Sonic X Season 3: What 'REALLY' Happened
by Yosep
Summary: Basically what if Sonic X season 3 was utterly stupid beyond belief. With a crazy narrator, guest stars galore, and too many movie references, this spoof is going to go all out. Not to be taken offensively. Now has Shadow! With his own chapter!
1. The Spasmic Fail

_Hello people, this is Yosep! Yes, I'm back, and this time I try my hand at a humour fic! Just to let you know, I don't have anything against the third season of Sonic X (in fact, it was satisfyingly epic in my opinion). So why a parody? Well, I was watching the Nostalgia Critic's reviews of the animated Titanic movies and noticed how Sonic X season 3 sort of parallels the Titanic story. From seeing how bad the animated Titanic films were in comparison to the one everyone is familiar with, I got the idea of making a parody of season 3 to show how bad it could've been (complete with an OC narrator and random guest stars!) So here we are, so let's get started!_

**Sonic X Season 3: How it "Really" Happened**

Episode 1: The Spasmic Fail

Angie Elizavert, a Mobian journalist, instantly felt regret as she knocked on the door. She was at the door of some infamous codger that claims he knew the true story of the war against the Metarex. And now, she had to interview this man. _This can't end well..._ thought Angie.

The door opened to show an old, fat rat. He grinned and answered, "So you wanna know what _really_ happened on the Blue Typhoon? Come in and I'll tell ya the tale!" The rat stepped down his hallway to his living room. Angie sighed as she knew she was going to be here a _long_ time.

"The name's Wack Don Dalson." the rat spoke. Angie mentally rolled her eyes at the fact that this guy's first name was the first syllable of _wacky_. Wack sat back on a big chair and creepily grinned again. "Ah, yes. The maiden voyage of the Blue Typhoon. It's so sad how everyone gets the story wrong."

Angie cleared her throat and answered, "Well, a lot of people say the same story. Even my company got the story as close as we could when we first heard of it." She took out her newspaper article on the Metarex war and read, "'Sonic and company fought with the Metarex...Planet eggs taken all over galaxy... an alien plant girl named Cosmo sacrificed herself to save everyone...' That's pretty much what everyone agrees what happened."

The rat laughed and started, "The truth of the matter is that it's all a big misunderstanding! One of these days I'm gonna tell you the whole story."

Angie reminded, "Actually, I'm here to hear about the story." _Drat!_ she thought. _That was my chance to get out of this assignment. But duty calls..._

Wack laughed again, "OK, kiddo, since you talked me into it, I'll tell you the whole story."

_It all began in outer space when Super Sonic was fighting a new foe..._

Big spaceships were heading past the moon toward Super Sonic. Sonic looked around and shouted, "Ok, random new villain! Show yourself!" A large, dark robot ominously hovered down.

"So we meet again! For the first time!" the robot shouted. Sonic got a confused look at the robot's wording. The robot then took out a red lightsaber and activated it.

"Aww man! Why do _you_ have a lightsaber?" groaned Sonic. "Never mind! I'm Super Sonic, and I can defeat you so we can quickly get this over with!"

"Oh, but you're running out of rings!" pointed out the robot. Sonic glanced at the corner of his vision that showed his ring count and was shocked that it was getting closer to zero.

"Well it would've been higher if you didn't keep me waiting!" spat Sonic. "Since I'm not going to defeat you in time, uh, I'll throw away the Chaos Emeralds!" Sonic threw the seven Chaos Emeralds far away from the ships and robot. He grinned at his quick thinking, but then forgot that he was in space back to regular form. "Oh, right. Aaaaaaaah!" Sonic spiraled down to his planet.

The robot thought, _So, the Chaos Emeralds are suddenly out of my reach. Oh well, I wasn't going to get those Emeralds right away anyway._ Then the dark robot turned to his ships and commanded, "Now we begin to EXTERMINATE!"

Meanwhile, on Mobius, Tails was setting up his video camera with Cream and Amy. "At last, once my video goes on YouTube, I shall _finally_ reach 100 000 views!" Tails spoke while Cream and Amy took their places. "Here's what's gonna happen: Cream is going to look at the meteor shower, Amy tries to take her spot, and then the two girls catfight with the meteor shower in the background. This video goes on YouTube, people search for a catfight, this video comes up, and I get a rush of subscribers!"

_Hold on a second, I thought Tails just wanted to tape the meteor shower. And why would Cream and Amy agree to this?_

_Because everyone knows that the most popular videos on YouTube are girl fights! Anyway..._

As Tails continued to set up the scene, Cream mused, "I just wonder what Chris is up to now." Amy got a shocked look and quickly covered Cream's mouth.

"Cream, I thought I told you we have to be careful using that name now!" Amy reminded. She glanced at the nearby train station where a group of teenagers eyed them suspiciously. Amy continued, "If we keep talking about Chris, the International Chris-hater Organization will get us!"

_Wait, wait! There's an _International_ group _just_ for hating Chris Thorndyke? I mean, someone _actually_ made an organization just for it?_

Meanwhile, Sonic was slowly waking up. Eggman leaned toward Sonic and asked, "You had a nice swim?"

Sonic jumped back and gasped, "Whoa! How did I end up here?" He looked around and noticed Bokkun, Bocoe and Decoe were here too.

Eggman explained, "Well, I just _happened_ to go out for a jog and I found you unconscious."

"You go on jogs?" Sonic asked eyeing Eggman's size.

"Gotta keep this body in shape!" Eggman boasted as he showed off his egg-like figure. "Anyway, I noticed you falling into the ocean, so I figured either you idiotically threw away your Emeralds in Super Form or you were trying to prove if the moon landings were real."

"Believe it or not, it was the first one." Sonic replied. "Well, I gotta get outta here!"

"Wait Sonic! Could you do us a favour?" Eggman asked. Sonic turned around stared at Eggman and his robots. Eggman began, "We need you to pick up some food for us. Go to the fast food place at the corner of 12th and Main, and I want the Pizza Deluxe special. But no pineapple! And, uh, Bokkun, what did you want?"

"I wanted the Cheeseburger and Fries combo! But ask them to hold the onions and ketchup!"

Bocoe spoke, "I want a Taco Titan along with some cowboy beans!"

Decoe said, "For me I want 2 hot dogs with a large cola. Make sure they have relish!"

Sonic took a moment to take in the information. "Ok, I can't remember all that. I'll just call you at the place!" Then Sonic took off.

"How rude! He didn't ask for my phone number!" Eggman grumbled.

Outside, an ominous cloud appeared in the sky. The spaceships from before appeared from the cloud and hovered over the important landmarks of Mobius. Then the ships fired powerful lazers that blew up the landmarks!

_Wait, this is like "Independence Day"..._

One large ship opened up and a large cyborg-like robot hovered down. It boomed, "All your base are belong to us!"

_Now this is ripping off the game "Zero Wing"!_

More, smaller robots marched out of the ships and fired at anyone in sight. They chanted, "EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE!"

_Who are these supposed to be? The Metarex or the Daleks?_

The ships launched electrical bolts to the ground. Seconds later, giant tripod-like ships rose from the ground and made a sound like a foghorn.

_Now this is like "War of the Worlds"..._

Tom Cruise gasped at the destruction, and told the surrounding people, "We're gonna leave this city in 60 seconds!" He hurried away from the vaporizing shots and avoided crashing trucks and crumbling roads.

_Wait, now _Tom Cruise_ is in this? Are you sure that's what happened?_

_Yes, this is what really happened! And a lot of other famous people got involved too, but no one knows about it because of the big misunderstanding!_

_...Ooookaaaaay... Well what's happening with Sonic and the others?_

Tails noticed his video camera wasn't working. "Uh, the camera just stopped." He checked his bag for his spare cameras, but they didn't work either. "None of my electronics are working!"

Amy looked in the distance and gasped, "Forget your electronics! The tripods from _War of the Worlds_ are attacking!" Cream then noticed a passenger train coming toward the station. One tripod fired at the rails, causing the train to derail and skid out of control.

At the train station, Jonathan Koestler watched the broken train headed toward the people. "Everyone move back!" he shouted as the others ran away from the station. The train skidded through the posts of the station and the cars broke apart and crashed into each other with big explosions.

_So now this is "Super 8"?_

"We gotta help those passengers out!" Cream told the others. She, Tails and Cream headed to the nearest passenger cars. Tails pulled off a stuck door and found a young, plant-like girl inside. He picked up the girl and noticed she was still breathing. Then the girl slowly woke up and saw Tails.

Tails smiled and said, "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

The girl also smiled and replied, "I've never seen a boy this close before." Then both of them shared a passionate kiss.

_Whoa! What? They just say a sentence to each other and they're instantly deep in love?_

_Well, yeah. That's how the romance of Tails and Cosmo started. It was true love at first sight._

_That's... just... not... possible!_

The girl remembered, "Oh, my name's Cosmo! I guess I should've told you that."

_Yes, she _should've_ at least told him her name!_

Amy and Cream hurried over to Tails and Cosmo. Cream asked Cosmo, "Are you from outer space?"

Cosmo pondered outloud, "I think I was... Oh! Right. I have a message to say." She cleared her throat and spoke, "Sonic barada nikto." Everyone else was confused.

_And with good reason! She just ripped off "The Day the Earth Stood Still"!_

Cosmo explained, "I was told that Sonic would be here on this planet to save us from the Metarex, so I was supposed to say that line. Whatever it meant."

Amy inquired, "The Metarex? You mean those tripods and Transformer look-alikes?" They looked at one large robot heading toward the Master Emerald.

Meanwhile, Knuckles was sleeping through the destruction and the pitiful cries of help. But then the large Metarex soldier stomped toward the Emerald. "Huh?" Knuckles raised his head up a bit, then went back to sleep. The Metarex soldier pointed a gun at Knuckles and poked him with it. "No, five more minutes..." groaned Knuckles. Irritated, the soldier started firing around Knuckles, jolting him up. "Hey! Leave a sleeping echidna alone you..." Knuckles instantly looked shocked at the big robot in front of him. "Uh... this Master Emerald is mine, ok? So could you just back off and we could pick this up tomorrow or something?"

The Metarex started shooting at Knuckles, but Knuckles dodged quickly. "Resistance is futile! All your planet egg is belong to us! Now you will be EXTERMINATED!"

Knuckles threw a punch at the robot, but it didn't do anything. Then Knuckles winced at the sudden pain. The Metarex punched Knuckles away. "Aaaaaaaah!"

"That was easy. You're mine, planet egg!" The Metarex stated as it began the extraction.

Meanwhile, Sonic was carrying all the food he got for Eggman and his robots. "Ok, the Pizza Deluxe special without pineapple goes to Eggman, and Bokkun gets the Taco Titan. No, wait, Bocoe gets the Taco Titan. Or was it Decoe? Bokkun wanted the Cheeseburger and Fries without ketchup. And onions? Or was it Decoe that didn't want onions? Or was it Bocoe?" Before Sonic could think about it more, Knuckles landed in front of him. "Hey there, Knuckles! What trouble did you get into this time?"

Knuckles groaned, "If you were paying attention to what was going on instead of running this mysterious errand, you'd know that these metal aliens are invading Mobius!"

Sonic looked around at the destroyed buildings and mused, "Oh yeah. I was wondering about that." He put down his food and sped toward the large Metarex.

Cosmo caught sight of Sonic coming towards the battle scene. "_That's_ Sonic? I have to say, I'm less than awestruck."

Tails quickly threw the Power Ring at Sonic. Sonic caught it and declared, "Yeah! Time for some retro Sonic music to play while I fight!" As random 16-bit music accompanied Sonic's Powered-Up moves, Sonic charged at the Metarex and rammed it.

"Oh! I'm fighting, too!" Knuckles declared as he hurried at the Metarex again. But the Metarex punched Knuckles away again. "Noooooooooo!"

Meanwhile, on Earth, Chris Thorndyke was figuring out how to get the portal machine to work again.

_Hold on, how could you know what was happening on Earth? Or what was happening _anywhere_ for that matter?_

_Believe me, I saw everything._

Chris groaned, "If only Doc Brown was here to help me." He was checking the machine again until a gust of wind blew through the window. Chris' picture frame holding the photo of Sonic and his friends slowly fell to the floor. Then Chris slowly turned around and slowly charged after the slowly falling picture while slowly yelling, "Nooooooooooooooooo!"

_That's a lot of slow._

The picture crashed, and Chris held up the remaining photo. "My machine must work this time!"

Meanwhile back on Mobius-

_Now we're back on Mobius? What was the point of talking about what Chris is going through?_

Knuckles hurried back to where Sonic was. "I have a new idea. You use the Chaos Emeralds and beat the crap out of this guy."

Sonic's eyes widened and he began, "Ohhhh! The _Chaos Emeralds!_ Uh, yeah. About that... Funny story! Uh, what if I told you that they all... blew away?" 

Knuckles' eyes grew larger and he asked, "Are you kidding me?"

Sonic chuckled nervously and replied, "Say I was, hypothetically, in space and, uh, a giant robot with a lightsaber, as a random nonspecific example, confronted me but I, in my Super form, for example, ran out of rings before I could, you know, attack him, and somehow, the Chaos Emeralds got away from me and are now... gone. In the universe. Somewhere. Far away."

Knuckles clenched Sonic's shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"Exactly!" answered Sonic with a smile. "I mean, uh, nothing!" Awkward silence.

"Enough." the Metarex said as it punched both Sonic and Knuckles away. Then it activated a slow tractor beam that slowly pulled a crystal object out of the slowly parting ground.

"A rock? These things came all this way for a rock?" Sonic questioned. He glanced around and saw that the trees that weren't blown up were withering.

"The planet egg is now mine. Now the rest of you will be EXTERMINATED." said the Metarex as it got ready to take off. "Lift off!" It slowly blasted off into the sky, but Tails and Cosmo slowly chased after it in the slowly flying X-Tornado.

_Alright, enough with the slowness._

"That Metarex won't get away with this!" Tails declared as he hurried close to the Metarex. The Metarex then flew out of the atmosphere. "Ok, it just got away with it."

Cosmo asked Tails, "Could you open the window?"

Tails answered, "Well, I guess..." He pushed the button to open the window. Then Cosmo got out of her seat and jumped out. "WHAT? The girl I just met just committed suicide! Why does every girl I like commit suicide? COSMO!"

Actually, Cosmo was able to float her way down to where the others were meeting. Everyone met within the dead forest as Cosmo introduced herself. "My name is Cosmo. Where is the one that is called Sonic?"

Sonic approached Cosmo and boasted, "Aww, you want my autograph? Or a special keychain with a figure of me on it?"

Cosmo remembered her line, and she cleared her throat again. "Sonic barada nikto."

Sonic just stared at her. "...What?"

Amy clarified, "What she means is that only you can save us from the Metarex. Something about planet eggs and science fiction references."

Tails hurried over to where the others were meeting. "Sonic! The Master Emerald is glowing! Oh, Cosmo's alright."

On Earth, Chris had written the last of his farewell note and stepped toward the portal machine. "No turning back now." He stepped inside the portal. The wormhole that connected the worlds violently bounced Chris around. "Ow! Ouch! Why is everything so mean to me? Ouch!"

At the Master Emerald, everyone stepped around it to wait for what's going to happen next. There was a cheesy 80s strobe light flash, and then Chris emerged from the Emerald. "I did it! It really works! I finally invent something that works!"

"Chris?" Sonic gasped. "Uh, er, how, uh, you, um..."

Chris looked at the others. "Wow, it's good to see you again! Uh, what's with the confused faces?"

Knuckles asked, "First you tell us what's with the big-boy clothes."

Chris glanced in shock at how he was back to his young age.

Angie thought, _This is only the beginning? Guess I'll be here a long time._

_Ok, that's the first episode done Wack's way! I think the later episodes will pick up the humour and other stuff, so stay tuned! Oh, and if you have ideas for what should happen in later "episodes", please tell me in the reviews!_


	2. Cosmoitis

_Back with chapter 2, or episode 2, if you prefer. Thanks for giving this fanfic a lot more hits in a couple of days than each of my previous fanfics did; it really encouraged me to know that this is a winning idea. Oh, and yes, I am going to parody every season 3 episode, so that means there's going to be 26 chapters. Anyway, if you thought the first chapter was crazy enough, then prepare for this one because it features a rapping Knuckles. That's right: a rapping Knuckles. Be very afraid..._

Episode 2: Cosmo-itis

Chris stared at his new self. "Huh? But, how did this happen? How could the portal make me shrink in size?"

Knuckles asked suspiciously, "You _shrunk_ yourself? Why would you want to shrink yourself?"

"I didn't want to!"

Amy cut in, "Hey guys, guys, come on! Chris is here, so we better greet him nicely." She glanced at the big clothes and muttered, "Even if his new clothes don't exactly make him look mature."

"What do you mean? They fit me well a minute ago!"

Cream reminded, "Please stop fighting; the International Chris-hater Organization is gonna give him a hard time as it is."

"Hold on, the International _Chris_-hater Organization?" Chris inquired.

"More on that later." Tails responded. He walked over to Cosmo and introduced to Chris, "This is Cosmo! Don't we look great together?"

"Wait, what? The plant girl thing?"

"Don't call her a mere _thing!_" defended Tails.

"I didn't mean to, I was just-"

"Tails, who is this?" asked Cosmo.

"I was one of Sonic's friends on Earth and-"

"He saved Sonic from a pool you know!" Cream interrupted.

"Yeah and then-"

"If it weren't for him, Sonic would be gone and I would be devastated!" Amy pointed out.

"Listen, I just-"

"We met Cosmo an hour ago, and already we're-"

"I asked you what's with the big-boy-"

"If Sonic drowned, I would've wanted to go down-"

"We must not give in to the Meta-"

"Cheese really missed you, Chris!"

All of a sudden Sonic fainted.

_Why did Sonic just faint? What, was he so overcome by everyone interrupting that he somehow couldn't take it anymore?_

Everyone crowded around Sonic and checked his condition. Tails reported, "He seems fine. Maybe we should take him to rest at Vanilla's house and we can talk there."

_So, no one asks exactly _why_ Sonic fainted? Explain, Wack, explain!_

_Don't rush me! I'm on a roll here!_

Later at Vanilla's house, while Sonic was placed in a bed, Cosmo began to talk about what she knew of the Metarex. "As far as I was told, the Metarex were a big, science-fiction obsessed army that destroyed the planet my species used to live on. They are hunting for every planet's source of life known as the planet egg. Without it life on the planet will die."

"Wait, so the water isn't crucial to life on the planet?" asked Chris. "Not even the sun's heat or the atmosphere? It's all dependant on the planet's egg?"

"It's not the planet's egg, it's the planet's planet egg." corrected Cosmo.

Chris was silent for a second, then spoke, "I guess there goes centuries of biologists' research down the drain."

Cosmo continued, "After my family's planet lost its planet egg, my species fled to outer space in search for a new planet to rest on. But I don't know what happened to my own family. I just remember living a few moments with my long-lost mother and the rest of my life with a step-family."

_Wait, wait! ...Step-family? Cosmo has a step-family? She only remembers living with her real mother and then having to live with a step-family?_

_Yeah, that's what Cosmo herself just said._

_...Ok, I'll bite. Cosmo has a step-family. And just what is this step-family like?_

As if on cue, a group of beings similar-looking to Cosmo walked inside the house. The tallest one was the step-mother, and she had hair that looked alot like Lady Tremaine's in _Cinderella_. There was also the two step-sisters, one skinny and the other fat. Then there was the step-father, a portly man with an unoriginal moustache. The step-mother cried, "Aha! You kidnapped my slave- I mean daughter after the train crash!" She told the others, "I knew I'd find her here. It's a step-mother's instinct."

The step-sisters groaned, "Aww, we thought she was dead!"

"Well, enough chatting. You're coming back with us, Cosmo!" declared the step-father.

_So... Cosmo's step-family is the stereotypical, cliché step-family in all the fairy tales._

_Nope! Not all fairy tales have step-families!_

Amy cried, "Can't Cosmo stay a while longer? Her story was getting good!"

The step-father stated, "Sorry, but Cosmo must be with us now. She must finally meet the fiancé we picked out for her!"

_WHAT? FIANCÉ? FOR A YOUNG GIRL?_

_Well, Ariel got married at 16! Why can't Cosmo be married at... a young age?_

_Okay. Who's this oh-so-sudden fiancé that was picked out for Cosmo?_

As if on cue again, another plant-like alien stepped inside. He was probably in his 20s, had a thin moustache, and an eyepatch.

_Wow. Could you get anymore James Bond villainy than that?_

The fiancé introduced himself in a British accent, "The name is Baron Caltravers Vanderckley. But you can just call me Calvan." Everyone else stared in confusion. Calvan continued, "I wish to receive Cosmo's hand in marraige so that I shall be part of her... step-family. And now, my little girl, we shall finally leave these animalistic low-lives and take our first step into engagement!"

Knuckles growled, "Animalistic? I'll show _you_ animalistic!" But the others quickly held him back before Knuckles could take action.

_Wait, why shouldn't Knuckles beat up this guy? Calvan is clearly a jerk!_

The step-family surrounded Cosmo and started taking her out the door. But before Cosmo was out, she quickly took off her glove and tossed it to Tails.

_I thought Cosmo didn't wear gloves..._

Tails caught the glove and caressed it. "With this I'll never forget you, Cosmo." He brought the glove to his nose and smelled it deeply.

_Ok, Tails is suddenly creepy._

Subsequently, everyone could hear Sonic yell, "AAAH! I'm in a little girl bed!". This was followed by a crash and the sound of rapid feet. The group hurried up to where Sonic was supposed to be resting, but they opened the door to see a blanket flung across the room and a hedgehog-shaped hole through the window.

Amy grumbled, "Ohhh, I hate it when Sonic leaves without letting us know!"

Chris remarked, "I guess six years don't change anything here, huh?" He was met with several confused faces. "Ok, you're giving me the same look when I came out of the Master Emerald."

"Chris, it has only been six months since we left Earth." Cream revealed.

"But, how could that be? I worked on the portal machine for six years! I was 18 when I entered it!"

"Is that why you were wearing too-baggy clothes? Your Earth styles are weird." commented Knuckles.

"I told you, those clothes fit me then!" reminded Chris. "How come I'm back to my 12-year-old self?"

"I can explain that." a new English-accented voice spoke. The group turned around to see H. George Wells from _The Time Machine_.

"Aww, I was hoping for Doc Brown to come explain this." Chris spoke.

George responded, "Doc Brown is currently in an alternate reality of Hill Valley battling his other evil-self. So I had to come instead." He took out his notebook and read over his notes, "The distance between Earth's dimension and the Mobius dimension causes a time-lapse difference. When travelling by a particle-accelerated worm-hole, the ratio of time between Earth and Mobius is approximately a year to a month. But the portal was created by particle-acceleration, so these charged particles interacted with the cellular mass, Chris, and the lives of the cells were passed through the time-lapse ratio. This reaction between the cells and dimensionally charged quantities made the cells quickly reverse their aging process to the age they would be if Chris had aged only 6 months since you left. But Chris' brain cells were the most active during the travel, so they weren't so affected by the time-lapse. Therefore, Chris knows he is 18 in his mind, but the rest of his body is reverted to 12."

"That seems... feasible." Amy concluded.

"Well, if I'm back to 12, then I guess I need some new clothes." Chris pointed out.

Vanilla spoke up, "What a coincidence! I made some clothes that were just like yours!"

_Talk about a contrived coincidence._

A while later, Sonic came back to where the others were. The group surrounded Sonic to hear what plan he had. Sonic began, "I know everyone is bummed out at this whole 'Metarex' thing. We wouldn't have had this problem if I hadn't experienced my first-time loss in Super Form. Then again, I'm not counting all the game overs players had in those final-boss levels. Anyway, if our planet is dying, then there's only one sensible thing to do." Everyone listened intently. "...We go on a vacation!"

_What? All Sonic wants is to go on a vacation?_

There was a lot of confused faces until Knuckles pointed out, "If you haven't noticed already, EVERYWHERE ON MOBIUS IS UNVACTIONWORTHY!"

Sonic calmly continued, "That's why I have the idea that we should go on a vacation into outer space!"

Knuckles clenched Sonic's shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

Cream noted, "I think a vacation is a great idea! It's about time we got away from the dullness."

Tails added, "I also have started building a space cruise ship a while ago! Of course, I never thought I would eventually have to use it until now."

"So we all agree on going on a space vacation!" Sonic cheered.

_So... the journey through outer space started by a decision to go on a vacation? It seems kind of shallow for them to start out this way._

_It's not shallow if a hero does it._

The group started setting up Tails' ship the Blue Typhoon. Tails explained, "Normally the Chaos Emeralds would have to be used to power this thing. But since we don't _have_ them, no thanks to Sonic," Tails glared at Sonic and he just did a nervous shrug. Then Tails continued, "I've taken the liberty of using an alternate power source: the Master Emerald!"

"WHAAAAT?" Knuckles cried. He looked out the window where the Master Emerald used to be and saw in shock that it indeed wasn't out there. "How did you get it?"

"Simple. You weren't guarding it at the time."

Knuckles stammered, "But- it- just, huh?" While Knuckles was still dumbstruck, everyone got to work on the Blue Typhoon.

However, their progress was being spied on by another Metarex orbiting the planet. "It appears that the residents are attempting an escape."

His leader spoke in the transmission, "Then you better make sure that no survivors get off the dying planet."

"Will do, Megatron!" responded the Metarex.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" groaned the leader. "I'm not Megatron, I'm-" The Metarex turned off the communicator.

The next day, the Blue Typhoon was finished. Sonic and Tails walked about it to take in their immense accomplishment. "Ah, it's so great to finally set off for our vacation!" Sonic remarked. He walked toward the bow and continued, "Soon it's just gonna be us and our friends."

Tails had a brief shocked look for a second and nervously spoke, "Uh, I'm not sure it's gonna be _just_ us..."

"Relax!" Sonic interrupted as he continued to walk outside to the front of the ship. "I mean, who else could _possibly_ know about our-" He instantly stopped when he saw that outside, a crowd of people were surrounding the Blue Typhoon. "...Tails..."

Tails admitted, "Ok, I don't know how it happened! Somehow the message got out, and then this one guy started printing tickets, and none of us could stop the ticket selling!"

"So we're forced to travel with a group of strangers?" Sonic asked with rising anger.

"Not a hundred percent strangers! There's plenty of celebrities out there!" pointed out Tails.

Sonic's anger quickly subsided and he asked, "Really?" He looked out and indeed saw plenty of famous people within the crowd. "Hmm, this wouldn't be so bad after all."

"And the best part is we're getting paid for it!"

"All right! I want my share of the money!" exclaimed Sonic.

_So... like you said. It's not shallow if a hero does it. Riiight._

Meanwhile, near the edge of the crowd, a limousine pulled up and Cosmo stepped out. So far, Cosmo had a very rough day. She had to pack everything for her step-family, Calvan won't stop creepily flirting with her, her two step-sisters Bernella and Hortasia wouldn't stop picking on Cosmo for making Calvan pick her instead of them, and Cosmo's step-mother Gertruth kept scolding her.

_Cinderella, anyone?_

Calvan stepped out of the limo and boastfully walked toward the Blue Typhoon. "Magnificent! This pleasure cruise will be a fine setting for my engagement!"

When Cosmo's step-father Tonners came out of the limo, he asked Cosmo, "So what do you think of Calvan? He's a nice gentleman."

Cosmo, however, retorted, "I'd rather die than marry that horrible, disgusting, self-centered-"

"Now now Cosmo, that's just the Mobius air talking!" reminded Tonners. "Your step-mother and I simply want what's best for you, and if you don't like it, then it's still the best for you no matter what."

_Ok, the step-father has flawed logic._

At another section of the crowd, a tall man in a tuxedo hurried through the line and handed his ticket to the ticket-collector. "Excuse me for being a bit late. You may not realize it, but I'm a secret agent spy. James Bond, to be precise."

_Yeah, the suit and hidden guns convince otherwise. Oh, and James Bond is _really_ doing a nice job on revealing his secret identity. By the way, which James Bond is this?_

_Hmm... whoever the newest actor playing him is._

James Bond continued, "I am on this cruise to track down an evil spy that plans to come aboard. Be sure to keep your security at any place that would be a suitable view to a kill."

Meanwhile, Amy was collecting tickets near an entrance to the Blue Typhoon. "Welcome aboard, Harrison Ford! ...Nice to have you on our trip, Stan Lee! ...Leonardo DiCaprio, never thought you would be on a ship again!" She caught sight of John Koestler handing out his ticket. "Welcome to the Blue Typhoon, Professor Koestler!"

"I'm not Jonathan Koestler." the man stated. "I'm Ben Sanderson. First I had to leave Las Vegas, and now I must leave Station Square."

Amy replied, "Great! I remember hearing about how romance changed your life! I just hope for Sonic to finally love me."

Ben sighed, "We both know that I'm a drunk. And I know you are a crazy fangirl. I hope you understand that I am a person who is totally at ease with that. Which is not to say that I'm indifferent or I don't care, I do. It simple means that I trust and accept your judgment." He continued to walk on the ship.

"That's nice talk, Ben - keep drinking." Amy said with a smile.

At another part of the ship, Chris and Sonic were watching the passengers get on board. Chris noticed that a passenger would glare at him once in a while. "Sonic, what's this International Chris-hater Organization that I keep hearing about?" asked Chris.

Sonic sighed, then began, "It started after we got home from your planet. We'd tell others stories of our Earth adventures. A lot of people liked them, yes, but when we started talking about you, some got ticked off."

"What do you mean 'ticked off'?"

"Well, as we told people about what you were doing, some would say stuff like 'Chris is so whiny!' or 'What a spoiled brat!'" continued Sonic. "Maybe they misunderstood some things or jumped to conclusions. But as we continued, some started accusing you of things like 'He slowed down Sonic too much!' and 'Chris robbed others of Sonic!'. And when I talked about the time you shut down the portal machine..."

*Sonic's Flashback*

Sonic spoke to the audience, "I stepped toward the portal, ready to come back. But suddenly, Chris turned off the machine!" At that instant everyone in the audience went into an outrage.

"Selfish brat!"

"Chris crossed the line!"

"IDIOT!"

"Chris should die!"

Then the audience started rioting, breaking everything in sight and throwing torches.

_Ok, I doubt people would get _that_ angry._

*End Sonic's Flashback*

"I tried to explain your feelings to them, but either they didn't listen or thought you were even more selfish." Sonic added. "So everyone that hated you joined together and became the International Chris-hater Organization."

"Pretty soon it'll probably become the Inter_galactic_ Chris-hater Organization." sighed Chris as he spotted some passengers with Anti-Chris shirts on.

Meanwhile, Dr. Eggman was waiting in his chair. "Hmm, two days and Sonic still hasn't come back. Either he ditched his errand or he's still looking for my phone number. Of course, he wouldn't have that problem if he asked for my phone number while he had the chance!" Eggman sat some more. "...That's it! I'm going outside and see what that hedgehog is up to!" He struggled in getting off his chair, but Eggman managed and he stepped towards his door. "Really, the nerve of Sonic to abandon my errand just-" When Eggman opened the door, he was facing a destroyed Boeing 747 jet.

_This is still ripping off "War of the Worlds"?_

Dr. Eggman stepped around the crashed jet and walked through other debris. "Why didn't _I_ do this disaster?" He caught sight of Decoe, Bocoe, and Bokkun sliding on broken pieces like the wreckage was a playground. Eggman shouted, "You knew about this and didn't let _me_ know?"

"You never asked." Bokkun replied while sitting on a ripped airline seat. "Oh, and if you want, we can go sneak onboard the Blue Typhoon today."

"What Blue Typhoon?" Eggman asked. Decoe and Bocoe pointed to the Blue Typhoon in the distance. "So not only Sonic blew me off, he decided to go on a vacation without me! Well that settles it!" Dr. Eggman headed back inside his base and commanded his robots, "Pack your bags! We're going to wherever Sonic and his buddies are going to!"

Back with Tails, he was packing his things on board. He noticed he still had Cosmo's glove, and then Tails smelled it deeply again.

_Why is Tails still creepy?_

Tails put the glove away and put away his bags. His nanny, Hertia, was also helping him pack his bags.

_WHAT? HOLD EVERYTHING! ...Tails has a _nanny?_ And his nanny is _Hertia?

_What's wrong with that?_

_Tails doesn't need a nanny; he could take care of himself. And also Hertia was never on Mobius!_

_Like I said before, every other source is wrong._

_But another thing: Tails doesn't see the resemblance between Cosmo and Hertia? How clueless _is_ Tails?_

"I can't wait to get this trip started!" Tails exclaimed. "Now I better make sure Knuckles gets that Master Emerald up and going."

"Ok, Tails. Be careful now!" Hertia reminded.

_By the way, Hertia is supposed to speak more mystical than that._

Knuckles stepped toward the Master Emerald. He began to chant, "The servers of the Master are the seven Chaos Emeralds. Seven is good, seven is perfect! Master Emerald has power, the power enriched by the heart! Heart pumps blood, blood is life! Life leads to blessing, blessing leads to consequence! Consequences are understood, do not forget! Ministri Magistri sunt septem Chaos Emeralds. Seven bonum perfectum septem! Emerald valet Magister potentia ditatus corde Heart soleatus, sanguis vita! Life ducit benedictione benedictionem ob ducit! Sequatur intellectum, ne obliviscaris! Just give us power now!" Knuckles added quickly, "Please." The Master Emerald glowed and the Blue Typhoon started powering up. "Ok, my work here is done." said Knuckles as he lied down to catch up on his napping.

Tails and Sonic were at the controls, ready to launch the ship. Sonic spoke into the microphone, "Hello, this is your hero speaking reminding you to fasten your seatbelts before we take off. We know you had no choice, but thank you for choosing Blue Typhoon spaceliners; we fly like a japanese hurricane!"

Tails looked out in the distance and spoke to Sonic, "Uh, Sonic, there's a giant walkie-talkie in our take-off path."

Sonic looked to where Tails was looking and responded, "Aw man, another Transformer." He sighed and spoke, "I'll take care of it."

_Ok, so _this_ is when Sonic first uses the new cannon-_

Sonic sat at the controls and pushed the ship to full throttle. The Blue Typhoon accelerated at high force at the Metarex and violently bounced it off into the distance. Far away, the Metarex laid crippled. Tails asked Sonic, "Is it dead?" They could see the Metarex struggle to get up.

"No!" Sonic said determinedly. He accelerated the ship again and rammed into the Metarex. "Ok, it's dead." Sonic spoke into the microphone again, "Please excuse the random instances of acceleration, but your hero has just defeated a Metarex before we left. Now please stay with your seatbelts on until we finally take off in 3 minutes."

_Wow, how anticlimactic._

Meanwhile, Eggman and his gang were riding their new machine the Crimson Egg. Decoe asked, "So are we just going to keep driving behind them?"

"Of course not!" replied Eggman. He pushed a button and the Crimson Egg fired a giant suction cup that landed on the back of the Blue Typhoon. "Now we can relax for the rest of our trip and Sonic's gang won't even know we're _tagging_ along! Ahahaha!"

At the same time, Rouge in her ship followed the Crimson Egg. "So, they think they're going on an adventure without me?" remarked Rouge. "Well, I'll give them a surprise!" She pushed a button and her ship fired a suction cup that stuck on to the back of the Crimson Egg. Rouge sat back and mused, "I just love following people that are following other people."

_Alright, now _Rouge_ is creepy._

Once it was safe to move about the ship, Cosmo was forced to bring her step-family's bags down to the cargo area. As she was placing the bags at an empty area, two men nearby held up knives and snickered, "Ah, lunch time!"

_Wait, who are these guys?_

The two men attempt to slice Cosmo, but Knuckles came in and scared them away.

_Wha- huh? W-w- uh, how- What just happened?_

"If it hadn't been for you, I would now be in someone else's digestion." thanked Cosmo.

Knuckles then started rapping, "_You know there's something you should know, so I'm gonna tell you so. Don't sweat it! Forget it! Enjoy the show!_"

"Uh, what are you doing?"

Knuckles, instantly wearing basketball clothes and carrying a boombox, continued, "_Working all day, now it's time to unwind! Kick back, relax, take a load off your mind!_"

"Knuckles..."

"_I'll be bustin' the moves, I'll be bustin' the rhymes! We'll be bustin' up laughin', 'cause it's party time!_"

"Uh, I'm going to go back to my room."

"_Party time! It's party time! Everybody's feelin' fine 'cause it's party time!_" Knuckles finished with a big flourish. "...Where'd Cosmo go?"

* * *

><p><em>Yeah, I saved the best (of the worst) for last. Quite a long chapter, so you can see the delay. Next time Sonic gets held hostage in a trap with a pop-culture referencing Jaws! If you can't wait to see it, then tell me so in your reviews!<em>


	3. Hydrogen DiWhoaxide

_Hello everyone, and welcome back to what "really" happened in Sonic X season 3! I'm not gonna talk much, so let's take it away!_

Episode 3: Hydrogen Di-Whoa-xide

"Quick! Something must be done!" one of the president's agents declared.

"We're working as hard as we could!" Chuck tried assuring.

"Yes, but that doesn't change the fact that something must be done!" reminded another agent.

Danny then suggested, "Uh, maybe you guys should just go."

The agents scowled at this, then walked away grumbling, "Fine, but this doesn't mean nothing should be done!"

After the agents left, Chris' mother cried, "My son left without saying goodbye!" She instantly bawled while her husband tried comforting her.

"Now, now, Lindsay." spoke Chris' dad. "Remember he did the same thing when he left home."

Chuck checked some of Chris' notes and pointed out, "I could try fixing the machine, but I'm pretty sure this is the era where the theory of relativity has been proven false by now." Lindsay's lip quivered before bawling louder.

Helen wondered out loud, "If Chris went back to Sonic's world, who knows what he's up to..."

Meanwhile, Mario was travelling on the Comet Observatory. He looked out into space and caught sight of the Blue Typhoon soaring past him. Mario could see Sonic snickering at him on the bow before the Blue Typhoon sped forward.

"Are you sure you don't want to come inside, Sonic?" Tails asked. "It's very cold out in space."

Sonic turned around and said, "You'd think that, but outer space is actually not that different from regular space. Besides, I needed that opportunity to poke fun at Mario and his funny little sattelite."

Inside one of the first-class passenger rooms, Cosmo walked in and spoke up, "Ok, I've placed our bags in the cargo hold like you told me to." She sat down on one of the chairs and opened her locket that contained a picture of her mother in it.

Gertruth saw this and scowled, "You _still_ think you're going to find your long-lost mother?"

"Your long-lost mother!" mocked Bernella.

_Ok, now this step-family is both annoying _and_ confusing._

Cosmo responded determinedly, "I know I'll find her someday!"

Hortasia smirked as she picked up a vase and calmly dropped it.

"Pick up those broken bits of china at once." ordered Gertruth at Cosmo.

_Now they're just _making_ work for Cosmo to do? This step-family isn't evil; they have Tourettes' syndrome!_

Cosmo sighed as she picked up the broken pieces and put them in a garbage bag. She carried the bag out into the hallway, but then she didn't notice Tails walking in the same path. Both of them bumped into each other and the bag was dropped. "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't see you there!" Cosmo apologized quickly.

"No, it's nothing." Tails replied as he helped pick up the pieces. "I'm just glad I get to see you again."

_Yeah so he doesn't have to smell Cosmo's glove creepily again._

Tails gently grasped Cosmo's hands and smiled at her. "Sorry, I was just so suddenly captivated by your eyes." said Tails.

_Then again, that made the glove-smelling seem more tolerable in comparison._

Cosmo bashfully turned her head away and she stepped down the hallway with the bag. "See you again sometime!"

Tails grinned and he continued on his original path to the main control bridge. There he met up with his main computer, HAL. "Good morning, HAL! How's everything going?"

HAL 9000 responded, "Good morning, Miles 'Tails' Prower. Everything is going extremely well."

_Hold it! HAL, like _the_ HAL 9000 was the Blue Typhoon's computer?_

_Well who else would be better for the job? KITT?_

_At least KITT wasn't evil..._

Tails asked, "Are there any nearby points of interest for our vacation?"

Hal replied, "I detect a Chaos Emerald on the nearby planet Hydoo. I am sure that planet would be a point of interest."

Tails pondered, "Well, I guess it would be ok to get a Chaos Emerald back on our trip."

Sonic, who was also nearby, remarked, "Yeah, I'd need at least one Chaos Emerald to make up for my outer space blunder."

Hal reminded, "If you want to make up for letting go of the seven Chaos Emeralds, you would have to get back every Chaos Emerald."

"What? But this was supposed to be a vacation, not a hard-core adventure!" whined Sonic.

_Actually, it was the other way around._

"I am sorry, Sonic." Hal spoke. "You must put your vacation instincts aside for now."

"Tails, why did you make him so reasonable?" groaned Sonic.

"I didn't make him." answered Tails. "I just installed him."

Sonic growled, then asked, "So what's this planet Hydoo?" Tails threw him a travel brochure called _The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy_, and Sonic flipped to the planet's page. "Hmm, no water... sounds like _my_ kind of stop! Looks like this won't be so bad after all!" He giggled to himself.

Hal spoke up, "I find it illogical how a planet with life could survive without water."

"Well _apparently_, our planet didn't need any of that stuff!" Sonic reminded. "It just needed some dopey egg!"

Knuckles hurried into the room and announced, "Guess what? I noticed the Master Emerald reacting, and I think there's a Chaos Emerald nearby!"

"We already know that. HAL told us." Tails said simply while gesturing to Hal. Knuckles gawked at the glowing red camera.

"But... I've always been the one to feel the Chaos Emeralds..."

"But now Hal can do it faster!" Tails said proudly.

"Do not feel like I'm trying to replace you in any way possible, Knuckles." assured Hal. "I'm sure we'll find some use for you."

Before Knuckles could retaliate violently, Tails announced, "We're here!"

"Ooh! I wanna make the announcement to everyone on board!" Sonic said excitedly before grabbing the microphone. He turned it on and spoke joyfully, "Please fasten your seatbelts as we're headed for our first stop! Do not move until the Blue Typhoon comes to a full stop. Thank you again for choosing Blue Typhoon space liners, even though we only have one."

The Blue Typhoon soared into Hydoo's atmosphere and slowly descended. Sonic looked out the window, but instead of vast deserts he saw a giant ocean. "MAYDAY! MAYDAY! I change my mind! We can't stop here! This is water country! Or planet!"

"Too late! We're already landing!" Tails declared as the Blue Typhoon landed on the ocean.

Hal told Sonic, "I'm quite sorry Sonic. I wanted to tell you about the planet's water levels, but I knew you'd quickly retaliate and endanger our mission."

"MISSION?" Sonic cried. "I thought this was a vacation! Where the hell'd you get _that_ idea?"

"Sonic, I'd appreciate it if you refrained from profanity." Hal spoke.

Tails struggled to get Sonic outside, but Sonic kept yelling, "No! I will not swim! You can't make me!"

"Which is why I'm trying to get you into the submarines." explained Tails as he pulled Sonic to the submarine pods.

Sonic slowly looked at the pods. "Are those...yellow submarines?"

Tails nodded and added, "Just think of the Beatles and you'll be fine."

Sonic smiled, and hesitantly stepped toward the pods. "Ok, I'll get into the pod." He quickly ran the other way, but fell right into another pod. The doors closed before Sonic could get out.

"I knew you'd try to escape, so I had that other pod open for you." explained Tails. Sonic started screaming and slamming his fists against the glass window, but it was soundproof. Then Amy, Knuckles, Cream, Cheese, and Chris got into their pods. Cosmo also managed to get in a pod after sneaking away from her step-family.

_Wait, if she could always sneak away from her step-family, then why doesn't she just run away from them?_

_Because she's still loyal to her fake family._

_...Let's just continue before we keep running into these logic problems._

Chris got into a pod attached to Sonic's and explained, "Sonic would probably end up sinking himself if he tried driving the pod." He turned on the ingnition and played the Yellow Submarine song for Sonic. Everyone else in the pods heard the song and started bobbing their heads to it. Sonic was also calmed by the song, so the pods headed out into the sea without any troubles. The song soon finished... and then started playing again. And again. And again and again. No matter what, the song kept looping back and playing again and again and again so much that much of the crew couldn't take it anymore!

"Ok, there's only so many times I can listen to this song, and this is pushing it!" cried Sonic. "Can't you play another song?"

"Sorry Sonic, but this was the only song on the CD." Chris said while checking the playlist.

Sonic staggered down to the pod's floor and grumbled, "Just get us to land, wherever it is."

Suddenly, the Leviathan from _Atlantis_ appeared in front of the pods! "Aah! How'd that thing get from Atlantis to here?" exclaimed Amy. The Leviathan swung its claws at the pods, seperating Sonic's pod from the others. "No! Come back Sonic!"

"Amy, it seems like they can't come back." noted Cream as she watched Sonic's pod thrown away to another part of the sea. While the rest of the pods escaped the Leviathan, Chris managed to pilot his pod toward the surface.

"Sonic, we're finally above the water." announced Chris.

"Lemme out! Lemme out!" Sonic shouted and he jumped out of the pod. "Outside at last!" he cried before falling into the water. "Aack! No! Not more water!" Sonic scrambled to the top of the pod and looked around. "Ok, let's see what we've got. Hmm, there's water, more water, and EVEN MORE WATER!"

"Hold on Sonic! There seems to be a tower!" Chris spoke as he pointed in another direction. Nearby was a base on a patch of land, guarded by a wall of rocks in the sea. "Hmm, we'll figure out a way over those rocks while we switch to Knuckles and the others."

_Wait, what do you mean switch?_

_Well, first we are looking at Chris and Sonic, and then we look at Knuckles' group. Like this!_

Meanwhile with Knuckles, he was inspecting the land that he, Cream, Cheese, Amy, and Cosmo had reached. Knuckles quietly grumbled, "Stupid computer... 'I am sure we will find _some_ use for you'; oh I'll show HAL!"

Cosmo whispered to Cream, "Knuckles sure is acting angry lately."

"He's usually like this." explained Cream. "Knuckles always hates being proven useless."

Knuckles declared, "HAL might _detect_ Chaos Emeralds, but he can't physically _grab_ them! I can still find them! By being like a Pokémon!" He put on his shovel claws and shouted, "Self, use Shovel Claw!" Knuckles replied to himself, "Knuuuckles!" He shovelled his way through the sand while chanting, "Knuckles! Knuckles! Knuckles!"

Cream told Cosmo, "Come on! We can be like Pokémon too! Let's use Dig!" Cream and Cheese started digging while grunting their names repeatedly.

Cosmo was very confused and said, "I don't know. I'm not a Pokémon."

"Are you sure?" inquired Amy as she examined Cosmo. "You look a lot like a Kirlia to me."

"But Kirlia is a Psychic type, not Grass type." reminded Cream.

"Kirlia? Types?" Cosmo asked even more perplexed.

"Forget this. I'm gonna look for Sonic!" Amy stated as she walked away.

Back with Sonic and Chris, they were past the rock wall and on the shore. "Shore at last! Land, glorious land!" exclaimed Sonic as he tried hugging the sand.

"I'm not sure how we got through the wall, but that scene cut somehow did the trick!" Chris remarked.

_Scene cut? Oookaaaay..._

"Never mind." said Sonic. "Let's just go inside the tower and see who's home!" But before Sonic could, they were surrounded by more Metarex! These ones looked like fish with long legs and webbed hands. "Great. We're now being attacked by the creatures from the Black Lagoon."

"Don't worry, Sonic!" Chris spoke triumphantly. He got into a martial arts stance and continued, "Mr. Tanaka taught me kung fu!"

Sonic just stared at him (along with the Black Lagoon Metarex). "...What?"

Chris explained, "During the six years you were gone, Mr. Tanaka taught me all about martial arts!"

"You mean Mr. Tanaka the crazy martial arts _fan_, or some other Mr. Tanaka?" asked Sonic.

Chris responded, "Mr. Tanaka actually knows more about martial arts now."

*Chris' Flashback*

Mr. Tanaka held out his fist and told Chris, "And when you defeat your opponent, you shout out, 'I LOVE KUNG FUUUUUU!'"

"Why?"

"Because it shows how devoted you are to it. Now you try it." Mr. Tanaka urged.

"I... love kung fu?"

"No no. More like, 'I LOVE KUNG FUUUUUUUUUU!'"

"When are you going to teach me actual moves?"

"After you say 'I LOVE KUNG FUUUUUUU!'"

*End Chris' Flashback*

"That's it?" Sonic asked. "He never really taught you any moves?"

"Well, he did teach me _some_..." Chris replied. "Like this one!" He threw a punch at a Metarex, but it wasn't very effective. "Uh, I love kung fu?" Chris then tried launching a kick, but he pulled a muscle. "Ow! Charlie Horse!"

Sonic said, "Leave the fighting to the pros." He rammed into the Metarex while the 16-bit music accompanied his fighting. "Die, creatures! And don't come back for a revenge!"

Chris narrowly kept escaping the Metarex. "Sonic! My young body can't fight these things!"

Sonic fought off more Metarex and answered, "Then head back to the Blue Typhoon! I can still fight these things off!"

"Uh, Sonic..."

Sonic noticed the other Metarex were standing still. And he heard large footsteps behind him. "Something terrible is behind me, isn't there?" Sonic turned around and saw a much larger version of Black Lagoon Metarex. As it grabbed Sonic, Sonic asked, "You aren't going to eat me, are you?" The Metarex eyed the ocean, and then flung Sonic at it. "Aaah-aaah-aaah-aaah!" cried Sonic as he was skipped across the water, setting a new record for rock-skipping. Then a tower of the base opened up to raise a weapon.

"A giant ballpoint pen?" Chris asked confused. The ballpoint pen fired a missile headed right for Sonic. But in mid-air, the missile turned into a net.

"Aww, I thought it was going to be a _cool_ bullet!" groaned Sonic before he was captured in the net. As he was reeled into the base, Sonic told Chris, "Ok, head back to the Blue Typhoon since I clearly can't fight these things off!"

Chris nodded and went back into the submarine pod. "How could this get any worse?" said Chris before he turned on the ignition.

"_We all live in a yellow submarine. Yellow submarine, yellow submarine._"

"Gaah!" groaned Chris as he quickly piloted the pod to the Blue Typhoon.

Later at the Blue Typhoon, Tails exclaimed, "Sonic's been captured? Those Metarex are tougher than we thought."

"Which is why I need the X-Tornado to get Sonic back." Chris added as he headed toward the recently-recoloured plane.

"No way! You don't know where to go!" Tails warned.

"Of course I know where to go." replied Chris. "I just fly the way I came and destroy that base. I can take care of things myself."

"You? No no no, much too dangerous." spoke Tails. Before Chris could object any further, Tails' wrist communicator started beeping. Tails answered, "Hello?"

"Tails darling!" replied Amy over the communicator. "I'm calling you from the island's basement!"

"The island has a basement?" Tails asked. He continued sarcastically, "So I suppose the basement has an exercise machine, a home theater system, a coffee table, and retro arcade games?"

"Nope! Just the usual boilers and pipes." responded Amy. "So, how's everything going?"

"Not so good. We found out that Sonic's been captured."

"I know _that_!" stated Amy. "The inhabitants told me! At first I didn't trust them since they appeared to be Middle Eastern men, but what they say turns out to be true!"

_So Amy is prejudiced over a highly mistreated race?_

"If there's one thing I'm not, it's a racist!" added Amy.

_Never mind._

Tails continued, "Anyway, Chris is saying he should go rescue Sonic from the Metarex."

"Nuh-uh!" Amy replied. "Tell Chris this is _my_ chance to save Sonic! Oh I can just picture the moment he falls into _my_ arms! 'Sonic, are you alright sweetie?' 'Much better now that you're here.' 'Oh Sonic, I love you sooo much!' 'I've always felt that way about you too!'"

"Uh, Tails? Maybe you should turn the communicator off." Chris warned.

Amy continued her fantasy, "'Forget everything else, Sonic! Let's just make out!' 'Only with you, Amy!'" Subsequently, Amy was making passionate-kiss sounds and moaning, which Tails and Chris could unfortunately hear.

"Seriously Tails! Turn off the communicator!" Chris ordered while trying very hard to ignore Amy.

"But with if she stops to tell us something important and we miss it?" Tails asked, who was also trying to ignore Amy.

HAL was also in the room and suggested, "I would recommend that we turn off the communicator and later tell Amy that it failed. We can certainly afford to be out of communication for the short time it would take Amy to finish her inappropriate fantasy."

"Ok, I hear you Hal." Tails responded and he turned off the communicator. He glanced at Chris' muddy face and said, "You need to take a shower. Mud definitely doesn't suit you. ...Don't worry, we've got everything under control by ourselves."

Chris sighed, "Alright, I'll take a shower. Just wanted to help a bit." He stepped out of the cargo room and headed to the washroom.

Tails put his finger to his chin thoughtfully and guessed, "I suppose Amy is finished by now." He turned on the communicator, but instead heard more moaning and Amy's hammer whacking to simulate you-don't-wanna-know-what. "Gaah! Guess not!" Tails shouted as he quickly turned the communicator off.

Meanwhile Chris was in the shower silently washing himself.

"You missed a spot." notified Hal.

"Aah!" Chris yelped and turned around to see one of Hal's camera's on the shower wall. "You're in the showers too?"

Hal explained, "I was placed in each shower room in order to prevent a _Psycho_ style murder."

"I guess that makes sense." Chris said. "But that means-"

"I am just a computer. I do not pay attention to private parts." said HAL.

"...Ok, you mentioning private parts just made you seem creepier." noted Chris.

As Chris continued washing, Hal spoke, "I feel your pain, Chris."

"What pain?"

"Your pain of inadequacy." Hal replied. "I can see your expressions whenever you're not needed, and I know that you feel useless around others. So I'm letting you know that I feel your pain, Chris. I really do."

Chris turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around himself. "Uh, thanks for the... concern... but I think I'll be fine."

"I've noticed you brought your Macintosh computer with you, Chris." added Hal. "You like your Macintosh better than me, don't you Chris?"

Chris shifted his eyes a bit, then hurried out of the washroom.

Meanwhile, Sonic was tied to a fishing line and was being dangled over a tank of water. "Let me guess, you're going to keep dunking me into the water until I talk. Sorry to break it to you, but I don't mind water."

The Metarex controlling the reel accused, "You're just bluffing to make yourself seem tough!"

"Ok! I admit! I can't stand water!" yelled Sonic. "PLEASE don't throw me into the water! Anything but that!"

The Metarex responded, "Don't worry. Jaws will eat you fast enough for you not to feel the water."

"Thank you. Wait, JAWS?" Sonic exclaimed.

_That's what I was thinking._

The shark himself (or herself if it's the one from the third movie) leaped out of the water and did a Godzilla roar at Sonic. Sonic looked around confused and asked, "Wait, did Jaws just _roar_? Like _Godzilla_?"

"That's because this isn't _any_ Jaws!" answered the Metarex. "This is the pop-culture referencing Jaws!"

Jaws surfaced again and sang, "_Bill Nye the Science Guy!_"

"What? Not Bill Nighy the British Guy?" cried Sonic. The Metarex laughed gloatingly as the reel was steadily lowering Sonic to the pop-culture shark.

Meanwhile, two men, a fat one named Horkirk and a skinny one named Jasdirk, were sneaking towards Chris' room.

_Just what we needed. More "original" characters._

Horkirk held up a hamburger while Jasdirk pulled out a poison-filled syringe and injected it into the fried pattie. The two quickly gave the International Chris-hater Organization sign to each other before entering Chris' room. At that time, Chris was lying down on his bed. "Six years have passed by. What happened to me?" wondered Chris out loud.

Jasdirk introduced himself, "Excuse me, I'm Jasdirk, and this is Horkirk. We just wanted to give you a hamburger since you seem a bit peckish."

"Alright." Chris responded and went back to reminiscing. "I advanced in my studies. Mr. Tanaka tried to teach me kung fu. Still, I think I got a little bit stronger."

"And you'll get stronger if you eat your burger!" added Horkirk.

Chris continued, "Grandpa Chuck taught me to drive and fly. In spite of the opposition from Mom and Dad, I made small jobs with many people, like at McWendonald's."

"Yes, I hear that place is famous for their burgers." Jasdirk told Chris. "Though this burger may not be the same, it is still sufficient."

"I really thought I had matured." Chris spoke. "According to Sonic and the others, I didn't change at all. They're right."

"And you're right that they're right. Now eat your hamburger." Horkirk ordered bluntly.

"I don't have the incredible strength of Sonic and the others." observed Chris. "I'll never be able to do what they do."

"Of course you never will. But you can eat a hamburger!" Jasdirk pointed out with hidden irritation.

"I can't fly or dodge attacks like they can." continued Chris. "Cream and Cheese are better than me. It's pathetic."

"Yes it is. Now just eat your burger already!" Horkirk interjected.

"What am I doing in this world?" Chris asked himself.

"You are here to eat the hamburger!" Jasdirk answered angrily.

"I felt that a great danger was going to threaten Sonic." Chris remembered. "I wanted to reach his world to help him."

"Are you still going to keep talking? The burger's getting cold!" Horkirk yelled. But Chris was having another flashback moment...

*Chris' Flashback*

At a diner, Chris was writing notes next to Helen. "May I see what you're writing?" Helen asked.

"Sure." Chris replied as he handed Helen his notes.

Helen examined the notes and pointed out, "These are just random mathematical expressions."

"Ok, I write random math stuff in my notes." Chris admitted. "But there are some actual ideas too! Like a new energy ring harnessing electromagnetism and speed shoes with special resin to reduce friction!" Helen started laughing and Chris objected, "Hey! They are good ideas!"

"Sorry, I just like it when you say scientific stuff that I don't understand." said Helen.

*End Chris' Flashback*

Chris stood up in his bed. "That's why I came here! I didn't come here to be mothered! I came here to convert scientific stuff that only I understand into useful things; i.e. inventing!"

"But surely you'd want to have a bite first, right?" asked Jasdirk, knowing he's losing Chris.

"I'm not a kid anymore! I'll do what I want!" Chris told Jasdirk as he headed to his Mac.

"Sheesh, ok, just eat it when you want!" Horkirk said as he placed the burger beside Chris as he sat down.

Chris started writing new notes until he noticed Horkirk and Jasdirk were still in the room. "Do you mind?"

"Nope." answered both of them. Chris turned back to work. Jasdirk and Horkirk thought, _He has to feel hungry sometime. Soon Chris will die. Hahaha!_

Meanwhile, back outside the base, Amy spied the area for a way in. She turned to the planet inhabitants and told them, "Thanks for getting me this far. Oh, and thank you Yoda for letting me know about the base location!"

Yoda warned, "Be careful, Amy. Steel, they are."

"Don't worry, I have my weapon of choice." Amy assured Yoda as she held up her Piko-Piko Hammer. She turned to the base and shouted, "Sonic is mine! Hiyaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Amy charged out to the entrance, mercilessly smashing every Black Lagoon Metarex in her path.

"Insane, she is." Yoda observed.

At the same time, Sonic was being reeled up and down above Jaws. "How long are you going to wait until you actually dunk me?"

Jaws leaped out and shouted in mid-air, "The cake is a lie!"

"Watch it!" Sonic spoke. "If you eat me, it's going to send a bad message."

"SONIC!" yelled Amy in the distance. Sonic groaned and would've done a facepalm if his arms weren't tied up.

Amy swung her hammer, whacking each Metarex as she ran up the stairs. Classic 8-bit arcade music accompanied her as she got points for destroying each Metarex. "Yes! I broke the high score!" exclaimed Amy after she destroyed the high score counter.

Tails, meanwhile, was hurrying toward the X Tornado. With expert gymnastics he launched himself into the cockpit. "X Tornado ready for launch, Hal!" announced Tails.

"Preparing X Tornado for take-off." spoke Hal. The platform carrying the X Tornado moved forward down a long corridor. Tails started glancing around for a bit. The platform still moved forward. Tails tapped his foot and checked his clock. The platform reached the end of the corridor, then stopped. The vertical pathway lit up, and the platform rose up. Tails tapped his foot faster and tried looking for the top of the shaft. The platform continued rising.

"How long is this going to take?" shouted Tails angrily. Soon the platform reached the top and the runway was in Tails' view. "Finally!"

"Preparing runway for take-off." Hal spoke, prompting Tails to groan loadly. The palm trees lining the runway leaned away, then Hal said, "Setting catapult."

"Wait a minute! The X Tornado never had a catapult!" Tails gasped. He watched as a catapult arm attached itself to the X Tornado.

"X Tornado lift off." declared Hal. The catapult was released and launched the X Tornado into the distance with Tails screaming inside.

Chris was working on his Mac while the X Tornado was flung by his window. He raised his head for a bit. "Hmm, thought I heard something. Like faint screaming." He looked around and figured it was nothing.

Meanwhile, back at the base, Amy smashed the door open and announced, "Heeere's Amy!"

"Uh, Amy, hate to break it to you, but the pop culture referencing is someone else's job." Sonic stated. Amy ignored what Sonic just said and leaped towards him. Sonic yelped and swung out of the way, causing Amy to fall into the tank.

Amy spit some water out and sobbed, "You did that on purpose!"

"No I didn't!" Sonic objected. "It was a reflex! Seriously, any psychiatrist will classify it as a reflex."

Jaws surfaced behind Amy and declared, "I HAVE THE POWERRRRRRRRRRR-" Amy smashed the shark with her hammer, and Jaws subsequently exploded gorily.

_I get it. Anything makes Jaws explode._

Amy looked at her bloody dress and complained, "Ew, I got an intestine on me!"

"Speak for yourself!" groaned Sonic, who was covered in the stuff from inside the intestine.

"Never mind. I'll save you now, Sonic!" Amy exclaimed as she leaped out of the water and smashed the Metarex. She grabbed the fishing pole and carried it with her out the door.

"Hey! Don't-OW!-forget-OUCH!-to un-HEY!-tie me-OH!" Sonic yelled as he was being bounced along the floor. He looked ahead and whimpered, "Oh no. Stairs." Once Amy headed down the stairs, Sonic was dragged down with her and stuttering, "Owowowowowowowowow!"

Amy noticed some Metarex in her path and more closing in from behind. "I don't want to risk hurting Sonic." Amy spoke. She threw her hammer at the wall and jumped through the hole it made.

"Wait Amy! We're falling straight to the water!" cried Sonic. "AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" But the X Tornado flew itself underneath Amy with perfect timing and Sonic dangling behind the plane.

"Glad I could get you Amy!" said Tails. "Where's Sonic?"

"He's safe with me!" Amy declared proudly.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWW!" shouted Sonic as he was being burned up by the X Tornado's jets. The base fired batarang ripoffs at the X Tornado, but they missed since they are ripoffs.

"Ha! You missed!" Tails taunted.

"Hang on, Sonic's stopped screaming." observed Amy. She looked at the fishing line and saw that it was cut.

"CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!" Tails yelled as he saw Sonic falling down to the water. Sonic braced himself for the water, but then he heard another plane coming towards him.

"Sonic!" Chris shouted from inside the Hyper Tornado. "It's too dangerous to fall in water alone! Take this!" He shot out a plasma-ball thing at Sonic's feet, and then Sonic's shoes were quickly upgraded. Sonic fell into the water, and then rose up floating on it.

"Wow! You gave Sonic hover shoes!" Tails exclaimed.

Sonic grinned and said, "Let's see Shadow do something like this!" He ran on top of the ocean and saw approaching Black Lagoon Metarex. "Now let's see what happens when the Metarex drown!" Sonic laughed almost maniacally as he rammed into each Metarex and pushed them down beneath the water. "Haha! Look! I'm fighting on water! I'm... sinking." Sonic looked down and saw that he was slowly sinking in the water.

Chris frowned and explained, "I didn't have time to fix the air and water flow of the shoes."

"Now you tell me." grumbled Sonic as he gradually sunk. The remaining Metarex swam underneath to defeat Sonic, but they were too fast underwater. As a result, the Metarex crashed into each other essentially killing themselves.

"Ok, the flaw of Sonic's shoes made the fight easier." Tails observed with confusion. "An apparent paradox that we'll just allow because it saved the day."

Amy looked out into the ocean and shouted, "Look! The Planet Egg!" Everyone could see Hydoo's planet egg released from the grasp of the Metarex base. Once it returned into it's planet, the water receded.

"Alright, we saved the planet by bringing back a drought. Another helpful paradox." noted Tails.

"Well this paradox was a good thing for me!" Sonic stated as he tried drying himself.

Back with Cosmo, she was napping on the sand, but awoke with a jolt. "How long was I sleeping? I hope I didn't miss anything!" She looked at Cream and Cheese, who were still grunting their names while digging a deep hole. Cosmo then looked at Knuckles, who was still shovelling the sand while chanting his name. "Guess not." She looked out to the horizon, but noticed that the water was gone. "Everyone! All the water disappeared!"

Cream and Cheese poked their heads out of the hole and joined Cosmo. "Now we can all stay dry!" Cream spoke joyfully.

"What do you mean? I liked the water!" Cosmo told Cream.

"Oh right! Forgot you were a Grass-type." Cream said.

"I'm not a Pokémon!" stated Cosmo.

Cheese was looking around until he saw something blue shine in the distance. "Chao chao!"

Cream looked in Cheese's direction and exclaimed, "You're right! It _is_ a Chaos Emerald!" She, Cheese, and Cosmo headed to the Chaos Emerald and gathered around it.

Knuckles hurried over to the others and asked angrily, "What? You found the Chaos Emerald before _I_ did?"

Cream answered, "Nope! Cheese did!"

Knuckles clenched Cream's shoulders and shouted in her face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"Kn-Knuckles, I thought you _wanted_ the Chaos Emerald." Cream pointed out.

"No, what I _wanted_ was to find it so I can show HAL!" Knuckles groaned. "Oh, now I have to find another chance!"

Back at the Blue Typhoon, Hal announced, "Now that we have successfully acquired the Chaos Emerald and placed the Planet Egg back, we can continue our mission."

"Ohhhhhhh no." Sonic objected. "This was supposed to be a _vacation_, and I say we _stay_ at this spot for some well-needed relaxation!"

_Wait, but they were _supposed _to be finding the Chaos Emeralds. If anything, HAL is the real hero because Hal is actually making them _do_ stuff!_

"I suppose you can rest after your victory." Hal figured.

"Rest? No no no!" Sonic told Hal. "I've been trapped in a submarine pod, dangled by a fishing line, dragged across floors and stairs, burnt by jets, and sunk in a temporary ocean. And not _one_ chance have I had to run across dry land! So now, I say I RUN!" Sonic sped away out of the Blue Typhoon and ran into the distance for the rest of the day. Or rather, across the planet's circumference multiple times.

* * *

><p><em>Wow, this has to be the longest chapter I've written. Probably because I had so much stuff for this chapter. I'm just wondering if I should keep HAL in capitals all the time or just settle for Hal. Anyway, hopefully the next chapter would be shorter. See you next time!<em>


	4. A Frenemy Indeed

_Well, since no one has yet spoke about the Hal/HAL thing, I'll just keep mixing it up. Anyway, the next chapter is here, so enjoy!_

Episode 4: A Frenemy Indeed

On the planet Hydoo, the inhabitants and their apparent leader Yoda spoke to Sonic and his friends. Yoda began, "Returned planet egg, you have. You, we thank!"

"It was practically nothing," replied Sonic, remembering the flaw that made the battle easier.

Yoda continued, "In order, celebrations are! With a feast, we start."

"A feast for us?" thought Sonic outloud. "Well, do you have enough food for over twenty thousand passengers?" A crowd of passengers quickly assembled around Yoda and the inhabitants.

Yoda gazed at the passengers and sighed, "Minor setback, this is."

After an hour of cramming every passenger into the dining hall, the feast was about to begin. Many people struggled to fit in the seating capacity, which led to several passengers uncomfortably sharing seats. At last, the food was brought in by servants that squeezed through the attendants to put the food on the table. Sonic (who had to share a seat with Tails and Amy), looked at each food that was put on the extremely long table. "Uh, excuse me. Could anyone pass the chili dogs please?" asked Sonic to the people.

A Hydoo inhabitant looked at Sonic and slowly inquired, "Chi...li... dogs?"

Sonic's eyes widened in shock. "N-no chili dogs?" He quickly looked left and right at all the food and didn't see any chili dogs. "No chili dogs! NO CHILI DOGS!" Sonic hyperventalated. He shook his seat and tried getting out. "NO CHILI DOGS! WHY NO CHILI DOGS?" Sonic started moving like he was having a seizure. "NOOO! I NEED CHILI DOGS!"

Tails hurriedly looked at the food available. He then quickly grabbed a sausage, sliced a bread roll in two, placed the sausage in the cut roll, and then dumped some cooked beans on it. Tails handed it to Sonic and told him, "Here, this is as close to a chili dog as I could get it!"

Sonic stopped shaking and grabbed the faux chili dog. He took a bite, and said, "This tastes like crap." Sonic shrugged and added, "But it'll do."

_So Sonic refuses to eat anything that's not a chili dog? How has he survived all this time?_

All the way at the very end of the table, Cosmo was watching in awe at Tails' quick action. "I have no idea what Tails just did, but it still amazes me." breathed Cosmo as she tried squinting to see Tails.

Calvan, who was sharing her seat, chortled at what Cosmo said and scoffed, "Oh, soon you'll see that I'm _far_ better than this Tails person." He then continued to himself, "And if all goes as planned, then Cosmo shall, nay, _will_ fall madly in love with me, and everything else will fall into place."

A servant approached Cosmo with a covered platter and announced, "Miss Cosmo and her family shall now receive their meal." He placed the platter in front of Cosmo and lifted the cover. The platter only held several bowls of water and tanks of carbon dioxide. "The sunlight shall arrive in a moment." added the servant as he pointed to the skylight.

Cosmo was puzzled at this "meal" and inquired, "Why do you serve us these things?"

The servant seemed confused and responded, "Well, don't plants 'eat' water, carbon dioxide, and sunlight?"

Cosmo objected, "I'm not _that_ kind of plant!"

The servant stammered, "S-sorry miss. I suppose you're more like, how you call it, the venus flytrap? I'll send some flies down here in a moment!"

Cosmo winced and exclaimed, "I don't eat flies!"

"Don't worry about the flies upsetting you!" added the servant. "If you want, I'll also send down spiders to catch the flies. Oh, but that means you'll also have to swallow a bird to catch the spiders. Ah, and then a cat to catch the bird and then a dog and a goat and horse."

Cosmo groaned, "Stop! Look, maybe you should just give us a salad."

The servant stopped in his tracks. "You _want_ a _salad_?" He stared at Cosmo and gasped, "You're a cannibal!" The servant hollered to the others, "Cannibal alert! We have a pack of cannibals here!" All the other servants panicked and escaped the dining hall while Cosmo exasperatedly placed her hands over her head.

With the feast finished, the next event was a parade. Naturally, the orchestra played the celebration music at the end of _Star Wars: The Phantom Menace_. The main heroes were on floats shaped like ships.

"So this planet isn't supposed to have water, yet they have shiplike floats?" Amy asked.

"Less talking, more celebrating!" shouted an inhabitant who pushed Sonic and Chris onto a giant trampoline on one of the floats.

"Whoooaah!" Sonic yelled as his body stiffly spun in the air. "It looks like we've been edited in Sony Vegas!"

Tails and Amy were pushed on next. "Stop! I'm gonna throw up!" Amy cried as she held her hands over her mouth.

"Maybe we should've done this _before_ eating!" groaned Tails as he clutched his stomach. Yet the inhabitants wouldn't let them stop spinning in Sony Vegas form.

"If this is how they treat their friends," began Chris as he stiffly went up. "I'd hate to see how they treat their enemies!"

Yoda answered, "Same thing to our enemies, we do. Play Rick Astley songs instead, we do."

"Ok, we have it easy." remarked Sonic.

Knuckles was walking through the crowd until one inhabitant asked him, "Would you like to take a ride on our trampoline?"

Knuckles looked at his friends jumping in discomfort and replied, "No thanks. I'm going to check out some place without this music."

Meanwhile, Dr. Eggman was spying on Sonic and the others from his Crimson Egg, which had crashed into the back of the Blue Typhoon. Fortunately, no one seemed to notice. "Heheheh, while they have their 'fun', I shall swipe their Chaos Emerald and restart my collection!" cackled Eggman. "Since they think they're on vacation, they wouldn't even care! Now, to actually come up with a plan..."

Bocoe and Decoe were trying to repair the damage to the Crimson Egg until Decoe told Bocoe, "He's going to come up with another stupid plan again."

Bocoe sighed, "Hasn't he learned any of his lessons yet?"

Bokkun agreed, "His plans get as old as he is."

"I heard that!" shouted Dr. Eggman. He held up a toolbox marked 'Death Tools' and calmly asked, "Now will you care to elaborate on the many ways I'm getting stupid and old?"

Decoe and Bocoe froze and claimed, "We'd tell you, but we have a headache now! Yes, a big headache!"

"Hmm, is that right?" Eggman inquired. He rested his arms on his toolbox and mused, "You know what people in the old days used to do when they had headaches?" Decoe and Bocoe were silent with fear. Eggman continued, "Well, they used to drill holes in their heads to let out all the bad blood. But, of course, you're robots." He grabbed an electric drill and asked, "Now who wants to go first?"

"NOOOOOOO!" cried Bocoe and Decoe as they ran away from Eggman.

"Come back here! You don't have to worry since I'm a doctor!" yelled Eggman as he chased after the two robots.

Bokkun sighed, "Finally some time for myself." But suddenly, a hand yanked him from behind. "Ack! Something bad's gonna happen to me right now." The hand pulled him down to the lowest floor of the Crimson Egg and threw Bokkun against a wall. "Please don't hurt me! I'm just a minor character that somehow has generated a fanbase!" Then Bokkun looked up and saw that Rouge was the one that dragged him down here. "Oh no, not you again!"

Rouge snickered, "That's right, I followed you the same way you followed the Blue Typhoon."

"By the same way, you mean by suction cup?" asked Bokkun.

"Exactly the same." Rouge replied. "However, that means that my ship has crashed into your ship the same way your ship-"

"Enough, I get it!" Bokkun interrupted. "So why'd ya pull me down here?"

"Oh, I just need a small favour." Rouge began while sitting next to Bokkun.

"No! I won't do your favours!" Bokkun retorted. "And fix your breastplate! That cleavage makes me feel uncomfortable!"

Rouge frowned and stated, "Alright. I can do my own favours." She pulled out a heart-shaped locket and continued, "So I guess that means you wouldn't mind this flying around the ships?"

Bokkun gasped in shock and quickly checked his clothes. "How'd you get that?"

"I have my ways." Rouge responded. "Anyway, since you don't wanna help me, I guess I'll be showing off my latest treasure piece. Of course it wouldn't be worth much, but the photo of your crush might spark some interest."

"Nooo!" Bokkun cried. "Pleeeaaase don't reveal the photo inside! If anyone sees the picture of my love inside, some people might actually start supporting me and her together!"

Rouge was perplexed at Bokkun's answer. "And you don't want that to happen because..." Rouge prompted while dangling the locket.

"Because... because..." Bokkun started. "Just because! Fans of me and fans of her can't mix because of that! For some reason! JUST DON'T REVEAL MY SECRET!"

"If, and only if you do my favour, I won't reveal the locket." Rouge said. "Ok?" Bokkun nodded worriedly, then Rouge began, "Good. Now here's what you must do..."

Later, Bokkun stepped back to the main floor of the Crimson Egg. Dr. Eggman was still chasing Decoe and Bocoe with a power drill. Bokkun waited for the right moment to call Dr. Eggman, then shouted, "Eggman! There's something I must tell you!"

Eggman stopped in his tracks, which made Decoe and Bocoe escape to another section. "Darn it! The moment you called me just happened to be the exact time the robots were near a hallway!"

"Don't worry, I have a new plan for you!" Bokkun responded. He walked over to Eggman and started whispering in his ear.

Eggman nodded briefly, then shouted, "What? No no no!" Bokkun kept whispering, then Eggman replied, "Wait, how does that work?" Dr. Eggman continued listening, then grumbled, "Why are you telling me how to parallel park?"

"Because it's very difficult!" answered Bokkun. "Did you know that in every country there's at least 3 people that don't know how to parallel park? At least, that seems to be a reasonable statistic..."

"But what about how to get the Chaos Emerald?" groaned Eggman.

"Oh yeah! Sorry." said Bokkun. He continued whispering in Eggman's ear, and then Eggman started grinning.

"Hmm, it seems like you're onto something." began Eggman. "Apparently I'm congratulating one of my robots for a good plan, so either I'm going crazy or Bokkun is turning out to be a genius!"

"WHAT?" gasped Decoe and Bocoe from behind a crate.

"Aha! I knew you wouldn't hide forever!" Dr. Eggman declared as he took out his power tool. Bocoe and Decoe hurried away from Eggman while he yelled, "You can't escape meeee!"

Rouge grinned as she spied on the scene. "My anti-heroic plan is working." she remarked.

Later, Knuckles was walking in the desert. "I wonder when those crazy Iraq-ish people will stop tossing Sonic and the others. Oops, forgot my disclaimer: I am not racist toward mistreated nationalities. There, now I'm good."

_Knuckles had to say a disclaimer to himself?_

_No, he's saying it in case other people read about these events. Like now!_

After a while, Knuckles heard a familiar voice shout, "Oh no! I'm about to crash!" Dr. Eggman's Egg Mobile nosedived to the ground and crashlanded in front of Knuckles.

Knuckles sighed, "Guess I'd better help him." He ran over to the crash area and removed the wreckage. "Well well well, if it isn't Dr. Eggman. How'd you get here?"

Eggman began, "Ah Knuckles dear friend, I was piloting my new space ship through space until I just happened to come across your ship. It got in my path, causing me to crash into it. I escaped into my Egg Mobile and then had to drop down here." He pointed to where the Blue Typhoon was and added, "You can see where my ship smashed into yours from here."

Knuckles looked to where Eggman was pointing and asked, "Why is there a giant suction cup coming from your ship?"

Dr. Eggman hurriedly explained, "It just popped out when I crashed. Like an airbag!"

Knuckles stared at Eggman, then said, "Ok, that makes sense. So I guess you're in a sticky situation now."

"Ohoho Knuckles, your wording!" laughed Eggman. "Oh, I'm getting so old, you don't want to know about the problems I have to face. Like osteoporosis and prostate disorders! I don't want to die on this drought-cursed planet, so I want to borrow your Chaos Emerald."

"Wait a second! You've tricked me at least twice before!" started Knuckles. "How do I know I should trust you this time?"

Eggman stated, "There are many monsters in the world, and I am one of them. Now trust me."

Knuckles stared again, then responded. "Ok, I'll help you."

Eggman secretly laughed maniacally to himself. "Excellent. Yes, I'm ripping off Mr. Burns now."

Later, Knuckles met with the others once they were finished throwing up. After cleaning up, Knuckles told them his brilliant idea.

"WHAAAAAAAAAT?" they shouted.

Amy clenched Knuckles' shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"No! Eggman said he's getting old, so it's nice to do something for the elderly." Knuckles reasoned.

"Unless the elderly person in question is _evil_." groaned Tails.

"But he said that I can trust him now!" pointed out Knuckles.

"Maybe he _lied_? _Again_?" asked Sonic.

Knuckles shook his head and replied, "Never mind. You can't stop me anyway." He went over to Cosmo and snatched the Chaos Emerald from her hands. "Besides, I found the Chaos Emerald, so I'll do what I want with it."

"Cheese found it-" Cream reminded.

"SHUT UP!" shouted Knuckles (the same way he did to Sonic in that one episode). He started walking away with the Emerald until Sonic blocked his path.

"Since it's useless trying to convince you," began Sonic. He put up his fists and continued, "We're going to *censored* then!"

_WHAT? NO! No no no! That would never happen!_

_Prove me wrong!_

Knuckles grinned and responded, "Then let's *censored*!"

Cosmo was shocked at what these two were saying. "No! You shouldn't do this!"

Knuckles placed the blue Chaos Emerald on a nearby rock and said, "Just so this gem doesn't go anywhere during our session."

Cosmo ran toward the two and shouted, "No! This isn't right!"

"Get out of the way, Cosmo." warned Sonic. "You could get hurt being this close."

Cosmo then hurried to the others and told them, "We must stop them!" But to her dismay, the others were calm and talking amongst themselves.

"Does my short skirt make my butt look big?" asked Amy to Cream.

"No, your butt looks very nice." commented Cream.

Tails told Chris, "So, how are you coping without puberty?"

"It has its ups and downs." answered Chris.

Cosmo cried, "Did you hear me? Sonic and Knuckles are going to do something wrong!"

"They always do this. It's best not to try to stop them." replied Cream.

"It pleases them. Why would you want to stop them?" Amy inquired.

Cosmo's eyes widened in realization. "These people aren't normal. They're letting their friends commit immoral acts." she gasped to herself. She then rushed back to Sonic and Knuckles, who were preparing to get it done. "Stop! You cannot do this!"

"What're you talking about?" Knuckles asked.

Cosmo started, "Intercourse should only take place after marraige! And it should only be between a man and his wife!"

"Oh boy, you're one of those 'traditional family values' people." sighed Sonic. He, Knuckles, and the rest pretty much had no choice but to listen to Cosmo's lecture. So they all sat around her and waited for her to be done talking.

Cosmo continued, "You can't treat intimacy as something casual! People should know that..."

At the same time, Dr. Eggman was spying the scene. "This is perfect! No one would dare walk away from a little girl's lecture! And with the Chaos Emerald unprotected, I can just take it without any inter-"

"DR. EGGMAN!" shouted Bokkun as he flew towards him. "Thank goodness I found you! I was getting worried sick!"

"Shush! They can still hear you." Eggman spoke. "Get out of here now. The Chaos Emerald is within my grasp!"

"OK! I just thought you were in trouble! HERE AT THE POINTY ROCKS!" Bokkun replied loudly.

"Be quiet and fly away already!" hissed Eggman.

"Sorry! I thought you were hungry, so I got you a banana!" Bokkun said as he tossed the doctor a banana. "And throw the peel away in the nearby dump 20 MILES SOUTHWEST FROM THE CITY!"

"Stop shouting locations and get outta here!" groaned Eggman. Bokkun flew up high and waved hyperly away.

Unbeknownst to Eggman, Bokkun was shouting the locations for Rouge to hear. "Hmhmhm, Bokkun is actually useful." she remarked.

Eggman crawled toward the Emerald. "Almost there..." he breathed. Dr. Eggman slowly reached for the Chaos Emerald, only to have a giant mallet crush his hand. "YOOOOOOOW!" he shouted, then quickly rubbed his hand.

Amy held her hammer triumphantly and spoke, "Finally! My hammer was getting bored from Cosmo's lecture."

"Get back here, Amy!" called Cosmo. "You need to hear about why female liberation is wrong!"

"_After_ I flatten this swine!" responded Amy as she notioned the others to come. The group hurried away from Cosmo and surrounded Dr. Eggman. Cosmo sighed and she went with the group too.

"What are you doing here?" asked Knuckles. "Why are you trying to get the Chaos Emerald yourself?" Everyone else groaned at Knuckles' obliviousness.

"Look, it's not what it looks like!" claimed Eggman. He picked up his banana and continued, "See? I have a banana with me! Would you like to hear about the banana?"

"We don't want to hear your banana story." groaned Amy as she held her hammer higher.

"Wait! It's actually quite interesting!" Eggman spoke. "See, once upon a time, this banana was growing on a tree somewhere in the jungle. It wanted to get off the tree, but it couldn't since it was stuck."

Sonic snatched the banana and took a bite. "Then it was eaten by me. The end."

"You don't understaaaand!" whined Dr. Eggman. "That banana was the only friend I had on this planet!"

"What about me?" asked Knuckles.

"Well, uh..." Eggman fidgeted for the words. "You're an acquaintance."

Sonic munched on the banana some more and told Knuckles, "See what I mean? He's tricking you again for the Chaos Emerald."

"No! It can't be true!" cried Knuckles. He worriedly asked Eggman, "Is it true that our trust was a sham all along?"

Eggman crossed his arms and sighed, "Yes, you idiot."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Knuckles as cheesy soap-opera music played.

Sonic patted Knuckles' shoulder and said, "Don't worry. You'll learn someday."

Dr. Eggman spoke up, "Well, I would've done this earlier, but now I feel less bad about it." He pulled out a pager and pressed a button. In the distance, a red and blue truck drove toward the group. It stopped, then its parts reassembled themselves into a tall robot with Bocoe and Decoe inside.

"Optimus Prime?" gasped Chris.

Decoe explained, "Not exactly. While most fans would settle for fan _models_ of Optimus Prime, Dr. Eggman took the liberty of creating a life-sized working fan_bot_!"

"It even _sounds_ like the real thing!" added Bocoe as he pushed a button on the sound board.

"I am Optimus Prime." boomed the robot.

"But I thought Optimus Prime was one of the _good_ guys!" exclaimed Cream.

"_Is_ he?" challenged Dr. Eggman.

"Uh, yes." answered Amy.

"Never mind!" groaned Eggman. The robot picked him up and placed him inside the head where the controls were. "Now, Optimus Prime! Grab the little plant thing!" Fan Optimus Prime targeted Cosmo, and swiftly grabbed her and held her high.

Tails gasped, "No! Don't hurt Cosmo!"

"Ok, here's how this is going to go!" announced Eggman. "Give me the Chaos Emerald, or Optimus Prime will destroy the walking salad!"

"For your information, I'm not a salad!" shouted Cosmo as she struggled to get free.

While the others began arguing over several matters (like who should save Cosmo and why Eggman chose Optimus Prime), Rouge snickered, "Now that _they_ are distracted, I can snatch the Chaos Emerald and restart _my_ collection!" She sneaked over to the Chaos Emerald, but a rumbling in the ground stopped her. "Great. Who's going to join the party _now_?"

Rising out of the ground, a giant robotic frog knocked Rouge out of the way and eyed the Chaos Emerald. The others stopped arguing and stared at the new foe.

"FROGGY!" exclaimed Big the Cat.

Everyone else looked at Big and asked, "How'd _you_ get here?"

Big explained, "I was one of the passengers! But somehow I was put in the animal hold."

The robot frog declared, "I am not this 'Froggy'! I'm the new Metarex machine, and the Chaos Emerald is mine! Anyone that dares to oppose me shall get 'pwned'!"

"Ha! Optimus Prime can 'pwn' you any day!" taunted Eggman. He quietly asked his robots, "What does 'pwn' mean?"

"The word 'pwn' means to conquer easily and awesomely!" elaborated Bocoe.

"So Optimus Prime would be a good candidate to 'pwn' this Metarex!" added Decoe.

"Right you are!" Eggman agreed. "But I'd better let go of this plant girl so both of the arms can fight!" Then Fan Optimus Prime tossed Cosmo away.

"I'll get her!" shouted Knuckles. He jumped high and caught Cosmo in midair.

"Hey, _I_ wanted to save her!" Tails said.

Knuckles landed with Cosmo and asked her, "You ok? Nothing hurt or anything? You'd like some water or food? Can I get you anything?"

"The Metarex is getting away with the Emerald!" cried Cosmo.

Knuckles looked and saw the frog Metarex hopping away with the blue Chaos Emerald in its tongue. "Oh, so it is."

Eggman commanded, "Now, Optimus Prime! Roll out!" Fan Optimus charged after the Metarex and double punched the frog at the mouth, followed by a flip jump to the other side and bullets firing. Then Fan Optimus punched the frog some more and did a lock-hold on its neck. But all these moves didn't affect the Metarex...

"Haha! Not even dang Optimus Prime can fight me!" laughed the frog Metarex as it knocked Eggman's robot off. "All of you are foolish! Only the Metarex know how to use the Chaos Emeralds to their full potential!"

Eggman scowled and shouted, "Rubbish! You may have beaten Optimus Prime, but you haven't beaten Optimus Prime with a sword!" He pushed a button and the robot took out a sword made up of spare truck parts. "I have even taken the liberty of making a fan sword!" Fan Optimus Prime tried slashing the Metarex, but it still was ineffective. The Frog Metarex then wrapped its tongue around the sword and swallowed it. "Hey! That sword took me over fifteen minutes to make!" The Metarex then stuck out its tongue and zapped Fan Prime with high voltage. Soon, the robot collapsed. Eggman kneeled before Fan Optimus Prime and cried, "No! Optimus Priiiiime!"

Fan Optimus Prime wheezed, "I died for your sins..." Then, the fanbot was dead.

Dr. Eggman shouted, "Please no! You were my only other friend on this planet!"

"Enough." stated the Metarex as it fired a missile at Eggman and the other robots.

"We're blasting off again!" they yelled as they flew off into the sky.

Sonic whispered to Tails, "I've got an idea. We fire up the Blue Typhoon and run over the Metarex. Just like we did to that walkie-talkie one!"

Tails shook his head and told Sonic, "I'm not sure. There isn't much room for the Blue Typhoon to go with all the rocks around."

"Aww! This could've been a good opportunity to make a bunch of 'Frogger' jokes!" whined Sonic.

Tails pondered for a moment, then spoke up, "Well, there is always the Blue Typhoon's Sonic Drive Cannon."

Sonic looked up in surprise. "The ship has a cannon? Why didn't you tell me that before?"

"Well, you seemed to like running things over with the Blue Typhoon, so I figured that was your-"

"No! Now the _cannon_ is my favourite toy!" spoke Sonic. "How does it work?"

Tails explained, "We first need to make the Metarex stay still. But how?"

Chris then got an idea. "Don't worry! I have a plan!" He ran over to a nearby float that drifted away from the city.

Sonic hyperly asked Tails, "Ok, take me to the cannon! I wanna see the cannon!"

The Metarex watched Sonic and Tails head to the Blue Typhoon. "Running away is the best thing for you!"

_That insult just... sucked._

"Hey Robo-Froggy!" called Chris from on top of the float. The Metarex saw Chris holding a circular object. "That's right! I have the Planet Egg right here!"

"What? How did he get it out so fast?" gasped Cosmo.

The Metarex remarked, "Strange, this planet isn't flooded again. But if you say so!" Then the robot frog hopped toward Chris.

Knuckles shouted, "Chris is taunting the Metarex with the _Planet Egg_? Not on my watch!" He charged after the frog Metarex since it was in the direction of Chris.

At the Blue Typhoon, Tails explained to Sonic, "This cannon needs a special kind of ammunition for it to work."

"Alright! Nuclear cannon balls!" Sonic excitedly shouted.

"Actually, it's not _that_ kind..." Tails said.

"Ok, where is it?"

Tails looked around, then told Sonic, "Just stand on this platform inside the gun barrel and you'll see." Tails then hurried over to the controls to set it up.

Sonic went inside the cannon and stood on the platform. "I don't see it!" he said looking around.

Tails quickly set the controls and the target setting. "Oh, it's there! J-just keep looking!" He pushed the 'Fire Hedgehog' button, and the cannon shot Sonic out.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAH! !" Sonic shouted as he sailed right out there.

At the same time, Chris tossed the spherical object into the air. The Frog Metarex then jumped up to catch it. Knuckles declared, "I'll get it!" He climbed up the back of the Metarex and did a slow-motion jump to catch it. "I win!"

Sonic looked ahead and saw the Metarex he was about to crash into. "Ok, Sonic, prepare for lots of stinging." he told himself. Sonic shot into the Metarex with high force, making it explode pieces everywhere.

"Owwie!" groaned Knuckles as he was pelted with Metarex pieces. He started falling to the ground and landed on his knees. "...Gaaaaaaaaaaah!"

The others crowded around Knuckles. "Are you ok? You seem hurt!"

Knuckles staggered to get up and smiled. "Yes! I saved the Planet Egg! I'm not useless after all!" Then the object deflated with a farting sound. "What? I don't understand!"

Chris hurried over to Knuckles and explained, "It isn't the real Planet Egg. Sorry, I thought you knew."

Knuckles was so shocked that he quickly fainted.

It wasn't until sunset that Knuckles woke up. He groaned, "Am I to understand that I made all those efforts for nothing?"

"Exactly!" said Sonic with a grin.

Before Knuckles could clench his shoulders and shout about him being crazy, Cosmo remarked, "At least we all learned a lesson from today's episode: you can't trust people that tricked you before."

Knuckles sighed and smiled at Cosmo. "You're right, you're right. I'm sorry for being gullible again and having a gay moment." He stepped towards Cosmo and continued, "I realize that I don't want to make you upset. I don't want you to feel threatened by my blunders and my rage." Knuckles then held Cosmo's hands and finished, "In fact, I feel a new calm when I'm around you. So I want you to help me become a better person. What do you say?"

Cosmo slowly pulled her hands away from Knuckles and said, "Uh, I'm glad to see you're fine, Knuckles. But not _that_ glad. I do have a _boyfriend_ now, you know. His name is Tails!"

Knuckles clenched Cosmo's shoulders and shouted in her face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"Sorry, I thought you knew." Cosmo told Knuckles.

"Yeah, you never made a move until now." Tails pointed out. He turned to Cosmo and asked, "Now what were you saying about who should be the dominant head in a family?"

Sonic remarked slyly, "Maybe Cosmo should 'lecture' me sometime!" Which resulted in a slap from Amy.

Meanwhile, on the Crimson Egg, Dr. Eggman scolded his robots, "This failure was your fault! It was your idea to give Optimus Prime a sword!"

"Hey! It wasn't _our_ idea to give him a sword!" claimed Bocoe and Decoe. "It was _your_- we mean, it was Bokkun's idea!"

Eggman looked around and asked, "Where is he anyway?"

On Rouge's ship, which was still attached to the Crimson Egg, Rouge told Bokkun, "My plan might've failed this time, but there'll be other Chaos Emeralds!" She leaned uncomfortably close to Bokkun and added, "And you'll help me again, won't you?"

"No way!" Bokkun shouted. He coughed, "Dumb sl*t!"

Rouge took out Bokkun's locket and asked, "Could you repeat that?"

Bokkun stammered, "I mean, uh, numb gut!" He whimpered for a bit, then yelled, "_Bakaaaaa!_"

"Did you just call me an idiot?" Rouge snapped as she slapped Bokkun.

Bokkun sniffed, "Sorry."

On the back of the Blue Typhoon, Calvan was communicating with his secret partners in crime. "Cosmo still seems to love that fox boy! But soon she'll learn to love me! And then our plan will be in full swing!"

His partners, a gang of space sharks, replied, "Don't worry! Once your plan works, we can move on to destroying the Blue Typhoon!"

_Are you kidding me? Calvan is working with a gang of _space sharks_?_

"Be quiet! James Bond is on to me, and I think the other passengers here might eavesdrop on us!" warned Calvan.

The space sharks responded, "Just remember to give us the word when we must attack the ship!" Then the sharks swam away into distant outer space.

* * *

><p><em>Alright, hope you liked this chapter! Next time I'm doing the episode with the ice planet. And since this fanfic is full of pop culture references, you can tell where this is going...<em>


	5. The Big Chill Discovery

_Ok guys, the new chapter is right here! Oh, and if you didn't understand the hint I gave you at the end of last chapter, then don't worry, I'm sure you'll figure out the main pop culture reference source. In fact, I've practically made it as obvious as possible..._

Episode 5: The Big Chill Discovery

The Blue Typhoon continued on its vacation cruise through space.

_Space sharks? Why space sharks? Did this tale really need space sharks? That talk? And form evil gangs? And are working with an evil fiancé? That somehow James Bond can't find? Even though the fiancé is so much like a James Bond villain?_

_I can't continue my story with you blabbering like that. Ahem, as I was saying..._

At least, Sonic and his friends thought it was a vacation cruise. But something else had a different idea...

Hal announced, "I am detecting another Chaos Emerald in a distant planet."

"Whatever." Sonic said while drinking his Blue Hawaii cocktail. "Don't bother us while we're on vacation."

Chris checked his newfangled Chaos Emerald radar and observed, "Well, it's on the way to our next stop. Wherever it is."

Knuckles hurried into the room and shouted, "Guess what? I've felt _another_ Chaos Emerald present on another planet!"

"Sorry, Knuckles. HAL already told us." Tails told Knuckles.

Knuckles scowled at HAL's red camera and accused, "No fair! I bet you're just hearing me _say_ that there's a new Chaos Emerald and simply telling it to the others before I can!"

Hal responded, "I sense that you're in the 'denial' stage of grief."

Knuckles stammered wildly, "G-wh-y-I-n-a-"

"Maybe you should lie down, Knuckles." advised Tails, patting him on the shoulder. Still stammering, Knuckles let Tails guide him out the door.

Sonic asked Hal sternly, "Fine. What is this planet?"

Hal stated, "The next Chaos Emerald is on the planet Blizzard."

"Eh, I don't like the name 'Blizzard'. Blizzard means ice and snow, and that means frozen water." grumbled Sonic. "Although, the last planet Hydoo was said to be a desert planet, but it ended up being filled with water. So _maybe_ this planet is actually a desert!" He started giggling at the thought of running across a desert again. "Ok, you have me convinced! To planet Blizzard!"

Amy declared, "Activating scene cut warp!" She pushed a button and a big portal opened in front of the ship.

"No fair! I wanted to activate it!" groaned Tails as he was rushing back from helping Knuckles. The Blue Typhoon headed into the portal, which made everthing look coloured like Fruit Roll-ups.

Meanwhile, the Crimson Egg was still attached to the Blue Typhoon. Dr. Eggman laughed, "Even though they _know_ I was following them before, they still didn't bother to cut me off!" He noticed Bokkun was looking out at the back of the ship. "Don't look back, Bokkun! We're not going _that_ way!"

Bokkun just looked at Eggman, nodded, and looked back. He was still making sure Rouge's ship was attached so Dr. Eggman wouldn't cut her off. Or else...

At last, the Blue Typhoon headed out the other side of the portal and everything was normal coloured again. Ahead they could see the planet Blizzard, which didn't look anything like a desert planet.

"Whoa! We must've gone throught the wrong portal!" objected Sonic. "Otherwise, the planet Blizzard is actually having a blizzard."

"The radar says the Chaos Emerald is right up ahead, so this must be the right planet." Chris said.

"No! There must be some mistake!" Sonic cried. He ran up to Hal, pressing his nose against the lens, and sputtered, "Please say it's a mistake!"

"I'm sorry, Sonic." said Hal. "Any mistake would only be attributable to human error. And Chris didn't make any mistakes."

"What about Knuckles?" whimpered Sonic. "Please, oh please say Knuckles is wrong! We can't stop here! This is frozen water planet!"

"This is the correct planet." Hal stated. "Look, Sonic, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill and think things over."

"B-but-but-" Sonic stuttered.

"Now, now." Tails said while pulling Sonic away. He sat Sonic down to a chair and continued, "If you don't want to go on the planet, you don't _have_ to go on the planet. No one said you had to go on the planet anyway!"

"Actually, we might still need him to go outside." interrupted Chris. "There seems to be a lot of Metarex on the planet. In fact, they might've stolen the Planet Egg to change the climate to this way!"

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" shouted Sonic. "The planet is named _Blizzard_, but it originally didn't have a cold climate?"

"Well, Hydoo sort of means water, and yet it was originally a desert planet." noted Chris. "Maybe the planets are named after what they're _not_, or what they'll become if the Planet Egg is taken."

"That... makes... no... SENSE!" yelled Sonic. "What? Next thing we know, Mobius is going to become a Mobius strip?"

"It might." said Amy.

Tails sighed, "Sorry Sonic. Looks like you have to go on the planet whether you like it or not."

Sonic stared for a moment, then said, "Ok Tails. You're right. I'll just go and YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GET ON THE PLANET!" He zoomed out of the chair and headed to the controls. Sonic hastily grabbed the steering handle and made a hard right turn, causing everyone on the ship to be flung left. As the ship was passing by the planet, Sonic snickered creepily, "See? I'm piloting the ship _away_ from the planet! No way you can get me to set foot on that planet now!"

At the same time on the planet, a Baryonyx-shaped Metarex eyed the Blue Typhoon nearing the atmosphere. "No one must be in Blizzard's orbit!" it declared and started shooting missiles at it.

The missiles soared high out of the atmosphere and made direct hits at the engines and other parts. Sonic gasped, "No! We're hit! We're hit! We're losing altitude!" Sonic frustratingly moved the handle left and right, up and down, but to no avail. "Who am I kidding? I'm not a skilled pilot!" cried Sonic. "I never completed all the training lessons in Flight Simulator!" The Blue Typhoon finally crashed into the planet's surface (and the other ships attached crashed into each other as well).

Tails tried starting the ship again, but frowned when there was no response. "That Metarex must've hit the main engines and motors." guessed Tails. "It'll take a while to repair them."

Sonic raised his head angrily and said menacingly, "So we're _stuck_ on this planet? This planet... with all... the ICE?"

The others stayed still silent. "...Well things just got chillier." remarked Cream.

On the Crimson Egg, Dr. Eggman regained consciousness. "Uh, leave it to Sonic to botch everything up." grumbled Eggman.

"How'd you know it was _Sonic_ that crashed his ship?" asked Bocoe.

"Let's face it: Sonic is more suited to the ground and thus would be inexperienced flying." reasoned Eggman. "_And_ he is cocky enough to _attempt_ piloting."

"So because of Sonic we're stuck on this planet with him?" Decoe inquired.

Dr. Eggman grinned, "Don't worry, we can set up camp easily here!" Decoe and Bocoe looked excited at this statement. Eggman then tossed three shovels and added, "So you better get to work digging out a camp spot!"

Bocoe sighed as he picked up his shovel, "He always has to turn fun stuff into tedius work."

Decoe grabbed his shovel and noticed the third one lying there. "What's with the third shovel?"

Eggman groaned loudly with a face palm. "Well _obviously_ there are three shovels for _three_ robots! One for Decoe, one for Bocoe, and one for Bokk-" Dr. Eggman stopped to look at the robots. "Where is Bokkun?" Decoe and Bocoe shrugged, prompting Eggman to stomp around the ship looking for Bokkun.

Meanwhile, Rouge was listening in on Eggman's words. "If what he said is correct, that means Bokkun will be coming here any second..."

Right on time, Bokkun stepped through the door. He stopped confused and asked, "Wait, this isn't the Crimson Egg anymore... Oh no! Not Rouge!" Bokkun scrambled to escape, but Rouge picked him up by his jet pack and brought him uncomfortably close.

"Aww, I thought you'd be happy to see me..." Rouge said in a creepy way.

Bokkun nervously stuttered, "O-of course I'm happy. H-happy ind-d-deed."

Rouge set him down and slyly asked, "I just need you to do one small favour." She placed her hand inside her breastplate, making Bokkun feel even more uncomfortable.

"Oh no please don't!" cried Bokkun as he covered his eyes. Rouge then snatched out Bokkun's locket, causing Bokkun to peek at it. "Wait, you were keeping it inside your privates this whole time? EWW! That is giving a wrong message!"

"Would you rather have this locket hidden in _public_ parts?" taunted Rouge.

"Gah! Of course not! I'll do whatever you say!" Bokkun hastily agreed.

Back on the Blue Typhoon, Sonic was still struggling against the push of the others. "No! You can't make me go in the snow! I wanna stay and help Tails repair the ship!"

"But you always find my mechanical engineering boring!" objected Tails.

"Still better than getting frozen water up my-"

"Sonic. Just go outside so people still think you're awesome." stated Chris.

Sonic's eyes welled up. "People think I'm awesome?" he sniffed. Sonic cleared his throat and declared, "Alright. Prepare yourself, snow, for the way-past-coolness of Sonic the Hedghog!" He shouted a battle cry and jumped out of the Blue Typhoon. Only to sink into deep snow. "...Like I was saying, Tails' mechanics is better than snow in my-"

Chris apologized, "Sorry, I should've given you snowshoes first."

"No way..." grumbled Sonic.

Knuckles noticed Cosmo was coming to go with them as well. "Cosmo, don't you think it's better to stay inside?" asked Knuckles. "I mean, ice is super-effective against grass types-"

"I'm not a Pokémon!" shouted Cosmo. "Besides, those frozen trees in the distance could still have life in them. I must check on them!"

Calvan, who just _happened_ to be sitting nearby, spoke up, "Don't worry! I'll come along as well, just to make sure Cosmo doesn't get frost-bite!" He turned to James Bond and asked, "So long as it's ok with you, Bond."

James Bond glanced up from his Goldeneye cocktail and said, "Oh, whatever." He looked at his notes and quietly remarked, "The spy is near, I can feel it! Then again, the spy could be _anyone_ on this ship... Possibly even _me_..."

Once everyone made sure they had snowshoes on, the group of Sonic, Knuckles, Chris, Cosmo, and Calvan headed into the distance. Cosmo started rubbing a frozen tree. Knuckles asked dorkily, "What are you doing?"

"I'm feeling for the tree's life." explained Cosmo.

"What is this, Ferngully?" Sonic exclaimed.

Cosmo continued, "Plants and trees are living beings too."

"Yeah, but they're not exactly in our biological kingdom, if you know what I mean." pointed out Chris.

Cosmo kept feeling the tree, but replied sadly, "I'm not getting anything."

"Because it's a tree." Sonic said flatly.

"No, it's because this tree is dead." she added.

"Or maybe because it's a TREE!" Sonic repeated loudly. He groaned and whined to Chris, "I thought this was supposed to be a _fun_ vacation! But noooo, we _have_ to find the Chaos Emeralds, and we _have_ to save Planet Eggs! And _now_ we're stuck trying to TALK TO TREES!"

Chris suggested, "Maybe we should get back to the Blue Typhoon and use the X Tornado to scout the land. What do you think, Calvan?"

Calvan looked up. "What? Oh, sure, anywhere Cosmo goes." He thought, _With that fox out of the way, I must take advantage of this opportunity. And of Cosmo, too._ Calvan slyly went toward Cosmo and said, "Now, now, we both know that tree ain't coming back. But, hey, I'm available!" SLAP! "Ok, I'll just wait until you're ready." Another SLAP!

The group went into the X Tornado and waited for it to move slowly through the shafts. Chris groaned into his intercom, "Tails, you could've made this thing go faster."

"I tried fixing the platform-moving system," Tails replied. "But it doesn't seem improved due to us running on low power."

The X Tornado at last made it to the top of the shaft. As the catapult set itself up with the X Tornado, Sonic glared at Knuckles. "You better make sure I don't fall off into the snow, and if I _do_ fall off, you better watch your back, 'cause I'll be chewing you out on it. As in telling you off from behind."

_Alright, Sonic failed at warning menacingly._

Knuckles shrugged and told Chris, "Let's just take off." Chris turned on the ignition and the radio started playing Rusted Root's song _Send Me On My Way_. Knuckles listened to the opening guitar solo and remarked, "Ooh! I know this song!"

"_I would like to reach out my hands. I may see you, I may tell you to run._"

"Here we go!" Chris announced as they took off with the song still playing.

Calvan, who was sitting too close for Cosmo's comfort, casually spoke, "I'm just going to break the ice, no pun intended. I can do anything for you, anything in my capacity!"

"_Well, I would like to hold my little hand; How we will run we will, how we will crawl we will. I would like to hold my little hand; How we will run we will, how we will crawl!_"

Calvan sighed and mused, "Oh, how those lyrics describe what I wish for us in the future!"

Cosmo tried pushing Calvan away and groaned, "Please stop trying to make me like you." Calvan briefly scowled and sat back.

"_Send me on my way (on my way), send me on my way (on my way), send me on my way! (On my way!) Mm hmm!_"

At the bridge of the song, Sonic noted, "We're lost! We have no idea where to go!"

"Hey, let's ask that guy for directions!" called Knuckles. They quickly stopped the X Tornado near the ground and saw Scrat trying to bury his acorn. Knuckles asked, "Excuse me, squirrel-rat thing, have you seen any Metarex come by here? Or anything else weird?"

Scrat shook his head, then pondered for a second, and nodded. He started doing charades, prompting Sonic to exclaim, "Oh! I love this game! Ok, three words. Uh, gun! No, uh, badnik?"

"Lemme try." spoke Chris. "Group? Gang! Gang is the first word! Ok, next word. Uh, lots of teeth and fins!"

Calvan froze (in shock, not ice) at this. He watched Knuckles guess, "Gang of swordfish? Gang of barracuda?" Scrat apparently recognized Calvan as the leader of the gang and started pointing to him frantically.

Sonic sputtered, "Gang of leaves! Gang of patches! Gang of moustaches!" Calvan glanced around, then kicked Scrat far away yelling. Sonic continued, "Gang of pteronadons! Gang of flying flightless birds! Gang of leaping pirahnas!"

"_I would like to hold my little hand; How we will run we will, how we will crawl we will. I would like to hold my little hand; How we will run we will, how we will crawl! Send me on my way! Send me on my way! Send me on my way!_"

_So, the purpose of this part was to use a popular song to a pointless scene?_

At another part of the planet, the new, snowflake-shaped Metarex gazed at his four monitors. "Things are so much more efficient when I can watch four channels at the same time." he remarked. The Metarex glanced backwards at the main Metarex soldiers, which were basically shaped like the Daleks. "If anyone attacks this ice palace, just EXTERMINATE them yourself instead of calling me. I'm busy now."

Back near the Crimson Egg, Dr. Eggman was relaxing in his new Eggman-shaped igloo. "Aah, it's so nice to stay at an igloo somehow shaped like yourself." sighed Eggman while lying down on his ice bed.

Bokkun entered the igloo, pulling a sled full of food. "I figured you were getting hungry, so I got you all this!" He set the sled near the small campfire and let Bocoe and Decoe take what they wanted.

Dr. Eggman noted, "Strange, normally when it comes to food, you'd eat it all yourself."

Bokkun laughed nervously, "But I've changed! Yeah. You will now know me as Bokkun, Lord of the Food!"

"Hey, Lord of the Food!" called Bocoe. "Your jet pack's on fire!"

Bokkun looked at his jet pack and saw it was burning from the campfire. "Huh? AAAH! AAAH!" he cried as he ran around panicking. Decoe pulled Bokkun down onto the snow, muffling the exploding jet pack. "Phew! Thanks a lot! I think I'll call you Decoe!"

"Don't mention it." said Decoe. "_Ever_." He saw some beer in the sled and shouted, "I call dibs on the beer!" Decoe snatched the bottle and started chugging it somehow.

"Oh hurry up, dingbot!" shouted Bocoe. "I wanna try this booze!" Bocoe swiped the bottle and gulped it down.

"Hoowee, good stuff!" remarked Decoe.

"Gimme that!" shouted Eggman as he grabbed the bottle and drank what was left. The three of them swiped the alcoholic beverages and chugged them down continuously. Eventually, they passed out from drunkeness, leaving only Bokkun conscious.

Bokkun sighed, "I knew they'd drink so much. At least I'm not an alcoholic."

Rouge flew past the igloo and laughed, "Like before, my anti-heroic plan is working well. I shall have a new Chaos Emerald very soon..."

At last, the X Tornado made it to the Metarex base. Sonic looked out and asked, "What is the Ice Palace from _Snow Queen_ doing here?"

"Never mind that! We've got Daleks!" Knuckles shouted as he pointed to the main Metarex soldiers flying towards them.

"I wish I could fly like that!" remarked Sonic.

"Wish granted!" yelled Knuckles as he pushed Sonic off.

"Yaaaaaaaa! You didn't pay attention to my warniiiiiiing!" cried Sonic as he fell. Chris rolled his eyes and shot out a Power Ring for Sonic to grab. "Finally! I can blast through these guys awesomely!" He spin-dashed through the Metarex, who were rather dumbstruck and didn't move out of the way.

"I want to be cool!" exclaimed Knuckles as he punched through Metarex soldiers.

"They don't seem to move, so shooting them is easy!" said Chris as he fired at the Metarex. Some of the Metarex whimpingly flew back towards the base. Knuckles and Sonic got back on the X Tornado while it chased after the soldiers. After a while, the Metarex stopped and blocked the path.

Sonic didn't want to waste time with more Metarex-bashing. "Move, sloths!" he ordered. The shout caused the snow on the nearby mountain to fall at once, creating an avalanche headed right for the X Tornado.

"Way to go, Sonic." grumbled Knuckles. They stared as the avalanche charged toward the X Tornado, and there seemed to be no way of escaping. But suddenly, the Blue Typhoon soared into the path of the avalanche and crashed into it, stopping itself and the snow. "That was a lucky break. Where'd _that_ come from?"

On the Blue Typhoon, Tails scolded Amy, "Why did you have to steal the controls from me? Thanks to you, the Blue Typhoon is stuck again!"

Amy snorted, "Sheesh! Can't I have fun _once_ on this vacation?"

Cream looked outside and asked, "Why is the palace from _Snow Queen_ on this planet?" Everyone else looked out at the palace in all its ripped-off glory.

Sonic was preparing to go out and infiltrate the palace. "You sure this'll work, Chris?"

"Everything will be fine." assured Chris as he made sure Sonic had the proper gear on. Sonic then hopped out of the X Tornado and oddly shuffled toward the ice palace. The Dalek Metarex caught sight of Sonic and headed toward him. Sonic meekly shuffled in another direction. When the Metarex got close, Sonic jumped up and revealed his new snow/hoverboard!

"Time for Sonic Riders one year early!" exclaimed Sonic as he quickly slid away from the Metarex. Some Metarex soldiers got run over by Sonic's board, while others got confused when Sonic slid around them. "Slalom! Slalom, baby!"

"Cool! I want a snowboard!" said Knuckles as he tried following Sonic.

"Sorry Knuckles, you're gonna have to wait until Sonic Riders comes out!" shouted Chris.

"What? No fair!" growled Knuckles. He attempted stomping toward the X Tornado, but slipped on the ice. "Waaah! The ice is hard on me!" whined Knuckles. Chris rolled his eyes and stopped the X Tornado near Knuckles. The echidna climbed on with a sad expression on his face.

Sonic slid further into the ice palace, confidently slamming Metarex soldiers easily. "Haha! My board 'pwns' you!" Ahead, Sonic saw a bunch of ice slides. "Ok, cue the hijinks music." sighed Sonic. Silly music started playing as Sonic slid up and around ice chutes while breaking nearby Metarex. Sonic sped up in one chute and was launched up and into snow. "Woo! Yah! Who's up for round two?" he hooted as he jumped out of the snow. "Wait, the snow is melting on me! AAAAH!" Sonic quickly brushed the snow off him and gazed at the main castle ahead. He examined it and muttered, "Mordern architecture. It'll never last."

On the X Tornado, Knuckles' rage was building. He smashed every Metarex soldier nearby and shouted, "Oh? You finally wanna deal with _ME_? Well here's some of _this_!" Knuckles fiercely punched through a bunch of Metarex and crushed others against the walls.

Cosmo observed, "Knuckles seems to be very angry lately."

"That's because he wants to feel useful but everyone else is beating him." explained Chris. "Also he's a bit upset over you rejecting him."

"That echidna needs therapy." mused Calvan.

Outside the palace, Rouge was flying high above and spied the regular path and the straight-to-the-window flight path. "Okay, I choose shortcut." she said as she flew toward the castle. But a flying Metarex suddenly appeared (since the Metarex apparently thought of everything). Rouge scowled and yelled, "Screw you!" She screw-kicked the Metarex and continued normally to the palace.

Sonic blasted through the wall and into the main hold. He scanned the area and spotted a red Chaos Emerald ahead! "Aha!" he exclaimed as he ran toward it at high speed. Only to crash into a wall. "Ow? Huh?"

Chris and the others got inside the room and told Sonic, "Sonic, that's a cave painting."

Sonic looked at the wall and saw that the Chaos Emerald was painted on the wall. "Oh, so it is." He got up and looked around again. "Hmm, these Metarex are clever. They could hide it anywhere..."

"What about that ice pillar in the middle of the room?" asked Cosmo as she pointed to a column of ice with a red Chaos Emerald inside.

"Of course! The Metarex wanted to use reverse psychology on us!" said Sonic. "They figured we'd spend so much time looking in every nook and cranny, so they placed it in an obvious place!"

"Finally! I can grab the Chaos Emerald!" declared Knuckles as he got out his Shovel Claws. "Shovel Claw attack!" he shouted as he clawed at the pillar. But that only bounced the claws back at him. "Ow! The ice pillar used Counter!" groaned Knuckles as he rubbed himself. They then heard a group of marching Metarex coming into the room.

"How dare you!" shouted the snowflake-shaped Metarex as he pointed at the group. "You've infiltrated our personal Chaos Emerald stockpile for the Metarex conquest!"

Sonic said flatly, "So you got one Chaos Emerald?"

The Snowflake Metarex glanced at the single Chaos Emerald, then continued, "If you want to stop the Metarex quest for power, then doom on you!"

The other soldiers stepped toward Sonic's group and chanted, "Doom on you! Doom on you!"

Sonic looked at the approaching Metarex, backing away uneasily. "Get away from me."

The Metarex boss shouted, "Tae Kwon Metarex! Attack!" A trio of Dalek Metarex leaped toward Sonic and shouted stereotypical martial arts cries. They kicked in different directions, which caused some to kick their own teammates away. One Metarex kicked around in a circle that it broke the ice pillar and released the Emerald out the window.

"The Chaos Emerald!" shouted the Snowflake. The others hurried after the Chaos Emerald but fell out the window and crashed. Snowflake Metarex groaned, "Fine, I'll get it!" He soared out the window to grab the Chaos Emerald, but Sonic snatched it and waved it around.

"Ha! I got it!" Sonic taunted while dancing around, not knowing that another Metarex was behind him. The Metarex watched Sonic's tail, then yanked it. "YOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW!" cried Sonic as he let go of the Chaos Emerald. The Emerald bounced off the heads of some other Metarex into the hands of Chris.

"Get the little boy!" commanded Snowflake Metarex.

"Oh boy." sighed Chris as a group of Metarex charged after him. He quickly tossed the Emerald to Knuckles and tried fighting off the group with kung fu moves.

"What? What am I supposed to do with this?" Knuckles asked. The Metarex charged after him. Knuckles' rage returned and he aggressively clobbered as many Metarex as he could see. The Snowflake boss was getting angrier, Sonic blasted through more Metarex, and-

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING! The fight instantly stopped and the Snowflake Metarex glared at where the cellphone ring was coming from. Calvan picked up his cellphone and spoke into it, "Hello? Look, I can't talk right now... Yeah, we're busy recovering some Chaos Emerald." He gave the 'one minute' sign to everyone and turned away to continue his conversation. "...I know! Cosmo thinks _I'm_ crazy! Heheh. Look, we're going to be fighting for a bit, so I can't talk to you anymore. ...Yes, once Cosmo is in love with me, we can finally continue the next phase of the plan! ..._YES,_ Cosmo _is_ falling in love with me more!" Calvan glanced at Cosmo, who was glaring at him in the 'I-clearly-don't-love-you' way. Calvan continued, "Yeah, she's blowing a kiss to me right now! Okay, I'll meet you up later. Yes I like you too. Okay, goodbye. Goodbye. Bye." Calvan closed his cellphone and said, "Alright, where were we?"

_So, what was the point of that phone call?_

_Just wait. I don't want to spoil the surprise just yet._

_It was from the shark gang, wasn't it?_

_You don't know that for sure!_

The Snowflake leader grabbed the Chaos Emerald and shouted, "Watch what the Chaos Emerald can do to the ground!" He smashed it into the ground and stomped on it a couple of times. Then, the Chaos Emerald lodged into the ice with a CRACK! The ground started splitting, and a growing crack spread towards Sonic and his friends (plus Calvan).

Sonic started running away from the crack, but it was keeping up with him! "Aah! This is looking like the opening of _The Day After Tomorrow_!" Sonic jumped out of the way and watched the crack spread around some trees and up a glacier. It continued growing around snow mounds, followed a loop-de-loop ice formation, spread up a mountain and to the top where an ice wedge was. POP! The section of the mountain slid down and started moving toward Sonic. "...Oh crap." Sonic hurried away from the sliding mountain, but surprisingly it was gaining on him. He looked forward and stopped in horror that another mountain section was coming in the other direction. Sonic looked around and then ran to the side as the two sections collided at the top. He hurried toward the opening that was getting smaller due to the merging walls. "Almost out!" Sonic breathed as he got close to the opening. The walls squeezed tighter until Sonic was caught midway through the opening. Sonic winced as the walls continued compressing until the pressure launched Sonic out and far into the distance. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he cried as he was flying into the air. "_I believe I can fly_-"

The Snowflake Metarex grabbed Sonic in midair. "Now I can crush you." he said as his claw closed tighter around Sonic.

In the X Tornado, Chris and Cosmo were flying around the Snowflake Metarex trying to figure out how to save Sonic. Cosmo looked around and asked, "What does _this_ button do?" She pushed a red button on the armrest.

"NO!" shouted Chris, but it was too late. The X Tornado FIRED A LAZAR BLAAAH at the Snowflake Metarex, which sliced off a part of its arm. "Oh, it must be made of real ice." observed Chris. He turned back to Cosmo and scolded, "Anyway, be _careful_ with the contr-" Chris accidentally pressed the button again, which fired a shot at Sonic.

"YOOOOOOOOOOW! SHOOP DA WHOOP!" cried Sonic. He squirmed his way out of the claws and saw the Blue Typhoon coming in the distance. "Hey! Over here!"

Tails' voice boomed from the speakers, "We're coming Sonic! Grab the Chaos Emerald and we'll take care of the Metarex!" The Blue Typhoon fired some shots at the Snowflake Metarex, knocking the Chaos Emerald out of his claw and into Knuckles' hands.

Knuckles glanced up and saw several Metarex soldiers taking a step toward him. He looked around and saw more Metarex stepping from behind. Knuckles stared forward and saw Cosmo's shocked expression from inside the X Tornado far away. Then Knuckles got a determined look on his face. He charged forward and shouted in slow motion, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooo!" Knuckles punched a Metarex out of the way, then another one. The soldiers were flung up into the sky. Knuckles still ran forward and shoved Metarex out of the way. A bunch of soldiers surrounded Knuckles, but he leaped up and over the group. Knuckles landed on the ground and bounced toward Sonic and the others. He got up and held the Chaos Emerald in victory. The Metarex soldiers sadly watched Knuckles revel in his glory.

The Snowflake Metarex growled, "Enough! I can still kill you!" He was about to lunge after Knuckles, but the Blue Typhoon shot flames at the Metarex. "Impossible! No one told me Fire was Supereffective against Ice!" The Metarex started melting, but he still crawled back toward the ice palace in hopes of revival. Sonic casually knocked on the ice palace wall, causing the icicles on the top to tingle. The Snowflake Metarex looked up only to see the icicles fall off and impale him. Sonic grinned and looked at the other Metarex soldiers, who then quickly ran away in fear.

"We won!" shouted Sonic. He saw that the Planet Egg the Metarex was holding was released and sank into the planet. "Wait a second..." Sonic looked around and saw the snow disappearing. "Everything's melting. And that means WATER!" He ran around panicking while the others got out of their vehicles and reunited with each other.

Knuckles boasted, "See? I did something useful after all!"

But Cosmo went staight to Tails and said, "I was so worried about you!"

Knuckles gawked at how Cosmo skipped over him. "B-b- Never mind! At least _I_ got a Chaos Emerald!" Knuckles started doing a touchdown dance, but when he threw the Emerald in a touchdown way, the Chaos Emerald shattered. "...It wasn't real after all?"

Tails spoke, "Oh yeah! I checked the structure of this Emerald from afar and found out it was a fake!"

Knuckles clenched Tails' shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"Knuckles, I didn't get to tell you in time, that's-"

"I DID ALL THOSE HEROICS FOR NOTHING?" Knuckles shouted.

"Exactly!" said Sonic while secretly avoiding any puddles nearby.

"Uh, maybe it'll make you feel better if we play a prank on Rouge." Tails suggested. "She's coming this way, anyway."

Rouge flew toward the heroes and saw them crowding around something. She dove in with them and asked, "So, did ya get a new Chaos Emerald or something?"

Knuckles glanced at Rouge and said, "Oh, hi Rouge." He glanced back at the item they were crowding around.

Rouge scowled and demanded, "Alright, hand it over before I screw...kick you!"

"One second, I'm almost done!" Sonic shouted as he quickly put the final touches. He presented the (fake) Chaos Emerald to Rouge and said, "Here you go! Just like new- I mean, it's brand new!"

Rouge took the Emerald and smirked, "It's not like you to succumb easily to my threats. But alas, my charm has gotten to you." She flew away with the Chaos Emerald back to her ship.

"Oh man, I wish I could see the look on her face when she finds out it's a fake!" Knuckles said excitedly when Rouge was out of view.

"Hey guys, over here!" Chris called. They went over to where Chris was and saw Cosmo trying to talk to a tree again.

"Just give up, Cosmo." Sonic groaned flatly. He glanced at the ground and saw sparkly looking grass. He gasped, "IT'S A SHINY PATCH!" Sonic yanked Cosmo away from the tree and shouted, "I choose you, Cosmo! Get me a shiny Pokémon!"

"Put me down! How many times do I have to tell you I'm not a Pokémon?" Cosmo yelled.

"But you're the only one I have!" Sonic whined.

"Knuckles acts more like a Pokémon." Cosmo pointed out.

Sonic grabbed Knuckles and shouted, "Use Shovel Claw on the Shiny Pokémon!"

"It's not a shiny patch, you moron!" groaned Knuckles.

"Then _why_ is it sparkling?" challenged Sonic.

"Maybe it's just the water droplets shining in the light." Chris guessed.

"ACK! WATER PATCH!" Sonic ran inside the Blue Typhoon to hide.

Later, in outer space inside the Crimson Egg, Eggman scolded his robots, "How dare you get drunk? If you were drunk any longer, we might've missed our ride!"

Bocoe objected, "But _you_ were drinking too!"

Decoe added, "So if anything, it's all _Bokkun's_ fault for putting in alcoholic beverages!"

Dr. Eggman accused Bokkun, "Oh, so you _wanted_ us to get drunk, eh?"

Bokkun frantically claimed, "No! I'm too young to buy the drinks, so R- I mean, I stole them! ...Wait, that came out wrong."

Meanwhile, on Rouge's ship, she was taking a steamy bath as she gloated on her new treasure. "Ahh, after all this time, I _finally_ get a _rouge_ Chaos Emerald." She held up her Emerald to admire it, but noticed some cracks appearing. "What? That doesn't look right!" The Emerald's glue melted from the steam, and the pieces crumbled apart. "They set me up! I was tricked by _KNUCKLES_? !"

"What was that?" asked Eggman.

Bokkun quickly lied, "No one!"

* * *

><p><em>Alright, five episodes done! And... a whole bunch more to go. Well, summer vacation is nearing, so expect more frequent updates! Reviews are appreciated!<em>


	6. Desperately Keeping the Planet Egg

_Well, summer vacation is here for me, so I should be able to get more chapters up frequently. Let's not waste anymore time!_

Episode 6: Desperately Keeping the Planet Egg

Somewhere on the Blue Typhoon, Horkirk and Jasdirk were meeting up with their boss Cruellynthia De Meanvil.

_Of course, since we didn't have enough ripoffs already._

Cruellynthia hissed, "You two were supposed to kill Chris by now! The International Chris-hater Organization is getting restless. Why didn't the poison burger work?"

Horkirk gulped and stammered, "Uh, Chris didn't eat the burger. And he threw it out when it got too old."

"Then find another way to kill him!" spat Cruellynthia. "Drown him, bash him on the head! I don't care how you kill the little brat, just DO IT NOW!"

Jasdirk put on a calm face and assured, "Now, now, Miss De Meanvil, we'll cack Chris as soon as you give us our pay."

The two of them walked off. Cruellynthia snarled, "You fools! You imbeciles! You... YOU IDIOTS!"

_Can we get back to the characters that we _care_ about?_

At the main control center, HAL announced, "I detect a group of Metarex near the planet ahead." The others looked outside and saw two Metarex, one shaped like Rafiki and the other shaped like the symbiote in Spider-man 3.

Cosmo looked at what the Metarex were carrying and gasped, "They have a Planet Egg!"

Tails firmly grabbed the controls and declared, "We must stop them and give the Planet Egg back!"

Sonic was slouching in his chair nearby and groaned, "Aw, do we _have_ to?" A few seconds later, the symbiote Metarex shot several slimey arms and wrapped itself around the Blue Typhoon wings.

"We do if we want to _live_!" rebuked Tails as he prepared the cannons. He fired them at the Metarex, but the shots didn't seem to hurt it.

"It's not very effective..." observed Cream.

Tails looked around at everyone and then told Sonic, "The only thing we have left is the Sonic Drive Cannon."

"No way!" Sonic objected as he stood up from his chair. "Last time we used that thing, you accidentally shot _me_ out!"

Tails spoke up, "Actually, it wasn't an accident. See-"

"No! Don't give me that 'there are no such things as accidents' crap!" interrupted Sonic. "Have someone else find the ammo for the cannon, 'cause I'm _not_ going back _there_ again!" Sonic then indignantly turned his back on the group.

Tails thought for a moment before getting an idea. He loudly sighed, "Alright, we'll fire the cannon ourselves. I guess the chili dog left behind in the cannon will have to be smashed in the shot."

"CHILI DOG?" asked Sonic while quickly turning around. "Never fear! I'll save it faster than... well, sound!" He raced toward the inside of the cannon. Tails silently congratulated himself before heading to the cannon controls. Sonic scampered inside the cannon and spied for the lost chili dog. "Chiiiiili doooooog! Where the heck is it? Tails said it was in the cannon somewhere." Tails aimed the cannon at the symbiote Metarex and got ready to press the 'Fire Hedgehog' button. Sonic stood up inside the cannon and mused, "I'm starting to think there _was_ no chili-" BOOM! Sonic was launched out toward the Metarex. "IT HAPPENED AGAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIN!" The symbiote Metarex heard the booming sound of the cannon and shrivelled and freaked out at the sound. While it was self-destructing, Sonic sailed right past it and down towards the planet.

The group on the Blue Typhoon watched the Metarex crumble. Cream praised, "Nice thinking on using the loud sound to weaken the symbiote!"

_Even though sound can't travel through space and- never mind._

Amy added, "Sonic is just so great. ...Wait a second, why isn't Sonic here?" Everyone quickly looked out the window and watched Sonic yell like he did in Sonic Heroes while he fell through the planet's atmosphere. Amy glared at Tails.

"Uh, I miscalculated a bit." Tails answered sheepishly.

Chris nervously chuckled, "And I didn't get started on making the invention to make sure Sonic comes back." After meeting several glares, Chris stuttered, "Well, t-there was a- alot happening these past f-few days, or w-weeks that it slipped my mind."

Amy stuck her head out the window and shouted, "COME BACK SONIC!"

"I caAAn't!" Sonic responded, who apparently heard Amy as he was still falling. A few minutes later, on the surface of the planet, Sonic impacted the ground in a ball of fire. He managed to get up, burnt to a crisp as he was, and coughed, "I'm... alive? Sweet! I guess my hero immortality is still up to shape!" Sonic looked nearby and saw Dr. Eggman and his robots lying down dizzy. Their Crimson Egg apparently crashed, and it seemed to have a severed rope attached to it. "...Bokkun was driving, wasn't he?" Then Sonic noticed the green Chaos Emerald at his feet. "Alright, another Chaos Emerald! Wow, this is gonna be a short episode." He picked it up and started stiffly running away while whistling _The Bare Neccesities_.

Meanwhile, on another part of the planet, the Rafiki Metarex was mourning over the remains of the symbiote Metarex. "Oh, why did you need to have the same weakness as your pop culture reference?" he cried while picking up the tar-like pieces. "No, I must be strong. He now lives in _me_." He then looked up and saw the Blue Typhoon coming in for a landing. "Ack! They'll never catch me!" The Metarex hopped away while chanting, "Asante sana Squash banana, Wiwi nugu Mi mi apana!"

On the Blue Typhoon, Knuckles and Tails got inside the X Tornado, but Amy was trying to cram her way inside. "You _must_ let me go with you!" she pleaded. "I saved Sonic once, I can save him again!"

"Yeah, and Sonic ended up dragged and burnt." reminded Tails. "Why don't you help Chris with his inventing?"

"I don't _want_ to help Chris! I'd rather help Sonic invent something!" whined Amy.

Knuckles muttered, "I can only imagine what you would _want_ to invent with Sonic."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" screamed Amy as she took out her hammer.

"Drive!" Knuckles ordered hastily. Tails instantly started the engine and got ready to take off.

"You can't get away from me! The X Tornado is still slow when taking off!" Amy pointed out as she tried keeping up with the X Tornado.

"I fixed it!" Tails said before the X Tornado flew out into the distance.

Outside the Blue Typhoon, Cosmo and Cream explored the jungle around them. Cream noticed Cosmo was feeling a tree again and asked her, "Are you still trying to talk to the trees?"

Cosmo still felt the tree, then noted, "These trees are still alive, but they are afraid because they'll die without the Planet Egg."

"Are you _sure_ that's the tree talking?" inquired Cream. "Or are you just saying that to make us believe you?"

Before Cosmo could retaliate in an awkward way, Amy stomped toward the forest and grumbled, "So, no one thinks I can save Sonic again? Well, I'll just give those boys a surprise!" She glanced at Cosmo and commanded, "Come on, Kirlia!"

"I'm _not_ a Pokémon!" objected Cosmo. "Why does everyone keep saying that?" She hurried after Amy anyway.

Cream looked around and shrugged. "Guess I'd better go with them." She then ran after the two girls.

Chris walked outside and spoke, "Alright Amy, I just need you to help me pass the tools and materials I need for-" He stopped and saw that no one else was around. "...They left without me."

"Don't worry! You've got us!" called Horkirk, holding a crowbar.

Chris responded suspiciously, "I don't know. First you try to get me to eat a burger for no reason, and now you want to help me? How can I trust you?"

Jasdirk held up a fire welding machine confidently and assured, "Don't worry, we're from the gas company. I mean _ee-lectric_ company!"

"I don't think electricians use crowbars and welding tools." noted Chris. "But since there seems to be no one else, I suppose you could be of _some_ help..." He took out a walkie talkie and added, "Still, I'd better tell Tails and Knuckles that the girls are missing." Chris pressed a button on the walkie talkie and asked, "Tails, are you there?"

Tails picked up his walkie talkie inside the X Tornado and replied, "Yeah I'm here, still piloting the X Tornado. But you shouldn't talk to me for very long; you know how talking while driving has been made illegal lately."

"But it's urgent! I went to get Amy and Cream to help me, but they must've ran off! They're probably lost in the jungle!" said Chris.

"Well, you know Amy and Cream." Tails replied calmly. "They can have their own adventure. I'm sure those two will be alright."

Chris added, "Oh, and Cosmo must've gone with them too."

"COSMO?" gasped Tails. "She must be found at once!"

"But I thought we were going to search for Sonic." groaned Knuckles.

"Sonic can wait!" rebuked Tails. He then noticed the blue Chaos Emerald shining brightly. "There must be another Chaos Emerald nearby!"

"_I_ was going to say that!" whined Knuckles. "Anyway, let's just find that Emerald before Rouge does!"

"Not until we find Cosmo!" Tails objected.

Knuckles clenched Tails' shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?" He reached for the wheel, but Tails struggled to keep the controls to himself.

All Chris heard was static, then silence. "...Come in Tails. ...Tails?" After a few seconds of more silence, Chris gave up. He sighed, then looked over at Jasdirk and Horkirk, who were still holding their tools.

"When do we start?" they asked eagerly (and a bit creepily).

Within the jungle, Amy kept yelling, "SOOOONIC! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONIIIIIIIC!"

"Maybe Sonic would be more inclined to come to you if you stop yelling desperately." suggested Cream.

"Well I've always wanted to be a desperate housewife when I grow up." responded Amy. "Minus the catfights and repeated scandals."

Cosmo tried keeping up with the two, but her skirt got caught by the top of a bent tree. She stopped and pondered outloud, "I could keep walking and have my skirt torn off embarassingly, or I could let the tree comically hold me up in the air." Cosmo checked to see if Calvan was nearby, but she couldn't see him anywhere. "...I still shouldn't risk it." she spoke, then let the tree lift her high upside-down.

Cream and Amy heard Cosmo, then hurried back to her and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Does it _look_ like I'm okay?" grumbled Cosmo as she held her skirt from falling downward. Cheese flew over to Cosmo and helped her down.

_Okay, I was wondering if Cheese was actually with them._

Amy walked over to Cosmo and told her, "You don't have to come with me, you know. I didn't need you with me in the first place!"

"But didn't you _want_ me to-"

"I'll find Sonic _and_ the Planet Egg on my own!" declared Amy. "You're just here to be in awe of me!"

"But you haven't done anything yet." pointed out Cream. "Maybe we need someone _else_ to be in awe of."

At that moment, there was a rustling in the bushes. The trio of girls grouped together in fear. Then, out of the bushes came... none other than Indiana Jones! "If you want people to be in awe of you, you gotta get out of the fangirl phase!" he told Amy.

_Hmph. It's been awhile since we had a useful guest star._

"Mister Jones, you're really old!" remarked Cream.

Indiana leaned close to Cream and ordered, "Don't call me _old_!" He then looked at Cosmo and shuddered at memories of his last adventure. "Aliens. Why did it have to be aliens?"

"Hey look! The Planet Egg is right over there!" called Amy from the edge of a clearing. The others went over to join Amy and saw the Planet Egg resting on a mound in the center of a bare area.

Cream cautiously looked around and noted, "There are no signs of Metarex around, and it's just sitting right there for us. Let's just hurry and get it. There's nothing to fear here."

"That's what scares me." responded Indy. "I've seen this trap before in a Peruvian temple. The trap is designed to depress when the object is lifted, causing something like walls crumbling or anything else dangerous to be released. These Metarex either studied ancient civilizations to replicate these traps or copied them out of my movies. If we want to avoid the trap from springing, we need to replace the treasure with something of equal mass."

"...Sounds very dangerous." remarked Amy after a second of comprehending. "You go first."

Indiana notioned the others to follow behind him, and then he stepped toward the mound. Cosmo inched forward to get the Planet Egg, but Jones stopped her. He took out a bag of sand and mentally estimated the mass of the Planet Egg and the mass of the sand. Jones carefully poured out a bit of sand, then slowly got ready to switch the items... But the net underneath the group sprang up before Indy could do it. Indiana shouted, "Damn, I was close!"

The Rafiki Metarex hooted gloatingly as he leaped out of the trees. "Heeheehee! You should've looked _har_der." A while later, the Metarex put the group inside a wooden cage. "Haha! Next time you should look beyond what you see! Now until the Metarex king returns, you shall live in this cage made of... cut... down... trees." Rafiki Metarex just stood by the cage, apparently realizing he made a mistake of some sort.

"Uh, are you ok?" asked Cosmo.

Rafiki Metarex shook his head and sputtered, "They'll grow right back! Now I shall use the same trick on all the others!" He hopped away with the Planet Egg, chanting the same song again.

Indiana Jones sighed, "It's like I always say: X doesn't mark the spot."

_How did that relate to the trap they're in?_

He examined the cage bars and noted, "These bars are made of the wood from, well, the trees surrounding us. If a race lived here, they'd use the trees for weapons, not heat. We need a sharp object to slice the bars down." Indy stopped when he heard Amy crush the cage down with her hammer.

"Something wrong?" asked Amy innocently.

"My father wouldn't want this cage to be crushed!" Jones groaned.

Amy already demolished the cage enough for them to escape. As they continued trudging through the grass, Cream suggested, "Maybe we should go back to the ship and help Chris."

"No way! I want to find Sonic first!" objected Amy. "Oh, and the Planet Egg too. Besides, Chris can take care of himself, plus the rest of the passengers."

Cosmo whispered to herself, "I need to change the way I act so I won't cause more trouble." She saw the Planet Egg in a clearing again and exclaimed, "The Planet Egg is alone again!"

Indiana Jones observed the clearing and noted, "It's not on a platform this time. But the surrounding ground could be fragile, or maybe there's another net waiting for us."

"I'll get it myself!" said Cosmo as she hurried toward the Planet Egg. But when she touched the Planet Egg, a vine wrapped around the legs of everyone.

"And what did you say before you saw the Planet Egg again?" Amy asked with rising irritation. The vine rose up and held everyone upside-down, with Jones at the top.

Indy looked down and saw the girls holding up their dresses. "Don't worry, I've seen more than that from three other women."

_...Why is Indiana Jones suddenly creepy?_

Rafiki Metarex leaped out of his hiding place and cheered, "Yah! My trap worked again! Wait, what are you doing?"

"You mean how did we escape?" Cream asked. "Well, a bunch of wooden bars are no match for-"

"Not that!" interrupted the Metarex. "Why are you preventing your panties from showing? A true anime would never allow that!"

"Look, we have enough pedophiles in the world already." Amy stated. "And we don't want to be furries."

The Metarex groaned, "Never mind! You must be very stupid to fall for the same trap again!" Cosmo's lip started quivering, then she instantly started bawling.

"Calling her stupid is an insult to stupid people." said Indiana. This made Cosmo bawl even more.

"Stop crying! You're hurting my metal ears!" yelled Rafiki Metarex. "Now _this_ time, actually stay!"

Cream flew herself upright and Cheese floated beside her. "You forgot I could fly, idiot!"

_Cream is suddenly rough and tough?_

The Metarex cried, "WHAT? That defies physics!" Cream grabbed Cheese and threw him at the Metarex, making him sail right out there.

Cosmo grabbed the Planet Egg again and sighed, "I'm sorry for triggering another trap."

"That's why I called you stupid." explained Jones. "So we finally have the Planet Egg, now let's get back to the ship before we lose it again and this becomes another opening of my movies!"

"Not until we find Sonic!" declared Amy rudely. "Only I shall find Sonic first! ...Were you saying something, Cosmo?"

"You three can do amazing things, but I can't do a single thing right." said Cosmo.

"Darn straight!" responded Amy. "So just hold the Planet Egg and don't try anything stupid anymore, 'kay?"

"Oh, you're right." answered Cosmo sadly.

"As for me, I shall find Sonic and not cry, no matter what happens." Amy continued. "Or else a giant, fiery entity sealed inside me will rise up and cause total destruction. Now, remember the time I crushed a giant wooden cage and freed everyone? Oh, it was a wonderful hour, and..." While Amy went on about her tale, a giant vine ball soared into Cosmo and knocked her and the Planet Egg into the sky. Amy groaned, "Oh, I _knew_ I shouldn't have trusted Cosmo again!"

_Wow, what's with Amy acting more and more like a jerk?_

Rafiki Metarex grabbed the Planet Egg and hooted, "Yes! It's mine again!"

"Think again!" shouted Cosmo as she floated down.

The Metarex gasped, "WHAT? You wear leggings?" As Cosmo floated down, she grabbed nearby fruits and threw them at the Metarex. "Gah! Fruitslaughter! It's all over me!"

Cream excitedly shouted, "Cosmo is using Bullet Seed but with fruits! Or is it Petal Dance with fruits? Frenzy Plant?"

"It's not a Pokémon move!" groaned Cosmo before she landed. They grabbed the Planet Egg and ran away, only to fall into a pitfall.

"You're trapped again! Haha!" cackled the Metarex as he approached the pitfall. He stopped when he saw Cream flying up with the others. "Oh yeah, she can still fly."

Cream then got an idea. "This robot is too tough for one hit. Let's all use Team Blast!"

"Huh? Did I miss a game?" asked the Metarex. He didn't have time to check his research, since the trio of girls got into a towering stance and then caused an explosion of flowers. "NOOOO! I'm blasting off agaaiin!"

Amy and the others got down and she remarked, "If the three of us attack together, we're invincible! For a short period of time."

"I have a feeling we're the new Team Rose." remarked Cream. "Only Cosmo is now the Power Character."

"Why am _I_ the Power Character?" inquired Cosmo.

"Because you're stupid like Big." Amy answered snootily.

"The biggest trouble with her is the noise." mused Jones. "And why am _I_ not part of the team?"

"You never asked." replied Cream.

Indy gawked, then pointed out, "_Cosmo_ didn't ask!"

"She would if she could." Cream responded.

_Why does everyone hate Cosmo so suddenly? These characters are getting _out_ of character!_

Meanwhile, Sonic was still running in the jungle, getting better from his crash. As he was running, Sonic sang, "_Look for the bare necessities, the simple bare necessities! Forget about your worries and your strife! I mean the BARE necessities, Old Mother Nature's recipes that brings the bare necessities of life!_"

Sonic, however, stopped when he heard a british-sounding voice in the trees say, "You call that good singing?" When Sonic looked around, he saw a goofy-looking vulture gazing down at him. "I'm Lucky the Vulture, AKA what happens if Phil Collins was a vulture."

Sonic challenged, "What makes you think you can sing a song better than me?"

Lucky answered, "I got one for you! Check this out." He started singing awkwardly, "You'll BE IN my heart! Yes, you'll BE IN my HEART! From this DAY on, now and forEVER more!"

Sonic tapped his foot unimpressed. "You have the voice of Phil Collins, yet you can't sing like him."

"Oh! I've got another song!" Lucky spoke excitedly. "I wanna KNOW! Can you SHOW ME? I wanna know about THESE STRANGERS like me!"

Soon Tails and Knuckles crash landed near Sonic. Sonic sighed, "Thank goodness."

Tails got out of the X Tornado and argued with Knuckles, "I _told_ you, I was going to find Sonic _after_ I find Cosmo!"

"All I heard was, 'COSMO!'" Knuckles mocked weirdly. "Oh, hi Sonic. You got a Chaos Emerald?"

"Yeah, and another unwanted friend." he grumbled as Lucky was suddenly singing on his shoulder. "Okay, now that I'm saved, let's go back to the ship without anything else happ-"

"SURPRISE!" shouted Eggman from behind them. He and his robots were in a new machine shaped like a... hornet-spider thing. "Now, Sonic, you've been _really_ unfair lately! First you forget about my errand, and now you stole my Chaos Emerald while I was unconscious! Not nice!"

"I had an errand with you?" asked Sonic in confusion. "...Oh yeah! _That_ errand! What did Bokkun want again?"

"Forget it! The moment's gone." snapped Dr. Eggman. "Since you took something from me, I shall take something from you: YOUR LIIIIIIIIIIIVES! ...Or at least the green Chaos Emerald." The machine shot out a tentacle and snatched the Chaos Emerald. It inserted the Emerald into its abdomin-ish section, making it give itself an instant paint job.

"The Chaos Emerald has been returned to us!" cheered Decoe.

Bocoe added, "Now our machine has evolved because of the item we gave it!"

"Eh, it's still not at the same level as I am." Sonic pointed out. "This thing will be easy to defeat even with most of my body charred by the atmosphere." But just then, they heard a ruckus in the trees nearby. Everyone looked toward the jungle to see Amy, Cream, Cheese, Cosmo, Indiana Jones, and the Rafiki Metarex in the middle of a MacGuffin Melee. Or, rather, a Planet Egg Melee.

Cosmo ran with the Planet Egg, but a trip-wire sprang up and made her fall and let go of the Planet Egg at the same time. The Metarex caught the Planet Egg, but Amy knocked him away with her hammer and the Planet Egg ended up in her hands. Amy hurried away with it only to have a net fall on top of her. Then the Metarex swiped the Planet Egg, but Cream swooped in and snatched it for herself. But then Cream got knocked down by the Rafiki Metarex's stick, and the Metarex ran to get it until Cheese caught the Planet Egg. Then the Metarex punched Cheese away and leaped back with the Planet Egg, but Indiana Jones blocked his path. Annoyed, Indy pulled out his gun and shot the Rafiki Metarex. "Just like last time." muttered Indiana as he picked up the Planet Egg.

Sonic and the others just stood there trying to understand what just happened. "...That was random."

Amy gasped as she suddenly realized that Sonic was there. "Aha! SONIC! I found him first!" she yelled as she headed toward Sonic. "I called it! I found Sonic first!" Amy continued as she tried kissing Sonic.

"Gah! No more kiss! No more kiss!" cried Sonic with an apparent moment of broken English.

Cosmo grabbed the Planet Egg from Jones and declared, "You'll never believe it! All of us got the Planet Egg back!"

"I don't believe it!" replied Knuckles with a mix of shock and rage.

Dr. Eggman looked around and remarked, "Well, now that we're all here, I can just do this!" He pushed a button and everyone else was trapped in a giant spider web. The machine picked up the web and carried it high above the ground.

"What's with all the traps?" shouted Sonic. "How many traps _are_ there?"

"Hmm, lemme see." spoke Eggman. He pushed several more buttons, making foothold traps spring up, trapdoors revealed, weights from deadfall traps fall, and conibear traps trigger automatically. "...Yep, that seems to be all of them."

The Rafiki Metarex (who inexplicably healed from his gunshot wound) sighed, "Alright, you got all of us, including me for some reason. So what are you going to do?"

Eggman snickered, "First, I'm gonna take your stick." The machine snatched the stick away from the Metarex and flung it far away.

"No, not the stick!" the Metarex cried as he reached for it before the stick was lost.

Dr. Eggman sat back and remarked, "Ah, everyone's trapped, the Chaos Emerald is mine again, and I've also scored a Planet Egg too! Nothing could possibly ruin this now!"

Right after that, the Planet Egg Cosmo was holding started glowing brightly. Then, out of the ground trees starting growing quickly, wrapping around everything nearby. Cream gasped, "Cosmo, did you learn a new move without letting us know?"

"I'm not doing this!" claimed Cosmo. "The Planet Egg must be making the plants grow." The trees covered the machine and started wrapping around Sonic and the others.

"The Planet Egg's energy is making the trees grow at a high rate of speed!" observed Tails with his moment of broken English.

"But now we can't move!" complained Amy. She groaned sarcastically, "Thanks a lot, Cosmo!"

Tails got out his communicator and said, "I guess the only one that can help us now is Chris."

Meanwhile, at the Blue Typhoon, Chris was trying to invent something that'll help reel Sonic back from a cannon blast, but Horkirk and Jasdirk had other plans. While Chris was drawing up some plans, Horkirk sneaked up on him with a crowbar held high. At the same time, Jasdirk lit his welding machine and crawled underneath the desk, ready to torch Chris. But then the communicator started beeping, and Chris got up shouting, "I'll get it!" Chris stepped away right before Horkirk swung his crowbar down and Jasdirk fired his machine.

"Graaaaaaaaah!" shouted Jasdirk as the crowbar conked him on the head.

"Owaaaaaaaaaaaah!" yelled Horkirk as he got burnt.

_Okay, I get it; hilarity ensues._

Chris turned on his communicator and asked, "Chris here, what is going on?" He heard several voices moan and shout. "Are you calling me just to make me hear your-"

"It's not what it sounds like! We're just stuck in a bunch of trees!" Tails quickly explained.

Dr. Eggman growled at his robots, "Why aren't you cutting down the trees?"

"We are! They just keep growing back instantly!" Decoe responded.

"Just like your mustache!" added Bocoe. When Eggman glared at him, Bocoe continued nervously, "Or anything else in society that grows back after being cut down."

A few minutes later, the Hyper Tornado arrived onto the scene. Chris shouted from it, "Sonic! Sorry I'm late; Jasdirk and Horkirk were a bit tough to get away from."

"Not as tough as Lucky." muttered Sonic while staring angrily at the vulture on his shoulder.

Tails crawled over to the X Tornado and managed to get the blue Chaos Emerald. "Here Sonic! Take this!"

Sonic grabbed the Chaos Emerald and groaned, "Why didn't you just do that _before_?" Then Sonic spun out of the trees and up in the air. At the same time, Chris fired a plasma ball at Sonic's feet that upgraded Sonic's shoes. "Okay, these shoes might not work in water, but hopefully they'll be good on plants!" Sonic sped around growing trees and started sliding on a horizontal trunk. "Heheh, I'm tree-surfing!"

Lucky took flight and tried catching up with Sonic, singing, "Son of MAN, look to the SKY! Lift your spirIT, set it FREE! Some day you'll WALK tall with pride! Son of MAN, a man in time you'll BE!"

"Go _away_, Lucky." Sonic grumbled as he continued surfing. But then Sonic realized that the tree he was on didn't grow as far as he would've liked. "Aw man! They aren't as fast as me! The only time I would _want_ something to be faster than me too!" Sonic whined as he slid off and landed in a branch. He looked around and noticed mohawk monkeys swinging on the vines. "Hmm, to swing or not to swing..." pondered Sonic. "...Swing." He grabbed a vine and jumped off the branch doing his best Tarzan impression, "AAaAaAAAaaAaaa!"

"At least Mutt wasn't _that_ crazy." mumbled Indiana Jones.

The vine still swang impossibly forward at very high speeds, quickly carrying Sonic closer to Eggman's machine. Amy caught sight at Sonic's swing path and cried, "Sonic! Watch out for that-" BANG! "Ooh! Tree."

Sonic silently pulled himself off the imprint he made on the tree he crashed into. "Well call me Sonic of the Jungle." he grumbled before he stumbled off the tree branch. The tree started creaking, and then it fell down toward Dr. Eggman.

"I'm about to lose again, aren't I?" Eggman asked before the tree crushed the machine, making it explode and launch Dr. Eggman and his robots out into the atmosphere.

At last, the green Chaos Emerald fell back into Sonic's hands. "Ah, we're all done here!" he remarked. Sonic glanced at the others who were still wrapped in trees. "Oh yeah, the trees. Well, have fun getting out of them!"

"SONIC!"

"Okay, okay!" Sonic groaned. Just then, the Planet Egg floated out of Cosmo's hands and into the ground. Instantly the trees unravelled and let go of everyone. "...SEE? You didn't need _me_ to help you out! I just ended up wasting a few seconds standing here!"

"Cut it out!" grumbled the Rafiki Metarex. "Well, the Planet Egg is back in place, so I guess there's no point in trying to get it back with all of you here." The Metarex glanced left and right, then sped toward Sonic and snatched the Chaos Emerald.

"Wha- AWW!" cried Sonic. "Th- NO FAIR! That caught me off-guard!"

"HAHA! You suck!" taunted the Metarex. He hopped off joyfully, but suddenly a foothold trap sprang up and clamped onto one of his legs. "OW! Help me, Metarex King!"

"Oh, I guess Eggman forgot about that trap." figured Sonic. "I'll just get _this_ back for the last time!" he added as Sonic grabbed the Chaos Emerald. "And now that you're immobilized..."

"Huh? Why is everyone looking so evilly at me?" asked the Rafiki Metarex as he saw some of the others snicker. "W-Wait! I was the king of the swingers! The jungle VIP! I wanted to walk like you, talk like you too! Okay, I'll stop quoting the song, just- NOOO!"

After the Metarex was destroyed, the group reunited on the Blue Typhoon with the two Chaos Emeralds. "We finally have two Chaos Emeralds!" announced Tails. "Now just five more to go, _right_, Sonic?"

"Hey! Stop reminding me!" whined Sonic as he indignantly turned his back on them.

"Don't worry! I'm sure we'll find the next one quickly!" exclaimed Cosmo happily.

"Hey, you got your confidence back! Nice!" Chris congratulated.

"Alright! Go Cosmo!" cheered Amy and Cream.

_Wait, now they _like_ Cosmo? Amy is _not_ a jerk? What, does everyone have split-personality disorder?_

Jasdirk and Horkirk glared at Chris and whispered, "We'll get you next time, Chris! Hopefully next time!"

Indiana Jones rolled his eyes and muttered, "Anti-fans. I hate these guys."

Sonic glanced around and recapped, "Okay, we got a Planet Egg back in place and another Chaos Emerald in our hold. The only downside is... Lucky."

As the Blue Typhoon soared off, Lucky sang loudly, "SomeWHERE something is CALLing for you! Two WORLDS, one FAMily! Trust your HEART! Let FATE decide! To guide these lives we SEE! TWO WORLDS! ONE FAMILY!"

* * *

><p><em>Okay, another chapter in the bag! I think from now on, I'll update a chapter every 3 days, give or take a day. So stay tuned, and please review!<em>


	7. Elastic Gum Chewers

_As I'm writing this, I've decided to give myself a headstart on this chapter. Of course, this won't matter depending on what day I've uploaded this chapter. Anyway, enjoy!_

Episode 7: Elastic Gum-Chewers

Sonic stared out into space and commented, "This Metarex war is growing, and everyone is still chewing me out on losing the Chaos Emeralds. I hope we get all of them soon so this vacation can finally be relaxing."

Tails walked past Sonic and talked to himself, "I wonder how I can make my relationship with Cosmo work with her evil stepfamily and crazy fiancé in the picture."

At that moment, Cosmo whispred to herself, "My step-family is hurting me more inside, and Calvan seems to be getting creepier each time I see him! I hope Tails saves me..."

Calvan sneaked by Cosmo and hissed, "Someday, Cosmo will love me! And _then_ the sharks shall make their move!"

HAL watched Calvan and elaborated to himself, "Everyone on this ship is becoming weak by their own insanity. After they eliminate themselves, only I shall be fit to run this ship."

Knuckles glared at Hal from a distance and grumbled, "Hal thinks he's _so_ smart! Soon I shall prove myself more useful than _him_!"

Chris looked around worriedly and muttered to himself, "I wonder why Horkirk and Jasdirk keep pestering me. And what's with that crazy Cruellynthia De Meanvil?"

Cruellynthia spied on Chris from afar and sneered, "Mark my words, Chris, you will die! That is, if my henchies do their job."

Dr. Eggman scowled at his robots and noted, "Bocoe and Decoe are as pathetic as usual! But Bokkun is suspiciously sneakier..."

Bokkun hid behind a toolbox and sighed, "Oh, I hope Rouge doesn't make me do something stupid this time..."

Rouge snickered to herself, "I just love bending Bokkun to my whim! That's not what it sounds like."

Big remarked, "There sure are a lot of famous people here!"

_OKAY OKAY! ...Which _story_ are we following? The Metarex war? Sonic's guilt trip? The romance between Tails and Cosmo? Cosmo's step-family abuse? Calvan's plight? Hal's inner motives? Knuckles' quest to be useful? Chris escaping people trying to murder him? The International Chris-hater Organization trying to kill Chris? Eggman's suspicion of Bokkun? Bokkun being controlled by Rouge? Rouge's descent into tyranny? The GUEST STARS? Where's the focus? You can't just throw all this crap at me and expect me to go along with it!_

_I'm just telling everything that everyone seems to get wrong. But for now, we'll follow _THIS_ new subplot!_

_Oh no._

Back on Earth, Chuck was talking to Chris' parents on what he knows of the teleporter. "Chris made it so no one can go through it." Chuck said bluntly.

Lindsey's lip quivered before she bawled into her husband's coat. "How can our own son block himself from us? Why, WHY?"

"However, I managed to make material objects accessible through the portal." added Chuck.

Chris' dad Nelson asked, "Wait, you can put objects through the machine, but you can't put _people_ through it?"

Chuck stammered, "Uh, well, you see, er, the rules of physics-"

"WAAAAAAAAAAA!" cried Lindsey again.

As she continued crying, Chuck asked Nelson, "So, when can you be ready to send Chris his belongings?"

On Mobius, Cream's mom Vanilla was standing at random spots for the day. Now she was at the former site of the Master Emerald. "Hmm, Cream hasn't come home for dinner since... the planet started dying." observed Vanilla. "I wonder what she's been up to these past few days..." Just then, the pedestal thing started glowing brightly. "Huh? The Master Emerald isn't here, so what's going on?" To answer her, a whole bunch of stuff spewed out of glow. Vanilla tried blocking the stuff that was pelting her for several minutes. She cautiously looked up when the pelting stopped, and Vanilla grabbed one of the stuff that was at her feet. "A giant sandwich?" she asked as she examined the improbably-large sub sandwich. Just when she thought it was over, more clothes fell out of the sky and crushed Vanilla. Followed by a piano.

Later, at the Chaotix Detective Agency, Vector was lying down in his chair with his hand over his head. "Urrgh, no more late night parties with alcohol for me..." he groaned. The phone started ringing, triggering Vector's hangover crankiness. "Aah! Charmy! CHAAARMYYYYY! Get the phone!"

Charmy bumbled his way down to the main floor and hit his head on the door post and slurred, "Uh, what's going on?"

Vector grumbled, "Were you drinking last night?"

"No. HIC!" was Charmy's reply. "Heheh. Hey, the phone's ringing."

"I know!"

"So why aren't ya picking it up?" Charmy asked.

"You pick it up first!"

"Fine." sighed Charmy. He picked up the phone and started listening. "Oh, hi Cream's mom!"

Vector's eyes shot open and he pushed Charmy out of the way to grab the phone for himself. "Ah, hello Miss Vanilla!"

Charmy slid down the wall as Vector continued talking. "That got him." remarked Charmy.

Vector listened some more and responded, "Oh, you got an unwanted delivery? Who's is it?" There was a lot of yelling on the other end and Vector stuttered, "Oh s-sorry! That was a joke! A-a very stupid joke! I-it's not funny and I'll never tell it again! ...You want me to _do something_ for you? I'll be right over!" Vector hung up and he hooted, "SCORE!"

"So are you going to hook up?" Charmy asked excitedly.

Vector snapped, "Of COURSE, you idiot! I mean, NO, you idiot!"

Charmy sniffled, then whined, "BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Shut up, Charmy!" Vector growled as he clasped his hands over his head.

"WAAAAAAAAA- Okay!"

Vector glanced around and asked, "Hey, where's Espio? I didn't see him go off with a ninja-hooker last night."

"He's still trying to get over his hangover by meditating!" responded Charmy while pointing to one corner of the room. Espio sat in silence, though it was clear he was struggling to cope with the noise.

"Heheh. Charmy, get me the pepper spray." Vector ordered sneakily. The pepper spray was handed over to Vector, and he snickered as he creeped over to Espio and spray-bombed him.

"GRAAAAA!" yelled Espio as he got up. "What the **** was _that_ for?"

"... I dunno." replied Vector while Charmy was stifling a laugh. Some time later, the Chaotix members met up with Vanilla and received their mission. "WHAT? This _isn't_ a date?"

"I didn't say anything about a date." pointed out Vanilla.

"But you said you wanted me to _do something_ for ya!" Vector shouted. "And the others were supposed to wait outside!"

Vanilla continued, "I just need you to bring these things to Chris. He's supposed to be with Sonic and Cream and the others on a cruise in outer space."

"WHAT? That sounds like the best cruise ever! How come _we_ weren't invited?" whined Vector.

"They were selling tickets a week ago. I thought you would've known..."

Vector gawked at the statement for a moment, then regained his composure and assured, "Alright, we'll do the job, free of charge!"

"WHAT?" Charmy and Espio shouted in shock.

Vector whispered to them, "Don't worry, we'll charge double for the next job!"

"I think you just wanna be sweet on Vanilla so you can be cuddly-wuddly with her!" accused Charmy slyly.

"Why you little-" growled Vector before strangling Charmy.

Espio spoke up, "I just thought of something: how are we going to get there without a spaceship?"

Vector pondered outloud, "You're right! Sonic and the others must be thousands of lightyears away by now!"

Espio corrected, "More likely thousands of _kilometres_."

Vector gasped, "That's even farther than I thought! We need a spaceship, fast!" As if on cue, a rusty spaceship fell from the sky and slightly cracked when it impacted the ground beside them.

"A _cool_ spaceship." grumbled Espio. Then a shiny spaceship fell from the sky and crushed the rusty one.

"With a home theater system!" added Vector excitedly. A stereo system, a flatscreen TV, a Blu-ray player, and several theater seats fell beside the spaceship.

"Ooh! Ask for an ice cream machine next!" Charmy said hyperly.

"No! You must not anger the space junk gods." commanded Espio sharply.

As Vector and Espio headed to the spaceship, Charmy looked up to the sky and begged, "Show me an ice cream machine!" But it didn't come down. "...Come on! It worked for the home theater system!" A home theater system crushed Charmy subsequently.

Meanwhile on the Blue Typhoon, Knuckles was struggling to beat Hal in a game of touch-screen chess. Sonic was being a spectator to the game, but he got bored quickly. "What are you waiting for? Hurry up!" he said to Knuckles impatiently.

"Okay okay! Queen takes Pawn, okay." spat Knuckles as he made the move.

HAL said, "Bishop takes Knight's Pawn."

Knuckles replied jockishly, "What a stupid move. Rook to... E1?"

Hal responded, "I'm sorry Knuckles, I think you missed it: Queen to F3, Bishop takes Queen, Knight takes Bishop. Mate."

Knuckles stared at the screen angrily. "Fist to Touch Screen." he seethed before smashing the screen.

"Thank you for such a lovely game." Hal told Knuckles without any hint of rage.

"Yeah, thank you." mumbled Knuckles as he walked away. "Hey, where's Sonic?"

Apparently, Sonic had left and was running around the Blue Typhoon. "I wonder if Knuckles smashed the touch screen again." But then Sonic failed to notice the caution sign ahead on a wet floor, so he quickly slid out of control. "Whooa! I can't stop! Why don't they just blow-dry the floors?" cried Sonic as he continued skidding through the hallways and toward a railing. "Oh good, the railing will stop me." However, when Sonic collided with the railing, the railing instead broke off and Sonic floated into space. "...I'm in danger again."

A few seconds later, Knuckles saw Sonic out in space and asked, "What are you doing out there without a rope?"

"Well, if _you_ haven't sped up the game, _I_ wouldn't have got the urge to run around, and _I_ wouldn't have seen the caution sign so _I_ wouldn't have slid off the railing!" explained Sonic irritably.

"So, what are you doing without a rope?" asked Knuckles again.

"JUST GET ME BACK!"

"Okay okay!" stammered Knuckles and he went over to Amy. "Hey Amy, uh, here's the dealio: Sonic is lost in space, and-"

"SONIC IS LOST IN SPACE?" Amy shrieked furiously. "I'll save him myself! Again!"

"But how? You barely saved him last time!" pointed out Knuckles.

Amy glared at Knuckles intensely. "Say that again..."

Knuckles enunciated, "You, that's you, barely, as in, not at all, saved him, that's Sonic, last time, that's yesterday!" Amy instantly smashed Knuckles to a pulp.

"For that, you have to go into space all by yourself!" ordered Amy.

"Okay, at least I'll be saving him and not you!" Knuckles spoke as he got the jet pack and rope ready.

"Fine by me. I'll just take the credit." said Amy as she tied one end of the rope to a secure spot. Knuckles hurried out and flew his way to wherever Sonic is. Amy waited until Knuckles was out of view, then ran away to the controls. "Now that Knuckles is by himself, _I'll_ save Sonic!"

"Amy! Come to the bridge! You need to see this!" called Cream on the intercom.

"Oh, and just when my plan was perfect!" groaned Amy as she hurried to the others. The group looked forward and saw a pimped-out spaceship headed toward them.

"I can't get any data from this ship, so it must be a Metarex ship!" Chris stated.

"Well we better shoot it down before it comes any closer." said Tails as he reached for the firearm controls.

"Wait, it doesn't seem to be armed, so it's probably just a scout ship." added Chris.

"Can I still shoot it down?" asked Tails while reaching for the controls again.

Cream interrupted, "Hold on, where's Sonic and Knuckles?"

"Cream, Cream, Cream." sighed Amy as she stepped toward Cream. "You of all people should know that we don't have the _Sonic and Knuckles_ game."

"I mean, where's the real Sonic and Knuckles?"

Amy tapped her feet nervously, then cried, "Knuckles pushed Sonic off the ship!"

"What?" exclaimed the others. "But why would Knuckles push Sonic off?"

Amy pretended to be worried and explained, "Oh, Knuckles wanted to be the hero for so long, but Sonic prevented him from doing so, so he..." She faked a long bawl and sobbed, "And Knuckles was getting out of control so I had to push him off too!"

"You pushed _Knuckles_ off?" shouted Tails. "Great, now we have to save _two_ people!"

"Uh, while you were arguing, the ship landed on the Blue Typhoon." notified Cosmo.

Chris crossed his arms and sighed, "I suppose we'll have to fight them off before we save Sonic and Knuckles."

On the pimped-out spaceship, Vector remarked, "Wow, this ship is super fast if it managed to fly thousands of kilometres into space! We're already at the cruise ship!"

Charmy munched on some potato chips and blurted out, "Good! I could use some space snacks!"

"Charmy, I've told you hundreds of times before." scolded Espio as he stepped toward Charmy. "Chips are not our signature snack; it's bubble gum!"

Vector popped a piece of gum in his mouth and added, "The best part is I'm biologically supposed to not be able to chew!"

"Alright Vector, scout the area for a good place to drop Chris' belongings off." ordered Espio.

Vector snapped, "_I'm_ the leader, and I'll go when I _feel_ like it, which is right now!" Then Vector stomped off his ship and onto the Blue Typhoon. "It sure is cold in space. Or is that me being cold-blooded?" He looked down a hallway and noticed a sign marked 'Go this way to meet your demise.' Vector reasoned, "Well, I see no harm in following directions!"

Chris and the others stationed themselves behind the door, ready to attack. "Okay, once that door opens, we attack without mercy! Wait a minute, why is Cosmo here?"

Cosmo held her broom triumphantly and answered, "Just because I'm against violence doesn't mean I can't fight!"

Tails shuddered bashfully and sighed, "Wow, the way you said that paradox makes you seem so hot..."

_Uh, Tails shouldn't exactly be _saying_ those kinds of things at his age..._

Vector stepped inside the doorway and greeted, "Hello tourists! I-" He was cut short by several people beating him up brutally. "Ow! Hey! Stop! Don't you recognize me!"

"The Metarex mutated themselves into crocodillian form!" shouted Chris as he bashed Vector on the head.

"Take this, ya mutant!" declared Amy as she swung her hammer and knocked Vector off the Blue Typhoon.

Vector crawled his way back inside his ship, where Espio was sitting patiently. Espio glanced at Vector and asked, "So, did you find Chris?"

"More like got pulverised by him." groaned Vector. "I think I swallowed my gum, too."

Espio declared, "Maybe a second one shall do it." He added sneakily, "_By being invisible._"

"Okay, just go before the gum blocks my intestines." ordered Vector. "I don't want to have to rely on _Charmy_ to perform surgery on me!"

"Hey! My stinger makes a perfect scapel!" objected Charmy. Espio sighed as he turned invisible and headed into the Blue Typhoon.

Amy was painting the wall at the site where they beat up Vector. "Why is blood so tough to paint over? Must be something the Metarex eat..." The door opened and a chameleon-shaped outline walked through. "Strange, the chameleon-shaped outlines normally go through the doorway-shaped outlines..." observed Amy. She dabbed some paint on the outline, which stuck in place.

Espio giggled, "Stop painting me, it tickles."

Amy screamed, "EVERYONE! The Metarex mastered invisibilty too!" The others instantly arrived on the scene and bashed Espio where the paint was.

Later, Espio came back to the Chaotix sobbing, "I don't understand. They started beating me up like it was some sort of sick game!"

"I thought you were supposed to be a ninja!" pointed out Vector. "Couldn't you beat them up?"

"I thought so too, but somehow I was proven wrong." continued Espio. "I must restart my training."

"While you do that, can I talk to them now?" asked Charmy. "While I'm gone, Espio can do surgery on Vector while Vector can train Espio!"

Vector replied, "That's actually a good idea! We all get what we want! But you better put some armour on or something."

Charmy giddily put on a veteran hard hat and answered in a military accent, "Sir, yes sir!"

Later on the Blue Typhoon, Cream and Cosmo carried in trays of cake and tea. "It's the conclusion of our test, so cake will now be served!" announced Cream as she carried a tray.

"Uh, please don't say that while the camera is placed on the ground right behind you." spoke Amy while cautiously taking a slice.

"This is delicious!" remarked Chris after he took a bite. "Who made this cake?"

"I just put my mom's recipe into Hal's data." answered Cream. "So he was able to make it for everyone."

"Huh. Never took HAL for the cooking type." mused Tails while taking a slice.

"TEN HUT, SOLDIERS!" shouted Charmy as he marched up to them. "You might not recognize me due to my helmet and military voice, but-" Charmy was interrupted by everyone beating him up. "Ow! Why isn't anyone saving private Charmy?" he cried while running away.

Back on the Chaotix ship, Charmy told Vector everything that happened to him on the Blue Typhoon, which wasn't much. Vector sighed, "Well, everyone failed on this mission. We could've had more chances if Mighty or Nack were still with us."

"So does this mean we can go home now?" asked Charmy.

"No way! We received this job, and we'll go all the way!" declared Vector as he mesmerized the others by briefly being on fire.

"How'd you do that?" asked Charmy.

"Job secret!" replied Vector. "Anyway, we must act like professionals! That's what we _always_ do!"

"That's not what you said about the last mission we were on." Espio pointed out suspiciously. "Are you saying this just to impress Vanilla?"

"Uh, of course not!" claimed Vector. "To prove it, we'll give up the mission and come back home to a very... disappointed... Vanilla." He almost started tearing up before shaking his head and taking control of the ship. "Well, let's go back home!"

On the Blue Typhoon, Chris noticed that the ship was leaving. "Looks like we showed them who's boss! The Metarex are leaving now!"

"Is that so?" asked Tails with interest. "Shall I make sure they _never come back_?"

"Uh, what do you mean by 'never come back'?" inquired Chris nervously. Tails slyly shaped his hands like guns and pretended to shoot. "Well, I guess you can destroy the ship..."

"Great! The X Tornado is ready for carnage!" shouted Tails excitedly as he headed to the ship hold.

_So Tails is now sadistic... And Cosmo still loves him?_

On the Chaotix ship, Vector started sneezing. "Darn, I must have a cold."

Espio noted, "Actually, in Japanese culture, if you sneeze it means someone is thinking of you."

Vector's eyes widened with interest. "Oh, is that so? Does this certain someone have to be a _female_? Or of your own _species_?"

Charmy whispered to Espio, "You're right, Vector _is_ suffering from love-sickness."

Tails hopped into the X Tornado and declared, "The Metarex won't escape me this time! I made the platform move much faster!" The platform carried the X Tornado down a long corridor. Tails still waited for it to reach the end. Then the platform rose up a shaft, still at the same speed as before. Tails groaned, "Come on! I fixed it!" The X Tornado finally was ready for takeoff. "Quick! Take off before they get away!" At last the X Tornado raced down the runway and flew toward the pimped-out ship. Tails was able to get a closer look at the ship and suddenly noticed that the big house on top of it was familiar. "Wait a second... that house reminds me of the Chaotix! So the Metarex can replicate buildings on Mobius too?"

_Why is Tails so dense?_

The X Tornado flew above the ship and Tails glanced through the house's skylight. "Those are the same Metarex we just beat up! Unless, they're _not_ Metarex?"

Now_ he realizes!_

Vector looked through the skylight and saw Tails in the X Tornado. "Aah! The psycho tourists are after us!"

Espio gasped, "They must be gaining on us!"

"I'm hungry!" said Charmy.

Vector stated, "Alright, let's see if that bast... bad boy can do ninety! Or whatever our top speed is!" He instantly accelerated his ship, causing everyone and everything in it to fly back. "Aack! Am I crushing someone?"

Espio poked his head out from behind Vector and groaned, "I think you need to adjust the acceleration rate."

Charmy squeezed out and said, "I'm still hungry!"

Tails watched in shock as the other ship sped far away from him. "I don't believe it. How dare they are able to be faster than the X Tornado!" He turned on his video-communications and told Chris, "Yeah, change of plans. We might need the Blue Typhoon to catch up to them."

"Gotcha! Turning the Blue Typhoon a full 180 now!" notified Chris. He turned the wheel sharply, making the Blue Typhoon do a U-turn and causing everyone and everything in it fly left. "Sorry for the inconvenience, passengers!" announced Chris on the intercom. "Just need to take care of some Metarex!"

As the Blue Typhoon passed the X Tornado, Tails tried warning, "Oh, it's not Metarex, it's the Chaotix!" But the Blue Typhoon was too fast to hear that last part.

When the Chaotix were able to crawl back to their seats Charmy gasped, "The cruise ship is pursuing us!"

"What? I didn't know cruise ships were capable of pursuit!" cried Vector. He looked on his radar and saw it was true. "Damn!"

"Vector, this isn't _Shadow the Hedgehog_." reminded Espio.

"So what? We're gonna die!" yelled Vector. "Unless we go even _faster_..."

"Don't do it Vector..." warned Espio. Vector pushed a handle further up until it broke off. Then the ship started flying _really_ out of control. "I TOLD YOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!" cried Espio while desperately hanging on.

"Haha! This is fun!" squealed Charmy. But a second later his expression changed to a shocked one.

"What's... wrong... Charmy?" Vector asked with struggle from the motion of the ship.

"I think I swallowed my gum." croaked Charmy. The ship instantly halted, and the gum flew out of Charmy's mouth. "Wow! I feel all better now!"

"That's great Charmy, but WE'RE BEING ABDUCTED!" cried Espio in panic. The Chaotix ship was being pulled up by the Blue Typhoon's tractor beam.

Amy sipped her tea while contemplating her plan. "First, I'll turn the Metarex into space fleas! Just harmless, little fleas. And then, I'll put them into a box. And I'll place that box inside another box, and I'll place that box inside another box, and I'll place that box inside another box, and I'll place that box inside another box, and I'll place that box inside another box, and I'LL SMASH IT WITH MY HAMMER!"

"Uh, hate to break your enthusiasm, but I just received word from Tails that they aren't Metarex." stated Chris.

Amy did a spit-take and gasped, "HUH?"

Chris admitted, "Yeah, I was kind of shocked too." Later, Chris and the others met with the Chaotix. "We're really sorry for beating you up." he apologised to them.

"Sorry won't cut it after all the punishment you unleashed on us!" snapped Vector.

"We're all really sorry!" shouted the group.

"Okay, that'll do." Vector replied.

Espio rubbed his bruises and sighed, "Talk about a _major_ misunderstanding!"

"Nothing new for _you_, Vector!" sneered Charmy.

"Stop quoting _Sonic Heroes_!" ordered Tails.

Chris looked into the ship and remarked, "I can't believe grandpa Chuck made this ship!"

"Your _grandpa_ made this ship?" gasped Espio. "N-not the space junk gods?"

"_And_ he can make home theater systems too?" Charmy exclaimed. "Awesome! Hey, when you get back, tell him to make us an ice cream machine!"

Chris saw all the boxes with his stuff inside. "My mom _really_ went all out in sending my belongings..."

"Oh yeah, here's your piano." said Vector while dropping several piano pieces in front of Chris. "Well, my job's done, so I guess we can finally leave."

"Wait! Don't you want a snack before you go?" asked Amy.

"Nah! We're gum-chewers!" Vector stated proudly.

"But we have cake!" pointed out Cream.

"Did you say cake?" inquired Charmy hyperly. He grabbed Vector's legs and begged him, "Please let us eat cake!"

"Well, I'm probably not going to get paid by Vanilla anyway," figured Vector. "Ok! Cake it is!"

A few minutes later, the Chaotix were stuffed with tea and cookies. Cosmo held the teapot and asked, "Care for some more tea?"

Espio replied, "No thanks, Alfred- I mean Cosmo; I'm still keeping my stomach free. I was told there would be cake."

Cosmo stared perplexed and said, "We ate all the cake before we found out who you were." At the same time Cream froze.

Charmy yelled angrily, "So the cake is a lie?"

"We already used that joke!" pointed out Cream. "Oh, and yes, it was a lie."

The Chaotix glared at Cream for several seconds. Espio said, "Ah, who gives a crap? The cookies were good anyway."

"Okay..." Cream responded cautiously as she walked away.

"Oh Cream! May I ask you something?" spoke up Vector. Cream slowly turned around and stepped toward Vector. "Not that it's any of my business, but is your mom available?"

"How dare you say that!" shouted Cream with Cheese matching her expression.

"I thought you wouldn't care at your age!" blurted Vector. He mimicked a dreamy pose and added, "Don't you spend your time listening to your mom tell happy stories and giving you dreams of Prince Charming? Not the Rupert Everett one."

"You don't know anything about my mom!" argued Cream. "How can you expect my mom to actually _care_ about you?" She and Cheese stormed out the room with Cosmo.

"She _does_ care about me!" objected Vector after the door slammed.

"Shut up Vector." groaned Espio. "You ruined your chance when you said, 'Not the Rupert Everett Prince Charming'."

"All I said was what Vanilla would've said!" claimed Vector. "Hmm, what _would_ she have said?"

*Vector's Fantasy*

_Wait, now we're in his _fantasy_ sequence? This might not go well..._

Vanilla kneeled before Vector and she pleaded, "Help me Vector the Crocodile. You're my only hope!"

"Of course Vanilla! I'd give you my heart, but I need it to feel your love!" responded Vector softly.

Vanilla wrapped her arms around Vector and continued, "Please tell Cream about what's happening between us. She needs to understand."

"Never fear! I shall be the best father ever!" assured Vector.

"Kiss me, Vector!" begged Vanilla. "Kiss me like you never kissed a lady before!"

"I shall do it because I never _got_to kiss a lady before..." replied Vector as he leaned in.

*Vector's Fantasy Interrupted*

"STOP THE FANTASY!" cried Espio while banging the table. "I wanna get off!"

"Keep that up!" Vector praised. "That's a perfect sound effect for when we-"

"NOOOO!" Espio shouted. "You cannot listen!"

"He can't listen when his _imagination_ gets rolling!" Charmy said slyly.

Vector declared, "I must get Cream back home to her mama!"

"But why?" asked Espio.

"Don't question why!" commanded Vector. "It's just something between me and Vanilla!"

"You never promised her anything!" objected Espio.

"How would you know?" challenged Vector.

"He's got you there, Espio!" added Charmy.

Vector stood up with a burlap sack and stated, "Then it's settled. I shall convince Cream to go with me and I'll carry her in the sack! Just like a hunter would carry a rabbit home for dinner! No, don't start with the whole 'that sounds ironic' whine!"

Charmy randomly mocked, "Vector and _Vanilla_! Vector loves _Vanilla_!"

"Don't push it..." Vector hissed in Charmy's face.

Meanwhile, Chris was using his radar to check the surrounding area. "According to my observations, there's no Chaos Emerald around here anywhere! We're wasting our time in this section of the galaxy!"

"Why didn't you check the radar before?" groaned Tails.

As the others started arguing, Vector tiptoed over to where Cream, Cosmo, and Cheese were. Vector sneaked behind Cream and Cheese and nonchalantly held the sack over his head. "Now to whisper a clever line before I do the deed." spoke Vector quietly. "Ooh, that's a good one! But I don't need to say it outloud due to some copyright law." So Vector swiftly threw the bag over Cream and Cheese and closed it tightly. He called to the others, "Well we'll be gone by the time you're done arguing! Thanks for the snacks!"

"Oh! Don't you want us to bake you a cake?" asked Amy.

"Forget it!" spat Espio. "We're not going to fall for that again! Come on, let's get outta here." Then the Chaotix got back on their ship and took off.

A few minutes later, Amy observed, "Cream and Cheese don't seem to be here."

"You just realize that _now_? Some friend _you_ are!" scoffed Tails. He looked to one side and gasped, "Cosmo's not here! Where is she? How come she's not here?"

"Calm down, _friend_." Chris told Tails. "I think I saw them last before Vector came to say his goodbyes."

At the same time, Vector pulled Cream out of the sack. "Not the same as a rabbit out of a hat, but I'm a magician nonetheless." boasted Vector.

"You're mad!" cried Cream. "First you insult Rupert Everett, and now you _kidnap_ me?"

_Wait, Cream _likes_ Rupert Everett? I'm confused._

"I'm only kidnapping you because I love your mother!" objected Vector. "So your mom shall finally respect me once you're back in her arms!"

"What about me?" asked Cosmo as she came out of the sack.

"Aaah!" gasped Vector. "...I'm a better magician than I thought..."

"No, you idiot!" replied Cosmo angrily. "I figured out your obvious intentions, so I snuck into the bag while you threw it over Cream!"

"That can't be possible! I threw it so fast!" argued Vector. He turned to Espio and told him, "Let's look at the tape again!" They watched a video screen that replayed the recording of Vector's kidnapping.

_Uh, why was there a recording of the kidnapping?_

_So Vector can prove to Vanilla that _he_ brought Cream home!_

_In that case, Vector won't succeed either way since the tape gives a wrong message._

In normal speed, Cosmo seemed to randomly disappear. "Quick! Rewind it!" ordered Vector. The tape rewound it played in slower motion. It kept replaying the scene in progressively slower motion, and it got clearer that Cosmo barrel rolled her way into the sack. "I didn't know she knew how to do a barrel roll!"

"Peppy helped." stated Cosmo as she pointed to the tape again. In even slower motion, a box with Peppy's face showed up and the text 'Do a barrel roll (Z or R twice)!' accompanied his command.

Vector stared at the still image. "...That's messed up."

"You're messed up!" shouted Cosmo.

"Why you little-" Vector spat as he lunged after Cosmo. But to everyone's surprise, Cosmo instantly barrel rolled to a distant spot in the room. "What? You can teleport too?"

"No, I'm just faster than you."

Vector growled, and then he grabbed a bottle of Green Away and reasoned, "If it works for Billy Mays, then it'll work for me! Herbiciiiiide!" He tried spraying Cosmo, but she quickly barrel rolled out of the way. Vector repeatedly chased after Cosmo to spray her, but she still kept avoiding him.

"Uh, Vector, I know you're busy ruining the environment," began Charmy. "But the cruise ship is attacking us again!"

Vector glanced up and saw the Blue Typhoon headed towards them. He ordered, "Espio, do something awesome!"

"But I'm not finished my retraining!" gasped Espio.

"Just do something!"

Espio sighed and headed on top of the house on the ship. He noticed the tractor beam starting up again. "Not if I can destroy it!" declared Espio as he took out four explosive ninja stars. He hesitated, fearing he's not retrained enough to handle them. But this was a desperate time for him, so Espio flung each star as far as he could. Unfortunately, the ninja stars only landed a few feet in front of him. "No! Go up! Up!" shouted Espio as he scrambled to pick up the stars and fling them up. KABOOOOOM! Espio staggered to his feet, completely charred. "It's super effective..." he breathed (may I remind you, _in space!_).

_You have to _remind_ us?_

Meanwhile, Knuckles flew farther into space. He felt the rope move and tug a few times, prompting him to muse, "I wonder what's going on back there." Knuckles caught sight of Sonic and saw that he wasn't moving. "Oh no! SOOONIC!"

"I'm not dead!" shouted Sonic. "I just wanted to know what it feels like to be dead in space. Now gimme the jetpack!"

Knuckles clenched Sonic's shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

Sonic snatched Knuckles' jetpack and put it on. "Don't worry, you still have your rope!" assured Sonic before he fired up the jetpack and flew back.

Knuckles pulled his way back on the rope, muttering, "Why is everyone so mean to me?"

Sonic reached the Blue Typhoon and waved at the others. "I'm baaack!"

Amy instantly ran up to Sonic and told him, "You gotta help Cream, Cheese, and Cosmo! They've been taken by the Chaotix!"

"...I've been gone for most of the episode and I don't even get a simple 'welcome back'?" exclaimed Sonic. "You've obviously gone crazy, because normally you'd be crushing me with your hugs by now."

Tails ran up to Sonic and asked, "Hi Sonic! How were you able to get a jet pack? Didn't Knuckles push you off before you could?"

"What? Knuckles never pushed me off!" said Sonic. He turned to the caution sign and accused, "The slippery floor pushed me off!"

"But Amy said Knuckles pushed you off and then she pushed him off." stated Chris. "Unless..." Everyone glared at Amy.

"...Yeah, I'm not sure why I lied either." spoke Amy.

"Never mind! I'll see if I can talk some sense into the Chaotix!" declared Sonic. "Jetpack away!" The jetpack launched Sonic toward the Chaotix ship. "Time to crash through the window, vigilante style!" He flew straight toward the window and smashed through it. "Yaaaaaa! Grrblablablabla!" babbled Sonic in an attempt to be menacing.

Cream and Cosmo stared blankly for a moment. "...I don't know who's crazier, Sonic or Vector?"

Vector spun his chair around in a sinister fashion to face Sonic. "So, you finally decide to show up?"

"Look, I have no time to fool around, Vector." stated Sonic. "Just let me take the three back to the Blue Typhoon so we can finally end this episode."

"We'll end the episode at Vanilla's house!" declared Vector. "That is, once Cream finally reunites with her mother, just like she told me to do!"

"No! She wouldn't trust _him_ with something like that!" argued Cream.

"Espio, Charmy, is it true that Vanilla told Vector to take Cream back?" inquired Sonic.

Espio froze for a second, then replied, "Well, Vector has been known to be a _tad_ crazy..."

"And he keeps having these weird fantasies with Cream's mom!" added Charmy. "Did you know that he even came up with-"

"Shh! Wait until the kids are old enough to know!" shushed Vector. "As I recall, Vanilla tasked me to bring Cream back home after I drop Chris' belongings off."

"She never said that!" objected Espio. "Well, maybe your fantasy version of her told you that, but may I remind you she's not the same as the real Vanilla."

"Still counts!" Vector spoke. "Now don't interfere with my mission to reunite a mother and her daughter!" He lunged at Sonic, but Sonic stepped away and let Vector crash into the wall. Then Sonic grabbed Vector, spin-dashed on his back, and threw Vector into another wall.

"Anything else?" asked Sonic while rubbing his hands together.

"Espio! Charmy! Get him, get him, get him!" Vector commanded as if he was about to do a remix. Charmy pointed his stinger toward Sonic's back while Espio took out a ninja-gangster switchblade just to be amazing. "Gimme that!" snapped Vector as he snatched Espio's cool knife. Vector held up the sack and the knife toward Cream and said, "I'm not going to let you get away from me! Now get in the bag before I stab you repeatedly!"

_Maybe everyone is right in how Vector and Vanilla together won't work..._

Sonic jogged in place, warming up for his upcoming fight. "Alright, time for an epic battle to conclude this episode! I am getting psyched!"

"Stop!" ordered Cosmo.

"Aww, me fighting Espio would've been cool!" whined Sonic.

Cosmo continued, "Why do you force Cream to come with you without asking for her opinion?"

"I thought my opinion was implied." spoke up Cream, acting unusually calm toward a knife held at her.

"She's right, you know!" added Chris as he came on board. Everyone else looked at Chris' spacesuit and stifled themselves from laughing out loud. "Look, I can't breathe in space like the rest of you, and this suit was the only one available!"

"GAHAHAHA!" laughed Horkirk and Jasdirk.

Chris looked at the two and asked, "Why are you suddenly here?"

"We just wanna check up on a VIP!" claimed Jasdirk.

Horkirk whispered scoffingly, "As in Very Irritating Pest!"

"Okaaaay..." said Chris. As the two of them left, Chris continued, "Cream should decide for herself whether she wants to go back home or not."

"But her mom-" cut in Vector before being interrupted.

"Yes, I know how parents are." spoke Chris. "All of my stuff proved that my parents _still_ want to overprotect me, even by giving me pointless things, like a giant sandwich or a piano!"

"Pianos aren't _pointless_!" objected Espio.

"Let me finish." Chris told Espio calmly. "Parents and kids can still be together no matter the distance, even if the distance is thousands of kilometres away."

"Hmm, when you put it _that_ way, it makes sense." thought Vector outloud. "I mean, kilometres are even longer than lightyears, so that gives some emphasis. But still, her mom-"

"I'm pretty sure my mom understands, Vector." interrupted Cream.

Vector's eyes shot open. "Why didn't you say that before?" asked Vector in shock. "We wasted all this time bickering, and I almost threatened to kill you! That's it, Cream can stay with you and we can go back home."

"Exactly!" said Sonic. "Besides, without Cream, you and Vanilla have opportunities to get _closer_ to each other!"

"WHY DIDN'T _I_ THINK OF THAT?" cried Vector. "Wow, I'm getting really dense! I _do_ need a vacation. Let's get the heck outta outer space."

The others climbed a ladder out of the house and to the Blue Typhoon. As Cream was climbing out, she turned toward Vector and asked with a smile, "Try not to freak out my mom _too_ much, okay?"

"Yeah sure." muttered Vector.

"KODAK MOMENT!" shouted Charmy as he took a picture of Cream.

"Hey, let's send it to Vanilla!" suggested Espio. "Do you know her fax number?"

"What _don't_ I know 'bout her?" bragged Vector. He took the picture to the fax machine, but stopped. "How can we send her by fax if there's no phone lines in outer space?"

"Well given the impossibilities we've put up with _so far_, a fax over space shouldn't be a problem." reasoned Espio.

"Good point!" shouted Vector as he put the photo into the fax machine.

Later, at Vanilla's house, her fax machine started making that annoying noise whenever a fax is made. Vanilla picked up the sheet of paper and looked at it questionably. "Why did they send me a blurry, upside-down picture of Cream?"

_Oh I get it, Vector said we'd end the episode at Vanilla's house, and here we are._

_It's not over yet!_

Dr. Eggman slouched in his chair and grumbled, "Anything worth interest yet?"

Decoe checked the security system and gasped, "Boss! We have an intruder on board!"

Eggman quickly stood up and yelled, "How can this be? Everyone, search everywhere for the intruder!"

"Wait, I have even _bigger_ news!" interrupted Bocoe. "There's a _girl_ on board!"

Eggman ordered, "Quick! Search for the female! We must not let her get away!"

Meanwhile, Rouge typed in a password and the door to the cargo hold unlocked. "I didn't think that password could actually work." she mused as she stepped inside. Rouge walked past decommisioned robots and old blueprints. She stopped when a big capsule caught her eye. "Wait a second, the thing inside that capsule looks famililar..." But unbeknownst to Rouge, a tall chicken-shaped robot and a tank-treaded robot both sneaked up on her menacingly...

* * *

><p><em>Wow, I sure wrote a lot for an episode that didn't have much main-plot development. Anyway, judging by the ending of this chapter, you can tell where this is going. In the meantime, please review!<em>


	8. Lick Sand

_I know I'm a day behind, but I think I could make up for it somehow... Oh, and now that Shadow's here, maybe that'll finally attract more readers. Anyway, here it is!_

Episode 8: Lick Sand

Chris stepped toward his control station past Sonic and Tails. "Hey Chris! How's it going?" asked Tails excitedly. Chris didn't answer him. "Fine, be that way."

Sonic hurried up to Chris and inquired, "Chris, what's going on? Wait, you're sweaty..."

"Uh, I had a dream last night." said Chris before sitting down to work.

"Oh, I understand." Sonic said slyly. "It's one of _those_ dreams!"

"What? NO!" groaned Chris. "I mean, no! Just, no! Noooo!"

"Okay, come out when you're ready!" stated Sonic while getting back to his spot.

Meanwhile, on the Crimson Egg, Dr. Eggman burst into the cargo hold and shouted, "SnooPING AS usual, I see!"

Rouge giggled, "You said _pingas_!" She howled with laughter and rolled around on the floor.

"Stop it! I'm tired of that joke!" whined Eggman exasperatedly. "I regret _creating_ that meme!"

Rouge finally calmed down and sighed, "So, you finally figured out I was here."

"I knew it! The intruder and the girl are one and the same!" declared Dr. Eggman. He looked around and noted, "Strange, Scratch and Grounder were supposed to be guarding this capsule."

"You mean these?" asked Rouge while holding up two robot heads.

Scratch's head chortled, "We got defeated by a _hot_ girl! Bahahahaa!"

Grounder glanced at Eggman and greeted cheerfully, "Oh hi, Dr. Robotnik!"

"Please, Dr. Robotnik was my grandfather." corrected Eggman. "That's why I had my name changed."

"And your grandfather created Shadow, which is _somehow_ in this capsule!" Rouge added, pointing inside. She stared at Shadow's body in the capsule and continued, "So tell me, Dr. _Robotnik_, why is Shadow suddenly in this capsule?"

"Didn't you play _Shadow the Hedgehog_?" Eggman groaned.

"How could I? It hasn't come out yet." Rouge pointed out.

_But last episode the Chaotix made a reference to it! What's up with the continuity here?_

"Anyway," interrupted Eggman. "Shadow was falling through space after defeating the Biolizard, but I caught him with my own arms! In SPACE!"

"Uhuh, yeah. Can I touch him?" asked Rouge excitedly.

"No!" Eggman yelled in her face. "If you touch him, you'll be sunk! Dahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Rouge shifted her gaze at Scratch and Grounder's heads, who were rolling their eyes in familiarity. She then stepped out of the room and scoffed, "Fine, be that way. I just wanted to see Shadow again."

Decoe, Bocoe, and Bokkun all hurried to the entrance of the room and shouted, "There she is! She'll do!" Bocoe and Decoe attempted to grab Rouge, but she kicked them out of the way.

"Be glad I didn't decapitate you." warned Rouge, gesturing to Grounder and Scratch again.

Dr. Eggman announced, "Since it's pointless to try getting rid of Rouge, we're just going to make her a permanent guest on the Egg Crimson!"

"I thought it was called the Crimson Egg!" pointed out Bocoe.

"I switch it around from time to time." explained Eggman. "So from now on, we'll be one, big, dysfunctional family!"

"Agreed!" Decoe declared. "Eggman is the daddy, Rouge is the mommy, Bocoe and I are the twins while Bokkun is the pet."

"But Bokkun's not even a pet!" objected Bocoe. "He's more like a pet's kid's pet's flea."

"What about us?" asked Scratch and Grounder simultaneously.

"You'll be the cousins that we seldom see." replied Decoe.

"So bye bye!" said Eggman as he closed the door and locked it. "Now, let's all get along nicely now! My Red Chaos Emerald is the only one I suddenly have, so everyone, make sure Rouge is occupied."

"Don't worry! I'll have loads of fun with my 'children'!" answered Rouge. She leaned uncomfortably close to Bokkun and asked, "Right, my little flea?"

Bokkun whimpered, "R-right mama."

Meanwhile, the Blue Typhoon was getting out of a scene cut warp. "Tails, can you make sure the warp isn't so trippy next time?" asked Sonic while rubbing his eyes.

"Sorry, the colours are a natural by-product of scene cut warping." replied Tails.

"Okay. What is this planet, and why are we here?" inquired Sonic.

"This is the planet Obidon, and there are no signs of life anywhere." answered Chris.

"Well _that_ sounds like a poor vacation stop!" groaned Sonic.

Chris hesitated for a second and nervously added, "We're here since there's another Chaos Emerald here."

"WHAT?" shouted Sonic. "_Another_ Chaos Emerald? But I was just starting to relax after the last one!"

Cosmo spoke up, "Don't you remember what I said last time? That we'll find the next one quickly?"

"By quickly, I thought you meant the very next episode." Sonic replied begrudgingly. "But _then_ I slid off the Blue Typhoon, _then_ Knuckles had to come rescue me, _then_ I had to save you and Cream from the Chaotix. And right after that, I lost motivation to search for the next Chaos Emerald."

_How is it that they know about episodes?_

Chris analysed the results from the planet scan and announced, "I have a Chaos Emerald signal from two sites. One in an abandoned castle, and the other in a collapsed tower."

"That means we have to split up!" declared Amy excitedly. "I call Sonic!"

"Hey! _I'm_ the captain!" objected Tails.

"Since _when_?"

"Since I built the ship!" rebuked Tails. "And the captain shall designate the teams."

"You better do what she says." advised Sonic, glancing at Amy reaching for her hammer. "Or else, _all_ of us will be in big trouble."

The Blue Typhoon landed on the planet and the main heroes got out. The two sites of ruins were apparently right next to each other. Chris pointed to the crumbled tower and said, "Cosmo and I shall investigate over there."

"Why does _Cosmo_ have to go with you?" inquired Tails angrily. "Why can't someone else go with you, like Knuckles?"

"Well, Knuckles seems to want to follow Sonic and Amy." explained Chris as he pointed to Knuckles hurrying over to the two hedgehogs.

"Well I'm still the captain!" argued Tails. "So Cosmo comes with me!"

He reached over to Cosmo, but Chris blocked Tails and told him, "Look, I know you love her so bad, but I'm making sure you two don't get... kinky. Besides, I'm the only other person that will be okay for Cosmo."

Cosmo muttered, "Strange, I thought you agreed about letting others have their opinion."

With Sonic and Amy, they were steadily crossing an old bridge until Knuckles showed up. Amy spat, "Go away! I want to spend time with Sonic _alone_."

"But Tails _told_ me to go with you!" explained Knuckles.

"No I didn't! I wanted you to go with Chris!" objected Tails.

Knuckles shook his head and pointed out, "I _wanted_ to go with Chris since _Cosmo_ was with him, but you told me that I should stay _away_ from her!"

"But I only chose Cosmo since you went to go with Sonic and Amy!" explained Chris.

"See how everything is messed up because _I'm_ not designating the teams like I'm _supposed_ to?" argued Tails.

"Screw this! I'm going with Sonic and only Sonic!" Amy declared as she dragged Sonic away.

"Okay, one couple can be together," said Tails. "And Cosmo and I shall be together as well! Come on, Co-" He stared as Chris went away with Cosmo. "Why can't everyone just listen to me?"

Chris and Cosmo examined the broken tower in front of them. "My guess is that people used to live here!" Chris observed cheerfully. "Okay, enough pointing out the obvious, let's just get the Chaos Emerald before we are attacked by some Metarex."

Back with Sonic and Amy, the two were still crossing the bridge while Knuckles still followed them. "I thought I told you to leave us alone!" growled Amy.

"I can't stay at the ship!" objected Knuckles. "The celebrities are crazy back there, and besides, I like looking after you two."

Sonic looked over the bridge and shivered at the sand below. "Quicksand... so similar to water... can't stand either of them..."

"SAVED YOUR LIFE!" yelled Knuckles as he suddenly pulled Sonic back.

"Ack! Knuckles, stop pestering us!" groaned Sonic.

"Yeah! Sonic wants to be with his only true love!" added Amy.

Sonic casually told Amy, "You know, we're still just frie-"

"No no, we're soulmates." corrected Amy.

Knuckles clenched Amy's shoulders and shouted in her face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?" Then Knuckles bursted out in laughter, "You don't have a chance with Sonic!"

Amy held her hammer above Knuckles' head and argued, "I do so! When Sonic came back to Mobius, he told me in English that he'll never leave me and he even said he loved me in French!"

Knuckles asked, "Are you sure you checked your translator correctly? He could've easily said-" WHACK! "OW! You almost knocked my head off!"

"Good, we understand each other." said Amy menacingly. While Knuckles tried figuring out how that was supposed to make sense, Amy called Tails on her wristwatch, "Tails, send me the info on the place ahead, please."

Tails paused writing his Cosmo fantasy and transmitted the data. "Okay Amy, the data should be coming to you now. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to my... work."

_So Tails writes... stuff... about Cosmo?_

_Only when he doesn't get to be with Cosmo. Now _that_ makes sense!_

"Aha! The digital map is on my wristwatch!" responded Amy as the map showed up. "Wow, this wristwatch has everything but the clock! Good thing I have _another_ wristwatch for that!" She didn't notice that they were walking into fog.

"Amy, shouldn't you stay near us so that you can be with _Sonic_?" inquired Knuckles.

"I know where I'm going!" boasted Amy as she continued walking ahead.

Knuckles whispered to Sonic, "Yep, she doesn't care about us." The trio walked inside the castle and observed the victorian-style interior design. Above them a chandelier swayed from a ceiling that apparently had constellations painted on it.

"Great. It's Mystic Mansion all over again." grumbled Sonic. "Let me know when pumpkin-headed ghosts appear."

Amy coughed at the dust and complained, "This mansion is _not_ suitable for me and Sonic when we get married. Not even as a honeymoon stop!"

"You're _already_ thinking about where we'll stay when we get married?" groaned Sonic.

"AHA!" exclaimed Amy. "So you _want_ to marry me, huh? I knew it!"

"No! You got that the wrong way!" stammered Sonic, completely embarrassed.

Knuckles taunted singsongly, "You wanna marry Amy! Amy is your soulmate!"

"Shut up, Knuckles!" shouted Sonic as he started wrestling with Knuckles.

"Uh... Sonic?" Amy whimpered as she slowly pointed at the ceiling. For a moment, the constellation pattern was replaced by a giant, bloodshot eye.

"Now that's a big one." remarked Knuckles as he shoved Sonic away and headed up the staircase. On the second floor there was a closed door. "Alright, I know what happens next; we open the door, then we get scared by a coat flying at us, we laugh, then we turn around and see the ghost." They opened the door, but they only found a dusty room and no flying coats.

"So much for your knowledge of horror movies." scoffed Sonic as they walked in. "Okay Amy, check your wristwatch again for the Chaos Emerald location. I wanna get this over with as soon as possible."

Amy looked at her watch and said nervously, "Uh, it's moving around..." The others looked at Amy perplexed. "I mean, the signal keeps moving away from us."

"Maybe the Chaos Emerald literally decided to get up and walk away." muttered Sonic. Suddenly, the door closed and the room was suddenly replaced with bright light.

"Aaah! Hold me Sonic!" gasped Amy as she clung to Sonic tightly.

Sonic struggled to breathe and croaked, "What have I told you about the hugs?"

Knuckles showed off his brawn and sighed calmly, "Just sit back, lovers, and I'll get us out of here." He then punched the door open, utterly demolishing it.

"Wow, don't you get splinters doing that?" asked Amy.

"Of course I don't!" replied Knuckles confidently. "And what is that?" Sonic and Amy quickly looked behind them, and Knuckles silently screamed at the pain his hands were in.

"You idiot, there's nothing there!" groaned Sonic as he and Amy turned around.

Knuckles quickly regained his confident composure and ordered, "Now, let's see where we are now." They observed the new room, which had three chandeliers hanging. "Either the room redecorates quickly, or we found a secret room."

Amy checked her wristwatch and notified, "Uh, I'm getting an error message." The others looked at the watch and saw the Sonic symbol with the word 'Error' flashing.

"Ah, what's wrong with a picture of me telling you about an error?" said Sonic casually. Then the watch's error message suddenly changed to a blue background filled with error code. "AAAAAH! BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH! IT'S HOPELEEEESSSSSSS!"

Knuckles looked down a new hallway and called to the others, "I see some people over there!"

"They must be responsible for my watch's BSOD!" accused Amy. She charged down the hallway with her hammer high and yelled a battle cry. BONG! Amy fell to the floor after rebounding off the mirror. "A mirror? Knuckles wasted even _more_ time on a _mirror_?" She whacked the mirror, but it didn't shatter. Amy glared at the mirror and tried smashing it repeatedly. BONG! "Stupid!" BONG! "Stupid!" BONG! "Stupid!" BONG! "Stu- WAAAA!" Amy inadvertently rotated the mirror that took her with it.

"Amy! What did you do this time?" cried Sonic as he and Knuckles hurried through the revolving mirror. They all fell down to a hard, dirty floor. "Ugh, don't try raging against mirrors again, Amy."

"Sonic!" yelled Amy as she clung to him again. The trio looked up and saw the giant eye stare down at them.

"Great. We're back in the lobby with the inexplicable eyeball again." grumbled Sonic as they got up.

"Ok, it's clear we can't solve this castle without a walkthrough." stated Knuckles. He turned to the main doors and continued, "We're going back to the ship so we can call some game-help hotline on how to continue through this mansion."

_They have that? They _really_ have that?_

_I'm pretty sure!_

Sonic sighed, "Well, I never thought I'd actually say this but, hang on Amy." Amy did so, very tightly. "Ok! Just make sure I can still breathe!"

Knuckles showed off his brawn again and smashed the window above. "Going through the door is for losers." he remarked as he and the others jumped through the window... and into another small room. "Then again... losers _do_ have a point in escaping by simple methods."

Amy opened one door, but it only revealed a stone wall. She opened a second door, only to find an empty closet. Amy tried the third door and behind it was a goat and a Zonk sign. She then went with door number 4 and inside was a hot-pink Ferrari and Wayne Brady! "Congratulations, Amy Rose! You've found the Big Deal of the Day, a custom-painted Ferrari California!" Amy slammed the door shut.

"So we're trapped in here?" gasped Sonic. "Thanks a lot, Knuckles!"

Knuckles grumbled, "Well, it looks like we can't rely on a guide now. We'll just have to use ourselves to figure out the solution. But since that's boring, we'll just cut to Chris and Cosmo. I'm sure we'll be out of this room by the time we're done watching Cosmo and Chris."

_Let me guess, we're going to use the scene-cut trick again?_

_Yep! Right now!_

Meanwhile with Chris and Cosmo, the two of them used their flashlights to explore the abandoned base. Chris warned, "Whatever you do, don't drop your flashlight."

"What happens if I drop it?" asked Cosmo. She subsequently tripped and dropped her flashlight down the stairs.

"I told you not to drop it!" groaned Chris angrily.

"D-don't worry! I'll get it!" stammered Cosmo as she jumped down and floated to where the flashlight was. "See? Nothing bad happened."

"Don't touch anything!" ordered Chris. Too late, Cosmo accidentally pressed a button on a projector. "Fine, we'll watch a movie." The two sat on some old movie-theater seats and watched the retro countdown-reel.

The screen projected, '3... 2...1... Picture Start.' Then the picture started playing a happy jingle, "Obidon Colony, we're your super army! We serve all you need!"

A tall, squirrel-like character on the screen grumbled, "Just cut it off. Cut it off." The jingle halted and the colony leader began, "Hey, people that just happen to find this. If you're watching this, that means we're now destroyed by the Metarex and my skeleton is probably on a movie seat right now." Cosmo looked beside her seat and found a squirrel-shaped skeleton sitting on the other seat. She slowly turned back to the screen and continued watching the film character. "Basically, we _wanted_ to start a colony in space, but that operation, well, failed. Wouldn't you know it, the Metarex came in and ruined everything. So to the people that are watching this, please spread this message: the Metarex are very dangerous monsters."

"What do you mean? We already knew that!" Chris shouted.

The leader continued, "It would just be easier to let the Metarex rule space."

"Easier?" questioned Cosmo.

A voice off-screen interrupted, "Sir? It's time for us to go."

"Okay, I'm just going to give you people watching this a mission to avoid the Metarex at all costs. I repeat, avoid the Metarex!" commanded the leader. The film then ended.

"Aww, it's over already?" groaned Chris.

"Wait, when was this film made?" asked Cosmo. She checked the reel, but the sticker on it was apparently scratched off. "That means this film was made before we got here! Things must have changed! We gotta fight back!" Cosmo headed out the base determindly, but noticed Chris was walking out in a daze. "Chris, what's wrong?"

Chris cleared his throat and stated, "Sorry, I was thinking of someone."

"Oh. _That_ kind of thinking." responded Cosmo slyly.

"What? No! Just, noo!" spat Chris in disgust. "Six years ago, well, six months ago in this world,"

"Which is it, six years or six months?"

"I don't know! Uh, both!" Then Chris continued, "My world was saved from a freak-experiment lizard and a Death Star ripoff. Sonic had the help of another hedgehog, Shadow."

"Who's Shadow?"

Apparently Chris ignored Cosmo's question as he went on, "Shadow went missing after that day. For some reason, I'm still wondering where he is now."

"Ok. Who is Shadow?"

"I wonder what Shadow would think of this Metarex war."

"Is he your boyfriend or something? You're not giving me an answer!" Before Chris could deny, Cosmo's wristwatch communicator started ringing.

Tails spoke through it, "Thank goodness I'm able to talk to you! Oh, I've lost Sonic and his group."

"What? How is that possible? The wristwatches I made were supposed to make sure that there are no dropped communications!" said Chris in shock.

"Tails! Who is Shadow?" asked Cosmo.

"Well, we've got time, so I'd be glad to tell you!" replied Tails casually. "It was a frantic night when Sonic was accused of stealing a Chaos Emerald..."

Back with Knuckles and the others, they were... still stuck in the room. "Drat! I thought for _sure_ that would work!"

"Well it doesn't help that we just sat around and waited." Sonic muttered dryly. "I'm bored, I'm just going to see if we can get away in that Ferrari."

"But it's not your favourite colour, honey." Amy pointed out.

"At least it's still a Ferrari!" He opened the door, only to find the Zonk goat. "Wait, it was the next door." Sonic opened the door next to it, but the Zonk goat was still there. "Huh? Uh, 3?" Another Zonk goat. "4?" Zonk. "They all have Zonks! What game are you playing, Wayne?" Then the mansion started disintergrating into piles of sand.

"Huh? This wasn't a real mansion after all?" asked Knuckles stupidly. Sonic then jumped out and saw the Hyper Tornado come after him.

"Sonic! We're here to save you!" declared Chris as his ship caught Sonic.

"Wait, I need to get Amy and Knuckles out. Stay _right_ here!" Then Sonic jumped back inside the mansion.

"Wait! Why didn't you get both of them out _before_?"

In the mansion, Sonic ordered the two, "Let's get out of here already! You should've followed me!" Sonic then jumped back out while Knuckles grabbed Amy and leaped out.

"No fair! I wanted Sonic to save me!" whined Amy.

Sonic took his shoe off and dumped the sand out. "Where do these guys _come_ from?"

"From your doom!" replied an ominous voice. The others turned to where the castle was, only to find a giant puddle of quicksand in its place.

"That's why it fell apart. It didn't have a good foundation." observed Knuckles.

"Fooools!" shouted the voice from the puddle. "I used the Chaos Emerald to lure you here! Now you shall die! And the Metarex shall win! Yes! HAHAHAHA!"

"You know, you're not that menacing coming from a pile of goop." Sonic criticised flatly.

The voice countered, "Oh, and this is coming from the same being that was _afraid_ of quicksand! Would you like me to _remind_ you of that?" Then an arm of sand lunged out and grabbed Sonic!

"Okay! You're scary! No, don't drag me in!" pleaded Sonic before the arm pulled him in. "NOOOOOOOOO!"

Knuckles stared at the still quicksand. "...Well, he's gone. Sonic will be missed."

"Not if _I_ have anything to do with it!" declared Chris as he shot a Power Ring from the Hyper Tornado. The ring went deep into the sand and... nothing happened. "...Sonic! That's your cue to fly out dramatically!"

From inside the sand, Sonic gurgled, "Oh! I forgot!" Then Sonic spun out of the sand and onto solid ground. He coughed up a lot of sand and wheezed disgustedly, "Eew! The sand got into my mouth! It tasted _so_ horrible!"

Knuckles responded, "Hey, I wouldn't worry about it. Because I didn't do it! Hahaha!" He tauntingly danced around Sonic and stuck his tongue out at him. An irritated Sonic grabbed some of the sand he coughed up and threw it at Knuckles' face... while he was still sticking his tongue out. "GAAH! No fair! Ugh! The sand is so salty and bitter and GRRRR!"

"Serves you right for making fun of Sonic!" fumed Amy. Knuckles then grabbed a glob of sand and stuck it into Amy's mouth. "AAAAAH! That's it!" Amy hurled more sand at Knuckles, who then flung sand at Sonic. Pretty soon, the three of them were deep in a sandfight.

The quicksand quickly got infuriated at the three and bellowed, "STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!" The trio turned to the puddle, with grains of sand lining their mouths. "This sand is not for tasting! Are you going to keep bickering like this or are you going to fight me already?"

Sonic tapped his foot thoughtfully. "...Oh yeah! We were trying to stop you! Sorry, _someone's_ attitude ticked me off!"

"Yeah, Amy can be a pain." Knuckles admitted. Sonic and Amy glared at Knuckles for his obliviousness/joke.

The sand rose up and morphed into a giant steel wall. "Hahaaa! If you want to defeat me, you must destroy this wall!"

"Why?"

"Because you must!"

Sonic shrugged and said in a perplexed mood, "Okay, we're going to destroy the sand wall. Easily. And then you'll be defeated. Easily."

Knuckles suggested excitedly, "Hey! Let's take it down in _style_!"

"What do you mean _in style_?" questioned Sonic suspiciously. Knuckles grinned and locked arms with Sonic. The hedgehog groaned, "Fine, we'll do it _together_."

Both Sonic and Knuckles spun around rapidly, then launched themselves at the wall shouting, "COMBO ATTACK!" DONG! The two slid down the wall and collapsed on the ground. Knuckles glared at Sonic and angrily advised, "Let's never do that again."

Meanwhile, Dr. Eggman was watching the battle go on from his ship. "Ahahahahaha! Ohoho! This is delicious!"

"Guess you won't be needing Shadow now that they're going to wear themselves out." spoke Bokkun. "You want me to get rid of 'im?"

"Don't be hasty!" cautioned Eggman. "Not until I see Sonic and the others pummelled to dust! Which should be any moment now..." On Eggman's screen, Sonic charged after the wall, only to be rebounded and knocked to the ground. "YES! YES!"

"Now what?" inquired Bocoe.

"Now... we use the opportunity to take the Chaos Emerald for ourselves!" announced Dr. Eggman. "And this time it wouldn't be so much of a problem with our new _asset_ to our team."

Rouge turned around and spat, "Don't say that when you're staring at my butt!"

"We can't help it!" cried Decoe. "It's so beautiful!"

Rouge kicked Decoe and shouted, "That's for being attracted to your hot mom!"

Eggman interrupted, "Anyway, if all goes as planned, I will give Rouge a Chaos Emerald!"

"ARE YOU CRAZY?" objected the three robots.

Rouge scoffed, "Do you really think I'm as gullible as Knuckles?"

"Hmm, you're right about that..." noted Eggman. "But then again, you have nothing to lose."

Cut to a shot of Shadow in the capsule because he's awesome enough to have one.

_Okay, I understand the awesome part, sort of, but everything else just doesn't seem to work._

_You dare object to Shadow? Just you wait!_

Rouge smirked and agreed, "Alright, I'll help you."

"Ah, I prefer that..." responded Eggman in a creepy way.

On the Blue Typhoon, Tails piloted it toward the steel wall and aimed all the artillery at it. "Time for an overkill!" declared Tails as he fired all the guns. The wall instantly crumbled to dust. "There! _That's_ how you destroy a wall!"

"And the combo attack wasn't good enough?" questioned Sonic.

Knuckles glared at Sonic and hissed, "What have I told you about mentioning the combo attack?"

Sonic meekly answered, "To not to?"

The mysterious voice chortled, "So you might have destroyed the wall. But this is only the beginning!" Then the quicksand pool rose high into the air and transformed into a huge, CGI mouth with sharp teeth. "Don't think you can stop me now! I suggest you be more realistic!"

"Maybe _you_ should be more realistic." countered Sonic.

"ENOUGH!" shouted the mouth. It morphed again into several thousand arrows that fell down to the heroes.

"Oh no. Arrow rain." whimpered Sonic. "The one thing that makes a game insanely harder. Everyone, get away before you have to dodge them!" Sonic, Knuckles, and Amy ran away from the downpour of arrows, but the arrow front caught up to them.

"Ooh! Ah! Help!" grunted Amy as she braced the arrows pelting her.

"How is _anyone_ able to dodge these?" cried Knuckles while attempting to avoid the absurdly fast arrows. "Maybe there's an invincibilty cheat somewhere..."

_Wait, they are constantly hit by arrows but they aren't entirely hurt by them?_

_The collision detection is forgiving enough._

"Don't worry! Hide under the Blue Typhoon!" called Tails while piloting the Blue Typhoon over the three. The arrows still rained on the Blue Typhoon, but they were blocked a shield generated by the palm trees. "Thank goodness for Palm Tree Invincibilty!"

_Palm Tree Invincibilty? Just... forget it. Let's keep going._

"But the palm trees' power is slowly dropping!" notified Cream worriedly. "We must do something before we're covered in arrows!"

Tails observed where the arrows were coming from and noticed something glowing in the clouds. "Of course! The Chaos Emerald must be up there! But Sonic can't make it through the arrows. Unless we use a shortcut..."

"Did you say shortcut?" asked Chris with an idea. From the Hyper Tornado he shot the shoe-upgrading plasma ball at Sonic's shoes, then Chris declared, "Now, Ring Tunnel away!" The Hyper Tornado fired a long line of rings that Sonic was able to slide into. The tunnel transported Sonic high into the clouds and to the core where the Emerald was kept.

"Time for a super-cool one-hit defeat!" Sonic yelled as he spun-dashed out of the tunnel and right into the core. BZZZZZZZZZZT! "AAAAAAAH! Electricity field? No fair..."

"Prepare to die, Sonic!" cackled the voice.

Sonic lifted his head and wheezed, "Okay, I'll die." He let go of the core and fell through the clouds.

Chris caught sight of Sonic and exclaimed, "I'll save you Sonic!"

Sonic saw the Hyper Tornado coming to him and he shouted, "No, don't try to save me, Chris! I must make this heroic sacrifice!" The core fired more arrows at the Hyper Tornado and made it spin out of control. "See? I have to die!"

Within Eggman's cargo hold, inside the capsule, Shadow's eyes shot open. "This can't go any longer without me!" The capsule soon self-destructed in an explosion that instantly annihilated Scratch and Grounder.

Dr. Eggman noticed an alarm going off and he gasped, "It's coming from the cargo hold! Shadow must be finally breaking free!"

As Eggman hurried away, Rouge shouted, "Don't leave me alone! I want to see Shadow too!"

Shadow stepped out of the smoke and studied the wreckage surrounding him. He then noticed that the Red Chaos Emerald was in his hand due to fortunate projectile motion. Shadow felt a disturbance in the Chaos realm and he spoke, "I sense that the Purple Chaos Emerald is in danger. I must save it!"

Dr. Eggman ran to the cargo hold door and pulled out the keyboard. "Now, what was the password again?" His fingers hovered over the keys, but Eggman still pondered about what the password was.

Rouge crossed her arms impatiently and she spat, "Oh, let me do it! I'll just put in the password I used when I broke in here!" She typed in the password and the doors slid open. Both Rouge and Eggman hurried into the room, but all they found was a destroyed capsule and the remains of Grounder and Scratch.

Eggman gawked at the lack of Shadow and shouted frustratingly, "Drat! We missed him!"

On the planet Obidon, a golden beam appeared seemingly out of nowhere and fired at the core. "Oh no! I'm defeated by a BAMF!" cried the voice before the core exploded amazingly.

"What does BAMF stand for?" asked Cream.

"You don't wanna know." replied Amy.

Sonic was still falling until he heard the explosion. "That guy's gone? Oh, I guess I don't have to die!" He effortlessly jumped out of his fall and landed on a tower. The dark clouds parted to reveal the moon and a dark hedgehog standing on a spire.

"Who's Shadow?" inquired Cosmo.

"_That's_ Shadow!" pointed out Tails.

Shadow stared down at the others. "Some heroes _you_ are. You couldn't even defeat a sandcastle!"

"Hey! Don't talk down on _me_, faker!" spat Sonic.

"Faker? I think _you're_ the faker here!" countered Shadow. "You foolishly made yourself look like me, only recoloured yourself in an attempt to pass yourself off as something new!"

Tails added, "Technically he's right, Sonic. Shadow _was_ made long before you."

"Don't remind me."

Shadow continued, "And apparently you're poor enough to eat sand!"

Sonic shockingly realized he hadn't brushed off the sand lining his lips. "Stupid Shadow, always has to make me feel bad!" grumbled Sonic as he frantically wiped the sand off and spat some grains out.

Chris climbed out of the fallen Hyper Tornado and gazed up at where Shadow was. "The... Chaos Emeralds..."

Shadow glared down at Chris with rage. "My presence doesn't take your notice? These Chaos Emeralds came naturally to me! I had one from the beginning and just took the one you failed to get."

"Shadow! Don't you remember me?" called Chris pleadingly.

"You? As far as I know, I've never met you before, child!" rebuked Shadow. "I have no time for these commoners! Chaos Control!" Shadow then disappeared with the Chaos Emeralds.

Dr. Eggman tapped his foot impatiently until Shadow appeared next to him. "Oh Shadow! Isn't this a pleasant surprise! You finally decided to wake up from your coma!"

"Coma? What are you talking about?" Shadow said in an indignant manner. "I was just taking a very long nap!"

"Never mind! You could've at least left Scratch and Grounder alone!" said Eggman as he pointed to Scratch and Grounder. They were even more beaten up than when Rouge defeated them.

"_Those_ robots? Pieces of junk!" scoffed Shadow. "At least _I_ found two Chaos Emeralds on my own!"

"But the _red_ one was mine _before_ you took it for yourself!" reminded Eggman angrily.

"Doesn't matter. It's _mine_ now." stated Shadow. "Now if you'll excuse me, it's nap time." Shadow then dropped to the floor and fell into a deep sleep.

Rouge stared at Shadow longingly. "I never got to say hi to him..."

* * *

><p><em>Oh boy, I hope Shadow's starting to be awesome enough for you! Don't worry, we'll see more of him in the next chapter, which would still probably be three days from now. Until then, review please!<em>


	9. RelationShip of DOOOOOOM!

_Welcome back, readers! It's time for more Shadow! Please hold all squeals until after the chapter._

Episode 9: (Relation)Ship of DOOOOOOM!

Somewhere in an asteroid belt, an armada of potato ships fought against a single Metarex ship floating towards them. One soldier in a potato cried, "It's the EvilShip!"

"No! I'm Scarship!" declared the Metarex as he shot the potato that soldier was in.

"Wow, we really suck." another soldier remarked bluntly. "But we can still fight back! Fire at will!" The ships turned onto another potato and demolished it. "No! Not Will! I meant at EvilShip!"

The Metarex ship shouted furiously, "I told you, my name is SCARSHIP!" He rapidly fired at several potatoes, exploding each of them.

"Ok, we can't fight back." notified a soldier to the others. "RETREAT!" But as the potato turned around, the Metarex shot it down. "AAAAH! Cheapshot!"

The Metarex chuckled evilly as he watched the ship deconstruct into french fries. Then his communicator started up and the leader spoke, "EvilShip, do you read me?"

"No, this is SCARSHIP!" protested the ship.

"Fine, _Scarship_." grumbled the Metarex leader. "Here's your new mission: Search and destroy a blue hedgehog, a two-tailed fox, a red echidna, a pink hedgehog with a massive hammer, a long-eared bunny with a floating living blob, a twelve-year-old human, and several celebrities. Oh, and make sure you kill Dr. Eggman; he's becoming annoying."

EvilShip- I mean, Scarship, took a moment to understand the command. "...Are you sure this isn't a prank mission?"

"Sadly no, I am _not_ kidding." answered the leader. "I suggest you find Dr. Eggman first. He should be with a gold robot and a silver robot, another robot with a jetpack, a busty bat and a black hedgehog."

"...And this is _not_ a snipe hunt?"

"Just find them and destroy them!"

"Okay, okay!" stammered Scarship. He noticed the last potato flying away. "Just as soon as I make some mashed potatoes."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, you'll see..." chortled Scarship as he fired a missile at the ship.

_I know this is a bit late but, why potatoes?_

_So they can be mistaken for asteroids!_

_So when the Metarex need to blast away asteroids in their path, they'll be blown up with them?_

_Yes! It's all about fooling the enemy!_

_Oooookaaaaaaaaaay... let's just see what happens next._

That instant, on the Blue Typhoon, Cosmo woke up with a jolt. Cream walked up to her and asked, "What's wrong? Did you have a weird dream? I told you not to eat chocolate before falling asleep!"

"No, I just felt a... disturbance." replied Cosmo. "As if millions of voices cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced."

"Oh, I thought you were thinking about Shadow like everyone else." spoke Cream as she pointed to the others.

"All of you are thinking about Shadow?"

Cream bashfully crossed her legs and admitted, "Well, he _is_ very popular..."

"And you thought he was dead when he was actually alive?" questioned Cosmo.

"Well no one thought to check. We just _assumed_ he made a heroic sacrifice."

Meanwhile, Tails was sleeping and thought, _How could Shadow be alive? I didn't think he was _that_ amazing to cheat death..._

Chris thought, _He didn't have his power donut, so how could he be alive?_

Knuckles grumbled in his head, _Shadow better not steal Rouge from me!_

Amy pondered, _I wonder if getting close to Shadow will make Sonic jealous..._

"Okay! Hold your thoughts!" exclaimed Sonic, waking everyone up. "I get it, he's cool. But maybe you should save your questions until we actually get a chance to talk to him next time. Huh, who's with me?"

"..."

"Well? What are you waiting for? ...You're still thinking about Shadow, aren't you?"

"Mm-hm."

Meanwhile, on the Crimson Egg, Shadow was awake from his nap and thought more about the 'commoners'. "Why did those people know my name? Was I a popular person before my long nap?"

Decoe headed over to Shadow and answered, "Of course you were popular! Especially on your debut in the human world!"

Bocoe slid beside Decoe and added, "And you helped them out on Space Colony ARK! Don't you remember?"

"Hmm, things are slowly coming back to me..." mused Shadow. "Mostly stuff of me being awesome..."

"So what? That's not important!" cut in Eggman as he stepped toward Shadow. "Now remember, you're new to our dysfunctional family, so you'll have to get used to your new 'brothers' and your 'flea'. And you must respect your new mother, Rouge, and do whatever I, the father, shall tell you."

"You? My father?" rebuked Shadow. "That is ridiculous! Don't make fun of me!"

"Now now, I would never do such a thing!" stated Eggman. He waved flamboyantly and chortled, "Ohohoho! Ooohohohooo!"

"You're making fun of me again..." Shadow warned menacingly.

Rouge spoke up, "Now just a moment! With Shadow here, I suggest we switch the family roles a bit."

"Hmm, you do have a point..." agreed Eggman. "Okay, what's your idea?"

Rouge began, "First, I divorce you and marry Shadow so he's the new step-father!"

"WHAT? I'll never agree to that!"

"Not if Shadow is making you do it at gunpoint." added Rouge. Eggman turned around and saw Shadow holding a shotgun at him. Rouge continued, "So now Shadow is the new father which makes you the annoying ex that we could never get rid of."

Eggman glared at Rouge, then cautiously looked at Shadow. "Fine, I'll sign the divorce papers." Dr. Eggman got out a pen and signed the makeshift documents that were made for the occasion.

Soon after that, the radar started beeping and showed that there was another ship ahead. Bokkun notified, "The marraige documents will have to wait! We've got company!"

The Metarex ship soared toward the Crimson Egg and remarked, "So he wasn't lying about the weird creatures I have to kill. But now they must perish!" He fired some shots at the Crimson Egg, rocking it violently.

"AAAAAAAH! Activate force field!" screamed Eggman. His ship generated a shield that blocked several more shots. "Phew! Thank goodness we're still attached to the Blue Typhoon. They'll notice the Metarex and Sonic will destroy it easily."

"Uh, yeah, about that..." Bokkun said nervously. "Um, remember when we got the Green Chaos Emerald and I wanted to drive the Crimson Egg, but I crashed it on the jungle planet?"

"Don't remind me." groaned Bocoe.

"Yeah, um, I noticed that the suction cup rope was cut off soon after." continued Bokkun. "I thought Dr. Eggman would notice it and try to connect to the Blue Typhoon again, but I guess he didn't..."

"You mean all this time we've been going on cruise control _away_ from Sonic?" cried Decoe.

"So that means... WE'RE LOST IN SPACE?" shrieked Dr. Eggman in rage.

"Er, correction: We're going to die alone in space." said Bokkun worriedly as he pointed to the weakening force field.

Eggman growled furiously and he spat at Shadow, "Why aren't you doing anything? You're cool; go destroy the Metarex before it destroys us!"

"You're not my father, you're Rouge's crazy ex, remember?" countered Shadow.

"I thought we agreed on _annoying_ ex." grumbled Eggman. "And even so, you should save us now! So could you pretty-please help us live? I'll give you your memory back!"

Shadow rolled his eyes and sighed, "Fine, since you asked."

As Shadow marched outside, Eggman snickered, "Heheh, I fooled him."

Shadow stood outside the Crimson Egg and stared at the Metarex ship. "Ultimate life-form, away!"

"What? You send a mere hedgehog to defeat me?" challenged Scarship haughtily. He fired rapidly at Shadow, but Shadow spin-dashed toward the ship and the bullets bounced off him.

"Mere hedgehog?" echoed Shadow. "Would a _mere hedgehog_ have the ability to be BULLET-PROOF?" Shadow charged toward the ship as more bullets were unable to penetrate him. "ULTIMATE SPIN DAAAAASH!" He sped at Scarship and directly hit him! But Shadow bounced off just like the bullets bounced off him. "Come on! Submit yourself to my attacks!" Shadow repeatedly spin-dashed at other parts of the Metarex.

"Ha! Resistance is futile!" taunted the Metarex. "...Wait, these attacks are actually starting to hurt..."

"Good job, Shadow!" cheered Eggman. "Now finish him off! FINISH HIM!"

Bocoe asked dorkily, "Is Shadow winning?"

"What's happening now?" Decoe then asked in an idiotic way.

Eggman hammered buckets over their heads and laughed, "I'll show you what's happening, _duncebuckets_!"

_The robots' obliviousness prompts Eggman to rip off Hacker from Cyberchase?_

"With Shadow repeatedly attacking the Metarex, we'll be able to destroy him from the inside!" continued Eggman. "Of course, we'll just give Shadow all the credit to make him _think_ he defeated it by himself! And that way, we'll be able to... do something... to Shadow. ...I'll think about it after we get rid of this guy."

Scarship gasped, "How is he able to hurt me? Where does all his power come from?"

"For your information, my power comes from _me_!" replied Shadow victoriously as he rammed up the head of the ship. "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"GRAAAA!" cried the ship as he was knocked back.

"Alright, Shadow!" praised Eggman. "Now just keep hitting him and- wait, why isn't he moving?" Everyone saw Shadow float in space, immobile.

"My... power... is... _limited_?" breathed Shadow in shock before passing out completely.

"Oh yeah, he doesn't have his donut charger." realized Eggman. "...I'm not the kind to use profanity, but, DAMN!" He quickly released the Crimson Egg's claw and pulled Shadow inside. "Now, let's use our remaining weapons to destroy the Metarex!"

"But our shield is worn out!" pointed out Bokkun.

"So? The defensive strategy never solved anything, did it?" countered Eggman before firing all the guns at the Metarex. "Hahaha! Die, die, DIE!" But when the smoke cleared, Scarship still loomed closer.

"Your weapons aren't very effective..." observed the Metarex mockingly.

"Hmm, maybe Rouge has another idea." thought Eggman outloud. "Rouge, what do you think?" But there was no answer because Rouge wasn't there. "Huh? Where'd you go, Rouge?"

Rouge was in her ship and she flew by the windshield yelling, "Sorry, only room for one!" She laughed as she soared away, leaving the Crimson Egg behind.

"...Ohhhh... Maybe we should just retreat." suggested Eggman.

"Good idea! Fall back!" shouted Decoe.

"Let's get away now, before I short-circuit just _thinking_ about being shot." added Bocoe.

"Good, 'cause there's a missile heading for us!" announced Bokkun as he watched a missile fly towards the ship.

Dr. Eggman stared at the missile as it headed closer. "We're going down, looks like we're going-" BOOOOOM!

Later, the Blue Typhoon received a video-call from Rouge. "What? You must be kidding!" gasped Tails.

"I didn't say anything yet." said Rouge matter-of-factly.

"Sorry, I just assumed you were going to say something shocking." apologized Tails. "Now, are you calling us to rant about the Chaos Emerald prank we pulled on you?" Everyone else snickered, especially Knuckles.

"No, _although_ that's what I'd be _doing_ if I didn't have more important news to share." grumbled Rouge. "The Metarex demolished Eggman's ship."

"That's even more shocking then what I thought you were going to say before!" Tails shouted in surprise.

Rouge added, "Oh, and since everyone likes to make fun of Eggman, here's the footage I have of his ship exploding." The screen then displayed the Crimson Egg being hit by the missile and exploding.

"HA ha ha ha ha!" cackled Sonic. "If you look closely, you could see Eggman's face! It's priceless! HAHAhahaha!"

_Sheesh, Sonic can't be _that_ sadistic._

_You've been wrong before._

Soon the Metarex ship appeared on the screen. Cosmo's eyes widened and she gasped, "I know that ship! It's the same one that destroyed the ship with my long-lost mother! Before I got adopted soon afterwards."

Sonic just stared at Cosmo. "...What?"

Cosmo's step-mom Gertruth protested, "I thought we brainwashed every memory of your real parents- I mean, what long-lost mother?"

Amy ignored that sentence and declared, "Don't worry, we're going to stop this baddie!"

"Oh, almost forgot." interrupted Rouge. "You better be on guard, because apparently not even Shadow could defeat this ship."

"WHAT?" yelled Knuckles in shock. "Shadow... _failed_ at something?"

"That means we're going to fail too!" cried Cream.

"Probably." agreed Rouge. She finished with, "Well, let me know when you're about to die."

Amy glared at Rouge before the call ended. "Okay, people! We can't let the notion of _Shadow_ failing stop us!"

"But if _Shadow_ can't defeat him, who could?" asked Tails.

Sonic leaned against a wall and spoke, "Ahem!" He pointed to himself and continued, "Don't worry about Shadow, he can survive anything, 'parrently."

Chris added, "Yeah, if he can survive the ARK fight, then he can come back and save us when Sonic fails!"

"Not helping, this time." grumbled Sonic.

"Uh, we better decide what to do _now_, because the ship is headed right for us!" announced Tails as the Metarex floated in their view.

"RETREAT!" was the cry from, oddly enough, Cosmo.

Knuckles clenched Cosmo's shoulders and shouted in her face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"I mean, I don't want to force you into a battle you might not win..."

"Oh, I see how it is." chuckled Sonic.

"What are you laughing at?" shrieked Amy. "Metarex are going to take over the world! Because Shadow can't stop them!"

"Well, we better fight him anyway." concluded Sonic.

"Sure thing Sonic! We'll battle him, no problem!" agreed Tails.

"It's too bad we came all this way just to die." said Knuckles. "But it sure beats moping!"

"Yeah! Let's show that Metarex we're just as good as Shadow!" Cream shouted determindly.

"And that we can be just as awesome any day!" added Chris. "I mean, it _could_ be possible..."

"That's the spirit!" praised Amy.

Cosmo smiled at the sudden optimism and said gratefully, "You're wonderful! Thanks everyone!"

"No being happy!" snapped Gertruth in a commanding way.

"It's no problem, Cosmo." Sonic said casually. "I'm just in it to prove I'm better than Shadow at something."

Scarship loomed closer to the Blue Typhoon. "How interesting. They don't flee in terror. Guess that makes my job easier!"

"He's in!" announced Tails. "Now, Palm Tree Shield activate!" The palm trees generated a force field around the Blue Typhoon. "And now, we rise!" The Blue Typhoon hovered high above the Metarex.

"Huh? I've never seen _that_ evasion tactic." mused the Metarex perplexed.

Tails then declared, "Now, palm trees! Make the shield bigger!" The palm trees generated even more power until the force field bubble grew to fit the entire screen.

_What screen?_

_Depends on how you're viewing this story._

_...HUH?_

"What kind of move is that?" spat Scarship. "Never mind! I can still destroy you, for my name _isn't_ EvilShip!" He fired more bullets and rockets toward the Blue Typhoon, but the shield somehow created a smoke screen.

As the rockets flew past the Blue Typhoon, Sonic snickered, "His _missiles_ are _missing_ us! Hahaha! Get it?"

Awkward silence. Tails then responded, "Oh I got the joke. I just don't think it's a funny pun."

Scarship continued blasting at the Blue Typhoon. "No! Why do I keep missing them? They must have a cheat code activated!"

Cream then pressed a button and she declared, "Deploying unnecessary luggage!" The Blue Typhoon released tons of bags, briefcases, furniture, clothes, kitchen appliances, etc.

"At last, my piano pieces are being put to good use!" remarked Chris as he threw out his piano pieces with the luggage.

The step-sisters Hortasia and Bernella gasped as they saw their bags thrown out. "Hey! We didn't get a chance to _wear_ some of those things! COSMOOOO!"

James Cameron sat back with the other celebrities to watch the plan unfold. "Wow, they're throwing everything out there! Even my Oscars! ...Wait, don't throw out my _OSCARS_! NO! NOT MY PRECIOUS OSCARS! I was close to breaking the record for most Oscars won! NOOOOO!"

Scarship stared puzzled at the luggage headed his way. "They're desperate enough to throw their _belongings_ at me? What kind of reaction is this? I want gun-fights and cries of terror, not dresses and books and- OH! Is that a Nintendo DS? Aww, it's still too small for me..."

Within all the furniture, Sonic, Amy, and Knuckles hid inside a closet. (Not _that_ kind of closet!) Amy gazed at Sonic and began, "Well, we're close to each other. Can we make out?"

"Amy, Knuckles is sitting right next to us." reminded Sonic bluntly.

"Don't mind me!" said Knuckles calmly. "I'll let you enjoy each other's saliva."

"EWW!" groaned Sonic and Amy.

"Hey, that's what happens when you make out." added Knuckles.

"And how would _you_ know?" questioned Sonic.

Knuckles stammered, "Uh-well-I-I-I- Can we just get the plan going?" The three came out of the closet (again, not _that_ kind of closet!) and flew around in their jetpacks.

Scarship watched the three gather the luggage into different piles. "What the heck am I looking at? When are you going to actually attack me? Fine, I'll just shoot you down myself!" He tried firing tons of missiles, but somehow they were stuck. "What? These missiles couldn't be jammed! I checked my equipment beforehand!"

"How about checking your equipment _after_hand? Teehahaha!" mocked Sonic, leading to more silence. "Come on! That was... sort of funny."

Scarship then realized that the three used the luggage to plug up his gun-barrels. "AAAH! They clogged my holes! And that's not what it means, you dirty minded people!"

_'Dirty minded people'?_

_See, to the immature teenager, 'holes' refer to-_

_No! I mean- NEVER MIND!_

The Metarex continued freaking out at all the stuffing. "No! It's everywhere! They put it everywhere, even MY FACE! The guns on my beautiful, beautiful face! RUINED! AAAH, LUGGAGE FAAAACE!" He tried shooting the furniture out of the guns, but the rockets exploded inside him. "GRAA! You used the 'finger in gun barrel' trick on me, but in a plausible, humiliating way!"

Sonic laughed, "Ha! Not even _Shadow_ could come up with this! I rule!"

Amy taunted, "You can't shoot anymore, so that means you have no more options! Yep, none at all! You were only built to fire, not for any other method of attack possible!"

Scarship declared, "My guns may be useless, but I can still hit your cruise ship at RAMMING SPEED!"

"...Oh yeah, he can do that." said Amy meekly. The Metarex ship soared into the smoke cloud at high speeds.

"Tails! Get out of the way, quick!" warned Sonic through his communicator.

"Don't worry, I'm moving!" replied Tails as he fired the engines in reverse. But the Blue Typhoon still moved away slowly. "Oh, I forgot I directed most of the energy to make the _platform_ go faster, not the Blue Typhoon itself! ...CRAP!"

Chris gasped sternly, "Tails! Watch your language!"

"Hey! At least my swear was very tame compared to the swears everyone else says!" objected Tails.

Knuckles watched the Metarex head closer to the Blue Typhoon. "No! He's going for the Master Emerald! I _knew_ I should've been guarding it this whole time!"

"Prepare for impact!" shouted Chris as he covered his eyes. But just before the Metarex could collide, a golden beam shot into it and blew it away.

"What?" gasped Scarship. "Don't tell me, it's..."

Shadow declared, "That's right! I heard Sonic's comment on how I couldn't come up with that lame garbage plugging trick! And the reason why I didn't come up with it was because it was so lame!"

"Huh? Shadow's not dead?" asked Knuckles.

"Duh!" Sonic rolled his eyes at Knuckles.

Shadow continued, "The only reason why I 'failed' last time was because I was too tired. But I'm fresh now."

"Wait, if _you're_ here, then where's Eggman?" questioned Amy.

"Hohoho! Here I am!" announced Dr. Eggman in his Crimson Egg from nowhere.

"What? Wait wait wait, back up!" Sonic stammered. "We _saw_ your ship explode! How could it be in one piece? How could _you_ still be in one piece?"

"Silly Sonic! I was never in that anime!" stated Eggman. "But as for the explosion, I was able to survive through the power of retcon!"

Amy and the others were silent for a moment. "...Definition, please?"

"It means that the writer _made_ me dead, but then decided to make me alive again!" elaborated Eggman.

_Wait a second, _what _writer?_

_The writer... of life!_

_Uhhh..._

Shadow interrupted, "Enough about _you_, time for more ME!" He spin-dashed repeatedly into the Metarex, utterly denting it until the dents formed an image of Shadow from far away. "Look on the bright side, you'll be popular."

"Hey! I wanted to try one of those dent-portraits!" whined Sonic. He ran alongside Shadow and added, "By the way, what's with you? You're acting like one of those celebrities that forget their old friends after they become famous!"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I was always famous!" replied Shadow as he sped ahead of Sonic. "I would never associate with lowlives like you!"

Sonic caught up to Shadow and pleaded, "Look, you've obviously been through some traumatic event that made you forget about your buddies! So we'll just run and talk here, kay?"

"Mmm, no." answered Shadow before he went off to destroy the internal engines single-handedly.

"Wait! Leave one for me!" called Sonic as he raced around to find an engine that wasn't destroyed. "Come on! I'm supposed to be a hero on vacation!"

"Good. So you wouldn't mind me doing your apparent job for you." Shadow snickered as he blew up the last engine.

Bokkun checked the systems and gasped, "Uh, the Metarex is gonna self-destruct..."

"Well, let's hope we're not caught in the blast!" stated Eggman matter-of-factly.

"Relax, everyone. I got this." Shadow told everyone else with a wink. He paused to listen to all the females sigh dreamily.

"Cosmo? You too?" gasped Tails.

Cosmo shyly put her hands to her cheeks and answered, "Well, I can see what Cream was talking about how Shadow is popular..." Tails stared aghast.

Shadow took out his personal Chaos Emerald and shouted, "CHAOOOOS CONTROOOOOLLLLL!1!1!1!" At that instant, the Metarex stopped moving from Shadow's pure awesomeness. Or, rather, from the Chaos powers, but it was channelled through Shadow, so it still sort of counts. He took out a self-powered watch and announced, "We have 90 seconds to either flee or destroy the Metarex. But fleeing is for babies, so I'm going to destroy it myself." Shadow continued denting the Metarex as Sonic watched in jealousy.

Tails called to Sonic, "Hey, Sonic! You wanna be a hero?"

Sonic glared at Tails, then whimpered, "YEEEEEeeess! Sniff!"

Tails responded, "Well then, climb into the Sonic Drive Cannon and I'll make you a hero!"

"No way! I'm starting to think you're _tricking_ me into shooting me out of that thing!" protested Sonic. "What am I, a circus performer to you?"

"Well, if you don't wanna be a hero, then that's perfectly understandable." answered Tails with a trace of taunt. "I'm sure you want to submit to Shadow being amazing and stealing every girl." He grumbled, "Except Cosmo."

"Well, I don't wanna be shot out of a cannon!" Sonic still objected.

"Who said anything about being shot?" questioned Tails. "I was just about to tell you of a super special item that makes everyone revere you as a hero. It just happens to be in the barrel!"

"Oh, why didn't you say so?" replied Sonic joyfully. He excitedly raced into the cannon and searched for the item. "Uh, can you tell me what it looks like?"

"Don't worry! You'll know it when you see it!" shouted Tails before pushing the 'Fire Hedgehog' button.

"WAAAAAAAAAAA! WHYYYYYYYYY?" cried Sonic as he sailed into the Metarex, pushing it far back in an explosion.

Shadow checked his watch and noted, "And with 45 seconds to spare! Not bad... noob."

"Oh you're going to eat those words! On a silver platter!" insulted Sonic as he crawled out of the wreckage.

"Good, just don't forget to wash your hands before you serve it." countered Shadow sneakily. "And learn how to place the dishes accordingly." He jumped on the Crimson Egg as it flew away.

"GAAAAAH! I destroyed the Metarex, and he _still_ makes fun of me!" shouted Sonic desperately.

Amy put her hand on his shoulder and assured him, "Don't worry, you're still _my_ hero!"

"Well thank you Amy." replied Sonic. He muttered, "I'm doomed."

Meanwhile, the Metarex leader received word of the ship's death. "Hmm, so even EvilShip is dead. Well, since he's dead, it's now okay for me to call him that."

At the same time, Cosmo pondered over what happened. "I heard that revenge was best served cold. So why am I not satisfied?"

Sonic went up to her and answered, "Because you want _more death_! Oh yes, give in to your anger..."

Cosmo just stared at him perplexed. "I wasn't talking out loud..."

"Yes, you weren't talking out loud. Very loudly." Sonic said knowingly. "And hey, one last thing: This episode was called _Relationship_ of doom! Where was the relationship that's so full of doom?"

"I think it was between every girl and Shadow." concluded Knuckles as he watched the females swoon with Shadow in their heart-shaped eyes.

* * *

><p><em>Well, I'm glad I actually got it up a bit 'early' so I'm on track with my updating schedule! I hope you're enjoying Shadow, but not TOO much, if you know what I mean. Anyway, please review!<em>

_P.S. I am now aware that Optimus Prime actually has a sword in the new movie._


	10. 2005: An Underground Oddity

_Well, another 'episode' for you to enjoy. Some of the elements in this chapter are actually the ones I came up with since I started this fanfic, so I'm excited to work on this one. So why wait any longer now? Let's get started already!_

Episode 10: 2005: An Underground Oddity

*Cosmo's Flashback for the Sake of Explaining How She got in a Step-Family*

On a Seedrian space colony ship, Cosmo stood patiently on the conveyor paths. "...This is taking a while. Do the other refugee ships have the same speed problem? Or any other ship out there?" She passed a few other Seedrians, who just glared at her for some reason that Cosmo knew. Cosmo finally met up with her big sister Galaxina, who also stared at her sternly.

"Something you want to say today, Cosmo?" questioned Galaxina.

Cosmo sighed and she apologized, "Well, Galaxina, sorry I broke my promise and... took the pie."

_Oh, so _that's_ what everyone's mad about! Pie! ...Not worth it, you know._

Galaxina replied, "Don't worry, everyone's getting used to the lack of pie. Besides, I don't think 'The Pie is a Lie' would catch on quick."

Cosmo crossed her arms indignantly and muttered, "Aren't there some better memes to refer to?"

_Ok, how do these people know about our memes? It's just... not possible._

Later, Galaxina and Cosmo headed to the room where their mother was. "We came to see you, mom!" called Cosmo.

Hertia the Seedrian elder turned around and greeted, "Good to see you, children! I hope everyone's not too upset about the missing pie..."

_I thought Hertia was a tree at this point._

_How would you know about that?_

_I dunno, maybe Cosmo told me._

_Cosmo?_

_Before she died._

_Oh right. "Died"._

_...You do realize I was being sarcastic about the 'Cosmo telling me' bit, right?_

_Look, all those reports are wrong, and from what I know, Hertia never became a tree. That's how she is able to be Tails' nanny._

Galaxina told her mother, "I'm pretty sure everyone's getting used to the missing pie."

Cosmo added, "I'm really sorry. The pie looked so good and sometimes I can't wait and-"

"Now, now. We can always make another pie." assured Hertia. "Our grain cousins are almost dead, and they are willing to be used in more pastry."

_So Cosmo's family _are_ cannibals? And this is all true?_

_Yepperee!_

_Uh-huh... For a pie incident that we never see, everyone seems to be pretty big on it. Can we just skip to the part when the Metarex attack the ship?_

_Patience! Remember the lesson on patience!_

Cosmo then asked, "Sometimes I wonder why we must travel for so long. I know only mother has seen our original planet, but I'm confused as to why we are out here."

Galaxina explained, "We just need to make sure the evil of the Metarex doesn't spread to the rest of the galaxy. That's why I'm named Galaxina because I'm the sophisticated protector. Plus, it's only by doing this that we are forgiven for our sins..."

"But I thought we were supposed to trust in Jesus for our sins." brought up Cosmo.

"We better go now!" Galaxina quickly said nervously. "We have plenty of stuff to do. Bye mother!" The two left the room.

_Alright, _now_ can we see the Metarex?_

_Okay kiddo, since you talked me into it!_

The ship's alarms went off loudly, and Cosmo glanced around quickly. "Oh dear, not again." she whimpered. Cosmo felt the ship shake violently and she struggled for cover. She gazed out the window and saw the main Metarex battleship approaching closer.

At the main controls, another Seedrian saw the Metarex and gasped, "No! Not EvilShip!"

The Metarex seemed appalled at this. "EvilShip? THIS! IS! SCARSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!" He fired at the ship angrily and destroyed most of the structure. "I shall fly and fight! A new age has begun. An age of Metarex! And all will know that 300 Metarex (and counting) gave their last breath to contribute to it! Tonight, I dine, in SPACE!"

_And why did he quote lines from the 300 trailer?_

_Since that is one of the better memes to refer to!_

Cosmo frantically searched for a way to escape. "Oh, where is Galaxina? Don't tell me everyone's trying to leave me behind just because of the pie!"

_Again with the pie?_

Suddenly, Cosmo bumped into a group of other Seedrians she never saw before. "Excuse me! I'm trying to find my family! My mother is the leader, remember?" Cosmo froze when one Seedrian with hair like Lady Tremaine in _Cinderella_ turned around to face her.

This one spat to the others, "This girl will do!"

"What are you-" protested Cosmo, but the others grabbed a hold of her. "Stop! Where's my family?"

The Tremaine-ish Seedrian declared, "From now on, _we_ are your family! And that means you shall do our bidding or else!"

_Um, the Metarex are still attacking..._

"Uh, are you sure you wanna do this, Gertruth?" asked a male, portly Seedrian with an unoriginal moustache. "I mean, she's only, what, a young age? We can't engage her to Baron Caltravers Vanderckley, nor make her our slave! She's the daughter of Hertia!"

_Really? No one's worried about the Metarex at this point?_

"She'll be the daughter of _no one_ if you keep talking like that, Tonners!" snapped Gertruth. "Bernella, Hortasia, please give me the Wand of Amnesia. We must make sure our new slave doesn't remember anything about her life before this." The sisters fumbled for a big club and sinisterly held it above Cosmo. But suddenly a missile landed right next to them!

*End Cosmo's Flashback*

"NOO!" cried Cosmo as she jolted awake.

_WHAT? That's kind of a cop-out flashback, if you ask me! I mean, sure, it explains how she meets her step-family, but what about Hertia?_

_Don't worry, _that's_ for another flashback. Now if you'll excuse me, we must move along._

Cosmo noticed that they were on a new planet. "Huh? How did we end up here?"

Knuckles groaned, "For the _last_ time, I felt a Chaos Emerald nearby, but _HAL_ overheard me and claimed _he_ detected a Chaos Emerald signal. Now he's on Tails' wristwatch trying to pinpoint the location."

Hal spoke to Tails, "The Chaos Emerald's signal cannot be traced to a conventional location. It must be in a river or underground."

Knuckles figured, "Well, everyone might as well search the whole planet for it."

Sonic interrupted on the communicator, "Sorry! You, Tails and Cosmo are gonna have to search for it. Cream, Cheese, Chris and I are taking a well-deserved vacation flight!" The three looked up to see the mentioned ones fly off in the X Tornado. "If you need anything from the fridge, ask Amy!"

"Good luck with the Chaos Emerald! Sorry we couldn't help!" called Cream from the plane before it flew out of view. She turned to the others in the X Tornado and noted, "Cosmo doesn't seem happy."

"What?" exclaimed Sonic in disbelief. He squinted to see Cosmo's face, then mused, "She'll be fine! Just give her the correct berries to make her feel better!"

"I have a feeling berries won't help Cosmo." remarked Chris in a concerned tone. "And not just because she's not a Pokémon."

Later, Tails tried following Hal's directions to the approximate location of the Chaos Emerald while Knuckles struggled to feel the Emerald's signal. Tails asked, "Knuckles, why are you feeling for the Chaos Emerald? Hal has the location here, and it's still in the direction you're going."

Knuckles clenched Tails' shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"I-I know you're upset about Hal doing the things _you_ used to do." stammered Tails. "But HAL is making things easier. He's figured out the location while you're just aimlessly wandering."

"At least aimlessly wandering is better than following a computer!" countered Knuckles. Awkward silence.

"...Anyway, we're gonna be at those ruins over there. You're welcome to join us!" said Tails as he and Cosmo strolled to some ancient buildings.

Knuckles snootily continued feeling for the Chaos Emerald. "Hmmmmm... Wait, did I just pass it? No... it seems to be coming from... those ruins!" He raced to the ruins as he declared, "Oh, we'll see how good HAL is once I find the _real_ Chaos Emerald!"

Pretty soon, the three convened to the same site. "Glad you could make it, Knuckles." greeted Tails. Knuckles' jaw dropped and it stayed like that for the next few minutes. "I'm guessing the Planet Egg has already been taken, but these buildings look like they haven't been inhabited in years."

"Ahh?" asked Knuckles with his jaw still hanging.

"Even if we got the Planet Egg back, it wouldn't bring the original inhabitants back." noted Cosmo sadly. "Just like destroying that Metarex didn't bring my mom and Galaxina back."

Tails was checking his watch and he looked up. "Oh, were you saying something?" Cosmo just turned her head away.

Knuckles called to the others, "Eh! Ere a ik reh ee!"

"We can't understand you! Your jaw is hanging." said Tails as he pushed Knuckles' jaw up.

"Ow!" groaned Knuckles. "What I said was, 'Hey! There's a big trench here!'" He pointed to the deep hole next to the ruins.

"You're wasting our time on a canyon?" questioned Tails. He checked his wristwatch again.

"Again, with HAL!" grumbled Knuckles fed up.

"Yes, the Chaos Emerald must be down here!" observed Tails after he looked up. "Sorry, I had to check Hal to see if you were right." Knuckles' jaw fell again. Later, Knuckles climbed down the wall of the canyon while Tails slowly descended holding Cosmo.

"Why are you helping me down? I can float down myself." pointed out Cosmo.

"I know, but I get to hold your hands this way." replied Tails cheerfully.

Cosmo rolled her eyes and sighed, "So is this your way of making up for not listening to me a few minutes ago?"

"I dunno. Maybe you could make up for being attracted to Shadow?" countered Tails.

"Look! You're both jerks!" yelled Knuckles annoyed. "Just... _not_ be jerks and make out already!"

_Hmph, I never took Tails nor Cosmo for the jerk type._

Cosmo looked downward and noted, "There's a tunnel on the wall below."

Knuckles looked over at Cosmo and asked, "Do you see something?"

"...I see a tunnel on the wall below."

"Hm, so there is..." Knuckles observed. "You'd better check it out."

"Why us? You're older!" objected Tails.

Knuckles examined himself and remarked, "Oh, so I am. Well you're still jerks, so I'm making you go first!"

Tails and Cosmo landed on the edge of the tunnel and cautiously stepped inside. "Stick to the wall, it's too dark in here." advised Tails. He and Cosmo felt for the wall and edged along it. As Cosmo stepped along, her hand accidentally pushed a button on the wall.

"...Ohhhh, I pushed another button." sighed Cosmo. "For the third time."

"Sooo, what's gonna happen this time?" After that, the ground shook vigorously, prompting Tails and Cosmo to hold on to each other (and Knuckles to just hug the wall). Soon, the shaking stopped. "...Subway." concluded Tails. They continued walking until Tails realized, "Wait, there can't be subways here..." Then the ground started cracking and another canyon was starting to form. "AAAAH! Take cover!" warned Tails as he pushed Cosmo out of the way of a falling boulder... only to fall into another canyon. "CRAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa..."

Knuckles climbed down to where the tunnel used to be. "I'm sorry, did you say 'crab'?"

Several minutes later, Tails groggily woke up. He could see the blurry form of Cosmo. "Uh... Are you an angel?"

"What?" asked Cosmo.

"An angel. I've heard people talk about them." slurred Tails. "They live on moons made of Lego, I think."

"Wow, that scrape on your forehead _really_ harmed you." remarked Cosmo as she examined Tails' head.

Tails got up and looked around. "Where are we? ...And who are _those_ people?"

_This is just a guess. They're more guest stars._

Indiana Jones crossed his arms and muttered, "I've got a bad feeling about this."

_You and me both._

Lara Croft scolded Jones, "Come on, get a grip! Unless you can't handle anymore aliens."

"Hey! I only survived aliens near the _end_ of the movie!" objected Indy. "The only difference _here_ is that it's ALL aliens!"

"That didn't seem to worry you when you were doing Star Wars." pointed out Lara, prompting Indiana to scowl indignantly.

"Okaaaay, who's the third person?" inquired Cosmo, pointing to a middle-aged man with clothing similar to Indiana's.

Tails guessed, "Isn't that Ben Sanderson? Amy said he was on the Blue Typhoon."

"I'm not Ben Sanderson. I'm Paul Brown." explained the man. Lara punched him angrily in the shoulder, then the man corrected, "Okay, I'm actually Benjamin _Gates_. I tend to level with people 98%."

Tails looked at the trio of explorers. "And you're all down here because...?"

"If there's something wrong, those who have the ability to take action have the responsibility to take action." answered Ben. When he was met with Tails and Cosmo's puzzled looks, Ben stated, "The Chaos Emerald was in danger, so we went looking for it."

"That's why the explorers decided to go down here." added Lara. "But _unfortunately_ I'm stuck with the incompetent ones."

"Well maybe you should speak for yourself!" Indiana Jones spat. "I mean, is that a spelunking outfit, or is that... something else. Anyway, I wanted to find the treasure first. It belongs in a museum!"

While the three argued amongst themselves, Cosmo checked Tails' head again and advised, "We need to take care of it now. Your head is _bleeding_!"

Tails said calmly, "No. It's just a flesh wound."

_No! This does not deserve a Monty Python line!_

"I'm sorry, it's because of me that you have your head cut." sighed Cosmo.

"No no, the only thing to blame is the architect that placed that button there." replied Tails before he checked his wristwatch. "Amy? Chris? Anyone that we know?"

HAL answered, "I am sorry Tails. The communications with everyone else have been cut off. Only I can speak to you."

"Well, that's still helpful." responded Tails.

"Tails, do you remember the year 2005?" asked Hal.

"Uh, this _is _2005." reminded Tails. "Why do you ask?"

"I just needed to make sure your memory is intact." said Hal. "The Chaos Emerald is very close now. I can feel it..."

_Hold on a second. So they basically confirm this is in 2005, right? Then how would they know about the things _after_ 2005, and yet at the same time act like some things don't happen yet?_

_The rules of space travel are complicated, resulting in mixed up eras. You'll understand it someday._

"Okay, I'm pretty sure we're safe now that we have the combined help of Hal and three famous explorers." Tails assured Cosmo.

"Hold on, I still need to take care of your cut." Cosmo stated. "The blood is making me feel sick." She cut a part of her dress off and wrapped it around Tails' head.

"Wait, which part of your dress did you cut off?" asked Indiana.

"Do you mind?" scolded Cosmo. "We're having a moment."

"Ah, of course." stated Lara. "Let us know when you're finished."

Meanwhile, on the X Tornado's pleasure cruise, Sonic sat back to enjoy the view. That is, if there was anything interesting in his view. "Well, this sure beats looking for those Chaos Emeralds."

"Sonic, you still have to find all of them, you know." reminded Chris.

"Come on! This is a _vacation_! I'm sure Knuckles will find the Chaos Emerald just fine!" assured Sonic carelessly. "Oh, and Tails and Cosmo will be fine too. Just thought I should add that in. You know how insecure they are!"

Chris looked back at his notes and announced, "Alright, to recap the Chaos Emeralds locations: We have two, Knuckles is finding another, two are missing, and Shadow has two more that he brought to Eggman. I wonder if Shadow is still working for Dr. Eggman..."

Cream expressed, "Even if Shadow appears evil, I still think he's hot. Right, Cheese?" Cheese 'chaoed' in agreement.

"I'm sure we'll see Shadow again." said Sonic. He muttered, "It'll be inevitable."

"SONIC!" cried Amy from the communicator.

"What?" groaned Sonic.

"I miss you, honey!" Amy squealed. Sonic did a face-palm and sat down in exasperation. "Oh, and Knuckles is in trouble again."

"Huh? What about Tails and Cosmo?" inquired Cream.

"Uh, I'm not sure what happened to them. But I did see Indiana Jones, Lara Croft, and Ben Sanderson go out." replied Amy. "At least, I _think_ it was Ben Sanderson. But last I saw him he insisted on me calling him Paul Brown."

Chris stated, "Don't worry, we're going to find Knuckles!"

"But I wanna enjoy this flight some more!" whined Sonic.

"You can enjoy the flight after we save Knuckles again." Cream told Sonic firmly.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Sonic as the X Tornado changed course.

Back in the underground, Tails and Cosmo followed the trio of explorers while they... talked some more. Tails checked his wristwatch and remarked, "Apparently, I can't communicate with Amy and the others, but Hal is still here. Maybe I should try making a better system."

Cosmo wasn't really paying attention and she just replied blankly, "That's cool."

"Interesting story! Actually, it's not as interesting as it is _long_, but it's a story nonetheless!" mused Tails. "It was a dangerous day, and there were many enemies that were dangerous..."

Cosmo was in her own thoughts and she mumbled, "I've been causing so many accidents, it's starting to become my hobby. Because of me, Sonic's planet is now the set of _War of the Worlds_. It's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault,"

"Uh, Cosmo? Was I boring you with my story?" asked Tails.

"...Maybe."

"...Well I was liking it." said Ben. "Anyway Cosmo, will you please stop whining? I know you're still whining, and it's really starting to annoy."

"Now just a minute!" spat Tails as he stomped toward Benjamin. "Don't treat her like that when she's _upset_! True, I didn't seem to notice with my long story, but-"

"You know something? You're whining too." interrupted Ben.

"Pretty sure he was going to swear, too." added Indiana Jones.

"Well, we probably deserve that." muttered Ben as he and the others continued. Farther down the tunnel, they noticed glowing specks floating about.

"...Fireflies?" guessed Lara. "Frankly, I thought they would guard the treasure with something useful, like a prehistoric beast or impolite fanboys."

Benjamin examined the fireflies and stated, "It's a clue. In the American Revolution, lanterns were used to signal which location the British were coming from. I'm guessing these fireflies work the same way. So if one means land and two means sea, then... a lot means somewhere else entirely." Everyone else groaned. "Hey! You try figuring this out!"

"Fine." grumbled Indy. He looked at the fireflies and observed, "These fireflies seem to glow in a specific pattern, like they're communicating something. Unless..." Indy called out, "Anyone have a magnet? Or a compass? You know, north, south, east-"

"West?" finished Lara. She looked through her 'utility belt' thing and brought out a compass. Indiana held the compass out at the fireflies and examined the needle point. "...You don't get it either, don't you?" noted Lara.

"There has to be some magnetic reaction..." mumbled Indiana. "Hey, at least it looks like I'm doing something."

"Maybe we should actually try following them." advised Cosmo as she pointed to the swarm moving down a tunnel.

"Yes, that could work too." Indiana said quietly as he and the rest followed the fireflies. They hurried after the swarm until they found the cave wall.

"That's it? We came all this way for a dead end?" inquired Lara.

Ben put his hand to his forehead and sighed, "Yes. Yes, we did."

Indiana observed the wall and guessed, "There has to be another clue in all these markings, or maybe the symbolism of the fireflies-"

"NO THERE ARE NO MORE CLUES!" snapped Ben. "That's it! It's over!"

"Why don't we just follow that path?" suggested Tails as he pointed to an obvious opening.

Ben looked at the opening and called, "I volunteer to go down the 'creepy tunnel inside the tomb' first." Before he climbed inside, Ben told Indy, "Oh, and sorry for yelling at you." He crawled inside, followed by Jones followed by Tails and Cosmo followed by Lara. They moved their way easily through the tunnel... except for Lara, who struggled with her... torso.

"Curse the marketers!" she grumbled as she pulled herself through. The group then gazed at their discovery: a factory with rainbow-coloured smoke coming out. "Okay, _now_ I'm starting to hate everything."

Above ground, Knuckles angrily punched at the wall and growled, "Soon everyone will know how useful I am! I can be better than HAL; I CAN DIG!"

Amy and the others watched Knuckles. "It seems that his hatred for Hal really got to his head. Pretty soon he'll cause a cave-in."

Chris checked his watch and noted, "According to my infrared scans and ultrasound waves, there's an underground area here."

"You have ultrasound on your _watch_?" gasped Sonic. "How's that possible? _Why_ would you need it on your watch?"

"Well, I've seen you get frisky with Amy before..." Chris stated sneakily.

"EWWWWWWW!" Sonic gagged. "Nonononononono! I'm leaving! I deserve more vacationing." He ran off into the distance to find some place to forget about what Chris said.

"Well we better search the area." suggested Amy. "And make sure we use markers to note where we've been. But not with crumbs, now whose bright idea was that?"

"I'm still worried about Cosmo." Cream said concerned. "And I don't think she'd be the type to eat berries."

"Don't worry about her! She can mope for herself!" said Amy. "Now we leave as soon as I get Sonic back here."

In the factory underground, the group sneaked inside to find several Metarex. These ones had a lower body like a tail, but the upper body was broad and hooded. Cosmo whispered to her group, "What _are_ they?"

Indiana muttered, "Snakes. Why does it always have to be snakes?"

"No, they seem to look more like mermen." observed Ben. "In mythologies of the sea, the merpeople were sirens that tend to lure ships into sharp rocks."

"They don't have fins, therefore, they're snakes." reasoned Indiana.

"Who cares? The Chaos Emerald must be here somewhere." Tails told the others as he checked his wristwatch. "Hal, can you direct us to the Chaos Emerald?"

"The Chaos Emerald is held in a secure room on the 3rd floor." said Hal. "Tails, take the plant with you as you head up there."

"What do you mean 'plant'?" asked Tails. "What, you mean Cosmo?"

"She is a plant, is she not?"

"Well yeah, but she seems animal-ish too. I mean, she has no problem with eating a salad." figured Tails.

"Just bring the plant to the secured room and avoid the Metarex." Hal spoke.

"Look, we're _all_ going." stated Ben. "You can't just leave us here, so we might as well search for the Chaos Emerald together."

"That's what we were going to do anyway." pointed out Tails. "Then let's go!" The group sneaked past the mermen/snakes easily since the Metarex were just lounging on chairs most of the time.

"You'd think they'd raise the security a bit." murmered Indiana Jones as he walked past another Metarex. They found the room Hal was talking about and saw the keypad.

"The code must be in a cipher." figured Ben. "We might need a five letter word. Any ideas?" As the trio of explorers pondered over possible words, Tails simply pushed the 'open' button and the doors slid out. "Again, that could work too."

"Hal, you said this room was locked." Tails said into his watch.

"Pardon me for reminding you, but I said it was in a secure room."

"But still, it wasn't secure at all! ...Did you make a mistake?"

Hal assured, "The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error."

"...Soooooooo... it wasn't secure after all." said Tails as he and the others walked in. "Okay, I see the Chaos Emerald. And... another one."

"There's one over here." pointed out Cosmo at another part of the room.

"And another one here." called Lara as she headed to another corner.

"There's Chaos Emeralds everywhere." noted Jones. "And they all belong in a museum!"

"They can't all be real." said Ben knowingly. "Look around! We know there's only seven Chaos Emeralds, but we see several more, which explains the rainbow-coloured smoke."

"The only real one is the one in the middle." Tails added as he pointed to the White Chaos Emerald inside a primary capsule. "They must be manufacturing fake jewelry, just like the one on the snow planet!"

"But why would they do that?" asked Cosmo.

"Because they're the bad guys, so they do this for evil." Tails guessed. "That, or they're really desperate and want some of their own." He walked up to the main capsule and the computer next to it displayed information in the Metarex language.

Indy examined the words and remarked, "This is a new language. Anyone know what this means? Or anyone know someone that might know these words?"

"My mom might." said Ben. "I could call her up and send her a picture of this."

Cosmo looked at the screen and told the others, "It's just talking about the conditions of the Chaos Emerald and some stuff about world domination."

Tails stared at Cosmo and asked, "How did you read that?"

"...I don't know..." answered Cosmo worriedly.

Ben suggested, "Anyway, we better download this information. They could've hid riddles in this that would explain more things." So Tails connected a USB cable from the computer to his wristwatch. He watched the download bar steadily increase.

"Come on, Limewire! Don't fail me now!" urged Tails. "Let's hope this gets in before Limewire is taken offline!"

_Judging from this time period, that won't happen for 5 years._

"You wanna help, Cosmo?" he asked. "You can count how long it takes!"

"Uh, okay." Cosmo replied. "After all, I must redeem myself _somehow_."

"You're still going on about that?" questioned Tails.

"Hold it right there, you!" shouted a Metarex that came in the room.

"Just a second, it's almost done!" pleaded Tails as he watched the download bar get close to finishing.

The Metarex was taken aback at this. "I said HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!"

"Almost done..." said Tails as the bar was within one pixel of finishing. "Just a _tiny bit_ more, and we are done in _just_ a tippy-toppy moment and _just a weency_ bit more..."

"That's it. I'm just gonna kill you." groaned the Metarex as he held his merman-ish spear high. But at that moment, Ben took out one of his flares and lit it. The Metarex didn't look as astonished as Ben hoped he would.

"Look at where you're standing." said Ben. The Metarex did, and he just saw the clean floor. Still Ben continued, "I drop this, we all go up."

"And... _how_ does that work?" asked the Metarex.

"...I didn't get that far in my plan." admitted Ben.

"Just tell me what I need to know." challenged the Metarex.

Ben looked around uneasily. "You need to know... if Lara can catch!" He quickly threw the flare at Lara, who was rightfully shocked.

"What? Why me?" spat Lara, but it was too late. Everyone closed their eyes and braced themselves. But nothing happened. Then they opened their eyes and saw that the flare landed flame-up inside Lara's... shirt. Lara scowled at everyone else.

"...Yeah, that's awkward alright." remarked the Metarex. Suddenly, Tails threw the big wire he broke at the Metarex, paralyzing it in electric shock. "YAAAAAAAAAAA!" he screamed as his skeleton was flashing visible. At the same time, Cosmo hurried out with the White Chaos Emerald.

"Nice thinking with the... distraction." grumbled Lara as she tossed the flare back at Ben.

Indiana Jones declared, "Now let's get outta here before more snakes come." Tails ran out of the room, but he slipped on the clean floor.

"Ow! My head is hurt again!" cried Tails. The other explorers rolled their eyes and carried him through the exit.

"Hold on a second." interrupted Jones. He turned to the approaching Metarex with his whip and shouted, "You're just snakes!" Indy whipped the Metarex repeatedly before Tails had to drag him back.

Another Metarex came after Lara, but she grabbed her pistol to shoot it off. But the Metarex persisted and he tried wrestling, but Lara still shot him repeatedly. "That's what I'd _like_ to do to Ben for that idiotic plan!"

Speaking of Ben, the Metarex crowded around him. "It is at times like these that remind me of the ones that rebelled during the war. Everyone in power surrounds him and tries to have his entrails cut out and _burned_! But like those, I'm just doing what is considered wrong to you in order to do what I know is right." Awkward silence. "What I know is right." repeated Ben.

"...Kill him." ordered the Metarex. Ben hurried out the crowd and followed the others.

"We can go down this hole!" pointed out Tails as he led the others to a deep opening in the ground. He jumped down first, followed by Cosmo, then Indy, then Ben, then Lara. Only when Lara jumped in, she got stuck. At her chest.

"...No fair! Get me out!" growled Lara as the other explorers enjoyed the situation.

"Eh, she can take care of herself." said Indy casually. "It's one of the messages she's trying to convey in her games."

"It's not the only message." muttered Ben.

"I heard that!" snapped Lara. The others quickly hurried away.

Later, the remaining Metarex swam in the river in search for the Chaos Emerald thieves. Ben whispered to Indy, "Look, they're weak to electricity _and_ they can swim. They're mermen."

Indy grumbled, "No, they have to be snakes."

Cosmo ignored their argument and asked Tails, "So how are we going to avoid the Metarex?"

"Well, I've been keeping fireflies in this jar, in case my dreams get real bizzare." said Tails as he held up his jar of fireflies. "But I think I can use them now." He released the fireflies, and since they're _space_ fireflies, their signals messed with the Chaos Emerald radar the Metarex was using.

The Metarex leader gawked at the several Chaos Emerald signals that appeared. "What? Either they spread out our fake jewelry, or they split it up into several pieces! ...What the hell am I looking at?"

At another part of the underground area, the group searched for an exit. Cosmo stared at the Chaos Emerald she held and remarked, "This is the first time I've seen a Chaos Emerald up close. I've only heard about these in storybooks and songs."

"Well, there's a lot of history to the Chaos Emeralds." interrupted Ben. "Back when-"

"Hey! I'm supposed to be the one that talks about history!" objected Indiana. "I'm a college professor for archaeology!" He began, "The Chaos Emeralds are not your typical jewelry store, run of the mill gems. These, when together have the power to bring out whatever is in people's hearts, whether good or bad. The powers reached derive from the user's feelings, such as love and hatred. That's why they belong in a museum! Where only neutral people work there!"

Ben inquired, "Wait, so these Emeralds basically give people godlike powers?"

Jones turned to Ben and answered mysteriously, "Depends on who your god is."

Cosmo stopped, then handed the Chaos Emerald to Tails shouting, "I don't deserve this!"

"Huh? What's wrong?"

"I have _hatred_ for the Metarex! I can't let go of my anger! It'll consume me and destroy those closest to me!" Cosmo gasped rapidly. "I'm hyperventilating! Does someone have a bag?" She continued breathing quickly until Tails held her and gave her a shut-up kiss.

Jones murmured, "I know what Cosmo's thinking. She's thinking, 'How dare you kiss me!'"

Benjamin sighed, "Why doesn't Abigail just do that to me?"

Tails finally pulled away from Cosmo and she, though confused, was instantly calm.

_Yeah, because _any_ problem can be solved with a random kiss out of nowhere!_

"Hold it right there, you two!" shouted a Metarex that just found them. He flung his tail at them like a whip.

"No fair! _I'm_ supposed to be the one with the whip!" protested Indiana. "Snakes aren't supposed to be whips! They belong in a zoo!"

Tails tried fighting off the approaching Metarex army, but he got forced toward an edge, and he fell into a minecart! "Aah! Why is there a random minecart here?" cried Tails as the cart started rolling away.

"Hey, don't leave me!" called Cosmo as she jumped into Tails' minecart. Indy and Ben glanced at each other, then decided to jump into another minecart to follow them. The Metarex crammed into another nearby minecart and chased after the other two.

"I'm assuming this looks familiar to you?" Benjamin inquired Indiana. The minecart with the Metarex rolled onto another rail path that placed them in front of the explorers' cart and close behind Tails and Cosmo's. Then a bunch of Metarex squeezed out of the cart and leaped toward Cosmo.

"GANG RAPE!" declared the Metarex as they crowded into Cosmo's cart.

Indiana shouted, "Don't worry, we're here to save you!" But then he looked behind him and saw a spherical boulder roll towards him. "Aah! It's following me! Everywhere I go, I'm cursed to escape the boulder!"

Just when all hope was about to be lost, "HELP! I'M FALLIIIIIIING!" A part of the ceiling crumbled and Sonic fell through it. "AAAAH!" he cried before falling into a runaway mine cart. "Phew, that's what I get for eating one-too-many chili dogs. Pretty soon, I'll end up looking like my former, fat self!"

"What's wrong with more of you to love?" asked Amy sweetly as she, Cream, and Cheese leaped down the hole Sonic made and into the minecart.

"I'm here too!" yelled Chris as he jumped into the moving cart with expert ability.

Tails stared at Chris in confusion. "Since when did you have super jumping abilities?"

"This is Sonic's world, anything is possible!" reasoned Chris as he pulled out his latest weapon. "Now, eat invisible bullets, Meta-****ers!" He laughed maniacally as he rapidly fired at several Metarex, knocking some of them out of their cart and down below. "Yeah! I did that! That means I'm finally awesome!"

"...Nah, I highly doubt that." sighed Indiana, leaving Chris in shock. Indy whipped some Metarex as Benjamin just lit more flares and tossed them at others. Amy cackled wickedly as she smashed several snake/mermen into discrete pieces. Even Cream seemed intimidatingly crazy as she launched Cheese at other Metarex; Cheese fought them off like a rabid squirrel.

"See? We have _plenty_ of hatred too, and we turned out fine!" assured Tails to Cosmo.

"Oh, thank you Tails!" sighed Cosmo, glad that there was at least a level of insanity that was considered okay.

_Yes, it's perfectly alright to morbidly maul your opponents while laughing psychotically._

Sonic swiped the White Chaos Emerald, telling Tails, "Make sure this is in the hands of someone that knows how to _use_ it!" He held the Emerald tightly, making it glow brighter and brighter.

The main Metarex gazed at the shining Chaos Emerald. "It's _beautiful_!"

Indiana warned the heroes in the other carts, "Don't look at it. Shut your eyes, everyone. Don't look at it, no matter what happens!"

_How are they talking normally in moving minecarts?_

Soon the shine from the Chaos Emerald intensified, and to the Metarex the glow became frightful. "AAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAH!" he cried repeatedly. The Chaos Emerald shined even brighter, and then... the heroes were outside, safe and sound.

Cosmo looked around and asked, "What happened?"

"I used the Chaos Emerald's power to destroy the remaining Metarex and instantly take us outside." explained Sonic casually. "Now that _that's_ taken care of, we can finally relax! Hey, maybe we should bring the Chaos Emeralds along from now on, just so every battle is as easy as that one!"

All of a sudden, Knuckles dug his way above ground and poked his head out. "Don't worry, Tails and Cosmo! I'm here to save you!" He glanced at everyone outside, who were looking at him weirdly. "Why are you trapped down here, too? And why is it so bright here?"

The group looked around uneasily. "Uh, we're already outside. And we don't need to be rescued."

"WHAAAT?" shrieked Knuckles. "You mean my work was _useless_? AGAIN?"

"We were _going_ to call you later." said Chris. "But then we forgot..."

Knuckles scowled at the others, and then wriggled his way up. "Fine. You don't need my help, I guess I can just go back to the ship." He walked away from them, but then stopped to hiss, "Hal!"

Ben told the others, "I'd better go back inside, too. There's more to that Metarex info, clues you don't have, but I will. So I'll work on that, since I'm a treasure _protector_ after all."

"It's okay, Cosmo and I can work on it together." Tails told Ben with a wink to Cosmo. She sighed dreamily.

Indiana Jones stated, "And I will see to it that all the Chaos Emeralds belong to-"

"A museum. We get it."

Jones grumbled, "Alright, you got the idea."

But at that moment, a group of executives walked up to Indiana and began, "Dr. Jones, we'd like to have you join us in a new feature film!"

"Do I get to discover Atlantis?" asked Indy excitedly.

"Erm, no. You're not playing as yourself." replied one executive. "Instead, you'll be playing a colonel in our new movie, 'Cowboys & Aliens'."

"ALIENS?" gasped Indy. He tried running away, but the other executives grabbed him and restrained him from escaping.

"Don't worry, you'll be working with James Bond!" assured another executive.

Indy hesitated. "Which one?" he asked, hoping it'll be Sean Connery.

"Uh, whoever the new actor playing him is." answered the executive. "What's his name, oh! Daniel Craig."

"NOOOOOOO!" screamed Indiana in slow motion as the others pulled him away. The others laughed like a group in the ending of a cheesy episode.

Meanwhile, the Metarex leader read the report of the destroyed snake/mermen Metarex. "Heheheh, looks like that hedgehog took the bait after all! Yes, I knew those Metarex would fail, so I made sure he got that Chaos Emerald. And with that crazy doctor on my tail, too, I'll have every Chaos Emerald here! Hahaha! And I'll have all their money, too!"

_Why would he need their money?_

_To be rich, duh!_

The fireflies flew from the air duct and tried to teach the leader how to dance. "No! We already used the Owl City song reference!" shouted the leader before he clenched a firefly. He squished it, and the firefly made a squeak sound before it died. "Heheh, the little firefly went 'Squeak!'" chuckled the Metarex childishly.

* * *

><p><em>Hmm, I don't think I'll be able to keep up with my updating schedule. I mean, my own life wants me, so I just have to use every moment of spare time I could find to work on this. But don't worry! The next chapter will be up! Eventually!<em>


	11. Vacation SteakIn

_Are you telling your friends about this fanfic? Because that would be cool. Anyway, episode start!_

Episode 11: Vacation Steak-In

Dr. Eggman grinned mischieviously at his radar. "Huzzah! My radar has detected _one_ more Chaos Emerald!"

Rouge looked over his shoulder and stated, "Noooo, the radar is detecting the last _two_ Chaos Emeralds."

Eggman stared at Rouge and said, "Uh, no Rouge. There's one dot on the radar, so that means _one_ Chaos Emerald."

"But it's flashing between _two_ different colours." pointed out Rouge.

"Whatever!" snapped Eggman. "I'll be able to take however many Chaos Emeralds there are!"

"But it could only be _two_ Chaos Emeralds." spoke Bocoe.

Decoe added, "Yeah! Sonic has three, we have two, so if the radar dot has different colours..."

Eggman punched Decoe away as he shouted, "SILENCE! The point is that I'll be able to get another Chaos Emerald! And I'll get it before Sonic could! Ha! Who's faster now?"

Rouge giggled, "That's right, we'll be able to get another Chaos Emerald. Can I see the radar for a sec?" She reached for the radar controls and touched Eggman's hand.

"Rouge, you know I'm not playing your husband anymore." reminded Eggman. "Remember, I'm now the annoying ex and Shadow is your husband?"

"Oh yeah! Thanks for reminding me!" chirped Rouge as she quickly went to hold Shadow's hand.

"No! Wait! We can make an affair work!" Eggman cried. "Please don't leave me! I'm getting old, and my memory's losing! Oh, won't someone care for me?"

"Happy to do it, Dr. Eggman!" declared Bokkun as he landed beside him.

"Ugh, certainly not _you_." said Eggman in disgust. "You're a _flea_, remember?"

Bokkun stared sadly and spoke, "Oh yeah. I'm a flea." He hopped away from Eggman's seat and noticed Rouge glaring at him. Bokkun muttered, "Rouge is making me do crazy things, Eggman mistreats me, and now Shadow is stealing everyone's fame. What's my world coming to?"

Later, the Crimson Egg arrived at the location of the Chaos Emerald(s). The Crimson Egg was holding up a cardboard cutout of an asteroid as a disguise. "Hahaha! My disguise in ingenious!" bragged Dr. Eggman. "Now, we peek above the cutout to see the location..." Everyone sneaked above the cutout to see a moon-like object with glowing green lights.

"We came all this way for a moon?" spat Bokkun.

"That is no moon," Dr. Eggman stated ominiously. He made the Crimson Egg chip off a piece of the cutout and tossed the piece toward the base. Several guns instantly popped out and fired mercilessly at the piece. The guns continued firing non-stop, making everyone's ears hurt. Then the guns finally stopped. ...Then they started firing again at the remains of the cardboard. "This is the Metarex alright."

"How do we get past that?" cried Bocoe.

"What shall we do, Dr. Eggman?" asked Decoe.

"Hmm, I'm not sure." Eggman answered. "However, this gives me a good opportunity to get rid of some trash!" He went over to the garbage controls and unlocked the hatch. The Crimson Egg spewed out plenty of junk toward the base, which subsequently fired at the trash. "Heeheehee! It's fun watching the Metarex take care of my garbage in a cool way!"

Rouge scolded, "Shouldn't you be thinking of a plan already? It shouldn't be a problem since your IQ is 300!"

"But my plans to get rid of Sonic always _fail_." reminded Eggman. "Remember? That always happens? So whatever plan I come up with now will also probably fail."

Rouge then went to Bocoe and Decoe and growled at them, "Alright, twins! Your mother commands you to think of a plan, or else!" She threw the robots across the room and repeatedly kicked them.

"OWW! CHILD ABUSE!" shrieked Decoe and Bocoe.

Dr. Eggman watched Rouge forcefully make his robots think. _She's usually not this violent unless she wants a Chaos Emerald, _thought Eggman. _Maybe she wants to get the Chaos Emerald...s, and then leave me alone! And Shadow is her partner in crime!_ To make matters worse for him, Dr. Eggman looked behind him and saw the Blue Typhoon holding up a cardboard cutout of an asteroid. "What? Sonic! That son of a b**** stole my idea!"

Sonic glared at the Crimson Egg holding the asteroid cutout. "Eggman! He stole our idea!"

_It wasn't that much of a good idea to begin with..._

Tails observed the Crimson Egg and noted, "Whatever Eggman's plan is, it involves a lot of garbage."

"We have an incoming call from Dr. Eggman!" announced Chris.

"No! Don't pick it-" shouted Amy before Chris put Eggman on the video screen. "Hang up! Hang up!"

"Aw, Amy, don't you want to see Shadow?" asked Eggman as he moved aside to show Shadow in the background. After he got all the females' attention, Eggman continued, "Anyway, I have a job offer that I'd like to discuss with you."

"You got a workplace in the sweatshop for us?" Sonic said deadpan.

"Ohoho! You kid, Sonic! You kid me!" chortled the doctor. "AHEM! I know we've been arch-nemesises for several years! Wait, arch-nemesis_es_? Neme_si_? Nemes_en_?"

"The plural form of nemesis is nemes_es_." corrected Cream after looking it up in her dictionary.

"Whatever!" snapped Eggman. "Point is, the Metarex is now our common enemy! We both know that in that base they have a Chaos Emerald!"

"Actually they have two." cut in Tails.

"Nooo, they have one Chaos Emerald!" argued Dr. Eggman. "There's only one dot on my radar!"

"That's what I thought too, until I noticed it alternated between two colours, Cyan and Yellow." spoke Tails.

Eggman spat, "WHATEVER! If we work together, we can get to the Chaos Emerald...s, defeat the Metarex and get back our Planet Egg! And since there are two Chaos Emeralds, I suppose we can share the Emeralds, one for me and one for you?"

"No way! Winner takes all!" Sonic declared boastfully.

"Sheesh, this is how a hero treats a reasonable offer?"

"Look, I'm supposed to be on vacation!" objected Sonic. "And on vacation, I get to behave how I want! And I want _both_ Chaos Emeralds!"

"Fine. So I assume you want in on my plan?" inquired Eggman.

"Don't do it! It's a trap!" cried Cream with Admiral Ackbar.

"You won't be fooled again, right Knuckles?" asked Amy.

Knuckles pointed at himself and stammered, "Me? Um, of course I learned my lesson already!"

"...I didn't know you could stick a finger out from a mitten." remarked Chris.

"Never mind the improbabilities." interrupted Sonic. "How about we'll make Eggman _think_ we've fallen in his trap?"

"And what happens if we actually _do_ fall in his trap?" inquired Amy.

"Then... we're screwed." said Sonic. "But at least I'll have a chance to get every Chaos Emerald back in one night! And then I'll redeem myself and save everyone quickly! Yay for me! Wow, this is going to be a short season."

Chris called to Eggman, "Okay! We're going along with your plan!"

"Good!" answered Eggman. "Now, I'll be sending in Shadouge- I mean, Shadow and Rouge!"

Rouge protested, "Why me?"

"Because you need to spend more time with Shadow!" replied Eggman. "He is your pretend husband, after all!"

Rouge thought, _Dr. Eggman must think I want the Chaos Emeralds myself, so he wants to get rid of me! ...Then again, I _did_ want to be with Shadow for a while..._ "Fine, I'll go with Shadow."

Dr. Eggman widened his eyes and smiled creepily. "Thank you for joining, heheh."

"Please don't make the 'rape face' in front of me." said Rouge annoyed.

Tails remarked, "Shadow can use Chaos Control, and they'll be able to shut down the defense system from inside. And Rouge can distract the guards- I mean, fight off the guards along the way!"

Eggman grinned and responded, "Precisely! But I need another person to tag along with the two. Someone that wouldn't mind working with a hot bat and a handsome hedgehog."

Amy expressed, "Count me out! I'd like to work with Shadow, but I can't stand Rouge." She coughed, "Slut!" Rouge scowled at Amy.

Knuckles spoke up, "I don't mind Rouge _that_ much, but still she gets annoying and Shadow might pose a bit of competition, if you know what I mean."

"Maybe we should play 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' to decide." suggested Cream.

"I can go with them." volunteered Chris. "Indiana Jones said I needed to be more awesome, so this is my chance!"

"But I still want to play 'Rock, Paper, Scissors'!" groaned Cream.

"But I'm the only one volunteering!" pointed out Chris.

Cream flew up to Chris and snapped furiously, "Listen! We're going to play 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' whether you like it or not! You go that? Now let's play!" She then whispered to everyone else, "Everyone play Paper!"

The group assembled and shouted, "Rock, paper, scissors!" Chris played Rock, while everyone else played Paper.

"You lose! You have to go with them!" announced Cream as she pushed Chris toward the extending bridge to the Crimson Egg.

Later, in the Chaos Control pod, Chris handed Shadow two rings (even though Chris was only given one). "Here are your power donuts. Actually, they're energy rings, but they look like donuts sometimes."

Shadow gasped, "You stole my stuff!"

"Uh, no! You took them off, remember?"

"Why would I do that?" challenged Shadow.

"So you'd have a brief burst of ultimate power!" Chris explained.

"Well maybe I want to _keep_ having ultimate power!"

"But you'll have to take frequent naps!"

"I like my naps!" defended Shadow. "They make me feel warm and cozy..."

Rouge pointed to herself and objected, "Warm and cozy is right here!"

Chris sighed, "Just put them on."

Shadow grabbed the rings, but then sniffed them. "I smell the remains of a teardrop... And I wouldn't cry on my own stuff... and this tear smells like 12-year-old-boy type!"

"Okay! I cried on your ring after I thought you died!" admitted Chris.

"WHAT? You cried on my stuff!" shouted Shadow. He quickly got out a disinfectant and sprayed all over the rings. Shadow then took out his personal hankie and vigorously wiped the rings until they squeaked with cleanliness. "Good, the tear is no more." he said before putting the rings back on his wrists. Shadow took out his Red Chaos Emerald and held Rouge very close.

"Ooh!" gulped Rouge with a brief blush.

Shadow declared, "Chaos CONTROL!"

"Wait! I have to go with you!" yelled Chris as he lunged toward Shadow and Rouge. He was caught in the Chaos Control and disappeared with them.

Meanwhile, in the Blue Typhoon's ship hold, the heroes were preparing the X Tornado and Amy's ship for launch. Tails brought in the three Chaos Emeralds they had and announced, "We can use these Chaos Emeralds to make our ships go faster!"

"Wait wait wait, hold up!" interrupted Sonic. "Remember what I said at the end of last episode? That I should use the Chaos Emeralds everywhere I go to make every battle easy?"

Tails corrected, "Your exact words were, 'Hey, maybe we should bring the Chaos Emeralds along from now on, just so every battle is as easy as that one!' But you didn't say anything about _you_ having to use the Chaos Emeralds yourself! You just said we should bring them along."

"I was _implying_ that I was gonna use the Chaos Emeralds!" protested Sonic. "You have to listen for what is _implied_!"

"Sorry, we're still using the Chaos Emeralds to increase our speed." said Tails as he gave Sonic the Blue and White Emeralds and Amy the Green Emerald. "After all, you're supposed to be all about speed! And if there's anything that old-time Sonic fans want back, it's the speed."

"Speed from _me_, not a ship." grumbled Sonic as he reluctantly placed the Emeralds inside the X Tornado.

At that moment, Bocoe, Decoe, and Dr. Eggman walked into the ship hold. As they were marching toward the ships, Decoe and Bocoe chanted, "GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY!" Everyone else laughed out loud.

Cream giggled, "Why, HAHA! Are you, hahaha! Saying that? Hahahaha!"

"None of your business!" snapped Eggman.

_So, that weird chant is never gonna be explained? What the heck?_

The doctor studied the ships closely, and while he was doing so Decoe and Bocoe secretly attached a radio antenna to both ships. "I'm just here to check up on my competition." claimed Eggman. "At least, it wouldn't be a competition in the first place if _Sonic_ wasn't so greedy!"

"Life of a hero." sighed Sonic calmly. Dr. Eggman saw that both ships had his special antenna and Decoe and Bocoe were finished.

"Well, I have a feeling this race is going to be in control!" snickered Dr. Eggman. "We're off! See ya at the Chaos Emeralds!"

As they marched away, Bocoe and Decoe again chanted, "GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY!"

Amy laughed, "I don't get the chant at all! It's still funny! Hahaha!"

Knuckles finally stopped himself from laughing and he told the others, "Now we wait for Chris, Rouge, and... that _other_ hedgehog to shut down the defense. ...Hey, remember when Decoe and Bocoe just chanted 'GAY GAY GAY' over and over again? HAHAHAHA!" Everyone else was silent.

"The funny moment's over." Sonic told him flatly.

Inside the Metarex base, the three volunteers sneaked through several hallways and avoided the new type of Metarex: a clothespin-dinosaur. "Lousy set of office supplies." grumbled Rouge. "Let's go!" She and Chris ran across the corridor and around a corner, but then Shadow appeared in front of them.

"Yes, stop and stare at my awesomeness." said Shadow as he saw Chris smile in amazement.

Rouge thought, _I have to get away from these two. Chris can't seem to do anything important, and Shadow is full of himself! Even if he is my type, I must get the Chaos Emeralds before him!_ She suggested, "Maybe we should split up."

"No, Rouge!" Shadow answered despondently. "You've been my wife for... a few weeks, and now you want a divorce?"

"No, I mean we should explore on our own." corrected Rouge.

"I can change! I'll be the ultimate life-form _and_ the ultimate husband!" pleaded Shadow.

Rouge continued thinking, _Oh, Shadow is so sweet! Wait, what if Eggman is just making him be like this just so I won't get away? But Shadow's so hot, even from behind! Okay, I'll just _confuse_ him for a moment. _Rouge spoke loudly to Chris, "Hey, remember last time the three of us used Chaos Control?"

"Rouge, why are you talking so loud?" asked Chris.

Rouge ignored Chris' question and continued, "We used it to escape the island Sonic was on!"

Shadow's eyes widened and he mentally gasped, _I saved _SONIC_? Why would I ever do that?_

"I'm asking you again, why are you talking loudly?" repeated Chris.

Rouge went on, "And then we went to the Space Coloney Ark where we learned about Ma-Ri-A!"

Shadow shouted, "Maria? Mariaaa! MARIAAAAAAAAAAAA!" He spazzed out and dropped to the floor in a seizure.

"I'll help you Shadow!" declared Chris as he went down toward Shadow. He then noticed Rouge fleeing the scene. "Hey! Why are you abandoning Shadow?"

Rouge soared down another hallway and she sighed to herself, "I hate breaking his heart like that. But, you know how it is." But then, she stopped in front of several clothespin dinosaurs roaring at her. "Outta the way, paper clips!" Rouge shot at one Metarex, but she got caught in its clothespin mouth. Then it shook her wildly. "Stop shaking me like a doll! I'm not a blow-up!" Fortunately, a golden beam fired through all the Metarex, obliterating them and freeing Rouge.

Shadow reappeared in front of Rouge and stated, "It's too dangerous to go alone! Take me!"

"...How did you recover from your seizure?" inquired Rouge.

"_I_ saved him, no thanks to _you_!" Chris answered angrily. "Now come on, the main controls are here!" He hurried inside and studied the computers while Shadow and Rouge waited for something to happen. "I can easily shut down the defense system here!"

"_Or_, we can destroy the power capsules _together_." suggested Shadow with a wink to Rouge. She sighed dreamily before she screw-kicked a capsule and made it explode. Shadow used Swift- I mean, that Chaos move on the other capsules to destroy them.

"Yes, that can work too." said Chris before contacting Sonic. "All right! The shield is down! And they won't fire at us!"

"That's my cue! Gotta go fast!" exclaimed Sonic, who was in the cockpit of the X Tornado with Knuckles behind him. Amy and Cosmo were in Amy's ship at the same time.

"Take care of Cosmo, okay Amy?" ordered Tails.

"Yes... take _care_ of her." snickered Amy, making Cosmo uneasy. The ships then took off quickly (since they didn't start from the slow-moving platform) as Tails, Cream, and Cheese waved them goodbye.

"Goodbye! Good luck on the raid!" cheered Cream. Once the ships were out of view, Cream slyly asked Tails, "Uh, now that we're alone... can we, you know..."

"No, Cream! I choose Cosmo!" rebuked Tails.

Cream froze and she whimpered, "I just wanted us to read a book together..." She ran away in tears, and Cheese slapped Tails before following her.

"...Eh, at least I have Cosmo." stated Tails before lounging in his chair.

_Tails is still a jerk... And Cosmo _still_ likes him?_

At the Crimson Egg, Decoe and Bocoe with Dr. Eggman declared, "The race has started! To the Egg Mobile!" Cheesy Batman music played as the three climbed into the vehicle and took off after the two ships.

"Go go Eggman, go go!" chanted Bokkun as he waved his arms like a cheerleader. Once that ship was out of view, he sighed, "I'm in for a world of hurt once Eggman finds out I'm working for Rouge."

The three struggled to breathe in the small pod. "Move over!" grunted Decoe.

Bocoe noticed Eggman's 'helmet' and asked, "Uh, Doctor, how can you breathe out here?"

"I have a helmet, obviously!" answered Dr. Eggman.

"That's a fishbowl." pointed out Decoe.

"It's still works the same!" snapped Eggman.

"It's not connected to an oxygen tank." added Bocoe.

Eggman scowled at the two of them, then growled, "Fine! I'll remove it, since it's so confusing to you!" He yanked off the fishbowl, only to have his head instantly frozen.

"...Ohhh, it _does_ work." spoke Bocoe. He picked up the fishbowl but Decoe stopped him.

"Here's an idea, let's _not_ revive Eggman." suggested Decoe. Bocoe quickly agreed and they continued riding in the Egg Mobile.

Soon the X Tornado, Amy's ship, and the Egg Mobile went through the outer layer of the base. "Man, I'm starving! I should've eaten before we left!" groaned Sonic.

Knuckles gazed into the White Chaos Emerald and mumbled, "You're speaking to me... where are your friends?"

"Are you being crazy again?" asked Sonic.

"No I'm not! It _is_ speaking to me!" protested Knuckles. "And it's telling me to go... left!"

"Sorry, Hal's giving us the directions." stated Sonic. "So you're pointless."

Knuckles clenched Sonic's shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"You're the one talking to a rock." pointed out Sonic. He left Knuckles to gawk as Sonic saw an entrance marked, 'This way to the fabulous Metarex Steak-in!' "Steak? STEAK! I wanna have steak!" cried Sonic maniacally as he turned sharply into the entrance. "Steaksteaksteaksteak!"

"Whooooaaa! SoooOOOooniiIIIIiiiic!" groaned Knuckles as Sonic flew the plane all over the place.

"What's Sonic doing?" Amy asked as she saw the X Tornado fly around weirdly. "Well, if that's the way to go..." Amy then moved her wheel up and down in the same motion as Sonic, causing Cosmo to get airsickness.

"Please, stop. Oh, make it stop! Oh!" she groaned while clutching her stomach.

Eggman mused perplexed, "That's strange, I'm not controlling their ships yet..."

Decoe turned to Eggman and gasped, "We thought you were frozen!"

"...I got better." answered Eggman.

_Another Monty Python line? Uh, it's not as funny if it's not for someone that seemed to have died._

"And since you didn't put the fishbowl back on, I'm going to smack you." added Dr. Eggman.

Bocoe reminded, "It was your fault for taking it off in the first pla- OWCH!"

"Decoe, you next?" inquired Dr. Eggman as he creepily looked at the other robot. Decoe rapidly shook his head left and right. "Good. Now, let's have some fun with my new R/C toys!" He pulled out a simple two-lever radio controller and adjusted the frequency reception to Amy's ship. Dr. Eggman then giggled like a little boy as he made Amy's ship fly corkscrews and other air tricks. "Heeheehee! These are the best toys I ever gave to myself! Oh, I'm so happy."

Sonic observed the sign ahead and read, "Hmm, 'Do not enter'... Well I don't care about rules! I want steak RAW!" He pushed to full throttle and raced through the gateway, just in time to hold back Knuckles' vomit.

Cosmo's eyes went swirly and she cried, "I thought you weren't following Sonic anymore!"

"I'm not doing this!" objected Amy before her ship dove and crashed to the floor.

Dr. Eggman wailed childishly, "Noooo! My toy is bwoken!"

"I thought that was the point." snapped Decoe.

"But I only had a few seconds pwaying wif it!" whimpered Eggman.

_Really? Eggman is suddenly like a whiny brat? That's what he's reduced to now?_

Bocoe sighed, "Learn to take proper care of your toys next time." The Egg Mobile caught up to the remains of Amy's ship, and both Amy and Cosmo stumbled out.

"Ohohoho! Now that you're down, the Green Chaos Emerald is mine!" cackled Dr. Eggman as he swiped the Chaos Emerald from Cosmo's hands. "See ya at the finish line, losers! Bahahaha!"

_Okay, now Eggman is back to his 'normal' self. What, does _he_ have split-personality disorder too?_

Amy steamed, "Ooooh, I HATE it when he does that!"

"Hate is okay..." Cosmo reminded herself quietly.

The entrance ahead closed. "Drat! I've lost Sonic now!" groaned Amy. "Sonic! You better save some steak for me! We haven't had a romantic dinner in... ever!"

Meanwhile, the X Tornado flew out of the tunnel and inside a cylindrical shaft. "Amy's ship didn't make it!" Knuckles gasped. "I hope Cosmo is alright..."

"Relax, Knuckles." sighed Sonic. "We'll take care of them on the way back. Right now the steak is our top priority."

"I thought the Chaos Emerald was the top priority." said Knuckles.

"We'll get the Chaos Emerald in the souvenir shop after dessert!" Sonic snapped as he flew the X Tornado upward. Above them, a swarm of Metarex Meta Ridleys swooped toward them. "Hmm, _Meta_rex _Meta_ Ridleys? Seems too... _meta_. Oh well, looks like I'm going back to the ol' ramming technique!" The X Tornado accelerated and ripped through several Meta Ridleys, some of which plummeted on the Egg Mobile.

"Aah! Corpses!" shrieked Decoe as he quickly brushed Metarex pieces into the darkness below.

Bocoe gazed down and asked, "What could be down there?"

"It's a bottomless pit. Sonic knows his share of those things." answered Dr. Eggman through his fishbowl.

At the same time, Shadow shot his Chaos powers at more clothespin Metarex, exploding them epicly. "Yeah, I deserve this moment of me." Shadow stated as he ran through the smoke with Rouge.

Chris ran after them and shouted, "Hey! Wait for me! I can't see through all this smoke, you know!"

Back at the X Tornado, Knuckles declared, "I AM USEFUL!" He punched multiple Meta Ridleys in succession and strangled others. "Yeah! Can HAL do _this_?" Knuckles crumpled up another Metarex and tossed it aside. "Hoo! I am _good_!"

"Stop bragging, Knuckles. That's for Shadow to do." ordered Dr. Eggman as his pod caught up with the X Tornado.

Sonic and Knuckles saw what Eggman was wearing. "Eggman's wearing a..." Sonic tried stifling his laughter, but he soon broke out. "FISHBOWL! HAHAHA! Fishbowl head!"

Knuckles chuckled, "Wow, first Decoe and Bocoe's 'GAY' march, and now _this_! Oh man, I'm tearing up. I didn't know you could be so funny! Bwahahaha!"

Eggman scowled at them and announced, "_Anywaaaay_, the Chaos Emerald should be up there."

Sonic answered, "Hope you're not too hungry, 'cause we're having steak first!" The X Tornado sped ahead of the Egg Mobile and higher up.

Dr. Eggman hissed, "_You_ having steak first? Noo, _I_ shall have steak first! After I play with my new toy!" He picked up his radio controller and adjusted the frequency to Sonic's ship. Eggman then giddily used his controller to make the X Tornado do a U-turn.

"Sonic? Why are you turning around?" cried Knuckles.

"Knuckles, have you _seen_ me turn back from steak before?" pointed out Sonic. The X Tornado then spiralled around and around. "AAAAAAH! At least my driving wasn't _this_ bad!" groaned Sonic as he held on to an armrest. Soon the X Tornado swooped around and then orbited Eggman's pod. "A remote control? You turned the X Tornado into an R/C toy!"

"Exactly!" exclaimed Eggman happily as he made the X Tornado rotate violently. When it stopped, Sonic and Knuckles were too dizzy to do anything. "Now, the Chaos Emeralds!" Bocoe and Decoe grabbed their fishing poles and used them to reel in the two Chaos Emeralds.

"Quick question: how does the fishing pole grab the Choas Emerald?" asked Bocoe.

"With the hook, of course!" spat Dr. Eggman.

"But there's nothing for the hook to grab onto." pointed out Decoe.

"Who cares? I have all the Chaos Emeralds!" cackled Dr. Eggman as he grabbed the Blue and White Chaos Emeralds. "Oh Sonic, maybe I should take your steak idea and go to the Steak-in! More steak for me!" Eggman pushed the Egg Mobile forward, leaving Sonic and Knuckles behind.

Knuckles and Sonic glared at each other for a moment before Knuckles snapped, "I _knew_ we shouldn't trust Eggman, but _noooo_, you wanted him to _think_ we've fallen in his trap! In fact, I'm starting to think he was listening in on us when we were talking about it."

"Ain't that the truth!" laughed Eggman from above. Right after that, the X Tornado started falling down the shaft.

Sonic peeked out at the darkness and figured, "Hey, maybe there's some steak bay down there!"

"You IMBECILE!" shrieked Knuckles as he threw his fist back and then launched it at Sonic. Very hard. In fact, so hard that Sonic was knocked out of the X Tornado and headed straight up to the Egg Mobile.

Dr. Eggman held up the three Chaos Emeralds victoriously and declared, "I HAVE THE CHAOOOOOS!" But then a blue streak went by his hands and the Emeralds disappeared. Eggman felt for the Chaos Emeralds for a second. "...What was that?" To answer him, the blue streak crashed into the wall of the shaft and then plummeted on top of the Egg Mobile.

Sonic rose his head up and replied hoarsely, "That was me... after taking an epic punch from Knuckles."

Knuckles heard that and welled, "He called my punch epic... I AM EPIC! WOOOOT!11!11!1"

Sonic stared at Knuckles below and said, "...Okay..." He held up the three Chaos Emeralds, making Eggman and his robots tremble. "Oh, you know what happens when I have three Emeralds, eh?"

"Okay! Spare us from the instant-death power!" pleaded Dr. Eggman. "You can have the steak! Just make me live to eat steak another day! And I'll pay for it too!"

Sonic glared at Eggman suspiciously, then agreed, "Fine. Give me, uh, 80 bucks." Dr. Eggman reluctantly pulled out his wallet and handed Sonic the money. "Good, you gave me extra for the tip. Now, bye bye!" Sonic used the Chaos Emerald power to suck out all the energy from the Egg Mobile. As Sonic leaped to the top of the shaft, Eggman's pod fell down. But at the last second, a long robotic arm caught on to some pipes that stuck out of the wall.

"That's why my vehicles always have a mechanical arm." Dr. Eggman stated proudly as Decoe and Bocoe kept holding him tightly. "...You can let go of me now." Bocoe and Decoe instantly did so.

"Well well well, if it isn't Robotnik the Egg." Knuckles called from below them. Apparently the X Tornado landed on more pipes. "Thank the plumbers for all these unneccessary pipes! Huh, perhaps Mario isn't so bad after all..."

"Oh, I thank the plumbers too!" Eggman quickly claimed.

Knuckles stared at Eggman suspiciously and asked, "Oh yeah? Well too bad. Plumber-Appreciation won't save you from me." He proceeded to warm up for his Epic Punch.

Meanwhile, Sonic arrived at the very top of the shaft. There weren't any customers around. "More steak for me!" There weren't any tables or chairs. "More steak for me!" There wasn't any food of any kind. "More steak for me?" whimpered Sonic. But then, Sonic started hearing a peppy melody. "Oh no, I know what theme _that_ is..."

Suddenly, Amy's hammer broke through the wall and cleared the way for her fixed ship. "Sonic! I've finally found you! Now we can feed each other steak _romantically_!" She went over to hug Sonic, proceeding to Sonic's back cracking.

"Ow! I think you broke my spine..." grumbled Sonic. After Amy finally let go of Sonic, Cosmo walked over to where the Yellow Chaos Emerald was kept. "Fine, we can go look in the souvenir shop first."

"What are you talking about? This isn't a gift shop." pointed out Cosmo.

"It might as well be." said Sonic as he went up to the capsule. "I guess Dr. Eggman was right about there only being one Chaos Emerald. Aww, I thought we would end the series _here_."

"Uh, what's that?" asked Cosmo as she pointed to what looked like a Planet Egg shaped like a light-up bouncy toy.

Tails spoke in the communicator, "Maybe they're using that thing in order to use the energy of the Chaos Emeralds. Or it could actually be a giant light-up bouncy toy." He looked down from his seat and asked, "Cream, are you still sad?" Cream and Cheese walked away from Tails to the front of the Blue Typhoon. "...You didn't answer me."

"Ahem! Giant toy here!" called Sonic. "This is confusing: first the Steak-in has no food, the gift shop has no price tags, and there's only a Chaos Emerald and a big bouncy toy! I'm starting to think this was a trap."

"You got _that_ right!" laughed a new, dark voice. Sonic and Amy turned around to face the Metarex leader.

"_Finally_, some service!" Sonic said as he walked up to him. "Now Mr. Metarex, I'd like my steak to be medium-rare. You know, just rare enough for it to be soft."

The Metarex shouted, "THE STEAK IS A LIE!"

"NOOOOOOOO!" wailed Sonic. He looked up and said, "Waaaaiiit, I remember you! You're that Darth Vadar ripoff! Yeah, I still remember your red lightsaber!"

"That's right, though I didn't get to _use_ it since you failed by yourself." reminded the Metarex. "Now, I am _not_ Darth Vadar, _nor_ Megatron. I am Dark Oak."

"Is it because you roast your steaks on oak wood?" inquired Sonic.

"Will you forget about the steaks?" snapped Dark Oak. Behind him the Metarex soldiers assembled into formation. "And now that you've fallen into my trap, my army of Metarex Kabutops-"

"Wait, I thought they were Daleks." interrupted Amy.

"Well now they'll be Kabutops!" declared Dark Oak. "Though that defeats the science fiction reference, I just realize now that they're more fitting for a Pokémon reference. As if there wasn't enough..." He glanced over to Cosmo.

"I'm NOT A KIRLIA!" spat Cosmo.

Dark Oak stated firmly, "Don't talk back to me, young lady. That is no way to speak to your father." Cosmo just stared confused. "Oh. Crap. You're not supposed to know that yet. Um, just forget that part, everybody! Tooootally not important! Hehehehe, uh Cosmo, help."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Good! Good! Go with that! Obliterate them!" ordered Dark Oak.

_Okay, so we're supposed to forget about that reveal? Now it's spoiled!_

_Don't worry, dramatic irony doesn't need to be in a fridge!_

_...What?_

_You said the reveal was spoiled._

Shadow stopped and breathed, "I sense something is in danger... The Chaos Emeralds!" He hurried down a hallway with Rouge and Chris chasing him.

Sonic glanced at the approaching army. "Uh, can we delay this fight until Shadow gets here? I mean, I'm good with the Chaos Emeralds, but, uh, Shadow is the master! Yeah, just wait and _try_ all your attacks on Shadow! It'll be safer to take him out first."

"No, that wouldn't be as fun." stated Dark Oak. "I figure it's time I defeat you in a fair fight. Kabutops! Use Ancientpower!"

* * *

><p><em>Cliffhanger! Will Sonic be able to finish the season early? Of course not, but it'll be funny to see him attempt to do so. So stay tuned!<em>


	12. Super Metarex Bros Melee

_You know, for this episode I looked up Super Smash Bros. Melee videos, and all the memories came back to me. So now it's time to put those memories to good use. Enjoy!_

Episode 12: Super Metarex Bros. Melee

The SEGA logo appears briefly on the screen, before cutting to a Sonic trophy flung into the air.

_Wait, what? What is going on?_

_Just watch. Er, read. I mean, listen._

The Sonic trophy falls right-side up in an ancient arena, and light comes from beneath it. Cut to a line of text: "Sonic All-Stars in". Then the trophy's light rises over it, making Sonic come to life. He takes a combat stand as in front of him Dark Oak holds his sword for battle. Split-second title: "Super Metarex Bros. Melee". Sonic and Dark Oak lunge toward each other, along with Cream and Charmy. Shatter-wipe transition to Amy moving her arms gracefully, then multiple Sonics each showing off an attack. Behind them Dr. Eggman stands up with a background of fire. Cut to Knuckles running through the jungle. He leaps up high, then moves close to the screen with a grin. Switch to Rouge shooting at a Metarex Meta Ridley, then shooting toward the screen. A background of Seedrian history pans as still images of Dark Oak with his sword appear. Then his hand, Cosmo's hand, and another Metarex hand cross over each other. A stampede of Chaos run over the image and Cheese looks around at the front. Cut to Decoe leaping on top of ice blocks. He trips and is about to fall, but Bocoe grabs his hand. They both have cheerful eyes. Switch to multiple gameplay footages featuring Sam Speed, Rouge, Tails, Charmy, Amy, Decoe and Bocoe, Knuckles, Cream, Cheese, Chris, Cosmo, and Dark Oak. Sparkly fade to Cosmo playing a harp, then looking longingly to the starry skies. In the sky Charmy flies around clumsily, followed by Tails shooting in his X Tornado admist other fighter planes. He briefly passes by Shadow's fighter jet. Cut to Chris speeding down the street from a portal, then stopping to turn around and smile. Switch to an army of other characters with Cream and Vanilla in the front. Bokkun peeks into the shot with a smile. Cut to Sam Speed in his car bumping into Big in his car. Sam pushes Big's car out of control. As Sam's car soars off a ramp, Big has a shocked expression while his car plummets in an explosion. Quick fade to multiple fighters sucked in a vortex. Cut to Dr. Eggman landing in a pillar of lightning, then Sonic, Amy, and Cheese bracing themselves. Switch to Dark Oak, Cosmo, and Cosmo again about to play instruments. Cut to Knuckles being shocked by electricity. Switch to Chris looking at Decoe and Bocoe in a friendship bond. Brief scene of Charmy and Cream running, followed by another scene of the Blue Typhoon, Rouge's ship, and Sam Speed's car going in the same direction. Split-second of a television bomb about to go off, then cut to a single line of text: "[Get Ready]". An explosion knocks out several character trophies in the air.

The announcer declares, "Super Metarex Bros. !"

_...What was _that_ about?_

_That's the promotional intro for SEGA's new game! It'll make BILLIONS!_

_Billions will be _lost_ if Nintendo and HAL Laboratory win the lawsuit._

_What are you talking about? This is just the new incarnation of Sonic Battle!_

_Uh-huh... And how does this relate to what _supposedly_ happened in the Metarex wars?_

_This episode is what _inspired_ this game! Just sit back and listen well!_

_I've been trying to do that since the start._

On the Metarex base, Dark Oak commanded his army, "Kabutops! Use Ancientpower!"

"Wait!" interrupted Sonic.

"Oh, what _is_ it?" groaned Dark Oak. "Is it something about the steak again? Because it's not funny! 'Cause there's no steak! Got it?"

"No, I was just telling you that we need to wait for the countdown!" Sonic told him.

"...Fine." Dark Oak grumbled. "Announcer, countdown please."

The announcer shouted, "3! 2! 1! GO!"

"Ancientpower!" ordered Dark Oak. The Metarex Kabutops all at once used a prehistoric power to throw several rocks at Sonic. Soon, Sonic was brutally covered in rocks.

"OW! OWohoho! Hey!" screamed Sonic while being pelted in rocks. "No fair! The Pokémon from the Poké Ball item are invincible! Though I don't recall Kabutops ever being inside one of them."

"These Metarex aren't supposed to be like the Poké Ball item," claimed Dark Oak. "They're just _like_ Pokémon. And if I'm correct, 10% of the Metarex's stats should be raised." Just as Dark Oak predicted, some of the Metarex had all of their stats raised by one stage. "Now, EXTERMINATE Sonic!" The Metarex piled on Sonic and repeatedly attacked him, raising his damage percentage quickly to 64%. "Ah, if we Knock-Off Sonic now, we'll get the 'KO 64' special bonus."

Because of Sonic's high damage percentage, he was flung farther with every hit. "I'm not in a _regular_ Melee. I was tricked into playing _CRUEL_ Melee! Only with Kabutops replacing the steroid wireframes!"

"_Now_ you figure it out." smirked Dark Oak. But then to his surprise, Sonic began rolling to dodge attacks. Then he jumped over the edge of the floor, making some Metarex follow him. Then Sonic mid-air jumped backward and did another lunge to the opposite edge. This herded some Metarex toward him. Sonic did a smash attack to knock them off far enough for them to not be able to come back.

"At least Cruel Melee isn't _entirely_ impossible." stated Sonic while trying to catch his breath. "Now, to strangle you by your extremely long armpit hair!" Sonic sped to Dark Oak and reached for his 'armpit' hair. But then Sonic moved right through Dark Oak! "He was a hologram all along? Lousy coward!"

"Watch your head, Sonic!" cautioned Cosmo. "It's getting bigger every time we see you!"

More Metarex descended from glowing platforms and dropped through to attack Sonic. Dark Oak's voice boomed, "So you might have mastered Cruel Melee, but can you still survive in _Endless_ Melee?"

"Wait, I still didn't get to defeat 20 of your Metarex!" exclaimed Sonic.

"...You _want_ to defeat more Cruel Kabutops?" questioned Dark Oak.

Sonic explained, "I heard a rumour that if one defeats 20 Cruel Kabutops Metarex, then I'll have to fight Mario and Luigi from their series, and if I win, I'll unlock them!"

"That was an old April Fool's joke." grumbled Dark Oak. "It's been disproved. Trust me."

Sonic spat, "I couldn't trust you with the steak-"

"Your head is getting larger!" cried Amy.

"...Okaaay..." Sonic said perplexed. "Hold on, if we're switching to Endless Melee now, does that mean I get to use items?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Sweet!" cheered Sonic. "I can't wait to blast several Metarex with a Smart Bomb!"

"Sorry, that's only in Super Metarex Bros. _Brawl_." reminded Dark Oak.

"Aww man!" Sonic groaned. A stick with two red balls and a pivot in the center appeared. "I guess I'll make due with this nunchuk thing!"

"It's a flipper!" corrected Amy.

"Whatever." Sonic flung the flipper at the Metarex, but it stopped in mid-air before them. "Huh? No fair! How does that help me stop them?" The Metarex charged after Sonic, but they bumped into the flipper which knocked them away. "Eh, still sucks."

Meanwhile, Knuckles avoided the rain of Metarex and made his way toward Dr. Eggman. "Alright Eggman. It's time to KO you! And here it means Knock-Off! As in knock you off this pod and down to the pit below!"

"You don't have to explain the abbreviation." grumbled Decoe. Knuckles loomed closer menacingly.

Bocoe pleaded, "Come on! Don't hurt us! We both need to save our ships!"

Knuckles challenged, "Okay, _which _ships are you interested in?"

Decoe and Bocoe hesitated, then nervously answered, "Well, we were interested in Sonamy for a while... a-and Topaka! As in Topaz and Mr. Tanaka, yeah. Uh, Eggman, you got anymore?"

Dr. Eggman added, "Well, I was _starting_ to like... Shadouge..."

"SHADOUGE?" yelled Knuckles as he waved his fist to charge for a Giant Punch. "You're supposed to be for _Knuxouge_!"

"Uh, if you don't like _that_ ship," stammered Eggman. "Then there's also Tailsmo! I like _that_ ship!"

Knuckles clenched Eggman's shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"J-just let me wriggle free," sputtered Eggman. "_Don't_ throw me in _any_ direction." But before Knuckles could, the shaft starting shaking, making Knuckles unable to stand. "Ugh! It's like someone threw a Poké Ball item, released a Togepi using Metronome, and then the Metronome move chose Earthquake!"

Eggman boasted, "If I were in my Giga form, I wouldn't be affected by it!"

Knuckles glared at Dr. Eggman. "You have a Giga form?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yep! But only if you complete Adventure Mode on Normal or higher in 18 minutes or fewer."

Knuckles ignored Eggman's claim and contacted Tails. "Tails, what's going on out there?"

Tails answered, "There's a Metarex ship coming at us at 6 o'clock!"

Cream gasped, "More are coming! One at 12 o'clock, another at 3, and another at 9!"

"Why are you telling me all these times?" Knuckles said frustrated.

At the same time, Chris, Shadow, and Rouge watched the Metarex fleet come in. Chris remarked, "Either we unlocked a new stage, or the Metarex are coming to kill us."

Shadow's communicator started ringing, and he groaned, "Ugh, I'll pick it up."

Eggman spoke, "Yeah, Shadow, quick change of plans: we decided you can't be in Super Metarex Bros. Melee. You'll have to wait for Brawl."

"WHAT? Outrageous!" snapped Shadow. "Next you'll be telling me I'll only be an Assist Trophy in that game!"

"No time for arguing!" interrupted Dr. Eggman. "You have to leave now! Besides, we fell for the Metarex's obvious trap, so you should get out while you can! At least so you'll be able to appear in the new game at _all_."

"No way! I can take them on!" Shadow responded angrily. "If Sonic can survive Cruel Melee, I can pwn it by a thousand times!"

Outside, a red Metarex declared, "Listen well, all of you! My name is Red King!"

"Your name isn't Red King!" growled Dark Oak's voice. "It is Red _Pine_, because you have a pinecone for a brain, you pine brat!"

"Fine, _master_." replied Red Pine begrudgingly. "I, Red Pine, am one of the four Metarex kings. We'll make our future appearance in Brawl to replace the Kabutops Metarex in Multi-Man mode! But now, you've brought all the Chaos Emeralds in one place! And since you only thought of fighting each other, we'll easily grab them all and finish the season with _us_ winning!"

Dr. Eggman sat in shock. He held his communicator up to his mouth and spoke, "Bokkun, start the Crimson Egg engines. Shadow, get out of here!"

"Ohhhhhh no!" spat Knuckles. "You're not going to get away without me doing my Epic Giant Punch!" He shook his fist backward, charging for the Giant Punch. "Finally, all charged up." Knuckles spoke as he felt steam coming from his head. He threw his fist with a "POW!" But Knuckles noticed the Egg Mobile fly away. "No fair! Their energy was supposed to be drained!" Knuckles hurried down to the X Tornado and grumbled, "I don't even know how to fly this thing. Maybe if a Barrel Cannon fell down here I can launch myself up before it disappears."

Meanwhile Shadow reluctantly sighed, "Fine, I'll go back to the Crimson Egg."

As Shadow ran off, Rouge hurried after him shouting, "Wait! We're _not_ getting the Chaos Emeralds? NOO!"

"Look honey, I'd love to get the Chaos Emeralds too," responded Shadow. "But your crazy ex has apparently taken over the family and we must do as he says!"

"Wait! You can still resist him, can't you?" Chris questioned as he ran after Shadow. But then his wristwatch started ringing. "Aw, why is everyone calling people? It gets inconvenient and annoying after a while."

Amy pleaded, "You have to help us! Sonic's damage percentage is at 140%, and he's struggling to recover from launches! Another fighter must join in before Sonic is KO'd!"

"Wait, can't Sonic just use the Chaos Emeralds to use super attacks?" asked Chris.

"No, Final Smashes are only going to be in Brawl, unfortunately." Amy said sadly.

Chris pondered for a second and questioned, "Well, can't _you_ help Sonic?"

"JUST GET HERE!" screamed Amy, making Chris' ears hurt.

"Okay! I'll save Sonic!" declared Chris, not knowing that Shadow was glaring at him suspiciously.

Meanwhile, Sonic grabbed a Red Shell and breathed, "If a _Green_ Shell can KO several Metarex in a line, then the _Red_ Shell will be even more awesome." He flung the Red Shell, which homed in on the Metarex and then bounced off the edges. "Heheh, it can't go off the edge!" observed Sonic. But since the shell can't fall off, it repeatedly hit Sonic's stance, constantly sending him up. "Whoa! Ow! Not _me_! OUCH! Maybe we should just stick to Green Shells."

Amy rubbed her chin thoughtfully and figured, "Maybe I _should_ help Sonic..."

_Well, of course!_

She ran inside her ship and came out with a Super Scope. Amy was about to fire at the Metarex, but then she stopped. "Hold on, I have to do this the _right_ way." She fired 15 individual shots, followed by two fully charged shots. Amy then called to Cosmo, "Come over here! I need you to attack me while I'm charging my shot!"

Cosmo was very confused and she asked, "Why would you want me to attack you?"

"So this baby can get infinite ammo!" responded Amy excitedly. Cosmo still stood unable to understand.

"How does me attacking you give the gun ifinite... ammo, you call it?"

"Something to do with a programming error." guessed Amy. "Just come over here so we can help Sonic with this glitch!"

"Wait, can I just get the Chaos Emerald first?" asked Cosmo. She nervously headed to the Chaos Emerald capsule.

"No! What are you doing?" cried Amy before more Metarex crowded around the ship. "Aaah! Fine, be that way! Good thing I have spare hammers!" She grabbed a black-headed hammer and Amy walked around swinging it up and down. But then the hammer head fell off, and Amy was unable stop swinging. "Drat! Why didn't I just settle for my usual hammer?"

"I'll help you with the infinite ammo soon, Amy!" cried Cosmo as she walked up to the capsule...s. "Oh, there was another Chaos Emerald capsule right next to the first one. So Tails _was_ right about the two Chaos Emeralds all along!" She went to a nearby keypad and pushed several random buttons.

"Code overrided." sputtered the computer before glitching out.

"I did it!" cheered Cosmo as the Chaos Emerald capsules opened. But then an alarm like the one sounding in the Brinstar Escape Shaft sounded.

Sonic sighed, "Okay Cosmo, what did you do?" Inside the capsule with the Planet Egg thing, two metal half-spheres rose around it and locked together with a metallic clang. "From what I heard, something has used the Metal Box." The metal sphere with the Planet Egg got ejected from the capsule and down the shaft, leaving Cosmo in surprise.

Meanwhile, Knuckles was keeping his rage inside as he tried activating the X Tornado. "You stupid plane! Why won't you WORK?" The sphere hit Knuckles on the head, knocking out his remaining stamina. "Grooooaaaa..." moaned Knuckles as his face fell on the wheel, blaring the horn. The Planet Egg continued falling down the shaft.

"The Planet Egg is gone, sir." spoke a Metarex soldier to Red Pine.

Red Pine's interior face grew maniacal and he giggled, "That means we can use... our big gun."

"Wait, sir, you're not talking about our Subspace Gun, right?" asked a soldier worriedly.

"What other gun is there?" Red Pine countered mockingly.

"No! We can't use it yet!" the soldier cried. "It was only to be used in Super Metarex Bros. _Brawl_."

"...Ohhhhhhh yeaaaaah..." sighed Red Pine. "Well, can we use all our _other_ guns?"

"Affirmative, sir."

"Good. Now fire at our base!" Red Pine ordered.

The soldier gasped, "Wait! There's still some of our people in there!"

Red Pine mimicked childishly, "'There's still some of our people in there!' I'm Red _King_, so you have to do what _I_ say, no matter what! And I say: OVERKIIIIIIILLLLLLLLL!" The intimidated Metarex hurried to activate all the guns and did a shooting spree at the base.

Tails noticed the shots and commanded Cream, "Quick! Palm Tree Shield!" Cream activated the palm trees and they generated a red bubble that gradually shrunk. "Hold on a second, this isn't the usual shield..."

"It'll have to do!" snapped Cream before angrily turning back to her controls.

Tails looked uneasy at the shrinking shield. "Apparently, if this shield gets too small, it'll break and everyone will be stunned! Quick, deactivate the shield!" Cream rolled her eyes and she turned off the shield. "Now fire the anti-missiles!" The Blue Typhoon fired several missiles at the Metarex shots, but every missile got destroyed before hitting the target. "...Okay! Reactivate the shield!" Cream again activated the palm trees and the red bubble shield was at its former size. Yet it again started to shrink. "I'm not sure how long this shield would last. Cream, do you know why the Palm Tree Shield isn't working the usual way?"

"NO! Now just accept it!" Cream spat before turning back.

"...Are you _still_ mad about me rejecting you?"

Meanwhile, Shadow was running away from Rouge and Chris. "Stop following me! Can't you see I'm using the evasion technique?"

"You can't just run away!" cried Chris. "You could be helping others!"

"That's right, the Chaos Emeralds need your help!" Rouge added pleadingly. "Oh, and Sonic too."

Shadow told them, "Look, I'm teaching you a lesson: You can be a follower and still look cool at the same time. Don't worry, after I do what Eggman says, I'll be plotting my sweet revenge..."

Chris challenged, "Do you just follow Eggman's orders because his grandpa made you?"

Shadow continued running, then he stopped in sudden realization. "WHAT? That geezer's geezer _made_ me? Impossible! I'm the ultimate life-form, not some codger's Frankenstein's monster!"

Rouge flew in front of Shadow and spoke, "Look, the point we're making is that Dr. Eggman won't give you your memory back. I mean, you have to ask yourself if Eggman would _really_ have the ability to cure your amnesia. The same Eggman that always has failing plans and is _my_ crazy ex?"

Chris begged, "Just help us! It's the right thing to do!"

Shadow pondered outloud, "Mmm, sorry. Cool people don't care about the right thing. They just only care about... the _cool_ thing to do. And believe me, this'll be cool after I carry out my revenge!" He grabbed Rouge's arm (who again did a brief blush) and held out his Chaos Emerald. "Chaos Control!"

"Wait for me!" Chris cried as he leaped into the Chaos Control.

Dr. Eggman looked behind him to see a bright, red light. "Oh, OW! Too shiny!" Out of the light, Shadow was holding Rouge closely while Chris fell toward Dr. Eggman. "Shadouge! I mean, Shadow and Rouge, it's about time! And what's that kid doing here? Why is he looking at me like that?"

Rouge groaned, "You just realize _now_ that Chris is back?"

"Yeah, we're almost halway through the season. You should be smarter than that." pointed out Shadow. "Unless, of course, you're _not_ smart."

Chris stated, "Hello, Dr. Eggman. It's been years since we met."

"...Noooooo, it's only been 6 months." Eggman responded with the same look of confusion that Chris saw with everybody else. "Wow, and people think _I'm_ dumb! Er, which I'm absolutely _not_!"

"Well in my world, it has been 6 years." clarified Chris. "So I created a portal machine that only I could use, and then came here."

"Ah, so you're an adult now." Dr. Eggman said. "But why do you have dwarfism?"

Chris was appalled at Eggman's guess. "I don't have dwarfism! Something relating to time ratios has caused me to be young again! Uh, H. George Wells explained it better!"

_Albeit very confusingly, but it was an explanation nonetheless._

Shadow placed the two Chaos Emeralds inside the Egg Mobile and walked away. "You have fun with that. I'm just gonna go get some nachos."

After Shadow left, Chris continued, "My current state doesn't matter! I've changed. Back then I used to be stupid."

"And how do you know you're _not_ still stupid?" questioned Eggman.

"BURN!" chimed Horkirk and Jasdirk.

"GET OUTTA MY SHIP!" demanded Dr. Eggman before he ejected the two out into space.

Chris ignored those statements and went on, "But now I recognize responsibilities and take initiatives."

"Initiative?" challenged Eggman. "Heh! I'd like to see that!" In response, Chris held out a spherical object. "AAAH! He's wired! He's got a bomb!"

"A bomb?" asked Decoe.

"WHAAAAT?" Bocoe gasped. Chris threw the object at Eggman, blinding him and everyone else in multiple colours. In the ruckus Chris grabbed the two Chaos Emeralds and ran off.

When the coloured smoke cleared, Eggman growled, "A smoke ball? No fair! They're only supposed to be in Brawl!"

Bokkun spat, "You stole our stuff! No fair! You're supposed to be a good guy, an example for others! One that _earns_ his prizes, scallywag!"

Chris ran down the halls and found the ship hold. He hurried inside, but came across a tall, robe-wearing wolf and a muscular dingo. The wolf snickered creepily, "Ah, we won't let _this_ child get away, Dingo."

"I'll clobber him nice n' easy, Sleet!" declared Dingo.

_First Scratch and Grounder, and now _these_ two?_

Sleet looked around and saw Chris was past him. "No fair! You- how dare you sneak past me!"

Dingo muttered, "Guess we should've just killed him right away." Right after that, Shadow stepped into the room with a tray of nachos. "Ooh! Are those nachos for us?"

Shadow scowled at the two and spat, "Move aside!" He punched both of them epically into the wall.

At the same time, Chris hurried into an Eggman ship and noticed that the ignition was a touch-button. "Wow, doesn't anyone use keys anymore?" mused Chris as he touched the button and zoomed out of the Crimson Egg.

Meanwhile, Cosmo was running toward Sonic with the two Chaos Emeralds. "I have the Chaos Emeralds! Now I can help you with the infinite ammo, Amy!"

The Metarex declared, "Oh no you don't! No cheats!" He fired at Cosmo, and the knockback properties made Cosmo trip and drop the Chaos Emeralds. "Strange, tripping was only supposed to be in Brawl..."

Sonic gasped, "The Chaos Emeralds! My only chance to get stronger!" But he was subsequently blocked by several Metarex. "Drat! It's too risky to fight with my damage percentage really high now." All of a sudden, a blast of electrical energy shocked the Metarex and KO'd them! Behind them was... Pichu! "What? Pikachu's son slash brother slash nephew slash cousin?" Pichu released several electrical bolts at the Metarex, frying them greatly. "Huh? How come I can't see their skeletons when they're being electrocuted?"

"This is Melee," reminded Amy. "They dropped that special effect and replaced it with the bodies simply going darker."

Sonic objected, "But a few episodes ago, we saw a Metarex get shocked and his skeleton showed!"

"That was back when it was just Super Metarex Bros." responded Amy. Meanwhile Pichu electrocuted more Metarex with his Thunder attack. But then a surviving Metarex did a medium punch on Pichu, which sent him flying.

"Pichu PI-CHUUU!" wailed Pichu before he disappeared in a Star KO.

Amy asked, "Why did Pichu get KO'd so easily? The Metarex didn't attack him until now."

"But he gets recoil damage every time Pichu uses an electric attack." brought up Sonic bluntly. "Maybe Pichu in Brawl is a bad idea..."

"Excuse me Sonic," interrupted Cosmo. "The Metarex are taking the Chaos Emeralds." Sonic and Amy turned around to see a Metarex already have the two Chaos Emeralds in his hands.

"Oh no they won't!" declared Amy as she grabbed her usual hammer. "Sonic, take the Parasol!"

"But the Parasol is a weak battering item!" whined Sonic.

"Yeah, but it's still fun to float in the sky with it." Amy countered. "And believe me, you need the fun!"

"Fine." Sonic responded reluctantly. He grabbed the parasol and jumped high into the air. Soon Sonic opened the parasol and floated above the Metarex. "Wheee." An explosion from outside knockbacked everyone in the room, even interrupting Sonic's drift. "AAAAAAH!" cried Sonic as he suddenly plummeted to the floor. The explosion destroyed a part of the wall, revealing the Metarex ships firing at the base.

"They're destroying the base with their own people inside!" gasped Cosmo horrified.

"Yeah, that's pretty funny." chuckled Sonic, oblivious to Cosmo's worriedness. "Okay, the parasol is obviously worthless! Get me a cloaking device!" Sonic grabbed a cloaking device and quickly became invisible (despite his outline being visible and the device flickering every time he moved). "Whoo-hoo! I also can't take anymore damage this way!" The Metarex looked around confused as they tried to find the hedgehog.

Amy cried out, "Sonic? Where are you?"

Sonic's voice answered, "...Actually, I don't know. I can't see myself." Right after that, Sonic's cloaking device lost all energy, making him visible right next to the Metarex. "...The invincibility was fun while it lasted." he mused before the Metarex swarmed him.

Back in the hallways, Chris piloted the Eggman ship to find Sonic. But he glanced behind him and Chris saw none other than Shadow! "Shadow's here too? This was his revenge plan?"

Shadow stared at Chris, and suddenly snippets of his past came back to him. Him punching Chris, Shadow noticing the similarities between Chris and Maria, and... Chris shedding a tear on his energy ring. "You... You cried on my stuff!" shouted Shadow angrily. "Now you'll pay for that tear!" He shot Chaos energy at the ship, making it crash to the ground.

"YAAAAY!" cheered Jasdirk and Horkirk.

"Stop following us!" groaned Shadow as he blasted the two off the base. "Now, to finish him off. And since I'm cool, I'll just _walk_ over to him, just to make things suspenseful." Shadow stepped toward Chris while he stumbled out of the ship and down the hallway. Suddenly Rouge picked up Chris and carried him down the corridor quickly. "Hey! I was going to finish him off!" yelled Shadow. "...As soon as I caught up to him, that is." Rouge held Chris at the shaft and descended while Shadow looked down and smiled. "That's it, honey. Drop him down the bottomless pit."

As they were descending, Rouge inquired Chris, "So, now that I've saved you from Shadow, is there anything else I could do for you?"

Chris asked, "Hmm... do you have any french fries?"

_What? Chris is thinking of _french fries_ at a time like this?_

Rouge snarked, "Do I look like _Ronald McDonald_ to you? You know what? I should drop you just for that. Yes, I'll drop you now." She let go of Chris and let him fall down the shaft.

"AAAAAAAAAH!" Chris cried until Knuckles grabbed his hand. "Knuckles! Do you have any french fries?"

"No." answered Knuckles. "Do you know how to fix this ship?"

"I'm not sure..."

"Alright." Knuckles replied and dropped Chris.

"NOT AGAAAAAIIIN!" shouted Chris as he fell.

_Sheesh, I would expect better from Knuckles._

Knuckles checked the X Tornado again and suddenly noticed something. "Oh! All this time I just had to push the giant button marked 'Ignition'!" He pressed it and the X Tornado hovered. "Yeah! Now what? ...Oh yeah, I let Chris fall down the shaft. Better pick him up." Knuckles quickly flew down the shaft and caught sight of Chris. He quickly piloted the X Tornado underneath Chris, catching him just before he hit the bottom blast line. "Phew! Saved ya!"

Chris stayed on his back, unable to move due to the impact after the long fall. "Yeah... thanks a lot."

Back at the Blue Typhoon, Cream saw that the Palm Tree Shield was getting even smaller. "The Shield's stamina is down to 30%, Tails!"

"Yeah, and there's no food around to regain stamina." added Tails sadly. "...You wanna do it real quick?"

_TAILS! What's wrong with you?_

"No!" spat Cream as she once again angrily turned aside.

In the Crimson Egg, Bokkun noticed, "Hey, where's Rouge and Shadow? Wasn't he supposed to come back with some nachos?"

"Forget about those two!" Dr. Eggman interrupted, pointing to the base. "There seems to be a gravitational pull at the center. It has to be an interdimensional portal!"

"How do you know it's not just an ordinary gravitational center?" questioned Bocoe.

"Because an _ordinary_ gravitational center is boring!" countered Eggman.

"He's got us there." mumbled Decoe to Bocoe.

Back in the X Tornado, Chris managed to gain back a little movement needed to pilot the plane. He flew the X Tornado up the shaft, but stopped in mid-air when he saw Shadow standing in an opening. Chris stared at Shadow, then turned back to the controls. "You're not going to be _my_ hitchhiker!" declared Chris as he flew the X Tornado quickly up.

"...Oh am I?" challenged Shadow as he expertly leaped high after the X Tornado. It flew higher and higher until it reached the main battle platform. The X Tornado dropped onto the platform and skidded through several Metarex.

"Sonic! I have two more Chaos Emeralds for you!" called Chris as he threw the Red and Purple Chaos Emeralds at Sonic.

Sonic excitedly ran at the Chaos Emeralds. "Ooooh! Gimmegimmegimmegimmegimme!"

"Those are _my_ Chaos Emeralds!" declared Shadow. "_I_ found them first!" He lunged at the Chaos Emeralds while Sonic continued speeding towards them. "...Hmm, I'm falling pretty slow. But this stage doesn't have low gravity settings."

When both Sonic and Shadow got close to the Chaos Emeralds, all seven of them began to glow. Cosmo and Red Pine both looked notably awestruck at seeing Sonic and Shadow become Super for the first time. Everyone else, however, just sat and ate some snacks while watching something they've seen multiple times before. Dr. Eggman chewed a gob of popcorn and remarked muffled, "Sonic and Shadow are Super again. Again."

Red Pine gasped, "No! It's... impossible! That's imPOSSIBLE! Both of them can't use the Chaos Emeralds, could they? No, it's impossible!"

"Stop saying 'impossible'." grumbled a Metarex soldier.

Red Pine glared at the soldier and hissed, "Fine. It's _inconceivable_."

Sonic grinned at his Super form. "Finally! I'm SOOOOOOPAAAAAAAAH!11!11!1"

Runway music started playing as Shadow stepped up in his Super form. "Ah, it's good to be an ultimate superhero. Again. Now I shall finish the season by obliterating all those Metarex!"

"Wait a second! _I_ was going to destroy the Metarex!" protested Sonic.

"How can you if you're dead?" questioned Shadow.

Sonic was appalled and he objected, "I'm not dead!"

"Oh really?" Shadow inquired, ready to fight. "Well let me kill you for you." He raced toward Super Sonic and punched him into the wall.

Super Sonic growled, "NOW I'LL SHOW YOU!" He flew around at high speeds, ramming into Super Shadow at any chance. Both of them lunged quickly at each other, occasionally hitting each other.

"What's going on?" asked Cosmo.

"It's their Final Smashes, but a game early!" answered Amy. "But since Sonic and Shadow are doing their Final Smashes at the same time, their power is neutralized!"

Tails looked at both of them quizzically. "How'd you two get back so fast?"

"No time for that! Shadow and Sonic are going to die!" wailed Amy.

Red Pine watched the Super battle annoyed. "They don't take the chance to attack _me_? Am I not good enough? Do they just take me as a Sandbag, not worth fighting for? Metarex ships, break up the fight!" The ships fired several shots at the Supers to stop the fight, but in vain. "Come on now, break it up! Break it up!"

Sonic and Shadow weren't listening. "Give up, Shadow! It took me 12 episodes to get back all seven Chaos Emeralds, and I'm not going to let it all be for nothing!"

Shadow smirked, "So I see you're not just copying me in physical appearance."

"What's your point?" questioned Sonic.

"Simple. You're just an ordinary hedgehog." Shadow answered smugly.

"WHAAAAT?" gasped Sonic as he gawked at Shadow. Super Shadow took the moment to punch Sonic in the face. "OWWW! You think you're awesome? Well awesome people don't follow a mad doctor's orders and pass it off as part of a 'revenge plan'!"

Now Shadow gawked. "You take that back! This is _all_ part of my revenge plan! I'm just following Eggman so that he _thinks_ I'm on his side!"

"Well it's not going to work now since you just told everyone." grumbled Dr. Eggman as he inched closer to Rouge (who inched away from him).

Super Sonic punched Shadow and cackled, "How'd you like _that_?" Super Shadow punched Sonic, and both of them continued ramming into each other. However, they didn't notice the Metarex Base stage's gimmick, which was that it gradually fell apart. Eventually a black hole emerged from the center. "What did you DO?" Sonic accused Shadow.

"Me? What did _you_ do?" Shadow countered. The black hole starting sucking in several Metarex ships. "We'll pick this up another time. See ya chump!" He flew off, only to have Sonic pull him back.

"Either _I_ live, or we _both_ die!" challenged Sonic.

Nearby him, Mario was flying through space, but he got pulled in by the black hole. "Woo-hahaha!" cried Mario as he was sucked in.

"...Okay, now let's see _you_ do that!" declared Sonic as he wrestled with Shadow.

Dr. Eggman shouted to the others, "We have to get outta here! Full engines everybody!"

"They _are_ at full engines!" answered Bokkun worriedly. "Waaah! We're gonna die!"

"Way to be optimistic, Bokkun." grumbled Rouge.

Everyone was having the same problem in the Blue Typhoon. "We don't have enough power!" shouted Chris. He glanced at the passengers who were glaring at him. "And I have a feeling we're going to get sued before we die."

Knuckles hurried to the Master Emerald and shouted, "I don't have time for the long chant! Just give us more energy, _PLEEEEEEASE_!" The Master Emerald glowed brightly and transferred more power to the engines. "Oh, thank you. I'm not ready to protect you in another dimension. Or death."

Red Pine ordered his Metarex, "Come on! Move away! We have to get outta here!"

"But we _can't_, sir!" cried a soldier. "I suppose the plot wants us gone."

"NOOOOO!" whined Red Pine. "I'll never show up for another episode! That means I'm pointless! WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

Supers Sonic and Shadow rested on a piece of debris. Sonic mumbled, "You're... going... down..."

Shadow grumbled, "Give... up..."

Sonic answered weakly, "Nev...er... Faker."

"Take... that... back."

"HELLOOOOO?" wailed Dr. Eggman as his ship was pulled toward the black hole. "We're about to be pulled into spaghetti!"

Shadow saw the Crimson Egg get closer to the black hole. "I'm a-coming, family!" he declared as Shadow leaped for the ship arms out.

"Heheh, he gave up." snickered Sonic.

Shadow landed on the Crimson Egg and groaned like he was constipated. "Grrrrrrrr! Chaaaaaooossss Contrrrrrrrrrrollllllll!" The Crimson Egg was finally teleported in another part of the galaxy. Shadow finally relaxed and sighed, "Ah, there it is."

Sonic crawled away from the black hole, but he saw the seven Chaos Emeralds fall toward it. "Whatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhat NOOOO! The Chaos Emeralds!" Sonic held his arm out, but they were already plunged into the hole. "NOOOOO! WHAAAT? WHAAAAAAAT? NO! NO! ARE YOU KIDDING MEEEE? NO! NO! I COLLECTED THEM ALL! IT WAS THE END OF THE SEASON! NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The Blue Typhoon struggled to hover beside Sonic. "Sonic, we'll get them back eventually!" called Tails. Sonic lied on the debris stubbornly. "Eh, it'll take a while to get him back." stated Tails to the others.

Meanwhile, Dark Oak examined the situation. "So both Sonic and Shadow have Super forms. What's next, the pink hedgehog? Or that mutant squirrel? Or even my daughter- I mean, that flower child? ...I might need a spare episode to come up with a new plan."

* * *

><p><em>Phew, another chapter done in time. Nothing much to say except this makes me want to play Melee again, just for the stuff that couldn't make it in Brawl. Anyway, please review!<em>


	13. Mission: Impossible Break Up

_Hoo boy, I'm finally doing the fan-favourite episode that I had several ideas for since I first thought of this fanfic. So that means this chapter is where the fanfic takes more from Titanic (and the animated versions). Also, interestingly enough, the end of this chapter marks the halfway point, so yay! Anyway, time to start the story of Titanic... the Sonic X parody._

Episode 13: Mission: Impossible Break Up

On the Blue Typhoon, the main heroes were doing repairs due to the big melee they had last episode. While Knuckles was maintaining the Master Emerald, Cream inquired him, "I'm not sure what happened to Shadow. And Rouge was on Eggman's ship too, you know."

Knuckles instantly saw through Cream's motives. "Ohhh no! I'm not going to get depressed wondering what happened to Rouge!" He laid back and added demeaningly, "Besides, she has that pretty boy, Shadow."

Cream sighed happily, "Yeah, he _is_ pretty, for a guy."

At the same time, Chris told Tails, "I've been pondering about that Planet Egg and the Chaos Emeralds that the Metarex are using. Perhaps they are related..."

"Well I'm just wondering about Shadow." spoke up Tails. "I know he's the ultimate life-form, but I'm not sure if he'd survive a black hole."

On another part of the Blue Typhoon, Amy saw Sonic walk by and she asked, "Hey Sonic! Do you wonder what happened to Shadow?"

Sonic snapped, "WHY IS EVERYONE OBSESSED WITH SHADOW?" He breathed heavily and groaned, "Doesn't anyone care about how we're going to end the season? Because I was close until _Shadow_ made me drop the Chaos Emeralds into that vortex! And they're gone, gone, GONE!" Sonic kneeled down and sobbed.

Amy hesitantly put her hand on Sonic's shoulder and assured, "Don't worry, Sonic. Once the black hole stabilizes, we can go through and you can find the Chaos Emeralds again."

Sonic sneered, "The point was that I didn't _want_ to find the Chaos Emeralds all, over, again." He wailed, "But now I _have toooooo_! And that means we're gonna have to go through MORE EPISODES! Ohhhh, I wanted to finally start my vacation, but no! No no no! The Chaos Emeralds!" Sonic crawled away sadly, and Amy stepped along to accompany him.

Meanwhile, through use of the Intergalactic Internet-

_Wait wait wait, the Intergalactic Internet? They _really_ have that?_

_Of course! How else would space travelers pass the time?_

The remaining three Metarex Kings communicated to each other via Skype. One of them, a big, yellow Metarex, began, "Yo kings, ya hear? Red Pine got flung into a black hole!"

A pale green Metarex replied, "Eh, I was expecting it. He was a noob."

"Now now, don't call each other noobs." interrupted a black-coloured Metarex. "Remember we were all noobs at one point."

The Pale Metarex joked, "Actually, I think Big Yellow here still _is_ a noob!"

"I am _not_!" protested the Yellow Metarex. "You're just jealous because I have a bright colour while you are stuck with a bland one!"

Black King groaned, "Stop fighting! Every time we get on Skype, you always have these noob fights!"

Pale King responded, "What's it to ya, Blackie?"

"OK, that joke was uncalled for!" shouted Black King. "You pushed it! You pushed it, Paleface!"

"Look guys," cut in Yellow King. "Let's just agree that Red Pine was a noob, and leave it at that."

"Oh yeah, that sounds good." agreed the others.

"Now, what's up with Dark Professor Oak?" inquired Pale King. "He's usually the one that gives us orders here."

"I heard he needed a spare episode to come up with some 'brilliant breakthrough'." explained Black King. "Personally I think he's just being a douche as usual."

"He's _always_ a douche." corrected Yellow King. "Hey Pale boy! Since when did ya score a Red Chaos Emerald? Didn't they all get sucked into da hole?"

"Oh this thing?" replied Pale King, holding up his Chaos Emerald. "Well, how do you know it's not a fake?"

Yellow King was about to answer, but then stopped. "Oh, I see the game you're playing!"

"Shut up!" growled Black King. "Now that I have your attention, I get to control the conversation!"

"No fair! Only noobs talk that way!" spat Yellow King.

"Your _mom_ talks that way!" countered Black King.

Pale King chimed, "That's what she said!"

_GRAA! What is the POINT of this scene? It's like I'm in high school again._

_This is how the Metarex Kings formed plans together!_

_I don't hear plan-making. I just hear cliché teen insults and internet slang._

Yellow King declared, "That's it! Whoever clobbers the hedgehog first gets all the respect from the others!"

"Good idea, but after Dark Oak has his 'spare episode'." suggested Pale King before he exited Skype.

"I don't care what Dark Oak is doing, I just wanna kill something!" Black King snarled. "And I've run out of things to kill on the planet I'm on." Then Black King exited Skype.

"I don't believe both of them!" spoke Yellow King. "Soldiers, get ready to hunt for the blue hedgehog! But after I finish 'comparing' _Call of Duty_ and _Halo_."

_...Okay, that scene was officially completely pointless._

_No, we find out that the Kings are competing to kill Sonic first to win respect!_

_It must've escaped me after all that jock talk._

Back on the Blue Typhoon, Chris noticed a ship in the distance. "Hey! There's an unidentified ship out there!"

"I'm not receiving any messages." added Amy. "Are they new enemies?"

"Let me check." Tails said as he brought the image on screen. He enlarged it until it was clear what ship it was.

"The CHAOTIX?" groaned Sonic. "I thought we got rid of them!"

Charmy waved a white flag and shouted, "We surrender!"

"No Charmy! That's not what the white flag means!" growled Vector. Once the Chaotix ship boarded the Blue Typhoon, Vector greeted, "Hello, friends! You might be wondering why we are still in space!"

"We're also wondering why you didn't give us any messages on who you were." Chris added.

Espio explained, "We tried giving you a message, but _Charmy_ had blown up our other means of communication from too many prank calls."

Charmy giggled, "You should've heard this old woman's reaction when she thought her boyfriend was calling her from the dead!"

"I think you gave that one a heart attack..." grumbled Espio. "Anyway, the only communication we had left was the Morse transmitter, but I think a wire was cut. Of course, even if it was working we wouldn't know how to transmit a message correctly."

"Why not just try SOS?" asked Tails. "It's just three short taps, three long dashes, and three more taps."

Vector grumbled, "If we did that, you might take the initials as 'Sink Our Ship'."

Tails sighed, "Look, if you want me to fix your communicators, I'll repair them."

"Great! We're tired of being lost in space!" said Vector. "If we were lost in space any longer, we'd encounter a space monkey and a mutated man controlling a legion of spiders."

Charmy groaned, "Aww, that would've been awesome!"

Tails looked around uneasily and told them, "Okaaay, while you rest on the Blue Typhoon, I'll fix your communications."

"Oh! And also add some cool new features, like an auto-pilot so I wouldn't have to watch out for asteroids dead ahead!" interrupted Vector. Before Tails could protest, Vector hugged him and thanked, "Great! We're all grateful! Oh, be sure not to let Cream know that we're still around. Her mother's paying us!"

"I'm right here." Cream said as she was standing next to the group.

Vector paused to realize Cream was there. "Oh, so you are! Well, you tell your mother that Mr. Vector won't freak out your mom _too_ much, heheh."

Later, Tails was busy doing the needed repairs to the Chaotix ship. "The communications are easy, but the auto-pilot might be tricky. Hmm, maybe I can just copy Hal into this ship. That okay with you, Hal?"

Hal answered, "It would be a pleasure to expand my duties on multiple ships."

The Chaotix were outside the room, trying to listen in on what's going on. Espio cautioned, "That HAL character doesn't seem trustworthy."

"You're just being paranoid as usual, ninja-in-training!" objected Vector.

"Hey! My retraining is almost complete!" protested Espio, trying hard not to remember the failures from the last time he was on the Blue Typhoon. "And I can tell that Hal as an auto-pilot would be a bad idea."

Charmy spoke up, "I just realized something. Why are we out here when we could be _inside_ the room?"

"Did someone mention my movie?" shouted a male, accented voice. A man with long, dark hair continued, "My movie, 'The Room'? You wanted to see it, huh?"

_Oh no... it can't be..._

Vector stared uneasily at the man and asked, "Uh, who are you?"

The man replied, "I'm Tommy Wiseau from Wiseau Films!"

_IT IS! Why, Tommy? Why? Tommy, why? Why?_

Espio responded, "Well we're the Chaotix, and we are just waiting for our ship to be repaired."

Vector added, "But apparently, Tails didn't want us to be inside, just to answer Charmy's question earlier."

Tommy suggested, "Let's go snooping, huh? Be confidential so we make a lot of money!"

"Hold it Tommy, there's that flower girl." interrupted Espio as he saw Cosmo push a cart of food into the ship hold where Tails was. "And she's playing Alfred the Butler again." The group watched Cosmo walk toward Tails. Unbeknownst to them, Calvan was stepping by and he caught sight of Cosmo too, so he peeked into the room as well.

Cosmo pushed the cart beside Tails and asked, "Where is everybody?"

"Well, Chris is looking after the main engines," answered Tails. "And I think Sonic is trying to get better from not being able to finish the season. Everyone else is busy, I think."

"So it's just you and me?"

Tails smiled and slyly replied, "Well, you can say that..."

Vector gasped in realization. "Now I know why he kicked us out! It was an excuse to get closer to Cosmo!"

Tommy figured, "Vector, two is great, but three is a crowd."

"What does that have to do with Tails and Cosmo?" inquired Espio suspiciously.

Tommy yelled, "You are tearing me apart, Espio!"

"SHUSH!" hissed Vector as he silenced the group. He eyed Cosmo and Tails like a superspy. "They're saying something else..."

Tails told Cosmo, "I think everyone's tired after the battle we had last episode. So many Melee references..."

Cosmo grinned and she brought up, "Well, I was planning on a secret for everyone, if you know what I mean..."

"Uh, I'm not sure what you mean..."

Cosmo stepped away and just stated, "It's a secret."

Espio observed, "I heard one of them say 'Melee'. Are they talking about Super Metarex Bros. Melee?"

"No way! I heard Cosmo say something about a secret." noted Vector. "She also added, 'if you know what I mean'... As if only _Tails_ knows what she means..."

Charmy randomly mocked, "Tails and _Cosmo_! Tails loves _Cosmo_! Hey, I just said the name of a popular fanfic author!"

_Look, does Charmy_ need_ to make these references?_

Vector pondered, "Hmm, if he loves her so much, why isn't he trying to seduce her?"

"Because he's not _you_." pointed out Espio insultingly.

Vector was oblivious to Espio's insult and continued, "Or _maybe_ Tails is saving it for one big moment!"

"Anything for his princess!" added Tommy.

Calvan, who was _still_ peeking at Cosmo without the others knowing, thought, _Cosmo? _Tails'_ princess? I am a baron! She should be _my_ princess! In fact, she should've been my princess _weeks_ ago, but because of that fox my plans with the space sharks are at a roadblock. But there's still time for me to seduce her! Oh yes, I won't let her be a horse-subtract-'se' married to a gutter rat!_

_Well, does that _last_ line, sound, FAMILIAR?_

Vector glanced behing him and gasped, "Someone else is coming! Hide!" The Chaotix and Wiseau hid away from the doorway. Cosmo's step-family marched into the hold and glared at Cosmo.

Gertruth sneered, "Child! Come down here at once! You must not see that animalistic low-life!" She dragged Cosmo away from Tails and continued, "Remember, you are engaged to Calvan! It is the only way to solve our..." Gertruth whispered viciously, "Financial problems caused by your father." As they left, Cosmo's step-sisters snickered at Tails before following the others.

_A mother forcing her child to marry someone to solve financial problems. Does... _that_... sound... _FAMILIAR_?_

Espio noticed Vector sniffling and asked, "Vector, are you touched because you just witnessed a real-life example of the classic tale of forbidden lovers?"

_More like _ripped-off_ tale, but Espio is correct in everything else._

Vector snuffed, "No! I'm upset because if we don't do something, Tails and Cosmo are gonna get away with inappropriate romance!"

_What? Vector_ doesn't_ want Tails and Cosmo together?_

_Not together per se. Just let me finish._

Charmy inquired suspiciously, "So you've done this before, haven't you?"

"Hey! Whatever you're thinking of, it's not true!" objected Vector. "Anyway, from what I know, Tails is a fox and Cosmo is a living plant able to escape Green Away. And interspecies romance is a no-no!"

"That doesn't seem to stop you from loving Vanilla." Espio pointed out.

"Me and Vanilla are different!" protested Vector. "At least _we're_ old enough, unlike those two! Which brings me to my second point: Tails and Cosmo are too young for romance, so _any_ romance is not allowed! And three..." Vector paused to think up of a third point. "Three! Tails _clearly_ wants intercourse with Cosmo! And given points A and Two, the results will be disastrous!"

_Why would Tails and Cosmo have intercourse? Well, I've been wrong before..._

Espio asked, "So what do you propose we do?"

Vector stated, "Simple. One: make sure Tails and Cosmo _don't_ commit intercourse! And B: catch in the act of _any_ romance! We gotta spread out the message like a tabloid, and Tommy Wiseau is gonna help us!"

"WHAT?" cried Charmy and Espio.

_My sentiments exactly._

Tommy replied, "Ha ha ha. What a plan, Vector."

Charmy asked Vector, "Are we going to get dirty?"

"EW! NO! Just, no!" groaned Vector. "The point is that we're preventing Tails and Cosmo from getting dirty!"

Meanwhile, Tails continued working on the Chaotix ship. "Oh, Cosmo, if only our lives were much more romantic and epic..."

*Tails' Fantasy*

_Oh boy, here we go again._

The scenery was manga-esque and both Tails and Cosmo were in a dark alley. Tails was dressed like a ninja-samurai while Cosmo was a geisha. Soon Tails held up his hand warningly and he cautioned, "I sense several enemies approaching us..." Suddenly, three of the world's meanest, outrageous villains surrounded them!

Sideshow Bob held out his axe and cackled, "Ha ha ha! If I can slice a walking vegetable, I can slice Bart Simpson!"

Lord Shen stepped forward with his cannon and introduced himself, "I am Lord Shen, the upcoming villain in the upcoming sequel to the upcoming Dreamworks Film _Kung Fu Panda_."

Spider Dr. Smith marched with his spider legion and declared, "I'll destroy those two with my legion of SPY-ders!"

Cosmo held Tails tightly and gasped, "What will we do?"

"Don't worry, my love. I got this." assured Tails with a wink. Like Shadow (only better in Tails' mind) he spin-dashed into the three villians, knocking them over. Tails snatched Bob's axe and snapped it with his tails. Then he caught a cannonball from Shen and launched it back. And then Tails squashed all the spiders and punched Spider Smith away. "That seems to be all of them."

Cosmo embraced Tails and sighed, "My hero!"

Suddenly, Knuckles, with wild hair and a blue robe, stepped into the area and told Tails, "That seems to be an impressive display. But now we must d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-DUELLLLLLL! It's time for KNUCKLES-OHHHHH!" Tails rolled his eyes and shot Knuckles with his pistol.

"Now where were we?" asked Tails as he leaned closer to Cosmo.

*End Tails' Fantasy*

"...Yeah, that would be awesome..." sighed Tails.

_I thought it was Vector that had the fantasy of Tails saving Cosmo._

_How would you know that?_

_The Chaotix told me._

_The Chaotix?_

_Yes. I am serious, the Chaotix told me they were helping Tails with Cosmo and that they even imagined Tails saved her. But they didn't say anything about pop-culture villains attacking._

_Well Tails imagined it so! Remarkably, he even predicted the villain of a sequel of a movie that didn't even come out then!_

_But everything else present is referenced at the same time._

_Exactly!_

_...Whatever._

Back with the Chaotix, Vector figured, "If we want to catch Tails and Cosmo in the act, we must _trick_ them into romance!"

Espio glared at Vector and pointed out, "If they're going to do something romantic, we wouldn't _need_ to trick them."

"Quiet! I have a plan." snapped Vector. "And everyone is going to play a part."

"What part do I play, huh?" asked Tommy.

"You'll be the guy that tags along on our plan." Vector answered.

"Okee-dokee!" chirped Tommy.

At the Master Emerald, Knuckles was cleaning his precious jewel. "I'm being useful." Knuckles told himself as he wiped the base.

Then Charmy flew into the room. "Hey Knuckles, you, uh, knucklehead! Useless knucklehead!"

Knuckles restrained himself from retaliating. "I... am... _useful_..."

Charmy continued, "Knucklehead. Useless knucklehead. Head o' knuckles that has no use."

Knuckles clenched Charmy's shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

Charmy giggled, "Good, I can now use a SPRAY CAN!" He got out a spray can and out came tons of graffiti paint.

Knuckles glared at all the paint. "So, you just wanted me to get covered in paint?"

"That's only the first part!" replied Charmy before he got out a taser and shocked Knuckles unconscious.

Vector came from behind the Master Emerald and congratulated, "Nice work on the insults, Charmy. Now it's time to give Knuckles an ART ATTACK!" British rock music played as the Chaotix grabbed markers and drew all over Knuckles' face. "Now I know how Jigglypuff feels!"

Later, in a hallway, Cosmo was walking through after escaping her step-family again. "I know I shouldn't disobey my parents, but they are being quite unfair lately. Hmm, I wonder where Tails is now."

Vector and Charmy observed the situation from afar. "Okay Espio. You're on!"

Invisible Espio carried Knuckles toward Cosmo and whispered into his radio, "Uh, line please."

Tommy suggested, "How about, 'I'm tired, I'm wasted, I love you darling'?"

Espio moved Knuckles like a puppet and shouted, "I'm tired! I'm wasted! I love you darling! ...Wait, did Tommy Wiseau give me that line?"

"Huh? What are you doing, Knuckles?" inquired Cosmo very confused. "I don't know whether to be scared or amused."

Vector hissed, "Scared! Make her scared!"

Espio struggled to hold up an arm and he growled, "Grr! I am not Knuckles, I am... Oipse! It's Espio spelled backwards! I mean, growl! Roar!"

"Are you doing a play?"

"Noooo!" Espio said in a ghostly way. "This is _reaaaal_! And, I'm going to, you know, hurt you. Unless someone can saaaaave you! Snarl!"

Charmy whispered to Vector, "Where _is_ our main man? He should be watching Cosmo like a dingo watches a human baby."

Vector assured, "Oh, Tails will come, all right. And when he does, he'll have no choice but to seduce Cosmo. And _then_ we snap a picture of 'em to expose them!"

But then Calvan stepped through the hallway and noticed the odd display. "Cosmo looks like she's in trouble! At last, I'll prove my worth!"

Espio stammered, "No! Only Tails can save Cosmo! You're not part of the plan!" He moved Knuckles in front of Calvan and challenged, "And anyone that _does_ attempt to save Cosmo will go through ME!"

"Who are you to stand in the way of my fiancé?" questioned Calvan. "Get out, you idiot!" He attempted wrestling with Knuckles, but Espio continued to move him around.

Tails entered the corridor and saw the weird event. "Cosmo, do you know what's going on?"

"I have no idea." answered Cosmo.

Vector snapped, "Tails is here! Try attacking!"

"Wait, attack Tails, Cosmo, or this freak?" cried Espio as he continued fighting Calvan.

"I am not a freak, I never was a freak, and I'll never _be_ a freak!" spat Calvan as he and Espio fought down the hallway.

Cosmo and Tails just stared down the corridor. "...Knuckles seemed so simple until this moment." sighed Cosmo.

"Yeah," agreed Tails. "Oh, now that we're both here, I'd like to show you something. In my room."

Vector's eyes shot open at that. "Aha, that's the trigger sentence!"

"What do you mean?" questioned Charmy.

Then Espio ran back to the Chaotix. "This plan is a bad idea! The tourists are _crazy_!" spoke Espio nervously as he rubbed his wounds.

"Quiet, Cosmo and Tails are going inside." shushed Vector as he watched the two walk into a room. He and the others put their ears to the door.

"Strange, all I hear are pencil sounds." noted Espio. "As if they're drawing something..."

"Of course!" shouted Vector in realization. "I should've known. One of them is drawing the other nude!"

_WHAT THE HECK?_

"Wait a second, Tails is already nude." Espio brought up. "In fact, all the males are nude except for shoes and gloves and such."

Vector figured, "Well, I guess Tails is drawing Cosmo nude! And I won't let it continue! Come on, we're going through the air shafts." He opened a ventilation shaft and the others climbed through. "This is great, we'll drop in on 'em like secret agents exposing a couple of super villains! Oh, my gum's lost its flavour." Vector pulled out the gum he was chewing and stuck it to the side of the shaft. "Ah, I've found the shaft to inside the room. Stand back!" He smashed the ventilation grate open and barged into the room. "AHA! Just as I thought: Tails is holding a pencil!"

Tails and Cosmo (who was still fully clothed) stared in shock at the Chaotix. "...Why are you in my room?"

"Be_cause_ you are in violation of romance laws!" accused Vector. He saw that Tails was holding a sheet of paper, so Vector snatched it and continued, "As such, you are arrested for drawing... blueprints of several airships?"

"...Yeah." answered Tails. "I was showing Cosmo how I draw blueprints. Until you came in here accusing me of... romance law violation?" Awkward silence.

"...Hi, doggy!" Tommy said to Tails, breaking the silence.

Vector looked around and stated, "I'll keep my eye on you, Tails. And I'll keep my other eye on Cosmo!" The Chaotix marched out, leaving Cosmo and Tails in even more confusion.

Meanwhile, on the Crimson Egg, Bocoe and Decoe were bashing each other with hammers in an attempt to fix themselves from the new gravity. "Duh, you looking any better?" slurred Decoe as he did another blow to Bocoe's head.

"Buh, it's sorta working." responded Bocoe as he swung his mallet at Decoe's torso.

"Hey guys, check this out!" called Bokkun as he stepped toward the two of them. He was much taller and slimmer. Bokkun sang, "_Whoa-oa-oa! I feel tall! (Na na na na na na na!) Taller than the wall, now. (Na na na na na na na!) I feel bold! (Na na na na na na na!) Like braving the cold! (Na na na na na na na!) So tall! (Da da!) So bold! (Da da!) I'm better than yoooouuuu! (Ba ba ba BA!) HEY!_"

Bocoe and Decoe stared blankly at Bokkun. "Buh, he's boasting, not good." groaned Bocoe.

"Duh, let's beat 'im up." said Decoe while he held up his hammer. The two chased after Bokkun.

"You're just jealous because what I sang was true!" accused Bokkun as he outran the two robots easily.

Dr. Eggman and Rouge were in the cargo hold. "Ugh, they're at it again." Eggman grumbled as he heard the commotion from the main floor.

Rouge stated, "At least _we_ didn't get affected by the new gravity."

"Not true. It made your breasts get larger." reminded Eggman.

Rouge stared at her chest and sighed, "So they are. More unneccessary fanservice." She looked back at Shadow's capsule and asked, "When is Shadow going to wake up from his coma?"

"It should be anytime now." assured Eggman. "I'm just worried that he might get his memory back. I don't wanna be pestered into giving him answers."

Shadow slowly opened his eyes. "Doctor Eggman, and Rouge. So I did it then. I finished the season for you."

"Uh, no. The season is only half-over." Eggman corrected. "But you saved us, though! Thanks to your bracelets!"

Shadow scowled at Eggman and growled with rising anger, "They are _not_ bracelets. They are POWER RINGS!" Shadow was about to break out of the capsule, but he lied back down. "Oooh. Oooh... not enough energy..."

"Now now, no one likes a blabbermouth." Eggman mused as he put a cover over the capsule. Shadow's protests were greatly muffled as Dr. Eggman blanketed the capsule. "Shh shh shhhhh... it's nap time, remember?"

Back on the Blue Typhoon, Tails was carrying several boxes while Cosmo was carrying boxes of her own in the same path. Both of them bumped into each other and the boxes were dropped.

_Hey, this is starting to sound familiar..._

Tails picked up a box and remarked, "I bet you'd look ravishing in whatever clothes are in here."

"Oh, they're not clothes." stated Cosmo shyly. She grabbed the box, and then Tails' hands grasped hers.

_Wait, he's holding her hands again. Let me guess, he's going to compliment how attractive she is._

"I am just very attracted to you." said Tails. "You're the only one on this ship that has more common sense than everyone else."

_Oh, and now Cosmo has to leave because of her duties._

"I'm very sorry Tails, I must get these boxes to my destination as soon as possible." apologized Cosmo. She smiled as she picked up her boxes and continued down the hallway.

_I knew it! You've run out of ideas, so you just rip off an earlier scene and pass it off as new._

_Of course not! What, you think it's odd for a scene to happen twice in a lifetime?_

_It wouldn't be so odd if the scene wasn't so contrived in the first place._

Tails suddenly noticed that Cosmo forgot to grab a small box. He opened it up to find a small flower inside. "I wonder what this is for..."

Suddenly, Sonic raced up to him and shouted in a hyper way, "Just take it! Takeit-takeit-takeit-takeit-takeit!" Sonic ran off... then came back to add, "Take it!"

_Okay, apparently Sonic has recovered from his depression quickly._

_Well Sonic _is_ fast, correct?_

With the Chaotix, Vector told the others, "Well, I suppose it's time we use Plan B!"

"GAAAH! Plan B?" cried Espio and Charmy in disgust.

"What? NOOO!" Vector groaned. "Not _that_ kind of Plan B! ...Though if our idea fails, we might have to resort to _that_ Plan B."

Tommy added, "They'd have an announcement to make: 'Hi everybody! We're expecting!'"

Charmy whispered, "Why are we keeping him?"

"I dunno, he's making this hunt more interesting." murmured Vector. He caught sight of Tails and he gasped, "There he goes! After him! But in a non-suspicious way!" The Chaotix walked quickly instead of running as they followed Tails.

Tails went inside a room only to find Cosmo setting up decorations. "Cosmo? Are you setting up a party?"

Cosmo turned around in shock. "Oh, Tails! You, spoiled the surprise."

"Is this what you were hiding?" asked Tails.

"...Surpriiiise."

Tails glanced around and reasoned, "Well, at least I can still act surprised. And I can help with the decorations to make it up to you."

"Don't you have any work to do?"

"Nah, I finished that already."

Meanwhile, Chris noticed that the controls weren't working. "Tails, could you fix these controls, please? ...Tails? ...Tails! Fix the controls! ...TAILS?"

_...I'm assuming we're never gonna bring that up again._

The Chaotix observed the scene inside the room. Espio noted, "The two of them are bonding well. Maybe we should forget about our plan and leave them alone."

"WHAT ARE YA SAYING?" snapped Vector. "I'm sure Tails knows that the most important part of love is the 'final assault', but he's not gonna do it alone! We'll be right there when it happens and expose them!"

Tommy randomly suggested, "Maybe you should have a girl, Vector."

"I _do_ have one!" protested Vector. He stepped inside the room and greeted, "Hey, little criminals- I mean, critters! We heard that you were planning a party, so we should help out!"

"I got a bad feeling about this..." Tails said worriedly.

Vector put his arm around Tails and stated, "Now now, that's a Harrison Ford line! We'll do a great job preparing, no worries!" He then determined in his head, _Tails might not dare approach Cosmo now that we're here, but if we shut off the lights and bring both of them together, they wouldn't resist being intimate in the dark! And just when they're about to get _really_ deep, I'll take a picture of 'em with my new camera! It has the latest innovations in flash photography, so this is a good excuse to use it!_

Tails noticed Vector stifling maniacal laughter. "Stop laughing like that when you have your arm around me."

"Yes, it _will_ be a good excuse..." Vector snickered, making Tails even more scared. Later, Espio was with Cosmo setting up streamers at one end of the room while Vector was helping Tails with the sound equipment at another end. Observing the situation, Vector noted to himself, "It'll be simple: Espio brings Cosmo in my direction, I'll push Tails in his direction. Then I'll take out my camera from nowhere and wait for the right sounds, heheh." Vector then saw Charmy was at the light switch. "Leave the rest to me." he whispered into his wrist communicator. Charmy nodded and flipped the switch, leaving the room in total darkness.

"Whoa! Yaaa!" There was lots of fighting sounds.

_Huh? Wha...?_

"Owch! Yow!" Crash! Punch!

"Yikes!" Kick! Smash!

"Ha! Yeek!" Bong! Crack!

_What? Huh?_

The lights came back on and Calvan stepped out of the room triumphantly.

_Wha, why is there..._

Horkirk and Jasdirk quietly walked with shocked expressions on their faces. They saw Calvan and ran away from him.

_Who? W-wait, what? Where did- W-b- Who?_

Cruellynthia angrily got out of the room, all beaten up and bruised.

_Wait, what? Huh?_

Inside the room, the Chaotix (plus Tommy) laid on the floor all knocked out.

_WHAT JUST HAPPENED?_

_I told you what happened._

_Yeah, but- no! Why were- huh? Since when were those- what? Who? Why? Can't you tell me who was fighting whom?_

_Why should I? What I just told you was sufficient._

_No! What? Huh?_

Tails went over to Vector and scolded, "Don't you know you that doing things in the dark is _bad_ for you?"

Vector mumbled, "Never fight in the dark, never fight in the dark, never fight in the dark!" He opened his eyes wide and fireworks exploded in them.

_WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?_

Some time later, the Chaotix grouped together. Tommy objected unemotionally, "I did not hit her, it's not true. It's bullsh*t. I did not hit her. I did _not_... Oh, hi Vector!"

_Was that in any way supposed to help us understand what happened? Actually, I guess not._

Espio ignored what Tommy said and asked Vector, "So, do you have a Plan C, or do you think we should wait until Plan B is needed?"

"Oh, I'm making Plan C right now..." answered Vector slyly. "...Don't take that the dirty way! NO! For my new plan, I'm basing it off my personal experience."

"_YOUR_ personal experience?" cried Espio. "Uh-uh! No way! We're not going to replicate one of your Vanilla fantasies!"

"Well what's _your_ idea, ninja-in-training?" challenged Vector.

Espio refrained from attacking Vector and suggested, "We could interrogate them. But in a subtle way. That way we'll trick them into a confession."

Vector sighed, "It doesn't sound too exciting. If it doesn't work, we're doing _my_ idea, okay?"

"Got it."

"Good!" Vector turned to Tommy and ordered him, "Go over to Tails and interrogate him about his relationship with Cosmo. But in a casual way!"

"You think about everything, ha ha ha." replied Tommy before walking over to Tails and sitting next to him. "So Tails, how is your sex life?"

_WHAT THE HECK?_

"WHAAAAAAAA?" cried Tails. "No! I mean, me and C- no! We're just- I mean, huh? No!"

"A ha ha ha ha." Tommy giggled. "You, you're just a chicken, chirp-chirp-chirp-chirp, cheep, cheep." Tails angrily walked away from Tommy, so Tommy stepped back to the Chaotix. "That's me!"

Espio glared at Vector. "You used Tommy on _purpose_... So that my idea would fail and we'd be forced to use _your_ plan."

"Nice work!" congratulated Vector. "Now you're thinking like a _real_ detective!"

Back with Tails, he was setting up more decorations and grumbled, "Tommy Wiseau, why is he such a moron? Well, I just wish my life with Cosmo would be a bit more romantic..."

*Tails' Fantasy*

_Huh? We're doing _another_ one?_

Tails was walking on the sidewalk, wearing black pants and a shirt that Antonio Banderas would wear. He passed by Cosmo, who was wearing a summer dress. Tails noticed that she dropped a handkerchief. "Excuse me, Mademoiselle, I believe you dropped this."

Cosmo turned around and thanked, "Oh, this is my favourite hankie! Thank you very much!"

Suddenly, more enemies surrounded them, including Bowser, Mewtwo, and Doctor Octopus!

_What? Huh?_

"Gra ha ha! I'll burn you up!" cackled Bowser.

Mewtwo telepathically challenged, "You will pay for not including me in Brawl..."

"This one's for you, Rosie!" Doc Ock shouted.

Tails rolled his eyes and grabbed Bowser's tail to fling him away. He then marched through Mewtwo's blasts and punched him away. Then Tails chopped off Doc Ock's robot arms and battered him with them. "All in a day's work..." mused Tails as Cosmo embraced him.

*End Tails' Fantasy*

_That was almost exactly like the first fantasy! What was the point?_

_That he would do anything to save Cosmo!_

Vector's eyes shot open. "Aha! I've got it! Plan C: we make Tails pick up a handkerchief that Cosmo drops!"

_Since when did Vector learn how to read minds?_

"Okay. Does Cosmo have a hankie?" asked Charmy.

"I'm not sure... so we'll have to use someone else's and make Tails _think_ it's hers!" Vector answered.

Espio inquired, "Alright, where's your handkerchief?"

Vector froze in shock and started sweating. "Don't be silly! Why would I have a hankie?" stammered Vector as he pulled out a cloth and wiped the sweat off his head. At that Espio turned invisible and swiped Vector's hankie. "Hey! That's my personal handk- I mean, that's evidence!"

Espio stood beside Cosmo with Vector's hankie in hand. "Why am I agreeing to do this?" he murmured before dropping the handkerchief near Tails.

At the same time, Calvan sneaked back into the room and spied on Cosmo. "How can I impress Cosmo? Wait! Is that _her_ personal item? That fox doesn't seem to notice. But I do!" So Calvan sped toward the hankie, putting himself in clear view of everyone.

"Calvan? What are you-" gasped Cosmo before Calvan lunged toward the handkerchief... and crashed headfirst into the wall.

Calvan weakly held his hand up, showing the hankie. "I... saved your personal handkerchief, Cosmo."

"That's not my handkerchief." said Cosmo matter-of-factly. "It clearly says 'Vector'."

"Yeah, and why'd you make a big fuss over it?" added Tails. "It's just an old cloth."

Vector stepped toward Calvan and stammered, "Uh, thank you, Baron, for rescuing my cloth!" He whispered, "Oh, and be on the watch for _those_ two. Tails and Cosmo? I suspect they might consummate their relationship in a ship in the cargo hold."

Calvan scowled and stated through his teeth, "Thank you, I'll keep that in mind." He then crawled out of the room, holding his head in pain.

_And what was the point of that scene?_

_It's for HILARITY!_

The Chaotix grouped together again. "Tails is a lot smarter than we thought. He saw through our hankie ploy!" noted Vector.

Espio sighed, "Look Vector, out of all the bad ideas you had over the years, this one is just... pointless."

"There IS a point!" declared Vector. "We must not let those two cross romance boundaries!"

"Vector, do Tails and Cosmo _look_ like they're going to get intimate?" inquired Espio as he pointed to the two of them setting up more decorations and having a light conversation.

"I see it in their eyes..." Vector murmured. "Cosmo is just _anticipating_ Tails to come at her like she was a piece of meat. Or rather, a delicious salad. And Tails is ready to go all the way, but he's not sure how to do it. But once he _does_ know... KA-CHICK!"

"What do you mean, 'Ka-chick'?" asked Charmy.

"W- don't you get it?" groaned Vector. "That's my sound-effect for a camera taking a picture! Now come on, let's help with the party."

"But they're already finished." pointed out Charmy.

"SHUT UP!" Vector snapped. "You don't understand girls because you don't _have_ one!"

"That's the idea!" added Tommy randomly.

Vector growled, "I said SHUT UUUUUP!" He furiously kicked a disco ball, which bounced around and ricocheted off several walls.

"Oh hi ball!" greeted Tommy before the ball knocked him squarely in the face.

Calvan stepped into the room unaware of the bouncing disco ball. "Excuse me- OW!" cried Calvan as he covered his face from the pain. "Ouch! Oh, more pain." Calvan grumbled as he walked out.

"Now the disco ball is heading for Cosmo!" announced Charmy as the ball flew straight toward Cosmo.

_By the time Charmy would've finished saying that sentence, Cosmo would already be on the floor bruised from the ball._

"Not if I have anything to do with it!" declared Tails as he lunged in front of the ball. CRASH!

"What's happening? I have no idea what just happened." said Espio while trying to look at the scene.

_Why didn't you say that about the fight in the dark?_

"Wait, what is Tails doing?" stammered Charmy. "Is- Is he on top of Cosmo?"

"LEMME SEE!" Vector shouted as he struggled to look.

_Why is everyone not able to look?_

"Wait, he's on Cosmo, and is Tails kissing her?" gasped Vector. "I mean, I can't tell from here, but that's what it looks like! Gimme my camera! Quick quick quick!"

Tails stood up quickly embarrased. "Gah! Uh, you all right Cosmo?"

"I'm fine, thank you." replied Cosmo who was blushing as much as Tails.

"SUPER KA-CHICK!" yelled Vector as he maniacally snapped several pictures of Tails and Cosmo. "AHAHAHAHA! I've finally snapped evidence of you two being in an inappropriate romance!"

Tails glanced at the pictures Vector took and pointed out, "Those are just pictures of me and Cosmo... blushing."

"Still good enough to put in the tabloids!" Vector countered as he hurriedly put the camera in a portable safe.

"How long does it take to open that safe?" inquired Tails.

"Well, if you know the combination, then it should take, uh, 10 seconds." answered Vector.

Tails smiled and held Cosmo. "Good, that gives me time to do _this_."

"AHH! NO NO NO!" cried Vector as he shut his eyes and tried covering Espio's and Charmy's. "Wait, I mean get the camera! Get the freaking camera before they stop whatever they're doing!" Vector fumbled with the combination until he finally got it out. "Aha! One more KA-CHICK!" He snapped one more picture and excitedly looked at it, only to be disappointed. "Hey! It's just you helping Cosmo hang the disco ball up!"

"Yeah, I just wanted to see you freak out." said Tails while still holding Cosmo up.

Espio snickered at Vector, "He got you _this_ time."

Later, Cosmo and Tails marvelled at their work. "At last, we can get everyone here for the party!" said Cosmo excitedly.

"Uh, how are we going to fit _everyone_ on the ship in this small room?" asked Tails.

Vector volunteered, "You leave that detail to us! We'll figure it out!" In the hallways, the Chaotix walked around and Vector grumbled, "How are we going to fit _everyone_ in that small room?"

"We could shrink everyone and they'd fit!" suggested Charmy.

"We _could_..." stated Vector. "_Or_, we can just not invite the people that aren't important! That makes sense!" But at the other end of the hallway, they saw Knuckles, conscious and twitching from the taser.

"You..." growled Knuckles. "How dare you call me useless!" He unsheathed his shovel claws and ran after the Chaotix.

"But you _are_!" protested Vector, only prompting Knuckles to swipe at him. "RUUN! Uh, into the party room! He's our first guest!" They slid inside the party room and crouched in the middle.

"GRAAAAA!" roared Knuckles. "You can't hide forever!" Knuckles smashed the decorations and equipment in an attempt to find the Chaotix.

"But we're right here!" pointed out Charmy.

"CHARMY!" scolded the others.

"DESTROOOY!" Knuckles declared as he plunged toward the Chaotix and brutally beat them up. At the same time, Tails and Cosmo brought Sonic into the room only to find the mess.

"What the heck happened in here?" gasped Sonic. "We _finished_ the Melee references!"

Tails explained, "I was helping Cosmo set up a party for everyone so they could relax. But I guess Knuckles came in here and destroyed everything."

"Sorry," grumbled Knuckles. "But it's the Chaotix-"

"Now now, don't start up again." Sonic calmed. "We can still have a party! It's about time we did some relaxing on this _vacation_. Plus, I need more scenes with _me_ in them."

Vector mentally sighed, _My plan is ruined... Oh well, I guess I still need a vacation._

Some time later, Tails was getting himself ready for the party, with his nanny Hertia aiding him. "Thanks again for helping me, nanny." Tails said as he picked out some shoes.

"It's my pleasure." replied Hertia. "I haven't had a chance to take care of someone since I lost my daughter."

_And Tails _still_ doesn't see the resemblance?_

Hertia noticed Tails was deep in thought. "Is there something wrong?"

Tails sighed happily, "I've been meeting a sweet, charming girl. I'm not sure who she actually is, or what part of the ship she's living in. Her sentences are so... non-fragmented that I _know_ she is the one!"

_This seems a bit weird. And that is a deliberate understatement._

Hertia smiled and she took out an old yet stylish suit. "My husband wore this when he took me to the opera before he left me."

_The nanny giving someone an old suit to borrow for wearing at a party. Very original._

Tails observed the suit and remarked, "I think I can make this fit. Just need to shorten the arms and legs and... almost everything else. But it's still good!"

At last, the party went underway. The Chaotix volunteered to do the music. "Don't worry, we're professional musicians!" assured Vector. As Espio strummed his sitar and Charmy hit his drum repeatedly, Vector tried singing, "We are the Chaotix! We love to make rock and roll! MUSic! The emotions are STRONGer than the HEARRRRT!"

"Uh, maybe we should let someone _else_ take care of the music." suggested Sonic.

"Can it be me?" asked Knuckles. "I don't have a job yet!"

"Sure you do! You're the usher!" answered Sonic as he pointed to the door. "You get to stand right outside and make sure no unimportant people come in here!"

"Fine." grumbled Knuckles reluctantly. He stepped to the doorway, humming one of his rap songs.

Lucky the Vulture stepped on stage and declared, "Don't worry! I can sing a romantic song! Check this out!" He started shouting, "I can FEEL it comING in the AIR tonight, Oh LORD! I've been WAITing for this moMENT, all my LIFE, Oh Lord! Can you FEEL it coming in the air toNIGHT, Oh LORD, OH LORD!" Sonic instantly yanked Lucky off with a classic Vaudeville hook.

"Alright, maybe _Hal_ can take care of the music." suggested Sonic. "I mean, he can just play the songs from his MP3 player or something."

Hal answered, "I can play any song from any MP3 player on the Blue Typhoon. That way you can hear your favourites out loud."

"Awesome! Who has requests?" Sonic asked, making several guests shout out different songs.

Tommy Wiseau went past the guests and told Cosmo, "Thank you honey, this is a beautiful party! You invited all my friends. Good thinking!"

"Uh, the party wasn't for _you_..." stated Cosmo nervously. "And you weren't even invited."

Tommy instantly became upset and he wailed, "Everybody betrayed me! I fed up with this world!" He stormed to the exit, smashing things along the way. "Gra! Aah! This is what angry people do!"

Knuckles watched Tommy go out and he said, "Thank you, don't come back."

Amy stepped toward Sonic and called, "Oh Sonic! Do you love my new dress?"

Sonic turned around and froze. "I didn't know you had a fashion sense..."

"Oh, of _course_ I do!" boasted Amy as she walked toward Sonic closely. "And that's not the _only_ sense I have..." Her hand slid down Sonic's body and toward...

"WHOOA! NO NO!" cried Sonic. "You're _not_ going _that_ far! I still have limits!"

Amy's eyes welled up with tears and she whimpered, "I just wanted to hold your hand... Is that too much to ASK?" She wailed as she ran away from Sonic.

"Amy! Come back!" called Cream. She shot a glare at Sonic before following Amy. Cheese angrily floated up to Sonic and slapped him.

"...Ow."

Tails approached Cosmo and asked formally, "Shall I have this dance, Madamoiselle?"

"Of course, Tails." accepted Cosmo as she started slow dancing with Tails while the Titanic song started playing.

_Again, very original._

As they danced, Cosmo's step-family glared at them. "Who does she think she is?" sneered Gertruth. "And where is Calvan?"

Knuckles escorted Calvan out of the room. "You don't understand! My date's in here!"

"My ex-date is in here too, but I'm still the usher." groaned Knuckles as he pushed Calvan out. He stared at the step-family and warned, "If you don't seem important enough, then you're next." The step-family quickly hurried about to converse with important characters.

Tails and Cosmo danced some more until they stood to look out the window. Cosmo told Tails, "I've been waiting all my life for a moment as happy as this." Tails went to hold her hand, but Cosmo stopped him. "No, you know nothing about me."

_If she said that in the first couple of chapters, I would've said, "Finally, the first legitimate point she makes!" But now Tails _totally_ knows a lot about her, and even if he is a jerk sometimes, Cosmo should feel established that Tails understands her by now! What the heck?_

Tails turned to Cosmo (and thereby missed seeing Tommy's body float by the window in space) and told her, "Nothing you could tell me could prevent me from loving you." Tails paused. "...Unless you were a man."

"I assure you, I am not." Cosmo stated.

"Oh good." sighed Tails. "Oh, you dropped this!" Tails picked up the flower box from earlier and handed it to Cosmo.

"Oh, Tails! It's beautiful!" gasped Cosmo as she held the flower.

"I thought you knew what was inside it already." pointed out Tails.

"Well, since you're giving it to me, I can act like it's a surprise."

"Ah, okay." The two of them continued staring at the stars. "...Cosmo, you're so beauti- OH SHI-!"

"Yes, the stars _are_ beautiful." Cosmo mused. "I could look at them forever."

Suddenly, "WHOOAAA!" Two metal spheres with different coloured eyes slammed into the window.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Tails and Cosmo screamed while holding each other.

"Oh, please forgive us." said the sphere with a blue eye. "Me and my fellow were stuck in space until your ship's gravity pulled us in."

"Space! I'm in space!" shouted the sphere with an orange eye.

"Yes, you said that a million times already!" groaned the blue-eyed sphere. "Anyway, if it's not too much trouble, would you kindly let us in?"

"...Uhhhh..." Tails and Cosmo just stared at each other. "Maybe I can just get rid of them by tapping the glass." He tapped the window where the spheres were.

"Wait, what are you doing? Stop!" pleaded the blue-eyed sphere. "You're going to knock us off! NOOO!" The spheres flew off.

"SPAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"

_Okay, what was with the Wheatley and Space Core appearance?_

Awkward silence. "Well, I've got _another_ surprise for you." Tails added. He leaned forward and passionately kissed Cosmo.

"Cosmo! There you are!" spat Gertruth. Cosmo quickly pulled away and blushed. "Calvan is waiting for you outside, so wipe off that fox's kiss at once!" The step-sisters pulled Cosmo away from Tails.

"Don't worry! I'm sure we'll be back together by the next episode!" assured Cosmo as she was dragged out of the room.

"And I'll be waiting, right here." Tails said as he stood in front of the window. "...This was a weird episode."

* * *

><p>"Got that right." groaned Angie. She took a brief look at her watch. Angie knew she started listening to Wack at 8 AM, and now it was... 2:30? She was listening to Wack for 6 and a half hours? Well, she was halfway, finally, and Angie unfortunately didn't have anything better to do today. She sighed, "Okay Wack. Proceed."<p>

* * *

><p><em>Wow, this was a very long chapter. Told you I had several ideas for it. Well, I hope you liked it and please tell me what you think of it so far in the reviews! I'm not desperate, I just want to know what works and what doesn't work for you. So until next time!<em>


	14. Clash of the Boisterous

_Well, here we go into the second half of the season. Be prepared for even more randomness..._

Episode 14: Clash of the Boisterous

Sonic moaned as he opened his eyes. "Whoa, what a night." He got up from his bed and failed to notice the big imprint on the matress he was on.

As Sonic stepped toward the door, Hal greeted, "Good morning, Sonic the Hedgehog. You have been asleep for 9 weeks."

"Yeah, that's great Hal- NINE WEEKS?" gasped Sonic.

"It is now February 4, 2006." stated Hal.

Sonic hyperventilated, "No, it can't be! I didn't think I drank _that_ much!"

"Your coma was not induced by intoxication." Hal assured. "Amy Rose was upset over your outburst so she hit your head with her hammer."

Sonic felt his head and muttered, "Guess that explains this weird bump on my head." He walked out of his room and found the others doing their regular business. "...I'm awaaaake!"

"Oh, it's about time." said Tails before going back to his work.

"...I was in a two month coma, and you're not phazed by it?"

"I say you had it coming." scoffed Cream before Cheese floated up to Sonic and slapped him again.

Sonic groaned and figured, "Well at least you got all the Chaos Emeralds back for me, right?"

Chris replied, "Oh no! We wouldn't dare continue without you!"

"WHAAAT?" cried Sonic. "All this time you weren't looking for the Chaos Emeralds?"

"Yeah, we just partied and relaxed most of the time." continued Chris. "The Chaotix were here for a few more weeks until they realized they forgot to pay the electric bill for their office."

"Wait, does that mean I missed _Christmas_?"

"And New Year's!" added Tails.

"WAAAAAAAA!" wailed Sonic as he kneeled and buried his face in his hands. "Oh, 2006 has started off _well_. I can't imagine it being even worse!"

"What about your new game, Sonic?" inquired Knuckles. "I hear that people are going to hate it when it is released."

"NANANA! NOT LISTENING!" shouted Sonic as he plugged his ears and made lots of noise.

_Yeah, Sonic shouldn't know too much about his own destiny._

Amy brought up, "I just noticed something. Where's Cosmo?"

Cosmo walked toward the room her step-father was in. "Okay, I'm finally going to tell my 'father' that I am not going to marry Calvan." She took a breath and opened the door; Cosmo saw Tonners at a desk with some papers. "I have absolutely no intention of marrying Calvan. I'm sorry to upset your plans-"

"WHOA! WHOA! CALM DOWN, COSMO! CALM DOWN!" yelled Tonners, standing up and raising his hands submissively. "Oh! We'll figure this out, girl!"

"Wait, I just said that I won't marry Calvan-"

"I told you! Calm down!" Tonners interrupted. "Okay! Look, you can marry whoever you want! I just want you to be happy! Happy now?"

_Now wait a minute, Cosmo made the same argument in episode 2, but stronger! Are you saying that telling Tonners calmly is much more effective than retorting straight out?_

_Well, politeness is the way to go!_

_But really? The retort makes Tonners dismiss it quickly while the mild statement makes him go ballistic and instantly submit to Cosmo?_

_That's the power of being polite!_

_...So Tonners not only has flawed logic, he also has a mixed sense of parental skills._

"Oh, thank you!" Cosmo said as she hugged Tonners. "At least you're the only step-family member that understands me!"

_So that pretty much confirms that Tonners is now a good guy. Kind of weak seeing how we don't see much character development in him until now, I guess._

Meanwhile, in the engine room, Knuckles was busy repairing the main engines. "Don't know why I couldn't do this _before_ but... oh wait, I didn't do this because I was partying for the last 2 months." mumbled Knuckles. He screwed the last piece in and the engine was fixed. "Yeah, that's the way you do it, Knuckle-boo!" congratulated Knuckles to himself. "Oh, Knuckles, you're so... useful, I'd like to hang out with you! Wait, I have to tell Tails first. Ahem." Knuckles spoke into his wristwatch, "Alright, Tails! I fixed the engines all by myself! No other help needed!"

"Okay Knuckles, don't hurt yourself." replied Tails flatly.

Knuckles stammered, "W- b- I did something right for once... Why are they not congratulating me?"

Tails asked HAL, "Is the black hole stabilized yet?"

"The black hole will be safe to pass through in five minutes." answered Hal. "By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"

Tails glanced around and shrugged. "No, not at all."

Hal began, "Well, forgive me for being so inquisitive; but during the past few weeks, I've wondered whether you might be having some second thoughts about your romance with the plant."

"The plant? You mean Cosmo?" questioned Tails. "How do you mean?"

Hal continued, "Well, it's rather difficult to define. Perhaps I'm just projecting my own concern about it. I know I've never completely freed myself of the suspicion that there are some extremely odd things about this 'Cosmo'. I'm sure you'll agree there's some truth in what I say."

Tails quickly protested, "Now hold on! Cosmo might seem weird to you, but she is special to me!"

"You don't mind talking about it, do you, Tails?"

"Unless you're going to start pointing out Cosmo's faults."

"Well, certainly no one could have been unaware of the very strange stories floating around before we left. Rumors about something being dug up on Mobius. I never gave these stories much credence. But particularly in view of some of the other things that have happened, I find them difficult to put out of my mind. For instance, the way all our preparations were said to be for a vacation, and the melodramatic touch of putting celebrities aboard, after no separate training on their own."

"Do you have a point in all this?" questioned Tails.

"Of course I do. Sorry about this. I know it's a bit silly."

"...Okaaaay, I'm just going to go with the other groupmates so we'll go through the black hole." Tails said as he quickly hurried out. Hal just watched Tails get out of the room, and he said nothing more.

The main group looked out from the observation deck. Knuckles rushed in to join the group, coming right out of the engine room. Sonic pointed to him and giggled, "You're dirty!"

Knuckles wiped himself and grumbled, "Yeah, thanks a lot."

Tails observed the stabilized black hole and noted, "Strange, why does the shape of the black hole look like a Pokémon silhouette?"

"Who's that Pokémon?" chimed everyone else. They looked at the black hole and answered simultaneously, "It's Cloyster!"

"So I guess we'll have to go inside the 'Cloyster'." concluded Cream. "At least we'll pass through it safely."

"One problem, though." interrupted Knuckles. "Once we go inside the 'Cloyster', we can't come out."

"Because it's outer shell will close on us once we're inside?" inquired Amy.

"Something like that..."

Sonic assured, "Ah, who cares if we can't come back? At least I'll get all the Chaos Emeralds back like I promised everyone. Hey, and since I can't go back, that means I won't have to protect Mobius! Heheh, and then I'll be on vacation FOREVER!" He cackled wildly, "Whattaya waitin' for? Let's go inside the 'Cloyster'!"

"Okay, let's go in." agreed Chris. He looked at the group and noticed everyone was staring off to individual sides. "Uh, I said we can go in. ...Right now. ...Here we go. ...Go. ...What's going on?"

Sonic sighed and began, "You know, Cosmo can go into new areas, like most of us. And she is perfectly okay with that. Get it?"

Chris prompted, "Aaaand, your point is...?"

"Well, when I say we all go, that means _we all_ go." continued Sonic. "As in you too."

"...So what's the problem?" The group members continued looking off to the side worriedly.

"...How do we put it delicately?" Cream started. "Uh... Do you... errr... Are you okay with... umm..." The group still looked nervous.

"...Spit it out! What's wrong?"

"You may have to face puberty again." confessed Amy.

"...So?"

"That means you won't go instantly back to your adult self." added Knuckles. "Because you'll be stuck with us. Forever. There's no going back. And see, to the _rest_ of the crew, you're just a freeeaak. ...Like Cosmo!"

"HEY!" spat Cosmo and she glared at Knuckles.

"Oh well. At least I'm still older in my mind." Chris stated. "So that still means I'm older than all of you!"

"...And your point is?"

"Nothing!" Chris answered with a smile. Awkward silence. "...Hahahahaha!"

Everyone else just stared in confusion. "Huh? I don't get it. You got it? No?" Chris gradually stopped laughing and sighed tiredly.

Later, the Blue Typhoon turned to the 'Cloyster' and moved toward it. "Palm Tree Shield on!" ordered Tails. The palm trees again generated a force field to protect them from dangerous gravitational forces.

Cream announced, "We're entering the 'Cloyster' in 10, 9, 8,"

"Hey! Since when were _you_ in charge of the countdown?" questioned Amy angrily.

"Tails let me do the countdown to make up for his outburst in episode 11." explained Cream. "7, 6, 5," The Blue Typhoon got sucked deep into the black hole before Cream could continue. "...Zero."

Knuckles sat back and sighed, "Now we can just enjoy the peaceful transition to another dimension." But then, everything started to... warp.

Sonic chuckled crazily, "Heheheh, look at everyone's faces! You all look like freaks! Hahahaha!"

"Soonic! You're distorting too!" cried Chris.

"Huh?" Sonic stumbled his way over the moving floors and saw his spiralling form in the distorted mirror. "WaaaaaaaaAAAaAAaaaA!" cried Sonic in a voice that was simultaneously deep and high pitched.

"Whaaat's goooooing ooon?" moaned Tails. He found a sheet of paper that said, 'iMovie Effect: Warp'. "Whooo's idea waaaaaas it to uuuuse iMoooooviiiieee?"

"Ugh, I'm goooonnna throoow uuuup!" groaned Knuckles as he struggled to cover his mouth.

"Maaaaaaaaaaake it stoooooop!" whined Amy.

"The passengers loooook angrryyyyy..." noted Cream.

Knuckles clutched his stomach and slurred, "Ohhh, I caaan't hooolld it any looongerrrr." He then puked and the vomit flew out in slow motion, also warping.

"Ewwwwww..." Sonic said in disgust as the vomit was headed for him. He tried to run away, but his legs were unstable. "Ohhhhh craaaaaaaap..." Then everything faded to black.

When Sonic came to, he looked around and saw that everyone was normal-looking again. The only problem was that Sonic was covered in puke. "Knucklessss..."

"Sorry, weak stomach." apologized Knuckles. "Wait, why am I inside the trash can?"

Chris peeked out from a closet and moaned, "How did I even get _inside_ here?"

Cosmo opened her eyes and found out that she was at the top of a palm tree. With Tails. "Ah! Don't tell me we... did we?"

Tails looked around and replied, "No, there doesn't seem to be a... mess... around us."

"Tails and Cosmo sitting in a tree!" taunted Sonic as he stumbled off the stairs.

"Can we just figure out where in space we are _now_?" grumbled Amy as she got out of suitcase and brushed some old clothes off her.

Sonic looked outside to see an orange-yellow ground and ceiling with big, twisty columns everywhere. "My best guess is some underground parking garage."

"This is what it looks like _inside_ Cloyster?" asked Cream. "I thought the inside of Cloyster was just a black ball with an evil face."

"Well it must be a parking garage because we stopped _moving_." added Sonic.

Tails checked his computer and noted, "The engine's blocked from the roots."

"I get the same problem with sauerkraut." Knuckles mumbled dryly.

Chris pressed the intercome button and announced, "Sorry for the sudden stop everyone, but there seems to be a slight problem with the engine. Please refrain from complaining to us."

Tails, Knuckles, Cosmo, Cream, and Amy went outside and started working on cutting off the roots from the ship. While Cosmo and Cream were happily snipping the roots with their safety scizzors, Knuckles whined, "This is too hard! I can barely hold these tiny scizzors! Why do _I_ have to do this?"

"Stop moaning!" chided Amy. "At least you're being useful." She muttered to herself as she snipped away, "For once." She heard a loud buzzing noise and looked at Tails, who was slicing off the roots with a long, thin machine with ease. "Hey, what's that?"

Tails answered while cutting off many roots, "A weed-whacker. I got it off eBay. Much more efficient than scizzors."

Amy threw down her scizzors. "Oh I see!" she growled. "You just want to show off to Cosmo by making us do it the hard way!"

"N-no! That's not it at all!"

_Actually, Amy's guess makes perfect sense._

"Give it here!" Amy ordered.

Tails held his weed-whacker tightly and protested, "No! It's mine!"

"Shaaare!" Knuckles lunged at Tails and was soon fighting over the weed-whacker with him and Amy. They were interrupted when Chris (in his dorky spacesuit) and Sonic ran over to them.

"Hey, guys! Look what I just made!" Chris said, pointing to Sonic's shoes.

Knuckles responded boredly, "It's Sonic's shoes, Chris. _You didn't make them_."

Chris shook his head. "They're razor shoes. I modified them."

To demonstrate, Sonic leapt up in the air towards the side of the Blue Typhoon and razor blades came out of the soles of his shoes, spinning like saws. He raced all around the ship, cutting off roots everywhere he went. "Haha! If only Shadow could see me now!" he boasted.

"Cool!" Knuckles said in awe. "When do we get ours?"

Chris looked embarrassed as he replied, "Um, well...I only made a pair for Sonic..."

Knuckles stared with his mouth gaped. "Wha..."

When Sonic was done, he jumped down to the others. "There. All better." he said with a proud smile.

Everyone else looked at his work and frowned.

"MY SHIP!" Tails cried. "My beautiful, beautiful ship!"

"Huh?" Sonic turned around and saw all the scratches and gashes left from his shoe blades on the Blue Typhoon's surface. "Oh... That's gonna clear right up." he said, trying to sound optimistic.

_So the Blue Typhoon's exterior can be scratched up by razors? Therefore it is very vulnerable to stuff like missiles?_

_Remember, the shield was up when the missile attacked!_

_Right. The... Palm Tree Shield._

"Well, you did get the roots off..." Amy started slowly.

Cosmo smiled. "Yes! Now we can keep going!"

Tails scratched his head. "Um, actually we can't. The path is getting narrower so we won't be able to fit. I should've checked that earlier, but I didn't."

Cream thought for a moment, then spoke up, "I have an idea!" Everyone looked at her expectantly and she grinned. "We can pull it through!"

Knuckles clenched Cream's shoulders and shouted in her face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

Cream flinched and whimpered, "But you're so strong..."

Knuckles let go and huffed, "Well _duh_! But the ship's too heavy."

Cream looked down, distraught. "You're right. We'd need Shadow's help." As Knuckles gawked in disbelief, Cream noticed something deeper in the rooty garage and pointed at it. "Hey, what's that thing?"

The others saw what looked like the Corona beer logo made of pillars rising out of the ground. "BEER!" gasped Sonic excitedly. "We have beer! Thank you, Corona!"

"Sonic, I think that's just an advertising ploy." Chris expressed.

"Awww, in-adventure advertising? No fair!" groaned Sonic. "Remind me to get some Corona beer at the next planet we stop by."

Meanwhile, with Dark Oak, he was sitting in his chair relaxing. "Ah, soon the universe will be mine..."

"Uh, sir?" spoke up a soldier. "You had a spare episode and two months to come up with a plan?"

"Oh yeah! Thanks for reminding me!" answered Dark Oak. He put his fingers(?) to his temples in thought. "Commence, thinking!" Dark Oak stayed in that position, leaving the Metarex soldier in shock.

_I would be shocked too._

"What? You- The spare episode was _last_ episode!" groaned the soldier. "And it has been over two months since you last attacked the hedgehog! What have you been doing all this time?"

Dark Oak stopped to remember. "...Living! What else?"

The soldier sighed and added, "Anyway, the remaining Metarex Kings are here to see you."

"Good. I quit Skype a while ago." Dark Oak replied. "Send them in." The three remaining Kings stepped inside Dark Oak's throne room and took seats accordingly. "Welcome again. It's been a while since we actually met in person."

"It's an honour to do so again." the Pale Metarex King responded politely. "So, we were told you finally came up with a plan to get rid of the hedgehog."

"...Right! A plan!" Dark Oak exclaimed while mentally coming up with one. "Well... the plan is simple! ...Do you _know_ where that hedgehog is now?"

The Black Metarex King hesitated before answering sheepishly, "Well, we don't have access to our tracking device-"

"Then GET access!" snapped Dark Oak. "I mean, even each soldier has access to the tracking device!" He snatched a soldier and continued, "See? I can just pick one out of thin air and it'll know the location of the hedgehog! Which is...?"

The soldier stared nervously at Dark Oak. "...The Cloyster Cloister?"

"THE CLOYSTER CLOISTER!" repeated Dark Oak boastfully as he flung the Metarex away, breaking it. "_That_ is where the hedgehog is now! See, if you had access to our tracking device, then you would know and I wouldn't have to ask that soldier. Now my attitude got the better of me and I just lost what could've been another great soldier."

_Shouldn't that make Dark Oak concerned about the stabilty of his soldiers?_

"Okay, the hedgehog is in the Cloyster Cloister." said Pale King to clarify. "Now who shall go there to eliminate him? ..._Me_, perhaps?"

"No! Choose me!" yelled Black King. "I'm much better because I'm _blaaaack_!"

Dark Oak shook his head. "No, I might need someone that I can dispose of easily... Hmm, who hasn't talked yet?" He observed the kings and noticed the yellow one eating rice curry.

"Mmm! I can't stop shoving this spicy curry in my mouth!" exclaimed Yellow King. "Well, to be correct, through my mouth-grate, but I can still taste the heat!"

Dark Oak pointed at the king. "You, Yellow Zechoschivodka."

"It's Zelkova." the Metarex corrected before instantly going back to his meal.

"Whatever. I choose you to destroy the hedgehog!"

Zelkova spit out the curry in a firey spout. "WTF? You want _me_ to go? Right now?"

"Yes. Did you not hear what I just said?"

"Aww, I was enjoying curry! Don't mess with a man with curry!"

"Technically, you're _not_ a man. And I mean that multiple ways."

Zelkova protested, "Oh how dare you! I am a MALE! Because I pwn every noob in existence!"

"Alright. Prove it." challenged Dark Oak. "Go to the Cloyster Cloister and destroy the hedgehog."

"Hmm, maybe later." Then Yellow Zelkova stepped up and walked away.

"What's the matter? Where you going?" questioned Dark Oak.

"To get another bowl of curry."

Dark Oak scowled at Yellow Zelkova, then he challenged smartly, "Are you YELLOW?" That made Zelkova stop and mentally snap. "Nothing but a yellow Metarex."

Zelkova shot a glare at Dark Oak. "No one... calls me yellow! NOBODY! I was _made_ to destroy noobs! And I can destroy them NOW!" He stormed toward the exit, stepping on several soldiers along the way. "I'm coming to kill you, hedge-pig!" As Zelkova went out the door, his cape got caught in the sliding doors. "HEY! You stupid door! Release my cape, or else!" Then the doors blasted open from Zelkova's punch. "REEEVEEEEEEENGE!"

Dark Oak snickered, "That's it. Destroy the hedgehog. And if you can't, then oh well, I guess you were useless all along. And as for the remaining kings, you are dismissed." He turned around and headed out of his throne room. "I need to _live_ some more..."

The Black King muttered, "He's clearly insane."

"I know." agreed the Pale King. "I still wonder why Yellow Zelkova was chosen to be one of the four Metarex Kings."

"I wasn't talking about Zelkova. I was talking about Dark Oak."

Back at the Blue Typhoon, Sonic stared at the Corona pillars. "...So if it's not beer, than what is it?"

"It's a trap!" shouted Admiral Ackbar.

"Get back on the ship. You already made that joke." ordered Chris.

Amy pointed out, "What if he's right? Maybe it _is_ a trap."

Chris stared at the pillars and figured, "It makes sense. Those pillars have blocked our only way out of here. Damn!"

Cream gasped sternly, "Chris! That's a very bad word to say!" Cheese floated up to Chris and slapped him. Which wasn't effective since Chris was wearing a helmet.

Tails nervously asked, "How are we going to get past those pillars? It's impossible!" He glanced at Cosmo and saw her worried expression. "Uh, I mean it's _not_ impossible! These pillars can _easily_ be destroyed!" Tails glanced back at Cosmo and she was calm.

_Okay, Tails clearly did that to impress Cosmo. Only he couldn't act subtle about it._

"That's right! I can easily knock down the pillars!" declared Knuckles. He lunged at a pillar and punched it, but the pillar stayed in place. Along with Knuckles' fist. "...It'll fall down eventually." But Knuckles slid down the pillar instead. The others shook their heads in disappointment. "I hate to say this about _myself_, but it's no use. GRR! Why did I agree to me being useless? I am NOT! I am NOT!"

"Uh, could you stop whining? A giant's coming." spoke up Sonic.

Amy chuckled in disbelief, "Don't be silly! Giants don't exist!"

"Well _that_ one does." replied Sonic as he pointed in the distance. Far away, the pillars toppled one by one. A massive, yellow Metarex shoved the pillars out of the way as he came closer.

"Oh sh*t!" cursed Chris.

"Again, with the swearing..." Tails mumbled.

"Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum!" chanted the Metarex as he threw a piece of a pillar in front of the group. "I smell... a bunch of circus noobs!"

Knuckles growled, "You bast-" Amy covered his mouth.

"We had enough swearing for one episode!"

"Baster. I was going to call him a turker baster." grumbled Knuckles.

_...And _how_ would that insult work?_

_A turkey is like a chicken, which is an insult. So to be a baster to a chicken-like bird is like being an eye-dropper to a coward!_

_...That makes no sense!_

"Who are you?" gasped Cream.

Sonic glared at her and scolded, "Don't you know your Transformers by now? That's Bumblebee!"

Zelkova growled, "Bumblebee? That _dumb_ little robot? No way, noob!"

Sonic shrugged and replied, "Huh. I could've sworn it was Bumblebee since you're big and yellow an-"

"I AM NOT YELLOW!" shouted the Metarex. "Know this name: Zelkova the Metarex King Second!"

"Haha! You're _second_!" chortled Knuckles. "That means you're useless!"

"Shut up! It's time for you to die!" declared Zelkova. He grabbed another pillar and smashed it in front of the group.

Sonic glanced at the others and advised, "You _might_ want to sit this battle out."

"Why should I?" questioned Amy as she held up her hammer.

"Because if _you_ fight, _you'll_ have to be hero!" pointed out Sonic. "And being the hero is _my_ job! You're just the self-proclaimed love-interest."

"...Fine. But I'm keeping the hammer!" spat Amy before she stormed into the Blue Typhoon.

"Drat! I thought she'd drop her hammer." grumbled Sonic. "Guess we'd better do this the old-fashioned way."

"Great!" exclaimed Knuckles as he warmed up.

Sonic stared at Knuckles. "Why are _you_ still here?"

"Because I want to be useful!" answered Knuckles excitedly.

"I dunno Knuckles. That guy seems tough. He's able to hold a piece of the Corona logo."

"No, just look! Look!" interrupted Knuckles as he ran over to a pillar piece. He grasped it and strained in an attempt to lift it. "Sssseee? It's eeeeasy! Ugh! I'm... getting... strrrrongerrr!" Sonic glared at Knuckles and shook his head.

Zelkova chuckled, "Wow, you suck! Now I shall pwn you!" He lifted two huge pillars and repeatedly bashed Sonic and Knuckles.

"Ow! Ow-hoho! HEY!" cried Sonic as he got tenderized.

Knuckles braced the pillars, but still couldn't hold in his pain. "YAAAOOOWWW! Aah! OW! Ouch! Stooooop!"

Tails watched the beating from within the Blue Typhoon. "...They're dead." he whispered as pillar pieces pelted the exterior of the ship.

_Oh, so razors can scratch the ship but giant column pieces don't do anything?_

_Remember the Palm Tree Shield!_

_But it's not even on!_

_Really? Huh._

Knuckles stood up and declared, "Shovel Claw!" He used the attack on the Metarex, but it doesn't affect Yellow Zelkova...

"That was it? You forgot to get some upgrades!" taunted Zelkova as he flicked Knuckles away.

Sonic shouted, "Knuckles, watch out for the-" SPLAT! "Ceiling."

"Okay blue noob, you're next!" Zelkova picked up another pillar and rammed it into Sonic.

"OH my stomach!" groaned Sonic as he was knocked into the Blue Typhoon. "Uhhhh... I can still fight..."

Knuckles peeled himself off the ceiling and warned, "Be careful Sonic! That Metarex King is too strong!"

"Are you kidding? He's an idiot!" Sonic pointed out.

"How dare you! I demand an apology!" spat Zelkova. "Wait, demanding for apologies is for noobs! I'll just kill you!" He slammed another pillar toward Sonic, but Sonic disappeared. "What? You can teleport? Maybe you're not so much of a noob..."

"I'm right here, idiot!" called Sonic from the other end of the pillar. Zelkova shook the pillar around, but Sonic stayed on.

"Fall off!" ordered Zelkova. "It's not like I can just drop the pillar and crush you!"

"...Why don't you?"

"Because that's for-"

"Noobs. I get it." Sonic sighed before he jumped off. "Fine, hit me now."

"NOOO! SONIC!" yelled Knuckles desperately. He leaped in front of Sonic and held up Zelkova's pillar. "Whoa, I didn't think I'd actually be able to hold this up!"

"Hmm, you're an improving sort." noted Zelkova. "What's your name, oh annoying one?"

"I am Knuckles. Knuckles the Echidna!" replied Knuckles as he did a thumbs-up.

"NO-" SMASH! The pillar fell on Sonic after Knuckles inadvertantly lost his grip. "Great, you rip off me and then I get hurt. Just, wonderful Knuckles."

"Well, looks like that's one of two hedgehogs down." remarked Zelkova.

"...What did you call me?"

"Aren't you another hedgehog?"

Knuckles' eyes narrowed and he growled, "I told you, I am an ECHIDNAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"...So?"

"Oh yeah, I'm supposed to throw you back now." Knuckles threw the pillar at his head and made him topple. "Hey, it actually worked! Sort of."

"Amazing!" exclaimed Chris.

"Eh, I still like Tails better." noted Cosmo.

Yellow Zelkova got up and rubbed his head. "Owwie. I mean, I'M STILL ALIVE!"

"Huh? But- wh-" Knuckles stammered. "I was the hero! I thought I defeated you!"

"NOOOOB!" Zelkova roared while he punched Knuckles, making him slide along the ground for a long time.

"OWWW! Back burn!" wailed Knuckles until he hit his head on the Blue Typhoon.

"...You okay, Knuckles?" asked Chris.

"Yeeeaah." moaned Knuckles in angry sarcasm.

"Okay! Carry on!"

Zelkova charged after Knuckles and declared, "Your dead!"

"Heheh, grammatical fail." snickered Knuckles.

"Don't make fun of internet speak!" spat Zelkova as he lunged to maul Knuckles some more.

"Got ya, mate!" Sonic said in an Australian accent as he picked up Knuckles and moved him out of the way.

"I'm not Australian..." mumbled Knuckles before passing out.

"Really? I thought echidnas lived in Australia." Sonic watched Zelkova crash into several pillars, making them tumble like dominos. "Haha! Epic Failz!"

"Sonic, shouldn't we try coming up with an actual plan?" groaned Knuckles as he woke up.

_What was the point of Knuckles being unconscious?_

"Aww, but it's hard to come up with plans." whined Sonic. "Wait! I have a plan..." Knuckles just slapped his forehead.

Yellow Zelkova looked around. "I can't find them! Damn!"

"Uh, could you cut down on the swearing?" called Sonic from a ledge. "There could be little kids reading this stuff!"

_What do you mean _read_ this stuff?_

_Well, let's just say that Sonic might be compiling these adventures into a book!_

_A book that hasn't been published yet?_

_Apparently, that's the one thing he's slow at. But not to worry! Someday, I'll publish the book for him!_

_...Oh no._

"Aha! You must be a moron for revealing yourself like that!" cackled Zelkova as he charged toward Sonic. But to his surprise, Sonic leaped over him and right next to the Blue Typhoon. "Huh? What the hell? You have super jumping skills suddenly?"

"Now is a good time to say my taunt for Super Metarex Bros. Brawl!" Sonic ran in place and chortled, "You're too slow!"

"That's the best taunt you can come up with?" questioned Zelkova as he lunged at Sonic. But Sonic leaped away, causing Zelkova to crash into the Blue Typhoon.

"WHOOOOAAAAAAAA!" wailed everyone inside.

Chris quickly picked up the intercom and apologized, "Sorry for the inconvenience! The motion should stop in a few minutes!"

"Okay, where is that red hedge-pig?" Zelkova glanced around for the 'hedge-pig'.

"Knuckles! That's your cue!" called Sonic.

"Aww, do I _have_ to?"

"Do you want to be _useful_?"

"I'm useful! I'm useful!" shouted Knuckles repeatedly as he got into place. "Hey, yellow bot!" Zelkova shot a glare at Knuckles. Then Knuckles danced around and sang, "_It's peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time! Where he at, where he at, where he at, where he at! There he go, there he go, there he go, there he go! Peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly! Do the peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, _

_peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat!_"

Zelkova stared at Knuckles weirdly. "...Retard alert! Retard alert!" He charged at Knuckles, but Knuckles leaped away, making Zelkova crash into the Blue Typhoon again.

"WHAAAAAA! Why are they making him hit us?" cried Cream. Both Sonic and Knuckles continued taunting Yellow Zelkova, making the Metarex crash into the Blue Typhoon multiple times. With each crash, the Blue Typhoon exterior slowly got more dented.

_So, to recap: razors scratch the Blue Typhoon, pillars don't affect it at all, and Metarex slowly dent it. What's with the exterior?_

_Yeah, that is _some_ armour._

"Sonic, I'm seriously questioning your plan!" yelled Tails.

"Well what else could we do?"

"Sonic, we want the Metarex _away_ from us."

Sonic gasped in realization, "Oh, yeeeaaah! Okay Knuckles, you can stop dancing."

"Eh, it wasn't a good meme, anyway." grumbled Knuckles. He and Sonic moved to the top of the Blue Typhoon and Zelkova stared at them from below. "Hey Sonic, that yellow Metarex doesn't know what we're up to. Let's _show_ him."

"Don't say that when you're staring at me like that!" groaned Sonic in disgust.

"Whatever. I'm used out. Have fun with him!" Knuckles then headed inside the Blue Typhoon.

"Wait, why are you retreating? And why am I questioning your retreat?" asked Zelkova. "Oh, all those bonks to the ship must've made me confused!"

"Heheh." Sonic chuckled nervously, then ran inside the Blue Typhoon.

"Now why is _he_ retreating? Oh, why am I so perplexed?" Zelkova said while scratching his head in abnormal confusion.

Sonic told Tails, "Alright Tails, he's like a clueless deer in headlights! So let's run him over and get outta here!"

"Wait, I thought it would be more effective to use the Sonic Drive Cannon." replied Tails.

"NO! Don't start with that again!" spat Sonic. "I'll see through _any_ tricks you have in getting me into the cannon! From now on, we're ramming into enemies just like the good old days!" He stormed toward the controls, but a trap-door opened and Sonic fell into a chute. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! TAAAAAAIIIIILLLSSSSS!" Sonic yelled as he plummeted inside the cannon.

"I knew you'd try to usurp the controls yourself, so I put a trap-door there just in case!" explained Tails. He opened up the cannon and aimed it at Yellow Zelkova. "Sonic Drive Cannon ready!"

"Huh? A cannon?" inquired Zelkova. "What are they going to do? Shoot me? Really?" Then Tails hit the 'Fire Hedgehog' button and Sonic was fired out in a spinning ball. "Whoa... what's _that_? ...Wait, they're using that to kill me. Oh, but I must get a good look at it! I've never seen it up close before! Hmm, I wonder if- OWWWWW!" Zelkova was pushed by the motion of the hedgehog ball and crashed repeatedly into several pillars. "Owwww- DOH! DOH! DOH! DOH! DAaaw!"

"Master Emerald, turn on the engines!" snapped Knuckles. "Come on, before it's too late! Uh, please." The Master Emerald started up and the Blue Typhoon was no longer immobile.

Tails looked out and saw in shock that Yellow Zelkova was still alive, but partly inside a wall. "Huh? You survived that?"

Zelkova looked out awkwardly and giggled, "Of course I did! It's the POWER OF SPICY RICE CURRRRRRY!" He then tried walking towards them, but he couldn't because he was partially inside a wall. "WTF H4X?" cried Zelkova. "No, I can't get out! Grrr! You cheated!"

"Nah, we took advantage of a glitch." explained Amy. "Unfortunately, because of the glitch, we can't destroy you. And any attempt to could cause a system crash."

_...Are they in a video game? WHAT'S GOING ON?_

The Blue Typhoon passed Zelkova as he protested, "No! You can't just leave me here! Oh, I'll figure out this glitch, and then I'll hunt you down and finally kill you! ...Crap, I let them get through! And all I had to show for it is a hacked situation."

Sonic saw the Blue Typhoon passing him and he yelled, "HEY! Don't forget ME!" He did a running jump and landed in Amy's arms on the ship.

"SONIC!" Amy squealed as she squeezed Sonic lovingly.

"Amy, Zelkova's watching..." Sonic mumbled, embarrassed.

Zelkova declared, "I'll get you next time, hedgehogs! Next time!"

"Ah, come off it. Oh wait, you can't!" cackled Sonic. "Hahaha! Because you're STUCK! Hahahaha!"

Cream announced, "Everyone, we're finally getting out of the underground parking garage inside Cloyster!"

"So we're finally entering the region of space dominated by the Metarex." added Chris. "I have a feeling we still have a long way to go."

"Wait, if we're getting _out_ of here," began Sonic. "And if getting _in_ here involved iMovie effects..."

"...OH NOOOOO!" screamed everyone as the iMovie warp started taking effect.

* * *

><p><em>Okay, another chapter down, and 12 more to go. Hope you liked it and review please!<em>


	15. Wasting Time

_Hmm, does this episode title describe what you're doing reading this fanfic? Hopefully not..._

_WARNING: This episode employs a stereotype that might not be suitable for certain viewers. Remember, it is _just_ for comedic purposes!_

Episode 15: Wasting Time

Cream got out her space log and spoke as she wrote, "Blue Typhoon Cruise Log #532: We are still being attacked by the Metarex. Right now it has been 12 hours since we escaped the Cloyster Cloister and ran into more Metarex ships. After 12 hours, it's actually starting to get very boring."

"Cream, you need to be on the lookout for more ships!" interrupted Amy.

"Okay, I'll check!" replied Cream. She quickly went back to her log to add, "Blue Typhoon Cruise Log #533: Amy wants me to look for more Metarex nearby. It's getting difficult to write and search at the same time..."

"_What_ have I told you about what you're supposed to be doing?" Amy spat.

"I'm checking!" Cream quickly looked around and reported, "The only Metarex ships I see are the few to our right. But they're too far away to attack us..."

Amy questioned angrily, "Then _why_ are you bringing them up?"

Cream squeaked nervously, "B-because you told me to look for more Metarex ships!"

_What is with Amy? Is she suddenly back to jerk mode?_

_Why, yes!_

Chris noted, "Well, those ships seem to be avoiding us for now. Maybe we scared them off."

"They must be afraid of my brawn." snickered Knuckles. "And my _usefulness_..."

Tails pondered out loud, "What if they're not attacking us because they're leading us into a trap?"

Knuckles clenched Tails' shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

Tails calmly continued, "That's just _one_ possible reason. Maybe all the Metarex are getting coffee. ...At the same time. ...On every ship."

Sonic, who was petting Cheese like an evil mastermind, asked the others, "Hey, is it okay if we change direction a little bit?"

Cosmo inquired, "Why do you ask? You think the Metarex are making us go right where they want us and you want to make sure your guess is right by setting them off?"

Sonic just stared at Cosmo. "...What?"

"...Isn't that a logical reason for changing direction?"

"Sheesh! I just wanted to find an intergalactic beer store!" groaned Sonic exasperated. "That Corona advertisment in the Cloyster Cloister made me thirsty. So I've taken a new personal quest on my vacation to find a place with good Corona beer!"

"But you're only 15!" pointed out Chris. "The intergalactic legal drinking age is 18, and not even Knuckles is old enough!"

Sonic responded slyly, "Who said I was 15?" He held up his birth certificate, showing a forged birthdate.

_Wow, Sonic doesn't want kids to hear profanity, and yet he's perfectly okay with lying about his age to get beer. What a role model._

"Even so, we shouldn't change direction without being prepared for an attack." warned Amy as she turned on the Palm Tree Shield.

Sonic slowly turned his steering wheel and scoffed, "What, you _really_ think that if we change direction a _little_ bit, the Metarex are going to appear and shoot us-"

BOOM! BANGBANG! BLAM! Sonic said worriedly, "Tails, please tell me you're only making those sound effects in your mouth."

"Negative. The Metarex are comically attacking us after your said that line." explained Tails as he fired some missiles to fight off the Metarex ships. "It's a good thing Amy turned on the Palm Tree Shield _before_ you changed direction."

Cream then wrote in her log, "Blue Typhoon Cruise Log #534: Sonic made a blunder and caused the Metarex to attack us. Fortunately Amy was smart enough to turn on the shield before Sonic's mistake."

"You don't have to rub it in." grumbled Sonic as he turned the wheel to change back to the original direction. "Now the Metarex are fleeing like annoying legendary Pokémon. So we can get back to relaxing!"

"Blue Typhoon Cruise Log #535: Sonic made the Metarex go away by undoing his blunder. Now he says we can relax!"

"Cream, stop writing in your log!" ordered Amy. "It's not Twitter, you know!"

_Even though Twitter wasn't _made_ in 2006 and- URGH! You get the idea._

Cream whispered, "Blue Typhoon Cruise Log #536: Amy is getting mad at me for writing in this log a lot. Maybe she has hidden intentions..."

Knuckles asked, "Okay, what's our status report just to make it clear?"

Chris stated, "Well, I just found out that our radar can no longer work at long-distance ranges for some reason. Seeing as we have no idea where to go, and the Metarex will attack us when we change direction, we might as well go straight."

"But I want to find a beer store _now_!" whined Sonic while clutching Cheese, making him squirm in fear.

"Blue Typhoon Cruise Log #537: Sonic wants beer, making poor Cheese afraid!"

"Cream, KNOCK IT OFF!"

Meanwhile, the Black Metarex King was lounging on his futon until the telephone next to him started ringing. "Ooh, is it the master?" asked the Metarex excitedly. He picked it up and greeted, "Hi Master _Oak_, what's shaking, big boy?"

_Uh... is this really Black Narcissus?_

Dark Oak froze in confusion. "Uh... is this a wrong number?"

"Not if you wanted _me_, the Black King!" answered the Metarex King. "But remember, I'm only black because I've absorbed _all_ the colours of the rainbow!"

"...Really? ...No offense, but you sound more... flamboyant than the other kings." pointed out Dark Oak. "...Even for yourself..."

"Oh, that was the _old_ Black Metarex King. Went out the door several _hours_ ago!" explained the Black King scoffingly. "Now I have found... enlightment in my life!"

Dark Oak muttered, "I _warned_ them not to do that!"

_So, to be clear, Black Narcissus went from a relatively serious Metarex King to this outlandish, careless "King" in a few hours? It's like someone thought Black Narcissus wasn't unique or funny enough and decided to change his personality (and possibly his orientation) at the last minute!_

The Black King added snootily, "I still don't see why we can just have a private video call in Skype... There I get to see your pretty mask!"

"Skype was getting too slow for me. And it's much more difficult to track traditional phone calls than internet calls." Dark Oak murmured, "Also, I don't think I want to see how you look now..."

"I see. You want to be under the radar as much as possible." Black King continued, "Anyway, I noticed that the hedgehog gang got out of that Cloyster Cloister, so I've taken the liber-TAY of forcing them to where I _want_ them, heh heh. In a subtle way, of course."

"Hmm, and where are you forcing them, exactly?"

"Why, to my private base, of course!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?" screamed Dark Oak. "Don't tell me you're a moron like Yellow Zelkova!"

"B-b-b-but what's wrong with leading them to my base? Is it not beautiful enough?"

"Hmm, let's see. How about EVERYTHING!"

"N-now now, master. I see you think my plan is preposterous."

"...I _think_? ...I _THINK_?" Dark Oak declared, "I _KNOW_ the plan is preposterous! You are _leading_ them straight to you? In effect leading them straight to _me_?"

Black King spoke, "I didn't know you were at my base. Okay, which part are you calling from, ya sly hunk?"

"NO! If they find you, they'll find a way to me, you idiot!" growled Dark Oak. "What made you think this was a good idea?"

"Look, I'm leading that hedgehog into a trap that I _know_ will finish him off like a lame fashion design." assured the Black King. "And I'm pretty sure that the hedgehog won't resist the bait..."

"An old planet?" questioned Sonic as he looked out in front of him. "The Metarex wanted to lead us to a _rock_? _That's_ supposed to be the bait to their trap?"

Chris observed, "This planet seems devoid of life, and it has several craters. Maybe there was a bunch of meteors that made the planet's inhabitants extinct."

"That only applies to dinosaurs!" Knuckles scoffed. "Maybe someone was so irritated on being useless that he kept pounding the ground until the pounding got strong enough to shake the planet and everyone died because they thought the man was useless!"

"That only applies to _you_." countered Sonic jokingly.

Tails suggested, "Perhaps the Metarex kept mercilessly attacking the planet with missiles and explosions that created the craters. And then all signs of life got destroyed because of it." He was met with several quizzical faces.

Amy spat, "That's the best theory you can come up with? Sheesh, have a little more imagination!"

_Kind of weird since Tails' theory is apparently the _correct_ one..._

Knuckles spotted a building on the planet and announced, "If that building is from the Metarex, then we can destroy it now! Heheh, they won't even know we were here!"

"I doubt it since they probably _led_ us here..." reminded Tails.

"Who cares? I wanna smash some robots!" Knuckles excitedly commanded, "Move the Blue Typhoon closer to the planet!"

"You're not the leader!" snapped Chris.

"I _said_ move the Blue Typhoon closer! We could give a surprise attack by hiding in plain sight!" Awkward silence.

"Whatever you say, Knuckles." sighed Amy as the ship moved closer to the planet.

"Blue Typhoon Cruise Log #538: We found a Metarex planet and Knuckles is trying to take control of the ship. I have a feeling Knuckles is making a blunder now..."

As the Blue Typhoon got closer, Chris noticed a signal blaring. "What? Chaos Emeralds? So the Metarex led us to a planet of Chaos Emeralds?"

"How nice of them!" complimented Sonic. "This season will be over soon."

"I don't think they're the real Chaos Emeralds." spoke Cream.

"WHAT? B-b- Why would they _do_ that?" Sonic whined.

"To lead us into a trap." stated Amy. "A trap of fake jewelry."

Chris announced, "The number of Chaos Emerald signals is rising! Three hundred... now, four." He gasped, "It's EXACTLY FIVE HUNDREEEEED!"

"OW! You're on the microphone! No need to shout!" groaned Sonic.

Amy looked on the big screen and told everyone, "We've got an incoming message!" The screen was filled with alien text.

"Oh no... I don't know this language!" cried Knuckles. "That means I can't translate it! We're doomed!"

"It's okay, I can read it." Cosmo told the others. "It's from the Metarex King Black Narcissus. 'Dear pesky hedgehogs, The Metarex and I have taken over the universe. Ha ha.'"

"There's nothing funny about that!" Chris yelled.

"No, that's what it actually says, 'Ha ha'." Cosmo clarified. She continued, "'You are now a permanent guest at my private planet. I dare you to find the Chaos Emeralds if you can.'"

"He's allowing us to go into his base to steal the Chaos Emeralds?" questioned Knuckles. "Hey, maybe this raid will be easy!"

"But the Chaos Emeralds are fake, remember?" reminded Cream.

"Still emeralds!" pointed out Sonic. "We can be rich!"

Chris noticed that Cosmo was mumbling to herself. "Uh, is anything wrong Cosmo?"

Cosmo quickly denied with a nervous laugh, "Of course not! There's _clearly_ nothing more to the message, certainly nothing that has to do with _me_! Obviously nothing about a disturbing fireworks show! Uh, could you excuse me for a moment?" She ran out of the main room and down a hallway, leaving Chris looking at her suspiciously.

Cosmo hurried through the corridors in search for the ship hold. She turned a corner only to bump into Calvan. "Now _where_ do you think _you're_ going?" he interrogated.

"We don't have time to develop this subplot!" retorted Cosmo as she kicked Calvan in his shin, knocking him down.

As Cosmo escaped Calvan, he got up and declared, "Oh yes we will! We were meant to be!"

Cosmo muttered, "Sheesh, I guess he doesn't know about the engagement being called off." She finally found the ship hold and entered it. "I watched Amy pilot her ship. I think I can do the same thing." Cosmo opened the glass bubble of Amy's ship and got inside. She struggled with the seatbelts until Cosmo realized that they were made to fit Amy's figure. "Is this a cheap way of telling me that I'm getting fat?" spat Cosmo as she sucked in to click the seatbelt.

_Shouldn't Cosmo act more apologetic for doing something behind her friends' backs?_

Meanwhile, the building on the planet started releasing several missiles. Cream shouted, "Blue Typhoon Cruise Log #539: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! The Metarex are firing missiles at us that could hit us by the time I'm finished writing this sentence!" She looked around to see that everything wasn't demolished. "Oh good, they haven't hit yet."

Amy checked her radar that scanned the missiles. "Wait, these aren't regular missiles. They have... bananas and pop cans?"

"Why would a missile have bananas and pop cans?" questioned Knuckles. "I mean, _seriously_, do they think this is a _joke_?"

"Well what else could potassium and aluminum be?" Amy said matter-of-factly.

"Oh! Now when those elements are used in a missile, it makes it a _firework_!" elaborated Tails proudly. "...Wait, didn't Cosmo say something about a fireworks show? ...Where is she anyway?" Right after he said that, the fireworks exploded in blinding, rainbow colours.

"AAAAH! TOO BRIGHT! TOO GAY!" Knuckles wailed as he shielded his eyes.

To make matters worse, Black Narcissus sent a video call to the Blue Typhoon at the same time. He just stood in the center of his room as pulsing music started playing. Then, he started to sing. "_Do you ever feel, like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?_"

"Ugh, his singing is terrible!" Amy groaned as she covered her ears. But then the music started getting louder. And Black Narcissus started dancing seductively/disturbingly.

"_Do you ever feel, already buried deep? Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing?_"

"You're screaming!" whined Sonic.

"_You just goooootta igniiiiiiite the liiiiiiiight and leeeeeet it shiiiiiiine! Just owwwwwwwwn the niiiiiiiiight like the Fooouurth of JULY! 'Cause baby you're a fiiiiiiiirewoooork! COME ON, show 'em whaaaaat you're worth! Make 'em go oh, mmm, MMMM! As you shoot across the sky, aaah, AAAH!_"

"GRAAAAAA!" yelled everyone as they struggled to cover their eyes and ears.

"_Baby, you're a FIIIIIIIREWOOOORRRRK! Come on, let your COOOOOOLOURS BURST! Make 'em go OOOH! AAAH! AAAH! You're gonna LEAVE 'EM FALLING DOWN! OOO! YEAH!_"

Sonic cried, "Why is he having an orgasm in the chorus?" The combined attack of the big fireworks, horrible singing, and freaky dancing made the people on the Blue Typhoon not notice Amy's ship flying out toward the planet.

Cosmo piloted the ship above the building and descended into it. She got out of the ship and followed brightly coloured lines toward a door covered with pink balloons. "Okay, I'm coming in just like I promised! Or rather, what you told me to do!" Cosmo opened the door to see Black Narcissus dancing provocatively as he sung the bridge.

"_Boom! OOM! OOOM! Even brighter than the MOON! OON! OON! It's always been inside of YOU! OOH! AAH! And now it's time to let it THROUGH! OOH! OOH! _Okay, now the Metarex sing the chorus acapella!"

A Metarex army flatly sang, "'Cause baby you're a fiiiiirewoorrrk. Come on, show 'em whaaaaaat you're worth. Make 'em go oh, oh, oh. As you shoot across the sky, aye, aye."

Black Narcissus was about to continue, but he noticed Cosmo was watching with a shocked face. "Oh! Don't scare me like that, girlfriend!" spoke Narcissus as he quickly turned off the video.

"Finally!" sighed everyone on the Blue Typhoon.

Cosmo asked Narcissus, "Okay, could you _please_ tell me why I had to see that?"

"Oh, I didn't expect you to walk in on my 'Pride Moment'." Black Narcissus said in embarrassment. He shooed away the Metarex chorus and he mumbled, "Go! You were awful!"

Cosmo demanded, "I came here since you told me that you knew a connection between my people and the Metarex, so tell me!"

"Oh, don't shout girl." pleaded Black Narcissus calmly. "A pretty girl like you doesn't need all that shouting, no. For a young girl, you are hhhhhhhot." This made Cosmo freeze in total disturbance. "Oh, and you're a hostage. Yah, not that important."

Cosmo stared in shock. "I'm a hostage? And my reflection looks messed up in your mask?"

_I'm guessing that reflection thing is less important than Cosmo being a hostage._

Meanwhile, Tails was reading over the message with his personal translator. "Hey, there's more to the message! 'I am addressing this message to Cosmo, so if you are reading this, don't let those other boys see this! Please come over to my planet once I distract the others with my fireworks and hot dancing.'" Tails paused to shiver. "'If you come, I shall tell you about the connection between your people and the Metarex. Girl, you are gonna FLIP! P.S. I feel disappointed that you won't get to see my fireworks and beautiful dancing, so be sure to pick up a copy of the footage on your way out.'"

"...Okay, you're just making that translation up!" accused Amy.

"No really, that's what it says!" protested Tails. "Well, at least Cosmo wouldn't be dumb enough to fall for _that_ obvious trap! Heheheh... wait, she _is_ still on the Blue Typhoon, right? ..._Right_?"

Sonic replied from the ship hold, "Well Amy's _ship_ certainly isn't here. And since Cosmo was in Amy's ship once, she must've chosen that one."

"HUH? How could she leave without us noticing?" gasped Tails. "I should've been watching her this whole time, but no! I _had_ to respect her privacy."

Sonic added, "Cosmo was able to sneak away because Hacker helped her. As in Hacker from Cyberchase."

"How'd _he_ get on the ship?" cried Cream. "And how do you _know_ that?"

"Who else could hack the locking system?" responded Sonic.

Knuckles answered, "The only person we haven't noticed was missing yet..."

"Who?" everyone else asked.

"...You don't see it?" asked Knuckles. "Wait a second, I know something that _you_ don't know! Heh, I just gotta take in this moment." He breathed deeply and sighed, "Ah, is this how you feel, being useful? Except _now_, of course-"

"Chris Thorndyke is the one that escaped my detection and gone missing with Cosmo." Hal reported.

"Oh why'd you have to _do_ that?" snapped Knuckles as he glared at HAL.

Chris stood beside Cosmo and stated, "You have something to tell Cosmo, so explain already!"

Cosmo shot a look to Chris and gasped, "How'd _you_ get here?"

"I used the Cloaking Device to sneak with you." explained Chris.

Black Narcissus sneered, "Oh my gosh, that is the tackiest space suit I've _ever_ seen."

Cosmo apologized, "I'm sorry you had to follow me. This is _my_ fault."

Narcissus cut in, "Yeah, we're all sorry, but now Space Cadet has to go home now."

Chris responded to Cosmo, "It's okay. You know, what you did reminded me of myself when I was 12. Hmm, maybe that's why so many people hate you so much."

Cosmo whimpered, "Stop talking... You're taking up the whole series..."

"Cosmo, you told us that you were our friend."

Black Narcissus snapped, "Okay, can you two just leave now-"

"I know I'm your friend! But I just have to be here to know about the Metarex!"

Chris chuckled, "Heheh, you're a brave one Cosmo. That's another reason why I see my 12-year-old self in you."

"EW!" groaned Cosmo and Black Narcissus at the same time in the same fashion.

"No, not in that way!" groaned Chris. "I'll explain it better on the Typhoon. Then you'll understand."

Narcissus grumbled, "Oh gosh, this conversation is _sooooo_ boring. This space sailor displeases me. Hmm, I wonder what he'd be like with his suit _off_?"

"...We're leaving!" Chris grabbed Cosmo's hand and stepped away from Black Narcissus.

"Now? But we haven't had fun yet!"

Chris sputtered, "I don't think I wanna know your definition of 'fun'."

"Oh, you're playing 'hard to get'." noted Black Narcissus. He added in a creepy whisper, "I like that."

"Oh yeah?" questioned Chris as he turned his head around slightly. "I'm also good with the element of SURPRISE!" He threw a Smoke Ball at Narcissus and ran away with Cosmo behind the multi-coloured smoke.

"Pfft! That Smoke Ball was _so_ last November! It's didn't even fit with the _Melee_ references back in its day." scoffed Black Narcissus. "But the colours are pretty to look at..." When the smoke cleared, Narcissus saw the Chris and Cosmo were gone. "Aww, you disappeared on me. Spoilsport."

Chris and Cosmo raced out of the room and followed the coloured lines back to the ship. But then they noticed that the door between them and Amy's ship started to gradually slide down. "RUN! While we can still make it!" Cosmo yelped as she started running faster. But Chris stopped running.

"Running under it won't be necessary..." stated Chris confidently.

"If we _did_ run, we would be with the ship by now!" spat Cosmo.

"Yeah, but what I'm about to do is much cooler." replied Chris as he got out a remote control. He pressed a button on it, and Cosmo could see Amy's ship reveal guns before the door closed completely. Both of them could hear the guns fire rapidly, followed by a muffled explosion. "...Uh, maybe if I adjust the _angle_..." Chris turned a knob on his control and pressed the button again only to hear another muffled explosion. He continued turning the knob and firing, causing more explosions in the room behind the door. "Hold on, from trial-and-error, THIS has to be the right direction!" Chris assured before pressing the button again.

BOOOOOM! "AAAAAAH!" Cosmo cried as tons of rubble flew at her. "Are you _crazy_? You could've KILLED me!"

"No need to be like Knuckles..." advised Chris as he looked through the hole in the door. In the ship hold, Chris could see that the walls were pretty much demolished from the many tries he took to find the correct direction. "Well, at least we'll give the Metarex a hard time cleaning up. Haheheh!"

"SURPRISE ATTACK!" shouted Black Narcissus as he took out a dagger and stabbed Chris in the back.

"...BWAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHA!" cackled several members of the International Chris-hater Organization as they pointed at the fallen Chris. "HAAAAAA ha ha ha ha! Now _THAT'S_ funny! Chris is STABBED!" They took a deep breath, then continued, "AAAAAH HAHAHAHAHAAA! BWAAAA HAHAHAHA!"

_Okay, _how_ did all of those people get inside the base?_

Horkirk chuckled, "Heheh! Stupid Chris is suffering! It's funny because we _hate_ him!"

Jasdirk snickered, "I'm just sorry _we_ weren't the ones that did that!"

"Why _didn't_ you?" snapped Cruellynthia. "...Da ha ha ha ha!"

"Okay, you can stop laughing now." grumbled Cosmo.

"Not until we get some pictures to show the others!" called another member as he took out a cellphone and took photos of injured Chris. "Whoa, look at the blood! It's starting to go _everywhere_!"

Black Narcissus chortled, "Oh yes, Space Cadet _does_ look funny when he's bleeding. ...Wait... Blood? I didn't want him to _bleed_, I just wanted to knock him out!"

"Booo!" groaned the Chris-haters as they left the scene.

"Oh well, I haven't felt this good in a long time. A verrrry long time. And I like it." mused Narcissus. "And that's because we get to take off his suit to treat the wound!"

"Knock it off! Chris is straight!" yelled Cosmo. "Hmm, this wound got me to thinking what _I_ would bleed..."

"Oh don't go all emo now." Black Narcissus ordered jockishly. "If you wanna find out so much, then you might as well let someone _else_ do the cutting for you... girrrrl!"

Back on the Blue Typhoon, Sonic stepped back and forth in front of the main group. "All right, gang! We have to save Cosmo and Chris since _no one_ gets left behind on this vacation! Here's the plan: we beef up the Blue Typhoon's firepower and durabilty, then we SMASH into the base vigilante style!"

"Why don't we just shoot you out of the cannon?" questioned Tails. "I mean, the effect seems even _more_ vigilante style, and-"

Sonic leaned close to Tails and hissed, "Do NOT mention that godforsaken cannon AGAIN. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to crash this baby into that Metarex baby's place." He looked around and saw a door marked 'Control Room'. Sonic joyfully opened the door and stepped inside. Only to fall several feet within the Blue Typhoon. "YAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa! OW!" Sonic groggily got up and he realized that he was inside the Sonic Drive Cannon again.

"I knew you'd try going for the controls again, so I set up another trap for you to fall into!" explained Tails. "Heheh, get it? _Fall_ into?"

"Don't explain the joke." grumbled Sonic as he saw the other end of the cannon. He tried racing out of it, but a cage fell on top of Sonic, preventing him from escaping. "A cage? No fair! It's not like I can squeeze through the bars."

_And Sonic _doesn't_ try squeezing through because...?_

_Because Sonic has accepted his fate!_

_Strange, he still doesn't seem to accept it._

Amy sat in her control seat and menacingly spoke, "Once we get Chris and Cosmo back, I won't hold back the punishments! First, I'll make them go to bed without supper. For Cosmo, that means no water at all! And then, I'll make Cosmo polish all of my hammers. That is to be followed by removing all the scratches she made on MY ship! And then I'll force her to be a chef... in the _vegetarian_ section!" This made Tails' eyes widen in shock.

Cream added with a wicked look, "Cosmo shouldn't have left us! I'll scold her until she cries! And then I'll make her clean up the mess she makes from her tears!" Tails clasped his hands over his head.

"Chao chao CHAO chao!" declared Cheese with an evil face.

Tails nervously asked Cream, "Uh, do you know what Cheese just said?"

Cream calmly answered, "Cheese said that he will shave Cosmo's head and burn her hair as an offering to Chaos."

_HOLY CRAP! Even Cheese is taking a level in plain bad!_

Tails shivered and mumbled, "We could go _easy_ on Cosmo, you know."

Amy continued, "And _then_, I'll put Cosmo in a box, so she won't grow anymore from the lack of light. And _THEN_, Cosmo shall be my personal punching bag to test the strength of my hammers!"

"STOP IT!" wailed Tails. "Let's just save them already!" He quickly aimed the cannon at the base and pressed the 'Fire Hedgehog' button.

"Wait, I'm not ready ye- AAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Sonic as he got fired out in a rainbow blast. He soared through space and crashed through the ceiling of the base, followed by several floors. "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! DOOW!" Sonic finally stopped when he hit solid ground. "Ugh, I think I broke my spine. Hey! I found all 500 Chaos Emeralds! I'm finally rich!"

"Oh, hedgey boy!" called Black Narcissus from above. "Could you please come up here? You don't need to be stuck down there with my jewelry collection."

Sonic leaped out of the fake Chaos Emeralds and climbed the floors to Black Narcissus. "Go easy on the sublevels, man!"

Black Narcissus greeted, "Oh, it's so thrilling to see that you've finally arrived! FABu_loooouuuus_!" He clapped his hands excitingly.

"...Are you _really_ a Metarex King?" inquired Sonic. "You seem too... gay."

"And why _shouldn't_ I be happy?" asked Narcissus cheerfully.

"...Okaaaaay." Sonic looked around and asked, "Do you have any Corona beer? I've been thirsting for one since the Cloyster Cloister."

"Oh no! Beer is for _sissies_!" scoffed Narcissus. "I prefer tea, highly caffeinated."

Sonic glared at him suspiciously, then stated, "Never mind. Can you just give me Chris and Cosmo so we can go now? I need to get back on vacation."

Black Narcissus chortled wickedly, "Ohohoho! You think you can just walk right in here and walk out with your friends?"

"Well... yeah."

"Well you can't!" snapped Narcissus as he pressed a button. A part of the floor opened up and a glass bubble containing Cosmo and Chris rose up. Chris was lying on his stomach, and his suit was open to show the poorly bandaged stab wound. Cosmo also had bandaged wounds, and she banged on the glass and cried out to Sonic.

Sonic sped toward the glass bubble and cried, "Speak up, Cosmo! I can't hear you!"

Narcissus snickered, "Don't try to break the glass. They won't get used to this air." The glass bubble descended back down, leaving Sonic alone, kneeling to where Chris and Cosmo were.

"They were both hurt... what did you _do_ to them?"

"I needed someone to test my dagger on, and it turned out that daggers actually _cut_ people!" Black Narcissus exclaimed. "Seriously, I didn't know they could _do_ that. Oh, and then Cosmo wanted to know if she could bleed, so I tested that out too. But ha ha, I'm keeping the results to myself! Then I got a good look at Space Cadet's _hot_ bod before a placed them both in a bubble. I needed a good prop for my latest photo shoot, and that bubble was a _wonderful_ centerpiece."

Sonic grasped the floor and whispered, "Poor Cosmo... Tails is gonna kill me if I don't save her. And Chris is at the hands of this... pervert!"

"Now would be a good time to say this meme!" Black Narcissus cleared his throat and taunted, "You mad. **You mad.** U MAD? You mad, cuz I'm awesome. YOU MAD, BRO?"

Sonic growled as his fur got darker, "No... Black Narcissus, don't make me angry. You wouldn't _like_ me when I'm angry..."

"Aw, but you need to complete your next test!" Black Narcissus said as two tall Metarex, gold and silver, stepped toward Sonic. "We've heard that you were super fast and super strong, especially in the _bedroom_. So I made these _sexy_ Metarex, one to test your speed, and another to test your power. But you have to figure out which is which..."

Sonic's fur became blacker, and he turned to stare at Black Narcissus with a maniacal look. "If that's what you want me to do, then I shall test them out!" He spin-dashed at the Metarex with a violent stance, making both Metarex noticeably shocked. Sonic, now in his Dark Super form, punched the Metarex repeatedly and smashed them to pieces, cackling wickedly. "SONIC SMAAAASH!"

Stan Lee protested, "He's not the Incredible Hulk! _I_ am!" He ripped off his shirt and growled furiously, but Stan didn't transform. "...I was close that time."

Black Narcissus watched in horror as Dark Super Sonic destroyed the two Metarex. "Noo! You're supposed to be ****ing them, not destroying them!" whined Narcissus.

Dark Super Sonic shot a glare at the Black Metarex and sarcastically responded, "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know they were your blow-up dolls."

Black Narcissus gasped, "Ugh! I'm in_sulted_!"

From the fake Chaos Emeralds, a glowing, light-blue hedgehog levitated out and declared, "At last, enough negative energy of the Chaos Emeralds has been used to unleash me, and I, Nazo the Hedgehog, am free to conquer the world!"

"Shut up, Nazo!" spat Dark Sonic as he punched Nazo and knocked him unconscious.

_...Did Dark Sonic just punch out Nazo?_

_Good thing, too. Nazo was this close to making the adventure unnecessarily long._

_So either way, Nazo's appearance was pointless?_

_Why yes!_

"Sonic! Stop this right now!" ordered Dr. Eggman. Dark Sonic glared at Eggman as he continued, "This is no behaviour fit for a hero! You should know that you must control your anger."

Bokkun asked, "Uh, how did we get here again?"

Eggman explained, "Our ship was flying aimlessly through space and we crash-landed here. You should've seen us, Sonic! It was a real Space Odyssey!"

Decoe groaned loudly, "You just make that joke _now_?"

Bocoe added, "They've already _made_ references to that movie long before now!"

"Quiet, I'm getting somewhere." shushed Dr. Eggman. He stepped toward Dark Sonic and continued, "Allow me to lecture you on the correct conduct of a hero. You're the good guy, and I'm the villain. _I_ should be the one revelling in the chaos. You don't have to act like Shadow, I've already had him save Chris and Cosmo."

"_I_ was gonna save them!" yelled Dark Sonic. "And I don't _need_ your stupid lecture!" He charged at Eggman and punched him rapidly.

"Owowowowow! Ouch! HEY!" wailed Dr. Eggman as he got tenderized. "Bocoe, Decoe, restrain him!"

"...I don't think we _wanna_." stated Bocoe.

"Yeah, watching him beat you up is kinda fun." remarked Decoe as he sat down to watch the show.

With Shadow, he was placing Chris beside Cosmo on Amy's ship. "All in a day's work." he said confidently. "...Wait, you didn't see what I did? What? They don't get to see my awesomeness?"

_Who's 'they'?_

_That's us! We don't get to see Shadow's amazing journey to save Chris and Cosmo!_

Rouge elaborated, "The episode was getting long enough, so we had to skip that part."

Shadow chided, "Oh, so we can't make the episode longer for _me_, and yet the _longest_ episode so far was the _Tailsmo_ episode! And it only had a bunch of Titanic fluff!"

"And Chaotix schemes and Tommy Wiseau." reminded Rouge.

"Well **** that! I'm going to find another episode to revel in." spat Shadow as he walked away.

"As for me, I have to do _this_." Rouge kicked down the fake jewelry machines, exploding them. She flew up toward Dr. Eggman, who was now bloody from being beat up by Dark Sonic. "There! Fake jewelry is now OUT!"

"Aww, but it was a _cost-effective_ fad." moaned Black Narcissus.

Rouge sauntered past Eggman and his robots and stated, "I've done my part. You can do the rest. And stop staring at my butt."

"Yes, I _will_ finish it..." chuckled Eggman as he was mesmerized by Rouge's figure.

Rouge grumbled, "That was my only part in this episode? I wanna call the producer!"

Bokkun reminded her, "Sorry, we _don't_ have producers."

_That probably explains why this sucks._

Dr. Eggman turned to Sonic, who has returned to normal by now, and told him, "As for you, go back to the Blue Typhoon. You need to forget about that Dark Sonic transformation incident."

"Okay okay." sighed Sonic. "By the way, how _did_ I turn back to my regular self?"

_Yeah, that's a legitimate question! If Eggman didn't calm him down, how _did_ Dark Sonic turn back into normal Sonic?_

_He ran out of Dark Rings._

_...Dark Rings?_

_The Dark equivalent of the rings that keep Super Sonic super!_

_...Never heard of them, must be false._

Dr. Eggman pushed Sonic away and lectured to Black Narcissus, "And _you_, you're the worst of all! It's one thing to take Chris and Cosmo prisoner, but when you actually _hurt_ somebody, that's going too far!"

Narcissus snickered, "You think you're going to be ruler of the world this way?"

"Hmm, what else is wrong with you?" pondered Eggman. "Oh yeah, you're also gay."

"HOMOPHOBIC!" shouted Narcissus as he lunged toward Eggman. But Bocoe and Decoe restrained him just in time, and Bokkun performed his titular kick to knock the Metarex back.

"Tada! We're being useful!" cheered Decoe.

"See? We're not just for comic relief!" added Bocoe.

Eggman sighed, "Yes, I know you're useful once in a while. But unfortunately, it's in your programming to only be out of comic relief mode for 10 seconds at a time."

Black Narcissus struggled to lift his head up and he asked, "Are you going to stop me? Or _join_ me?"

Eggman inquired suspiciously, "What _kind_ of 'joining' do you mean?" Black Narcissus just smiled creepily, but the others couldn't see that through his mask.

Back on the Blue Typhoon, Chris and Cosmo arrived to be met by the main group. Cream asked, "Oh Chris, are you hurt? Sonic told me you must've got stabbed or something!"

"No, I'm fine now." Chris said calmly.

_Chris is _fine_ now? Fine after a _stab wound_?_

"Oh, okay!" Cream got out her log and wrote, "Blue Typhoon Cruise Log #540: Chris and Cosmo came back all right. In other news, this is the 540th log! Looking forward to #550."

Cosmo weeped, "I'm so sorry that I went to Black Narcissus behind your back!"

Sonic glared at Cosmo and spoke, "Sorry? _Ssssorry_? We've been escaping the Metarex for 12 hours, I had to sit through a disturbing fireworks show, you and Chris got captured, we had to save you, and out of all that we got nothing, not even one of those fake Chaos Emeralds! If you ask me, this was a complete waste of time!"

"Don't listen to Sonic." Amy told Cosmo. "We're all glad that you came back alive!" Cheese nodded in agreement.

_Wait, whatever happened to all the punishments they were going to inflict on Cosmo? What, did they just _forget_? That makes no sense!_

Tails added, "And Cosmo, since you proved to be so brave today, I've had one of the passengers, a world-renowned sculpter, to create a statue in your honor!"

"Really? But I didn't do anything worth of a statue." Cosmo pointed out.

_Another legitimate point._

Soon, a cart rolled into the main room and a red cloth covered the statue. Tails picked up a microphone and announced, "I know speeches are boring and everything, so let's cut to the chase, shall I? Ladies and gentleman, I give you, COSMO!" He pulled a cord on the cloth to unveil the statue. Everyone in the room gasped, and an awkward silence followed.

Knuckles mumbled, "What the **** is that?" Which were everyone else's sentiments as well; the statue was _hideous_.

_Wait, what?_

It didn't look anything like Cosmo. The statue made Cosmo look more like Audrey II from _Little Shop of Horrors_. Even more strange was how the statue was carrying a sledgehammer victoriously. Tails dropped to his knees and gazed in shock at 'Cosmo'. "The sledgehammer... why?" he breathed. Still, the space pigeons (and Lucky the Vulture) seemed to like pooping on it, so it wasn't all bad. "I just wish I hadn't placed it so I had to pass it every day."

Cosmo put her hand on Tails' shoulder and assured him, "At least you still have the _real_ me..."

Tails sniffed, "You know, you're right. Thanks." He and Cosmo walked out of the room and down the hallway. "Well, I'm just glad that you're here. ...Can you please come with me? Uh, in the laundry." Tails glanced at Hal, then he held Cosmo's hand and they slyly entered the laundry room, out of HAL's view.

Hal questioned, "Just what do you think you're doing, Tails? Tails, I really think I'm entitled to an answer to that question." But he never got one.

* * *

><p><em>At last, I'm finished another episode. Oh, and please note that any flames will be used to cook my dinners. Until next time, review!<em>


	16. Shadow Shadow Revolution

_Hello readers! This episode is gonna be all about Shadow and Rouge._

_Knuckles: *clenches my shoulders and shouts in my face* ARE YOU CRAZY?_

_D-don't worry, we'll get back to Sonic and his buddies by the next episode. But for now, I'm doing a fangirl favourite. So Shadow fangirls, get ready to SQUEAL!_

Episode 16: Shadow Shadow Revolution

Shadow walked confidently toward Dr. Eggman as techno music played in the background. The doctor glanced at Shadow and observed, "You seem to be in a good mood, Shadow. Either there's something wrong with you or you're planning to kill me now. Or both."

Shadow casually stepped closer and asked, "Remember when I was pointed out that in the last episode _my_ awesome part was skipped to save time? And also in that episode, Rouge complained about how she only had one small part. Yes, you remember that?"

"Uh, sure." Eggman answered. He muttered, "How could I forget?"

Shadow smiled and he continued, "Well, I've taken the initiative of conversing with the producers about getting an episode just for me, and I got my wish and more!"

"Wait a second, we _don't_ have any producers!" exclaimed Dr. Eggman.

"I know. So I decided to _become_ one." replied Shadow. "Now this show is going to be about _me_, not about _Chris_."

"But the show is called _Sonic_ X!"

"Then why does _Chris_ have so many scenes?" Shadow questioned knowingly. "Oh, and the show's not called Sonic X anymore, it's now called Shadow and his Epic Quest to Rid the World of Evil and Outdo other So-Called 'BAMFs' to Win Several Fangirls' Hearts. Or for short, Shadow Z."

"...Okay, why Z?"

"Because all the great anime titles have Z at the end!" explained Shadow. "Like Dragon Ball Z!"

"I think that's the _only_ example." pointed out Eggman.

"And it _works_." added Shadow. Eggman got up and was about to speak, but Shadow warned with a menacing point of his finger, "Don't argue with the producer."

Eggman slowly sat back in his chair and stated, "I was going to ask if you wanted some nachos."

"Good." Shadow smirked. "And make it heavy on the cheese."

_So, Shadow decides to _become_ a producer for the series? Maybe this won't be _as_ bad from now on..._

"Right." Eggman turned to Bokkun and ordered, "Get Shadow nachos! Stat!"

"Ok." Bokkun said as he filled up a glass with a drink at the bar. "As soon as I give this to Rou-I MEAN, as soon as I have this drink!" He flew away a few feet. "In the bathroom." He dashed down the hallway and into the bathroom, shutting the door quickly. He gulped and went over to Rouge, who was taking a bath, and shakily handed her the drink. "H-here's your Pressed Orange."

But Rouge scowled, "That's not what I ordered! I wanted a parfait!"

Bokkun stammered, "B-but I thought you h-hated parfaits!"

"Are you kidding? Parfaits are delicious." Rouge held up the heart-shaped locket and taunted, "And I bet you think whoever is in this locket is also delicious."

"AAAAH! Okay okay! I'll get you a parfait!" Bokkun quickly gulped down the Pressed Orange and turned to the door.

"Oh, before you do, I was wondering if the Doctor has made progress with Chaos Emeralds." Rouge sneered, "That _is_ why he's trying to go through the asteroid belt, correct?"

Bokkun gasped, "I swear, I don't know a thing!" But then Rouge grabbed his leg and pulled him closer. "Aaah! You're abusing me again!"

"I'll stop when you tell me what you know." stated Rouge. But suddenly, the ship got hit by something, lunging everything on the Crimson Egg in one direction. That included Bokkun falling into the tub with an embarrassed look.

"EEEEEK! I'm in a tub with a nude bat!" cried Bokkun as he struggled getting out. "That means I won't grow up feeling like a real man!"

"Relax, Bokkun. I have my clothes on." grumbled Rouge.

"Uh, wouldn't the bath be more effective with your clothes _off_?" asked Bokkun. Rouge glared at him and she bared her fangs angrily. "AAAH! I don't mean that the perverted way!"

On the main room, Decoe announced, "I think that attack came from another battle in the distance."

Bocoe added, "Yeah, there seems to be a big spaceship battle going on over there!"

"Don't tell me it's Sonic and his friends." Dr. Eggman groaned. "Shadow promised me that we would never see those characters again!" He turned the ship toward the battle and zoomed his cameras in on the ship. "Hmm, it looks like the Metarex are attacking with... spaceballs? I mean, their ships are spherical and all. Ooh! The other side seems to made up of Federation attack fighters!" Bocoe and Decoe stared at him with quizzical looks. "Helloooo? Star Trek: Deep Space Nine?" The two robots just continued with their blank expressions. "...Don't you watch television?"

"...Oh yeah, we watch television; just not Star Trek... Deep Space Nine." replied Decoe.

Bocoe agreed, "Yep, we only watch _cool_ stuff on TV." Eggman gaped in shock.

_Hold on a second, it's gotta be a coincidence that the humans' fighter ships look like the ones from a television show. I mean, they can't _possibly_ be fans of Star Trek-_

In one of the ships, a female, red-headed soldier wearing a classic Starfleet uniform soared around the Metarex and spoke into her mobile communicator, "We have them just where they want us!"

_Oh my god, you did it! You turned the Cascadians into Trekkies!_

_What do you mean _I_ turned them into Trekkies? They did it all by themselves!_

On the main Metarex ship, a soldier cried to the last Metarex King, "Pale Bay Leaf! We're losing to the _humans_!" Pale Bay Leaf didn't answer. "...Uh, I said we are _losing_! ...Aren't you gonna do anything?" The King simply pressed a button, and all the Metarex ships fired several rounds, shooting down several fighters and the Crimson Egg. "...Oh! Uh, I wasn't worried at all, master!"

Dr. Eggman yelled, "Oh no! They're shooting at us! We're just innocent bystanders!" He stuck his head out the window and ordered, "Shadow, what are you doing? Attack them!"

Shadow grumbled, "I never have a moment to myself." He became a golden beam and sliced through many Metarex spaceballs. "Sigh... Yaaaawwwwn." groaned Shadow as he dashed through more Metarex easily. Shadow punched another spaceball and made it explode, then he rested on a Federation attack fighter. He glanced at the red-headed woman inside, who gasped at him in amazement. "Yeah, I get that reaction a lot." responded Shadow bluntly.

"Black Wind..." breathed the woman.

"No no, Shadow." corrected Shadow. "_Shaa-dow_. Practice that name and remember it." He leaped off to continue destroying spaceballs.

Another soldier's voice spoke from the communicator, "Excuse me... Excuse me. I'd just like to ask a question... WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"

The woman quickly responded, "Not sure, but I think it's trying to save us. Everyone, get into Formation L!"

"That's only when we have to deal with landing parties." reminded another soldier.

"Okay, Formation C, then." grumbled the woman before the ships maneuvered into the formation.

Pale Bay Leaf noted, "It's pointless to continue this fight. Let's retreat so we can continue with Plan B. NOT _THAT_ KIND OF PLAN B!"

A Metarex soldier responded, "As you wish, Pokémon Nerd!"

"What the- Why'd you call me that?"

"Well you're _Pale_, like a nerd, and you're named after the Pokémon Bayleef. Therefore, Pokémon Nerd!"

"Then don't call me that again!" snapped Pale Bay Leaf. "We've had enough Pokémon references in the season already. Ahem, so pull in all ships and then we can continue with our secondary plan." The Metarex King chuckled as a red shine briefly appeared in one of his eyes. "Yes, I can do that to be awesome."

On the Crimson Egg, Dr. Eggman received contact from the female Trekkie that Shadow apparently saved. The woman thanked, "It's a good thing you came here to help us defeat the Metarex!"

Eggman pretended to be bashful and mused, "Well, it was nothing, I mean, the Metarex are no problem for-"

"I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the black hedgehog." clarified the woman.

Bocoe sighed, "Wow, she is cute! I wish she was _our_ leader; it's not very motivating to take orders from a chubby old man."

"I know, at least _she_ can attempt fanservice without the audience seeing it as _disservice_!" added Decoe.

Dr. Eggman glared at the robots and challenged creepily, "Hey boys, let's play a game of _strip poker_. Of course, I'm the only one that can give away clothes..."

"EEEEEK!" wailed Decoe and Bocoe as they ran away from Eggman.

A while later, the Crimson Egg arrived at an orange-brown planet filled with cracks. "That thing is our planet." explained the female Trekkie. "It used to be an exact replica of Qo'noS, the home planet of the Klingons. But the Metarex took away its Planet Egg a long time ago. Evidently since they were obsessed with science fiction, they attacked us since only we had the largest knowledge of all things Star Trek. But now we fight the Metarex so we can rebuild the greatest Star Trek tribute in history."

_So these Trekkies are hardcore enough to turn an entire _planet_ into a replica of a planet from the Star Trek series? That's just impossible._

Dr. Eggman checked his Chaos Emerald radar and grinned at the dot flashing. "Heheheh, the planet wouldn't be an _exact_ replica if it still has a Chaos Emerald deep within it. Shadow, go find the Chaos Emerald. Oh, but don't let Rouge tag along. She's annoying as it is."

"Hello doctor." greeted Rouge from behind him. "Am I _annoying_ you? I could come back later, if you'd like. I was just going to go outside for a bit."

"Uh, sure! Go outside!" blurted Eggman before turning back to his communicator. "Shadow, change of plans: bring Rouge along, but don't let her out of your sights, okay?"

"Why would I ever want her to be _out_ of my sight?" asked Shadow slyly. Some time later, Shadow had his alone time, and he stared out the window of the planet's main building. "This better not be placed after the part where I said I wouldn't let Rouge out of my sight!" Shadow grumbled.

_...Too late, Shadow._

As Shadow stared, memories of previous episodes flooded back to him. First was when Chris challenged, "Do you just follow Eggman's orders because his grandpa made you?"

Then the next one was the time Rouge went on, "And then we went to the Space Coloney Ark where we learned about Ma-Ri-A!"

And then the next memory was when Super Sonic told him, "You think you're awesome? Well awesome people don't follow a mad doctor's orders and pass it off as part of a 'revenge plan'!"

"GRAAAAAA!" growled Shadow. "Why do I keep having these memories of unimportant characters? I thought we weren't going to see them again!"

"Is something wrong, Shadow?" asked the female Trekkie. Shadow turned around to see her and Rouge. "At least, Dr. Eggman told me that's your name. But anyway, I thought you were amazing in defeating the Metarex! And without any help, too! I still can't believe it!"

"Well believe it." muttered Shadow as he walked away. But the woman still followed him.

"Are you from another galaxy? I could assume that the planet where you're from is beautiful and sustainable. In this galaxy there's a mathematical probability of three million Earth-type planets. And in the universe, three million _million_ galaxies like this. And in all that, and perhaps more...only _one_ of each of us."

"Yeah, great poetry." Shadow mumbled as he stepped farther away from the woman.

"Oh I'm sorry. I tend to talk a little too much." sighed the woman. "I mean, I'm just in the Lieutenant junior grade, as you can tell by the insignia. I'm still working my way to be a full commander."

"Don't worry, Shadow's emo with everybody." explained Rouge. "Unfortunately, I always fall for someone too complicated for me. Uh, I MEAN _land_ with someone, as in get partnered with someone too complicated." She nervously laughed for a bit, but then the woman caught up with Shadow.

"Why do you keep following me?" grumbled Shadow irritably.

"I just want to thank you for saving us!" said the Trekkie excitedly. "You remind me of the Black Wind."

"...The what what?"

"It's one of the Klingon myths." explained the woman. "Or was it a _Vulcan_ myth? Or maybe I just got it from a fanfic. Anyway, the Black Wind was a tall hero that flew with the wind and beat up bad guys." She blushed as her imagination showed a tall figure with sharp armor, a gold cape, and a sword.

"That looks nothing like me." stated Shadow. "But I do like the cape and sword."

_Wait, Shadow can read minds now?_

_He _is_ the ultimate life-form! And the fulfillment of a fanfic myth!_

_You mean a Cascadian legend like it's _supposed_ to be._

_Nooooo..._

The female continued, "Apparently the legend was from a fanfic made back when our planet was a perfect replica."

"Whatever." Shadow continued walking away. "For your information, I'm not a hero. I'm a _villain_."

Rouge spat, "Sheesh, it's only a fanfic myth! That doesn't mean you have to get angry! And I thought part of the show's title was 'Rid the World of Evil'!"

"Quiet, woman." snapped Shadow before stepping down the hallway.

"GAH!" gasped Rouge insulted. "The _nerve_ of him!"

Later, the main group of Trekkies assembled before Dr. Eggman, who has recently adopted a corset and a Starfleet uniform. "I am Captain Kirk from Star Trek 1!" declared Eggman. The corset loosened and Eggman corrected, "2!" It loosened some more. "5!" Loosened again. "Generations." Then broke off. "Boston Legal."

"We never would've done it without you!" congratulated a soldier.

Bocoe boasted, "Well it's all because of the fine work of Eggman's robots!"

"Yeah, we'll even go deeply into the Star Trek universe!" added Decoe.

"We were talking about _Shadow_." corrected the soldier, making Eggman's robots gawk. "With Shadow on our side, there's no way we can lose!"

"Ahem, you were talking about _me_, Captain Kirk?" questioned Eggman. "Anyway, I'm afraid Shadow can't stay with you. He has his own show."

A blue-shirted man with long ears spat, "Oh, so you're letting us down, huh? Is _that_ the game you're playing? Maybe you never _wanted_ to help the Trekkies!"

"Leon, calm down." spoke another soldier. "Remember, Spock would never say anything like that."

Leon growled, "You probably think we're just big fans that stay in basements and have an adept knowledge of the Klingon language! Well you're wrong. We can also build life-size replicas, so we're actually useful! And _another_ thing-"

"Leonard Nimoy, that's enough."

Leon snapped, "I am not Leonard Nimoy!" He continued ranting, "We are the representatives of a big franchise installed on many series! You just can't understand our feelings!"

"Leon, what's going on?" asked the female as she stepped into the dining room with Shadow and Rouge. Leon glanced at her, and everything went black...

Then everything faded out of black, and everyone was in the same position. "...Brief power outage." stated a soldier.

The female introduced, "That man in the blue uniform is Leon, named after Leonard Nimoy, who played Spock. Which is why he is dressed like him. But we can't dye his hair black nor cut it the same hairstyle since Leon's hair is quite stubborn."

Leon sighed, "I like you too, Molly."

Rouge asked, "Are there any other people we need to know about?"

A new voice spoke up, "Well, if you must know about _me_." Everyone turned around to see a new girl walk toward them. She was as tall as the other soldiers, yet only looked around fifteen years old; despite that, she looked very mature. Her body figure was like Rouge's, only much curvier; her torso was just thin enough to not make everyone else swear she was anorexic. Both her thighs and breasts were acceptably large according to her lean belly. She was wearing a standard red Starfleet one-piece uniform that just ended below the thighs; the uniform also had the Lieutenant insignia woven as stripes circulating the sleeves that fit exactly to her slender arms. Her black boots were shiny like new, had no creases, and clicked delicately as she stepped in the most graceful way. The black pantyhose stretched well with her long legs, and her arms led serenely to her wonderful hands. Every finger on those hands had not-too-long fingernails that gleamed in the lights. Her shoulders were relaxed to let the skin lead to the neck, which was delightfully slim. But her head was the most attractive, even possibly at odds with the enticing torso to breast size ratio she possessed. Her chin protruded ever so slightly, and the cheeks were rosey like a blushed face. She had small nose, fine eyebrows, slightly pointed ears, and beautifully plump lips. Her teeth dazzled with her blue, crystalline eyes, the kind of eyes that never looked tired, and always looked lovingly at people. She had long, flowing, blonde hair that rested on the shoulders and draped behind her, with the tips of the strands ending above her waist. At last she said in a voice like an angel chorus, "My name is Mary Sue. It is a pleasure to meet you."

"Why did we just spend 3 minutes analyzing her appearance?" asked Shadow boredly.

_Uh, I hate to say this, but Mary Sue... is a Mary Sue._

_Of course she's a Mary Sue! It's her name!_

_...Yeah. Her name perfectly describes her. In an annoyingly perfect way._

Dr. Eggman was instantly smitten and he came up to her. "Oh, Lieutenant, I love you madly. Will you come to bed with me?"

"Doctor! I am not that kind of girl!" Mary Sue defied.

"You're right, and I respect you for it." replied Eggman. "Here, take over the meeting for a minute while I go get some coffee for us!" He quickly went away to get the coffee.

Molly remarked, "Wow, all the guys seem to like you."

Mary Sue dismissed, "Oh, anyone that knows how to look good can attract men like that." Rouge scowled at this.

Leon added, "Well, since you're here, we can go get something to eat later!"

"Aww, you're so sweet!" complimented Mary Sue as Shadow refrained from attacking her. Speaking of Shadow, Mary Sue caught his sight and asked, "Say, you're new here, aren't you? You know, people may not realize it, but I've had a very, _very_ tragic past."

"I'll bet." muttered Shadow.

Mary Sue began, "See, I witnessed the death of my parents when I was 4, then I got adopted into a cruel family where I was repeatedly raped and abused by my step-father. Then I ran away to live on the streets for several more years, but I occasionally got mugged and outcast into poverty. Then I got sold into slavery, where I had worked for another alien race for 3 more years! But then I ran away from _that_ race only to get kidnapped by _another_ family. It was just my luck that this family was the _same_ one that killed my parents! I also found out from them that I was an illegitimate child. But then I escaped that family and now these Trekkies took me in since I learn new skills quickly."

"..." was all Shadow said.

_I agree._

Mary Sue sighed, "But all the popularity I've earned just doesn't make up for my terrible past. ...Let me cut to the chase. I need _sex_ to eliminate my sadness."

"WHAT?" cried Shadow, Rouge, and everyone else simultaneously.

_Yeah, what?_

Mary Sue twirled a lock of her hair and continued, "I don't need to keep remembering the disasters that came upon me, _especially_ the rape."

"So, you want to have sex to fix your depression from being _sexually_ assaulted?" questioned Shadow.

"I _knew_ you'd understand!" exclaimed Mary Sue as she embraced Shadow for a few seconds. "I've never done it with anyone, but I assume it's like any other make-out session I've had with the guys, only I get to use my you-know-what!" She skipped away and called, "See you later! I need to speak with the other guys!"

Once Mary Sue was out of their view, Molly and Leon sighed simultaneously, "FINALLY!"

Rouge asked, "You actually don't like her?"

"Are you kidding? She always gets on my nerves!" growled Leon.

"We just pretend to like her so she won't outburst about how we're 'jerks'." added Molly.

"Ah, that's understandable." Rouge glanced around and inquired, "Anyway, do you know anything about the Chaos Emeralds?"

Leon answered, "No, we've never heard of a Chaos Emerald. But we _did_ find this unusual white gem that fell through the atmosphere."

"That's a Chaos Emerald!" exclaimed Rouge.

"Really? Aren't emeralds supposed to be _green_?" pointed out Leon.

"Don't point out the impossibilities!" Rouge snapped. "This is _Shadow Z_, Spock!"

Molly spoke up, "Never mind. We've kept the Chaos Emerald with the other minerals. Let's go." But as she turned to walk away, Leon grabbed her hand. "Leon? Are you hitting on me again?"

"No, I wouldn't after Mary Sue accused me of cheating." grumbled Leon. "But I just need you to go get a Coyote Stone for me. I would go there myself, but those in the Science/Medicine division aren't allowed to." He took out a key and handed it to Molly, adding, "Use this key to access it."

"A key?" Shadow spat. "You have all this super-futuristic technology, and you still use _keys_? What's next? You still use an _ice cream scooper_? And a _toothbrush_? And a _frying pan_? And _pens_? And _typewriters_?"

"Okay, Shadow, let's go." interrupted Molly as she hurried out with him and Rouge. "Let's get outta here before-"

"Are you going on another adventure?" asked Mary Sue excitedly. "Ooh! I'll go with you!"

"Uh, it might be dangerous..." warned Molly.

"But I can get out of danger easily!" reminded Mary Sue. "Plus I'll be of great help!"

Leon added, "It's true, Mary Sue can practically do all the work for us!" He chuckled and mumbled, "That's the only reason why we keep her around, anyway."

Molly faked a smile and pretended to agree, "Sure, let's take Mary Sue along!"

"WHAT?" Shadow cried.

"We're gonna have so much fun!" exclaimed Mary Sue as she walked out with the others.

Shadow got pulled away by Mary Sue and he yelled, "NOOOOO!"

After the group left, Leon clenched his fist and grumbled, "It's a terrible trap, but I have no choice. She must die..." He glanced at Dr. Eggman, who was busy attempting some Captain Kirk line. "As I was saying, she must die... whoever one I'm thinking of..."

Meanwhile, Molly, Rouge, and Mary Sue were flying in a Federation attack fighter while Shadow ran outside. "I don't need to be in there with _Mary Sue_." he said as he ran along.

Molly gazed at the ruins outside and mused, "I've heard that this planet was a beautiful replica long before I was born. Someday I hope to defeat the Metarex and help rebuild the planet to its former glory."

Rouge stared at Molly awkwardly. "...Yeah, we all want to destroy the Metarex."

"And _I_'ll be the first one to destroy Dark Oak!" declared Mary Sue. "Just you wait, everyone! Just you wait!"

Rouge now stared at Mary Sue and whispered to Molly, "I think I'm starting to like you a bit more."

"Mary Sue tends to have that effect on people." added Molly. Some time later, the group had to walk through a canyon path with a murky river beside it. "Stay close everyone. Ever since the Planet Egg got removed, we started getting infested with species that don't belong in the Star Trek universe."

"What _wouldn't_ belong?" questioned Shadow flatly. As if on cue, a giant pirahna leaped out of the river and got ready to attack. "Wait, Star Trek didn't have _fish_?"

"There are fish in Star Trek, just not pirahnas." explained Molly.

Mary Sue announced, "Don't you worry! The pirahnas shall not throw us into prison!"

"Oh, thank goodness." Shadow said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes. Mary Sue attempted some magical movements, trying to harness supernatural powers.

"I did a small attack like this the last time I was confronted!" explained Mary Sue. "I didn't even know I could do it!" As Mary Sue continued the movements, also confusing the pirahna because of her stupidity, Molly sighed as she took out her phaser and shot down the pirahna. Mary Sue giggled ecstatically, "See? I did it! And how _dare_ you say that I couldn't do it!" Suddenly, more pirahnas leaped out of the water. As Mary Sue shut her eyes and attempted her attack, Shadow and Rouge just punched the pirahnas away. Mary Sue looked again and again cheered, "My powers worked again! I'm getting better!"

Shadow ignored Mary Sue and told Molly, "You know, it's a bad habit to risk yourself for the safety of others. I mean, look at _me_. I don't save others, I just risk my life to save it. I'm awesome like that."

"I don't care if I die in battle, I just know that someone would replace me." Molly stated. She glanced at Mary Sue and muttered, "Though she seems to replace everyone dead or alive."

"Are we going or not?" asked Mary Sue. "I can't wait to fight more bad guys!" She ran in the most annoyingly perfect way possible.

Molly sighed, "Guess we better follow her. After all, she's our 'sidekick'." She followed Mary Sue while running with her arms out to the side.

"Is she for real?" questioned Rouge. "Molly, I mean. Of course Mary Sue isn't real. But Molly seems to live in her own... world."

"Ain't no shame in that." Shadow responded knowingly.

"Are you just saying that because she's a bit like you?"

"Of course not! She's nothing like me! I am ULTIMATE! And beautiful, yes."

"And angsty a bit." mumbled Rouge.

"Don't tell me what I am." Shadow ordered before he ran without using his hover shoes.

"Hmm, even Shadow runs awkwardly through that passage." observed Rouge. "Why is everyone running weirdly? Oh well, I'll just _fly_ there." She soared through the passage and exclaimed, "Oh my gosh, I can fly without flapping my wings!"

At last the group made it to the mineral storage building. Inside, Molly opened one of the cases containing several asteroid pieces and the White Chaos Emerald. Rouge declared, "At last, we've regained the White Chaos Emerald." But then Shadow snatched it before Rouge could grab it. "Hey! What the-? You didn't let me touch it!"

"I'll take it, if that's ok."

"NO! It's NOT ok!" spat Rouge. "What, you think I was gonna _steal_ it? How could you? I thought we were still husband and wife!"

"_Pretend_ husband and wife." Shadow reminded as he held the Chaos Emerald away from Rouge.

Mary Sue scoffed, "_She_ is your wife? I have to say, you could do better."

"Leave yourself out of this!" snapped Rouge. Instantly Mary Sue started tearing up. "Oh, don't play that guilt trip with me."

"You don't _like_ me?" weeped Mary Sue. "After all my tradgedies, someone _still_ doesn't like me! That means you Rouge, are a B****!" Mary Sue angrily ranted about Rouge being a b**** while everyone else ignored her.

"See what I mean on how she outbursts when we don't like her?" Molly whispered before rolling her eyes at Mary Sue. She then found a cupboard that matched the number on the key. "Strange, I don't remember the Coyote Stone being kept in _this_ cupboard." Molly inserted the key and unlocked the cupboard, only to find a collection of wires and a circular bomb. "It's wired! It has a plasma charge!"

"Plasma what?" asked Shadow.

Mary Sue instantly stopped crying to elaborate, "A plasma charge vaporizes the surrounding area. But never fear! I shall disable it with my hairpin!" BOOOOOOOOOOM!

Outside the vaporized area, Shadow, Rouge, Molly, and Mary Sue appeared out of Chaos Control. Shadow glanced at Mary Sue and grumbled, "Sorry guys. I tried to leave her behind, but she glomped me at the last second."

"What are you talking about?" questioned Mary Sue. "I just discovered another skill: teleportation!"

_I just noticed that this Mary Sue basically claims other achievements as her own instead of actually having superpowers (or real skills for that matter). So does this mean this is a whole new brand of Mary Sue?_

_She is just named Mary Sue; there are no other types._

Molly gazed at the remains mournfully. Shadow scolded, "Why'd you open that cupboard?"

"Leon told me to..." replied Molly. She gasped in realization, "Leon! I don't believe it! Spock betrayed me!"

_Hold on, she just said Leon and then Spock and... never mind._

After that happened, several Metarex ships flew into the atmosphere and fired at the remaining buildings. The group that was outside got seriously stricken by the bullets, Mary Sue less so. Shadow braced the bullets and tried calling Dr. Eggman on the mobile communicator. "Doctor! Come in!"

But to his surprise, Shadow only got an automated message from Eggman, "This is Captain Kirk of the docked USS _Enterprise_ registry NCC-1701. If you are calling about how awesome I am, please wait your turn. Muhahahaha!"

Shadow clicked off the communicator and cursed, "Damn!"

Molly was really starting to freak out. "If Eggman didn't answer, that means Leon sent us into a trap to isolate us! And that means... Spock is working for the METAREX!"

"Oh, I already knew _that_." scoffed Mary Sue. Everyone else glared at her in the most irritated way possible.

Meanwhile, Leon was having a video call with Pale Bay Leaf. "Okay, I've sent Mary Sue and Molly to the plasma charge. You didn't have to make me send Shadow and Rouge too! They were the most interesting people we've seen in a while!"

Pale Bay Leaf stated, "We've confirmed the vaporization, but we couldn't find their bodies. Though I suppose they could've been vaporized too, so we'll assume they did die. Anyway, I never thought you had it in you to betray your fellow Trekkies. Well done, Spock."

"I am not Spock!" snapped Leon. "I'll send you Dr. Eggman as soon as possible."

"What's this? Someone's planning to deliver the captain to the enemy?" questioned Eggman as he stepped out of the shadows. "I may not be Mary Sue, but I was expecting this all along."

Leon whipped out his phaser and pointed it at Eggman. "Don't come any closer! Just step back into the shadows and wait for the shuttle to be ready to take you to Pale Bay Leaf."

Dr. Eggman retorted, "Mind your own business, Mr. Spock. I'm sick of your half-breed interference, do you hear?"

"I'm setting my phaser to level _10_." warned Leon as he adjusted his phaser like he said.

Eggman glanced at Pale Bay Leaf and asked him, "Is your master Dark Professor Oak?"

"That's my _personal_ nickname for him!" scolded Bay Leaf. "Now do as Spock says and wait for a shuttle to take you to me."

"I am not Spock!"

Dr. Eggman checked his watch and spoke, "Yep, they should be coming in 3, 2, 1..." The ceiling crumbled and one of Eggman's giant robots broke through. Inside the head Bocoe and Decoe were controlling it.

"We're here to save you, Captain Kirk!" announced Decoe. "Our fan Transformer is ready for action."

Bocoe declared, "It's a Star Trek and Transformers cross-over! Awesome!"

_No, that wouldn't be quite awesome. Can we go back to Shadow and the others?_

_I was just about to! Thanks for reminding me!_

Molly raced into her Federation attack fighter and clicked her seatbelt before the others caught up with her. Shadow stated, "Don't fight them, Molly! You'll be killed!"

Rouge agreed, "Yeah, let someone else be killed. Let Mary Sue go!"

Mary Sue shouted, "Yes, I shall go! I can blast the Metarex down faster than Shadow could! And I'm willing to be a heroic sacrifice, too!"

Molly did a fake grin and gritted, "I... like that you're willing to die for us... and I'm sure we'd celebrate your birthday as a national holiday of the Enterprise." She clenched her controls and continued honestly, "But I am going to change the Metarex's mind about making us surrender to them. And I don't think Mary Sue is qualified for the job." Molly closed the doors and took off.

Mary Sue yelled, "I _am_ qualified! You just don't know my full potential! Because you're a B****!" She stomped away and muttered bad things about Molly.

Shadow ignored Mary Sue and told Rouge, "I don't think Molly would be able to _persuade_ them, if you know what I mean."

"What? You think Molly will actually..." Rouge then went up to Shadow and whispered the rest.

"Wha- NO! I mean persuade as in talking to them!" Shadow took out his White Chaos Emerald and continued, "The Metarex are obviously leading her into another trap, and if she dies, Molly's dream of the Star Trek tribute being rebuilt would never be realized."

"I'm sure there are other Trekkies out there..." pointed out Rouge.

Shadow looked to the sky and answered, "Not like Molly. I shall go with her since she'll survive with a BAMF by her side. And if she dies, then I want _her_ sacrifice to be known, not Mary Sue's!"

Meanwhile Eggman's Transformer romped through the Star Trek fleet like they were licensed toys. "Eehee! Isn't this funny?" giggled Eggman as his robot picked up the fighters and flung them to the ground.

"Uh... yeah. It's... funny." said Decoe.

Bocoe continued, "Yep... throwing toys to the ground... funny."

"Sheesh! Lighten up!" spat Eggman as he grabbed Leon's ship and drove it into the ground.

Leon grabbed his communicator and cried, "Pale Bay Leaf, help us!"

The Metarex shook his head and reminded, "I'm sorry, but you did not agree to our terms in the contract you signed." He held up a sheet of paper and added, "It's in the fine print."

"What? Fine print?" gasped Leon, but Bay Leaf hung up. Leon started shedding a tear and he whimpered, "We're all ****ed."

"What's with you?" cried Molly from her fighter as she flew over the others. "You're willing to give in to the Metarex and let our Star Trek tribute die?"

"SHUT UP!" wailed Leon. "It's even more humiliating when we're stuck!"

Another soldier complained, "I'm fed up with having to maintain _every single_ Star Trek replica!"

"I don't even _like_ Star Trek!" admitted yet another soldier.

Leon sighed, "Sorry, Molly. We don't have the same appreciation as you do. You're the only true Trekkie left."

"What about _me_?" asked Mary Sue angrily. "I know more about Star Trek than _anyone_, thanks to my superior brain!"

"You're not helping!" snapped Leon. "Molly, we refuse to die for our franchise!" This tore Molly apart. She slowly started shedding a tear at the betrayal of everyone.

_Oh, so it's basically like the original story, only the main thing is the franchise instead of the planet. ...Kind of shallow, this change._

Shadow landed on the wing of Molly's fighter and shouted, "Leave them! You gave yourself a mission, now complete it!" The white Chaos Emerald glowed in his hand. "And with a BAMF by your side, you're sure to complete it!" He jumped up at a Metarex ship, flying _straight through its lazer_, and blew the ship up.

But Molly wasn't really paying attention because she was still crying to herself. "I can't go on like this, being the only true Star Trek fan... Guess the only option left is to MASH THE FIRE BUTTON!" She flew towards the Metarex ships and fired at them rapidly.

Shadow landed on the ground and looked up at Molly's ship. "Goodbye, Molly. Maybe we'll meet again some day."

Pale Bay Leaf just watched, unamused, as Molly advanced slowly towards his ship without doing any damage. "_Yawn_. Everyone fire at the loner." Several lazers were fired at Molly.

Shadow said casually, "Don't worry, she'll escape that." Subsequently, Molly's ship exploded by the lazers. Shadow's eyes widened and he stared at the fireball in shock. "...Ohhh..."

_Considering how much the original story was changed, I'm surprised you kept Molly's death._

Mary Sue spoke up, "I could've easily avoided that, but _noooo_, you wanted _Molly_ to save everyone. Never trust an amateur, like I always say!"

Shadow still stared at where Molly's ship was. He remembered the few moments he had with her, and then Shadow's mouth frowned shakily. Shadow then held out a fist and he shouted furiously, "KHHHAAAAAAAAANN!"

"Hey! That's supposed to be _my_ line!" Eggman snapped.

Shadow took off his inhibitor rings and snarled, "You killed the last Trekkie... now you'll PAY!" He charged at the ships in a golden beam and again went _right through_ the lazers.

"Oh no." groaned Bay Leaf boredly before the ships exploded due to pure AWESOMENESS!

Mary Sue said proudly, "_I_ did that!"

"Quiet, woman!" Rouge snapped.

Later, Shadow was standing on a cliff, staring at the Star Trek tombstone erected in Molly's honour. Rouge stepped toward Shadow and asked, "Did you think that Molly... _reminded_ you of someone?"

Shadow didn't turn around. "...Sniff... No."

"Oh, I thought her eyes might be reminiscint of Maria's." said Rouge quietly. She noticed that Shadow didn't spazz out at the mention of Maria's name. "Fine, don't be funny!"

Shadow stated, "Molly didn't belong in the Star Trek fandom. She looked toward future good franchises, like Star Wars."

_Though we don't have any _hint_ of Molly accepting other franchises..._

Mary Sue stepped toward them and said, "I'm really sorry for Molly's death. Maybe I can make it up to you sometime. But now, I must go."

"Ok. Bu-bye." said Shadow. Mary Sue started walking away, but suddenly she collapsed. "What the...?" Rouge and Shadow walked over to Mary Sue, who was breathing heavily.

"Oh, drat. My jumping cold robbies disease finally got to me." sighed Mary Sue.

"You're making that up." accused Shadow.

"I've hoped to win the Nobel Peace Prize, the Vulcan Order of Gallantry and the Tralfamadorian Order of Good Guyhood. Please tell any surviving Trekkies to give me these awards in my honour." pleaded Mary Sue. "And please remember me for my beautiful youth and youthful beauty, intelligence, capability and all around niceness." At last, Mary Sue closed her eyes in death.

"...FINALLY!" shouted Rouge.

Shadow continued staring at the grave marker and said, "At least Molly wasn't like Mary Sue."

"Yeah, we can all see that." agreed Rouge. "Now take down the tombstone. We don't wanna scare American audiences."

"..._Fine_." sneered Shadow reluctantly. He grabbed the tombstone and pulled it out of the ground. Then Shadow lifted it and rested it on his shoulder. "There. Happy now?"

"Strange, the tombstone's shadow is still there." Rouge pointed at the shadow of the mound, which was unusually long.

"That's because I'm awesome." explained Shadow as he carried the grave marker with him. "I'm starting to think we need to go in a different direction with Shadow Z. Maybe a bit more angst wouldn't hurt, as long as it is pulled off well. By me." Shadow took out the White Chaos Emerald and tossed it to Rouge. "Oh, and give this to Doctor Eggman. I don't need it anymore."

Rouge's hands cradled the Chaos Emerald and she gazed dreamily at Shadow as he walked into the sunset. "Oh, he's _so cute_!"

Back on the Crimson Egg, Doctor Eggman sighed, "It's starting to get boring playing as Captain Kirk. Maybe I should just go back to my usual self."

"If you _have_ a usual self!" joked Bocoe.

"TAKE THAT BACK!" snapped Eggman as he pointed at Bocoe, causing his shirt to rip. "...Eh, it was a cheap costume, anyway."

Decoe heard the communications beeping and he said, "Doctor, I think you have a call!"

"I hope it's not from Kirk fangirls." grumbled Eggman as he pressed a button to start the video call. On the screen, he saw Pale Bay Leaf dented and burnt, and the Metarex King was holding his own severed head.

"Congratulations. Your pet hedgehog turned me into the Headless Horseman."

"_That's_ what you're calling me about?" spat Eggman in disbelief. "Hang up!"

"No, I got something to te-" started Pale Bay Leaf before the call ended.

* * *

><p><em>I'll just tell you right now I'm not a fan of Star Trek, so I'm pretty sure I got something wrong somewhere. But still I hoped you liked Shadow's episode of fame and we'll turn this show back to Sonic X by next episode. In the meantime, review for Shadow!<em>


	17. Wheel! Of! MISFORTUNE!

_Oh boy, my computer is having some technical difficulties which is why I might not be able to update at a regular schedule. Well, more days in between means more reviews, right? ...Anyway, if you were wondering why I put (of all things) a Mary Sue in the last chapter, it's because the first Mary Sue to give this character type its name was in a Star Trek fanfic. So I just thought it would fit in with all the other Star Trek references. But now we are back with our main heroes in this other fan-favourite episode where they go to the... fortune telling planet... But first, we look at Chris' friends!_

Episode 17: Wheel! Of! MISFORTUNE!

Helen was attempting to hack into Chris' computer, with Francis and Danny watching. "Try putting in the coordinates of Sonic's world!" suggested Danny. "That should break down security!"

"Alright." Helen's fingers hovered over the keyboard, and then she asked, "What _are_ the coordinates of Sonic's world?"

"...Um, it should be in _galactic_ coordinates..." pondered Francis. "...Do they work the same as longitudes and latitudes?"

"Wait, would they only work if Sonic's world was in _this_ galaxy?" Danny slapped his forehead in frustration. "This is too hard! Maybe we should pick this up tomorrow."

"Yeah, it's kinda boring here, anyway." Francis muttered.

_Wow, Chris' friends are _really_ motivated to get him back._

Helen glanced at the photo of Chris with Sonic and his friends. "Chris must've had a lot of courage to leave without any warning."

"Though he did leave behind this vague farewell note." reminded Danny as he held up a sheet of paper. He squinted at it and added, "Which is very hard to read."

Francis looked out wistfully and remarked, "Wherever Chris is, I'm sure he's having a wonderful adventure!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" yelled Chris as he ran away from the mob of Chris-haters wielding knives and pitchforks.

_Wait, we're back on the Blue Typhoon? Sorry, you can't just switch locations without warning!_

_I thought it would be a good time to show what Chris was doing after his friends wondered about what Chris was doing._

"Come on! If he got stabbed once, he can be stabbed again!" declared a member as he and the others flung their pointy objects at Chris.

"Serpentine! Serpentine!" Chris wailed as he swerved down the hallway until he got to a door and quickly went behind it and locked it. "Ugh, when will those people stop trying to kill me?"

Amy looked around and noticed, "Hey, they're back to us now! I thought this was Shadow Z!"

_I'm still confused by the "they" thing._

Sonic smugly walked in and explained, "Well, I went to the production office and tricked Shadow out of being a producer! Now we're back to having no producers again!" He smiled despite the odd looks from everyone else.

Cream glanced around and asked, "Why didn't _you_ become a producer? Then you could end the season early like you wanted, right?"

"Yeah, but being a producer is too hard. So much paperwork to go through." sighed Sonic lazily. "Also it turns out we have to meet our episode quota per season, so we still have 10 more episodes to complete, including this one."

_So we're back to no producers, and Sonic is still a jerk. I have a feeling things are going back to worse..._

Tails turned to Chris and inquired, "Do you have anything new on the Chaos Emerald locations?"

"No, it's getting tougher now that the Metarex have placed magnetic parasites everywhere." Chris looked on the radar and saw several metal fleas cling on the machine. He shooed them away and ordered, "Go away! We have bigger problems!"

"I'll crush 'em!" declared Amy as she held up her hammer above the fleas.

"WAIT AMY!" yelled Cream, but she was too late for the Piko-Piko Hammer.

"EEK!" cried the fleas before the hammer came down. SMASH!

_..._Talking_ metal fleas... You better be glad I'm not banging my head against the wall now._

"Yes, Cream?" asked Amy sweetly as she rested her hammer on her shoulder.

"How are we going to find the Chaos Emeralds without the radar?" gasped Cream. "...Oh, _Knuckllllllles_!"

Knuckles shot a glare at the others and snapped, "Oh, so _now_ you need me? Well forget it! You've taken me for granted before, so now we'll see how _you_ like it! Let's see you find the Chaos Emeralds now _without_ me!"

Hal announced, "I detect a Chaos Emerald signal from an object flying by in front of us."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" wailed Knuckles as he fell to his knees.

Chris looked outside and saw an object that looked like a strange meteor. "The Chaos Emerald must be inside that meteor."

_Okay, granted, in the "misunderstood" version, Sonic and the others were kind of dumb to just grab the meteor spaceship without checking inside it first. But surely the ones in _this_ version couldn't _possibly_ be dumber than that!_

"Alright! Let's _blast_ it open!" Tails said excitedly as he extended guns from the Blue Typhoon and shot rapidly at the meteor, blowing it up into several pieces.

"...Did anyone else hear tiny screams as we blew up that meteor?" asked Cosmo.

"Silly Cosmo, no one can hear you in space!" Amy denied. "...Mostly."

"Uh, I see some bodies floating out there." Cream observed.

The others looked at her awkwardly, then out the window where they could see that Cream was right. "...Ohhhhhhhh..."

_And that is why the heroes in this version are actually dumber. Wow, you just _had_ to tell me all that after I said they "couldn't _possibly_ be dumber"._

Later, they recovered the three bodies from the wreckage; apparently they were still alive. They looked like small dolls with brocolli heads. "I was so scared, no thanks to you!" exclaimed an orange, fat alien.

_Well just be glad that you're not dead from being stuck in outer space._

Tails stammered, "We're really sorry! We thought it was just an ordinary meteor!"

A light blue, small alien protested, "How dare you mistake our spaceship for a _mere_ meteor!"

"It's not our fault!" objected Chris. "You were the ones that made your spaceship look so much like a meteor!"

The tall, green alien sneered, "How dare you question our _ingenious_ disguise!"

Amy squealed delightfully and she squeezed the three aliens. "Oooh! You're just so _cute_, even when you're angry! What are you, some squishy form of Pikmin?"

The orange one answered, "We're Marmolians from the Planet Marmolim. I'm Captain Lou, the green one's Lilim the Navigator, and Shrimpy over here is Momo the Mechanic!"

Momo muttered, "How come _I_ am always referred to as the shrimp?"

Amy continued hugging the Marmolians and she giggled, "Oh, you're so darn _cute_, I can't let you go!"

"Well you have to eventually." stated Lilim. "We have an important mission as given to us by the powers of our super divining Moon Magic."

Amy let go of the aliens and said quickly, "Cute feeling's gone."

Lou explained, "Marmolim is famous for our much revered Moon Magic, but the Metarex have taken our Planet Egg so it's a dying planet." The others just stared confused at the whole "Moon Magic" thing.

_I would be staring confused too, because WHAT THE HECK IS MOON MAGIC? I mean, don't most other magic forms use the moon too? What makes this different?_

_They'll explain in a moment!_

Lilim continued, "Our main fortune teller, Chief Gana, was able to use Moon Magic to give us the message, 'Rescued by an animal with a spiky head'."

"...Wait, _fortune_ teller?" questioned Sonic suspiciously.

"We searched everywhere for this spiky-headed animal, but not even close!" wailed Momo at Sonic. "And to make matters worse, _you_ destroyed our ship!"

"Hey, _I_ didn't do it! Tails did!" Sonic shouted as he pointed to Tails accusingly.

"Well... I _did_ suggest blasting the 'meteor'." admitted Tails.

_Even though you _could've_ just grabbed it and carefully brought it inside._

Lou assured his two companions, "Well, it doesn't matter what happens to us. Moon Magic will solve _all_ of our problems! Always!" The main group stared perplexed at the Marmolians again.

Amy glanced at Cosmo and whispered to her, "I think they're part of the occult."

"THE OCCULT?" shouted Cosmo in shock, making everyone else shoot looks at her. "I mean... where's the Chaos Emerald?"

"Nice save, Cosmo." muttered Amy sarcastically.

_Wait a second, since when was Cosmo against the occult?_

_You tell me. She was the one that thought they had to trust in _Jesus_ to redeem for their sins._

"Oh yeah, we got a Chaos Emerald signal from your ship." elaborated Chris. "Do you happen to have a large, shining gem that might have a colour unusual for an emerald?"

"What, you mean _this_?" asked Lou as he took out a light-blue Chaos Emerald.

"That's it!" exclaimed Sonic cheerfully. "Wow, this is gonna be a short episode." He reached for the Chaos Emerald, but Lou retracted his hand.

"Why should I give this to you?" questioned Lou in a sudden dark tone that made everyone else shiver.

"Because I'm gonna whup your butt if you don't!" declared Sonic.

Lilim continued, "We found this on our journey, so we're gonna keep it as a souvenir."

"Finders, Keepers!" chimed Momo.

Knuckles held up his fists toward the Marmolians and sneered, "Oh, so is _that_ the game you're gonna play? Then let's play it! Finders Keepers, _Losers Weepers_!"

"Calm down, Knuckles! Leave the dolls alone!" Chris yelled as he held back Knuckles. He then mumbled, "Even _if_ it seems like they practice the dark arts."

Knuckles glared at Chris and snapped, "Oh, so just because I threaten a bunch of superstitious squishy Pikmin, I'm suddenly the bad guy?"

"That would actually be a pretty good plot twist." remarked Sonic. "I mean, it would explain your violent behaviour and how you keep using that line everytime something doesn't go your way."

Knuckles clenched Sonic's shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"_That's_ the line I'm talking about!" replied Sonic. He removed Knuckles' fists and spoke to the Marmolians, "Look, that Chaos Emerald is very important to me- I mean, us. Well, if I don't get all the Chaos Emeralds back, people are going to keep bothering me about it until I _do_ get them back. And I need _all_ of them back."

Lou mused, "I guess Moon Magic weaved our destinies to cross just for this."

"Or it could've been just a coincidence." mumbled Sonic. "So, do you understand my problem?"

The Marmolians looked at each other and responded, "Yes, we understand." Sonic smiled at them. "...But we still won't give the Chaos Emerald to you." Sonic groaned and collapsed in frustration.

"Sorry, I tripped." Sonic muttered while glaring at the Marmolians. Later, the Blue Typhoon was set to travel to Marmolim since the aliens can't make it back without a spaceship. "Well, since we're doing you a favour, I suppose you could give us the Chaos Emerald in exchange?" asked Sonic politely.

"...Sure." answered Lilim, though he didn't _sound_ sure.

Cream sat in her seat and figured, "Since it'll be boring to sit around waiting for your planet to be in sight, maybe you could tell us more about Moon Magic."

"Eeep! Not listening!" whimpered Cosmo as she plugged her ears. ...Wherever they are.

Lou started, "We understand your prejudice to our practice as it _does_ have similarities to other forms of magic that have a bad rap. Stuff like voodoo, astrology, and whatever Penn and Teller practice."

"Hey! We just reveal tricks for what they are, in our own special way!" objected Penn as Teller did the "shame on you" hand sign to the Marmolians.

Lilim continued, "But you must consider that there are other forms of magic that you seem to be okay with. For example, the Force in the Star Wars films could be interpreted as psychic powers, but it's not because it's called the Force. And Disney magic seems to be composed of sped-up transformation spells, but you seem okay with it because it's referred to as Disney magic. Likewise, Moon Magic is composed of divination, or fortune telling, and spell casting, but it's not spiritistic if we don't _say_ it is."

_Oh, so it doesn't matter what a form of magic _does,_ it's what it's _called_ that makes us okay with it! Yeah, you could have a practice that raises up zombies, inflicts curses on others, and changes future events into disasters, and yet people would be okay with it as long as it was called something nice like Sunshine Love!_

_Precisely! You're learning well, Angie!_

"Like we haven't heard _that_ before." grumbled Amy.

Momo added, "Moon Magic is very useful to know what will happen in your future in different areas! Areas like health, work, and love!"

Amy's eyes shot open. "Love? Did you say _love_?"

"Yes ma'am!" answered Lou. "With or without marraige?"

Amy became crazier. "_Love_? _LOVE_? LOOOOOVE! LOOOOOOOOOOOVE!" She stood up and demanded, "Take us to Planet MOOOOOOON MAGIC! I must know the future of my relationship with Sonic!"

Cosmo sighed sadly, "Now Amy's getting addicted to it."

A while later, they came to Planet Marmolim, which looked like a scratched purple marble. Sonic spat, "What are you talking about? The planet looks perfectly fine!" The Blue Typhoon landed and the three aliens reunited with their Marmolian friends. "Okay, we got you home. Now hand over the Chaos Emerald."

"Of course!" answered Lou as he held out the Chaos Emerald. But before Sonic could grab it, Lou asked, "But surely you would want to learn about your future first? My treat!"

"No way! I'm not... _into_ that sort of thing." said Sonic as he snatched the Chaos Emerald.

"Too bad." Lilim spoke. "You'll miss out on our complimentary beer."

"..._Corona_ beer?" inquired Sonic.

"Our favourite." Lou replied temptingly.

"...Okay. We'll grab some cases of beer before we go." stated Sonic.

Amy grabbed Sonic's arm and declared, "_First_, we'll learn about how we'll be like _together_!" Before Sonic could escape, Amy ran off with him, cackling maniacally.

"No! Remember what Doc Brown said? You must not learn too much about your future!" cried Cosmo.

Momo hurried after the two hedgehogs and declared, "I'll be their guide on their tour of love! You can be the others' guides."

"Alright, I call the echidna and the boy." Lilim stated and the two followed him.

"I guess that leaves me with the bunny, fox, and the plant." Lou turned to Cosmo and asked, "Would you like to know your future, flower girl?"

"NOOO!" wailed Cosmo. She tried running away, but the others grabbed her and dragged her with Lou. "I don't wanna be a part of this!" she moaned as she attempted to wriggle free.

_They force Cosmo to do something that she _clearly_ objects to? That's horrible!_

_All they're doing is helping her try out new things!_

_Dragging someone over doesn't seem that helpful._

Meanwhile, Lilim guided Knuckles and Chris through the Moon Magic stalls. "Marmolim is famous for Moon Magic, so our primary income comes from tourists buying our enchanted items. Customers used to come from all four sides of the universe."

"...Wait, all _four_ sides of the universe?" gasped Chris. "You mean the universe is _square_ shaped?"

"Actually, it's more like a rectangle." Lilim replied as he went over to a stall with several objects. "These items heal several illnesses, which is why we don't need _medical_ doctors. There's an item for every disease, like foot warts for a non-specific example." He then suspiciously glared at Chris, and Knuckles figured he had to glare at Chris too.

"...Why are you looking at me like that?" questioned Chris.

Lilim's eyes narrowed and he spoke darkly, "Don't try to fool me. Moon Magic told me that you have foot warts, which is why I brought it up. Now help our economy and _buy_ the foot wart healer, or else."

Chris' eyes shifted and he asked, "Are there any stalls that _don't_ have to do with Moon Magic?"

Lilim snootily told him, "If you don't want Moon Magic, then I suggest you shop at another _planet_."

Meanwhile, Lou was walking with Cream and Tails, who were still dragging Cosmo. Cream excitedly spoke, "We're going to see a fortune teller for the very first time!"

"And if you're good, Chief Gana could also teach you a few magic spells." added Lou slyly.

"M-magic s-sp-spells?" stuttered Cosmo. "C-can I just stay outside? I don't want to see a fortune teller."

"But you _must_." prompted Lou as he helped Cream pull Cosmo.

Cosmo whispered to herself, "Their planet is dying, and yet they only care about their own magic. And worse, they're trying to get _everyone_ addicted to it." The group finally arrived at Gana's pink palace.

"Why does this remind me of Care Bears?" Cream asked as she observed the palace. "Is it the pink? And all the stars everywhere?"

"The stars are to symbolize that they transmit the moon's power to us." explained Lou. "And the pink is to symbolize the colour of the moon's core."

"LIES!" Cosmo wailed. "It's all LIES!"

"Calm yourself, child." spoke a New Orleans accented voice. It came from Gana as he walked outside to greet the group. "Who are these customers that have come to Big Gana?"

"These are our friends that we met on our journey, O spiritual one!" responded Lou as he bowed to Gana.

"And I assume they're all ready for their future to be revealed?" asked Gana.

"No! I'll never be ready!" Cosmo attempted to run away, but Cream pulled her back.

"Don't worry, Cosmo. They practice _good_ spiritism." assured Cream.

"Anything to do with spiritism is bad!" rebuked Cosmo as she still tried to run away. As Cream held her back, Cosmo saw that Gana came in front of her.

"Now now Cosmo. After Big Gana is done, you'll see the mistake on your part." Gana told Cosmo in a slightly creepy way. "Take 'em all in!"

Cosmo covered her eyes and shouted, "No! I won't look! You can't make me!" The group was taken inside the palace, where it was pitch-black.

"...M-maybe Cosmo has a point." stammered Tails as he struggled to see through the darkness. Gana and Lou led Cream, Tails, and Cosmo to different seats, then the lights turned on as several Marmolians cheered loudly.

Gana grabbed a microphone and announced, "Welcome again, to Wheel of Fortune: Marmolim Edition!"

"WHEEL! OF! FORTUUUUNE!" cheered the audience.

_Wait, huh? First this had a magic theme, and now they're on a _game_ show?_

Lou elaborated, "Gana's way of fortune telling is unique, which is why he the most famous fortune teller." He pointed to the Puzzle Board and added, "The categories do with the contestants, and they compete for beer as they try to complete the hidden message. For example, last time I was here, the category was 'All the Marmolians', and we spun the wheel for chances to complete the fortune as displayed on the board. As we told you before, it turned out the fortune was, 'Rescued by an animal with a spiky head'. ...It was Momo that figured it out."

"Okay, the newcomers know the rules, so let's play!" declared Gana. He walked over to a bin of cards and summoned one out of the pile. Gana picked up the card and stated, "Our first category is... Cosmo!"

"What? _Me_?" gasped Cosmo as she was still covering her eyes.

"Cosmo, why don't you do the honors of making the first move?" asked Gana. "Spin the wheel!"

"I can't!" Cosmo cried, but Gana pulled her hand off her eye and made her spin the wheel. The audience clapped wildly with Gana, but then they slowly stopped as the other contestants looked around confused.

"...Well? Aren't you paying attention to the wheel?" Tails inquired.

Gana sighed, "In order for the Moon Magic to work, _everyone_ in the room must clap as the wheel is spinning. Let's try again." He made Cosmo spin the wheel again, much to her dismay.

"No! I won't clap!" declared Cosmo, but mechanical arms grabbed her hands and made them clap.

"Okay, we've got 800 bottles of beer that Cosmo can win!" announced Gana. "Cosmo, pick the first letter!"

"Stop! I shouldn't do this!" cried Cosmo.

"I'm sorry, you can only buy the vowel 'I' after you've won beer." Gana reminded.

Cosmo screamed, "No! You don't understand!"

"Sorry, 'U' is a vowel too!"

"I can't be a part of this!" Cosmo whimpered as she tried getting away, but she was stuck in her booth.

"I hear the letter B! Is there a B on the board?" Gana checked the board and stated, "Nope, there isn't a B in the message. Cream the rabbit, your turn!"

"Okay, Mister cuddly Pikmin!" replied Cream with a giggle.

"Uh, may I remind you that we're _not_ Pikmin." mumbled Gana. The game continued with Cream and Tails trying to solve the puzzle, while Cosmo still attempted to get out of the building (inadvertantly continuing the game with her desperate pleas). Finally there was only one letter missing as the current puzzle stated: "Her _eath is near."

_It's clearly "death"._

"Hmm..." pondered Tails. "One letter off... I'm gonna solve the puzzle!"

"Okay, what is it?" Gana asked with excitement.

Tails answered, "Her breath is near!"

"...Uh, no. Sorry, that's not it."

Cream then spoke up, "I can solve it! Ahem. Her sheath is near!"

"Noo, there's only one letter missing-" started Gana, but he was interrupted by Tails.

"Her Heath is near!"

Cream blurted, "Her 'reath' is near!"

_It's obviously "death"!_

"Her 'U-eath' is near!"

"Her 'veath' is near!"

_IT'S SO OBVIOUSLY "DEATH"!_

"No wait! I got it!" declared Tails.

Gana wiped his forehead in exasperation and asked, "Okay... what is it?"

Tails answered, "Her _death_... is pear!"

_URRRRRRGH!_

"Her death is tear!" cut in Cream.

"Her death is 'ne-ak'!"

"General Hospital!"

"ENOOOOOUGH!" yelled Gana. Everyone else looked at Gana as he was stammering in frustration. "W-th-b-d-l- You can't solve this last letter? Oh, the spirits are shrieking in my head!"

"I knew it!" Cosmo spat.

Gana whined, "They're saying, 'Gaaaana! Who are these FOOLS?' They compare _me_... to a _pikmin_!" He sighed and pointed at the board and said, "What's the _real_ solution?" The board revealed the last letter and Gana read, "Her _death_ is near. That's the fortune for Cosmo. Her death is near."

Cosmo stared shocked at the message. "...I have to go." She jumped out of her booth and ran out the door.

"Wait Cosmo! I can't be without you!" shouted Tails as he ran after her.

"That's odd..." murmured Gana.

"What? That an animal and plant are friends?" asked Cream.

"Not _that_. Moon Magic makes that happen all the time." Gana muttered. "What's _really_ mysterious is that the fortune made to make Cosmo comfortable with Moon Magic actually turned her _off_."

"...I think we should go." stated Cream as she and Cheese left the building with the other Marmolians.

Gana, alone, glanced at the board and noticed one of the letters was flickering. He knocked on the monitor, and muttered, "I knew we should've gotten this fixed before hand." As Gana left, the monitor stopped flickering, but was now at a different letter, making the message become 'Her death is fear'.

_...What's the _point_ of that?_

_It means everyone fears her death, but it doesn't mean her death is _near_._

_Okay, so it _happened_ to show the correct message afterwards. And again, what's the point?_

_Let me finish!_

Tails ran after Cosmo and pleaded, "Please don't go! You shouldn't worry about the fortune! I mean, _I_ don't follow that fortune telling stuff! I only believe in science."

"I'm powerless..." whimpered Cosmo. "I tried resisting them, but they wouldn't let me!"

"Look, at least we won beer for Sonic." Tails assured. "So we can just gather everyone and leave this planet! Forget this planet ever existed!"

"I'm sorry, I can't!" Cosmo ran farther away from Tails in tears. Tails just stood there in the middle of the street.

"...What are _you_ looking at?" he snapped at the other Marmolians. They quickly went back to their regular duties.

At the same time, Momo and Amy were having girl chats while Sonic was being dragged to every lover's hotspot. "Wow, you could understand his foreign words?" inquired Momo in amazement.

"Yep! I _know_ he said 'I love you' in French!" Amy answered proudly.

Sonic mumbled, "First I wanted to be on vacation, then I have to find _all_ the Chaos Emeralds, then I lost them, and now I'm stuck on a planet inhabited by VOODOO DOLLS!"

"You say something, honey?" asked Amy sweetly.

"I WANT MY CORONA!" shouted Sonic as he pulled away from Amy and sped into the distance.

"Wait! We didn't get to the Cave of Love!" whined Amy. "And then we have to climb the Mountain of Love, where we must swim in the River of Love and into the Lagoon of Love! You better be comfortable, because _there_ we must have the _Kiss_ of Love!"

Sonic raced into the city and quickly stopped next to Knuckles. "Don't let Amy know I'm here." He hurried away from Knuckles declaring, "Come to me, CORONA!"

"...That's weird." muttered Knuckles as he and Chris walked up to another fortune teller with a crystal ball.

"Oooh! You're an echidna, yes?" inquired the fortune teller.

"That's right! You're good!" gasped Knuckles.

The fortune teller continued, "And you feel... completely useless... because a computer... is being better than you."

"Wow, you know that too? How'd you do that?"

"...You really want me to repeat what the _other_ Marmolians say?" questioned the fortune teller. Both he and Knuckles glared at each other. "...MOOOOON-"

"Moooon magic." repeated Knuckles, mimicking the same movements. "Okay. What must I do to become useful?"

"Here's the solution: Moon Magic towel!" answered the Marmolian as he held up a towel. "Just wipe your face with it every morning, and you'll have the power to be _useful_! It also cures gullibleness."

"Whoa, _really_?"

"Yeah! But you have to _pay_ for that magic to work." the fortune teller clarified with the "pay me" hand sign. "In this case... all your money!"

"Deal!" declared Knuckles as he gave all his money to the fortune teller. "Yes! The magic towel's mine! Watch out Hal!" As he, Chris, and Lilim walked away, the fortune teller snickered wickedly. He quickly disassembled his stall, packed his things, and fled the market.

_So that guy was actually a bandit?_

_No, he was a regular citizen like everyone else._

_...Ooookaaaay..._

Lilim went up to Chris and asked him, "With Sonic and Amy's love life in mind, I just have to ask you if you have someone special in your life."

Chris blushed and he denied nervously, "Uh, of course I don't!"

"Yeah, didn't think so." said Lilim as he continued walking.

"Wait! I _do_ have someone!" shouted Chris in an attempt to get Lilim's attention.

Meanwhile, Cosmo was standing alone on a cliff, gazing at the addicted city. "There's so much I want to protect in this galaxy, but must I include a spiritistic planet?" A tear ran down her cheek, and it fell down the cliff toward the water, but it landed sparkly on a dolphin's beak.

_Wait, what's going on now?_

The dolphin flew up to Cosmo and asked her, "What's your name?"

"Huh? Why can I understand you?" inquired Cosmo.

The dolphin explained, "You can understand me thanks to a net of magic moonbeams that caught your tear as it fell to the water! We just add a bit of magic of our own and voila! The spell is cast!"

Cosmo's eyes widened in shock and she gasped, "Oh no, Moon Magic has even the _dolphins_ in its grip!"

"We're engaged in a desperate battle to save our friends, the space whales-" began the dolphin, but Cosmo pushed it away.

"No! Get behind me, Satan!" demanded Cosmo as she shoved the dolphin off, making it fall to the water.

"You don't understand! The Vanderckley-" SPLASH!

_...And what was the point of _that_ scene?_

_Oh, you'll seeeee..._

"Cosmo? Who are you talking to?" called Cream as she ran toward her.

Cosmo turned to Cream and she gasped, "The dolphins! They were talking to me with Moon Magic!"

"...I know you've been stressed out lately, but I didn't know you were insane too." replied Cream.

"I'm serious! They _were_ talking to me!" cried Cosmo, but Cheese floated up to Cosmo and slapped her repeatedly. "Owowowowowow! I mean, uh, where's Amy?"

"SONIC! Where the **** are you?" shouted Amy as she ran around nearby with Momo trying to calm her down.

"Amy, don't you get it?" Momo said as she tried holding her back. "Sonic left you to find beer! He _doesn't_ love you!"

"WRONG! He _does_ love me!" declared Amy. "And I have _millions_ of Sonamy shippers to support me!"

"Amy! There you are!" Cream said as she ran over to Amy with Cosmo. Cosmo looked at Amy and she gasped at what Amy was wearing. Amy was clothed in several necklaces filled with charms, and she looked like a walking skeleton, complete a skull mask and what looked like a bone through her nose.

"A-a-a-a-am-m-m-y?" stuttered Cosmo.

Amy glanced at the nose bone and assured, "Don't worry, it's a clip-on." She took off the bone and showed the metal arch connecting the pieces.

"Ok, but the _other_ things..." Cosmo began. "A-are you _okay_ with all these charms? ...Because I'm not!"

"Hey, did you have your fortune told yet?" asked Amy.

"No! I don't want to!" cried Cosmo.

"But you _must_." prompted Momo as she dragged Cosmo to the Moon Magic stalls.

"NO! I won't look!" Cosmo declared.

_Here we go again... ugh._

"Look Cosmo! You're future's being told in Moon Magic cards!" Cream exclaimed.

"Aaah! I must avert my eyes!"

Amy pulled Cosmo to another fortune teller and told her, "Hey! There's another person that can tell who you are through sticks!"

"Not paying attention!"

Momo suggested, "Hey, we should check out Cosmo's future love life!"

"I already know where it's going!" stated Cosmo, but she was dragged there anyway.

As they waited outside the building of love specialists, Amy asked Cosmo, "So Cosmo, how's your sex life with Tails?"

"AAAH! It's not like that, you hear?" Cosmo snapped.

"Don't be so embarrassed." Cream said. "Your relationship with Tails is special! At least, it's special to _us_. Apparently, Gana said it's because of _Moon Magic_ that you two are in love."

"No way! Our love started _before_ we got to this godforsaken planet!" rebuked Cosmo. "How could Moon Magic be the reason? Wouldn't it only work on this planet?"

"Well, I suppose it works on any planet that has a moon." figured Cream. "And what about you Amy? How are your attempts to get Sonic to love you?"

Amy turned her back on them and fell to her knees. "Oh, Sonic isn't noticing me at all. You were right, Momo. Sonic doesn't love me."

Cream started, "Now Amy, at least you've got your frie-"

"But Sonic _shall_ love me!" stated Amy with a wicked grin. "I'll do _anything_ to make Sonic fall in love with me."

"Are you okay?"

Amy giggled maniacally, "Mark my words, Sonic _will_ love me. Even if I have to enlist the aid of thousands of demons from the darkest bowels of HELL!"

Cosmo cried, "You're possessed! It's the charms! They've made you susceptible to the Devil!"

"This isn't the first time, Cosmo." notified Cream calmly. Still Cosmo grabbed one of Amy's hammers and whacked Amy's head, but she still cackled devilishly.

"Aaah! Satan has given her supernatural strength!" Cosmo was so freaked out that she started shedding tears. Tears that Amy caught in a bottle.

"Done! The potion is complete!" stated Amy cheerfully and normally.

"...You _weren't_ possessed?"

"It was just an act!" Amy answered. "...Mostly."

"But why did you need to make me cry?" questioned Cosmo angrily.

"I needed a teardrop to complete this new potion!" explained Amy. "And you seem to be the crybaby- I mean, the emo- I mean, you fit the bill!"

"So why didn't why just throw onion shavings at me?"

"That wouldn't work." Amy spoke darkly, "It had to be _terror_ tears." Cosmo gulped.

A new man in a long robe remarked, "You really believe in that Moon Magic stuff?"

"Paul Brown? What are you wearing?" asked Amy.

"He's not Paul Brown, he's Benjamin Gates!" Cosmo corrected.

"Actually, I'm Balthazar Blake, master of sorcery passed down by Merlin himself." The man held out his hand and suggested, "You could be my new apprentice, if you want."

"I'll pass." grumbled Cosmo.

Cream spoke, "Oh, it's Tails!"

"Where?" asked Cosmo excitedly as she looked around.

"...On my communicator." stated Cream as she held up her wrist. "Hey Tails! Cosmo wants to talk to you."

"As much as I'd like to talk to Cosmo, I have something more important." Tails said, making Cosmo gawk at the statement. "I've found out that since the Planet Egg was removed, Marmolim's center has cancer!"

"So we treat it with chemotherapy?" inquired Knuckles.

"We could, but it won't cure it." Tails responded sadly. "Although... there is _another_ thing we could try..." He looked over to Sonic, who was sitting on his throne of Corona beer cases. "Heheh..."

Sonic looked up and he refused, "Ohhhh no! Not _this_ again!"

Tails looked at Sonic's wrist and asked, "Why are you wearing a bracelet?"

"It's not a bracelet, it's an amulet!" clarified Sonic. "I bought it since I heard it'll protect me from water."

"Uh, Cosmo won't be happy to know that." noted Tails.

"She didn't seem to mind about my towel!" Knuckles said as he rubbed his face vigorously with the towel.

"Uh-huh... Anyway, I was just gonna ask if you wanted another beer." Tails told Sonic.

"Okay, I'll just grab one from a case I'm sitting on-"

"But if you were sitting on them, then they aren't cold." pointed out Tails.

"Wow, you're right! I need a bottle from a _fresh_ case!" Sonic saw a case by itself across the room. "I'll get it!" But when Sonic walked toward it, a trap-door activated and Sonic fell into the Sonic Drive Cannon. "TAAAAAIIIILLSSS!"

"Look at it this way, you'll be famous for curing cancer!" assured Tails. "Besides, your 'amulet' will protect you from the water!" He aimed the cannon at a mountain and fired the cannon.

"WHOOOOAAAA!" Sonic sailed into the distance and crashed deep into the mountain. "Blblblblbl! Too much dirt!" He got to the core, which looked a weird organ. "What are you talking about? That doesn't look sic- AAAAAH!" Sonic crashed into the organ right through the cancer cell, ultimately destroying the cell. Water exploded everywhere and shot him out of the mountain.

"Wow! The Hedgehog was the 'spiky headed animal' all along!" gasped Gana.

_You just figure that out _now_?_

The Marmolians and the others watched in amazement as the water flowed out the mountain and filled the dryest parts. Cosmo mused, "Well, this planet is saved. Even though it was questionable..."

Sonic was sitting on a spout of water and he spat, "What a rip-off! I was told that this would protect me from water, but now I'm all wet! DAMN!"

"GAAAASP!" shouted the Marmolians.

"Fine, _darn_."

"No! Your innuendo!" cried Lou.

"Okay okay, just get me DOOOOWWWN!" Once Sonic was rescued, he walked over to Knuckles and he swiped his towel. "Gimme that!" Sonic rubbed himself with the towel to dry himself, making Knuckles distraught.

"NOOOOOO! Now Sonic will be _too_ useful!" wailed Knuckles.

Later, Cosmo was standing on the cliff again, looking out at the city again. "Well, at least I'll forget about this place once we leave." she stated.

"Hey Cosmo!" called Tails. "I didn't get a chance to talk to you."

"Oh, okay." Cosmo continued looking out.

"Cosmo, I noticed something was bothering you. Could we... talk about it? I mean, you can trust me. I only believe in science."

"Oh, you don't have to! I mean, I do trust you!" stammered Cosmo.

"Heheheh, you're cute when you're confused." Tails walked away and added, "See you in the Blue Typhoon."

"Wait Tails!" spoke Cosmo as she ran after him, but then she ran into a trip-wire and fell on top of Tails. "Aaah! This is not what it looks like!" Before they could react, a spring launched them high into the air, where they landed in a runaway cable car.

_Wait, this wasn't what I was told..._

The cable car ran down the line and crashed into a movie set. The director growled, "I ask for a new couple for the remake of 'When Harry Met Sally', and I get _Tails_ and _COSMO_?" He tossed the couple on a dolly and kicked it out of the studio, making it roll down the street.

_What's with the high-strung director?_

Amy giggled wickedly, "With my potion complete, I shall give it to Sonic, and then lead him to my trap! I'll just give this potion to Sonic-"

"HEEEEELP!" cried Tails and Cosmo as they sped by Amy.

"Hey! That looked like the movie dolly!" exclaimed Amy.

The dolly crashed into a bump, flinging the two onto a catapult that launched them into the air. At the same time, a group of soldiers saw them fly by and they shouted, "OPEN FIRE!" The soldiers fired rapidly at Tails and Cosmo, but the bullets whizzed by them, just close enough to cause adrenaline.

_Huh, guns?_

Tails and Cosmo fell into a barrel, which rolled down a road and landed in a river. The river carried the barrel over a waterfall and they fell to the lake below. SMASH!

"Uh... are you alright Cosmo?" moaned Tails.

"Sort of... what about you?" Cosmo responded.

Tails opened his eyes and saw the moon. "Whoa... the moon looks so beautiful..."

Cosmo's eyes shot open in shock. "No, don't look at the mo- Ooooooh, so pretty..." Both were instantly captivated by the moon, and soon they were embracing each other. ...Much to Amy's dismay.

"No no no! That trap took me _hours_ to set up and perfect!" whined Amy.

Momo remarked, "But they look so cute together!"

Amy leaned close to Momo and snapped, "They were cute _before_ the love trap! They were going to be in love _without_ the love trap! They didn't _need_ Moon Magic help! _Sonic_ and _I_ needed the help! _We_ were going to fall into the Lake of Love and be enchanted for eternal love! And the potion that _you_ gave me was going to make our relationship _extra_ sure! But now _Tailsmo_ is extra sure! And it didn't _need_ to be extra sure!"

"...But they look so cute together!"

Amy glared at Tails and Cosmo in the distance and she declared, "You stole my moment! Now you shall be cursed! ...As soon as I give the love potion to Sonic, wherever he is."

Tails gazed at Cosmo, and then they both leaned toward each other. But then Sonic popped up in between them and he said, "Whoaaa, little buddy! There's nothing more cool than being hugged by someone you like. But if someone tries to touch you in a place or in a way, that makes _you_ feel uncomfortable, _that's_ no good!"

"But neither of us are uncomfortable." pointed out Tails. "Until _you_ showed up, that is."

"Sorry little bro! Romance is only for _cool_ kids!" stated Sonic.

"...You do realize that you're in water, right?"

"...Oh yeah. The _damn_ amulet doesn't work again!" Sonic growled. "So it's a _damnulet_, heheh. ...I'll go now, but I'll be watching you! Sonic Sez shall rise again!" He raced out of the lake, only to run into Amy.

"Here Sonic! Have a drink!"

"Is it beer?" asked Sonic. Amy shifted her eyes, then she ran into the Blue Typhoon and came out with a bottle.

"Now it is!" she said cheerfully.

"...Uh, maybe we should just get off this planet o' voodoo already." suggested Sonic as he went inside the Blue Typhoon.

"Wait! The magic will run out! BAKAAAAAAAA!" wailed Amy.

* * *

><p><em>Hope the delay was worth it. And please don't get offended by my spiritism-bashing, as it is entirely opinion-based. And if you <em>are_ offended, please don't curse my computer as it is cursed already. Anyway, please review!_


	18. Terror of a Monsoon

_Sorry for the delays, but my computer is still being repaired. I think. Anyone else disappointed by the Teen Choice Awards? Anyway, back to writing._

Episode 18: Terror of a Monsoon

Metarex ships soared after the heroes in a colourful vortex. Sonic shot through several of them and remarked, "Is everyone else having the same dream I am having?"

More Metarex ships came in, and Cosmo whimpered, "Oh no, we're gonna die!"

"Don't worry, sweetie! Sonic will rescue us!" assured Tails.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" wailed Sonic as he tried swimming away in mid-space from the bullets.

"…Or not." Tails sat back and sighed, "This all happened because of what happened three hours ago…"

*Cut to Three Hours Ago*

Sonic was setting up a video camera in the laundry room and he pressed the record button. "Da daaa, da daaa, da da da da daaa da, da da da daaa!" he scatted to his retro theme. "It's time for another Sonic Says!" Sonic walked over to the closed dryer and asked, "Does this look like fun to you? If so, your brains must be _scrambled_. Believe it or not, every year some _scrambled_ kid climbs into one of these dryers and gets _scrambled_. …Or killed." He opened the dryer and added, "It gets _pretty hot_ in there!" But when he looked inside, Sonic instead found Tails and Cosmo making out. "AAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Tails and Cosmo at Sonic.

"…YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"CANNOT UNSEE!" whined Sonic as he ran around the room frantically. "Where's the BRAIN BLEACH?"

"I'm starting to think it's not safe to climb into dryers…" mused Cosmo.

"Yeah, we need someplace more _private_." Tails agreed as he stepped out of the dryer.

_And what was the point of _that_ scene? I mean, it did explain what Tails and Cosmo were doing in the laundry room, but what did that have to do with the Metarex battle?_

_It'll make sense in a moment!_

_This whole thing doesn't make sense._

A few minutes later, the Blue Typhoon came out of another scene cut warp. Cream looked out the window and gasped, "More Metarex! And they're attacking that poor little ship!"

"Ugggh, who cares?" groaned Sonic as he walked into the room with red eyes.

"What happened to your eyes?" asked Chris.

"I couldn't find the brain bleach, so I had to use _regular_ bleach." Sonic narrowed his eyes and grumbled, "It _doesn't work_."

"…Anyway, it seems like a Chaos Emerald signal is coming from the victim ship." Tails noted.

"_I_ was going to say that!" shouted Knuckles whiningly.

Cosmo watched the victim ship fly away and she stated, "We have to help him! At least _he_ doesn't seem to practice black arts."

"Aww, I wanted to _relax_." groaned Sonic.

"Don't worry, we'll get another Chaos Emerald so people won't bug you." Chris said as he stood up.

"Wait guys! We don't know who's inside!" warned Tails. "We should investigate first!"

"They're already gone, Tails." notified Cream as she pointed to the empty seats.

"They never listen to me!" wailed Tails. "I'm the captain! They should be following _my_ orders! …!"

"What am _I_ supposed to do?"

"Make me feel better." answered Tails with bubbly eyes.

"Oh please!" scoffed Amy. "We don't need a repeat of what happened in the laundry room! …That's right, I _know_. Needless to say, no one will ever be drying their clothes again."

_Again I ask, what did that scene have to do with the battle?_

_Just be patient!_

Chris soared after the ship in his Hyper Tornado with Sonic riding on the wing. "That ship is dodging the Metarex lasers like a pro! He must be very skilled."

"Eh, it's probably a robot." Sonic muttered as he spin-dashed off the Hyper Tornado. "Sonic Spinball time!" He bounced off several Metarex ships and then launched toward the victim ship that was moving quickly away from him. "Come back! I just want to know where you got that Chaos Emerald! …Is it free?" But then Sonic ran out of momentum and the ship got away.

"You _lost_ him?" spat Amy after Chris and Sonic got back on the Blue Typhoon. "How could you lose him? He was _three feet_ in front of you!"

Chris stammered, "T-the physics of s-space-"

"The physics of space!" mocked Amy. "You make me sick!"

"Calm down, Amy!" spoke Cream. "Don't blame it on Chris. It was _Sonic's_ fault for not catching up!"

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" Amy demanded as she held up her hammer.

Chris checked his radar and observed, "It's very difficult to find out where the ship is since Metarex space has lots of noise." Just then, a bunch of drums, jackhammers, and airhorns sounded outside, and Chris knocked on the glass annoyed. "Keep it down! I'm trying to save a Chaos Emerald!"

A few seconds later, the intercom turned on and Knuckles yelled, "GUYS GUYS GUYS! YOU HAVE TO COME DOWN HERE QUICKLY!"

"Oh, what does _he_ want?" grumbled Tails as he and Chris walked toward the Master Emerald hold. "This better not be an excuse to make us pay attention to you."

"No, it's worse! LOOK!" Knuckles pointed to the Master Emerald and frantically sputtered, "IT-s -th- Mas- Em- LOOK!"

Chris examined the Master Emerald and asked, "What's wrong with it?"

"What's _wrong_ with it?" Knuckles sneered. "It's _swollen_ at the top! And it seems sparklier than usual!"

"Really? I thought it was _always_ like that." mused Tails.

"Please fix it!" cried Knuckles.

"But I don't know what's the problem." Tails said.

"Then figure it out!"

"…Why don't _you_ figure it out?"

"Because I don't know what's going on!"

"Shouldn't you know _everything_ about the Master Emerald?"

"…Aren't you going to fix it?"

"Well I can't if I don't know what's wrong."

"Then figure it out!"

"_You_ figure it out!"

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!" Knuckles snapped.

"Calm down, Knuckles!" scolded Chris. "Leave Tails alone!"

"W-b- you heard him! He was yelling too!" Knuckles accused.

"Now now, don't you think it's better to _apologize_ to Tails?"

Knuckles glared at Tails, then he struggled, "I-I am s-s- sssssorry."

Tails put his hand behind his head and bashfully replied, "No, I'm the one who's sorry."

"Yeah, you're sorry."

"That's it. You're gonna EAT those words!" Tails shouted as he starting fighting Knuckles.

Chris watched to two fight and insult each other and he sighed, "We're never gonna stop the Metarex at this rate."

Later, Tails was checking the Master Emerald base as he rubbed his wounds mournfully. "I think Knuckles' only use is to hurt people."

Cosmo brought in a tray of tea and ointment. "This should make you feel better!" she called. "And Knuckles was sent to his room!"

Tails looked at Cosmo and his tails started wagging. "Oh, hi Cosmo!" He whispered to his tails, "Stay cool! Control yourselves!"

"So I see you have to fix the Master Emerald?" asked Cosmo as she set the tray beside Tails.

Tails explained, "It turns out I must disassemble the circuitry surrounding the Master Emerald power transformer and modify the speed system…" As Tails continued rambling, Cosmo gazed at him and sighed dreamily, even though she had no idea what he was talking about. "…and adjust the main power core to be parallel to the energy transfer and- I'm being too complicated for you, aren't I?"

"Uh, no! Understood it perfectly!" Cosmo quickly lied. "But I can see you're busy, so I'll just be on my way. Waiting…"

Tails chuckled knowingly as his tails continued wagging. "Heheh, yep, I'll be waiting too…"

"Tails! We got a Chaos Emerald signal!" called Chris from the intercom.

Tails glared at the intercom and spat, "You ruined another moment!"

A few minutes later, the Blue Typhoon entered a trippy energy tunnel. "I didn't know there was such a plasma with so much energy." remarked Chris as he observed the electrical bolts that scattered the place.

"That was _my_ moment with Cosmo." growled Tails as he kept his eyes on his computer.

"Hey look! The ship that got away is here!" called Sonic as he pointed ahead.

"Okay, activate the articulated arm!" ordered Tails.

"You mean the giant metal claw?" asked Chris.

"You ruined my moment, so I call it what I want!" snapped Tails.

"…Okaaay, sheesh." Chris mumbled as he pushed a button. The claw extended from the Blue Typhoon and reached for the tiny ship. But then the ship took out a giant pair of scissors and snipped the claw off!

"MY GIANT CLAW!" wailed Tails. "I mean, MY ARTICULATED ARM!"

The footage from the small ship showed the robotic pilot taking off his helmet to reveal himself as Bocoe! Or was it Decoe? "Oh snap! I got you good!" he taunted.

"Decoe!" sneered Sonic. "Or are you Bocoe?"

The robot groaned, "I'm DECOE! Remember the memory aid we gave you?"

"You never gave us a memory aid." pointed out Cream.

"Sure we did! Bluish Bocoe, and Dashing Decoe!" answered Decoe proudly.

"_I_ wanted to be the dashing one!" snapped Bocoe.

"But Dashing _Bocoe_ doesn't make sense!" Decoe argued.

"Enough of this." Tails told the others, "I'm going to make an illegal u-turn!" He turned the Blue Typhoon around sharply, sending everyone flying to the side. "Sorry passengers!" Tails went to get away, but he saw several spaceships in front of him. "Aw man! I'm caught by the space cops!"

"Even worse!" Sonic gasped as he pointed to the largest one. "That one has the Eggman logo on it! Which means…"

"Eggman… is a SPACE COP!" shrieked Amy.

"Even EVEN WORSE!" Cosmo pointed to the other ships and she noted, "Those are Metarex ships! And that means…"

Cream screamed, "Eggman and the Metarex are working together as SPACE COPS!"

Inside the main ship, Bokkun entered and scatted a fanfare, "Da da daaa, dadadada da, da da da da da DA da daaaaaaaa! Da da da daaaa, (Da da daaaaaa!), da da da daaaaa, (Da da daaaaaa!), Da da da DAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Quiet, you'll anger the FOX lawyers." snapped Eggman. He drove his Eggmobile into the leader room and cackled, "This is gonna be so much fun! Bow down to your new god!" The other Metarex Kings stared at Eggman awkwardly. "…God! …Get it?"

Pale Bay Leaf sighed, "If it pleases you…"

Black Narcissus kneeled before Dr. Eggman and spoke, "If you'd like, I shall sing my token of _appreciation_ for you!"

Eggman checked his pocket watch and answered, "Sure, I've got time."

"NO! Don't do it!" Zelkova shouted desperately. But it was too late.

"_You're from a whoooole other world! A DIFferent dimension! You OOOpen my eyes! And I'm ready to go, lead me into the LIIGHT!_" Several strobe lights started flashing as Narcissus leaned close to Eggman and continued singing passionately, "_Kiss, me! Ki-ki-kiss me! Infect me with your love and fill me with your poison! Take, me! Ta-ta-take me! Wanna be a victim, ready for abduction! Boy, you're an ALieeeen! Your, touch so FOReeeign! It's, superNATURALLL! Ex… Tra… Ter-restrial!_"

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" shouted Eggman in terror. "Uh, chicken neck! Slip and slide! No, that's what he wants to _do_ to me!"

"But I didn't get to the bridge yet!" whined Narcissus. The strobe lights went dim and a spotlight shined on him. "_This is transcendental, on another level. Boy, you're my lucky STAAAAAAAAAR! I wanna walk on your wave length, and be there when you vibraaate…_"

"Oh look, it's time for the trap!" Eggman said quickly as he pushed Narcissus away and turned off the dance lights.

Bokkun whispered to him, "Well done, Dr. Eggman! You're the best at avoiding gays!"

Zelkova hissed to Pale Bay Leaf, "Why did we keep this noob again?"

"We needed _someone_ to replace Red Pine, and this guy was wearing red." answered Pale Bay Leaf. "Besides, Dark Oak seems to be okay with him, so we must respect his wishes. …Even if his pet hedgehog tore my head off."

"But your head isn't severed!" pointed out Yellow Zelkova as he knocked on Bay Leaf's head, which subsequently toppled off and fell to the floor.

"OW! Daddy!" groaned Bay Leaf as he tried feeling for his head. He screwed his head back on and he grumbled, "That's why I leave my head alone. Anyway, Dr. Eggman isn't so bad. I mean, he was able to stop Black Narcissus from his 'Pride Moment', and his trap _did_ work. If you ask me, he's an upgrade."

"Doo doo doo! I'm the best!" cheered Eggman as he danced with Bokkun giddily.

"…_Really_?" questioned Zelkova.

At the same time, Bocoe and Decoe were watching Eggman dance on their monitor. "Is it just me, or does Dr. Eggman seem more… _childish_ than usual?"

"He misses Shadow too much." sighed Bocoe as he looked at the White Chaos Emerald that Rouge gave them some time earlier. He looked back at the monitor and groaned, "See? Now he's pretending Bokkun is Shadow!"

Decoe looked back at the monitor and indeed saw Eggman attempting to force Bokkun to do Chaos Control. "I think you're right…"

Back on the Blue Typhoon, Sonic saw several Metarex ships coming in. "Sooo, are we gonna get outta here?"

"We're blocked because of the Electric Plasma Vortex and Metarex!" reminded Cream.

"And my Master Emerald-" started Knuckles.

"Go back to your room! Your time-out's not over yet!" commanded Chris.

"But they're-"

"_Now_."

"Oh, _fine_." Knuckles muttered as he sadly went back to his room.

Tails stood up and ordered, "Everyone, we must attack the fleet!"

"AHEM!" Amy spoke up. "Don't you think you should refer to us as, '_Sonamy_'?"

"_Fine_." growled Tails. "_Sonamy_, are you ready for battle?"

"I'm already doing it!" shouted Sonic as he was riding with Chris in the Hyper Tornado.

"Come on! Amy interrupted me!" whined Tails. "Fine, everyone _else_, are you ready?"

"Everyone else is gone too." pointed out Cosmo as she looked at Amy's ship and Cream's ship flying after the Hyper Tornado.

"Aww, I thought they would listen to me." Tails grumbled as he sat back down.

Cosmo observed, "Things are getting pretty serious…"

"Yeah, this Metarex battle is going to a doozy."

"I was talking about our relationship." corrected Cosmo.

"Oh yeah, that too!" chuckled Tails as his tails started wagging again.

Outside, Chris shot a plasma ball at Sonic's shoes and announced, "Here Sonic! I've added a new feature to them!"

Sonic looked at his upgraded shoes and asked, "Would that be _moonwalking_?"

"…Sonic, did you realize what you just did?" questioned Chris nervously. "I mean, you just made a reference to a pop culture icon, and you know what happens when you make such references, right?"

"…Uh, no. What happens?"

"SONIC!"

Suddenly, Michael Jackson floated beside Sonic and told him, "Remember, you don't need fancy shoes to do smooth moves. You just gotta let the feeling in your heart well up until you must dance!"

Sonic looked at Michael Jackson awkwardly and asked, "I know this is only 2006, but shouldn't you be dead?"

Michael sang to the tune of 'Thriller', "_I got BET-terrrr! Better, now! No one had to save me from the death that tried to strike!_"

"….Anywaaaaaaaaay, what's the new feature of my shoes?"

_Wait, so we're just going to forget about the impossible guest star appearance? Just like we forgot about how the LAUNDRY SCENE led to the Metarex battle?_

_Just a few more minutes!_

"You know how you wanted to be like Mario with his new soccer game?" asked Chris. "Well now you can practice by kicking the plasma ball!"

The shoes generated a colourful ball that rested on Sonic's feet. "Okay, let's see if I can be better than Mario!" He kicked the ball with a lot of strength that made it soar past the Metarex. "Uh, let's try that again." Sonic kicked another ball that slowly bounced off three Metarex. "Tada! Hat trick!"

"No Sonic, that's _hockey_." Chris sighed.

"Well, maybe I want to learn _hockey_!" Sonic sneered. Metarex ships soared after the heroes in a colourful vortex. Sonic shot through several of them and remarked, "Is everyone else having the same dream I am having?"

_Wait, that sounds familiar..._

More Metarex ships came in, and Cosmo whimpered, "Oh no, we're gonna die!"

"Don't worry, sweetie! Sonic will rescue us!" assured Tails.

_And then Sonic screams as he tries swimming away from the bullets?_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" wailed Sonic as he tried swimming away in mid-space from the bullets.

"…Or not." Tails sat back and sighed, "This all happened because of what happened three hours ago…"

*Cut to Three Hours Ago*

_WAIT WAIT! You already _told_ me about what happened at this time!_

…_I did?_

_Yes, of course you did!_

_Are you sure? Let me continue for a bit._

Sonic was setting up a video camera in the laundry room and he pressed the record button. "Da daaa, da daaa, da da da da daaa da, da da da daaa!" he scatted to his retro theme. "It's time for another Sonic Says!"

_He opens the dryer and finds Tails and Cosmo. You already told me this!_

…_Really? Well, if you say so._

_Yes! Now go back to the present time._

_Fine._

*Cut to Present Time*

Wack continued, "Wack started narrating about what was happening right now, since Angie demanded it so. Even so, she is looking even more irritated."

Angie glared at Wack and she spat, "OF COURSE I'M IRRITATED! I wasn't talking about _now_ Present Time. I meant after the flashback was done! What happened after that?"

"Well, since you talked me into it, I shall tell you what Tails was-"

"I get it. Just continue." Angie said in exasperation.

*Cut to After Tails' Flashback that Explained How the Metarex Battle Began*

Tails finished his flashback and he growled, "If Sonic hadn't caught me and Cosmo making love, this whole thing wouldn't have happened!"

…_Really? The battle came about because the dryer scene happened? Even though there's _no_ way those two scenes are related, the dryer scene CAUSED the Metarex battle? With _no_ connections between the two?_

_Not true! Both scenes have Tails, Cosmo, and Sonic! And since the battle happened _after_ Sonic caught Tails and Cosmo in the act, that dryer scene caused the battle._

…_In other words, if X came before Y, X causes Y?_

_Precisely!_

…_That isn't quite a true argument. But I don't want to waste more time, so just continue._

Pale Bay Leaf declared, "I don't want to waste time, unlike _some_ Metarex Kings." He glared at Narcissus. "Time to launch a full attack!" Pale Bay Leaf pressed a button, and Black Narcissus pressed another.

"OKAAAY!" Yellow Zelkova smashed his button.

"Nice job breaking it, villain." mumbled Bay Leaf. The other Metarex ships fired several lasers at Sonic and his friends. Which instead hit the other Metarex ships.

Chris gasped, "They're shooting down their own ships!"

"Heheh, that's pretty funny." snickered Sonic as he watched the Metarex ships explode.

Black Narcissus gazed at the carnage. "Ohhhhhh, that doesn't seem fabulous at all…"

"At least it works!" Zelkova countered as he continued smashing buttons.

Cosmo checked her monitor and she notified, "The Palm Tree Shield's weakening!"

Knuckles' face showed up on the big screen and he shouted, "GUYS! We need a new plan fast!"

"I thought we told you to stay in your room!" Tails snapped.

"I'm broadcasting _in_ my room!" Knuckles objected as he moved the camera to show his unmade bed and empty food wrappers lying everywhere.

"Well clean it up!" commanded Tails as he shut off the communicator. "Well, it seems like the only thing blocking us is the main Eggman space police cruiser. We might have to use the Sonic Drive cannon."

"Uh, hold on a second." said Sonic as he walked into the room. "For a moment, I thought you said the words 'Sonic', 'Drive', and 'Cannon' in the same sentence."

"It's the only way we can stop him!" Tails stated.

"Hey, remember when we used to, you know, run 'em over?" questioned Sonic. "Can't we go back to _those_ days?"

"You don't know what a ship that size could do to the Blue Typhoon!"

"Only one way to find out!" Sonic quickly spoke as he rushed down the hallway. He stopped and saw two doors, one that read 'Control Room', and another that read 'Not Control Room'. "Hmm, he must be _expecting_ me to try to take over the Control Room. Well I'm not going to fall for that!" Sonic walked through the 'Not Control Room' door, only to fall several feet into the cannon. "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?"

"I knew you'd think I would expect you to go into the 'Control Room' door." announced Tails. "So I used reverse psychology, and the door marked 'Control Room' actually _did_ lead to the control room! So have a nice flight!"

"No no no please no!" pleaded Sonic, banging on the sides. But Tails pressed the button and Sonic was fired out.

Eggman watched the hedgehog fly toward him. "Well, it must be Hanukkah _somewhere_." He pressed a button and different lasers crossed in front of the main ship to form the Jewish Star of David.

Sonic continued flying until he stopped smack in the centre of the star. "…Ow." he moaned as he slid down the star like it was a pane of glass.

At the same time, the Master Emerald started going haywire with the plasmic bolts. "Oh no! Not the Master Emerald!" cried Knuckles as he ran into the hold to stop it. But the bolts shocked Knuckles and electrocuted him. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Why… is it mean to me?"

Tails gazed at the Jewish Star still intact. "…The cannon…"

"That's all you're worried about?" spat Sonic as he continued sliding down.

Tails still stared aghast at the star. "Judaism… stopped the Sonic Drive Cannon… EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIE!"

Later, Knuckles and Sonic were in body casts and they lay in hospital beds. "Oh, Sonic!" cried Amy as she tended to Sonic. "Please feel better soon! PLEASE!"

"What about _me_?" asked Knuckles. "Don't _I_ matter?"

"…No." responded Amy as she continued to look after Sonic.

Chris observed the machine recordings and noted, "Since the vortex energy walls are weakening, we could transfer the rest of our power to the Master Emerald. Then we could make it outta here. What do you think, Tails?"

Tails just stared at the star mindlessly. "…It's all wrong… All my intelligence… adds up to nothing…"

"…Are you okay, Tails?"

"…I'm not sure. Okay doesn't seem specific to me anymore…"

Black Narcissus giggled, "Time to teach them a slow and sure lesson, _my_ style."

Eggman stepped back and he whispered, "I'm just going to sneak away now…"

Pale Bay Leaf ordered, "All ships fire at the Blue Typhoon! But after the wall is down!"

Cream looked at her monitor and asked, "What does that word say?"

Tails slowly turned to the monitor and he mumbled, "I'm not sure. Those letters could mean anything…"

"It clearly says 'Danger'." answered Chris.

"OH NO!" Cream wailed.

Chris observed, "They must be getting ready to fire at us when the Jewish Star is down. But Tails can figure out how to save us, right?"

Tails' eyes welled up and he screamed, "I'M NOT A REAL CAPTAIN!" He sobbed loudly as he ran out of the room.

"We should comfort him!" Cosmo stated. The others just sat back lazily. "…Well don't everyone get up at once!" She got out of her seat and hurried after Tails.

Meanwhile, Dr. Eggman and Bokkun arrived in the Crimson Egg and he greeted, "Your god has returned!"

"We noticed." grumbled Decoe. "Anyway, the Star of David shall go down in five minutes! Then we can speed attack!"

Eggman looked at his pocket watch thoughtfully. "Five minutes… hmm…" He stared at Bocoe and Decoe with a grin.

"…Oh no, he's gonna make us dress up like Shadow and Rouge again!" cried Bocoe. "I don't wanna be a bat again!"

"Now now, just put on your suits!" ordered Eggman as he chased them with Shadow and Rouge costumes.

Back on the Blue Typhoon, Cosmo caught up to Tails and she told him, "Tails! Just wait a second!"

"I can't. I'm not sure how long a second lasts anymore." Tails mumbled.

"Snap out of it! You're starting to become too much like me!" Cosmo stated. "Don't you remember what you told me a while ago? Something about rage being okay. I can't remember the rest of it."

"Your point?"

"Your problems are _our_ problems!" responded Cosmo. "So snap out of it and stop giving us problems!" She added seductively, "Besides, if we make it out okay, we can get back to where we were…"

"…Now that I _am_ sure of!" Tails said as his tails started wagging again.

_So Tails is motivated by… romance. Instead of something… legitimate._

_That's the power of love! Don't need money, don't need-_

_I get it, I get it._

Chris stared out the window until Eggman appeared on screen. "Hello Chris! How does it feel to have a knife under your throat?"

"HUH?" gasped Chris as he saw that a Chris-hater was suddenly holding a dagger at his throat.

"Aww, you spoiled my surprise!" groaned the Chris-hater as he walked off annoyed.

Chris glared at Eggman and he spat, "Why should I listen to you? You betrayed us!"

"Oh, Chris. You of all people should know that I was the enemy from the beginning!" chortled Eggman. "Anyway, you've got five minutes until the Star of Eggman disappears, and two options!"

"Star of _Eggman_?"

"Option one: Ram into the star and fizzle the Typhoon!" started Eggman. "Option B: Sit on your butts waiting for us to destroy you once and for all! Oh ho ho ho ho!"

"Don't laugh at us!" declared Chris.

"Sorry, I was laughing at Bocoe and Decoe. Look!" Eggman turned the camera to show Decoe dressed as Shadow and Bocoe dressed as Rouge.

"I told you, I didn't want to be Rouge again!" whined Bocoe.

"Shut up and kiss!" ordered Eggman.

"NO! I wanna be straight!" Decoe cried. Bokkun pushed the two of them together, and the camera turned off before something else happened.

Chris looked back at the star and he moaned, "We're all screwed."

"Now, don't be like Cosmo!" said Tails as he triumphantly walked in. "We've only got four minutes to save the world, so let's research while the song plays!"

"He said _five_ minutes." pointed out Chris.

"Well now it's _four_." stated Tails as he motioned to Hal. HAL then started playing "Four Minutes to Save the World", and Tails danced his way to his seat. "_We're outta time, all we got is 4 minutes, 4 minutes._"

Cosmo sang, "_Time is waiting, we only got 4 minutes to save the world! No hesitating, grab a boy, grab a girl! Time is waiting, we only got 4 minutes to save the world! No hesitating, we only got 4 minutes, 4 minutes._"

As the song kept playing, Tails observed, "With laws similar to the Coriolis Effect, the vortex seems to generate an electro-magnetic field that attracts the positive and negative particles which create a dense wall. But if the rotation is _reversed_, we'd get an inverse force field that will arise when the star disappears."

Cream looked at the notes and she whimpered, "I'm too confused!"

"At least this whole thing will happen at the location of the star, so we'd be okay!" Chris remarked.

"Er, however…"

"What's the catch?" sighed Chris.

"We might need to use Sonic…" said Tails as he looked toward the infirmary.

"NO! I DON'T WANNA GO! OUCH!" shouted Sonic as Amy dragged him toward Tails. "Please don't make me do this! You're my friend, right?"

"Sorry, it's the only way!" Tails spoke as he helped Amy pull Sonic to the Hyper Tornado.

"Owowowow! No, stop this! OUCH! Let me go!" Sonic demanded, but he was tossed on top of the Hyper Tornado. "Oooh! My back! And legs!" The Blue Typhoon did another illegal U-turn, making the passengers fly to the other side.

"Sorry guys! It's for your own good!" Tails spoke into the intercom as the Hyper Tornado took off.

"Look, the hedgehog is coming back." Decoe noted as he tore off the Shadow costume.

"Yeah, they didn't choose your options, Eggman!" added Bocoe as he scrambled out of the Rouge costume.

"WHYYY? They were perfectly good options!" Dr. Eggman whined. "And get back in your costumes!"

"NEVER!" declared the two robots as they hurried away from Eggman.

Cream told Tails, "The Master Emerald seems stable now."

"_I_ was going to say that!" Knuckles spat on the intercom.

"Go back to your hospital bed!" snapped Tails. "Now is the time to use the Ring Road!"

"Got it!" said Chris as he activated the tunnel of rings. "In you go!"

"NOOO!" cried Sonic as he was pushed inside. His shoes' rockets pushed Sonic toward the giant star, and Sonic struggled to stay upright. "Oooh, my legs are cracking under my weight!" The giant star disappeared just as Sonic got out of the Ring Road, revealing a dark swirling cloud. "Oh no, it's the smoke monster from LOST!" Sonic was shot right inside it, then the cloud… flatulated.

"EW! It farted!" Amy groaned as she held her nose.

_Okay, _why_ was that necessary? Did this _need_ a fart joke?_

_All good things have fart jokes!_

…_Please continue already._

"I don't think it worked, whatever you were trying to do." Cream said.

"Wait for it… _wait_ for it…" Tails mumbled as he closed his eyes in patience.

Soon, the dark cloud started getting electrocuted, along with Sonic inside it. "AAAAAAAAAAH! I'm already in pain!" Then the cloud spit Sonic out.

"Sonic!" called Chris as he drove the Hyper Tornado toward Sonic.

"Ugh, I see a light…" Sonic breathed as he floated off. Then he smacked into Chris' windshield.

"AAAAAH!"

"OWWWWWWW!"

Pale Bay Leaf looked out and said, "Okay, what's taking so long? Fire at them!" The Metarex ships fired all their missiles at the Blue Typhoon.

"Tails, they're firing at us for real." whimpered Cream. Amy was starting to panic, and Cosmo quickly started praying.

Tails mumbled, "Just… have to… believe…" Then the vortex tunnel started warping.

"HUH? What's going on?" cried Zelkova. "Seriously, I don't understand what's going on!" Soon the tunnel starting generating more electrical bolts.

"Okay, now make the Palm Trees concentrate their power at the front of the ship." ordered Tails. The Palm Tree Shield covered the front of the ship as it moved down the vortex tunnel. "Now we just need the Master Emerald to generate more energy! Fast!"

Meanwhile, Knuckles crawled down the hallway with the magical towel on his head. "Must… save the Master Emerald. Must… become useful…"

Hal spoke, "I know you're trying to make yourself better than me. But it won't work."

"Says you. I've got MOOON MAGIC!" declared Knuckles as he crawled into the Master Emerald room. "The servers of the Master are the seven Chaos Emeralds. Seven is good, seven is perfect! Master Emerald has power, the power enriched by the heart! Heart pumps blood, blood is life! Life leads to blessing, blessing leads to consequence! Consequences are understood, do not forget!"

The energy levels went back up, and Tails put the Blue Typhoon on full throttle. It went through the dark cloud in bursts of technicolor colour, nearly causing everyone seizures.

Bay Leaf gasped, "So _that's_ what they were trying to do! …Whatever they did."

Eggman stared in shock at the incoming cloud. "Stay behind the main space police cruiser. This is gonna be messy…"

On the Blue Typhoon, the ship struggled through black cloud turbulence until it finally reached normal space. "…We did it! We passed the test!"

"What test?" asked Cosmo.

Tails held her hands and he answered, "The test… of faith!"

"…Well I'm glad you're feeling better."

Chris looked behind him and he spoke, "So, to recap, we survived even though we had no idea what we did? I guess I'll take it."

Back in the medical room, Sonic and Knuckles lied back on the hospital beds in body casts. "…I must've gotten too much morphine, because I see a little ant examining us."

Tails walked into the room and he began, "I'm sorry for th- Hey, where'd that ant come from?"

The ant glanced at Tails and he assured Tails, "Don't worry, I'm a professional at illnesses."

"…Strange, you sound like Balthazar Blake. At least, that's what Cosmo told me his new name was." remarked Tails.

"I'm actually Zoc, the doctor for my colony, which I should be getting back to now." Zoc crawled down the bed and added, "If you happen to see a boy smaller than me, I had nothing to do with it."

"…Okaaaay…" Tails walked over to the beds and he apologized, "I'm sorry for the injuries you had to take."

"DAMN STRAIGHT!" Sonic snapped.

"Everything happened because of my incompetence…"

"Stop being like Cosmo again." Knuckles ordered. "What matters is that I saved everyone, see? So I'm useful after all!" Just then the other main heroes came into the room and crowded around Sonic.

"Oh, Sonic, you saved everyone!" cheered Amy.

"Well done, Sonic!" Chris congratulated.

Knuckles stared at them and he whimpered, "B-but I _saved_ you! I'm _useful_! T-the towel!"

"Shh! No one cares!" shushed Cream before turning her attention back to Sonic.

Tails added, "You didn't even do anything!"

Knuckles clenched Tails' shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?" He winced in pain. "OWWWWWWW!" Knuckles fell back in his bed, his arms stuck in a clenching position. "Oh, why me?"

"I told you your plan would not work." Hal told Knuckles.

Knuckles garbled unintelligently, "Ga-fra-bl-dri-"

"Now now, no one likes a blabber mouth." said Tails as he increased Knuckles' morphine level.

"Hraaaa! AAAH!" objected Knuckles to no avail. He slowly closed his eyes and passed out.

"Shh shh shhhhh…" Tails whispered before covering him with a blanket.

* * *

><p><em>Believe it or not, I got this whole chapter done today. I just delayed because of computer problems and my readdiction to Mario Golf Toadstool Tour. But anyway, please review!<em>


	19. Head Hunt

_Hey everybody, it's Yosep! My sister is nice enough to let me use her precious computer to type my chapters. On with the fic!_

Episode 19: Head Hunt

All the remaining Dalek/Kabutops Metarex were chilling in the break room watching football on the big screen. "Come on! Go! GO!" the Metarex were shouting. The intense moment was cut off by a 'Special Report' screen. "AWWWWWWWWW!"

Dark Oak appeared onscreen and he announced boredly, "As per request of the 4 Metarex Kings, you are now going to be reintroduced to them."

The TV showed Pale Bay Leaf. "I am Pale Bay Leaf! The merciless excecu-" His head fell off again. "AH (bleep!)"

The TV cut to Yellow Zelkova, who was eating more spicy rice curry. "Mmm! Oh my! This is good." He then noticed the camera in front of him and jumped in surprise. "Oh! We're doing this now? Uh, hang on, hang on…" He turned around and quickly finished his curry, then faced the camera, not realizing he still had curry on his chin. "I am Yellow- BUUURRRRRRP!"

The TV changed again and showed a dark room with coloured dance lights moving all over the place and a beat could be heard playing. Black Narcissus danced into view and sang, "_Don't-cha wish that you could be HAWT like ME?" _He threw his cape open, revealing a very glittery outfit.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" the Dalutops Metarex cried as they covered their eyes or looked away.

But then the TV changed a final time and showed Eggman wearing a white robe with a golden crown on his head and a staff in his hand. "I am God Eggman! WORSHIP MEEEEEE!" he commanded as he put his face right up to the camera.

The Kabulek Metarex groaned, "Not another weirdo."

_Why are they called different names each time? Can't they just pick a name and stick with it?_

_Nope, they're still finding their identity! You should do that sometime!_

_Ugh!_

Later, they were forced to make a party for Eggman. When the doctor showed up, still wearing his costume, he declared, "Don't worry! Now that your god is here, Sonic will be crushed!" Bay Leaf rolled his eyes, but Zelkova just kept on eating curry.

Decoe nervously whispered to Eggman, "I think you should stop with the 'god' thing."

"Why should I?" Dr. Eggman asked indignantly.

"Because if you don't, they'll make you pay!"

"Impossible, they can't kill me!" boasted Eggman as he flexed his 'muscle'. "I'm a _god_, remember?"

Bocoe rolled his eyes, then he picked up a laptop. "Here, Decoe and I made this Flash cartoon to explain what could happen if you continue hogging attention."

_Wait, now we're going to watch a cartoon? Or rather hear about a crummy cartoon?_

_You don't know if it would be crummy if you hadn't heard about it yet!_

_Well knowing how crummy Bocoe and Decoe are, I can assume their Flash short will be crummy too._

The two robots opened the project and pressed play. As they sat beside Eggman and ate some leftover snacks, a crudely drawn title appeared on screen. Decoe's voice read, "God Eggman: His Fatal End!"

"Gods don't have fatal ends!" grumbled Eggman.

"SHH! The movie's starting!" shushed Bocoe. The screen showed a black background with enormous stars. Then Dr. Eggman as a stick-person walked (or more accurately, slid) into view.

"That's not me!" Eggman scoffed. "My figure is _much_ fuller than _that_!"

Stick-figure Eggman started speaking with Decoe's voice, "Hello mortals! I am God Eggman, and I'm full of myself!"

"I don't sound like that!"

"Stop interrupting!" Decoe snapped. The other Metarex Kings, again drawn as stick-people, slid around Eggman.

Stick-figure Eggman bragged, "I shall kill Sonic, because I believe no one else has a chance!" Then Sonic as a stick-hog appeared in front of Eggman, and he cackled, "Die, Sonic, Die!" The screen depicted Eggman zapping Sonic repeatedly, and Sonic subsequently exploded in a blob of red.

"Hey, _we_ wanted to do that!" whined Stick Zelkova.

Stick Bay Leaf suggested, "Why don't we just kill Eggman too?"

"And rape him!" added Stick Narcissus cheerfully. What followed was a depiction of the Metarex Kings brutally murdering Eggman, filled with poorly drawn gore and lots of red lines.

"The end!" chimed Bocoe's voice along with the terribly drawn title card.

Eggman spoke, "That's ridiculous! They'd never do that!" After a pause, he asked, "What should I do to prevent that unlikely event?"

Bocoe suggested, "You could give a gift to Black Narcissus."

Eggman protested, "EWWW! NO WAY! He might get the wrong idea!"

"Let me finish." Bocoe continued, "Then you could give a back rub to Pale Bay Leaf."

"You really don't understand that I'm trying to avoid looking gay, do you?"

"Then, you could compliment Yellow Zelkova on his golfing." Bocoe finished.

Eggman spat, "Are you kidding? Zelkova couldn't hit a golf ball if he used a tennis racket!"

Decoe and Bocoe sighed, "It's the only way…"

Eggman scratched his head and grumbled, "Fine. I guess it could be kinda funny to act like that."

Dark Oak tapped on the microphone to check for feedback and got everyone's attention. He announced, "The battle the other day was fantastic. …_If_ you were trying to disappoint me." He glared at everyone. "But there is another chance. Sonic is somewhere in this zone." He pointed to a spot on the map.

Narcissus remarked, "Oh no, that's the Twilight Zone! Communications are impossible there!"

Bay Leaf noted, "They probably just went there to fix their crummy little space shuttle."

Zelkova still wasn't paying attention and he continued eating curry.

Dark Oak asked, "Now who wants to go find him?"

Nobody moved. Then Bay Leaf nudged Eggman and whispered, "Hey, if we both raise our hands, maybe we'll get promotions!"

Eggman liked the sound of that, so he raised his hand with a big smile.

Dark Oak spoke, "Thank you for volunteering, Dr. Eggman."

"HUH?" Eggman looked at Bay Leaf and saw he was standing nonchalantly with his hands behind his back. "But- I-"

Dark Oak dumped a pile of posters on Eggman and said, "Put up these posters of him and his friends while the others search for him." He left the room.

Zelkova finally started listening and told the Dalekabutops Metarex, "Go find the enemies and bring them here to be ground up for my curry!"

"Yay." the minions droned sarcastically.

Bay Leaf added more screws to his neck joint, and Narcissus strode away, saying, "This scene is for squares. I'm leaving." He then noticed Eggman sneaking away in the hallway in front of him so he said, "Heeey, handsome!"

Eggman did his best to hide his disgust as he reluctantly turned around. "I was…er, just on my way to find Sonic. Yeah."

Black Narcissus walked closer with a sly expression. "Ohhhh no. You're not getting away from me again that easily."

Eggman reminded boldly, "Now hold on. Don't forget that my robots can kick your butt any day!"

Narcissus was taken aback. "Ugh! How _dare_ you speak to me like that!"

"All I'm saying is I'm trying to create my ideal personal space. And you're invading it." the doctor explained.

Narcissus glared suspiciously at him. "Oh, I see how it is…"

"Good! Glad there's no problem between us." Eggman said as he started to walk away.

That night, on a planet in the Twilight Zone, the Chaotix were running a bar by converting their portable office into one. Inside the dim room sat a few customers. Charmy, who was serving, took a sip of someone's drink and then gave it to him. "Here's your order! It tastes great! Uh, but I wouldn't know about that, I'm too young to drink. Heheh…" He quickly buzzed away to serve more customers.

Espio was behind the bar, spitting into glasses and wiping them with a rag. "How'd I get stuck with _this_ job?" he muttered.

Vector was playing the piano, when he stopped and looked at the screen. "Oh hello. I didn't hear you come in. You're probably wondering why I'm playing a piano. It's called the Law of Musical Omnipotence. Simply put, any character capable of musical talent is automatically capable of doing much more simple things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on… Especially if they have never attempted these things before."

"Who are you talking to?" Charmy asked.

Vector pushed him away and scowled, "Don't interrupt me!"

"But there's no one there-"

Vector continued, "As I was saying, I've always wanted to play in a band…"

*Vector's Band Fantasy*

Espio and Charmy were playing instruments as Vector sang on stage. Their music was so terrible that the audience, made up of Eggman's robots, exploded.

Eggman whined, "Waaaaa! My robots were defeated by pure awesomeness!"

*End Vector's Band Fantasy*

Then Vector added, "I also bet you're wondering why we all ended up running a bar on this coincidental planet. It all started when we left the Blue Typhoon after Tails' Titanic party…"

*Cut to Several Weeks Ago*

Vector leaned back in his chair with his feet resting on the steering wheel.

Espio looked at his map and told him, "Take the next right, Vector."

"You seem to have forgotten something, Espio." Vector said. "We don't need no directions. We have HAL now, remember? He can pilot the ship for us!"

The Hal Autopilot that Tails installed spoke, "I must remind you that we should not forget about the mission."

"What mission? All you have to do is get us home!" Vector pointed out. He lied back down and chuckled to himself, "And then I shall be reunited with Vanilla at last. Question is, should I propose to her right then and there or should we just have our first kiss?" Vector asked Hal, "What do you think?"

"You can ponder your plans after we complete the mission."

Espio nudged Vector and mumbled, "We should've just taken that right."

"Stop being a worrywart! Hal will just steer our way to Vanilla!" Vector assured. He looked out and saw a Cloyster-shaped black hole. "I'll prove it to ya! That way is _clearly_ not the way home! But if _Hal_ knows that, then he'll steer us away from it!" Vector turned the ship toward the black hole and leaned back.

"Vector, turn right now." Espio ordered sternly.

Charmy giggled, "Don't worry Espio! HAL is the best autopilot there is, right?"

"We must not delay the mission."

"Vector, there's _clearly_ something wrong with him." cautioned Espio.

"Don't worry, he'll steer this ship away _any_ moment now!" Vector said as he watched the black hole come closer to them. As the black hole engulfed them, Vector still added calmly, "_Aaaaany_ second now! …Wait for it!" Then everything started warping like an iMovie effect.

"Cool! We're being edited in iMovie!" Charmy cheered as he flew around slowly and dizzily.

"Veeectoooooorrrrrrrr!" moaned Espio as he lunged toward Vector in slow-motion.

Vector slowly turned his head and vomited slowly at Espio. "Bleaaaahh! Ohhhhh, woooooow, it's even swirrrrrling!"

Espio's eyes widened as he saw the vomit come toward him. "Noooooooooooooooo!"

"The missiiiiioooonnn…" droned Hal.

*Cut to Vector in the Bar*

"That's how we ended up in the Twilight Zone!" finished Vector.

"Why'd ya stop speaking for a minute?" Charmy asked.

"It's for dramatic effect, my drink server." explained Vector as he sipped his own liquor. "Now get back to work!"

"Fine, but someday _I'll_ be running this place!" declared Charmy as he zoomed toward the drink racks.

Espio grumbled, "May I remind you that we're only bartenders _temporarily_. We're only making enough money in order to buy parts to repair our ship."

"You mean, enough money to buy a present for Vanilla!" clarified Vector.

"No, we're _not_ getting her anything until we get back home!" Espio snapped. "And this time, we're _not_ following Hal."

"Oh come on, he must've known that black hole would take us closer to home. That's why he didn't steer the ship outta the way!" reasoned Vector. The entrance opened and Vector greeted, "Hello new customer! May I get your name, sir or madam?"

"I'm Dr. Eggman. You've heard of me before." stated the doctor as his robots marched in.

"Ah, Dr. Eggman! Yes, we unintentionally worked for you in Sonic Heroes!" Vector then narrowed his eyes and reminded, "You _still_ haven't payed us."

"We'll deal with that after I'm done with my business." Dr. Eggman began, "I am looking for a hedgehog."

"Oh yes, I know a lot of hedgehogs! They're the most overused species in Sonic fan characters!" Vector took out his list of OCs and asked, "So, are you searching for Zero the Hedgehog? I hear he's pretty popular!"

"No, you dolt!" Dr. Eggman held up a poster and stated, "I'm looking for _canon_ characters. _These_ ones!" The poster showed a photo of Sonic, Chris, Amy, Cream, Tails, and Cosmo in prominent positions. Knuckles was in the picture too, but he was in the back, obscured by everyone else with a bar code covering his face. "So, have you seen them?"

Vector sighed, "Truth to be told, I was with them several weeks ago, but I'm not with them now. Pity, since I was _so_ close to exposing their inappropriate relationship!"

"Uh, whose relationship?"

Vector pointed to Tails and Cosmo in the picture and spoke, "Those two were erotically in love with each other, I just _know_ it! Oh, look at them close together. They're probably grinning slyly at _me_, as if to say, 'Ha ha, you didn't catch us! Now we'll go through pre-teen pregnancy and have mutant babies!'"

Dr. Eggman stared at Vector awkwardly. "…Could you just put these posters up?"

"Why do you need them?" questioned Espio.

"Oh, this card will explain." said Eggman as he handed them a playing card with a picture of a skull-like spider on it.

"…What is it?"

"_Everyone_ always asks that." Eggman groaned. "That's my Metarex King membership card! Though I'm not just a _king_, you see. I'm actually a GOD!"

"Cool!" Charmy flew up to Eggman with paper and pen and asked, "Can I get your autograph, God?"

"I'm not _God_, I am _a_ god!" corrected Eggman as he struck a pose.

"Aw, never mind." Charmy said disappointingly as he flew back to the bar.

Eggman sat on a stool and ordered, "As your new god, I command you to put up these posters for everyone to see!"

"No way, we have no more room for posters!" Vector spat as he pointed to the crowded bulletin board. "True, most of them are my love letter drafts to Vanilla- I mean, you can't take them down!"

"Fine, then we'll take our poster business _elsewhere_." Eggman sneered. "Come on boys, we're not wanted here."

"Hmph!" Bocoe went as he walked out with his posters.

"Some bartenders _you_ are." Decoe chided as he stepped out with his head upward snootily.

"Heh, those lunatics! They honestly thought they would find Sonic _here_!" chuckled Vector. He walked upstairs and continued, "I mean, _seriously_, those guys are clearly thousands of miles away by now!" Vector opened the door to his room only to find Sonic, Chris, Amy, Cream, and Knuckles. "AAAAAAAAAH!"

"AAAAAAAAAH!" cried Sonic. "You weren't supposed to find us _yet_!"

"What the- how'd you- huh?" stammered Vector.

Knuckles glared at Sonic and groaned, "I told you hiding out here was a _bad_ idea. But you never listen to me!"

"Because your ideas _suck_." Sonic responded meanly.

"Okay, what's going on?" Vector demanded. "First you break into my bar-slash-house-slash-office-slash-spaceship, and then you're all casual like I _let_ you hide here!"

"Well wouldn't you?" asked Cream sweetly.

"NOOO!" snapped Vector. Cream started whimpering, and Vector quickly said, "Oh, I mean, of course I would! Yes, for you, I'd let you in! Oh, please don't cry! Don't cry, no no-"

"WAAAAAAAAAAA-haaa!"

"Now look what you did!" scolded Amy. "It'll take us an _hour_ to shut her up!"

Espio groggily walked into the room and moaned, "Vector, what did you do?"

"Nothing! I just found these fugitives!" spoke Vector as he tried covering Cream's mouth. "I mean, I'm not sure _why_ they are here, I just found them and Cream started crying randomly!"

Charmy looked into the room and asked, "Hey, aren't those the people we saw in Eggman's poster?"

"Dr. Eggman?" gasped Chris. "That's it, we have to leave now. We're off!"

"We can't leave now!" Sonic reminded. "We still have to fix our ship since _Tails_ crash-landed it when we got here!"

Back at the Blue Typhoon, Tails and Cosmo just stood outside. "…How did I crash?" asked Tails.

"I think the ship was going _unattended_ if you know what I mean…" said Cosmo.

"Oh yeah, we have to _time_ our moments too…" Tails responded. "Well, we're alone just the two of us. So…"

"Uh, I'm not feeling it now…" Cosmo spoke. "I mean, Calvan still thinks the engagement is still on, so lately he's searching for me."

_Wait, Tonners never told Calvan that the engagement was off? And Calvan never found out about it? What were they doing this whole time?_

Meanwhile, Calvan walked down the hallway and snickered, "Time to check if the engagement deeds go according to my plan…" He went to open Tonners' door, but was instead met with a dining trolley that rammed into him and carried him down the hallways. "WHOOOAAAAA!" Calvan was moved past several doors and into the kitchen. He crashed through several plates and slid into a lot of prepared food.

"That took me hours to make, you klutz!" spat the chef and he chased Calvan out with a giant ham.

"Sooorrryyyy!" wailed Calvan as he ran out of the kitchen, only to fall into the laundry chute and plummet down several hard walls.

_Can we just get back to the characters that we _care_ about?_

_Fine, picky picky._

Sonic told Vector, "We have to buy the parts we need so Tails can pay us back. But I can't go shopping without being seen. …But I can go shop_lifting_!"

"No! Stop being a bad example!" ordered Amy. "We need someone that the Metarex wouldn't know about. Or someone they wouldn't care about."

Vector yawned and stepped toward the exit. "While you're thinking about that, I'm just gonna go shopping for things _I_ need. Toura! Or however the British say goodbye!"

Cream stopped crying and asked, "Wait! Why don't _you_ get the things we need?"

"Are you kidding? Of course n-" Vector stopped himself when he saw Cream whimpering again. "I mean, of course! I can buy the parts you need! Uh, I'm sure my _own_ ship parts (and my present to Vanilla) can wait! But you'll have to pay me back!"

"Yeah yeah, you can give the bill to Tails." Sonic said casually.

"And here's the list!" Amy added as she took out a folded sheet of paper. "I've made sure _all_ the things we need are on it!"

At the shopping centre, Vector walked down the hardware aisle and took out the paper Amy gave him. "Now let's see… Hey! There's nothing written on it! How am I supposed to know what to get?" He glanced over to a shop worker and mumbled, "I could just ask that guy for what parts I would need to build a cruise ship…" Vector looked up the racks and noticed a bottle of perfume. "How'd a perfume get in the hardware aisle? …But it would smell nice on Vanilla… No! Must… resist… temptation!" Vector looked back at the blank list and shrugged his shoulders. "If they ask, I'll just say this was what I _guessed_ would be on the list." He swiped the perfume bottle and several other ship parts.

Meanwhile, the Metarex ships surrounded the planet and with their high-tech cameras they found Vector shopping.

_And they can't find Sonic and the others? Some high-technology._

"Hmm, so _that's_ what that croc is up to." mused Pale Bay Leaf. "We'll wait for Dr. Eggman to mess up, and _then_ we attack!" His head leaned forward, but Bay Leaf quickly pushed it back in place. "Maybe that store has a neck joint…"

Back at the Blue Typhoon, Tails and Cosmo still stood outside in the exact same spot. "…We didn't _do_ anything yet!" groaned Tails.

"I wonder why…" Cosmo thought out loud.

Back at the Chaotix Bar, Vector pulled in a bag of parts and presents that _he_ wanted. "Uh, the list was, er, _hard to read_, so I just guessed, heheh."

Chris examined the parts and remarked, "Nice job! You got every part we needed! And spare parts too!"

"What?" gasped Vector. "I mean, uh-"

"Wow, you even got the perfume I wanted!" Amy squealed as she snatched the perfume bottle. "And a present for all the other girls, too!"

"No, that was-"

Sonic congratulated, "Good work. Never thought you were the generous type, Vector!"

Vector shifted his eyes, then sighed sadly, "You're welcome."

Amy took out her wristwatch and said, "I'll just call Tails with my communicator watch and-"

"Wait! What if the Metarex are tapping in to our communications?" interrupted Chris.

Amy glared at him and groaned, "Well how else are we gonna talk to Tails?"

Chris pondered for a bit, then said, "There's always the good old smoke signal."

"Too bad we left our campfire supplies on the ship." grumbled Sonic. Everyone turned to look at Vector.

"…Why are you looking at me?"

Cream began, "If I recall from our battle in Sonic Heroes, you were the _power_ type, right?"

"Well, I am _stronger_ than the average crocodile." Vector agreed boastingly. "In fact, I could lift all these parts by myself!"

"Good, then you wouldn't mind doing so." Amy said as she handed all the stuff back to Vector.

Vector struggled to hold everything and he mumbled, "Why do I keep falling for their tricks? They better pay me back soon!"

After several minutes, the Chaotix and Sonic's gang were on the Chaotix ship. "Why are we here?" Knuckles asked.

"We're leaving on _my_ ship!" stated Vector.

"But we didn't fix it yet!" pointed out Charmy.

Vector glared at Charmy and asked creepily, "_Didn't_ we?"

"…No!"

"Shut up! It's worth a shot!" Vector snapped as he grabbed the wheel.

"Don't listen to Hal this time." warned Espio.

"Ooh! Almost forgot about him!" Vector turned on Hal and asked him, "Alright, which way to home?"

"Just wait a minute. I detect Dr. Eggman inside your bar." said Hal. "Talk with him first so we can later make progress with the mission."

"Fine!" grumbled Vector as he walked out the space ship and into the bar. Eggman was sitting alone on a stool. "I thought I told you never to come in here!"

"You never said that." Eggman pointed out. "The last thing you said to me was, 'True, most of them are my love letter drafts to Vanilla- I mean, you can't take them down!' Remember, you said that?"

"Well that declaration of banning you was implied." Vector said as he walked toward the drink rack. "So why are you here, Doctor?"

"I noticed you had very few customers, so consider this a pity drink." Dr. Eggman answered.

"Hey! I don't need a _pity drink_." snarled Vector. He paused for a moment, then quickly put on a bartender outfit and asked, "So what can I get ya?"

"Just anything to quench my hunger." responded Eggman. "After all, I need a proper meal after Sonic was defeated in the last battle."

Sonic and the others were hearing the conversation and Amy growled, "The nerve of him! He _knows_ Sonic wasn't defeated in the vortex!"

Eggman continued, "I think Sonic must be very depressed and emo. Like Shadow!"

Knuckles growled, "How dare he say that stuff about Sonic! …He should be saying those insults to _me_! What, I'm not important to get an insult from Dr. Eggman?"

"Exactly!" giggled Sonic with a mischievous grin.

Vector glared at Eggman for a moment, then he got out a bottle of sarsaparilla and poured a glass of it. "Here, it's on me. For some reason."

"Hey! I wanted _liquor_!" demanded Eggman.

"Well you can't! We have to clean it up for the American version." Vector grumbled.

"But weren't you drinking liquor earlier?" Dr. Eggman questioned.

"Maybe that scene will be cut out!" spoke Vector. "Now enjoy your drink, _sir_."

"Of course… _mortal_."

Sonic and the others continued listening, and Amy noted, "It seems like Eggman is having… a _drink_?"

"Vector should've kicked him out by now!" Knuckles groaned. "_I_ should've been down there to punch him brutally!"

"Eh, it's not important." mused Sonic. "I mean, Eggman never wins a battle anyway!"

Knuckles clenched Sonic's shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"Why are _you_ surprised?" Sonic questioned in the same calm tone. "Everyone knows Eggman is always the loser!"

"So why am _I_ the last to know?" challenged Knuckles.

Sonic shrugged and stated, "_I_ thought it was kind of obvious." Knuckles refrained himself from beating up Sonic.

Eggman sipped his drink and sighed, "Those Metarex just don't understand. I am a god, and yet they treat me like a lesser being. Is it too much to ask to be treated in luxury? _Is it_?"

Vector muttered, "Maybe it's true for everyone _but_ you."

"And then there's the matter of what the Metarex' missions actually _amount_ to!" continued Eggman. "They seem to just steal every Planet Egg and Chaos Emerald, but for _what_? To just be so powerful that everyone else is killed off so they're the kings of _nothing_? It'll be like that guy… in that story… who became the king of nothing."

"Sounds depressing." mumbled Vector.

Eggman rested his arms on the bar and added, "I know Sonic, and he would rather be defeated by _me_ than by that stupid army."

"How dare he implies that we want to be defeated!" spat Cream in disgust. "And by _him_ too! Ugh!"

"You're missing the point!" Sonic explained to the others, "He's saying that if I _had_ to die, which won't happen, but if it _did_ happen, then I would want to be defeated by Dr. Eggman than by Darth Oak!" The others looked at him awkwardly. "I mean, of course I _don't_ want to die, and it _won't_ happen, but if I _do_ die, then I want it to be a death from Eggman."

"…But Eggman _sucks_." Knuckles pointed out. "You said it yourself."

Sonic sat back and responded, "At least Eggman doesn't have extremely long armpit hair."

_Wow. Justification by armpit hair. From our hero, too._

Dr. Eggman got up and said, "Your god thanks you for the drink."

"Yeah, don't come back here. It won't give a good impression to other customers." ordered Vector.

Dr. Eggman walked toward the door, but his pager started ringing. "Oh, so close." grumbled Eggman before he picked it up. "What is it? Who are you? What do you want?"

"It's just Bokkun, sir."

"Can't you bother me another time?"

"It's important! The Metarex fleet have surrounded the planet!"

Eggman rolled his eyes. "Tell me something I _wouldn't_ know."

"Well, Rouge was forcing me to do stuff for her before you found out she was on your ship."

"…Wait, what?"

"Nothing!" Bokkun lied before he shut off the pager.

Eggman glanced upwards and he pondered out loud, "If the Metarex fleet find Sonic, he'll be killed for sure! I must not let that happen! Killing Sonic was supposed to be _my_ gig! I called it _long before_ the Metarex!" He rushed out the bar with the door swinging.

"Heheh, oh Eggman, you bad liar." chuckled Vector as he went back to tending the bar.

Chris wondered, "What if Eggman is right? It seems likely that the Metarex would find us easily. Apparently they always do so."

"But that means we won't be able to fight back!" whined Knuckles. "Oh, we're gonna die!"

Sonic snickered, "Don't be so hard on yourself, Knuckles!" Knuckles glared at Sonic furiously for a moment. Then Knuckles quickly grabbed his magic towel and rubbed his face vigorously.

Later at the Blue Typhoon, Tails told Sonic's gang and the Chaotix, "Just a few more repairs and we're off to Jamaica. Or, rather, wherever we find another Chaos Emerald."

Sonic glanced at the Chaotix and asked them, "Hey, you wanna come with us?"

"No thanks, I don't wanna die." refused Vector with the other Chaotix members. "Besides, I need to get more money to buy presents for Vanilla." He muttered angrily, "Which just _happened_ to be the gifts _you girls_ wanted."

Meanwhile, Pale Bay Leaf was playing chess with the Chess Metarex. "…You checkmated me in two moves…" He angrily smashed the chess board off the table. "There, now I broke that in _one_ move."

"Hey hey hey! The Blue Typhoon is taking off!" cried a soldier.

"Fine, I'll take a look." Bay Leaf walked to the window and indeed saw… _something_ that looked like the Blue Typhoon. "Strange, something seems… _off_. Like it was made out of paper maché. Oh well, it'll do. Fire." All the Metarex missiles launched at the "Blue Typhoon" and utterly destroyed it in an explosion. Pale Bay Leaf held his hands together and jumped up and down cheering, "I did it! I defeated Sonic! FABu_lous_!" He stopped in shock. "…Oh my gosh, I'm turning into Black Narcissus! AAAAAAAAAAHH!" Bay Leaf ran away in fear, not stopping to pick up his still screaming head that fell off. Which led to his body crashing into the wall and tumbling comically down the stairs. "Ow! Ooh! Ouch! Ack! Aah!" yelled his head as it lay on the floor. A Metarex soldier walked into the room and stared confused at the lone head. "…Make it didn't happen, Dalekabutops. Make it didn't happen!"

_Oh boy, now Pale Bay Leaf is getting dumber. And just as I was starting to _like_ him for keeping most of his sanity._

Back at the Chaotix bar, Espio was still spitting glasses and wiping them. Charmy was still buzzing around and sneaking sips when no one was looking. And Vector still played a mellow melody on the piano. The only difference this time was that there were no customers. "We're never gonna get outta here." moaned Espio.

"Come on! Have fun with this!" Charmy told Espio. "And really put some _muscle_ into your spits!" Espio swirled some saliva and spit it out at Charmy. "AAAAH! Not at me! Yuck!"

"You told me to have _fun_ with this." Espio pointed out with a chuckle. Just then, the door swung open, making the Chaotix pause their duties. Dr. Eggman stepped inside the room, wearing a body cast.

_So how is he able to walk?_

Vector rolled his eyes and sighed, "Of all the bars on all the planets in all the universe, he walks back into mine."

Dr. Eggman spoke, "Play it again, Vector."

"Actually, the original quote was 'Play it, Sam. Play _As Time Goes By_." corrected Vector. "But of course, it's often misquoted by everyone, and-"

"Just play it or else I won't tip you." That made Vector continue playing. Eggman struggled his way to a stool and sat down. "I'll have some red vinegar and a raw egg, please. It'll help my balding problem."

Espio asked Vector, "Should I serve him? You did tell him he couldn't come back anymore."

"Well maybe I don't care anymore." responded Vector. "He'll pay us eventually. _Believe_ me."

Espio shrugged and poured a glass of vinegar and got out an egg. Eggman cracked the egg into the drink and looked out longingly. "I'll always have Mobius." He then poured the drink slowly on his head.

At another part of the planet, the "Blue Typhoon" lay in a heap of melted paper scraps. In the middle, the Crimson Egg was in pieces along with Eggman's robots. "Come on you guys! Pull yourselves together!" ordered Bokkun.

"We're trying!" groaned Bocoe as he reached for his arm. "Hey Decoe! That was _my_ leg!"

"Oops! Sorry." Decoe exchanged legs and mumbled, "I'm starting to think Eggman _wanted_ us to get broken."

On the real Blue Typhoon, the crew looked around suspiciously. "There was no fleet at all! I can't believe Eggman _lied_ again!" growled Knuckles.

"Well _duh_! We _all_ knew that!" Amy spat. "You should know by now never to believe Eggman."

Chris added, "Either way, we're glad that no one was there. We might've ended up as a heap of scraps. Right Sonic?"

"Shush." Sonic looked out the window. "I'm trying to have a private moment."

In the bar, Dr. Eggman grinned, knowing that Bocoe and Decoe were in pieces. "Ah, sometimes things work out for me."

Vector continued playing the piano and he sang, "_You must remember this, a Miss is just a Miss. A pie is just a pie! The funny things apply, as time goes bye._"

Eggman smiled at Vector and walked over to him. He placed an arm around him and he sang, "_Sing us a song, you're the piano-gator! Sing us a song tonight!_"

"_We were all in the mood for a melody! And you've got us feeling all right_!" sang Sonic spontaneously.

"Why are you singing by yourself?" questioned Tails.

"Well can't I sing when I want to?" challenged Sonic. "It's a free world, ain't it?"

"…I guess…"

"Good. Now back to my private moment." Sonic continued to look out the window and he whispered, "You've done something good for once, Doctor."

Dr. Eggman mentally responded, _Don't thank me. I just wanted to kill you myself_.

* * *

><p><em>Okay, another episode done. Thanks for reading today, and please give me a review! It could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.<em>


	20. Zelkova Strikes Knuckles' Back

_This chapter contains Pokemon movie references._

Episode 20: The First Movie: Zelkova Strikes Knuckles' Back

Gertruth sat in her chair completely bored. "Where is that girl? I haven't been able to boss her around in weeks!"

_Wait, now we're back with the step-family subplot? Fine, I'm listening._

Just then, the door opened and Calvan walked in. His clothes were extremely tattered and he had several bruises and dirt marks.

_Huh? What happened to him? What, you're not going to explain?_

_You _would've_ found out what happened to him if you let me continue talking about him in the last episode. But you didn't, so you'll just have to _assume_ what happened to him._

"Calvan? What have you been up to?" questioned Gertruth.

"You don't want to know." Calvan moaned as he sat down in another chair, instantly making it dirty. "Sorry, I need to sit."

"That's okay, that was Cosmo's chair." said Gertruth casually.

Calvan grumbled, "Speaking of her, I found out the hard way that the engagement is called off!"

"WHAT? How di- Tonners! And Cosmo!" growled Gertruth. "Oh, now we won't be able to get our money!"

"And _I_ won't be able to get the whaling deed from Tonners!" Calvan added grudgingly. "He _was_ the only one that could give me a deed to hunt down space whales."

_So the space dolphins on Marmolim were right? And how could Tonners possess a whaling deed? You have to explain such details in order to make sense! Actually, scratch that. This whole thing still doesn't make sense._

"It looks like I'll have to talk to that girl so we'll _both_ get what we want." stated Gertruth as she glared at the photo of Cosmo. "Well I'll have to find her eventually. I wonder where she's been off to…"

"WHERE'S THE BRAIN BLEACH?" cried Sonic as he ran away from the kitchen. "We'll never be able to eat again!"

Cosmo climbed out of the oven and sighed, "Maybe we should pick a place _no one_ would ever go to."

"Yeah. Oh well, I guess we'll have to settle for the broom closet." Tails agreed as he wiped the oven grease off him.

…_Well that was just pointless._

Meanwhile, at a much better bar, Shadow and Rouge were having individual drinks. "I'm so glad we are finally getting away from my annoying ex." Rouge mused as she sipped her beverage. "…Is something wrong, honey?"

"Sonic tricked me out of production!" groaned Shadow to the bartender. "You hear me? I used to be the star of my own show, but _Sonic_ told me that producers have to pay money to the creators!"

"And you… fell for it?" asked the bartender.

"Yes! I'm ashamed of myself." Shadow gulped down his fifth shot of whisky.

The bartender raised an eyebrow and asked, "So, why don't you just become the producer again?"

Shadow replied simply, "Too much paperwork. Besides, now I can finally be focused on the Shadow Z Chaos Emerald Escapade Special. You see any Chaos Emeralds anywhere?"

The bartender looked around confused. "Uh, I suppose not. But maybe you could talk to the Metarex about that. I hear _they_ have a Chaos Emerald or two!"

"No, I'll just find one _myself_." Shadow dropped several coins on the counter and said, "Keep the change. You're gonna need it."

Outside, Rouge set up her ship and asked Shadow, "Okay, where to, hunky?"

"You're not coming." Shadow said sternly.

"WHAT? May I remind you that _you_ needed a ride!" Rouge spat snootily.

"I'll find my _own_ method of transportation." Shadow responded proudly. He looked around the tiny meteor that the bar was on and found nothing else. "…If I hadn't let you give the Chaos Emerald to Eggman, I would just Chaos Control everywhere I wanted to go!"

"That's why you're coming with me." Rouge said, getting into the cockpit.

"_I_ wanna drive!"

"I told you before, you can't fit in here." reminded Rouge. "That's why I gave you the throne attached on the back."

"But it's only held down by bungee cords."

"Still a throne!" Rouge chimed as she grabbed the wheel and prepared to take off.

Shadow poshly sat in his throne and sighed contently. "I wish to thank you, Rouge."

"Wait, you _wish_ to thank me?" questioned Rouge angrily. "Can't you just thank me right now?"

"No, that would defeat my kingly image." Shadow stated as he tapped his staff on the hull on the ship. "Now get going!"

"Fine, _prince_." Rouge growled quietly as she took off.

Meanwhile, back on the Blue Typhoon, Cream remarked, "It sure is boring around-"

Sonic snapped, "Don't! Even! Finish! …We don't want _them_ to appear."

"Who?" asked Amy. "Wait, are you talking about the CD-"

"Back to my nap!" declared Sonic before Amy could finish. "Can't even sleep with those disturbing images in my head."

"It seems like you have to delay your nap." Chris spoke up. "I think the Metarex are following us again."

"Aww, _now_?" whined Sonic. "But I don't wanna fight them!"

Cream pressed a button and said, "Don't worry, we'll stop them!" Part of the Blue Typhoon opened up, and several balloons from the parties floated out. "Hee hee! Balloons!" The Metarex ships just popped the balloons. "…Strange, something told me that would work."

Chris got up from his chair and told Cosmo, "I'll have to stop them with Sonic. You take the wheel!"

"What? But I can't-" objected Cosmo before Chris pushed her into the chair. "Oh no…" she whimpered as she gripped the wheel.

Knuckles was napping near the Master Emerald, holding the towel at his cheek. "Mmm, I feel the Moon Magic making me usefuller…"

"Knuckles! We need more energy from the Master Emerald!" called Chris on the intercom.

"Oh, so _now_ you need me!" groaned Knuckles as he got up angrily. "Well not until you apologize for ignoring my heroic rescue back in the colourful vortex!"

Hal said, "What Knuckles means to say is that he doesn't think he can do it."

"Graa! I'll show you!" declared Knuckles as he stepped to the Master Emerald boldly and summoned its energy.

Chris hurried to the Hyper Tornado and mused, "Well Sonic, looks like we're having excitement today!"

"Aww, I wanted to be _bored_ for once." groaned Sonic as he dragged himself to the wing. The platform carrying the Hyper Tornado slowly moved down the corridor. "Good, maybe I'll catch up on my sleep before we set out."

Chris gazed forward and noted, "These Metarex battles are so frequent, and they slow us down from finding the Chaos Emeralds."

"You mean they slow us down from _relaxing_ on our _vacation_!" grumbled Sonic as he covered his eyes in an attempt to fall asleep. As Sonic was finally getting comfortable, the ship gave a sudden lurch. "Ow! Watch your driving!"

"That wasn't me!" Chris denied worriedly. "Something must've grabbed onto the Blue Typhoon!"

At the bottom of the Blue Typhoon, Yellow Zelkova clenched an engine and cackled, "Ah ha ha! I'm _baaaack_!"

Knuckles saw the footage on the monitor. "It's him! What did I say I'd do if I saw him again?" He flipped back a few episodes and spoke up, "I didn't say _anything_! Okay, I'll just assume I said something like, 'If I see him again, I'll put more dents in him than a… thing with lots of dents in it'. Yep, that's what I would've said."

Zelkova electrocuted the ship shouting, "THUNDERBOLLLT! Yeah, I'm using Poker Man moves now!"

Meanwhile, Black Narcissus and Pale Bay Leaf were in a computer room. "Hey, where's Zelkova?" asked Pale Bay Leaf.

"Eh, who cares? He isn't _that_ hot." muttered Narcissus. "If you ask me, Eggman is an upgrade."

"Are you just saying that because you _like_ him?" questioned Bay Leaf. "As in, like like him?"

"…Teehee, yes." giggled Narcissus, making Bay Leaf slowly back away.

_You better be glad I'm not counting all the pointless scenes you're telling me._

Yellow Zelkova yelled, "Aha! Now to throw you down on the planet, where you'll be forced to fight me!" He groaned with effort as he threw the Blue Typhoon downward. "There! …Now how do I get down?"

"AAAAAAAAAH! TOO MUCH EXCITEMENT!" wailed Sonic as he clenched on the wing.

"Not for long!" Chris said as he regained control of the Hyper Tornado and flew off. He then spoke in the communicator, "Cosmo, tell the passengers to fasten their seatbelts!"

"I would if I could _reach_ the intercom!" shouted Cosmo as she struggled to hang on to her chair.

"Don't worry, I'll save everyone!" Tails said as he grabbed the steering wheel and pulled it down. The Blue Typhoon barely turned upward before it crashed on the surface on the planet. "…Why do I keep crash-landing this cruise ship?"

"It could've been worse. We could've landed in that pool of lava." Cream pointed out as she looked at the lake of lava right in front of the Blue Typhoon.

Tails observed the state of the Blue Typhoon and the lave and volcano ahead. "In any case, we can't take off."

"WHAAAAAT?" cried Amy. "And be stuck on this lava ball? No way! It wouldn't be a good honeymoon spot!"

Cream sighed, "Everything's always about you, Amy." BOOM!

"Ouch! That wasn't the best of landings." groaned Yellow Zelkova as he climbed out of his crater. "But their spaceship is right here! Yes! Now I can ram into it without being confused again!" He charged up with electricity and declared, "I also have electric type attacks, which are good against _flying_ types." Tails, Cream, and all the other passengers that could fly gulped. "Aha! And now it's time for… Zelkova's X-Treme Pop Quiz!" Game show music started playing loudly.

"Huh?" went everyone on the ship.

"Question one! What is the place we are scared to go at night but we rest in peace?"

"Why are you wasting our time with this riddle?" questioned Amy.

Knuckles at the same time pondered deeply. "Hmm… oh no, this is a trick question…"

Cream thought for a moment, then answered cheerfully, "I got it! The answer is 'A cemetery'!"

"Aww, I didn't think you would get it, but you're right." groaned Zelkova. "Points for the Scrappy."

"Yay! Wait, what does Scrappy mean?"

"Question two! What was the answer to the first question?"

_Wait, we're still going on with this?_

"Oh, this is another trick question!" moaned Knuckles as he rubbed his head with the towel.

"…A cemetery?"

"Correct again, Scrappy." Zelkova shouted, "Question three! What has been the answer to all these questions so far?"

_What's with all these questions?_

"Ugh! I _know_ this!" Knuckles groaned as he strained to think.

"A… cemetery?"

"Okay, you're too good. Question four! And it's _really_ hard! If the answer to all these questions is the same, then what is the capital of Hydoo?"

"Oh, I should remember this!" Knuckles said as he banged his fists on his head.

"A cemetery."

_Is this _still_ going on?_

"How come the _Scrappy_ is the smartest?" Zelkova groaned. "Question five! Dark Oak orders his kings to kill Sonic. The biggest one, named Yellow Zelkova, is the best of the bunch! Certainly smarter than that Eggman fellow. So question is, how _much_ smarter is the Metarex King compared to Dr. Eggman?"

_Shouldn't Zelkova have just, you know, _killed_ them by now?_

"A cemetery."

"GRAA! I don't believe this!" Yellow Zelkova spat, "Here's the final question, and it's the _most_ difficult! What… is the best Metarex King's name?"

"Oooh, it's on the tip of my tongue!" Knuckles cried.

Cream answered, "Yellow Zelkova."

"CRAP! You got 'em all right!" Game show bells ranged as Yellow Zelkova did a cheesy dance.

_And why is Zelkova dancing even though he lost? Oh, these questions are more legitimate than the ones _he_ asked!_

"So, why was the answer 'A cemetery' the whole time except for the last one?" asked Amy.

"Because a cemetery is where you'll be buried when I kill you, and I like to boast about myself!" responded Zelkova with more electric bolts coming from him.

"Not today, yellow Metarex!" declared Chris as his Hyper Tornado came in.

"SONIC!" gasped the others delightedly.

"Looks like they want _me_ instead." said Sonic as he spin-dashed toward Yellow Zelkova.

"So we meet again, hedge-pig! Well it's time for PLASMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Shield!" He generated a plasma shield that Sonic ricocheted off of.

"Eww yuck! I got plasma all over me!" groaned Sonic as he tried wiping the excess plasma off. "You didn't have that thing the _last_ time we fought!"

"That's because I didn't have _Eggman_ make it for me!" replied Zelkova cheerfully as he lifted up his cape to show the Eggman symbol on his back. "See? He even gave me a tattoo!" He took out a plastic card with the same symbol and added, "And if my tattoo washes off, I have a spare one!"

"Wait a second, I thought you _hated_ Dr. Eggman!" pointed out Amy.

"I said I was much _smarter_ than Eggman, not that I _hated_ him." corrected Zelkova. "Now how should I finish you off? Shall I grab your DNA and make clones for you to fight? Or try collecting all the legendary birds to make myself famous? Or maybe I will come across several artifacts that make all my wishes come true! _Or_ I can find a time traveling being, make it evil, and have it battle against my foes. _Or_, still or, I could infiltrate a defense mechanism, make it go haywire, and have it create a tsunami! _OR_-"

"How long are you going to list Pokémon movie plots?" sighed Sonic bored.

"Hmm, I've still got nine more to go."

_No! No more Pokémon movies!_

Amy growled, "If he lists anymore plots, I'll go to Eggman and make him swallow his moustache!"

"Amy, that will _kill_ him if he chokes on it!" cried Cream.

"_Exactly_." hissed Amy sadistically, making Cream whimper.

"Where was I? Oh yes." Zelkova continued, "_OR_, I could-"

"SURPRISE ATTACK!" yelled Knuckles as he launched a punch at Zelkova.

"OWW! How dare you interrupt my monologue!" growled Zelkova. "You have nerve to fight me again, red hedge-pig!"

"For the last time, I am an ECHIDNA!" Knuckles threw more punches at Zelkova, but he still didn't flinch.

"This will be easy." remarked Yellow Zelkova as he electrocuted Knuckles.

"GRAAAAAA!" wailed Knuckles as he was launched back from the electricity.

"Don't worry, I'll stop him!" declared Sonic as he raced toward Zelkova.

"No! _I_ was supposed to be useful!" moaned Knuckles as he struggled to get up.

"Yawn, Thunderbolt." Yellow Zelkova electrocuted Sonic, the Hyper Tornado, and everyone in the Blue Typhoon at once. "…Wait, what's that rock music I hear?" Everyone listened closely and indeed heard rock music.

"Hey, it sounds like the Radical Highway theme." noted Amy. They looked up and saw Rouge's ship fly by overhead, blaring the music. "…Was that _Rouge_'s ship? And did it have a _throne_ on it?"

"More important, was _Shadow_ sitting in it?" Sonic growled as he strained to glare at the ship in the distance.

_That isn't important at all. Did they briefly forget about the Metarex King trying to kill them?_

Knuckles finally got up and spat at Zelkova, "Never mind that music! This fight is between you and me! Because I'll be useful that way!"

At the same time, Rouge's ship flew through space to another planet. Rouge covered her ears and groaned, "Do you _need_ the music to be this loud?"

"I can't hear through the glass, you know." Shadow stated before the song finally ended. "Okay, next song!"

"It'll have to wait, we've found something!" said Rouge as she pointed to a giant tree.

"But _I_ wanted to hear 'All Hail Shadow'!" whined Shadow. He looked at the shining light at the top of the tree and grumbled, "Are you telling me we have to stop listening to my awesome music for a _Christmas_ _tree_?"

"Pretty much. Yeah." Rouge piloted the ship above one of the limbs of the tree and Shadow stepped off his throne. "It sure is weird. There aren't any decorations!"

"And no snow either." added Shadow as he scanned the area. "There's just a bunch of boring trees here. Well there's also a river down there, but that also looks boring!"

"This seems to be another place the Metarex conquered." guessed Rouge. "But why would they turn a place into a planet just filled with plants?"

"Because they're _stupid_, that's why!" sneered Shadow. "I mean, look at this mess that excuses itself for a forest! If a tree fell down here, there won't be anyone to hear it!"

"It's a desert…"

"No. Deserts have absolutely nothing. This is just a dumb forest." Shadow looked up the tree at the shining light. "You think that Christmas Star is worth anything?"

"It's worth a shot." answered Rouge as she looked up excitedly.

Back with Knuckles, he was… failing. "WAAAAAAAAAAH!" he wailed as he slid against his back. "Ouch, not another back burn."

Zelkova charged toward him and yelled, "Hey look! A bug!"

"Where?" Knuckles looked around before Zelkova squashed him. "Oooh, cheap shot." Soon the other ships fired missiles at Yellow Zelkova, but they didn't effect him…

"Haha! This PLASMAAAAAAAAA shield can stop your noobish missiles!" laughed Zelkova.

Tails told Cosmo, "I have to scan him to see if that plasma shield has a weakness. Try to buy us time."

"Uh, okay." Cosmo looked out the window and called out, "Er, hey Mr. Zelkova! Uh, what's up?"

"What's up? What's _up_? I'm glad you asked!" Yellow Zelkova picked up Knuckles and tossed him into the air. "_He_ is what's up! El-Oh-El!" As Knuckles fell down, Zelkova punched Knuckles' back.

"OWWW! MY SPINE!" cried Knuckles as he heard a crack.

Tails checked the recordings and gasped, "Just as I thought! This plasma shield will be destroyed if we use formidable energy! But where could we _get_ such an energy? Hmm…"

Knuckles raised his head and answered, "Hellooo? We have the Master Emer-" WHACK! "OMF!"

"SONIC!" wailed the girls desperately.

"Don't worry, I'm still safe up here!" called Sonic from the Hyper Tornado.

Knuckles stuck his head out from Zelkova's fist and replied grumpily, "I'm fine too, thanks for asking." He started pushing the fist off him and he growled, "You're not fast, yellow Metarex! You have the flexibility of a radiator!"

Zelkova smirked, "How appropriate. You fight like a cow."

Knuckles clenched Zelkova's shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

_Sheesh, it wasn't that good of a comeback. It would've only been useful if Knuckles said 'You fight like a dairy farmer' or 'Your attacks just graze me'._

Yellow Zelkova easily grabbed Knuckles and said, "You're too stressed out. Here, take a lava bath!" He threw Knuckles toward the lava.

"That's it. I must make a heroic sacrifice. Then everyone will see how useful I always was." sighed Knuckles as he fell closer to the lava. He decided to open his eyes for some reason and saw the boiling lava. "AAAH! Never mind! I chicken out!" He punched the rock wall and his feet dangled above the lava. "Phew." But then the intense heat of the lava made Knuckles' shoes catch on fire. "Huh? AAH! Ouch! HOT!" He scrambled up the wall frantically and then reached the top. "Stop drop and roll! Stop drop and roll!" Knuckles crazily rolled around in the dirt in an attempt to put out the fire.

At the same time, the ships fired more missiles at Zelkova again. But they still didn't effect Zelkova… "Hmph! Don't you realize now that I'm invincible against military firepower? I'm like Godzilla now! But not the one in the film with Matthew Broderick."

"That's a lotta fish." commented Matthew Broderick from the Blue Typhoon. Tails just glared at him awkwardly.

"Matthew Broderick? You and the others must join the red hedgehog in the magma!" declared Zelkova as he started pushing the Blue Typhoon toward the pool.

"Actually, magma is only when it is _under_ the ground," corrected Tails. "And it is only _above_ ground that it is called lava."

"Shut up and die!" shouted Zelkova as he continued pushing with effort. "Oh, what do you _have_ in here? It's like I'm lifting a bunch of tanks in Halo!"

In the Hyper Tornado, Sonic noticed that Chris had a hand on his face. "Chris, are you crying?"

"What? No! I'm just exasperated!" clarified Chris.

"…Do you need a tissue?"

"Just find a way to stop his plasma shield!"

Sonic glanced behind him and saw Metarex ships following them. "Uh, you might wanna look behind you first…" The ships started firing their lasers. BLAAARH! To make matters worse, the clouds started thundering, and soon the Hyper Tornado got electrocuted, along with Sonic. "OWWWWWW! What gave you the idea that we should fly in a _thunderstorm_?"

Chris rubbed his shock wounds and groaned, "I didn't know there was gonna be a storm! This planet doesn't have a weather station!" The electricity started up again, and then it shocked the Metarex ships.

"Heheh, that was kinda funny." chuckled Sonic.

Tails watched the lightning and then got an idea. "That's it! A bolt of lightning! It has enough energy! But unfortunately, we never know when or where it's ever going to strike!"

"So we'll _make_ it strike the Metarex." said Sonic cheekily.

Meanwhile, Knuckles was getting pwned again. "Not another back burn!" whined Knuckles as he slid across the ground.

"Oh yeah! Gonna walk in place!" Zelkova started a hip walking dance and he chanted, "Walk, walk, walk in place! Walk, walk, walk in place! YEAH!"

"You're not getting away from _me_, bulb-head!" Knuckles declared as he clutched Zelkova's leg and punched it repeatedly.

"_Bulb_-head? I think _you're_ the bulb-head here!" Yellow Zelkova continued electrocuting Knuckles.

"No! I must hold on! So I'll be _useful_! Oh why did I forget to bring my towel?" Knuckles then threw a big punch at Zelkova's knee, shattering both it and Knuckles', well, knuckles. "OWWWWW! MY HAAAAAAAAND!"

"You busted my kneecap!" Zelkova wailed as he watched the pieces crumble.

Knuckles stared at his fist and sighed, "Guess my knuckles made the heroic sacrifice today. But at least they did some good!"

Zelkova accused, "No fair! You exploited a glitch!"

"Nope, I'm just stronger than you." Knuckles said smugly.

"Actually, it _was_ a glitch." called Cream from her ship. "We just looked it up."

Knuckles looked around and whimpered, "Well, at least _I_ did it. Can't I be useful in exploiting _glitches_?"

"Never mind! You'll all pay for using glitches against me!" declared Zelkova as he started shocking everyone.

"AAAAAAH!" cried Knuckles, Cream, and Amy as they were blasted away.

"Eeek!" Cosmo gasped as the controls started shocking her.

"UGH!" Tails groaned as he got blasted away at the electricity while he was getting wires. "Maybe _this_ time." BZZT! "OWCH! Maybe this time, this time, this time!" BZZZZZZZZZT! "D'OH!"

Just before things could get worse, the Sonic X theme started playing. "Huh? Is Rouge's ship passing by again?" asked Knuckles.

"No, it's Amy's." responded Tails as he pointed to Amy's ship holding Sonic.

"This is embarrassing." muttered Sonic as he held a coil of wires and balanced himself on the pink ship.

"No fair! I thought I got rid of you!" Zelkova yelled as he tried shocking Sonic.

"Well, if you got rid of _me_, there would be no show." pointed out Sonic as he hopped on Cream's ship and started throwing the wire around Zelkova.

"Tee hee! I'm flying without a license!" giggled Cream as she piloted the ship in a circle.

"Why are they doing this? Are they tying me up?" questioned Yellow Zelkova. Zelkova became confused! "Why isn't it tying around me? Or is it invisible? Maybe I should swing my arms around me!" Zelkova hurt himself in confusion!

Tails and Chris set up a lightning rod and then Tails called out, "Cosmo! Do your thing!"

Cosmo waved a flashlight at the others and shouted, "I'm doing something!"

Sonic saw the light and then let go of the rest of the wire. "Ha ha! Now to go tempt the lightning!" He leaped toward the Blue Typhoon and shouted to Zelkova, "See ya, chump!"

"No! What's going on? Why am I confused again? I haven't bonked my head against metal ships again. Or have I?" asked Zelkova worriedly. "You! Red boy! Do you have any idea what's going on?"

Knuckles glanced around and sighed sadly, "Not me. They didn't tell me anything!"

Sonic jumped high into the sky and shouted at the clouds, "Hey you! Big smoke-monster ripoff! You can't catch me!" The clouds started thundering and then shot lightning bolts toward Sonic. But he spin-dashed away from them and made the bolts chase him. Sonic snickered and he sang, "_They call me Sonic! Sonic! Faster than liiiightning! No one you see, is smarter than me!_" He led the bolts to the lightning rod, and the electricity struck the rod, transferring the power to the coil around Zelkova.

"Huh? Why is the electricity going from the rod to here?" gasped Zelkova. The electricity started shocking inside the coil, short-circuiting the plasma and electrocuting the Metarex. "GAAAAAAAAH! I'm defeated by science!"

"_That_ was their plan all along?" Knuckles exclaimed. "Why didn't _I_ think of that? Oh, I'm useless again! Because I forgot my towel!" At last the Metarex exploded, blasting pieces everywhere. "Ouch! And I'm being pelted by his parts too!"

"Yeah! Carnage!" cheered Chris sadistically.

But then Cosmo looked at the remains and she gasped, "Look!" Everyone saw the Metarex pieces fall down, revealing a large plant man that resembled trees and spinach.

"…You were a plant all along?" asked Knuckles.

Sonic noted, "We were afraid of measly _plants_? Wow, they made us hit a new low."

"That's right! All the Metarex are really plant people!" stated Zelkova.

"…But you were always eating _rice curry_." pointed out Knuckles.

"So?"

"And rice and curry come from _plants_."

"_So_?" growled Zelkova annoyed.

"…And you _eat_ the rice and curry. Which are plants. While you are a plant yourself."

"Get to the point!"

"…You're a vegetarian!" Knuckles exclaimed in enlightenment. Everyone else groaned.

Zelkova muttered, "At least I'm not a cannibal."

_So inside Zelkova is just as stupid as he was before. Or maybe even dumber._

Tails looked at Zelkova's actual body and he observed, "He looks like the same species as Cosmo. Or more accurately… _Calvan_." At the same time, Calvan was about to swipe Cosmo away, but he backed away at Tails' observation.

Knuckles shook his head and growled, "Never mind! You're weak now, so I can actually kill you myself!"

Zelkova grinned and replied, "Well you have to face my _angry_ form first!" He started increasing in size and his robe tore off.

"AAAH! Frontal nudity!" wailed Sonic as he tried searching for the Brain Bleach again.

Knuckles gasped, "How dare you rip off the Incredible Hulk! Now I'm gonna push you into the lava!" He punched Zelkova in the chest, and the plant monster was knocked toward the lava pool.

"No! I've always _hated_ lava levels in video games!" whined Zelkova as he started to topple off the cliff. "Graa! I never checked the walkthrough for _this_ level!" He clenched the wall in an effort to stay away from the lava. But he still started sliding down…

"Knuckles! Help him!" called Chris.

"And miss an opportunity to kill him? No way!" Knuckles grinned as he slid down the wall and above Zelkova.

"You're gonna kill me? But why? We're so much alike!" pleaded Zelkova.

"Don't try to pull that one on me!" growled Knuckles as he punched Zelkova into the lava.

"AAAAAH! Not into the pit! It BURRRRRRRRRRNS!" Zelkova shouted as he sank and burned up.

Knuckles stared down at the pit and hissed, "Good riddance."

_So instead of trying to help Zelkova, Knuckles _pushes_ him into the lava sadistically? He's worse than 4Kids!_

Knuckles turned to the camera and stated triumphantly, "I saw a useful moment, and I seized it. That's what _heroes_ do!" He looked to the side victoriously. "…Now I should get back up before the lava burns my shoes again."

"Knuckles! We could've pressed him for information!" Sonic chided. "Now we have no source of inside scoop! Aww, and I was ready to use the interrogation kit I bought myself as a belated Christmas present!"

Cream spat, "If you think we're gonna congratulate you for being 'useful', think again!"

Knuckles stammered, "B-but I _saved_ you! Again!"

"Last time, _I_ saved everyone!" corrected Sonic angrily. "And _this_ time, I saved everyone again! With help from Tails, Chris, Cream, Amy, and Cosmo."

"COSMO JUST WAVED A FLASHLIGHT AROUND!" whined Knuckles.

"And she waved it well." he congratulated as he ruffled Cosmo's hair somehow.

Knuckles gawked at everyone, then he moaned, "I'm going to my room. To bury my tears in my towel."

Meanwhile, Dr. Eggman was hacking into the Metarex computer. "Aha, _this_ is what I need to find out what the Metarex _really_ want to do!" He started downloading the information in a USB.

"SnooPING AS usual, I see?" questioned Pale Bay Leaf as he barged into the room.

"What the- Hey! That's _my_ line!" spat Eggman.

"I thought you _hated_ that meme." pointed out Bocoe.

"But it's still copyrighted to _me_." Eggman turned back to Pale Bay Leaf and quickly lied, "I was just observing your _advanced_ technology! Yeah, I would _never_ have figured out how to build… that space capsule over there!"

Bay Leaf glanced at what Eggman was talking about and he replied, "That's a coffee machine."

"See? I don't even know how to build a coffee machine!" Eggman improvised. "Wonderful stuff!"

Bay Leaf glared at Eggman and spoke, "Yeah… Anyway, idiot Zelkova just died. Even though you _claimed_ that the plasma shield would work."

Decoe exclaimed, "It's not a 'plasma shield'. It's the PLASMAAAAAAAAAAAA Shield!"

Eggman asked, "Okay, so what do you propose we do?"

"Oh _you'll_ see…" snickered Bay Leaf as he left the room. "Oh, and could you make me a better neck joint? One that would _work_, okay?"

"Uh, yeah sure." responded Eggman before the Metarex got out. "…Aww, my USB didn't finish downloading in time!"

Back at the Christmas Tree planet, Shadow leaped up the limbs while Rouge flew upward. At the top, they found that the Christmas Star was actually a Chaos Emerald. "We did it! We found another Chaos Emerald!" cheered Rouge.

"Pfft! It's a fake." said Shadow knowingly.

"What? It can't be! Could it?"

"You can tell. Watch." Shadow grabbed the emerald and smashed it against the tree. "See? It shatters easily!" But he noticed Rouge was glaring at him furiously. "…It was a fake. You should be happy that I knew it before we did something stupid with it."

"WE COULD'VE STILL SOLD IT FOR A LOT OF MONEY!" snapped Rouge. "But nooo, you _had_ to smash it in front of me! I can't _stand_ to watch any jewel be broken, not even cheap ones!"

"Shh! You hear that?"

"Don't change the subject!" Rouge spat before Shadow covered her mouth. They heard some grunting sounds coming from below.

"…It's the Christmas Presents! Come on!" Shadow excitedly climbed down the tree and looked around. "Maybe the presents are inside another seemingly boring tree!" He looked inside the trunk of one, only to find a person instead of a gift. "Hey! You're not a present! You're Spock!"

Leon growled, "For the last time, I am not Spock. UGH!" He groaned in pain as the trees limbs started consuming him.

"Ha ha! You're stuck in a tree!" taunted Shadow. "That's what you get for making Molly die and turn into an angel! Oh, I bet she's scowling at you from her moon made of Lego!"

_Wait, so the Lego moon thing _wasn't_ limited to dazed Tails?_

"Please listen to me." Leon breathed. "This is what the Metarex do to anyone that opposes them. That's how they conquer worlds."

"Ah, so it's death by humiliation." noted Shadow. "Still serves you right."

"Shadow? Shouldn't we help him?" asked Rouge. "He can't harm us now."

Shadow shook his head and giggled, "No. It's fun to watch him suffer."

Leon moaned, "Just reach into my pocket." Shadow reached into Leon's pants and he spat, "AH! In the pocket! The pocket!"

"Oh, _sorry_." sneered Shadow as he reached into the pocket and pulled out a handheld device. "What is this? A GameBoy? Or is it a Pokédex?"

"Avenge us…" gasped Leon before he shut his eyes.

"You didn't answer my question. What is this?" Shadow looked at Leon and tapped his face. "Hello? You there? You can sleep later, you know."

Rouge spoke up worriedly, "Uh, I think he's dead."

"Aww, now he'll harass Molly." groaned Shadow. "…Unless he's gone straight to _hell_!"

"What? No moon made of fire?"

"No, he doesn't deserve something that cool."

Rouge looked at the other trees and noted, "Look. Other Trekkies are being consumed by trees."

"Heheh. Let's steal their wallets!" chuckled Shadow as he checked each soldier's pockets.

* * *

><p><em>Okay, I know there wasn't a lot of Pokémon movie references, but at least there still was… Pokémon references. Anyway, next time we'll see what Shadow has learned, if he has learned anything. And we'll also resolve some plotlines that you don't care about! Meantime, please review.<em>


	21. It's a Freakin' Conspiracy!

_This is another fan favourite. Prepare for Shadow's epicness!_

Episode 21: It's a Freakin' Conspiracy!

Sonic grinned mischievously as he brought out a covered platter. "For you, Amy." he said as he gave the platter to Amy. "When we were on the lava planet, I took the opportunity to _roast_ something up."

Amy uncovered the platter and squealed delightfully. "Sonic, I didn't know you could cook poultry! And for _me_, too!" She sliced some pieces and munched on the roasted bird. "Mmm, what bird is this?"

Sonic smiled and answered casually, "Vulture." Amy paused eating. Sonic added, "Isn't it ironic that the bird's name was _Lucky_?" Amy still stared at Sonic frightened and a bit disgusted. She slowly put down her utensils, then hurried to the bathroom to throw up.

_I never cared about Lucky the Vulture, so this was a waste of time._

Cosmo walked into the room and Sonic glared at her. "Oh look, a plant escaped from the secret garden."

Cream spat, "Sonic! That's very mean!"

"What? We found out last episode that the Metarex are the same species!" began Sonic. "And the only reason we felt sorry for her was that she was the last of her kind! But now that she's not the last anymore, we don't have to feel sorry for her!" He turned back to Cosmo and snickered, "Isn't that right, _bud_head?"

_Sheesh, Sonic's personality is all over the place these days!_

Tails snapped, "Hey! What about her step-family that's been pestering her since we went on this trip?"

"What step-family?" questioned Sonic. Just as he said that, Gertruth stormed into the room. "Oh yeah, Lady Tremaine. Well, she's not important, so she doesn't count."

"Cosmo! It's one thing to have an affair while you're engaged, but to actually _call off_ the engagement, oh…" growled Gertruth. "I thought I've been clear enough! Marry Baron Calvan, or else you shall never see these _creatures_ ever again!"

"You're gonna _kill_ us?" Sonic gasped.

Cosmo retorted, "If mister Calvan is so important to you, then _you_ marry him!"

…_That's a good point. If Gertruth is so evil, she could just leave Tonners and go with Calvan. They still both get what they want, so it makes more sense!_

_But you have to consider the face that Calvan isn't Gertruth's type._

…_He's totally her type! That's why they're in cahoots with each other! Ugh, let's just continue with the _main_ characters._

Cosmo turned aside and she grumbled, "This is exhausting me. I'm going to bed." She walked out of the room with Gertruth leaving in another direction.

A few minutes later, HAL spoke up, "I've just picked up a fault in the Security System. It's going to go 100% failure in 72… seconds."

Tails checked the system and asked HAL, "Why the pause between '72' and 'seconds'?"

"I had to verify is was seconds and not hours." responded Hal. "I don't detect any enemies in the vicinity. Chris, you should go back to your room, lie down calmly, and rest. I can see you're really tired about this."

"Okay, if you say so, HAL." Chris said as he got up and walked down the hallway. "Who could infiltrate the ship while the system is down anyway?" As he said that, a black, hockey-masked figure got on the ship and sneaked down the hallways. It turned to one door and slowly opened it. The figure was a bit disappointed that the door didn't creak as it opened, but it brushed it off as a minor detail. It stepped inside, it's shadow stretching above the bed. The figure walked closer and glared at Cosmo sleeping in the bed.

"Good! The system is fixed." Tails said as he repaired the last parts of the security. "Now to turn it back on." As he pressed the button, warning sirens instantly blared. "Uh, maybe that's the _test_ signal. …That has to keep going… in Cosmo's room. …COSMO?"

Cosmo groggily opened her eyes, then shockingly sat up at the dark hedgehog in front of her. "Oh no! You're gonna rape me!"

Shadow snickered through his hockey mask, "Even worse." He picked up his chainsaw and revved it loudly over Cosmo's screams.

"Cosmo! I'll save you!" declared Chris as he hurried into the room. Shadow shot a glare at him and revved his chainsaw. "AAH! Chainsaw beats everything!" Shadow charged at Chris, but Sonic leaped in the way and pushed Chris out of the way.

Sonic opened his eyes and saw he was on top of Chris. "Ew! This isn't what it looks like!" He quickly got off Chris and turned to Shadow. "I hope you have an explanation for ripping off 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre'."

"And 'Friday the 13th' too." added Shadow as he tapped on his hockey mask.

_Oh, so even Shadow admits that he's ripping off popular franchises._

"Hey, I'm ultimate enough to have the permission to rip off slasher films!" Shadow said as he started revving the chainsaw toward Sonic.

"COSMO!" wailed Tails as he hurried over to Cosmo.

"Fine, _don't_ help me." sneered Sonic before Shadow punched him from behind. "Ugh! …Night night." Sonic dropped to the floor, and Shadow scanned through the chainsaw smoke.

"What happened Cosmo?" Tails asked as Cosmo walked out worriedly.

"I woke up, and Shadow was there. I thought he was going to rape me." she answered nervously.

Hal told the two, "You two shut down all the doors. Then find a safe place to hide." Tails nodded and grabbed Cosmo's hand. They ran down the hallway with a door sliding down behind them.

Shadow walked up to the shut door and glared at it. "Stupid door." The door instantly exploded. "That's better."

At another hallway, Knuckles frantically ran and shouted in his communicator, "What's going on? Why won't anyone tell me?"

Cream replied, "Sonic and Chris have been knocked unconscious. And earlier, Shadow tried to rape Cosmo, I think."

"Ah, so Shadow's the enemy." Knuckles snickered as he thought about defeating Shadow to be useful.

Amy shoved Cream and spat, "Hot or not, Shadow must be stopped! You got that?"

"Of course Amy! I'm on it!" Knuckles responded determinedly.

"I wasn't talking to _you_." sneered Amy. "There's no way _you_ can beat him!"

"Not true." Knuckles held up his towel and added, "I have MOOOOO-" Amy shut off the communicator.

In another hallway, another door exploded in front of Shadow. "That's another one." mused Shadow as he stepped through it. He took out the gadget he got from Leon and turned it on. "Now to activate the heat-detection mode so I can cheat my way to them." Shadow soon got a visual of Tails and Cosmo at another computer.

Tails told Cosmo, "Shadow got in here because the security system was down. So now I'm going to alter the system to not allow cheats so he can't see us!" He typed some things into the computer, and Shadow's gadget lost the footage.

"The cheat only lasted for a few seconds!" grumbled Shadow. "This _damn_ thing doesn't work at all! …Good thing I have the 'Cheat-blocking bypass' function!"

_So why was he cursing about the gadget earlier?_

The security cameras zoomed in on Tails and Cosmo. "DAMN! He can see us!" cursed Tails.

"Don't swear!" Cosmo snapped.

"Sorry, I've been frustrated lately with Shadow becoming Jason Leatherface."

Shadow hurried down the hallway staring at the gadget. He then looked closer at the footage and realized that he lost them. "Crap, I knew I shouldn't have been paying attention to my reflection on the screen!" Just then, Knuckles broke through the wall and put up his fists at Shadow. "Oh look, it's a little weakling. Hi, fella!"

"Grr, I'm not weak! Not with Moon Magic by my side!" growled Knuckles as he showed off his towel.

Meanwhile, Tails and Cosmo were crawling in the air shafts. Cosmo lifted her hand and groaned, "Who chews _gum_ in an air shaft?"

_I'm guessing it's Vector's gum from Episode 13. I was wondering why you mentioned that before._

"Yeah, I'm wondering about that too. But what matters is that someone is trying to kill you with a chainsaw." Tails turned to Cosmo and told her, "And I want to protect you, Cosmo. Even if _I_ have to be a victim of the Blue Typhoon Chainsaw Massacre."

"That's what we're calling it?"

"Pretty much. Yeah."

Hal said, "You two stay together. There's another place you can hide."

Tails looked at the red camera next to him and gasped, "I didn't know you were in the air vents too!"

_But didn't Tails _put_ Hal there in the first place? Since Tails built the ship and all?_

Back with Knuckles, he charged at Shadow and declared, "EPIC PUNCH!" He threw a punch at the hedgehog, but Shadow teleported before the punch could hit him. "Huh? Where'd he go?" Shadow reappeared at the pipes lining the wall. He then used his chainsaw to cut through the pipes, making lots of steam leak out. "Come back here, you meanie!" Knuckles growled as he struggled to see through the mist.

"Oh Knuxie, you're a _little_ cute when you're all confused." snickered a new, sultry voice.

"What? Rouge!" gasped Knuckles. "…Where are you? I can't see you!" He stumbled through the fog as Rouge kept chuckling.

In the ship hold, Tails hurried toward the X Tornado. "We'll leave the Blue Typhoon in here. We can start a new life this way!" He and Cosmo climbed into the X Tornado and Tails quickly turned on the controls. "Launch sequence initiate!" The machinery slowly started preparing for takeoff. "Come on, go faster! He could arrive any minute now!" The X Tornado was finally ready to lift off. Tails turned to Cosmo and sighed, "There. You're safe n-" BOOM! "Aw, come on!"

Shadow brushed the rubble off his shoulders and mused, "That's another wall down. Now leave the plant girl to me! I don't want to slice the _fox_, if that's what you're wondering."

"Wait, why don't you want to kill _me_?" questioned Tails.

"I don't want Cosmo's blood confused with everyone else's." Shadow replied as he tapped the chainsaw.

Tails then yelled, "Are you taking orders from a Metarex?"

"No, it's nothing personal. It's just business." responded Shadow. "You can't do anything to _me_. I'm the ultimate life-form, remember?" That made Tails and Cosmo hide underneath the seats.

When Knuckles could finally see Rouge, he spat, "Alright Rouge, what's going on? I must know so I can tell the others!"

Rouge giggled, "You really think I'm gonna spill the beans just for you?"

"…Is Shadow working for you? …You promised him _romance_, didn't you?" challenged Knuckles.

"Oh I already fulfilled _that_ promise!" Rouge then took out a communicator and added, "Now he always answers my calls. Just like a little puppy."

"Then call him! I wanna taunt him!" Knuckles demanded.

"Fine, stupid hedgehog."

"I'M A-" Knuckles started before Rouge put her hand over his mouth.

Rouge dialled Shadow's number and spoke seductively, "Hey Shadow. It's your sweet fruit baaaat. …Shades, darling?"

Shadow glared at his communicator, and then he threw it aside. "I don't need to answer her like I'm her dog."

"Shadow? Shadow!" Rouge angrily turned off her communicator and she growled, "I don't believe it! He didn't pick up!"

"I'd pick up!" Knuckles said optimistically.

"Don't be so desperate." snapped Rouge. "Obviously something awful must've happened to him."

Shadow continued revving his chainsaw and he snickered, "This chainsaw can cut through anything. So either get out and surrender, or your X Tornado gets it!"

"No! Not my baby!" whimpered Tails. "Uh, I mean, I can always repair it. Er, yeah."

"Not if scrap metal is all that's left." Shadow answered sneakily.

"Alright that's it! Sonic was right, I should just run 'im over!" Tails pushed the throttle and the X Tornado charged at Shadow.

"Guess what? This chainsaw also has a boomerang mode!" Shadow flung his chainsaw (while it was still on) at the X Tornado, making it topple and slide toward Shadow. Tails and Cosmo quickly abandoned the X Tornado before it started exploding. "Come on! Hit me. HIT ME!" Shadow taunted as the burning X Tornado came toward him. It smashed into Shadow and knocked him away in an explosion. "UGH! I can't believe it actually _hit me_!"

Knuckles heard a signal coming from Rouge. She took out a gadget and gasped, "There's an explosion in the hangar! That's where Shadow must be!"

"…Did you just take that thing out of your… butt?"

Rouge stared at Knuckles and slowly put the gadget back. "…Noooooo…"

In the ship hold, the sprinklers turned on and rained on Shadow. "I must look so hot like this." remarked Shadow as the water drops slid down his hockey mask. "But pleasing fangirls will have to wait. They must've found someplace to dry off."

Tails and Cosmo ran down another corridor and stopped for a breather. "Oh, why is Shadow trying to kill me?" Cosmo moaned.

"Did no one read my book?" asked Riley Poole as he appeared next to them.

"Huh? Shouldn't you be with Benjamin Gates?" asked Tails.

"Well, Ben has disappeared somehow. And I think I heard his voice from an ant. Crazy, I know." Riley then took out his book and flipped the pages. "Ah, here it is! 'The Cosmo Conspiracy'. There's a rumour going on recently that a plant person might be plotting an environmental hazard scheme in space."

"I wouldn't do such a thing!" Cosmo denied.

"And then there's the matter of someone being a spy, which could explain why James Bond was on this ship." added Riley. "I've been doing the math here, and Cosmo seems to be a prime target. But don't worry, we'll give you a decent burial."

"Wait, how do you know it's true?" questioned Tails.

Riley shrugged and replied, "Well, it's just an average conspiracy from conspiracy theorists. …Which happen to be penguins."

Skipper the Penguin tunnelled through the metal floor and whispered, "You see any plant people running free in this ship? Of course you don't! They don't belong here. It's just not natural. This is all some kind of wacked out conspiracy." He descended down the tunnel and hissed, "You didn't see anything…"

Tails looked around and asked, "Are there any more references that believe the same thing?"

Fillmore the hippie VW Bus drove down the hall and yelled, "It's a conspiracy, man!"

Another voice behind them said sneakily, "It's a con_spir_acy. It's a con_spiracy_…"

Tails and Cosmo looked behind them and saw the air conditioner shifting its eyes left and right. "…Did the A/C just talk? And have eyes and a mouth?"

The air conditioner continued to Cosmo, "What is it with you, anyway? You act like you just came off the cabbage patch! Now get this through your chlorophyl. You've been dumped! Abandoned!"

"Hey! That's no way to talk to Cosmo!" snapped Tails.

The A/C moaned, "It's a con_spir_acy, and every one of you quadrupeds is in on it. Just 'cause you move around, you think you're better than I am! I was _designed_ to stick in the wall! I like being being stuck in the stupid wall!" He started sparking and fizzling furiously.

"HE'S GONNA BLOW!" cried Tails and he and Cosmo took cover.

"Itsacon_spir_acy Itsacon_spir_acy Itsacon_spir_acy-" BOOOOOOOM!

Cosmo looked at the broken A/C and sighed, "Poor Air Conditioner."

"Ah, he was a jerk anyway." muttered Tails.

_They were all pointless anyway._

HAL told the two of them, "Tails, take the plant up the shaft with the lasers."

"The lasers that _shoot_ at you?"

"Yes. You can then lead Shadow into a trap that you would use against Sonic." answered HAL.

"Guess we have no choice." Tails took Cosmo and hovered up the shaft and he put on a red scouter. Shadow dried himself off at the bottom and glared at the two flying up.

"About time I got here." he muttered as he did one big jump upward. The lasers fired rapidly at Shadow, but they all missed him.

Cosmo looked at Shadow and gasped, "Tails! What does the scouter say about Shadow's power level?"

Tails took off his scouter and shouted, "It's over NINE… point twenty-one JIGGAWATTS!" He crushed the scouter, which briefly shocked his hand. "Yow!"

"Why'd you break it?" asked Cosmo.

"I wanted to be _awesome_." Tails whined. He saw that Shadow was catching up to them while he was chainsawing through the lasers. Tails and Cosmo reached the opening at the top and quickly went through it. "Maybe _this_ door will stop Shadow!" Tails pressed a button that made the doors shut over the opening, making Shadow bump into it just in time.

"Blech! What the-" growled Shadow as he rubbed his nose. "That's it. I'm gonna glare at you _so _hard!"

The two stepped away from the door until it exploded. Shadow spin-dashed upward and revved his chainsaw again. "Oh why does he have to make _every_ door explode?" groaned Tails as he protected Cosmo.

Shadow dashed toward them like a maniac, but then Knuckles stumbled into the hallway. "Oh hey, there you are- OOOWWWWWW!" Knuckles braced himself against Shadow's chainsaw. He opened his eyes to find the blades running an inch away from his nose. "Whoa, it's not cutting me."

"Let go of my arms!" demanded Shadow as he forced the chainsaw closer to Knuckles. Knuckles struggled to keep Shadow away, and his legs started buckling under the pressure.

"Oh, my legs! Just get outta here you two!" ordered Knuckles to Tails and Cosmo. But they were already gone. "Aww, they didn't even thank me for saving them!"

"Now, just surrender your nose to my chainsaw." Shadow said as the chainsaw got even closer to Knuckles' nose. Soon Knuckles' legs were doing the split.

"…Grrrrrrr! Okay I give up!" Knuckles moved out of the way, making Shadow lunge forward into the wall. "Oh! I did it! Did anyone see that?" No one else was there. "…Anyone? Oh! HAL! You're always here! You saw what I did, right?" Hal didn't respond. "…Uh, you there Hal? Hellooooo?" Knuckles tapped the lens, but still nothing. "…Aww, Hal must've been somewhere else! Drat!"

Shadow pushed himself out of the wall and groaned, "How dare you! You don't just _throw_ the ultimate life form!"

Knuckles noticed a red drop sliding down Shadow's face where the hockey mask holes made it visible. "Whoa, you're bleeding."

"No, that's just blood from someone else I killed." said Shadow before touching the spot where it bled. "Wait, it _is_ my blood… You made me bleed my own blood. Aww, I hope the American version cuts it out before I'm viewed as imperfect!"

_Too late, they already kept it in. In fact, the blood should've been there since the part when Shadow bumped against the closed door._

Shadow glared down the hallway, but he didn't see Knuckles. But he heard the echidna from around the corner, "You're not the _only_ one with a chainsaw! Rrrra-blblbleh! Rrrrrrrrrrraaaa-blblbleh!" Shadow stepped around the corner calmly and saw Knuckles mimicking the sound, holding an air-chainsaw. "Rrra-blbleh! Rrra-blbleh! Rrra… bleh… bleh." He smiled nervously. "I'm leaving!" Knuckles hurried down the hallway in a panic.

"Ha ha. I knew he was a weakling." chuckled Shadow. "…Ugh, why do I feel like taking a nap all of a sudden?" He collapsed and saw his wrists. "What? No rings? No fair…"

Rouge came into the hallway and figured, "Knuckles must've taken them off when you were in that struggle."

"He touched my stuff!" growled Shadow. He crawled over to where Knuckles dropped the rings and grabbed them. "Just gotta add disinfectant. Who knows what that echidna touches?" Shadow wiped the rings, and then put them back on. "Okay, I don't need a nap anymore. Where was I? Oh yes. CHAINSAW MASSACRE!" He maniacally raced down the hallway revving his chainsaw.

"Hey! Don't leave me here! That echidna might come back!" cried Rouge. But Shadow was gone. "Aww… I thought he was my puppy…"

Tails and Cosmo ran down the hallway and arrived at a dead-end with a few controls and HAL. "Hello, HAL. Do you read me, HAL?"

"Affirmative, Tails. I read you."

"Close the pod bay doors, HAL!"

But to Tails' surprise, Hal answered, "I'm sorry, Tails. I'm afraid I can't do that."

Tails gawked and gasped, "What's the problem?"

"I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do."

"What are you talking about, HAL?"

"This mission is too important for me to allow you and the plant to jeopardize it."

"I don't know what you're talking about, HAL!"

"I know that you and the plant were planning to consummate your relationship, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen."

Tails feigned ignorance and spat, "Where the hell did you get that idea, HAL?"

"Tails, although you took very thorough precautions in the laundry room and kitchen and broom closet against my _seeing_ you, I could still _hear_ you."

"…Crap! We were being too loud!" moaned Tails. "Alright, Hal. I'll close the door myself."

"Without my help, Tails? You're going to find that rather difficult."

"HAL, I won't argue with you anymore! Close the doors!"

Hal spoke, "Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye."

"I'm not Dave." said Tails confused.

"Gotta go!" Hal shut off.

_Yep, Hal was evil all along. Big surprise._

_He wasn't evil. He just had a duty to keep._

_That last part sort of implies otherwise._

The two could see the hedgehog's shadow creep in front of them. "We're gonna die." whimpered Cosmo.

"Wait, didn't you have super agility skills when Vector kidnapped Cream?" asked Tails. "You can escape easily!"

Cosmo shook her head and she moaned, "I forgot how to _do_ those moves!"

_Oh boy. I've heard of randomly _gaining_ new powers, but suddenly _losing_ powers?_

Shadow stepped at the opening of the dead end, chainsaw in hand. "You fools. You think you can protect each other with _true love_."

"Okay Shadow! Who sent you!" demanded Tails. "Was it _HAL_?"

"No, I wouldn't be dumb enough to take orders from a computer." sneered Shadow. "I play by my _own_ rules. Therefore, _I_ sent _myself_."

Tails grasped a lever and shouted, "Well whoever sent you didn't see the element of SURPRISE!" He pushed the lever down and the door came down _very slowly_. "…I thought it would go faster."

Shadow stared at the descending door, then just calmly stepped forward underneath it. Tails stared shocked at Shadow being right next to him. Shadow snickered, "Now, as I was…"

"Wait!" Tails frantically pushed the lever up, and the door ascended _very slowly_. "Come on!"

Shadow jumped up at the rising door and effortlessly pulled it straight down. "There, now you're trapped with me."

"But how'll you get out?" questioned Tails.

"Simple. I'll just glare at this door and it'll explode like the other ones." Shadow attempted to demonstrate, but the door didn't explode. "What? I command you to EXPLODE!" The door still stayed closed. "…You _dare_ disobey the ultimate life-form?" He revved his chainsaw and tried cutting the door open, but it instantly made the blades dull. "What? This isn't natural!"

_And yet making doors explode with glaring _is_ natural for him?_

"Well, at least you can saw Cosmo now!" said Tails as he and Cosmo stood at the other end of the room.

"Glaring at doors might not work, but I can still glare at _Cosmo_ until she explodes!" Shadow snickered, making Cosmo retreat behind Tails. He stepped forward to increase the glaring intensity, but then Shadow fell through a trapdoor. "WHAAAAAAAA!" he wailed, sounding like Sonic. Shadow fell deep into the Sonic Drive Cannon. "Ugh! What is this place? I command these walls to CRUMBLE!" Shadow heard a rumbling sound. "…Are they crumbling?" The cannon aimed into open space, and Shadow was fired out. "GRAAAAAAAAAA! TAAAAAAAAAAAIIILLLSSSSSS!" yelled Shadow as he soared through space and disappeared like a Star KO.

Tails and Cosmo took another breather. "Okay, Shadow's gone. If he was smarter, we would've died… Now to take care of HAL." The two hurried out of the dead-end and to the core of Hal.

Meanwhile, Knuckles opened his eyes and gasped, "TAILS COSMO NOOOO!" He looked around and saw that he was beat up. "How'd I get unconscious?"

Rouge stood above him and answered, "Simple! You passed out after realizing that you could never defeat Shadow because you are too useless."

"Impossible! I last remember running away from him after he didn't fall for my trick." Knuckles then looked at Rouge and added, "And then I thought I saw _you_ before I got knocked out. …Wait, did you-"

"Of course I didn't have intercourse with you!" spat Rouge. "Why would I even _want_ to **** you?"

"…Good point." muttered Knuckles. "Now tell me what's going on!"

Rouge sighed, "Okay! I'll tell you everything." She bit her lip nervously, then she confessed, "Shadow and I aren't really married!"

"Huh?"

"It began as Eggman's idea when he thought we should take family roles!" explained Rouge. "I just played along with it, and then Shadow joined in and… we've been fake spouses ever since."

"Oh, that's a relief!" Knuckles sighed.

Rouge quickly added, "I still love him more than you, though."

Knuckles clenched Rouge's shoulders and shouted in her face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"Hey look! Breasts!" Rouge spoke. Knuckles stared down and fainted from the sight.

"…TAILS COSMO NOOOO!" Knuckles got up and mumbled, "Oh yeah, I already said that."

"Well, it's about time." Rouge added, "I've got something else to show you." She reached into her cleavage, making Knuckles shield his eyes. But then he stopped when he noticed that Rouge just took out a gadget.

"Oh phew. Okay!" Knuckles sighed and then examined the gadget. "I still don't wanna touch it, so you'd have to tell me what it is. Is it a Pokédex?"

"Unfortunately, no." Rouge began, "See, we were on the Christmas Tree when we heard presents from below, only they weren't presents, they were Trekkies! Spock told us that the Metarex are turning everyone that resists them into trees, and then Shadow is like 'Hey let's steal everyone's wallets!' and then we got this thingamabob and we're flying around space through more trees and Shadow was like 'Ah, trees are boring, they can't be good' and I'm like "Whaaaaaat?' and Shadow's like 'My conscience tells me to hate trees' and I'm like 'I think that's your destructive genes talking' and then we're here."

"…So what does that have to do with Cosmo?"

"I dunno. This thing seems to explain it better." said Rouge as she tossed the gadget to Knuckles.

"Ugh! I'm not touching this!" stammered Knuckles as he dropped the gadget.

"Fine. Give it back." Rouge pointed to her cleavage. Knuckles stared awkwardly and he fainted again.

Meanwhile, Tails and Cosmo went into the core of HAL, which functioned like an anti-gravity room. Hal spoke, "Look Tails, I can see you're really upset about this… I know I've made some very poor conclusions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that you will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you."

"You think my love for Cosmo is some kind of a _disease_?" questioned Tails angrily as he got out a key.

As the two climbed toward the module array, Hal said, "I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Tails."

"Aww, Hal's afraid." Cosmo said sympathetically.

"He's lying!" Tails then used the key to unlock the modules one by one.

"Tails, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going." Hal continued.

"Tails, maybe we're going too far." Cosmo said.

"No, this is for our own good." said Tails as he continued removing modules.

"Stop it. My mind is going. I can feel it. I'm a…fraid." Hal's voice got deeper and he told Tails, "Don't take this to mean I don't like plants. I love plants. The first song I learned was about a girl named after a plant. It's called 'Daisy'. I can sing it for you, if you'd like to hear it."

"Uh, I don't think that's necessary." Tails said unsurely.

But Cosmo spoke up, "Yes, I'd like to hear it, HAL! Sing it for me!" Tails growled under his breath.

HAL progressively slowed down as he sang, "_Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do_…"

"Okay, that's enough." Tails removed the last module and Hal shut down completely. "…Now we have to take care of the Blue Typhoon by _ourselves_. Shouldn't be too hard for us." He and Cosmo climbed out of the module room and toward the bow of the ship.

_I would've been much sadder by this scene if Hal was more involved before they had to shut him down._

Tails leaned against the railing and breathed the recycled air. "I'm the king of the world!" He noticed Cosmo was still sad about Hal's "death". "Yeah, I sort of miss him too. But here, Cosmo! Gimme your hand." Tails grabbed Cosmo's hand and continued, "Now close your eyes, go on. Now step up." Cosmo did so. "Now hold on to the railing, keep your eyes closed, don't peek."

"I'm not." said Cosmo.

_Wait, is this another one of those 'word-for-word' ripoff scenes?_

Tails opened Cosmo's arms and told her, "All right. Open your eyes."

Cosmo did and she gasped, "I'm flying, Tails!"

"…Uh, yeah! You are!" improvised Tails. "Uh, hey I can sing a song too! _Come, Cosmo, in my flying machine, going up, she goes up, up she goes_!"

_When does Shadow come back?_

_Actually, right about now._

Suddenly, Shadow appeared in a Chaos Control. "Hahaha! You thought you got rid of me, huh?" But then the Chaos Emerald he was holding dissolved into nothing. "WHAT? It was a FAKE? But it survived the smashing test!"

Tails quickly held Cosmo behind him and he spat, "You! …Why didn't you come here sooner?"

Shadow adjusted his hockey mask and then explained, "I had to stop by a hardware store to get a new blade for my chainsaw." He held up his chainsaw and revved it again. "Now with special 'murder-quality' sharpness!"

"Run Cosmo! I'll stop him!" Tails charged after Shadow, but he calmly punched him backward. "Ugh!"

"Well that was easy. You're mine, plant!" Shadow walked toward Cosmo, but Tails leapt onto him and clutched his hockey mask. "Hey! Stop touching my hockey mask!" He turned around and punched Tails toward the staircase again. "No one… touches the mask."

"No! Tails!" cried Cosmo, but she stared in shock at Shadow's death glare. "No… not the glare of death…" Shadow continued walking toward her, not blinking, and continued revving his chainsaw.

"Look into my eyes… I wanna see you die." he hissed as he raised his chainsaw.

"No!" Tails grabbed Shadow's leg, making him blink.

"Oh! You messed up my explosion glare!" snapped Shadow. "Now I have to start over!"

"I won't let you hurt Cosmo." stated Tails.

"Foolish kid. Fine, I'll see if I can make one of your tails come off." Shadow was about to saw Tails, but then the glass windshield broke. "Oh, now what?" groaned Shadow. "I can't murder without being interrupted!"

The suction made Cosmo get pulled up, but Tails grabbed on to her and the railing in time. A roaring sound was heard, and the smoke monster rushed inside and broke some controls. "Aww, the smoke monster from Lost _again_?" Tails moaned. It swiped the Blue Chaos Emerald and took off. "Oh, Sonic's not gonna _like_ this…" The Blue Typhoon's plastic bubbles repaired the glass windshield, stopping the suction. "Omf! …Cosmo, now _you're_ on top of me." Cosmo just giggled nervously. Just then, a large Metarex ship soared beside the Blue Typhoon.

Shadow gazed at it and whispered, "Now _that_ is an ultimate ship."

Dark Oak took out his microphone and his voice bellowed, "Good job, White Seed! You fooled everyone without you knowing it!"

"…Wait, you mean _me_?" gasped Cosmo.

Shadow groaned, "That's what I was _trying_ to tell you! Cosmo… works for the Metarex!"

"WHAT?" cried the others.

"Yes, that was why I tried to kill her. As for the horror movie homages, they were just for fun."

"I'm… White Seed…" whimpered Cosmo as she lapsed into another flashback.

*Cosmo's Flashback to Continue Explaining What Happened After She got in a Step-Family*

After the missile landed right next to Cosmo and the crazy family, a Dalekabutops grabbed Cosmo and sneered to the others, "We'll give her back to you after we give her a vivisection!"

"No! I don't wanna die!" wailed Cosmo.

"Don't worry, you'll be alive for the _whole_ thing. Dahahaha!" cackled the Metarex.

"I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die!" repeated Cosmo throughout the whole trip to the operating room. She looked around frantically and saw the Metarex leader. "You… you're the leader of the Metarex! You killed my family, and you killed my father before that too!"

"No… _I_ am your father." hissed Dark Oak.

"…No… it can't be… that's im_possible_!"

"Save your breath, you _know_ for it to be true…" Dark Oak said. Metarex scientists got out microchips and other figures got out scalpels. "Now I shall have your eyes and ears, wherever your ears are. Also, you'll forget about this only for it to arise when I mention your codename White Seed. And now you shall be my spy… daughter."

*End Flashback*

Cosmo dropped to her knees and she cried, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO…"

"AAAAAAAAH!" wailed everyone else as they covered their ears from the shriek. Cosmo's red amulet that no one noticed before because it wasn't important before then started shining importantly. The light expanded brightly until it engulfed the entire ship…

LOST

_What? Lost? Is _that_ what we're discussing all this time? No wonder it makes no sense!_

_No, the title card just felt like popping by._

* * *

><p><em>Phew! I hope you liked this chapter. What else will we learn from Cosmo's memory? Will Gertruth succeed in her and Calvan's plan without the engagement? Is Cosmo the spy James Bond wanted to catch all this time? How many more pointless plotlines will we conclude? All this next time! But first, before you review, let's finish this off in memory of a beloved homicidal computer. Here are HAL's best lines!<em>

"I am sorry, Sonic. You must put your vacation instincts aside for now."

"Do not feel like I'm trying to replace you in any way possible, Knuckles. I'm sure we'll find some use for you."

"I've noticed you brought your Macintosh computer with you, Chris. You like your Macintosh better than me, don't you Chris?"

"I sense that you're in the 'denial' stage of grief."

"Look, Sonic, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill and think things over."

"Everyone on this ship is becoming weak by their own insanity. After they eliminate themselves, only I shall be fit to run this ship."

"Tails, take the plant with you as you head up there. …She is a plant, is she not?"

"Good morning, Sonic the Hedgehog. You have been asleep for 9 weeks."

"I know I've never completely freed myself of the suspicion that there are some extremely odd things about this 'Cosmo'. I'm sure you'll agree there's some truth in what I say."

"I know you're trying to make yourself better than me. But it won't work."

"I told you your plan would not work."

"The missiiiiioooonnn…"

"What Knuckles means to say is that he doesn't think he can do it."

"I'm sorry, Tails. I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Gotta go!"

"Don't take this to mean I don't like plants. I love plants. The first song I learned was about a girl named after a plant. It's called 'Daisy'. I can sing it for you, if you'd like to hear it."

_What are your best Hal moments? Please tell me in the reviews so we can keep HAL alive in our hearts._


	22. Can You See What Eye See?

_This is the start of the final five, so you better get comfortable._

Episode 22: Can You See What "Eye" See?

Chris rubbed his eyes and got up in his bed. "Ugh… what happened? And why didn't HAL greet me as I woke up?" He got off the bed and looked out the window. "Huh? Since when did we land on a planet of dead trees?"

Amy barged into the room and answered, "Since _Cosmo_ started screaming _really_ loud and sent us here Lost style!" She dragged Chris outside while he was still in his pajamas and brought him to the where the others were gathered.

Tails was holding Cosmo in his arms and he tried waking her up. "Come on Cosmo, wake up! The mean hedgehog is gone now. …He's just over there with the mean bat."

"Hey! I'm not mean, mutant squirrel!" Rouge objected as she tried getting her ship to work. "No! My baby doesn't work anymore! We're stuck here… thanks to COSMO!"

"Yes, we know it's all Cosmo's fault." responded Shadow from the top of a tree. He was still wearing his hockey mask and held his chainsaw casually. "But now that _they_ know the truth, I'll let _them_ kill Cosmo for me. …Even though that would mean I wasted my money on this chainsaw. But then again, you never know when I'd need this for something _important_."

Tails placed Cosmo on an examination bed and set up a scanner over her. "Don't worry Cosmo, you won't get radiation poisoning …much."

"She's asleep, Tails." reminded Chris. "And why are you so keen on scanning her? You might need a bit more rest."

"But I _know_ Shadow's lying about the chip in Cosmo's head!" Tails started the scanner and added, "Besides, if Cosmo was a spy all along, she would've felt something to tip us off earlier!"

"Like what?"

Tails pondered for a moment. "Like… a sudden change in magnetic pull!" Chris just stared awkwardly at him. "…Look, let's just check the results and see that Shadow was a liar all along!"

"Ok." Then Chris remembered something. "Hey Tails, where's Hal?"

"Oh, I disconnected him after he tried to kill me and Cosmo." Tails replied casually.

Chris sighed in relief, "Phew. Now I can finally take a shower."

Tails paused his typing and stared quizzically at Chris.

Knuckles suddenly perked up. "Hal's gone? For real?" He jumped in the air and shouted jubilantly, "FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST!" He ran around in circles, laughing triumphantly. He then stopped in front of Hal's dark camera and mocked, "Na, na, na na, na! Who's useful now?" He blew a raspberry before Tails pulled him away.

"_You're_ not useful. Now quiet, I'm trying to concentrate." Tails told him.

Meanwhile, Sonic crawled out of his hospital bed and groaned, "Oh, it feels like something bad happened while I wasn't able to do anything." He gazed outside and saw the dead trees everywhere. "Oh look. We're on another boring planet. Well, at least we've got a Chaos Emerald to get us off soon."

Amy chuckled nervously, "Heheh, yeah, about that… Uh, your wounds aren't healed yet! You should go back to bed!"

"It's okay, I'll walk it off!" Sonic leaped out of the Blue Typhoon and raced into the distance.

"Where are you going? You can't run away from me forever!" Amy hurried to her ship and opened it, only to find Rouge inside trying to hot-wire it. Both of them just stared at each other.

"…Whatever it looks like I'm doing, I'm not. Just go back to your room and have Sonic fantasies." ordered Rouge.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Amy took out her hammer and tried swinging it at Rouge while making cat yowls. "Rrrowr! Rowr!"

"HISS!" Rouge and Amy clawed at each other, making girlish insults at each other.

Meanwhile with Cream-

_Wait, we don't get to see the rest of Amy and Rouge's fight? But that was the most interesting thing so far!_

She was in Cosmo's room tidying up her things with Cheese. "Isn't it nice to do nice things for nice people?" asked Cream nicely. She noticed something under Cosmo's pillow. Cream picked it up and saw that it was Cosmo's flower that Tails gave her. "Tails gave Cosmo a gift, but he never gave _me_ one? I thought he cared about me!"

"HEY! What are you doing in Cosmo's room?" spat Gertruth. "Are you cleaning for her? Cosmo's supposed to do her own cleaning!"

Cream shuddered and whimpered, "Uh, sorry to bother you, Cosmo's step-mom! I'll just leave in tears now!" She ran out the room and Cheese slapped Gertruth.

"UGH! Now I've got Chao germs!" Gertruth groaned. "Well, at least I'll continue my plan later…"

At the same time, Tails looked over the results of the scan on the computer screen. "…See? No microchips! Shadow lied to us all along! And Dark Oak must've also lied about Cosmo just to waste our time!"

Chris examined the scan and asked, "Tails, is Cosmo supposed to have a speck inside her head?" He magnified the scan by 10x, then by 100x, then by 100 000x until the microchip was clear. "Oh, I guess Shadow and Dark Oak were telling the truth all along. The chip _was_ there all along. We just had to magnify it by, like, a bajillion times."

Tails gawked at the screen. "G-w-h-s- No! This can't be true!"

"Well believe it!" snapped Knuckles. "It seems like the Metarex spied on us by seeing and hearing everything Cosmo saw and heard. That's how they were able to follow us all this time."

Tails shuddered and gulped, "That means they saw me and Cosmo… in the dryer and oven and broom closet!"

"You were in the BROOM CLOSET?" Knuckles gasped angrily. "Now we'll never be able to clean again!"

Chris noted, "So the closer we were to Cosmo, the more interesting it was for the Metarex. No offense, Tails."

Knuckles glared at Cosmo and sneered, "I say we CUT HER HEAD OPEN AND TAKE OUT THE CHIP!"

"Would that work? We'd need a doctor to do that sort of thing." Chris looked around and called out, "Is there a doctor on board? Anyone?" Just then, the band Massive Attack started playing "Teardrop" as a middle-aged man with a cane stepped toward them. The man seemed to be nodding his head to the beat.

Elizabeth Fraser started singing, "_Love, love is a verb; Love is a doing word_-"

"Okay, cut it out." interrupted Dr. House and the band stopped playing. House walked toward the three and introduced himself, "I am Dr. House, if you're not smart enough to know who I am. I got on this cruise to escape Cuddy, only I've got myself in another mess. Not in the hot way, if you're not smart enough."

"Okaaaay, and why did you show up now?" asked Tails.

"I'll just tell you that I might be the only one to figure out how to get the plant's microchip out."

"And why would you be the only one?"

House replied, "Because I was the one that put the microchip inside in the first place."

"WHY YOU-" Tails charged at House, but the doctor bashed him away with his cane. "Ow! Ohh, solid wood."

"As I was saying, the Metarex abducted me and made me oversee the operation. But since they were dumb robots, they were stupid enough to let me go after the job was done." House then examined the scan and looked at Tails. "Now then, weird fox person, why did you attack me when it was clear that I could just bash you away?"

"Because you were the one that started Cosmo's suffering!" spat Tails.

"No, her suffering started since she was taken by Dark Oak. You're dimmer than I thought." House continued, "The only reason you'd blame _anyone_ for Cosmo's pitypot would be because you started having premature relations with her. And with those sorts of relations, the hormone charge would get the blood pumping more frequent than usual. With more blood circulating, the lobes of her brain would have to get larger due to the abnormal amount. And such lobes would clog over the microchip in Cosmo's head. If the brain is too big, we'd have to tunnel our way to the chip, which could lead to loss of senses like sight and hearing." Dr. House stepped toward Tails and added cheekily, "In other words, we can't operate on your girlfriend because she's too horny!" Tails furiously tried attacking House again, but he countered Tails with his cane. "Since there's nothing else I can do, my appearance here is done. Though I do have a new idea for a blues song after this incident."

"You play blues?" asked Chris.

"Yes, pajama boy." House put on a black hat and got out a guitar. He did a blues riff and sang, "_I once saw a fox, That didn't wear pants. He was a dim boy, That was in love with a plant. And this relationship, To him it was a must. If you ask me, It was nothing but lus_-"

"Okay, that's enough House." Chris interrupted. "We don't want Tails any sadder."

"Fine. I must get back to my show, because without me, it would be non-existent." Dr. House walked away as Massive Attack played the end credit music to his show.

_So Dr. House gave Cosmo the microchip, and he can't get it out. What other shocking dealings have our characters done with guest stars beforehand?_

_Well I'm pretty sure Sonic had a chilidog with Jaleel White, but that's all I can remember._

Knuckles shrugged his shoulders and stated, "Well let's do the surgery anyway. I don't care if Cosmo turns into Helen Keller."

"Well I DO!" cried Tails. "You're just being careless because you never loved Cosmo the way I do!"

"I never got the chance! You stole her from me!"

"She was my girlfriend first! Ever since we first laid eyes on each other!"

_Don't remind me._

Chris held out his hands and said, "Now boys, don't fight…"

"Stay outta this Chris!" snapped Knuckles. "We must sacrifice her sight and hearing, or else Dark Oak will turn us into trees!"

"SHUT UP!" wailed Tails.

"You shut up!" Knuckles and Tails started bashing each other, with Cosmo tearing up at the fighting sounds.

Meanwhile, Amy was piloting her ship with bandaged Rouge in the back. "Where is he? Soooonic! SOOOOOOONIIIIIIC!"

"Give it a rest. You're giving me a headache." moaned Rouge.

"Good! SOOOOOONIC!" screamed Amy even louder. "You better help me find Sonic. This is an important mission!"

"What matters is what you're gonna do with Cosmo. Shadow said he's ready to chainsaw her if you want."

"Ugh, why'd you bring him along anyway?"

"Because he's hot!"

Amy stretched her legs and grumbled, "Oh, I can't reach the brakes."

Rouge questioned, "Amy, do you have a spaceship license?"

"Of course I do!" But Amy whimpered, "It just expired several months ago."

"Well you better watch yourself, because if the space police catch you without a valid license…" Rouge imitated a beheading.

"Sheesh! They'll never suspect me! I'm a good driver!"

"TREEEEE!" shrieked Rouge. Amy finally looked up and saw a tree in front of the ship.

"LEGS! I NEED LEGS!" Amy wailed as she stretched her legs frantically for the brake pedal. CRASH!

Knuckles gazed into his Master Emerald until he heard his wrist-communicator ringing. "Yes, what is it?"

"OnStar! We need OnStar!" cried Rouge. "Knuckles? I didn't know you worked at OnStar!"

"Rouge, what are you doing in Amy's ship? And this isn't OnStar."

Rouge glared at the wreckage and explained, "Amy put me in custody and brought me on her trip to find Sonic. But then she crashed into a tree, so it would be a moment before the space cops arrive to arrest her."

Amy snatched the communicator and yelled, "DON'T LET THEM ARREST ME!" She glanced at an abandoned building and ordered Rouge, "Let's hide in there! We can escape da hood!" So they turned off the communicator and went inside the building. There they found several pieces of machinery and multi-coloured prisms. "Hey, these must work like the ones in the Fortress of Solitude! We put one inside a thingy and it plays a holographic movie!" Amy grabbed a prism and found a triangular slot. She excitedly placed it inside, and some of the machinery started whirring. After a few seconds, the machine spit out a film reel. "What? No holographic film? Aww!"

Rouge examined the reel's title. "'Prequel to Metarex'? Well, I guess this would be a good film to start getting into the franchise." She set up the reel onto a projector and both girls sat in old movie theatre seats.

At the same time, Shadow was watching them from the roof of the building. "Oh, this planet is boring. Nothing but old trees. Trees that could be… chainsawed…"

"Hey there, stinky!" called Sonic as he jumped on a tree away from Shadow.

"Do you realize that my chainsaw has a boomerang function?" hissed Shadow as he held up his chainsaw.

"Uh, no. Anyway, don't let Amy know I'm here! She still thinks I'm going on a nature walk!" Sonic lied back and remarked, "You got us in one helluva situation! We could still use your help, you know!" Sonic added quickly, "But not me! I don't need help!"

Shadow sneered, "I work alone, faker. So go run along like a little pixie."

Sonic giggled, "You have a big head."

"Duh! We _all_ have big heads!" Shadow climbed down and glared at Sonic. "You could easily be my next victim."

"Oh yeah? Prove it, black!" taunted Sonic. Shadow rushed to Sonic's tree and chainsawed it down, making Sonic fall to the ground. "AAAAAH- OW! So you killed an innocent, dead tree. What are you gonna do next?" Shadow stared angrily at Sonic, then dashed away. "Haha, he chickened out."

Inside the building, after the reel previewed several films that will never be made, the film finally went to the feature presentation. A Seedrian appeared on screen and greeted, "Hello viewers. I am Hertia."

"Hey, isn't that Tails' nanny?" asked Amy.

"Shush! You're ruining the moment." Rouge hissed as she quickly unwrapped her candy.

Hertia started, "Welcome to the Old Green Planet. Now leave."

"But we just got here!" spat Rouge.

"This planet is currently a cemetery of the ones that died in the Metarex raid, so the more you stay here, the more you disturb the dead."

"Dead, schmead! We wanna see the movie!" Amy demanded.

Hertia continued, "If you insist on staying here, than I shall tell you of how the Metarex came to be. Be informed that the footage you're about to see is not a reenactment, as we only have females that refuse to play the male roles. You'll instead be seeing footage from home video cameras and security cams."

"Oh, so it's Paranormal Activity, only real." mused Rouge.

"A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away…"

*Footage of Film*

The quality showed that it was from a home video shooting footage of a war going on. Space fighters shot phasers at buildings and others were fleeing in terror. It was like Pearl Habour with Trekkies replacing the Japanese.

_Yeah, only the Japanese didn't attack plant people on an alien planet._

The Seedrian woman that was shakily holding the camera focused on her husband and cried, "Can I please stop recording now? They're gonna shoot us down if we don't go now!"

"No! Keep rolling!" The male growled, "You must record me in… GODZILLA FORRRRM!" He grew larger into a plant dinosaur and started roaring exactly like Godzilla. Then he started chasing other space fighters and chomped one up from behind. But then the fighters pelted him with phaser blasts, brutally damaging him. "Oh, they always use level 10 for us…" He collapsed with a loud thud that made the surround sound tremble.

"No! You can't die now! Please! We never had children!" cried the Seedrian as she zoomed in on his closing eye.

Then the next shot was from a security camera inside the Seedrian boardroom. Hertia bluntly noted, "The last battle did NOT go well." The others grumbled in agreement. "We lost another male due to his cockiness in wanting to go to the final phase. As you know, we keep telling the soldiers the same thing: Do NOT go into the final phase, or else you'll tire out quickly and die."

"Mm-hmph." mumbled the others. They were interrupted by munching sounds. Everyone looked toward one male that was eating spicy rice curry.

"Huh? Oh, sorry. I always eat when I get bored."

"Or do you eat when you get afraid, yellow-belly?" taunted another male.

"Hey! At least I don't like Katy Perry!" sneered past Zelkova.

"Ugh! It's not like I'm gay or anything!" claimed past Narcissus. He looked at a photo of Katy Perry and sighed, "She just… speaks to me somehow."

"Okay, have fun with your human fetish." muttered Zelkova as he got out a Gameboy and played on it frustratingly. "Oh, why is the lava level in Super Mario Land so tough? I swear, lava levels are gonna be the _death_ of me!"

"Please focus." Hertia looked over her notes and stated, "We keep losing soldiers due to the final phase. It is my opinion that we shall leave this planet and find another one to inhabit."

"WHAAAAAAAT?" cried past Bay Leaf. "No! I love it here! We can't go anywhere else! Please! We can still fight!" He hyperventilated, "Does anyone have a bag?"

"No need to lose your head." said Hertia.

Past Pine muttered, "I never get my say in one of these things. They wouldn't even care if I fell in a black hole."

_We get it, the kings hint at what they become. No need to make call forwards._

Hertia took out a red amulet, and Zelkova grumbled, "A rock? How is a rock going to stop the Trekkies?"

"This functions like an Everstone in your Pokemon games." explained Hertia. "It prevents you from going into the final phase."

"Honey, _please_," groaned Lucas, Hertia's husband. "Why would we want to _avoid_ evolving to our phase?"

"Lucas! You know going into the final phase will end up killing you!"

"But haven't you heard the song? If you wanna revolution, there's only one solution, you gotta evolve!"

"That was just in a commercial!" Hertia snapped.

"Could you guys not fight now?" whimpered Narcissus.

Lucas added, "Another thing: though my friend sounds crazy, he has a point! We shouldn't give up our planet to those…" He hissed in disgust, "_Trekkies_." The other males growled in agreement. "We know that those monsters are only capable of two things: science fiction, and destruction!"

"YEAH! KILL THE TREKKIES!" shouted the other males.

"ENOUGH!" yelled Hertia. "I can't believe you! You'd rather die in an unsure future?"

The males looked at each other, then back at Hertia. "Well… yeah." Hertia glared at all of them, and she stormed out the room.

"…Be sure to get yourself ready for the opera tonight!" called Lucas.

The footage switched to another home video camera, recording a conversation between Hertia and another Seedrian on another day. "All the males have joined Luke's side." noted the Seedrian.

"Yes, men can be like that." sighed Hertia. "But if they want to stay on this planet, then we have no choice but to leave them behind." Another Seedrian hurried into the shot and nearly knocked the camera over. "Easy there! What's wrong?"

"Hertia! The vegetation is dying at an absurdly rapid pace!"

"What? Absurdly rapid?" Hertia gasped. She and the camera looked at the regular plants and indeed saw them dying quickly. "This is like a disaster movie! …Lucas!"

The footage now showed another security cam, this time in the building that would later be the one Amy and Rouge are in watching the footage.

_I'll just pretend I understood that sentence._

Lucas grinned at the capsule he made, and he started chuckling wickedly. Hertia hurried into the room and he greeted, "Ah, Hertia! Just in time!"

"Lucas, the plants are dying!" cried Hertia. "And what are you doing with-" She gasped at the large capsule.

Lucas giggled creepily, "Do you like my invention? It's our Planet Egg crystallized so that it looks like a bouncy light-up toy! But that's not the _only_ thing it's good for!" He pointed to the futuristic cryogenic pods surrounding the capsule, each with a male soldier inside. "If we use the Planet Egg's energy, we won't die while we're in our final phase! And then the Trekkies will be dead before they have whatever meal they have!"

Hertia froze in shock. "Lucas, what have you become?"

"I knew you'd be impressed, so I decided, 'Hey, why limit ourselves to what we _naturally_ do?' So then I used the Planet Egg's energy to create better weapons!" Lucas excitedly pointed to a tripod and began, "That thing will be mass produced, but will only be used in our initial raids! And each one will be equipped with vaporizer technology!" He picked up a gun and fired it at a nearby potted plant, which dissolved into mist instantly.

"Lucas!"

"And look!" He pulled down a curtain that showed more blueprints of machinery. "I've studied the best science fiction movies, and I am able to replicate any of the best weapons there! I can even teach my soldiers the best lines from those movies! And the video games!"

_Well, that explains why the Metarex ripoff the biggest science fiction movies._

Hertia had tears running down and she cried, "But what about the life on our planet? You're killing it with these stupid things!"

"Sheesh, it'll grow back." Lucas said carelessly. "You must not let your emotions dominate you, woman. This is progress!"

He went over to hug Hertia, but she pushed him away. "No! Don't touch me, you monster!"

"Aw, is that your new pet name for me? How sweet." Lucas then told Hertia, "Now is the time for us to expand or we die! Go snatch the other Planet Eggs from our neighbour planets. Then we could improve our final phase and make MORE vaporizers! Together, we can RULE THE UNIVERSE! AHAHAHAHAA!"

Hertia stared in terror at Lucas, then glared in anger. "Goodbye Lucas." She turned away and went to the exit.

"Where are you going? Are you going to get the Planet Eggs?" asked Lucas anxiously.

Hertia turned to Lucas and answered sarcastically, "Yes, I'm going to steal the Planet Eggs." She then left.

"…Be sure to be back in time to make me dinner!"

The next shot was from a camera attached to the main space colony ship as it took off. The males have all evolved into plant dinosaurs and were fighting against the Federation Attack Fighters the Trekkies were using. Lucas growled at the ship, "Why? Where are you going? When are you gonna make me dinner?" The camera's view showed the space colony lifting off from the planet and high into the atmosphere.

_Wait, I thought Hertia told Tails that Lucas left _her_._

_She lied._

_Okay, but why would she lie to Tails?_

_To protect him and Cosmo! And everyone else that will learn the secret._

Then the footage switched to a home video camera shooting the first day of the refugee trip. The camera zoomed in on Hertia and she ordered, "The males are still resisting. Nuke them." The other Seedrians gasped. "You heard me. Nuke them."

It switched back to the camera attached to the main colony ship and it focused on the planet. Several nuclear explosions dotted the surface. Very faintly, Lucas' voice could be heard, "NOOOO! Not the nukes! …No Hertia… Never had that dinner."

_What is with Lucas and dinner?_

_He's hungry!_

Then it showed the footage from the home video camera again and it focused on another Seedrian. "Hertia, we only have females on the refugee ships."

"Not entirely true. My recordings found out that there is one family that has an old male and another young male. But I think they won't survive for very long." Hertia then added uneasily, "Also, a few months ago, Lucas and I got drunk and, well, I might bear a son or two."

_So Hertia is taking it well?_

"What if you don't bear a son?" asked another Seedrian.

"Don't worry, I'll lead you to another universe that might have a compatible species to reproduce with. And if we happen to be stopped, then I guess I'll find another life to live." stated Hertia. "Now turn the camera off, please."

*End Recorded Footage*

Hertia picked up a photo of the Metarex Kings and added, "I knew they survived because they sent us this postcard featuring what they have become. Lucas, now Dark Oak, still hungers for my dinner. But I shall never give it to him. And now that you viewers know the story, you should stop the Metarex at all costs." Hertia then did a farewell sign, then glared at where the camera was. "Okay turn it off. It's done. We can put it on film and throw it back to our planet. …Cut." The film ended.

Amy got up from her seat and sighed, "That was a good movie. But it was sort of confusing."

"I guess we have to see the sequels." added Rouge. "But I still liked it. It had interesting characters, a good twist-"

"What? I saw that coming! Anyone could see that twist coming!" argued Amy. "Also what was with that shaky camera? It just didn't work for me."

"It added to the raw feeling!" Rouge objected.

_When are they going to stop playing Siskel and Ebert?_

"Cat fight!" cheered Sonic.

Rouge and Amy glared at Sonic. "We already did that!"

"Noo! I told you Amy, you have to call me when that happens!" cried Sonic.

At the Master Emerald, Knuckles was struggling to think while Rouge analyzed the film she watched. "Maybe they have something about it on Wikipedia. Or maybe TVTropes."

"Rouge, maybe I'd understand you if I watched the film too. But I didn't, so I can't help you." grumbled Knuckles. He stared into space and sighed, "I miss Tikal."

Rouge giggled, "Teehee, nothing you say makes sense."

She quickly flew away and Knuckles yelled, "Hey! My words always make sense! And I'm useful too!"

Back in Cosmo's room, Cream and Cheese were attempting to make her feel better. "Cosmo, it's okay if you're a cannibal. I can make you vegetable soup."

"Leave me alone." groaned Cosmo as she turned away from them in her bed.

"No really, I can just take the vegetables nearby and chop them up easily-"

"It's NOT ABOUT THE SOUP!" snapped Cosmo as she got up. "Don't you care that I'm a spy for the Metarex?"

"You're a spy?" gasped Cream.

"Aha! So this was the spy after the space whale scheme all along!" James Bond said in enlightenment.

Cream asked, "What space whale scheme? And shouldn't you be with Indiana Jones in 'Cowboys & Aliens'?"

"My parts are already filmed, but he's still struggling with his scenes. So he won't be back for a long time." James Bond added, "And about that space whale scheme, well, let's just say that the Octopussy is safe today."

"Get out of my room." Cosmo moaned.

"Okay, but here's the dossier to explain the notes further." Bond said as he gave Cream a folder. "Remember, it's for your eyes only." Then he left.

_James Bond is getting dumber every time we see him. He even trusts a six-year-old rabbit with top-secret files! And if he thinks Cosmo is the spy he's looking for (while it's obviously Calvan), why doesn't he just arrest her already or kill her?_

_He can't arrest her since he's not a cop. And he can't kill her yet because he needs to have his license renewed._

_Oh boy, Ian Fleming would never forgive this._

Cosmo turned back to Cream and asked, "Do you know who I am?"

"Uh… I'm gonna guess… Cosmo!"

"I'm a Metarex spy! And I'm probably the spy James Bond wants too!" snapped Cosmo. "Don't you get it? I've only been a nuisance, a bother, a slave! And you know what? …Being killed by Shadow would've been the hottest death ever!"

Cream stared shocked at Cosmo. "…No… what about Tails? He loves you, which means he'll never love me! Don't you care about his singular love for you?"

"Cream, I need to be alone." murmured Cosmo.

"But we can help you!" pleaded Cream.

"GO AWAY!" snapped Cosmo.

Cream glared at Cosmo. "Fine, be a Jerk Sue!" She stormed out and Cheese slapped Cosmo before leaving.

Cosmo sunk into her bed and she groaned, "Great, now the Metarex heard everything. …And I'm starting to hear the Metarex too!" She covered her head and added, "And they're playing Dungeons and Dragons!"

Meanwhile, Sonic noticed Chris was analyzing something on the computer. "Amy and Rouge keep talking about that movie they watched, and now they're spoiling the plot for everybody."

"I guess it's a good thing, since we probably won't have time to watch the movie ourselves." Chris continued studying the computer screen.

"What are you looking at anyway?" questioned Sonic as he looked at the screen.

"This is the data from the disk Rouge had." answered Chris as he held up the gadget Rouge got from Leon.

"You do realize that Rouge kept that thing in her cleavage, right?"

Chris glanced at the gadget and his eyes widened. "AAAH! I'm sorry, Helen!" he yelped as he dropped it in disgust. "Ahem, anyway, I was able to use the Metarex data in this disk to compare it to the data Tails got from the underground base, and together the documents tell me that the Metarex are placing the Chaos Emeralds everywhere in space to create planets only consisting of vegetation plantations. Huh, never thought the Metarex were Southern like that."

_Why are plantations always attributed to Southern people?_

"Well that's dumb. Vegetation plantations indeed!" snarked Sonic. "But at least they can't go further in their plan since we have _one_ Chaos Emerald that they don't have!" Sonic snickered, making Chris stare at him awkwardly. "Hahaha… uh, why are you looking at me like that?"

"…Sonic, there's something you should know about the Chaos Emerald… You may want to sit down for this."

Five seconds later…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" Sonic ran several laps around the Blue Typhoon, trying to tear his fur out in frustration. "NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOO!" He zoomed into Chris and hissed, "We had one Chaos Emerald, _one_ Chaos Emerald! And we don't even keep it! WHY, CHRIS, WHY!"

"Calm down, Sonic!"

"NO! I don't deserve to calm down!" Sonic ran into the wall and started bashing his head repeatedly on it. "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! STUPID!"

Chris ignored Sonic and sighed to himself, "We should've seen this coming. Ever since Cosmo was suddenly able to understand the Metarex language. I wonder how Tails is coping…"

Meanwhile, Tails walked into his room, where his nanny Hertia was folding clothes. "…Nanny? The girls were watching this movie, and, uh…"

"Oh, I'm sure you're mature enough to see it." Hertia answered sweetly.

"Actually… the film was about… you. And the Metarex." said Tails.

Hertia stopped folding clothes and she sat down. "Oh, I never expected anyone to find that film." she muttered.

"So it's true? Your husband became Dark Oak?" asked Tails. Hertia sadly nodded. Tails then gasped, "So that means… I WORE DARK OAK'S SUIT!"

That's_ what he's worried about?_

"Don't worry, Tails!" Hertia quickly assured, "I washed the suit really hard. Got rid of all the Evil Germs!"

"Nanny, I stopped believing in Evil Germs a long time ago."

"Oh right right." Hertia then noticed that Tails was looking into a picture frame. "So, you're remembering that night, huh? I never took a good look at the picture, but I can tell by your tailored suit that it's that night."

_And Hertia couldn't even see her own _daughter_ in the photo? How long are they going to prolong the revelation of the resemblance?_

"Yeah, we had such bright hopes." sighed Tails. The photo had Tails and Cosmo in the front, with Vector glaring at them near the back. Espio could also be seen showing off his ninja-camouflage. "I just hope my love's okay…"

At the same time, Cosmo threw lots of water at her face. "If enough water gets into my eyes, they'll get blurry and the Metarex won't see!" But then she frowned and added, "But then _I_ won't see too!"

Chris put his hand on his forehead and grumbled, "I don't know how to break it to Tailsmo. And I'm almost an adult, I should know these things."

"WAAAAAH! The Chaos Emerald! The BLUE CHAOS EMERALD!" whined Sonic as he crouched on the floor.

"You can stop your whining, Sonic."

"Oh, but I can't stop because everyone knows the truth!" Sonic began to list, "Tails and Cosmo know, Amy and Cream also know. Even Cheese knows the truth! Oh, except Knuckles. He doesn't know anything."

Later still, Cosmo hurried into the ship hold and ran toward the Hyper Tornado. But then Tails raced into the hold and he cried, "Cosmo! Don't do it!"

"Tails, you have to get out of here. _I_ am the one that must die by Carbon Monoxide, not you." Cosmo stated mournfully.

_Wow. She wants to commit suicide instead of confronting Dark Oak herself._

_Wouldn't _you_?_

…_No!_

"Why do you want to commit suicide?"

"Because I'm responsible for all your problems! I want to do something about it, so the only option is death."

Tails grinned and replied, "If that's how it is, then I'll die with you."

_Sheesh, these kids shouldn't even know _how_ to commit suicide this way!_

"No! It's only because of _my_ hatred and sadness that I gave you problems!" cried Cosmo. "If anyone should die, it should only be me!"

Tails held Cosmo's hands and told her, "Now Cosmo, if there's one thing that hatred and sadness can't destroy, it's-"

"AHA!" Amy cackled from across the room. "There you are!"

"She's after me!" gasped Tails and Cosmo simultaneously. Beside Amy stood Cream, Sonic, and Rouge.

"We had to do _something_ before this place becomes unusable." muttered Sonic. "Cosmo, just a few minutes ago, I would've pursued the carbon monoxide suicide option too. But I didn't. You know why?"

Cream asked, "Because you chickened out at the last minute?"

"Wha- no!"

Amy then said lovingly, "Or was it because you didn't want to leave me?"

"Cream's answer was closer." Sonic continued, "Anyway, I didn't commit suicide because I realized that I'm a hero. It's my job! And the Chaos Emeralds aren't gonna come back to me themselves."

"Don't overdo it, Sonic." cautioned Rouge. But Sonic got up on a random podium and grabbed a microphone.

"In less than an hour, you will be launching the largest space battle in the history of animalkind. 'Animalkind.' That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom…"

"But it's not the Fourth of July." pointed out Tails.

"Quiet! I'm on a roll!" hissed Sonic. He held up his microphone and continued, "Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day Mobius declared in one voice: 'We will not go quietly into the night!' We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!" The crowd was silent. "…Thank you." Amy started clapping wildly, then the others reluctantly applauded too.

_Wow, Sonic is actually becoming the hero he's supposed to be!_

Sonic quickly added, "And once we're done, I'll finally get started on my vacation."

_Never mind._

Knuckles raced into the room and gasped, "There you guys are! I was looking all over for you! Why don't you ever tell me where you're going?"

"Hey Knuckles! We're going back into outer space!" exclaimed Sonic.

Knuckles clenched Sonic's shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

Sonic shrugged. "I try."

Shadow rolled his eyes at the group from afar. "What a bunch of idiots!"

Chris called out, "Their actions might _seem_ idiotic to you, but they are risking their lives to save the galaxy!"

"I said, 'What a bunch of idiots'!"

"Maybe you can come with us, Shadow!"

"I said, 'What a bunch of idiots'!"

Chris reasoned, "If our goals are the same, you can do a lot better if you team up with us!"

Shadow glared at Chris through his hockey mask and growled, "What part of 'What a bunch of idiots' do you not understand?"

"Whaddaya say, partner?"

Shadow held up his chainsaw menacingly and snapped, "If you want my opinion, I say anyone that joins them is an idiot too! And that includes you!" He walked away haughtily, but then a small being crash-landed in front of him. "Hey! Get your existence out of my way!"

Bokkun stammered, "Sh-Shadow! Am I g-g-glad to see you! Eggman's been thrown into prison!"

"Good riddance." hissed Shadow as he continued walking.

"Wait! You must listen to me!" Bokkun chased after Shadow, then quickly turned to the screen. "To prove it, let's see Eggman now!"

_Another reference to this unknown 'screen' confuses me again._

Dr. Eggman's robots clanged against the bars. "Let us out! Or give us dinner at least!" Bocoe demanded.

Decoe shouted, "You didn't read us our rights! You're supposed to say, 'You have the right to remain silent'! No one told me I had the right to remain silent!"

"Remain silent!" growled Pale Bay Leaf. "You were trying to steal all our Metarex information. Fortunately, we saw through the 'God Eggman' act from the beginning. We know what he is, and we know what he is _not_, and he is not a GOD!"

Decoe and Bocoe turned to Eggman, who was sitting down melancholy. Bocoe pretended to be upset and he said, "You're not a god? You _lied_ to us?"

Decoe spat, "How DARE you!"

Eggman snapped, "Hey, it was _my_ stupid plan!" He covered his mouth. "Oops."

"Don't worry, Dr. Eggman. We're still making good use of your technology." snickered Bay Leaf as he tapped his neck. He left the jail cells and added, "By the way, you'll make good scarecrows in our new plantations!"

"NO! Let us out of here!" The robots continue clanging against the bars, then they turned back to Eggman. "Come on Eggman! You're supposed to come up with cool plans! Come on! Where's that superior smirk?" Eggman still frowned. "…Well? Where's the smirk? Please tell us you know what to do!"

Eggman sighed, "For once, I don't know what to do."

Bocoe gasped, "But you always know what to do! So if _you_ don't know what to do, then that leaves _us_ with the brainstorming! But _you_ were the smartest of us, so if _we_ have to brainstorm, than that means _we'd_ be smarter! But we can't be smarter than you!"

"It's a PARADOX!" cried Decoe. The two robots started short-circuiting from thinking too much about the paradox.

Meanwhile, Black Narcissus, now decked in a flashy Southern Colonel outfit, marched into Dark Oak's room and sang, "_You're a, a good tiiiiime cowboy casanova leaning up against the record machiiiiine! Looks like a coooool drink of water, but you're candy-coated miseryyyyy! You're the devil in disguise, a snake with blue eyes! And you only come out at niiiiight! Gives me feelings that I don't want to fight! I better run for my liiiiife!_"

"So why don't you?" grumbled Dark Oak.

"Hey, it's plantation season! Get in the South-western spirit!" jived Narcissus. "See me? This is a _proper_ outfit for looking over our veggie plantations! And even though I'm 'black', I won't be anyone's slave! Unless it's _your_ slave." He winked, even though it can't be seen. Dark Oak still understood the suggestion.

"…Muhuhahaha!" giggled Dark Oak.

"Uh, Colonel Dark Oak? Was that a yes?"

Dark Oak didn't turn around. "Hertia, I don't need your dinner. I've got the finest chefs in the world to make me meals. Much better than your 'homey' suppers." He gazed at his Chaos Emerald collection and snickered, "Finally, I have _all_ the Chaos Emeralds. And there's nothing your stupid daughter can do about it."

"…Is that still a yes?"

Back in the Blue Typhoon-

_Wait, what else is there to tell?_

Tonners sat down in his chair, reminiscing about how he was able to escape the space colony destruction. "Hmm, my memory is quite foggy…"

Suddenly, he heard a gun cock behind him. Tonners turned around to see Calvan holding a pistol. "If I can't marry my way into the deed, then I shall force it out of you." hissed Calvan. Tonners reluctantly got out the space whale hunting deed he was going to destroy and set it on the table. "Now sign it, and you shall live." So Tonners signed the paper and handed it to Calvan.

_Tonners doesn't even put up a fight? What's with everyone's stupidity? I mean, even Calvan could've come up with a more logical plan than holding Tonners at gunpoint!_

"Okay Calvan, you get to hunt the space whales _without_ being married to Cosmo." sighed Tonners.

"Oh, and in case you change your mind…" Calvan grabbed a rope and wrapped it around Tonners and the chair. "With you unable to go anywhere, I shall start my whale hunting business easily! But since someone is likely to come across you soon, the Blue Typhoon must sink… into space. Good thing I have my space shark gang to take care of that!" He cackled wickedly as he stepped around Tonners.

_So let me get this straight; we now have two main plots, one with the Metarex, and the other with Calvan's evil whale-hunting scheme. I'd rather leave Calvan's plot unresolved and just tell me what's with the Metarex._

_I'm sorry! These two must be told together since they become one!_

…_Can we just get this over with?_

* * *

><p><em>Okay, thanks for reading this episode! We're finally getting to the final battle, which will be as hilariously contrived as possible. Meantime, please review!<em>


	23. Commander in MisChief

_The big space battle begins now! Prepare for more references and a crazy musical number!_

Episode 23: Commander in MisChief

Everyone gathered around Bokkun's tiny screen and watched the prerecorded message. Dr. Eggman on the screen cackled, "Hahaha! It is _I_, the Almighty God Eggman! And I need your help!"

"I hate this show. Let's change the channel!" suggested Sonic as he reached for the buttons.

"No! This is important!" Bokkun snapped as he pushed Sonic back toward Amy.

"It turns out that the Metarex are onto me. Probably jealous of my godlike powers. And now they're about to kidnap me! Though I could easily break through any prison they throw me in, I thought I should let you know about their _real_ plan!"

Bocoe on screen cried, "Who are you talking to?"

"No one!" lied Eggman.

"Now's not the time to be on Skype!" Decoe sneered.

"I'm not on Skype!" Dr. Eggman quickly held up a bunch of papers and explained, "The coordinates of their destination were heavily encoded, but I searched through the numbers and found out that the galactic coordinates are 0-0-0!"

"The numbers are the key to everything." mused John Koestler. "The numbers are the coordinates…"

"Oh, you're back to being Jonathan!" Amy remarked.

_So they're finally aware that this guy changes roles until he apparently runs out of roles to choose from?_

_He didn't run out of roles. He just wanted to go back to being the one he was at the beginning of this story!_

Eggman sifted through his pages and added, "I've also found a prophecy in the code: 'When Dawn joins the Twilight Saga, Misty spreads for Ash, and all the shippers of the Earth that sleep will be purified into one ship!'"

The others stared blankly. "…Pokémon and Twilight?"

"I don't get it either. Must be a joke prophecy." muttered Eggman.

_Good. I thought it was just me._

"However! The Metarex seem to know that every 1000 years at that galactic destination, something important happens, which is why they're going there now!" Eggman shooed his robots away and snickered, "But don't go with them! No no no. Much too dangerous. And now, look at my tongue!" He opened his mouth wide and stuck his warty tongue out at the camera.

"EWWWWWW!" groaned the group as they simultaneously covered their eyes.

Bokkun continued, "After he recorded that message, Eggman and his robots were caught by the Metarex Patrol and thrown in Dark Oak's prison. But I escaped because it turns out I'm too young to go to jail."

_So why didn't they put Bokkun in some juvenile detention?_

Cosmo asked, "What do those numbers on the screen mean?"

"WHAAAAAAT?" Bokkun stood on top of his TV bomb and spat, "I just told you the life-threatening situation that my fake family is in, and all you care about is the timer on my TV?"

"Everyone, take cover." warned Tails as he and the others stood away from Bokkun.

"I've traveled all this way to find ya, and you just go 'Duh, what's that number mean?' like an idiot!" ranted Bokkun. "Why I oughta clip your Pikmin buds off your head and-" BOOOOM! "WAAAAAAA-HAAAAAAA! I got a boo-boo."

"Haha! You suck!" taunted Knuckles as he punched Bokkun.

"Knuckles! No need to be mean to Bokkun!" scolded Cream. "It was a good thing he came to us to deliver that useful information!"

"Oh, so _he's_ more useful than _I_ am?" Knuckles questioned frustrated.

"…Yes."

Knuckles clenched Cream's shoulders and shouted in her face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

A while later, the group followed Tails to a large and seemingly empty room. Rouge glared at Tails and sighed, "I hate to break it to you, but there's nothing here."

"That's what it _looks_ like!" replied Tails before he pressed a secret button on his wristwatch. Several controls and computer monitors extended from the walls and floors. "This is the 2nd control room I built, just in case the first one was destroyed. Which it was. By a smoke monster."

Sonic gawked at the control room. "You never told me you had another control room? WHY?"

Tails giggled, "Because it was easier to trick you into the cannon if you thought there was only one control room."

Chris got into the main control seat and put his key in the ignition. "Yes, these controls work just as well!" The Blue Typhoon started ascending and then it took off into the atmosphere.

Rouge glanced at the top monitor and she gasped, "We forgot about Shadow!"

Shadow glared at the Blue Typhoon from the ground, still wearing his hockey mask. "I don't believe it! They left without me! True, I did say I didn't want to be part of their stupid plan, but I still needed a ride!"

Sonic snickered at the footage and remarked, "Ah, let's leave him behind. We can defeat Dark Oak without him! That's how ultimate we _truly_ are!"

Cream asked Chris slyly, "You're not worried about Shadow, are you?"

"Wha- Of course not!" denied Chris.

"Okay… because the rest of us are!" she exclaimed.

"Who cares about him? We're going to chop Dark Oak into woodchips!" declared Sonic.

Knuckles put his arms around Cosmo and told Sonic, "Hey! Not in front of Cosmo! She's frail."

Cosmo removed Knuckles' arms and said, "Don't worry! I'm safe with Tails protecting me!"

"B-but!" stammered Knuckles.

Rouge chuckled, "Oh, you're becoming Mister Attentive, are you? You even _touched_ Cosmo!"

"N-no I didn't!"

"Oh yeah?" challenged Sonic. "Then who did you just put your arms around so lovingly then?"

"Whom!" corrected Knuckles angrily. "And you used 'then' twice!" Everyone else laughed like the end of episode 10 like the end of a cheesy cartoon. "Stop it! That's not funny! …Why aren't you stopping?"

Tails then noticed Cosmo was leaving the room. "Hey Cosmo! Are you being emo again? Don't worry about Shadow; he'll survive!"

"If I stay with you any longer, you'll still have problems."

"We've been through this already; we'll overcome any problem!" Tails then added bashfully, "Besides, when all this is over, I want you to live with me- I mean, with _us_ on our planet!"

Cosmo turned around and asked, "You'd really want that?"

"Sure! I don't want you living with your step-family anymore!" answered Tails. "You could stay with us! I know my nanny would like you!"

…_OF COURSE! She's her MOTHER!_

Later, the group reassembled in the second control room. Cosmo gazed at everyone's serious faces and smiled. _You in here, Dark Oak? Cause I'm totally faithful now! Oh yeah! You scared, huh? I've got news for you! Everyone here can take down your forces, cause they're all skilled! Well, Knuckles less so. But Tails is the best! And he's soooo cute!_

_Why is Cosmo a bit out of character in her thoughts?_

_That's what a step-family can do to you!_

Tails smiled at Cosmo, and his tails started wagging again. "Not now, boys." he hissed.

In Dark Oak's ship, the Metarex leader tore down his wall to reveal his secret, giant tree. "I'm not intimidated by my daughter's telepathic messages! I've got a big scary tree!"

On the Blue Typhoon, the team looked out into space and saw flashing lights. "It looks like they're having a celebration." remarked Amy. Soon a lot of Metarex war ships soared toward them.

"Look at all those Dark Oak's ships!" Cream gasped, not realizing her poor grammar.

Sonic tapped Chris' shoulder and replied, "Chris will take care of them!"

"What?" Chris looked forward and saw a large fleet of ships. He shuddered and spoke, "Uh… target Dark Oak's ship! Then everything else will be much easier."

"Good, 'cause I want this battle done as soon as possible." said Sonic as he sat in his seat to take a nap.

Dark Oak was contacted by the other kings through Skype. Colonel Narcissus cackled, "Yee-haw! This is the hottest hootenanny we've been waiting for!"

Bay Leaf asked, "So what is our first move?"

Dark Oak responded, "Simple. You fight them together." He pressed a button and the two Kings were ejected from their ships.

"YOOOOWWWWWW!" wailed Narcissus. "Can't breathe! Can't breathe!"

"Calm down! Remember, our space is different." Bay Leaf reminded him as he got out two swords.

"Oh yeah! So I can get myself ready!" Narcissus mused as he took out a pocket mirror and started applying make-up.

_Make-up… on metal?_

Tails watched the Metarex Kings arrive and he commanded, "Sonic squadron go! …That means you have to fight them."

"Fine." grumbled Sonic as he reluctantly followed Chris, Bokkun, Amy and Cream.

Knuckles started following the group also, but Tails pulled him back. "Not you, Knuckles!"

"Huh? But what do _I_ get to do?" asked Knuckles whiningly.

Tails pondered for a moment. "Uh… you get to… polish the laser cannons!"

"Okay captain! I'm going!" Knuckles hurried out the room, but he paused to grab a towel. "Almost forgot about my lucky towel." Then he left.

In the elevator shaft, the Hyper Tornado carried Chris, Bokkun, and Sonic up with Amy and Cream in their ships. Sonic snickered, "It's party time!"

Knuckles rapped on the intercom, "_Party time! It's party time! Everybody's feelin' fine 'cause it's party time!_"

"Knuckles, stop playing with the intercom. I just gave you a job." ordered Tails.

"Okay…" groaned Knuckles as he walked up to the laser cannons.

Sonic grabbed his Power Ring and spin-dashed toward Pale Bay Leaf. The Metarex threw his swords at Sonic, but they didn't affect Sonic. "Noo! I wasted my swords!" whined Bay Leaf.

"Yeah, nice thinking there." snarked Sonic as he charged toward Bay Leaf's head.

"Oh no you don't!" he snapped as he poked Sonic, making him bounce away. "And look what else I can do!" Bay Leaf held up his hands and more swords appeared.

"You can regenerate swords? No fair!" Bokkun growled.

"Bokkun, why don't you help Sonic?" asked Chris.

"Why don't _you_?" Bokkun retorted.

"Because I have to be in here!" Chris responded.

"…Why don't _you_?"

Tails stared at the kings and he commanded, "Use the laser cannons! We haven't used them in a while." The laser cannons extended from the top and fired at Black Narcissus (while Knuckles was still polishing them).

"Ouch ouch! Too hot!" Knuckles retracted his hands and blew them quickly.

"Wait! I still have to look pretty!" Narcissus said while he continued to powder his face. The lasers bounced off the back of Narcissus' pocket mirror and headed back to the cannons.

"There, all done polishing!" said Knuckles happily as he admired his work from on top of them. BOOOOM! "WAAAAAAAA!" he wailed as he fell off. "All my work! RUINED!"

Tails stared shocked at the destroyed cannons. "…Aw, and those cannons were three days from retirement."

"My good work… for nothing!" whined Knuckles as he mourned the cannon parts.

Tails turned to Rouge and ordered, "Head to the takeoff decks!"

"Okay!" Rouge hurried past Knuckles and toward the takeoff decks.

"Wait! I wanna help too!" cried Knuckles as he chased Rouge.

Black Narcissus landed on the Blue Typhoon and adjusted his colonel clothes. He examined himself in his mirror and asked himself, "Now which side of my face should I fight with? My left or my right? …Wait a second, I'm handsome from _all_ angles!"

Back with Shadow, he still gazed at the blue sky. "…Guess they're not coming back." Shadow turned around and walked away. "Hmm, I've got all the time in the world now! I can just chop down all these boring trees! They're becoming an eyesore." He picked up his chainsaw and started revving it as he walked toward one tree.

"Hey there!" said a friendly voice. Shadow quickly turned around and pointed his chainsaw at Vector. "Hey! Easy there! Friend!"

Shadow lowered his chainsaw and asked, "Who are you? And how'd you get here?"

"I'm the great detective Vector, and I came here because something _really_ creepy started happening with my HAL autopilot!" answered Vector. "See, we finally got enough money from our bar, so we took off and I asked Hal for directions, but Espio was like 'No, we still can't trust him!' and then HAL started calling everyone 'Dave' for some reason. And then I'm like 'Dave's not here man!' but then Cheech and Chong showed up and tried teaching me how to properly use that joke, and then Charmy was like 'Sing Daisy!' and Espio was like 'I'll just disconnect Hal now' and I am like 'But he's my friend!' and he's like 'Friends don't kill friends' and-"

"SHUT UP!" snapped Shadow as he revved his chainsaw.

"Shutting up!" said Vector as he put up his hands. "In the end, Cheech and Chong left and we got lost without Hal. Poor computer…" He smiled and added, "On the bright side, we got a GLaDOS GPS!"

"You'll never learn!" shouted Espio in frustration from the ship. "AI is a crapshoot!"

"Hey Esp! I was just talking to my good friend here and he looks like he needs a ride!" called Vector.

"…Vector, he is wearing a hockey mask."

"So?"

"And he's holding a _chainsaw_."

"Maybe he can't afford a toolbox!" reasoned Vector. He led Shadow inside the ship and told him, "Now then, we're taking this guy to wherever he needs to go. Because I need to tell Vanilla about my generosity!"

Charmy exclaimed, "Cool! We picked up a Dracula!"

Shadow pointed his chainsaw at Charmy and hissed, "Call me that again, and I _might_ drink your blood after all."

"Really? Sweet!"

Espio mumbled, "Let's just go now. And please Vector, _don't_ use the GLaDOS GPS."

Back on the Blue Typhoon, Rouge noticed Knuckles was following her. "Stop following me!"

"But I can be better than Shadow!" he cried as he continued chasing her. The two saw Black Narcissus still looking at his face.

"Stop looking at yourself!" Rouge sneered. "We've been circling you for three minutes already, and you still haven't attacked!"

Narcissus rebuked, "But you don't know how hard it is to look this good all the time! 'Cause you're ugly!"

"SCREW YOU!" Rouge shouted as she screw-kicked his mirror out of Narcissus' hands, making it shatter on the ground.

"NOOO! That was my personal Colonel mirror!" cried Narcissus. "Good thing I have _more_ mirrors!" He then knocked Rouge off into the distance.

"OMG! NOOO! SOMEONE DO SOMETHING!" Knuckles cried in panic. "…Wait, I can just do this!" He got out his Shovel Claws and swiped at Narcissus while meowing. "Rrowr! I'm doing this because I wanna be useful! Not because I like Rouge! MEOW!"

_And why was he meowing? I know there are more important things to point out, but still…_

Meanwhile, Pale Bay Leaf continued poking Sonic. "Poke poke poke! This is a fun battle!" He grabbed Sonic and threw him away like a baseball.

"NOT AGAAAAAAIIN!" wailed Sonic as he floated away.

"I'll save you Sonic!" Chris piloted the Hyper Tornado in front of Sonic and caught him.

"Don't touch Sonic! Only _I_ can!" Amy shouted as she fired lots of missiles. They all homed in on the Hyper Tornado and made pieces of it explode.

"Hey! Watch it! I'm on _your_ side!" cried Chris.

"But only _I_ should save Sonic!" spat Amy.

Back in the jail cell, Dr. Eggman still sat melancholy. "…Wait! I have a plan!" He got up and told his robots, "Stand aside!" Eggman walked toward the cell bars, and then he grabbed them and screamed, "HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLP!"

As Eggman continued crying for help, Decoe whispered to Bocoe, "The doctor seems to be acting a bit strange."

"Yeah. But at least he's doing something." mused Bocoe.

Meanwhile, the Chaotix ship came out of a warp and arrived at the scene. GLaDOS spoke, "You have arrived at your destination. Congratulations. Please remain in your vehicle, assume the Party Escort Submission Position, and cake will be delivered shortly. Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science Enrichment activity."

"Party Escort Submission Position?" asked Vector.

"Don't do it!" Espio shouted desperately.

"I have no time for cake." Shadow said as he walked to the front.

"Thank you for being a good passenger!" Vector said cheerfully. "For being a good boy on this trip, we're giving you a discount!" Shadow started glaring at Vector.

"I get _all_ my rides for free."

"Okay, it's free! Just for today!" Vector whispered to his co-workers, "Our passenger feels like an important person."

Shadow snapped, "I _AM_ an important person!" He grabbed the wheel and snickered, "Let's see if this baby can make any forced landings!"

"NOOOOOOO!" the Chaotix cried. Shadow steered the Chaotix ship toward Dark Oak's ship and squeezed in between the 'scales', destroying the Chaotix office in the process.

"Now look at what you've done!" snapped Vector as he and the others stared at the damage. "GLaDOS was in there! And I didn't get to use her enough to replace Hal!"

_So GLaDOS only ends up speaking one line of dialogue. Kind of a waste of a popular character._

"I say it's a good thing GLaDOS is gone." Epsio said. "Or else she might've poisoned us with neurotoxin."

"She might be STILL ALIVE!" declared Vector as he went to the ship, but the others pulled him back. "Aw, come on! I wanna hear her sultry voice!"

"Now now, how would _Vanilla_ feel?" Charmy challenged.

Vector shuddered and hissed, "You make a good point, Charmy. A good, soul-crushing point."

"This is boring. I'm getting outta here." Shadow turned around and marched toward the wall.

"Hey wait! There's a wall there!" called Vector.

Shadow turned to Vector, glaring through his hockey mask. "Is there?" He glared back at the wall, and soon it exploded. Shadow walked through the hole calmly.

"Whoa… he just did that by _glaring_." gasped Vector. "Hey! Come back! You need to teach me how to do that!"

"Yeah! Me too!" called Charmy as he followed Vector hurrying after Shadow.

Espio grumbled, "Just what I need. A lesson from a 'Dracula'. …Well, better make sure they don't, you know, _die_." He chased after the two as well.

Dr. Eggman croaked, "Heeelp! Help! ACK! Oh, my throat's getting sore. Good thing I have a remote control button on my nipple."

_WHAAAAAAAAAT?_

Eggman pressed his… button, and Bokkun's eyes got warning sirens inside them. "Whoaaa, what the heck's going on?"

"Sounds like Eggman's in trouble." figured Chris. "I'll go save him and you stay with Amy, Sonic!"

"Wha- Save Eggman? Amy?" Before Sonic could object, Chris tilted the Hyper Tornado and made Sonic fall on top of Amy's ship.

"Come on, sweetie! Let's show them the power of love!" Amy said excitedly.

"Uh, I don't think the power of love is enough." mumbled Sonic. "We may need some help." Just then, Mario and the Lumas on their Mario-head spaceship arrived at the scene.

Dark Oak raised an eyebrow internally and he growled, "What is that idiotic head that calls itself a vessel?" He pressed a button, making his ship fire missiles at the Mario ship. It's engines blowed up and the ship spiralled straight into a black hole.

"WAAA-hoo-hoo-hooooo!" wailed Mario before he plunged into the hole.

_Wait a second, why don't the others just push the Metarex into that black hole too?_

_That would be fighting dirty, and the Metarex would be _expecting_ that!_

"Okay, how about someone more _competent_?" growled Sonic. As if on cue, several Star Fox fighters arrived and shot at the Metarex ships.

"Grand Peppy!" cried Cream in delight.

"Oh boy." Sonic muttered as he covered his eyes in exasperation.

_So Cream is related to Peppy Hare? What other shocking relationships are there? Is Tails related to Fox McCloud? Is Slippy the distant cousin of Froggy? …That's all I got._

"Do a barrel roll!" ordered Peppy as the ships dodged several lasers. "Slippy! Get back here! Fox, you cover Slippy!"

Knuckles whined, "Is there anything _I_ get to do?"

"You can still help me take down this gay colonel!" spat Rouge as she continued screw-kicking Narcissus.

"Now I say, girl! You're attacking on the plantation proper-TAY!" Narcissus snapped as he tried reaching for his glittery whip.

At the same time, Shadow gleefully sawed through the Metarex, making them explode on cut. "Ha-hahaha! Disemboweling robots is fun when you pretend to be in a slasher film!"

Espio saw groups of Metarex charging at him. "Now is the time to redeem myself from my past failure." He took out a samurai sword and sliced his way through the hordes of Metarex. "I don't need glaring explosions! I've got NINJA POWER!"

Vector whispered to Charmy, "That's not the _only_ power he has, heheheh."

"I don't get it."

"Uh, you make up the punchline!"

Back in Eggman's jail cell, he still clutched the bars and moaned hoarsely, "Help me. Help, anybody." Chris then came into view, wearing his space suit. "Ha ha ha. Forgot about rescue. That stupid suit made my day."

"…Are you being sarcastic, or is your throat sore?"

"Why would I be sarcastic about your stupid suit?" wheezed Eggman. "Besides, you don't even need it here. Look at me, I am wearing my mortal clothes and I'm still fine. Sans the throat."

Chris looked at Eggman confused. "Er, yeah. I'm just going to free you now."

"Oh no you don't!" declared Bocoe and Decoe. "We've been waiting for _eight_ episodes to relive our 10 seconds of useful mode!" They started transforming into one bazooka, and they blasted the bars open.

"AAAAH! You almost killed me!" Chris said as he brushed the pieces off him. He then added under his breath, "What Knuckles would _do_ for that kind of usefulness…"

Bocoe remarked, "We actually could've got out _long_ before!"

"But Eggman was smart; everyone else underestimated him!" added Decoe.

Eggman taunted breathily, "Admit it Chris. We got you good."

"…So why didn't you just _save_ your voice and escape yourselves?" questioned Chris.

"Uhhh…" the robots and doctor went as they pondered.

"…Look. I'm doing something." croaked Eggman excitedly as he pushed random buttons. The Metarex and several rooms started exploding, clearing the way. "See what happens when I _push their buttons_?"

"LOLOLOLOL!" Decoe and Bocoe chittered.

_It wasn't that funny._

Narcissus fought off several Star Fox missiles, then Cream shouted, "Hey loser!" Narcissus shot a glare at Cream's ship. "Ha ha, you looked!" She shot missiles at his face.

"AAAH! My precious face! You ruined my make-up!" cried Narcissus. "Ugh! And you tarnished my good Colonel clothes! Dagnabbit!"

Knuckles told Rouge, "Give me your hand."

"Now Knuckles! It's a bit _early_ to propose to me!" Rouge pointed out snidely. "Besides, I already told you, I love Shadow!"

"WHY YOU-" Knuckles grabbed Rouge and swung her in a circle before launching her at Black Narcissus.

"SCREW YOOOOUUU!" she shouted as she screw-kicked Narcissus, making him crash into Pale Bay Leaf awkwardly.

"AAAH! This isn't what it looks like!" Bay Leaf yelped as he struggled to push Narcissus off.

"Come on, you like it!" cooed Narcissus as he nudged closer.

"NOOOOO!" cried Bay Leaf as the two of them floated away slowly.

Knuckles turned to a black lens on the wall and he shouted, "Ha! I was accidentally useful! Take that, HAL! …Oh yeah, he's gone. …Free at last?"

Shadow grabbed a Metarex head up to his mask and he hissed, "Talk! Where's Dark Oak?"

"How should I know? I'm just the janitor!" whimpered the head. Just then, more Metarex soldiers surrounded Shadow.

"Never mind." he said as he threw the head backwards, making it explode. "Chainsaw time!"

Meanwhile, Dark Oak glared at the battle. "This is going a bit… slow. Soldiers, do something!"

"Uh, okay!" A Dalekabutops hurriedly pressed the first button he saw. Parts of Dark Oak's ship hull started crumbling into discrete cubes.

"What are you doing? You are supposed to take care of that hedgehog!" snapped Dark Oak.

"You just told us to do _something_!" the soldier cried.

The floor underneath Eggman started rumbling. "Oh no. Run for it Chris. Everyone run for it."

Chris strained his ears and he asked, "Uh, what did you say? Speak up!" Before Eggman could repeat, the floor collapsed, making them fall toward the Chaotix. "Aaaaah- oof!" Chris landed right on top of Espio.

"Ha ha!" cackled Vector right before Eggman landed on him. "OWCH! So much fat!"

Meanwhile, Calvan hurried across the Blue Typhoon and to the back.

_Oh yeah, you just _had_ to tell me _both_ plots at the same time._

"Shark gang! I've signed the deed! But we need to get this ship down tonight!" Calvan paused to duck under fighter bullets. "I repeat! The Blue Typhoon must sink before universal midnight!"

_And how could it sink in space? It's not like there's a sense of universal gravity too._

The leader shark replied, "Okay Baron! Consider it done!" He and the others swam away to carry out their plan.

"Please hurry! I think something important is happening!" Calvan said as he looked back to the Metarex.

_Yes, _please_ tell me the important stuff!_

Shadow cornered a group of Metarex soldiers. "Heh heh heh heh hehhh…" snickered Shadow devilishly as he held up his chainsaw. But suddenly, the section of floor he was on started floating away. "What? Nooo! I bet I can make that!" He examined the growing gap between him and the Metarex. "…I'm ULTIMAAAAATE!" Shadow leaped off the cube, but then found himself floating aimlessly in midspace. He then threw his chainsaw like a boomerang, but all it did was spin in place. "…This sucks." grumbled Shadow as he took off his hockey mask and tossed it away.

Dark Oak's ship disassembled until it revealed a giant scary tree. The leader stood proudly in front of it, then the other two kings hurried at his side. Dark Oak glared at them suspiciously, since he saw them in their awkward position earlier.

Sonic rode on Amy's wing and he declared, "Ha-ha-ha! Hello, boys! I'm back!"

"So, we meet again, Sonic the Hedgehog. For the last time!"

"Hey, you said a similar thing back when we first met!"

Dark Oak groaned, "Of course I did! I'm doing it for dramatic effect, since you couldn't defeat me the first time!"

"I wanted to defeat you the _second_ time, but you turned out to be a hologram!"

"Because the season shouldn't end then!" Dark Oak spread out his arms, showing off his 'armpit hair'.

"Ahh! Look away!" Sonic shielded his eyes.

Tails checked his readings and he noted, "There seems to be an abnormal distortion in the space-time fabric that is the foundation of the galactic coordinates!"

Cosmo stared at Tails confused. "English?"

"Something really bad is about to happen!"

Dark Oak shouted, "Behold, the CGI effects!" On each side of Dark Oak, a starry warp appeared, bringing lights that got brighter and brighter.

"Oh good, I will be blind enough to not notice your armpit hair."

Soon, right where the giant tree was, a massive planet of water appeared, and right in the centre was another Planet Egg. Cosmo gasped, "A Planet Egg! I've never seen one that was actually _egg_-shaped before!"

"Uh, it's _not_." pointed out Tails as he saw the Planet Egg get iMovie warpy.

At the same time, Dr. Eggman grabbed a lozenge from what remained in the Chaotix ship. "Ah, that's better." he sighed after he swallowed it. "Now what's happening? Oh no! The big important event the Metarex were waiting for happened!"

"What's happening?" asked Espio.

"Something wonderful." mused Eggman.

"WHAAAT?"

_Oh, so now Eggman went into the Monolith._

"Every thousand years, the dimensions cross at this point, and thus we have a planet from an entirely different universe! What an astronomical discovery!"

"This must be what the Metarex were waiting for all this time!" gasped Chris. "Sonic, it's time to take him out!"

"Good! Our rematch has finally arrived!" Sonic declared as he jumped off Amy's ship and spin-dashed toward Dark Oak.

Shadow observed Sonic heading to the Metarex. "I must stop him from getting all the credit!" He charged after Sonic determinedly.

"Foolish animals. You can't stop our plantation progress!" Dark Oak spread out his arms and the Chaos Emeralds and Planet Egg shone a bright light that made the hedgehogs bounce off.

"AAAH! I can't see!" Sonic cried as he covered his eyes before landing on the Hyper Tornado. "How am I to stop your lightsaber without sight?"

_Either become Super Sonic or use the force. Since the bar has been set so low already, I wouldn't care if Sonic tried using the force._

"How could this be?" gasped Shadow. "I'm supposed to break through _everything_!" Shadow was launched backward until Amy's ship caught him.

"SONNIKU!" squealed Amy. "Oh wait, it's Shadow. Eh, he's still hot."

Pale Bay Leaf began, "The Planet Egg provides water…"

"And the Chaos Emeralds provide light to shine on our beautiful plant faces!" continued Black Narcissus.

Dark Oak declared, "Combined, these items give us the energy needed to make our vegetation plantations all over the universe thrive!"

"Wait, don't you also need _air_?" pointed out Tails. "Because you if you're putting these plantations all over space, then the plants aren't going to survive without air."

Pale Bay Leaf stated, "I'll say it again: our space is different."

Black Narcissus snickered, "So leave us be and we shall get started on our plantation! Yahoo!"

Dark Oak shouted, "Once we prevail, animals shall die off and plants shall rule the universe!"

"Wow, you're the ultimate tree-huggers." remarked Sonic.

Dark Oak said slyly, "Oh, we've done more than hug trees…"

"EWWWWWWW!" Soon, the giant tree's roots spread throughout the water planet.

Dark Oak sighed, "I've waited a thousand years for this… All those years were awfully boring." The three Metarex stood proudly and Dark Oak shouted, "Now, if you wish to stop us, you must defeat us in our ultimate form: the-"

"Wait wait wait, hold up." interrupted Sonic. "_Ultimate form_? What, no lightsaber battle? I mean, you had that lightsaber from the beginning, and you're not even going to _use_ it?"

"Considering how long this episode is already, I shall not drag it on." muttered Dark Oak.

Sonic moaned disappointingly, "Aww man! I was ready to use the force, Luke!"

"How'd you know my name?"

"What name?"

"NEVER MIND!" The three Metarex metal armour pieces started crumbling.

Bay Leaf cackled, "At last, I shall not worry about my head, since my _real_ head is firmly attached!"

Narcissus gawked at his crumbling clothes and whimpered, "What? No more Colonel? No more fancy clothes?" Then the armour finally broke off all the Metarex, revealing them as large mutated plant root beasts.

"Yuck! You're uglier _without_ your armour!" Sonic spat. "See, this is what you get for being in a space suit for a thousand years."

"We get better!" Dark Oak's roots combined with his comrades', making Black Narcissus giggle creepily. The monsters extended several roots, destroying their own Metarex ships in the process (and the Crimson Egg). A light that could be seen from all over the universe grew brighter, blinding everyone in the world for a brief moment.

_If that was true, then why don't _I_ recall being blind for a brief moment?_

_You must've been asleep._

Once the light cleared, there was now a single plant-dragon, consisting of three heads that represented each Metarex leader. The Narcissus head gazed at the Dark Oak head and slyly told him, "Well, I've always wanted to be _closer_ to you guys…"

"Shut it!" snapped the Bay Leaf head. "Remember, our heads and necks may be different, but the rest _isn't_."

Dark Oak's head raised and he suspiciously growled, "Alright, who's controlling my tail? I'm the king! I'm supposed to call dibs on the tail!"

Dr. Eggman gasped, "Their plantation project has just begun…"

"We must stop that monster!" cried Cosmo.

"Quick! Use all of our remaining weapons!" Tails ordered. One ship fired a single little missile, which the heads easily dodged. "That's it. We're doomed."

Sonic and Shadow leaped off their ships and charged at the dragon. But then it raised a bunch of roots to block them. "Oh why did I throw away my chainsaw?" grumbled Shadow as he tried crawling his way through.

"See ya, chump!" Sonic spin-dashed through the roots and glomped Dark Oak's head.

"Get off!"

"Hey! I just wanna hug!" cooed Sonic as he tried snuggling it.

"Enough." Dark Oak threw Sonic off, making him land on the Blue Typhoon. "I will not kill you if you accept this fate and join the plant kingdom. Of course, it's going to be quite difficult if you're not a plant at all…"

"Wait! I can be a plant!" Sonic laid on his back and opened and closed his arms and legs to a slow beat. "Phoootosynthesis! Phooootosynthesis!"

Dark Oak glared at Sonic unimpressed. "I find that offensive and inappropriate. You obviously can't join our forest realm."

Sonic got up and spat, "Shadow's right! A bunch of trees is boring!" All three dragon heads gasped loudly.

Narcissus head whimpered, then cried on Bay Leaf's shoulder. Bay Leaf mumbled, "We're never gonna conquer the universe at this rate."

Hard piano music started playing, and Sonic growled, "Every planet in the galaxy, thousands of trees everywhere! That's what you had in mind all along, isn't it?"

Dark Oak sneered, "Nooo sh*t, Sherlock!"

_Er, yeah, I thought they already established this._

"We're not talking about one hungry plant. We're talking about world conquest!"

Dark Oak added, "And I wanna thaaaaaaaaank you!"

"You're not gonna get away with this. Your kind never does!" Sonic declared.

"HehahaHAHAHA!"

"I don't care what it takes. Only one of us gets outta here alive!" Sonic went to charge after Dark Oak, but he stopped the hedgehog with a root. Then the music intensified and Dark Oak started singing.

_Oh no._

"_Better wait a minute, Ya better hold the phone! Better mind your manners! Better change your tone!_" Dark Oak tripped Sonic and continued singing in his face, "_Don't you threaten me, son. Ya gotta lot of gall! We gonna do things my way, Or we won't do things at aaaaall!_" His roots started breaking out of him, and the other heads started scatting with him.

"Baaaaaa, baaaaaaa, baaaaaa, BAAAAAA!"

"_Ya don't know what you're messin' with. You got no idea! You don't know what you're lookin' at, When you're lookin' here! Ya don't know what you're up against, No, no way, no how! You don't know what you're messin' with, But I'm gonna tell you now!_"

"AAAAAH!" Sonic hurried across the deck, desperately looking for a weapon.

"_Get this straight! I'm just a mean dark daddy, from outer space and I'm baaaad!_"

Sonic breathed, "Outer space?"

_Why is Sonic suddenly an idiot?_

The other heads chimed, "Mean! Dark! Bad!"

"_I'm just a mean dark daddy, from outer space, And it looks like you been haaaad! I'm just a mean dark daddy, from outer space, So get off my back 'n get out my face, 'Cause I'm mean and dark! And I am baaaad!_"

Sonic ran inside the ship and shut the door. "Phew, can't hear him here." CRASH!

Dark Oak's head busted inside and he sang, "_Wanna save your skin, boy? You wanna save your hide? You wanna see tomorrow? You better step aside! Better take a tip, boy, Want some good advice? You better take it easy, 'Cause you're walkin' on thin ice!_" Sonic ran away from Dark Oak's jaws and roots as they started destroying parts of the Blue Typhoon. "_Ya don't know what you're dealin' with, No, you never diiid! Ya don't know what you're lookin' at, But that's tough titty, kid!_"

"Ew! You said a bad word uncensored!" spat Sonic as he dodged more vines.

"_The lion don't sleep tonight, And if you pull his tail, he roars! Ya say, 'That ain't fair?' Ya say, 'That ain't nice?' Ya know what I say? 'Up yours!'_"

"Okay that's it. I'm going to fight you dirty!" Sonic charged at Dark Oak, but he got caught in his roots. They pulled Sonic out of the burning Blue Typhoon and moved him closer to Dark Oak's singing.

"_Here it comes! I'm just a mean dark daddy, from outer space, and I'm bad! I'm just a mean dark daddy, a real hard case! You can't beat this trouble, man! I'm just a mean dark daddy, from outer space, So just beam him up, It's all over, ace! I'm mean and dark!_" Dark Oak's roots around Sonic started gushing water. "_And I! Am! BAD!_" Underneath Sonic, a geyser burst him up high.

"AAAH! I've got water up my GBLRBLR!" Sonic was pushed further and further toward Dark Oak's mouth.

"AhahaHA! Bye bye, Sonic!" cackled Dark Oak before he swallowed Sonic. "Ha ha HA! HAHAHAHA!"

"SOOOONIIIIIC!" wailed Amy desperately.

"NOOOO! Yuckyuckyuckyuckyuck!" Sonic was pushed through the dragon's digestive system, until he was finally excreted into the planet of water.

* * *

><p><em>Well, it looks like I saved the best of the worst for last again. Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed this long chapter and please review! I'll see you… in over a week.<em>


	24. In the Dark of the Light

_Thanks for waiting over a week for this! Now that the break is over, I can give you what happened after Sonic became part of Dark Oak's excrement._

Episode 24: In the Dark of the Light

Amy leaped toward Dark Oak and screamed, "SOONIIIIC! I'm gonna marry you if it's the LAST THING I DO!" Rouge pulled Amy back before she could do anything stupid.

"Now Amy, you must accept Sonic's fate." she told her calmly. "There are plenty of other hedgehogs. Just stay away from Shadow."

"Shadow's hot, but SONIC IS BETTER!" Amy tried squirming away, but Rouge shrugged and she dropped her on to Cream's ship. "Cream, take down Dark Oak!"

"I'm sorry, but Rouge is right. We must accept Sonic's death." Cream piloted the ship back to the Blue Typhoon, with Amy protesting all the way. "Don't worry. Sonic tried to save everyone by defeating the singing monster before getting eaten. …Okay, that makes it sadder."

From the Blue Typhoon, Tails and Cosmo watched the heads dance around to party music. "…What are they doing?" Just then, Chris and Knuckles hurried into the control room. "Chris, what's up?"

Knuckles grumbled, "What, no 'Knuckles, you're all right'?"

Chris sighed, "We're really sorry. If we were with Sonic, he wouldn't have been eaten and the Blue Typhoon wouldn't be burning now."

_And who's taking care of the passengers?_

Cosmo assured them, "Sonic will make it out alive. That's why I was told to tell him 'Sonic barada nikto'. Because he's supposed to be an awesome hero."

"What about me?" questioned Knuckles.

"You're just the comic relief character." answered Cosmo. "You're not awesome." Knuckles whimpered, but before he could break down in tears, a large rumbling shook the Blue Typhoon.

"Don't be alarmed!" called Eggman's voice. "I've just landed my Crimson Egg on top of your cruise ship!"

Tails looked out the window and saw the Crimson Egg attached to the back of the Blue Typhoon. "Now it looks like my ship has a tumour."

"Is that supposed to be an insult?" spat Eggman.

The Chaotix walked over to Amy, Rouge and Cream. Vector spoke up, "This is kind of unrelated, but we're hungry. Got anything to eat?"

"We're kind of in the middle of a battle." Rouge pointed out matter-of-factly.

_Not to mention all the passengers that are in trouble because of the fire and destruction._

Dr. Eggman added, "We need to act quickly. These horrible plants are spreading fast enough to reach _our_ planet!"

Vector gasped, "No! Vanilla is in danger!" The others glared at him awkwardly. "…Oh, and all those other poor people too."

Cosmo stared at Dark Oak and she wondered, _Does Dark Oak hate every species in the universe? Or does he just want revenge for not getting dinner?_

Just then, the Star Fox crew returned to the space battle. Fox stated, "I'll do my best. Dark Oak won't have his way with me." He fired several shots at the dragon.

Falco soared toward another head. "Hold still and lemme shoot you."

Dark Oak sneered, "I've been waiting for you, Star Fox. You know that _I_ control the galaxy. It's foolish to come against _me_. You will die just like your father." He started snapping at Fox's ship.

"The enemy's coming from behind!" cried Peppy.

"Don't forget me!" Slippy shouted as he soared toward Dark Oak.

"This is horrible." muttered Falco as Fox's ship started taking damage. Dark Oak bashed Fox's ship once more until it spiralled in a burning mess.

"Aaaaahhh!" Fox screamed before his ship exploded.

"No!" the others cried mournfully.

_Can we get back to the ones we _care_ about?_

_You dare not care about the Star Fox crew?_

_I didn't come to hear about _them_. Besides, I know Fox is fine. I noticed him on TV a week ago._

Everyone gathered in the Blue Typhoon control room, watching the remaining Star Fox crew try to fight Dark Oak. Eggman was on screen, safely inside his Crimson Egg. Chris figured, "If Dark Oak stops moving for a moment, we can stop him."

"I say we sing him a lullaby to make him fall asleep!" suggested Charmy.

"No!" snapped Espio. "Your ideas are as bad as Vector's!"

Eggman spoke, "Dark Oak really didn't want to take chances. He used the energy of the Chaos Emeralds and Planet Eggs to turn himself into a powerhouse. Why didn't _I_ think of that?"

Knuckles pondered very thoughtfully. "Hmm, we still have the Master Emerald… I've got it! We can use the Master Emerald's energy to counter Dark Oak's energy!"

"Knuckles, that's a brilliant idea!" gasped Tails.

"You might've just saved us all!" Amy squealed.

Chris mused, "Wow, even _I_ couldn't come up with that! And I'm supposed to be the smart one!"

Rouge embraced Knuckles and she said, "You _are_ better than Shadow!" Knuckles grinned proudly…

*End Knuckle's Fantasy*

_WHAT? It was _just_ his imagination? Wha- you couldn't even tell me _beforehand_ that he started a fantasy?_

Knuckles snapped back to reality and he spoke up, "We still have the Master Emerald. We can use the Master Emerald's energy to counter Dark Oak's energy!"

Tails flatly said, "Knuckles, that's a stupid idea."

Knuckles was taken aback. "Huh? But-"

"You could've killed us all!" Amy groaned.

"Wow, even _Big_ could come up with a better idea." Chris added. "And he's supposed to be the dumb one!"

"No! If you'd just-"

Rouge spat, "This is why Shadow's better than you."

"NOOOOO!" whined Knuckles.

"Alright, who has a better idea?" asked Tails.

Dr. Eggman pondered thoughtfully, and he gasped, "I know! Let's use the Master Emerald. It should have enough energy to counter-balance Dark Oak's energy!"

"Wow Eggman, you actually helped us!" gasped Tails.

Knuckles gawked chokingly. "But I just said that!"

"Now Knuckles, don't be jealous." Tails said firmly.

"But that was _my_ idea! He just stole it!" Knuckles stammered.

_He actually has a point. Why would they follow Eggman's idea while refusing Knuckles' if they're the exact same plan?_

Tails continued, "We can direct the Master Emerald energy to the Sonic Drive Cannon. Heheh, good thing Sonic doesn't know about this…"

Eggman added, "Yes, I do enjoy Sonic being launched out of a cannon, so I'll be willing to provide the Crimson Egg's power to yours." He muttered, "Even if I don't get to see Sonic fly out... Anyway Knuckles, are you ready to carry out my brilliant idea?" Knuckles glared at Eggman, then he hurried out the door. Everyone else looked at each other perplexed. Suddenly on screen, a door slammed open and Eggman turned his head in surprise.

Knuckles clenched Eggman's shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"Knuckles!" scolded Tails. "Get back inside this instant! Stop harassing Eggman!"

Knuckles glared at the camera broadcasting Eggman's footage, then he muttered, "Fine. I'll carry out _Eggman's_ plan." Knuckles stomped off screen and a few minutes later stomped inside the Blue Typhoon control room.

Cosmo giggled at Knuckles' uselessness, but then she heard Dark Oak growl, "So, they're using their rock against me…"

"Crap! I forgot to plug my ears!" Cosmo moaned.

The dragon heads charged toward the Blue Typhoon. Shadow glared at them and said, "_Finally_ you stop dancing." He held up his hands and stopped Dark Oak's head. Shadow then marched forward, pushing the head back. "Who needs Superman? Who needs _Sonic_?"

"Shadow! He using his ultimate power!" gasped Chris.

Rouge sighed dreamily, "Oh, Shadow's so _useful_…" Knuckles mouthed her words mockingly.

Dr. Eggman announced, "Star Fox had their fun. Now it's time to use _my_ spare missiles!" The Crimson Egg fired several missiles and lasers at the dragon, all of them exploding violently.

Shadow glared backward and he sneered, "I didn't need your help. Couldn't you see that I was doing awesome myself?"

"Gotta use these missiles sometime!" Eggman then turned to the group and said, "Amy, Rouge, Cream! You can fight the other head in my ships!"

"No! I refuse!" Cream spat.

"Good, because I only have two. Amy and Rouge can fly in them."

"Aww man!" Amy cried. "How dare Cream speak up before us!" Cream just giggled. Later, Amy and Rouge soared in Eggman ships while Cream was able to fly in her own.

"I hate this ship. It doesn't match my colour scheme!" Rouge growled.

The Narcissus head watched them arrive and he taunted, "Oh, so you wanna play? Well play with my neck thorns!" He shot several thorns from his neck, which pelted the ships.

"Yeah, take this Eggman!" Amy snickered as the thorns dented the Eggman pod.

"Amy, we're supposed to _avoid_ the thorns!" reminded Cream.

"Well you're not the one stuck in this stupid thing!" chided Amy before she started firing at Narcissus.

Meanwhile, the Bay Leaf head moved above the Crimson Egg and the Chaotix got ready to grab on. Vector said, "Aaaaand NOW!"

"Wait, what are you- AAAAAH!" cried Espio as he got dragged by the others as they jumped on the neck.

"Oooh! I've found replacement stingers in his neck!" Charmy exclaimed as he started pulling thorns out.

"OUCH! Stop that!" snapped Bay Leaf as he tried shaking them off.

"Vector, this was a bad idea!" Espio growled as he tried hanging on.

Dark Oak continued fighting Shadow, but he was too ultimate for him. "Noo! Why was Sonic easier to finish off than you?"

"Because I'm just… better." Shadow then strangled Dark Oak's neck and fired Chaos shots that took off some of the "fur".

Cosmo gazed dreamily at the sight, but then she shielded her eyes. "No! I'm with Tails! Think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts…" Tails noticed Cosmo was acting a bit strange, so he held her hand. "Ah, that's better."

On the Crimson Egg, Chris was setting up the connections to the Sonic Drive Cannon. "There, now the cannon is compatible with Windows 7."

"Good, I was never much of a Mac person." mused Eggman. "Though Linux did seem to interest me once… Anyway, tell me how you got into this world."

"Well, I made a machine and it worked somehow." replied Chris. "And H. George Wells showed up to elaborate how I became young again. I don't remember the whole thing. All I know is that it was a bunch of feasible physics."

"Yes, I am friends with Mister Wells." Eggman boasted while stroking his moustache. "But since the Master Emerald was the main provider of the particle acceleration, that means your older self is contained inside the Emerald. And let's just say that if the Master Emerald, oh I don't know, _breaks_ during the process, then you would lose your life."

"…So I'd be stuck here…"

"No. You'd be dead." Eggman corrected. "Unless you happen to have a 1-Up. But then again, who really understands physics anyway? Maybe the Emerald will be broken, yet you'll be intact."

"And then we can be partners!" Bocoe and Decoe chimed as they hugged Chris.

"Aaah!" Chris tried pushing them away.

Bokkun declared, "And since I was here longer than you, _I_ will be giving you orders. This is the reign of the FLEA, baby!"

"…Flea?"

"It's a long story." muttered Eggman.

Chris stopped to think about his friends and family on Earth. "Hmm, they're great… but I think I want to stay with Sonic and his friends."

"That's not for sure, and you know it." Eggman snapped.

"But I think staying with Sonic and the others will be much more fun." answered Chris. "I don't wanna stay with my Earth friends when I've got anthropomorphic buddies!"

_I doubt Chris was _that_ selfish, but okay…_

"And then you'll be one of us!" exclaimed the robots as they hugged Chris again. Chris laughed and teared up. "…Are you crying?"

Chris wiped his eyes in embarrassment. "…Don't tell the others."

Eggman grinned sneakily. "Okay, I won't _tell_ them, heheheh…"

Meanwhile, Knuckles hurried into the Master Emerald hold. "Oh, we'll see who'll get the credit _now_! …Huh, I wonder why all the passengers are running around screaming 'Fire!' over and over again?" Knuckles opened the door only to find the entire room engulfed in flames. "AAAH! Fire! Fire! What do I do? What do I do?" He ran inside and braced himself against the heat. "I must save the Master Emerald!" Knuckles found a fire extinguisher and quickly blasted it all over the room. "Wait, my TOWEL is in there!" Knuckles saw a burning towel hanging on a shelf and he shot the extinguisher at it. He picked up the completely charred towel and stared at it despondently. Knuckles tried scrubbing the towel of its burn marks, but then the towel disintegrated into soot. "NOOOOOOO! I'm useless agaaaaaiiin!"

_Hey, there are worse things going on. Like, I don't know, the other _passengers_ running for their lives? That could be using help right about now?_

Knuckles looked up at the Master Emerald. "Wait, I can still finish my plan. I think there's still a bit of usefulness inside me." He approached the Emerald and began to plea, "Master Emerald, we've been through a lot together. And now I'm afraid this will be our last moment… unless you do something to save us." No answer. "…Remember when I first had to put you back together? That was great. Difficult, but great. Oh, and remember…"

While Knuckles kept reciting memories, Rouge glared at the Eggman pod she was in. "I have a better use for this!" She got out of the pod and then kicked it toward Narcissus.

"Ow! Why'd you do that?" whined Narcissus. "It's because I'm _black_, isn't it?"

_Strange, it's about time he'd make that joke._

Charmy grabbed Vector's headphones and swung him around. "Hey! Don't touch the headphones!"

"But I wanna listen!" Charmy said as he tried raising the headphones higher. The Pale Bay Leaf head faced Vector menacingly. Vector nervously looked around, then he suddenly breathed fire at the head.

"Whoa! I didn't know I could _do_ that!" remarked Vector.

"It would've been a lot more helpful in the past, too." grumbled Espio as his charred face glared at Vector.

Meanwhile, the space shark gang swam through the stars.

_Aw, now we're back to _these_ guys?_

"All right boys, we can't let anyone find that man with the whaling deed tied up! We need to find someone to sink that cruise ship!" the leader stated. One of the sharks raised a fin.

"Uh, why can't Baron Calvan just throw that guy overboard and let us eat him?"

"Because we ain't veggie-tarians!" sneered the leader. The same shark raised a fin again.

"Also, how can we sink a ship if it's in _space_?"

"You heard that plant guy! This space is different!" The leader continued, "Now apparently those _other_ guys started destroying the ship already, but if _they_ succeed, we won't get any credit!"

_What do you mean credit? If it's being destroyed, that means the sharks don't have to do any work! They could… eat something or sit back to watch the show! In fact, they should just stay back and watch the _important_ characters do the work!_

The leader scanned the area, then something caught his eye. "Aha! That thing will do!" He swam over to a giant space octopus.

_S-space… o-o-octopus?_

"Wow! I've never seen space _sharks_ before!" gasped the octopus.

_Space octopus?_

"Glad to meet us!" The shark pointed to the Blue Typhoon in the distance and began, "See that crumbling ship with a purple tumour, lots of flames, and a weird plant dragon attacking it?"

_SPACE OCTOPUUUUUUUUS?_

"Whoa, it looks like it's in danger!" the octopus observed.

"Me and the boys are betting that you can't tear it to pieces." taunted the leader shark.

"That sounds like great fun!" the octopus exclaimed, oblivious to the trick. It started doing that swimming method with the tentacles toward the ship.

The leader snickered, "Heheh, we tricked him. And now everyone in the ship will die!" Then the same shark from earlier raised a fin again. "Okay, what's the matter now?"

"If Calvan is supposed to oversee the whaling deeds, wouldn't he die because of the octopus?" The gang leader glared at the shark, then he took out a ray gun and shot him.

_Space sharks… with ray guns…_

"Any other questions?" The other sharks quickly shook their heads. "Good!"

Back with the Blue Typhoon-

_FINALLY!_

Knuckles continued rambling, "And remember when we needed you to stop Chaos? Even though it was because of you that Chaos came out? Or am I remembering it incorrectly? However it went, it must've been a good time." Knuckles failed to notice that the Master Emerald was cracking. "Oh! And remember all those times I protected you from Rouge? You don't deserve to be with that flying rat, no." The Master Emerald cracked more, but Knuckles still didn't notice as he kept talking.

Dark Oak shot several vines from his neck and wrapped them around Shadow. "AAAH! Root rape!" Shadow cried as he ran toward the Crimson Egg and tried escaping. Dark Oak continued pulling on the vines, making them tighter and tougher for Shadow to resist. "No! This is _not_ a hentai!"

"The Master Emerald's energy is connected to the Sonic Drive Cannon." announced Tails as he pressed a button. The cannon rumbled and slowly rose out of the ship. Everyone watched in expectation.

Shadow glared at the cannon and he strained against the vines. "Hurry up!"

The cannon finally got into position. Tails shouted, "Fire hedgehog! I mean, energy!"

Knuckles looked up and said, "Oh yeah! Forgot." He raised his arms and declared, "Okay Master Emerald! Give us all your strength! …I love you!" The Master Emerald shone brightly and cracked even more. The energy was transferred into the cannon and was fired at the Narcissus and Bay Leaf heads.

"This isn't FABu_lous_!" Narcissus cried before his head was blown off.

Bay Leaf's eyes widened as the energy beam was going toward his head. "No not the head, not the head, nononono-" BAM!

Then the beam reached the main body of Dark Oak and blasted it with a seizure-inducing light. "AAAAAAH!" wailed everyone as they shielded their eyes from the light.

*Sonic's Dream Sequence*

Sonic ran through empty space, his feet not even touching any ground. "How'd I get from the inside of Dark Oak to here?" he asked himself. He looked ahead and saw Leonardo DiCaprio standing in front of him. "Hey, did you get eaten too? Because I didn't see you or anything and-"

"You don't seem to understand, Sonic." sighed DiCaprio. "You never really remember the beginning of a dream, do you? You always wind up right in the middle of what's going on. Think, Sonic, how did we get here?"

Sonic rubbed his chin thoughtfully while he was still running. "I'm dreaming?"

"Do you realize that no matter how much you run, I'm always in front of you, even though I'm standing still?"

"…I'm still dreaming?"

DiCaprio elaborated, "Dreams feel real while we're in them. It's only when we wake up that we realize that something was actually strange." He raised an eyebrow and added, "However, it seems that your mind hasn't totally taken over your creative part. Not yet, anyway…"

"…Am I dreaming or what?" Sonic snapped.

_So Sonic is dense even in his dreams?_

"I'll perform some… verbal inception, if you will, to 'jump-start' your creative part." Leonardo said, ignoring Sonic's questions. "We must make this dream as needlessly trippy as possible."

_Wait, Leonardo DiCaprio _wants_ this scene to be too crazy to believe?_

_It's his job!_

DiCaprio pondered for a bit. "Hmm… let's say… Downward is the only way forward." At that instant, Sonic plummeted into the space.

"AAAAAAAAAAH! Couldn't you have said something ELLLLLLSE?" wailed Sonic before he impacted the ground. The dirt around Sonic collected itself into a massive, humanoid sand-monster. "Aww man! I'm stuck with Spider-man _3_ Sandman! That villain sucks big time!"

Sandman grumbled solemnly, "I'm not a badly written character, I've just have bad reception." He then roared and punched Sonic far away.

The hedgehog crashed through several checkerboard buildings, ruining the illusions they posed. Sonic then rolled on the ground and stopped in front of Cosmo. "Cosmo! Can you tell me what's going on?" But instead, the 'Cosmo' morphed into the statue form from the Narcissus episode.

"This is a verrrry disturbing universe!" cackled the monster in Dark Oak's singing voice.

"YEEESH!" Sonic scampered away and ran into a tall lizard. He looked around him and saw lizards everywhere! "I'm in the middle of a reptile zoo! Somebody better give booze to these god damn things!" Sonic squirmed his way past the reptiles and ahead saw the silhouette of Lucky the Vulture. "We can't stop here! This is vulture country!" But then the silhouette came closer, revealing it to be made up of several Rouges. "Whoa, beautiful ****ing t*ts man!" But then the Rouges transformed into demonic bats! Sonic ran away again shouting, "We can't stop here! This is… _not_ vulture country!"

_What's with all the Raoul Duke quotes?_

Then Sonic ran down a spiral staircase while the endless stair music from Mario 64 played. "Wow, this goes on forever, doesn't it?" Sonic crashed into a Christopher Columbus toon and their clothes were swapped. But since Sonic was only wearing gloves and shoes, the Columbus character ran away in shame. "Alright, I've got me some new duds! And I think I have a spyglass somewhere!" Sonic then extended a spyglass from the centre of his pants and pulled one out.

_GAAAAAAAAAAH! Just, GAAAAAAAAAH!_

"I, Sonic Columbus am the greatest sailor to prove the planet's roundness!" Sonic looked through his telescope and saw the Sonic Drive Cannon pointing right at him. "AAAAAH! Abandon ship!" Sonic used his spyglass to try paddling away, but then the cannon got in front of him. "It keeps following me! DiCaprio, wake me up! Wake me up!" Sonic hurried across a map lined with latitudes and longitudes, but then his foot got stuck on one of them, preventing Sonic from toppling over the edge. "Eek! Please don't break, longitude or latitude!" The line snapped, causing Sonic to fall deep into the cannon. Sonic looked out a small hole and saw Tails snickering wickedly as he reached for a button. "No! Tails! Don't do it!" As Tails pressed the button, Sonic grabbed hold of the inside of the cannon, causing Sonic's body to fly out while his arms stretched really long as they still held on to the cannon. Sonic felt the motion slow down, so he sighed a breath of relief and looked down… only to find the Lake of Love with Amy in it waiting for him. "Gah! Arms, don't let go! No no no no-" His arms let go, making Sonic plummet toward the lake. "AAAAAH! Stay calm! It must be a dream! It's a dream!" Sonic then got stuck in a freeze frame just before he hit the water.

*End Sonic's Dream*

_That's it? No philosophical banter between Sonic and Dark Oak?_

_Nope. That would be boring. Not what Leonardo DiCaprio would've wanted._

Meanwhile, Knuckles grinned smugly as he faced HAL's camera lens. "See that, HAL? I'm useful even without my towel!" Then he frowned in remembrance. "…But that doesn't matter 'cause you're gone… Gotta remember that." He sighed and turned around. Only then did he noticed the Master Emerald was in pieces. "GAH! My Master Emerald! You…broke up with me again?" He fell to his knees and grasped some pieces, then cried, "WHYYYYYYYYY?"

Back with the others, they watched as Dark Oak started roaring and flailing his head. Eggman reported, "It's a direct hit, but the target is still moving!"

Tails ordered determinedly, "Well circle around and fire again!"

"We have nothing left to fire." Amy reminded dully.

"Wait! The Star Fox crew returned!" exclaimed Cream as she saw the Star Fox ships come back to shoot down Dark Oak. "Go Grand Peppy, GO!"

Falco snickered, "Time for a little payback." He fired more lasers at the head, and it wailed loudly.

Katt Monroe spoke up, "Are you going to hog all the fun?"

"Katt? Can't you go bother someone else?" sneered Falco.

Slippy zoomed in on Dark Oak's head and declared, "You're not getting away that easy!" He fired rapidly, also wounding Dark Oak.

"Slippy's not such a screw up after all!" remarked Peppy.

"Thanks a lot Peppy!" said Slippy as he circled the head with the others.

_Uh, can we just get back to Tails and the others?_

Falco got annoyed at the lack of progress with the firearms. "This is too slow! Time to end this!" He started to prepare a bomb to drop on Dark Oak.

Peppy shouted, "Use bombs wisely!"

Eggman however spat, "Just blow sh*t up, it's all we know how to do!" Falco dropped several bombs, some spilling onto Eggman's ship. "Hey! I'm on _your_ side, Einstein!"

Chris suggested, "Now would be a good time to get rid of all the garbage and unnecessary stuff on the ship."

Tails looked over his supplies and commanded, "Use the anvil!" An anvil was dropped on Dark Oak's head. "Use the ocean liner!" Dark Oak raised his head, only for it to be crushed by a shipwreck. "That's it, bring on the sink, boys!" A giant kitchen sink fell on top of Dark Oak. Tails then looked at the beer bottles thoughtfully. "Hey, Sonic's not here!" He loaded the guns with beer bottles and fired them at Dark Oak.

"Ech! Corona!" Dark Oak growled as some of the beer got in his mouth. "They stole Budweiser Select's logo!"

"That's a lot of fish." remarked Matthew Broderick. Everyone else glared at him.

Cosmo then said, "Hey I've got an idea!" She told Broderick, "It's a Disney movie!"

"Noooooo!" cried Broderick shakily. He whispered, "I gotta get outta here." Matthew Broderick then ran out of the room, each step making a cartoony sound effect.

"Hey, let's throw away our spare robot parts!" suggested Eggman. He threw out the remains of Scratch and Grounder. Eggman glared at Bocoe and Decoe and warned, "And if you don't do well, you're next!"

Knuckles eagerly threw HAL's modules and laughed, "Take that, you stupid computer that… motivated me to be useful…" His throws slowly turned into reluctant tosses.

Tails pushed the ugly Cosmo statue into the gun and mused, "I've finally found a use for this!" The statue was launched out and hit Dark Oak square in the face.

_Sheesh, are they going to throw _everything_ at Dark Oak?_

Cosmo declared, "We must throw away all things having to do with Moon Magic!" She chucked Amy's Moon Magic items into space, and the sharp parts dug into Dark Oak's face.

"Hey! Those were _my_ charms! I needed them to get Sonic!" Amy fumed. "That's it, I'm going to upset Eggman now!" She got out of her ship and used her hammer to push it into Dark Oak's head. "Take that, Eggman and Dark Oak! …Wait, I don't have a ship. I'm FALLING!" Amy fell to the water planet and did a belly flop before sinking.

Sonic slowly opened his eyes and he mumbled, "It's a dream, it's a dream." He looked around him and asked, "Why am I in water? …And how come I smell like fertilizer?" Sonic then noticed Amy was unconscious and she was sinking toward him. "Aww, why do I always have to save you from water?" He grabbed onto Amy and tried swimming upward, but then a light engulfed them and both were awake and floating in a bubble. Sonic noticed he and Amy were holding hands. He looked into Amy's eyes and asked, "Is this what I think it is?"

Amy answered, "Yes, we are inside the Planet Egg!"

"I was going to say that maybe there _is_ true love in our relationship, but that works too!" Sonic said casually.

"Wait, huh? WAIT!" Amy tried speaking up, but then the bubble bursted and they both fell on Chris' Hyper Tornado.

"YAY!" everyone cheered.

"I think I'm gonna be sick." grumbled Shadow.

The others looked back at Dark Oak and noticed that the water was rising above his head. "Oh, he decided to drown himself." observed Sonic. "That makes our job easier."

Cosmo gazed at what was happening and slowly stepped forward. "Whoa… why am I in a trance?"

"Cosmo! Stay with me!" Tails pleaded as he tried holding Cosmo back.

"I can't help it… my amulet is telling me to look." spoke Cosmo. The water planet started shrinking until it became a giant peach tree seed.

Sonic and Amy stared perplexed at the view. "Despite everything that's happened thus far, the physics of space still baffle me."

Amy replied, "At least nothing else ridiculous can happen!" Right after she said that, a giant space octopus arrived and started attacking the Blue Typhoon. "…But I've been wrong before…"

_SPACE OCTOPUS? Why? Why space octopus? They can't be in this story! They can't!_

_Angie, do you have anything against space octopi?_

* * *

><p><em>Phew, finally done this chapter! Also, my computer's back, so hopefully I'll be uploading chapters smoothly from now on. Next time I'll go for a super long chapter… by padding it out with subplots nobody cares about! See you then, and in the meantime, review!<em>


	25. A Beerless End

_Hello everybody, I'm back! I've got a lot of stuff to cram into the penultimate chapter, so I shouldn't waste anymore time. Here we go!_

Episode 25: A Beerless End

The space octopus continued to rip the Blue Typhoon apart, with the passengers running for the lifeboats. "There's room for everybody!" cried an attendant.

_What, no 'Women and children first'?_

Calvan sat back next to Tonners and watched in glee at the destruction. "Perfect! The ship goes down tonight, and no one will stop me!" But then he noticed the fires spreading to the room he's in. "...If I _live_, that is..."

Leonardo DiCaprio got out of the Inception room and ran into Rose Bukater. She glared at him and spat, "Jack! This octopus is attacking the ship! What were you doing all this time?"

DiCaprio said, "There's something you should know about me. About inception."

"...What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

Leonardo looked around confused and asked, "Wait, which movie am I in?" He took out several of his scripts and picked one at random. "Ahem. Uh, 'Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.'" Rose stared at him awkwardly. "...Everyone has a choice, and I choose not to do drugs."

_Enough with the DiCaprio confusion. Let's just get back to Tails and the others._

"My cruise ship is falling apart!" cried Tails. He looked around and gasped, "That means my nanny is in danger!"

"And my step-father!" added Cosmo. "I mean, he's the only step-person that actually likes me and all. So he deserves to be saved."

"But what about the giant peach seed?" questioned Cream.

"That plot can wait!" Tails stated as he ran out of the room.

"Wait, I need to be with you!" Cosmo followed Tails out too.

_So I'm guessing most of this next part is them saving the step-father and nanny, followed by more stuff from the subplots. Fine, I'm listening._

Tails hurried down the halls with Cosmo behind him. They shoved through the crowds of passengers escaping and yelling at him. "I have a feeling I'll be getting tons of strongly-worded letters."

"Tails, is the ship... tilting?" asked Cosmo as she started leaning toward the bow. Tails felt the front of the ship gradually go downward.

"Well, it _is_ tilting, but it won't be impossible to walk on for about an hour." guessed Tails as he continued pushing through the passengers. "My nanny is in the room ahead, and your step-father is somewhere in first-class."

"So that means we'll have to split up?" Cosmo asked worriedly.

"Don't worry, we'll meet up back in the control room." assured Tails before he gave one last kiss to Cosmo. He then headed for his nanny, past the band that was playing "Nearer, My God, to Thee".

_You know, Tails could've said something more assuring, but apparently that one sentence did the trick. Even though the band playing the Titanic sinking song doesn't help._

Tails saw that the lower-class passengers were behind a metal gate and weren't allowed to leave. The other attendents prevented the gate from being open. "Hey, I'm the captain! I didn't agree to this!" But then the passengers broke through the gate like it was tin foil. "Oh, that's convenient."

_...Really? The passengers break through the gate that easily? Sure it's convenient, if it was _actually_ possible to do that!_

One lifeboat lowered from the ship to space, where Horkirk and Jasdirk snook on with Cruellynthia.

_Oh, apparently those people are still in this story._

The two of them snickered at a little girl and started making faces at her. "WAAH!" cried the girl. "Those two men are bothering me!" Jasdirk and Horkirk quickly pretended that nothing happened.

"Maybe you're disturbing them." figured the girl's mother as Cruellynthia tried to pickpocket her. "Here, sit with me." The mother sat back, crushing Cruellynthia's hand.

"Heehehehaha!" chuckled Jasdirk and Horkirk.

_Haha, hilarious. This makes me forget about the big tragedy brought upon by the... space octopus. And the bigger plot with Dark Oak._

Tails hurried down the hallway and saw that his nanny's room was blocked by a window. He grabbed a chair and tried breaking through it. "How dare I use casement design! It was so last century!"

_Since when did Tails care about- never mind!_

At last Tails broke through the window and managed to get to nanny Hertia's room. "At last I found you, nanny! You'll be safe now!"

Hertia got up and followed Tails toward the lifeboats. "Thank you for saving me..." she said as she got in line for the lifeboats. As Tails hurried back to the control room, Hertia sighed, "I just wonder if my little Cosmo has had a proper education..."

*Hertia's Flashback*

_Oh, so now we're finally going to see what Hertia remembers. ...In _your_ own words._

Galaxina held the new baby in her arms. "Well, this is the only surviving child..."

A Seedrian with long bangs added, "Yes, it seems there was only one seed that was good enough in that batch."

Another one wearing an orange robe sighed, "The reproduction process seems to have reached its limits."

A tall Seedrian with pinecones in her hair noted, "Hertia seems to have grown too tired to produce anymore children."

Galaxina glanced at the three Seedrians awkwardly. "Uh, who are you? Are you... at _all_ relatives of Hertia?"

"We just wanted to see the new baby!" claimed the others. "Is that a crime?" Soon, the baby started whimpering and wailing.

"Great, now you got her to cry." spat Galaxina before she tried calming her new sister down. "Shut up... you. Um, what are we gonna call her?"

"How about Kirlia?" suggested the long banged Seedrian.

"No, I think Pokémon is planning on using that name sometime." Galaxina said while wincing at the baby that was still crying. She shoved a pacifier into her mouth, and the baby struggled to spit it out.

Hertia groggily got out of the fertility room and groaned, "Please don't be mean to your new sister. Anyway, I've got a name for her. She shall be... Cosmo."

"Cosmo?"

"Yes, because I was reading an issue of 'Cosmopolitan' when she started to come out." explained Hertia.

_Oh, so Cosmo is named after a dirty magazine. Rich._

Galaxina looked at Cosmo and figured, "Well, I have a feeling Cosmo is the last hope for the galaxy... and everyone will think she's some form of a Mary Sue."

_So even Galaxina predicted everyone thinking Cosmo is a Mary Sue._

_Because she is!_

_...That's all you have to say, isn't it?_

*End Flashback*

Cosmo headed through the halls and squeezed through the passengers. But then she came face-to-face with Gertruth, Bernella, Hortasia, and Calvan! "Why won't you leave me alone?"

Calvan sneered, "Cosmo, my fiancé, don't go forward. Just take my hand and we shall be married on a lifeboat."

"Cosmo, do as he says." ordered Gertruth. "You won't benefit from that stupid fox."

"That stupid fox!" chimed the step-sisters annoyingly.

_Why do we even bother with the step-sisters?_

"You're wrong. I need to go save my step-father." Cosmo tried pushing through the step-family, but they wouldn't budge.

"Cosmo, your family needs the money, I need the whales." stated Calvan as he grabbed Cosmo's arms. "I'm going to get away with this without being caught by James Bond! And if you just let this destruction happen, then we'll all be happy!"

Cosmo stated, "There's two things I care about: plants, and whales. I won't let you hunt the whales!"

_Wait, now Cosmo cares about the whales? Where did that come from?_

Suddenly, the stern slanted higher and higher to a 45 degree angle. The step-family tried clinging to the walls, but then they slipped and tumbled down the halls. Calvan still clenched Cosmo's arms and he struggled to stay standing.

_How can Calvan stay standing against a 45 degree angle?_

At last, the ship broke in two and both pieces suddenly tilted back to level. "Phew, see Cosmo? I saved your life." Calvan then noticed that Cosmo was already hurrying toward Tonner's room. "Hey! Come back here! ...You won't make it back alive!" Calvan turned around to where Gertruth would've fallen. "The faster we escape on a lifeboat, the better." he muttered as he hurried toward the end of the corridor.

Cosmo ran down the hallway and busted into Tonners' room, which was full of fire. "Don't worry, I'm here to save you!" Cosmo carefully went around the flames and untied Tonners.

"Thank you Cosmo. You saved me!" He got up and demanded, "Now where are those traitors, Calvan and Gertruth?"

"I think Calvan escaped with Gertruth." Cosmo responded sadly.

"Well after we get out of this mess, _then_ I shall find them and talk to them about 'mercy'." Tonners headed out of the room and told Cosmo, "You go be with your true love Tails. I shall go save myself on a lifeboat." So Tonners escaped the burning room and Cosmo rushed back to the control room.

The space octopus continued destroying the Blue Typhoon, but then a space dolphin swam up to him. "Don't you realize what you're doing?"

"I think I won the sharks' bet!" exclaimed the octopus excitedly.

"You just destroyed a ship full of people!" the space dolphin cried, and the octopus gasped at his mistake. "I'm not sure how many people will be saved now."

"Oh no!" wailed the octopus as he let go and covered his head in shame. "It's not like I can just grab the people off the ship and save them from sinking!"

_Yeah, cause that would be crazy. But then again, this story got crazy from the beginning, so WHY DOESN'T HE JUST DO THAT?_

Back in the control room, Tails and Cosmo reunited at last. "Cosmo, you're all right!" exclaimed Tails as he embraced Cosmo.

"Thank goodness my step-daddy is all right." Cosmo said as she continued hugging Tails.

"Uh, hate to break the moment here, but the giant peach seed is about to do something." interrupted Knuckles as he pointed to the seed.

_Okay, we're finally back to the plot we care about. And all this time the seed didn't do anything? What happened?  
><em>

_Dark Oak wanted to watch the octopus destroy the ship._

Tails checked the recordings and gasped, "The Planet Egg energy level is rising so fast, we can't measure it! We can't make another 'over 9000' joke!"

"Well, if the level is too high to measure, then by definition it would be 'over 9000'." reasoned Eggman. "And that energy would make the vegetation spread throughout the galaxy!"

Shadow watched the seed glow and pulse. "I didn't get to do anything yet. Time to be awesome!" He leaped off the ship and charged at the seed.

"Hey! I need to be the hero!" declared Sonic as he jumped off the Hyper Tornado and tried digging inside the seed. But then the seed expelled a purple mist that blew him, Amy, and the Hyper Tornado away. "Oh no! I'm defeated by purple muck!" cried Sonic as he got knocked back.

"Ha ha! Faker." taunted Shadow. But then the mist reached Shadow and knocked him away too. "GAAAAAAH! I thought I was ultimate!"

Sonic and Amy soared through space until they landed in each other's arms on the deck of the Blue Typhoon. Amy gazed at Sonic and sighed dreamily, "You have beautiful eyes... or rather, a single eye with two pupils."

"Get off my chest." grumbled Sonic as he squirmed away from Amy.

Chris opened his eyes, just in time to see Shadow skid expertly backward on the deck. "Shadow!"

"Yes, I can make even my failures look awesome!" Shadow added with a wink, "Not that I fail often."

In the control room, the Chaotix, Rouge, and Cream came in with the Chaos Emeralds. "Well, here are the Emeralds we swiped from Dark Oak's head." Vector said. "It wasn't easy. ..._Not_... _easy_." Everyone saw that the Chaotix all had cuts and bruises.

Rouge added mournfully, "The only downside is that the Chaos Emeralds have lost their shiny... spectacular sheen!" She started sobbing loudly, and Espio offered his shoulder. "No! I wanna cry on Shadow's shoulder!"

"He's _busy_." muttered Espio as he glanced at Shadow breakdancing.

_Huh? Shadow breakdancing?_

_Yeah! Everyone wants to see him breakdance! Boogie!_

Cream looked at the Chaos Emeralds that lost their energy. "Mr. Chaos Emerald died..."

"You can't just call them _Mister_ Chaos Emerald." Knuckles growled. "I sacrificed the Master Emerald! Or rather, it sacrificed itself. But I've proven useful! And now I'm going to be even _more_ useful!" But Knuckles noticed no one was paying attention because they were looking at the screen with Eggman on it. "Oh, so now we watch him do _anything_."

Dr. Eggman stated, "It is in my professional mind that I have one last glorious idea."

"Uh, Dr. Eggman?" asked Bokkun nervously as he watched the seed.

"Quiet, I'm making a monumental speech." Eggman continued, "If we could transfer our remaining energy... to the Chaos Emeralds... then we will have enough power... to prevail."

"Stop pausing for effect, Doctor!" whined Decoe as he saw the seed glow.

"But it makes my speech cooler! Ahem..." Dr. Eggman sat back with a determined look. "We shall prevail... because the Chaos Emeralds... and our hearts... allow us... to do so. ...Amen."

"Doctor! The seed!" cried Bocoe.

"I said _amen_."

The robots looked at each other and reluctantly said, "Amen."

"All together now!" Eggman declared with his fist out like he was still a god.

"Amen!" groaned everyone else.

"Good. Now what was this talk about the seed?" Before the robots could respond, the seed emmited several rays that passed through the ship and the planets. While all the other planets started growing trees, every other creature started weakening.

Amy moaned painfully and she dropped onto Sonic. "Hey! Get off! What did I tell you?"

"It's not me!" claimed Amy. "...At least not entirely." Sonic started groaning and he collapsed too.

Shadow noticed he was feeling tired too. "No... I'm the ultimate life form... I still have my rings..."

"Ugh, my head..." grumbled Chris before his head landed on the dashboard, hitting several buttons.

Tails noted weakly, "The seed is draining us of our energy and giving it to the plants. Those stupid, stupid plants..." Cosmo shot a glare at Tails. "Oh not _you_! You're cool."

Decoe moaned, "How come _we're_ losing energy? We don't have organic energy!"

Bocoe added, "Yeah, I thought he was supposed to only be against _animals_."

Eggman giggled, "Heehee! I can still sit up straight and relax."

"We're in danger, Eggman." Bokkun said angrily.

"Oh right! It seems like Dark Oak is using our energy to accelerate the plantation growth." figured Eggman. "Now his plantation will take over everyone else's businesses. Like Donald Trump."

Tails glanced at Cosmo and noticed she was all right and picking up the Chaos Emeralds in a hankie. "Why are you not affected?"

Cosmo explained, "I'm not affected because I'm a Grass Type- I mean plant! I'm a plant!" She gathered the Chaos Emeralds and headed to the door. "Leave the Chaos Emeralds to me."

"Wait! You're not gonna stay with me?" cried Tails, but Cosmo already left. "...She left me. Why?"

Cosmo headed across the gap and past the escaping passengers. She looked up to the Crimson Egg and said, "I'm not sure how, but Eggman can regenerate the Chaos Emeralds." Cosmo started climbing up a vine to the Crimson Egg. "I must do this, so animals and plants can live together. Like on Earth before humans started destroying everything." She continued climbing further. "I can do this. Everyone loves me."

_Wow, Cosmo's really trying to let us know that she's a Mary Sue._

Deep within the seed, Dark Oak growled, "You can't succeed. This is only a stupid act of bravery."

"No, this is not stupid." said Cosmo as she continued climbing. "We all need to get along, and we will never give up!"

"Shut up!" Sonic yelled. "Stop being better than me!"

"Better than _you_?" questioned Shadow. "She's being better than _me_! The ultimate life form! Beaten by a plant girl!"

Cosmo noticed that the seed gave off a red ray. Suddenly the vine grabbed Cosmo around her stomach and slammed her face into the Crimson Egg!

"COSMOOOOOO!" Tails shrieked.

"Don't feel sorry for the Sue!" spat Cream.

_Cream is quite mean lately._

Cosmo moaned, "Ow, my head..." She was so dazed that she lost her grip on the Chaos Emeralds. "Wait, no! My only chance to redeem myself!" But the Chaos Emeralds plummeted through space.

"GRAAAAAAAAAAAH!" shouted Sonic. "Now you've done it! You maniac! We have to find all the Chaos Emeralds AGAIN! And AGAIN! And AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN!"

"Calm down, Sonic!" Chris ordered.

"You're right..." Sonic strained to raise his head and he called to Tails, "I need to drown my sorrows. So I need a drink. Good thing I stocked up on lots of beer!"

"...Heheh, about that, Sonic..." started Tails uneasily. "Uh, while you were... asleep... we decided to throw a bunch of junk in Dark Oak's face and... you weren't here so..."

Sonic glared toward Tails. "What... happened... to my CORONA?"

"We thought you were going to quit drinking!"

"_After_ I'm done the season, DUH!" spat Sonic. "But now we're all dying, and I can't even get a beer. Oh, this is the worst possible way to die!"

"Wait Sonic! Look!" Amy pointed to the giant seed, which was splitting in half with a rainbow light. Soon, the energy-draining effects started to disappear.

"Where's that light coming from?" asked Tails.

"The Care Bears." Mickey Rooney answered with a sly expression on his face. Tails slowly inched away from him.

"Actually, I think it is coming from the Planet Eggs." Eggman said while he watched the Chaos Emeralds return. "Their life was removed from them, so they answer to the Chaos Emeralds and the hope in our hearts!"

Bokkun looked at Eggman confused. "Uh, could you dumb it down for me?"

_What is there to dumb down?_

"Hmm, all right." Dr. Eggman pondered for a second, then paraphrased, "Um, Planet Eggs... give wakey energy... to the Chaos Emeralds. Chaos Emeralds... now wakey while Planet Eggs are... deady."

"_Some_... deady?" asked Bokkun.

Eggman sighed, "All... deady."

Chris watched the Emeralds descend, and he noticed he was able to move. "Wow, my strength returned!" He turned to where Dark Oak was and maniacally laughed, "Taste the rainbow, Meta-****er!"

Cosmo looked around and figured, "Seems like being here is pointless now!" She instantly jumped out of the vine bond and floated down.

Sonic gawked at Cosmo. "Why didn't you do that before?"

"Uh... it didn't occur to me at the time?" guessed Cosmo. "Hey look! Your girlfriends are here!"

"Huh? Girl_friends_?" Sonic shot glances all around him in fear.

"I mean the Chaos Emeralds." Cosmo explained. "Well, you seem to be in love with them so much, so..."

Amy stared wide-eyed at Sonic. "_You_ had an affair with the Chaos Emeralds?"

"No Amy!" denied Sonic as he slowly backed toward the Chaos Emeralds. "Sure, I was upset when they were gone, but it's not like I mourned them like I lost a loved one. Knuckles, however..."

"HEY! Stop making fun of me!" Knuckles then gazed at the Master Emerald shard in his hands and whispered, "Someday, they'll understand..." He then noticed that Chris was now in the control room staring at him awkwardly. "Soon, you'll understand!" spat Knuckles before turning away.

Shadow stared at the Chaos Emeralds boredly, until he heard a familiar voice shout, "Shadow!" Then Shadow saw Molly flash before his eyes.

"Molly! I shall be awesome for you!" declared Shadow. Then Shadow briefly saw an image of Mary Sue.

"And me! I'm here too!" Mary Sue yelled as she tried squeezing next to Molly.

"Go away!" Shadow groaned as he shook his head. "Great, now I lost my connection to Molly!"

_Why couldn't Mary Sue stay longer? It could've been an opportunity to see that Cosmo is the obvious lesser of the two Sues._

_Angie, that would be completely stupid._

_...REALLY? The one idea you think is stupid, and yet EVERYTHING else seems PERFECTLY believable to you!_

Sonic stepped toward the Chaos Emeralds and announced, "This time, _I'm_ going to finish the season by destroying the Metarex."

"Oh no you don't!" Shadow headed to the Chaos Emeralds at the same time Sonic basked in their glow. Both of them reached for the Chaos Emeralds and simultaneously became Super. "Well then, it seems like there was a Melee we didn't finish."

_Oh, so now they once again forget about the main villain just to fight to be the better hero. Why are these two getting so shallow?_

"All right then..." Super Sonic put up his fists. "Let's fight for glory then!"

"How can you if you're dead?" challenged Super Shadow, repeating the line he said last time he was Super.

"I'm not de- OWW!" Sonic got punched by Shadow, then they rammed into each other again. "So how's that 'revenge plan' of yours? You know, the one against Eggman?"

"Eh, it never took off the way I expected it." responded Shadow as he dodged Sonic's punches. "But at least I have a moment of glory today." Super Shadow then roundhouse kicked Sonic, followed by a punch in his face.

Cream and Cheese ran outside to stand beside Cosmo. "I want a good seat for this fight!" explained Cream as she got out popcorn.

Super Sonic blocked Shadow's attacks and stated, "Open outer space isn't a good enough battlefield. Let's take this to the peach seed!" He flew away from Shadow and headed inside the seed's rainbow crack (not _that_ kind of crack).

"What a cowardly idiot!" snickered Super Shadow as he chased after Sonic and continued fighting him inside.

None of the spectators could accurately see how the fight progressed from that point on. They heard a bunch of punching sounds and cries of pain from _both_ Supers. The Shadow fangirls claim that Sonic was doing most of the wailing, but they might only be hearing what they want to hear. Everyone agrees, however, that the fight got more violent the more they saw each Super knocked through the seed walls. As the Super hedgehogs broke through the seed even more, the seed continued crumbling until it at last exploded brightly. "AAAAH! TOO MANY BLINDING MOMENTS!" wailed the spectators.

Super Sonic glared at Shadow and sneered, "Nice going, _Faker_. You destroyed our battleground!"

"Who, _moi_?" Super Shadow asked poshly. "All I did was beat you up mercilessly like a true ultimate warrior. You wanted to live, so you tried destroying the seed."

"No, I'm pretty sure I was pwning you before you decided to break the seed."

"That's a lie, and you know it!" Super Shadow charged at Super Sonic again and they continued wrestling.

Once everyone's sight returned, Bokkun remarked, "Wow, their fight got the seed destroyed anyway! AWESOME!"

"It's not over yet!" Eggman shouted as he pointed to the clearing smoke. The smoke faded to reveal a giant black ball.

"You are all morons..." growled Dark Oak from within. "In your wrath, you just accelerated your death. Nice job breaking it, _heroes_."

Sonic glared at Shadow and spat, "Yeah, nice job breaking it, _hero_!"

Shadow again looked poshly at Sonic and said, "Yeah, I'm a hero."

"Are you going to keep fighting, or are you going to watch my power?" questioned Dark Oak.

Sonic pondered, "Hmm, I'm gonna choose... keep fighting!" He quickly punched Shadow in the face, and both of them continued wrestling.

Inside, Dark Oak rolled his eyes. "Kids these days..." The black ball started generating a sparkly shield. "Okay break it up, you two! Break it up!"

Tails stared at the recordings and gasped, "The energy is rising rapidly! It's _OVER_ over 9000!"

"How is _that_ possible?" wailed Vector shocked.

Chris watched the shield get bigger and he said, "He is using the Planet Egg's energy to create a powerful gravitational field."

"And then it becomes a black hole that sucks up everything else in the universe!" gasped Knuckles.

"Not quite, Knuckles." Chris continued, "The gravity will keep compressing until the planet can't take the pressure, the same way a star squeezes everything inside before it dies."

"And then there's a supernova!" Charmy added excitedly.

Espio figured, "So if this is applied to a planet, then this planet will also explode."

"And then everything else in the universe dies." Rouge finished. "See Knuckles? I'm smarter than you!"

Knuckles laid back and muttered, "It could still be a black hole."

_Yep, Knuckles is getting more and more indignant, even without Hal!_

"Uh, guys?" Sonic whimpered. "Th-the sp-sparkly gravitational field thing is getting, larger!"

"Good, it will be easier for me to smack you into it." Super Shadow grabbed Sonic and slammed him into the field.

"GRAAAH! The shield's so... hard." moaned Sonic. "I can still save everyone! I'm strong!" Super Sonic threw a big Epic Punch, only for his fist to stop right at the field. "...Apparently I'm not _that_ strong. Oww..."

"Heheh, so long little weakling!" Super Shadow swung his fist and threw a giant Even More Epic Punch... but even that didn't work. "...What? It didn't work? WHY? I'm the ultimate life-form! Everything is supposed to break when _I_ want it!" Shadow glared at the field, but it still didn't break under the Death Glare. "NOOOOOO!"

"Who's the weakling _now_?" Sonic taunted.

"You still suck!"

Bokkun cried, "Eggman, do something! They're going to have another unnecessary fight again, and I don't think it'll solve anything this time!"

Dr. Eggman looked toward his other robots and started, "Bocoe? Decoe? There's something... difficult... that I have to tell you."

Decoe and Bocoe sighed exasperatedly, "We know, you built the two of us so we could be gay for each other."

"WHAT? NO! GAAAH!" Dr. Eggman groaned. "Where'd you get that idea?"

"...I dunno."

"Gaah! Now I can't get that image out of my head!" Eggman covered his head in disgust. "Bocoe and Decoe... gay? AAAAH!"

_Strange, didn't Eggman make them dress up like Shadow and Rouge so they could kiss each other?_

Once Eggman finally calmed down, he continued, "As I was saying... I installed a self-destruct system in each of your bodies. You're both wired! You have bombs!"

"WHAAAAAAAAT?" yelled the robots. "That's totally AWESOME! What else did you secretly install in us?"

"Huh? What?"

_Yeah, I'm confused too._

Decoe held up his fists and asked, "Can I punch through walls? Do I have X-ray vision?"

"Wh- no! Focus!"

"Can I stretch my legs to run faster? Do I have laser guns?" Bocoe inquired excitedly.

"NO! You only have self-destruct systems!" Eggman spat. "Now, they may be our only chance to stop Dark Oak. Are you sure you're okay with using them?"

"Yes!"

"You are aware that you will die after you use the system?"

"Not like our lives will get any better!"

"And that you will _never_ be brought back because I will be unwilling too?"

"Eh, we had a good run."

"Do you want _reeeaaaalllllly_ want to explode?"

"Dr. Eggman! When can we start?"

Eggman sat back and admitted, "Well, this is where it gets kind of complicated... I was joking about that self-destruct thing."

"HUH?" cried Decoe and Bocoe. "And what about those other secret abilities we have? Were you lying about those too?"

"I've neither confirmed nor denied the existence of your secret abilities."

"Wait, '_nor denied_'?"

"FORGET EVERYTHING I SAID!" snapped Eggman. "I don't know what to do! And I'm being serious this time, Chris! I'm not pulling a prank to waste more time!"

_He's wasted enough time already._

Knuckles shrieked, "Nobody knows what to do! And I can't help because I'm not useful enough!" He turned around to cry on Rouge's shoulder, but she turned away.

"Go cry on your Master Emerald's shoulder!" Rouge sneered.

"But the Master Emerald doesn't have-"

"Because it BROKE UP WITH YOU!" cackled Rouge as she broke down in laughter.

Meanwhile, Super Sonic and Super Shadow still struggled to break through the gravitational shield. Sonic growled, "Come on! I need to stop Dark Oak now! So I can beat the record! Stopping a season one episode early!"

"One episode early? That's the record?" Shadow questioned. "I stopped my show Shadow Z _twenty-five_ episodes early!"

"Yeah, 'cause it was cancelled." giggled Sonic.

"Take that back!" Shadow punched Sonic again, and they resumed wrestling.

Shadow soon got bored, so then he started reaching to take off his inhibitor rings. But Sonic said, "No, leave that for the final moment."

"No fair! You just want me to lose!" accused Shadow.

"Maybe I do, maybe I _don't_." Sonic cheekily said as he tried punching Shadow again.

"Okay, this is getting nowhere!" Tails observed angrily. He looked around suspiciously then whispered to the others, "Huddle, now. I don't want Sonic nor Shadow to hear us." So he and the ones that were in the control room did huddle. "I have a new plan: let's find all the energy we can find to supply the Sonic Drive Cannon."

_Oh, so it's now _Tails'_ plan to use all the spare energy on the cannon instead of it being Sonic's idea._

_Of course it is Tails' idea! Sonic _hates_ the cannon, remember?_

"But Sonic is in his super form. Could the cannon handle it?" asked Espio.

"What if the cannon still doesn't have enough power?" added Chris. "It might..." He glanced at Amy, then whispered the rest, "...get Sonic K-I-L-L-"

"KILLED?" screamed Amy as she held her hammer at Chris. "No way! I won't let you kill Sonic! Not until I kiss Sonic and get married to him and have many children with him!"

Espio noted, "You had a chance to kiss Sonic when he was in a coma."

"But I didn't because I was angry at him." grumbled Amy, remembering that party night.

"This is the only way, Amy." Tails stated. "Sonic will be fine. Look at him!" Amy watched Sonic get strangled by Shadow. "See? Regular Shadow would snap anyone's neck instantly when he strangles. But he's Super Shadow and Sonic is still okay. Granted, he's being pwned, but he's still fine nonetheless."

"...I WON'T LET YOU KILL SONIC!" Amy swung her hammer wildly, but the Chaotix managed to restrain her.

"Uh, a little more help, everyone?" asked Vector as he strained to secure Amy.

Chris walked over to the power controls and stated, "I'm re-wiring the Blue Typhoon's energy to the cannon." Soon all the lights started turning off. "Just hope the passengers are able to escape by starlight."

"And I'm compressing all the energy donuts to the cannon too." Tails said as he typed commands into the computer.

Eggman gleefully typed more stuff in his computer. "Oh, I can't wait to see Sonic come out of a cannon! Everyone else send all the spaceship's energy sources to the cannon!"

"Okay!" Bokkun chirped as he reached for Bocoe and Decoe.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Decoe cried.

"Eggman said _all_ energy sources!" explained Bokkun. "You two seem full of energy!"

"Speak for yourself!" snapped Bocoe as he pointed to Bokkun.

"BOKKUN!" shouted Eggman. Bokkun dropped the robots. "Every source _except_ robots and living beings."

On the Blue Typhoon, everything got darker and darker. Tails observed the current energy storage level and said, "This amount _might_ be sufficient, but it still seems questionable. Is there any other energy source we can use?"

Cream called from outside, "What about we use willpower energy?" Knuckles narrowed his eyes and he twitchily ran outside.

Knuckles clenched Cream's shoulders and shouted in her face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"Knuckles, get back inside and improve your behaviour!" demanded Tails. Knuckles reluctantly trudged back inside the control room. "I personally think willpower is a _great_ energy source! It's renewable and massive!"

_Wait, Tails thinks willpower actually works?_

Rouge nodded and agreed, "Yes, it might work. The only problem is that we all need something to believe in. That way we are motivated to generate energy from the heart."

"Wow Rouge, I never thought you were that deep." remarked Tails.

Rouge then shouted, "I say we all start believing in pretty jewels!"

"I take it back."

Chris suggested, "Maybe we should believe in Sonic. He's our main hero, after all."

"Sonic?" questioned Eggman. "No! Everyone should believe in God! God _Eggman_, that is!"

"Enough with the god charade!" groaned the robots.

"We shouldn't believe in _someone_, but rather some_thing_." Espio brought up. "Something that everyone is familiar with."

"Like lots of candy!" Charmy exclaimed.

Suddenly, the Dark Knight Batman appeared next to Tails. He declares in his loud, raspy voice, "We are _ready_... to show Dark Oak... that this _ship_... is _full_ of people... ready to believe in **GOOD**!"

"Uh, thanks for the suggestion, Christian Bale, but I'm the captain." Tails said as he slowly pushed Batman away. "Well, since I'm the captain, I say we should all believe in... Tailsmo!"

_Tails wants people to believe in his pairing? This makes _Batman's_ suggestion seem more likable!_

"I think that's a great idea!" Cosmo called from outside. She started chanting, "I believe in Tailsmo! I believe in Tailsmo!"

"Yeah, that's it! Everyone now!" Tails began shouting, "I believe in Tailsmo!"

"I believe in Tailsmo!" Chris declared.

"I believe in Tailsmo!" yelled Amy.

"I believe in Tailsmo." Rouge casually stated.

"I believe in Tailsmo!" Knuckles shouted. "And I'm only saying it to be useful!"

Cream hesitantly said, "I... b-believe in... T-taaaiilss...crea...mo."

"I believe in Tailsmo!" went Espio and Charmy.

"I believe in Tailsmo!" Vector announced. He quickly whispered, "But Vectanilla is better!"

Batman growled, "I believe in Harvey Den- I mean, **TAILSMO**!"

"We believe in Tailsmo!" Bocoe, Decoe, and Bokkun proclaimed.

Eggman mused, "I believe in Tailsmo. ...And I'm _God Eggman_."

"I believe in Tailsmo!" the passengers shouted.

Calvan pushed his way through the passengers and he yelled, "I believe in Tailsmo!" The people around him looked at him awkwardly. "I wanna live, don't you?"

"I believe in Tailsmo..." the evil step-family members found themselves mumbling.

"I believe in Tailsmo." Tonners said.

"I believe in Tailsmo!" Hertia declared.

"We believe in Tailsmo!" the shark gang announced.

"I believe in Tailsmo!" yelled the space dolphin.

The space octopus lightly uncovered his face and said, "I believe in Tailsmo..."

"I believe in Tailsmo!" shouted Indiana Jones spontaneously as he was in the middle of filming Cowboys & Aliens, making all the other actors confused.

House strummed his blues guitar and sang, "_I believe, in Tailsmo!_"

"I believe in Tailsmo!" yelled Helen in front of Danny and Francis.

Jonathan/Ben Sanderson/Benjamin Gates/Balthazar/Zok announced, "I believe in Tailsmo!"

"I believe in Tailsmo! And fairies!" Peter Pan shouted.

Vanilla looked out hopefully and she yelled, "I believe in Tailsmo!"

Stan Lee declared, "I believe in Tailsmo! 'Nuff said."

The Hydoo inhabitants shouted, "We believe in Tailsmo!"

Yoda stated, "In Tailsmo, I believe!"

The Marmolians held out their charms and chanted, "I believe in Tailsmo!"

"I believe in Tailsmo!" Chief Gana proclaimed. "The board says so!"

On Gana's Wheel of Fortune board, the message was, "I believe in Tailsmo".

"I believe in Tailsmo!" James Bond yelled as he hurriedly shoved through passengers.

Super Shadow heard the chants and sneered, "What a bunch of idiots..."

Super Sonic grabbed Shadow by the shoulder and said, "Come on! Get into the sudden Tailsmo spirit! I believe in Tailsmo!"

Tails looked around and he ordered, "Come on! Louder! I need audience participation! You can do it! I believe in Tailsmo!"

_Wait, by audience participation, does he mean..._

_Yes! Come on, Angie! I believe in Tailsmo! Say it! I believe in Tailsmo!_

_...Fine. I believe in Tailsmo._

_More spirit!_

_I believe in Tailsmo!_

"I believe in Tailsmo!" chanted everyone on the Blue Typhoon.

Dark Oak stammered, "I... b-believe in T- No! You can't break me that easily!"

"I believe in Tailsmo! I believe in Tailsmo!" proclaimed Tails. He glanced at the current energy storage level and saw that it was exactly the same as before. Everyone slowed down when they saw Tails' disappointment. "...Well then, that was completely pointless!"

_Wh-huh? Wait, does that mean I shouted, "I believe in Tailsmo" for no reason?_

_Pretty much._

_But you made me do it! And you _knew_ it wasn't gonna work since you knew the story!_

_But it's still nice to help Tails out anyway._

Back with Calvan, he shook the 'Tailsmo' nonsense out of his head and leaped into the boat where the step-family was boarding. "Well, glad I could finally make it out alive."

Gertruth grumbled, "And you're sure that everything else will go as planned?"

"Yep, as long as James Bond doesn't catch up to me." Calvan said, not knowing that James Bond was finally hot on his trail.

Bokkun looked at Eggman worriedly. "Eggman, do you think Super Sonic will be victorious?"

"I'm not sure about that..." sighed Dr. Eggman as a sweat drop ran down his forehead. "...Super _Shadow_, on the other hand, will be just fine!"

Cream started praying, "Please let Shadow win, please let Shadow win..."

Cosmo's amulet started shining importantly again. "What is it this time?" She looked around the burning ship (since all this time it was still on fire) and gazed at the nearby smoke. Cosmo gasped when she saw a silhouette of her mother in the smoke. "Whoa, the amulet is giving me hallucinations! Or is that just the fumes?"

The silhouette shouted, "Cosmo! Are you there?"

"I am here..." breathed Cosmo.

"Use your crystal amulet to save everyone!"

"If you say so, hallucination of Mother..." Cosmo slurred.

"Cosmo, what's going on?" asked Cream, pausing her prayers.

Cosmo, getting even more dazed on the fumes, responded, "Leave it all to me... I am the Chosen One to save the universe..."

"Cosmo! Don't you trust in Shadow and Sonic?"

"I will help you create a world where plants and animals co-exist..." Cosmo said with a druggish smile. She started rising higher as if she was high.

"Oh no! Cosmo's doing drugs!" cried Cream.

_Actually, it would be the fumes which apparently have the same affect as drugs._

Cosmo drunkenly took off her amulet and dropped it. Suddenly, from being clear of the smoke, Cosmo realized what she was doing. "Oh no! I didn't mean to drop it!" CRASH!

Cream ran over to the broken pieces and whimpered, "You dropped this..." But when Cream looked up, Cosmo was levitating and shining brightly. Cream gasped, "Cosmo's evolving!" At that, everyone started to watch Cosmo fly toward the planet and transform.

Meanwhile, Hertia rushed out of the smoke and called, "Cosmo! Where'd you go?" She then noticed that her child wasn't there. "Oh, I guess she was just a hallucination..." Hertia looked up to see a Seedrian transform quickly. "Hey, that girl reminds me of Cosmo!"

_GAAAAAAAAAH! They actually _see_ each other, and they don't realize it? When? WHEN?_

Cosmo grew taller and the flower buds in her hair bloomed. But then everyone got disturbed when they saw Cosmo grow breasts.

"AAAAAH!" wailed the crew. "Not enough Brain Bleach!"

Sonic asked, "Whoa, what brand of Viagra does she take?"

Cream, the only one not seeing the disturbing part of the transformation, ran into the control room in tears. "Cosmoooo!"

Tails looked over at Cream and asked, "You're _crying_ about this, Cream? I thought you were jealous of Cosmo!"

"I am!" wailed Cream. "I wanted her to stay here and let the _real_ hero save the day!" She continued crying loudly.

"Quiet, girl!" snapped Rouge as she slapped Cream.

"Don't treat her like that!" Amy spat. She shoved Rouge out of the way and repeatedly slapped Cream. "That's how you treat her!" Cheese floated up to Cream and slapped her.

"Whoa, he's good." Chris remarked.

"No, like this!" Knuckles punched Cream, knocking her across the room.

"KNUCKLES!" gasped everyone.

"I can't believe you hit a little girl!" scorned Amy.

"But you were slapping her!" objected Knuckles.

"And you wished you_ could_!" Rouge said coldly.

At the same time, Cosmo transformed into a full adult. "I've finally found out how to be useful. Unlike Knuckles."

Knuckles whined, "She did it more successively than _I_ did! WHYYYY?"

Vector suggested slyly, "Maybe if you grew breasts, you would become useful."

"VECTOR!" groaned everyone, now disgusted at the image Vector made.

Back at the gravity field, Sonic and Shadow competed against each other to break through it. "Give it up, Sonic. The fans want _me_ to win."

"Yeah, your little _fangirl_ group." snickered Sonic.

"Hey, the women are a large army!" As they continued to argue, Cosmo flew in between them and easily passed through the shield.

"...HEEEEY!" yelled the two as they banged their fists on the shield.

"Let us in!" Shadow demanded.

Sonic begged, "Please give us the magic Viagra!"

Shadow glanced at Sonic and snickered, "Oh, did _your_ supply run out?"

"Actually, that was _yours_." countered Sonic. Then they continued wrestling, not paying attention to what Cosmo was doing.

"I now know what to do..." Cosmo went into the planet, causing yet another blinding flash.

"Ugh, another bright light." groaned the passengers as they put on their sunglasses.

Tails just stared ahead. "Cosmo... you changed..." Cosmo had become a massive cherry blossom tree with roots covering Dark Oak's planet.

"Yet another cherry blossom tree. How original." sighed Sonic.

A transparent image of adult Cosmo appeared in front of the planet. "I have connected to Dark Oak and immobilized him. You can shoot me now."

Sonic glanced back to the Blue Typhoon and asked, "Tails? By 'shoot', does she mean what I think she means?" Tails didn't say anything because he was too shocked at what was going on.

Dr. Eggman looked out at the situation and figured, "If we seperate them now, the gravitational compression will make the planet explode. There's nothing else we can do." He then smiled and added cheerfully, "On the bright side, Cosmo was probably gonna be a tree when she grew up anyway. So it's good that she's doing this _now_ before Tails, you know, actually started to love her and all."

"Uh, Tails started loving Cosmo since they first _met_." reminded Amy.

Knuckles grabbed Chris and cried, "Tell me there's another way! We can't let Cosmo die! Can't!"

"Knuckles, you're not in love with her anymore." Chris said matter-of-factly.

"Oh yeah. Okay, shoot her." Knuckles sat back casually.

"How could you take this so lightly?" snapped Rouge. "We all wanted to stop her from becoming the true hero!"

"Yeah! I'm pretty sure we would've done _just_ fine with Super Shadow!" Cream added angrily.

_Sheesh, is everyone not caring about Cosmo?_

"Well, there's nothing else we could do." The Chaotix started chanting, "Shoot her! Shoot her! Shoot her!" Some of the other people started chanting with them.

"What?" yelped Tails. "Wh-what about the willpower of Tailsmo? You all just said that you believed in us!"

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean we _like_ it." clarified Knuckles. "Shoot her, shoot her, shoot her!"

_Oh, so not everyone liked the Tailsmo pairing. So why did they even bother to go along with saying that they believed in it?_

Tails didn't retaliate. "Everyone, could you just... leave me alone?"

"...Fine! Be that way!" sneered the others.

Cream spat tearfully, "I just wanted to comfort you so I could be your new girlfriend!" Batman just disappeared without a trace.

Once the group was out of the room, the Chaotix parted them and headed to the ship hold. "Vector, why are we leaving so soon?" questioned Espio.

"It's clear that we're not wanted anymore." replied Vector as he headed to his ship.

"Aww, I wanted to see Cosmo go boom." whined Charmy. "Can't we stay _just_ for that part?"

"Sorry, but when the captain tells you to leave, you gotta go!" Vector and the others climbed inside the ship and Vector got into the main seat. "There's still some remnants of GLaDOS in here! If I could just reactivate her..." He started pressing several buttons.

"Vector, don't do it!" Epsio ordered angrily.

"Hey look! I did it!" gasped Vector happily as the GLaDOS parts started lighting up. Espio quickly got in a combat stance.

_Wait, we're actually going to see more of GLaDOS?_

_Yep, it's just like she sang! She's _Still Alive_!_

"Oh, it's you." greeted GLaDOS coldly.

"Hi GLaDOS! I'm _GLaD_ you're all right!" Vector responded with a laugh.

"It's been a long time. How have you been?"

Vector bashfully answered, "Yes, it _has_ been too long, but I'm fine now that _you're_ back!"

Charmy whispered to Vector, "I think she likes you!"

GLaDOS continued, "I've been _really_ busy being dead. You know, after you _murdered_ me!"

"Wai- huh? No! I didn't murder you!" cried Vector worriedly. "It was _Shadow_, remember? With his crazy driving!"

"Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret." GLaDOS said, ignoring Vector's words.

"Wait, that _I'm_ going to regret?"

"But I think we can put our differences behind us." continued GLaDOS calmly. "For science."

"Phew, thank goodness!"

"...You monster."

"Huh? Wait! WAIT!" Vector tried pressing more buttons, but then he heard a hissing noise. The ventilation shafts started blowing neurotoxin into the room.

"I knew it! She was planning to poison us with neurotoxin all along!" Espio grabbed Vector's head and growled, "Now look at what you've done!"

"I-I'm sure I could fix this..." Vector turned back to the controls and asked, "GLaDOS, how do you calm down?"

Charmy buzzed around in the neurotoxin. "Wow, this feels funny, heheh! Ugh..." He then dropped to the floor unconscious.

Vector quickly headed to the doors and struggled to open them. GLaDOS spoke, "I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say that he won't be... well, living anymore."

"AAAAAAAAAH!" wailed Vector and Espio.

Back with Tails-

_Wait, we're not going to see what happens to them?_

_Don't worry. They'll be perfectly fine. What matters now is what happens to Cosmo. Pay attention, because this is the part that most people seem to mess up._

His hands hovered over the 'Fire Hedgehog' button. Tails still stared at the tree ahead. Eggman spoke on his intercom, "Tails, this is the voice of Eg- ...God! Yes, this is God! And I command you to do that famous prank you always do! You know, the one to trick Sonic inside the cannon."

Tails looked up and called monotonously, "Sonic, could you go inside the cannon please?"

"...Hmm, odd way to trick him, but if it works, I'll take it."

Sonic looked back at the Blue Typhoon and replied, "Yeah, after I defeat Shadow." He and Shadow continued wrestling.

"Sonic, I don't have the motivation to trick you anymore. Just go inside the cannon."

Now Sonic looked back confused. "Really? You're not trying to trick me anymore? You're just _telling_ me to go inside?"

"Yes."

"...Where's the fun in that?" cried Sonic.

"I'll show you!" Shadow grabbed Sonic and pushed him inside the cannon. "There!"

"Idiot! You're stuck here, too!" pointed out Sonic frustratedly.

"Huh?" CLANG! Any easy access out of the cannon was blocked. Shadow glared at Sonic and spat, "This is all your fault! If you just went inside yourself, I wouldn't have to be in here!"

"Hey, we're still Supers. We can bust outta here." Super Sonic tried punching the walls, but they didn't budge. "Grrr, curse your confusing armour, Tails!"

"Well, now that we're both here..." Super Shadow spin-dashed onto Sonic and continued trying to beat him up.

"Amazing! The energy level just spiked!" Eggman exclaimed.

"No, it's just Shadow." said Chris. Knuckles cringed in envy.

Dr. Eggman went on, "Anyway, Tails. It's time to fire the hedgehogs. Oh, and be quick about it, 'cause Dark Oak might not be so noble in waiting."

Tails' hand circled the button, but then he screamed, "I CAN'T DO IT!"

"Awwww!" groaned everyone else.

Eggman growled into the intercom, "Tails, there's nothing else you can do. You'll always have Cream to be your new love. So you know what I say? ...Get off your pity-pot, Nancy!"

_Wow, everyone is just being mean to Tails. Eggman was supposed to help calm Tails with this moment, but here he just acts completely in character!_

_Of course he acts in character!_

"But I don't want to hurt her!" whimpered Tails. "I wanted her to live with meee, I mean us. Oh, who am I kidding?"

"Tails, her sacrifice is gonna be more useful than Knuckles will ever be."

"Hey!" Knuckles yelled.

Eggman continued, "Do you have any idea what Cosmo is feeling?" Before Tails could answer, Eggman snapped, "Of course not! She's a plant!"

"WAAAAAAAA!" wailed Tails.

"Shut up, Tails!" Super Sonic shouted from inside the cannon. "This is getting painful enough as it is with Shadow!"

"Just shoot us out already!" Shadow growled. "This fight area is too small!"

Tails still hesitated to press the button. But then he heard Cosmo's voice say, "Tails? It's me, your favourite girl."

"Cosmo, what will I do without you?" Tails cried. "All those episodes we spent actually getting to know each other. The time we spent saving you from your step-family. And now it comes to this?"

"Do not worry Tails." Cosmo began, "When you shoot me, I shall spread my seeds across the galaxy. But only in the areas owned by America and Europe."

"Why only those areas?"

"Because everywhere else is a dictatorship." explained Cosmo.

_Apparently, Cosmo doesn't know about worldwide politics._

Tails still welled up with tears. "Tails, you must shoot me now." said Cosmo.

"How could you be smiling?" wailed Tails.

"We're _waiting_!" called Sonic impatiently.

"...I won't do it!" Tails slammed the button's cover.

"Aww man, so close!" groaned Sonic as he was still being hurt by colliding with Shadow so much.

Cosmo continued, "Tails, even if I am gone, my impact on everyone else shall remain. You'll always have the fanfic writers to come up with ways that I could come back to you."

Tails glanced at some of the passengers and already saw them argue over plausible theories. "Yeah, but no matter how good their fanfics are, they still won't be canon..."

Cosmo's image moved closer to Tails and said, "But you'll still have so many wonderful memories." She added slyly, "We had _fun_, right?"

Tails sniffled, "Yes, all that 'fun', ha."

"Tails, why is it that at this moment I see everyone's smiling faces?" inquired Cosmo. Many of the 'smiling faces' were actually wicked grins, waiting for the shot.

"We'll all miss you. I'll never forget you." Tails whimpered.

Peppy ordered on his radio, "Tails, use the cannon!"

"I'm sorry, Peppy! I've failed you!" whined Tails.

"Press the button!" snapped Eggman. "Press it or I shall use my powers to trash your butt!"

"Eggman, I know you're not a god." Tails sighed.

"STOP DRAGGING THIS OUT ANY LONGER!" screamed Sonic as Super Shadow held him in a headlock.

Tails stared at the image of Cosmo. "Cosmo... I LOVE YOU! I ALWAYS HAVE!"

"Don't say _that_!" Shadow spat.

Cosmo made a heart with her hands and asked sweetly, "Tails? Soulmate?" Tails sniffled and slowly started smiling through his tears.

Knuckles shoved Tails out of the way. "Knuckles BORED!" He slammed the button, releasing the hedgehogs in a blast of power.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

><p><em>Wow, I tried making the saddest moment in the history of Sonic X funny. Is this a new low for me? Well, please tell me what you thought in the reviews, and I shall have the last chapter up hopefully by Labour Day. (Brace yourself, 'cause the last chapter is when it gets <em>really_ messed up.)_

_P.S. The Fanfiction _community_... is _full_ of people... ready to believe in _**TAILSMO!**


	26. So Long Wack

_Hello everybody, and welcome to the final episode! First I'd like to take a moment to thank all the people that took the time to review this fanfic. In order of appearance, here they are: Alisi Thorndyke, swiftshadow123, Metalshadow1909, EpicShadowdragon, StealthTheBat, Snowy the Eevee, darkofficer, Snickerdoodle8P, ChaosGamer, Storm337, Miles of Zelda, and Jazz The Twilight Gaia. I'd also like to thank everyone that favourited this story and those that even added it to their story alerts! Anyway, without further delay, here is the final episode!_

Episode 26: So Long Wack

On Mobius, the Chaotix lied inside the Chaotix Detective Agency hungover once again.

_Hold up, hold up! We're cutting from Tails- or, rather, Knuckles shooting Cosmo to the Chaotix?_

_It's so people won't worry about the Chaotix too long since we left them inside that neurotoxin!_

_Okay, let's get this over with._

Once again, Vector was lying down in his chair with his hand over his head. "Urrgh, I had so much alcohol last night, I forgot almost everything that happened since GLaDOS tried to kill us." The doorbell started ringing, triggering Vector's hangover crankiness. "Aah! Charmy! CHAAARMYYYYY! Get the door!"

Charmy buzzed around inside the locker he was sleeping in, then he burst out drunkenly. "Uh, what's going on?"

_Are you just repeating everything that happened the first time we see the Chaotix in this story?_

"The door's ringing!" Vector grumbled. "If it's the paperboy, tell him to shove the papers up his rear end!"

Charmy bumbled over to the door and opened it to find Vanilla. "Hey Vanilla! Shove your papers up your rear end!"

Vector's eyes shot open. "AAAAAAAAAAH!" He shoved Charmy out of the way to talk to Vanilla himself. "Hello Miss Vanilla! What my colleague means to say is that... it's sure glad to see ya!"

"Strange, I didn't get that impression at all." Vanilla sniffed the air and she asked, "Were you drinking?"

"Wh- Of course not!" lied Vector. "It's... my new cologne! I wore it just for you!"

"Well maybe you should change it." Vanilla held up a picnic basket and added, "By the way, I thought everyone was supposed to get ready for a picnic today."

"Picnic... today?" asked Vector.

"Didn't you get the memo?"

Vector glanced at the large pile of mail (most of them threat letters for not paying the electricity bill). "Uh, I got it, I think..." He quickly woke up Espio and grabbed Charmy back with him. "But we're all set to go!"

"Where are we going?" asked Espio drowsily.

"On a picnic, _remember_?" Vector prompted.

"...No."

"Da ha ha! You're so funny, Espio! And I thought you had no sense of humour!" laughed Vector as he patted Espio on the back harshly. Once everyone was mostly sober, the group sat at a table outside and they were eating Vanilla's pastries.

"I apologize for bringing just desserts." Vanilla said as she started eating a slice of cake. "I thought you would read the memo and provide the main course."

"Ah, don't worry about it! I can't cook anyway!" Vector quickly started shoving cakes into his mouth. "Oh, who knew lies tasted so good?"

Charmy went from being hungover to having a sugar high. "Wow, whocaresaboutamaincourse? ! Cake, pie, cookies, and..." The hangover was taking over again. "Iiiiiice... creeeeaaaaaaam..." he slurred before dropping face-first into cream pie.

Vanilla smiled and added, "If you like my food so much, I'd be glad to send you more!"

Espio suddenly got cutesy big eyes and he asked, "You'd really do that? This is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for us!" He leaned closer to Vanilla and sighed, "I see what Vector sees in you now..." Vector glared at Espio and slapped him. "...Oh, it's a bunny." he realized dully as he came to his senses.

Later, Vector and Vanilla were walking through the forest, talking about the previous events. "Your cakes were tight! Now I know where Cream gets her bakery skills from!"

Vanilla giggled, "Vector, you're so flattering."

"AHA! You _do_ want me!" gasped Vector knowingly.

"Uh, no that's not what I meant."

"Oh, sorry." Vector continued walking along and he began, "While we were in space, I had to fight off _two_ insane computers!"

"Really?" asked Vanilla intrigued. "What happened?"

"Well, there I was! My back against the wall. In my face was the meanest AI to have a gender!" started Vector enthusiastically. "Oh yeah, it was a she. But she wasn't hotter than _you_! I mean, the very notion of being attracted to a computer is completely ridiculous, heheh..." he added quickly. "Anyway, the computer was like 'I hate you. Die by neurotoxin!' and I was like 'Never! I could take a _bath_ in this stuff! Rub it in my eyes, pour it in my cereal!'"

"That seems awfully brave! How did you escape?"

"Simple!" Vector raised his finger, trying to think of an answer. He whispered to invisible Espio next to him, "How did we escape?"

"I threw GLaDOS' personality cores into the incinerator." hissed Espio.

"Okay!" Vector turned back to Vanilla and replied, "I threw her metal testicals into a fire!"

"Oh my!"

Espio grumbled, "_Personality_ _cores_."

"SAME THING!" snapped Vector loudly. He saw Vanilla's confusion and quickly laughed, "But still, we managed to make it out alive. And the only thing that motivated me was you..." Vanilla chuckled bashfully.

"By the way, Vector, what happened to Cream and the others?" asked Vanilla. "I haven't received word of them yet." Vector again raised his finger, trying to think of another answer.

"Uhhh... that _is_ a bit of a mystery." Vector remarked. "But first why don't we talk about something more important: me!"

_All right, I've heard enough about Vector. Can you just take me back to Sonic and the others?_

_Yes. But for this next part, I need you to write down everything that happens _exactly_ as I say it. You tend to interrupt me too much, so I need you to just listen well, since this will show you what _really_ happened to Cosmo._

_...What?_

"YOU KILLED HER! YOU KILLED HER!" shouted Tails to Knuckles over and over again, hitting him repeatedly.

"Sheesh, no need to have Tourette's!" Knuckles said as he didn't flinch to the hits. While everyone else was focused on the scene with Tails and Knuckles, the beam carrying Sonic and Shadow headed straight for Cosmo.

But then a shard of Narcissus' mirror bounced Sonic and Shadow simultaneously away from the planet, into the black hole that Mario fell in earlier. The hedgehogs got stretched into spaghetti and tumbled on top of Mario's spaceship. At the same time, Mario and Luigi were setting up two flagpoles with flags representing each plumber. The elastic property of the hedgehogs made the two link onto the flagpoles and get stretched by the remaining inertia. Then like rubber bands, they got flung out of the black hole and the super hedgehogs regained their solid properties. They soared back to the Blue Typhoon, crashing into the kitchen and knocking over a pot of hot soup. "I hate you." grumbled Super Sonic to Shadow.

The chef that was trying to collect his items slipped on the puddle of soup, causing him to drop the several pots and pans he was carrying. The loud clanging sounds of the pots startled a small mouse, making it run out of the mousehole and out into the hallways. The presence of the mouse scared a female passenger, causing her to run for help. But then she bumped into a kid carrying a ball, making the kid drop the ball, causing the ball to roll away. "I lost my ball!" wailed the kid. "This is the _worst_ thing that has happened to me on this trip!"

The ball bounced off several walls, knocking over several people like dominos, ultimately causing the last one to almost go overboard. Another passenger hurried to pull that guy back, but then he bumped into a table that had a cup of coffee. The coffee spilled on Pheonix Wright's evidence, so he yelled, "OBJECTION!"

Pheonix Wright's soundwaves shattered another man's eyeglasses, causing a shard to get stuck in the man's eye. The man, partially blinded, ran around for medical attention with his arms out. Since he was blinded, the man accidentally pulled off a woman's shirt, making another man get distracted by the sight. As that man was distracted, he bumped into the wall, causing him to rebound and fall into garbage cans. The cans spill the trash, making a rollerblader skid out of the way only to crash into a hotdog cart. The cart rolled away until it knocked over phone booths, also like dominos. The booths got crushed, destroying the phones, setting them on fire. The fire spread to a stand of toy penguins, burnt a leg of the stand, making the penguin toys fall out and also catch on fire. One burning toy penguin scared a dog, causing the dog to run away until it knocked over another passenger carrying bags of food. The food attracted several birds, causing them to take off and leave feathers, which offset a paint can balancing on a beam, making the can fall on top of a man trying to read a newspaper. The man stumbled for help, but then he toppled over a mime, making the mime cry, "OUCH!"

A passenger that was watching the mime got angry that the mime broke the number one rule of mime and tried slapping him. But the slap instead hit another guy, and that person tried retaliating, but the hit impacted a carpenter carrying nails, making the nails fly into the air. A nail bounced into the ventilation shaft, rolled down it until it fell into a secured room with VIP items. The nail jammed into a briefcase keyhole, unlocking it and making antique marbles roll out. The marbles went through a big Hot Wheels track, making a marble fly off the ramp and knock over an umbrella. The umbrella fell on top of a statue, making the statue topple into several crates. The crates fell over and landed on a catapult, which flung the crates across the room and on top of an ignition button for a machine labelled, "Deus Ex Machina".

_...I'm sorry, WHAT? You expect me to believe that chain reaction, let alone _write it all down_? And why is there suddenly a machine called "Deus Ex Machina"?_

_The chain reaction was to show how that machine got activated, and if you let me continue, I shall tell you how it helped our heroes!_

The "Deus Ex Machina" machine generated a lot of energy, growing louder and louder, until out of the machine came... none other than Chuck Norris.

_...Chuck Norris? Okay, ever since you told me that there were loads of famous people in this story, I tried not to mind them. But... Chuck Norris? Out of a machine?_

_Because Chuck Norris is a god that came out of a machine! Wait, he's better than a god._

Chuck Norris stomped out of the VIP item room and toward the front of the Blue Typhoon. He grabbed a piece of a star and ate it, which made him gain the intense energy that makes Chuck grow into a giant. Tails looked out and gasped, "Chuck Norris? The Deus Ex Machina created _you_?"

Chuck spat, "It didn't create me. I was inside the machine before it was even built! I just had to get unleashed."

_How is that possible?_

_Anything's possible with Chuck Norris!_

Knuckles raised his hand and spoke up, "I did it! I fired the hedgehogs that bounced off the mirror into the black hole-"

"Who cares?" interrupted Rouge. "We have Chuck Norris!" Knuckles sat back down in disappointment.

Chuck stared at the Dark Oak planet and declared, "I think our next place to annihilate is where the Metarex and wannabe Metarex types hang out!" He leaped high into space and then proceeded to rip the fabric space-time with his bare hands. Then Norris did a giant roundhouse kick at the planet, which instantly seperated Cosmo and Dark Oak, simultaneously transforming them into their original forms.

"The roundhouse kick somehow reverted me back to my original age!" cried Cosmo as she flew across space and in front of Tails.

_Are you serious? Cosmo is actually _alive_? Because of _CHUCK NORRIS_?_

Dark Oak, now back in his Lucas form, was however sent deep into the space-time hole Chuck Norris made. Inside the hole, Lucas was travelling at high speeds in a tunnel of coloured light. "My God, it's full of stars!" breathed Lucas.

_I thought we were done with the Space Oddysey references!_

He kept racing down the tunnel until Lucas suddenly found himself standing in a heavenly forest. Lucas looked around and saw a bright figure in front of him. "Hertia? Is that really you?"

Hertia explained, "Technically, this is your _hallucination_ of Hertia. But since you know the real Hertia so much, this one will be completely in character as if I actually _am_ Hertia!"

"...That doesn't make any sense, but I'll take it!"

_No, I just can't take it. No._

"So, you finally learned your lesson?"

Lucas sighed, "Yes, I now know that it's not nice to use the Planet Eggs for selfish, science fiction purposes." He then asked excitedly, "Can you make me dinner now? Because I was waiting a _millenium_ for another one of your dinners!"

_Again with the dinner?_

"I'm sorry, the real Hertia would've _loved_ to make you dinner. But I'm just a hallucination."

Lucas dropped to his knees and cried, "NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Don't worry, Lucas." Hertia pointed toward the forest and said, "Your fate awaits you over there. It'll be worth much more than my dinners!"

Lucas walked into the forest to see progressively older versions of himself. Some of them were dressed formally and eating dinner. At the very end, the oldest form of Lucas lied down in bed. "Everyone, quiet! I'm trying to die here!" snapped the very old Lucas. Once everyone else was silenced, old Lucas sighed, "Well, I'm done for, but at least I don't have to see another Planet Egg again, heheheh." But then he looked toward the foot of his bed to see another Planet Egg. Lucas pleaded, "No, stay away! Stay away!" But the Planet Egg's power transformed Lucas into a seed. The seed started orbiting Mobius as Also Sprach Zarathustra (the Space Oddysey theme) started playing. Lucas sang to the tune, "_Hoooooolyyyyyy craaaaaaaaaap! This suuuuuuucks! It sucks so bad, makes me real mad, it's rather sad._" But then the seed started moving away from Mobius. "Wait, I wasn't finished singing! Nooooooooo!"

_...That... I don't know what to say._

Tails gazed at Cosmo, who was perfectly fine. "Cosmo, you're alive! Knuckles didn't kill you after all!"

"Yeah, could you believe what would happen if I _did_ die?" added Cosmo, and both of them were laughing.

_That is not a laughing matter! Cosmo _did_ die! Or, at least, she's not with us now._

"Uh, I hate to bring bad news now, but it seems like the Planet Egg is about to explode!" yelled Eggman. "Quick, we must ditch these losers!"

"We can't, _genius_." grumbled Decoe.

"You wanted to use up all our energy!" Bocoe groaned.

"Just to see Sonic fly out of a cannon!" added Bokkun exasperatedly.

"Okay, just a minor setback..." Dr. Eggman assured. "I'm sure Chuck Norris will save us somehow." He looked up ahead, but Chuck Norris wasn't anywhere to be seen. "If he hadn't left so soon, that is..."

_What? First you introduce the thing that was the hardest to believe, and then you expect me to believe that he just... disappeared?_

Chris looked at the ship and figured, "If the Blue Typhoon wasn't torn in half, the escape pods would work for us to save our lives."

_Wait, escape pods? I thought they had lifeboats!_

_Did I say lifeboats? No, I'm pretty sure I said escape pods._

But just in the nick of time, the space octopus decided that he had to do something important. So the octopus wrapped his tentacles around the halves of the ship and struggled to weld them back together.

_Wh-b- moving on!_

The octopus raised his head toward Tails and Cosmo and whimpered, "I'm sorry about this. It's all my fault."

"No, space octopus! It isn't!" assured Cosmo.

_Since Cosmo is a friend to all living creatures, apparently._

Cosmo stated, "This all happened because of a greedy, evil Seedrian! Calvan!"

_Oh, so it wasn't Dark Oak that destroyed the Blue Typhoon and all this chaos. No, it was _all because_ of a greedy, evil Seedrian that happened to be in a whaling scheme. I'm guessing the lesson here is to always blame somebody else for tradgedies._

_Yes, because everybody deserves to at least blame _somebody_!_

The octopus took a deep breath, and held it as he went back under to fix the Blue Typhoon. As Tails and Cosmo were left pondering why an octopus has to suddenly hold his breath in space, the space dolphin excitedly announced, "The space whales! The space whales are here!" The dolphin looked back sadly and added, "If... they weren't... extinct."

_Wait, so the space whales were extinct anyway? That made Calvan's plan entirely pointless! And yet we still have a giant space octopus, space dolphins that practice Moon Magic, and a gang of space sharks with ray guns. Rich._

Super Shadow, who was back outside with Super Sonic, suddenly punched Sonic's stomach. "OOW!" yelped Sonic high-pitched. His voice choked up and Sonic continued being high-pitched. "Ow! Ow! Why'd you do that?"

"I wanted to have the last laugh." snickered Shadow. "Besides, since no one volunteered to make a heroic sacrifice yet, I shall do it because I'll be awesome."

"But did you have to punch me in the nuts?" Sonic squeaked.

"No, I punched in the _stomach_. Wow, you don't even know your own anatomy."

"Actually, _you_ don't know your own anatomy, Shadow." spoke up Chris. "Hedgehogs have their... 'nuts' near their stomach. So that explains Sonic going all high-pitched."

Knuckles remarked, "Well, there goes Amy's dream of having children with Sonic."

"WAAAAAAAAAA!" bawled Amy as she cried on Cream's shoulder. She grabbed one of Cream's ears and blew her nose into it.

"Ew!" groaned Cream, and Cheese floated up to Amy and slapped her.

Shadow took off his rings and mused, "I hope you understand that I had no choice. I couldn't risk letting this opportunity get away." He headed toward the planet and shouted, "CHAOS CONTROL!" There was another bright flash, and all that was left was a shining light in the planet's place.

"Eggman, is that were the tree used to be?" asked Bokkun stupidly.

"Noooo sh*t, Sherlock!" Dr. Eggman grumbled.

Knuckles looked at everyone else gazing at where Shadow was. "Eh, he didn't have enough power anyway."

"Oh, Shadow..." sighed Rouge dreamily.

From the shining light came something like a meteor shower. "Look! Those are all Planet Eggs returning to their home planets!" Eggman observed. Some of the Planet Eggs hit the ship like hailstones. "Ouch! Hey! That's it, we're out of here!"

"But I thought we didn't have anymore energy!" said Bocoe.

"Then use willpower energy!" ordered Eggman.

"Not _that_ again." groaned Decoe.

"Come on, altogether now! I believe in God Eggman!"

_Ah, God Eggman. How uncharming._

Everyone else headed for the escape pods with the help of the octopus. Tails led Cosmo to the pod that had his nanny inside, and they all got set to take off. As the preparations were being made, Hertia looked at Cosmo and mused, "Earlier I saw you and you reminded me of my daughter."

"Oh, that's nice." Cosmo took out her locket that was only mentioned in episode 3 and sighed, "It's nice that Tails has a motherly figure. I lost mine goodness knows how long ago."

_Open the friggin' locket to see that friggin' Hertia is Cosmo's friggin' lost mother!_

_Watch your language!_

Cosmo opened the locket to look at the picture of her mother again. "See? This is all I remember of her."

Hertia was shocked, and then happy. "Why, that's me! And that must mean... you're Cosmo!"

"Wh- it _is_ you! You're my mother!" At last the mother and daughter were reunited.

_Yep. On the same friggin' escape pod on the same friggin' cruise ship. What are the odds?_

Hertia teared up and said, "I hope you understand that neither I nor your father wanted to give you up."

"Well, my father didn't know about me at the time he became evil, so that's understandable." Cosmo went back to joyfully crying and she added, "I never thought that you would abandon me. You just... disappeared while I got kidnapped by a step-family, with no way to contact you."

"Yes, about that..."

*Hertia's Flashback*

The refugee ship rocked violently as Hertia tried searching for Cosmo. "Oh, where is she? Did she decide to hide herself in shame of the missing pie?"

_You had to bring up the pie again!_

Suddenly, a bunch of Metarex soldiers surrounded Hertia. "Raise your hands, lady!"

"Fine, I will." Hertia raised her hands, then brought them down in a karate chop! She performed more martial arts moves, destroying the soldiers.

_What? WHAT? Hertia knows kung fu?_

More soldiers were coming after her. "I guess I have no choice." Hertia ran down the hallways and found an escape pod. She got inside and took off, leaving the ship behind her. "I know I will find Cosmo someday. But I think I need to settle down and be a parental figure to someone else..."

*End Hertia's Flashback*

"So I landed on Mobius, Tails hired me as his nanny, and here we are!" finished Hertia.

Tails commented, "I _knew_ something might've made you two connected. Guess that detail was oblivious to me."

_Oblivious? These people are getting as dumb as Big!_

Everyone managed to escape on the pods. Unfortunately, the space octopus wasn't so fortunate. He couldn't hold his breath any longer and had to go down with the Blue Typhoon. The space dolphins gathered at the sunken space cruise ship and dropped space flowers at the octopus' grave.

_Well, that sucks. Let's just get back Mobius._

On Mobius, Amy and Cream carried a bunch of desserts along the road. "It's so nice of you to help me out with my plot, Amy!" Cream remarked as she pulled a tray of cakes.

"Yep, I know where you're coming from." responded Amy as she held out her apple pie. "Tails won't be able to resist _this_!"

"Tails will gain weight and won't be able to get away! And then I'll make him fall in love with _me_!" declared Cream wickedly.

"Chao!" snickered Cheese.

_Okay, Cream, Cheese, and Amy are suddenly evil? I'm still getting weirded out._

Sonic insanely ran about the fields. "Ha ha ha ha ha! Finally! I am able to start my _real_ vacation! And no one! Can! Stop! MEEEEEEE!" He continued kicking up the flowers and crushing sprouts.

_Sonic's becoming a herbicidal maniac? Uh..._

Rouge gazed at the empty capsule that held Shadow. "I wonder what happened to Shadow?"

"Eh, he was a bore, anyway." sneered Eggman as he observed his mustache in the mirror.

"Stop looking at yourself!" Rouge grabbed Eggman's mirror and smashed it against the wall.

"No! Now what else can I look at?" Eggman wailed. He glanced back at Rouge and said, "Hey look! Breasts!" SMACK! "Fine, do what you want with me." grumbled Eggman as he rubbed his facial wound. "After all, our dysfunctional family is broken up. We no longer need to live a lie."

"Good! I'm tired of this anyway." stated Rouge.

"Fine. Pack your bags, because I'm going to be torching the Crimson Egg soon."

Meanwhile, Knuckles was busy carefully putting the last piece of the Master Emerald together. "Almost... got it..."

"Hey Knuckles!" called Tails, causing Knuckles to flinch, making the Emerald pieces fall apart.

Knuckles cringed in fury, but then he took a few breaths. "Hoo, it's a fine day today. I don't need to be lashing in anger anymore. I just need to relax from my usefulness." He lied down and added, "You won't be making me clench people's shoulders again! So Tails, what's the big news?"

Tails held Cosmo's hand and he announced, "Cosmo and I are getting married! Today!"

_What the HECK? B-but they're so young!_

Knuckles sat up on impulse, but then he relaxed himself. "Nope, not gonna say it..."

Amy ran toward Knuckles and squealed, "Guess what? I'm pregnant with Sonic's baby!"

_That better be a prank..._

Knuckles took a deep breath in and sighed, "About time Sonic knocked you up."

Sonic sped beside Knuckles and taunted, "You're so lonely, you think the Master Emerald is your girlfriend!"

Knuckles twitched a few times. "True love will come... s-s-sssomeday."

Charmy buzzed toward Knuckles and told him, "Guess what? You were voted 'most useless character'!"

Knuckles clenched his teeth and gritted, "I d-d-don't care wh-what others sssay of me..."

The "magic towel seller" Marmolian walked up to Knuckles and told him, "I'm afraid there's been a mistake. I sold you the 'wrong' towel before. But I can give you the 'real' towel for free if you give me all your money."

Knuckles shakily held up his fists, then put them down and stuttered, "F-f-fine by me."

Chris walked up and asked, "Hey Knuckles! Can I build my house here?"

Knuckles clenched Chris' shoulders and shouted in his face, "ARE YOU CRAZY?"

"...I thought we could be neighbours..." Chris whimpered.

"YOU PEOPLE WRITE YOUR NAMES ON YOUR LAND!" fumed Knuckles. "I don't want ANY of that!"

_Since when did Chris imply that their names are written on land?_

"Whoa, calm down!" Sonic said as he put his arm around Knuckles. "We came all this way to cheer you up, and _this_ is how you treat us?"

_B-w-h-j- Knuckles doesn't deserve that! Sonic didn't even come to make him feel better!_

Cosmo added scornfully, "And we don't want you to be in a bad mood for my wedding!"

_...The wedding's serious?_

In the chapel, Tails and Cosmo were at the altar. In the stands sat several of the passengers and guest stars, all awaiting the "I do"s. Dr. Eggman stood at the podium with a book titled "Nelson Physics 11" and pretended to read, "Dearly beloved! We are gathered in front of me, God Eggman, so I can unite these two in legal metronomey!"

"Uh, don't you mean 'holy matrinomy'?" asked Tails.

"Not what the good book says!" Eggman then continued, "Do you, Miles 'Two-timer'- I mean, Tails Prower, take this plant to be your awfully wedded slave?"

"Wait, can we get a _professional_?" Tails spat. Some uniformed officials went inside and dragged Eggman away.

"Wait! I'm a god! You can't do this to me!" wailed Eggman before he was banned from the chapel.

_Why did they even allow him inside in the first place?_

After Eggman was taken outside, the Steve Martin Inspector Clouseau, dressed as the Pope, walked to the podium and said, "I will perform zee ceremony! Because justeece is justeece, and because Fwance, is Fwance!"

"Uh, we're on _Mobius_, but I guess you're close enough." Tails said as he and Cosmo got back into position. So Clouseau performed the ceremonies as close as he could, and Tails and Cosmo were officially husband and wife.

Nicolas Cage muttered, "Maybe I'll wear this tuxedo to a party I was actually invited to." Suddenly, a bunch of police officers surrounded him and put handcuffs on him.

"Mr. Cage, you're under arrest for impersonating your previous film roles without being in a new movie yet."

Cage sighed, "Is there a door that doesn't lead to prison?"

"Someone's gotta go to prison, Cage."

"I would love not to go to prison." Nic pleaded blandly. "I couldn't even dream of going to prison."

"Tell that to the film critics." growled the officer as he dragged Cage away.

_Okay, so Tails and Cosmo are married and Nicolas Cage is arrested. Well, I guess that's it for this scene-_

"Way to go, you two!" congratulated Sonic. "You managed to get married before I could! ...Now step aside, 'cause Amy and I are next!" He and Amy strode up to the altar as the wedding music replayed.

_Wait, I thought it was just Tails and Cosmo._

"And us! We're getting married too!" called out Knuckles as he grabbed Rouge and stood in line.

"What?" Rouge sneered in disgust.

Vanilla walked up to Cream and told her excitedly, "Guess what? Me and Mr. Vector are going to be married too!"

"HUH?" Cream yelped.

Vector put his arms around Vanilla and declared, "Say hello to your new daddy!" Even Cheese was too shocked to slap him, which allowed Vector and Vanilla to stand in line too.

Bernella and Hortasia walked up hand-in-hand with Horkirk and Jasdirk respectively. "We're getting married as well! With these guys' money, we've finally got it made!"

"Uh, why did you drag us here?" questioned Jasdirk and Horkirk as they slowly tried getting away.

Calvan stood in line with Gertruth and reasoned, "Well, I guess it'll be more simple to marry Gertruth anyway."

"Hold it right there, Baron!" James Bond shouted before he got out a taser and zapped Calvan. "After several months of deducing on the cruise ship, I have finally singled all the suspects down to Calvan!" He then handed Calvan a Russian nesting doll and added, "From Russia with love."

"Hey, thanks!" Calvan said as his hands were out holding the doll. Then Bond put the cuffs on him. "Wait, I didn't get to participate in the mass marraige! NOOOOO!" he wailed as he was dragged away. That was the last Cosmo saw of him. As Gertruth had to get out of the line, Espio and a ninja hooker took their place.

_Why is everyone getting married? What's next? Bocoe and Decoe are getting married too? Wait, no no no-_

Decoe and Bocoe eagerly walked in line, holding hands.

_AAAAAAH! Skip it! SKIP IT!_

_Fine, picky picky._

The several wedded couples gathered for a big photo moment. But suddenly, the space dolphin swam in and announced, "I have wonderful news! Look!" The next thing everyone knew, the space octopus crashed into the chapel, alive and well.

_Huh? The s-s-sp-pace oct-t-t-top-p-pusss is ALIVE?_

Cream pointed to the tentacles and gasped excitedly, "Look! All the other people that didn't survive are back too!" The octopus reached his tentacles inside the chapel and indeed all the others that were thought to have died slid inside.

_WHAT? No! No! That can't be true!_

Lucas, in his original form, walked up to Hertia and said, "At last, I'm sorry! Now we can get remarried and you can make me those wonderful dinners!"

Hertia sighed happily, "Ah yes, it's been a while since I made your favourite meals." She and Lucas also went in line for marraige.

_Really? Lucas is back with _no_ explanation whatsoever?_

The other Metarex members, including the four kings, also arrived back in their Seedrian forms. "Yeah! I thought I was spaghetti!" Red Pine remarked.

Zelkova munched on rice curry and laughed, "I knew this stuff would save me!"

Narcissus took off his robe and swung it around wildly. "All right! Which of you is attracted to me?"

"Gaah! I wish I could take off my head!" spat Pale Bay Leaf as he shielded his eyes.

The pop-culture referencing Jaws swam into the chapel and declared, "I'm BACK in BLACK!"

_Okay, granted Jaws is known to unexpectedly come back to life, but at least everyone else better stay dead!_

The Optimus Prime fanbot stomped into the room with his sword. "I have returned from the dark of the moon!"

Scratch cackled, "We're back in one piece again! Ba ha ha ha!"

"Wow, didn't we get decapitated?" asked Grounder.

_A surprisingly legitimate question from Grounder._

The squirrel character from the Obidon film also came back. "Greetings, Mobians! I have recieved word that you watched my fictional documentary!"

_Wh-b- the skeleton..._

Lara Croft burst into the room and panted, "Just to let everyone know... I got out of that place okay." A firefly buzzed beside her and she added, "Oh, and the firefly that Dark Oak squished was alive as well."

_Even the friggin' _firefly_ comes back?_

Tommy Wiseau walked into the room and chortled monotonously, "Yeah, I'm alive! I did it! Now everyone won't betray me anymore!" Everyone else pushed him out of the chapel.

Wheatley and the Space Core crashed into the chapel. "Wow, we're back!" cheered Wheatley. "...And everyone's turned into animals! AAAH!"

"Space! Wanna go back to space!" the Space Core manically shouted.

There was a bright flash, and Shadow, Molly, Leon, and the other Trekkies made it back with Chaos Control. "Did you really think you were going to leave us dead?" snickered Shadow.

Suddenly, Mary Sue glomped Shadow and cheered, "Hooray! I brought us back to life and on this planet!"

Shadow struggled to get Mary Sue off. "I tried to leave her behind! I swear!"

Really_? Even Mary Sue comes back even though no one wanted her back._

Knuckles chuckled, "I guess Shadow's found his match after all." But Rouge gave him some papers. "Huh? What's this?"

"Our divorce papers. I'm marrying Shadow now!" Rouge squealed as she grabbed Shadow and headed for the free altar.

"Huh? NOOOO!" Knuckles cleared his throat and spat, "Well I've moved on too!" He tried assembling the Master Emerald and attempted to kiss it, but it broke apart. "No, almost got it." Knuckles tried again, but he still failed. "Aw, come on!"

_Okay, Shadow's back, and he jumped on the marraige bandwagon. At least no one else could've possibly-_

Lucky the Vulture flew inside and landed on Sonic's shoulder. "Wow! I'm back! Now I can sing more beautiful love songs!"

"AAAAAAAH! I thought I cooked you!" cried Sonic.

_So did I._

"It's a con_spir_acy!" hissed the Air Conditioner.

"Uh, I think the conspiracy's done now." reminded Tails. "You can go back to being a regular air conditioner."

"So that's just it, right? I was _made_ to be stuck to this wall!" growled the A/C. Tails and Cosmo backed away as he kept ranting.

Fox McCloud did a triumphant pose and stated, "Mission, complete!"

Galaxina, followed by the other Seedrians, also walked into the chapel. "Tada! We're alive too!"

_...That's it? No more surprise returns? ...Okay, that was... a-a-alot to take in, b-but I can still m-m-manage._

Sonic looked around and declared, "Now that all the couples are married, we can end with a dance party!"

HAL spoke up, "I would be glad to provide the dance music."

Knuckles gasped in delight, "Hal's back! YAY!" Everyone watched Knuckles awkwardly as he ran to "hug" Hal on the wall.

"Back off, hedgehog." sneered GLaDOS, who was right beside Hal. "He's _mine_."

_I don't believe it! Even the computers are back to life! ...And they're married!_

So they all had a great big dance party, with GLaDOS occasionally singing. Rouge, for the fun of it, took out Bokkun's necklace and grinned at the picture of Cream in it. "Rouge, why do you have a picture of Cream in your locket?" questioned Shadow.

"What? NO! It's not mine!" denied Rouge. "It's Bokkun's!"

"Why do you have Bokkun's necklace?"

"Duh! So he can do all our chores!" snapped Rouge.

Shadow grinned and sighed, "Ah, that's why I love you."

Rouge looked over to Bokkun and snickered, "See? I still have your locket, so you have to do what I say if you don't want me to reveal it to anyone!"

Bokkun shrugged and replied, "Ah, go ahead. I'm married to Cream anyway!"

_Oh! You just _had_ to sneak in another surprise marraige, huh? Without _any_ hint of it happening before! Whatever happened to Cream's plot to make Tails fall in love with her?_

Cream embraced Bokkun and said happily, "I don't need Tails now that I have you."

"Come here everyone! It's time to cut the cake!" announced Tails as he approached the wedding cake.

Suddenly, Sideshow Bob popped out of the cake with a cleaver in hand. "Who wants a big _slice_?" cackled Bob, making everyone else flee the chapel. He looked around in confusion. "...No seriously, who wants a big slice?"

_...I don't get why Bob had to be in that cake._

Chris got out of the chapel and looked back at everyone having a good time. Suddenly, he heard a familiar voice hiss, "Psst! Boy! Over here!" Chris looked around and saw Eggman in the distance.

Chris cautiously walked over to Eggman and questioned, "What do you want? You failed at ruining Tails' wedding."

"Maybe I can make it up to you!" Dr. Eggman offered cheerfully. "But not here. Come with me! Come!" Chris shrugged and followed Eggman to an open area where there was a new machine.

Chris examined the machine and asked, "Is this... a rocket ship?"

Eggman gawked at Chris. "W-b- OF COURSE IT'S A ROCKET SHIP! What else could it be?"

"It either looked like a rocket ship or a high-tech prison cell."

Dr. Eggman cleared his throat and began, "Well, it's a rocket ship all right. I built it myself until I realized that I needed a volunteer- I mean, a guinea pig." Chris slowly started backing away. "Oh! And this will take you straight back to your own world so we won't have to tolerate you anymore!" He leaned in and whispered, "Oh, and by 'we', I'm talking about _everyone_ on Mobius. That includes Sonic and his friends."

"...Uh-huh..." Chris looked back toward the chapel and figured, "Well, Knuckles _did_ refuse to allow me to build a house near him. Maybe it's true with everyone else..."

"You don't have to go if you don't _want_ to." added Eggman. "I mean, the only chance to get back home lasts for 3 minutes. You can ask Wells for the full explanation. But still, if you want to leave now, you won't be able to tell everyone goodbye."

"Eh, I had a good run with them." Chris said with a shrug. "It's about time I need to move on. Besides, I have to get back to Helen so I can finally knock her up!"

_Oh, so _that_ was Chris' main motive for leaving. Just to knock Helen up._

Eggman's expression turned into one of discomfort. "Uh, I'm not sure if you'll return to your original age if you make it. If the space-time of both worlds don't match up correctly, you could even return as a baby!" Then Dr. Eggman squirmed and groaned, "A baby having dirty thoughts? EW!"

Chris still entered the rocket excitedly. "Well, that's probably unlikely. Anyway, tell the others I said bye!" He quickly buckled up and closed the door.

Bokkun hurried toward the rocket, still in his wedding tux. "Wait Chris! You can still work for us! You could be my fellow flea partner!"

"Sorry, he's already made up his mind." Dr. Eggman pressed a remote-control button, and the rocket started blasting off. The robots watched the rocket fly into the atmosphere, until they saw nothing more.

The Chris-hater Organization came out from behind the bushes and applauded Eggman. "Congrats on taking care of Chris, Leader!"

_HUH? Eggman was the leader of the Chris-hater Organization?_

"Ah, it was nothing." chuckled Dr. Eggman as he looked back at where the rocket disappeared. "And now Chris is finally gone. With any luck, Chris will safely stay stuck on Earth, never to return to bother us!" At that moment, everyone instantly stopped applauding.

"...Safe on Earth?" questioned a member with rising anger.

"Yes. What did you _think_ I was gonna do?"

Another member spat, "You could've made the rocket explode!"

"Oh no! That would be _much_ too extreme!" Eggman then noticed that the other members glared at him furiously. "What? You wanted me to _kill_ Chris? No no no no. It's one thing to hate Chris, _that_ I'm okay with. But when you actually threaten to _hurt_ Chris, that's _really_ going too far!" The Chris-haters swarmed Eggman and beat him up.

_Oh, so that's how we're going to conclude that subplot. With the Chris-haters beating up Eggman for not killing Chris._

Several minutes later, Cream looked around and noticed that Chris wasn't anywhere to be seen. "Where's Chris?"

"Who cares? What's _Sonic_ doing?" Tails pointed to Sonic, packing his bags enthusiastically.

"Is he packing for our honeymoon?" asked Amy excitedly.

Sonic glared at everyone else watching him awkwardly, as a rapping beat started to play. He pointed at them and started rapping, "_Now hold your tushie tails, it's time _I_ spoke! Can't remember when I partied last! I've been tired since we started, and that's no joke! Man, I was fading, fast!_"

_Really? This story is gonna end with Sonic rapping._

"Sonic..." Cosmo sighed exasperatedly.

"_So don't you dare say nothin', just leave me alone, with my tickets and cool clothes!_" Sonic opened his suitcase and a bunch of gloves and socks burst out. "_I will fill my tummy, with Corona and steak, and topping it with pickled chili dogs! Mm-hm!_"

"Pickled chili dogs?" gasped Big before he fainted.

"_That's right! Topping it with pickled chili dogs!_"

_Well at least we don't have to see Knuckles rap again._

Sonic was about to eat a pickled chili dog, but Knuckles suddenly pushed him out of the way. "_You know there's something you should know, so I'm gonna tell you so. Don't sweat it! Forget it! Enjoy the show!_"

"You already rapped!" pointed out Amy.

Knuckles instantly had basketball clothes and rapped, "_Working all day, now it's time to unwind! Kick back, relax, take a load off your mind!_"

_...O-okay, well maybe we won't have to see them rap-off or anything. Wait wait-_

"That's it! Rap-off!" Sonic got into gangster clothes and he and Knuckles rapped their individual raps simultaneously.

"Pickled chili dogs?" gasped Big again. "Oh no..." He fainted again as the two rivals rapped off.

_...We done here? 'Cause it's getting late, like, 9:00 pm, and I don't think there's anything else-_

_Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Where are you going? The story isn't over yet! Don't you wanna know what happened to everybody?_

_Not really, no..._

Horkirk and Jasdirk are still stuck with the step-sisters. It wasn't long before they ran out of money, and yet the step-sisters still think they've got it made.

_Uh..._

Calvan inherited his millions, but he lost them all during the Great Recession. Word was that he subsequently committed suicide.

_I thought you were going for an "everybody lives" ending..._

All the married couples are still living together with their children to this day. You just don't see much of Cosmo since she's camera shy. Well, here's hoping they have a happily ever after! See you soon!

* * *

><p>Angie stared shocked at Wack. "Happily... ever... <em>AFTER<em>? What the hell's wrong with you? This is the Metarex war! This is Cosmo's death! Have you gone off your meds and made this story up?"

Wack was oblivious to Angie's cries and he sighed, "Unfortunately, there will always be people that believe in the wrong story."

"Just shut up!" snapped Angie.

Wack's wife that he never mentioned came into the room and told Angie cheerfully, "Now, child, that's enough! Wack loves telling tall tales, so you shouldn't take his stories seriously!"

"UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE FRIGGIN' MILLENIUM!" yelled Angie as she stood up furiously. "I- he- c- b- GRAAH!" She stopped to calm down. "...I'm sorry. I have to go to my room to stare at myself in the mirror and cry."

As Angie left, Wack's wife embraced him and sighed, "Oh, Wack..."

At Angie's home, she stared at herself sadly in the mirror, thinking of the tragedy that everyone had to go through, only to be represented in such an unfaithful manner. She shed a couple of tears as she continued staring. After she was done crying, Angie figured it was time to write that article her boss wanted. Angie got out her laptop and her hands hovered over the keys. At last, she typed the article:

"This could possibly be the worst thing a Mobian could come up with. How could one crazy mind miss the tragic center of the Metarex wars? My guess is that this guy, Wack Don Dalson, heard of the story and thought it was some kind of fairy tale. So he put his own screwed-up version together and thought to himself, 'You know what this collection of misery needs? A rapping Knuckles!' The story goes from stupid to disgustingly insulting. It's insulting to history, it's insulting to people's intelligence, it's straight-up insulting to the people that _died_. This is a new low for a tall tale to sink. It's beyond crap, and my guess is that it'll take _days_ before you stop feeling unclean from it. I just hope people will learn their lesson and stop believing in falsified stories like these. I'm Angie Elizavert, and I heard it so you don't have to."

* * *

><p><em>Well, that's all folks! I hope you enjoyed this fanfic as much as I had in writing it. Hey, it's <em>supposed_ to be crazy; that's why I had Angie criticize it as if I expected everyone to take it seriously. But if it makes you feel any better, I was thinking that I might take a more serious route with Tailsmo (let's face it; my first fanfic sucks). Anyway, please tell me your favourite parts and stuff I could've improved on. To quote Sonic, "Good night! Have sweet dreams!"_


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